The
Twelve Days of Spander
Four Things
(Not Four Main Weapons, cause that would be too Python)
by
Bunny
O'Hare
Spike looked up and spied the mistletoe hanging over the
bed (and hanging from just about every other ceiling in the apartment as
well), and used it as an excuse to pull Xander in for a kiss. Then the
lights went out.
"Ouch!"
"Oh, balls."
Xander pushed back
the blackout curtains. "Power's not out out, just
us. Spike, those bills with the red stripes on the top of them, you did pay
them like I asked you to, didn't you?"
"There are two things a vamp
never does," Spike replied, his pinkie raised in the air. "One, we don't have
jobs." He raised a second finger, "And two, we don't do housework."
Xander raised his glass, took another nip o' the nog and let out a
giggle. "I didn't ask you to shocked gasp earn your keep
and I don't expect you to be little Spikey Homemaker, I just wanted you to
write out the bills in your vast spare time." Xander
pushed his hand into Spike's pocket and fished out his Zippo. He used the
flame to make his way to the box of 'kinky bondage fun' candles behind the
powdered milk in the pantry. "So since the task I gave you last week
required neither your earning money, nor doing any actual work, why are we
sitting in the dark?"
Thinking fast, Spike backpedaled. "OK, there are
three things a vamp
never does." Pinkie raised, "We don't
work for a living," ring finger
up, "do housework," middle
finger pointed high and proud, "or pay other people's bills."
Xander
handed Spike a candle. "Spike, these aren't other people's
bills.
These are our bills, we live together,
remember? We don't pay the bills, we get our power shut off. And as lovely
as you are to look at in the candlelight, I don't even like thinking about
the cold showers and spoiled blood we, meaning you, are going to have to live
with 'til we get our power turned back on."
"I was wrong, there are
four things a vamp never does." Spike pulled
Xander into
his arms. "We don't work for a living," he kissed Xander's left cheek, "do
housework," and he moved to kiss the right cheek, "pay other people's bills,"
he licked Xander's lips, "or let our boyfriends stay angry with us." And then
he moved in for a humdinger of a kiss.
Knowing when he had no hope of
winning the battle, Xander gave in. "Fair enough. I'll call the power
company in the morning."
*Fade to Black(er)*
