SECRETS AND
INTROSPECTION II
by
Edibbea
Notes
Xander sat in the diner, slowly
stirring his coffee, his thoughts drifting as he waited for Willow to show. He
was early - almost an hour early. But he needed to get out of the apartment;
needed time to think. He had been up and dressed when Willow'd phoned him this
morning. Spike had still been asleep in bed. So he'd simply left a note, grabbed
his keys and headed to the diner, knowing that Spike was going to be less than
happy with him when he got back. Actually, he was counting on it. Maybe, if
Spike got angry enough, he'd lose control and give Xander what he needed... He
sighed and took a sip of his coffee and grimaced, more sugar, definitely. He
added another couple of spoonfuls and then spread the local paper over the
table. An advert for a family restaurant caught his eye, and Xander was
surprised by the sharp pang he felt at the picture of happy, smiling parents
with their happy, shiny children. He'd never had that - and never would, now. An
unaccountable sense of loss washed over him as he found himself mourning the
children he didn't even know he'd wanted.
Xander sighed and turned the
page. Let his eyes lose focus as his thoughts drifted once again. No point
dwelling on it, he berated himself firmly. His parents were a lost cause, and
unless something scarily hellmouth-y happened, he and Spike weren't having kids
any time soon. But he had a family, of sorts. He had friends, and Spike, and
Stan and Marlene, who'd made it clear that he was now one of their extended
family, like it or not. A small smile played over his lips. Spike knew. Knew
what Xander wanted, and had found a way to give it to him. He did that a lot.
Well, usually, but the past few days...
Xander looked up at a loud
clatter and saw a woman sitting at the next table, glaring at him, then his
coffee cup. He realised he'd been noisily stirring his coffee now for several
minutes and guiltily put the spoon down, giving her a small, apologetic
smile.
Spike. He could feel the sleeping vampire's presence in the back
of his mind. How had he become the centre of Xander's world in such a short
time? They'd only been together a few weeks, yet it felt much longer, somehow.
Granted, he'd starred in Xander's fantasies for quite a while. They'd also done
a hell of a lot in those few weeks - maybe that accounted for it. Xander had
done things, and had things done to him, that he'd never have dreamed of before.
Well, okay, not strictly true. He had dreamed of them. Just never thought they'd
really ever happen. And tonight, well, hopefully... a shiver of anticipation ran
through him. True to his word, Spike had taken Xander into - that room - every
night this week. Apart from Monday, of course. Xander felt himself flush as he
remembered what he did on Monday night, in front of all those eyes. But the
thing was, once he'd got over the embarrassment, he'd enjoyed himself. Never
knew I was an exhibitionist, he thought wryly. But after that... Xander sobered
a little. This was what he'd wanted to have time out to think
about.
Spike hadn't been hunting again. Not since Sunday night, when he'd
come back and, well, things had gotten a little weird. When Giles had invited
Xander to lunch on Wednesday, Spike had come up with a plainly trumped up excuse
as to why Xander needed to stay in the apartment. When Xander had called him on
it, he simply forbade Xander to leave, hauled him back to bed and kept him there
for the rest of the day. In fact, Spike hadn't let him out of his sight all
week. And since Monday, Spike had been really careful with him. Xander had
enjoyed their nightly sessions, but Spike was treating him as though he were
fragile, somehow. It had been nice the first night. Ice and candle wax, silk and
velvet and feathers. But then he did it the next night, and the next. Xander was
ready to scream, and not in a good, whip me harder, way. He sighed again. Took a
mouthful of lukewarm coffee and grimaced. The waitress came over and took it
away, bringing him another cup and filling it with fresh, hot
coffee.
"Thanks," said Xander.
"You want something to eat,
hon?"
"Um, no thanks. I'm waiting for someone. We'll order when she gets
here."
The waitress headed back behind the counter, and Xander started
ladling sugar into his cup, relieved to see the woman he'd annoyed earlier had
left. So where was he? Oh, right. Spike. Tonight they were supposed to be using
the sling. Spike had promised. But the way he was acting at the moment, as
though Xander would break - well... He was gonna have to talk to Spike. Yeah,
okay, he'd freaked when Spike had pretty much treated him like a blow-up doll.
He'd felt hurt, abused. Xander still couldn't think about what Spike had done
without feeling as though he wanted to throw up. And when Spike had shared a
little of what he was feeling through the link...well, that was just plain
scary. Feeling the intense, violently possessive desire for his submission that
Spike felt had shaken him. But he'd cope and deal. He had to. Anyway, it was
just rough sex, it wouldn't kill him. It had just been a shock, out of the blue
like that. Stuff like that didn't happen outside the dungeon. Xander wasn't sure
how he felt about this line being crossed. But he also didn't want Spike to
avoid hunting because of what would happen when he came home. Spike was just
totally over-reacting. He needed to hunt; he needed to let the demon out to
play. And Xander needed... He needed what had happened that night Spike had come
and got him from Giles' place. When Spike had completely dominated him, had
taken all control from him. Shit, it had hurt at first. If Xander could have
stopped it after the first couple of lashes, he would have. But he couldn't.
Spike had made it very clear that there was no safeword. No way out. And then
made him say that he wanted it. And that had been so fucking hot... Xander
needed it again so much it frightened him. The sensual stuff was great, but that
was the sort of stuff they should be doing in the bedroom, not in the
dungeon...he needed more, and he had to make Spike understand that. He could
feel it building. Before, when it got like this, he'd use the knife. The bright,
sharp pain that welled and flowed crimson was enough to stop the burning, for a
while. But he couldn't even do that now. Xander reached for his coffee and
noticed that his hand was shaking slightly. He took a few deep, slow breaths. He
really needed to talk to Spike.
*****
Spike sat at the kitchen
table, nursing a glass of JD while a cigarette burned in the ashtray. He'd
turned the extractor on, because the boy didn't like the smell. The boy. Xander.
Spike picked up the cigarette, drew deeply on it, blew the smoke towards the
fan. He glanced at the clock on the microwave. Another hour or so till he was
due home. He had been angry when he'd found Xander missing and a note on the
kitchen table, raging in fact. But he had forced himself to calm down, and now
he was glad Xander had gone to meet Willow for lunch and a shopping trip to the
Mall. Gave him time away from the boy to think. Because something was going
drastically wrong here.
Sunday night. He'd beaten the boy in the dungeon
and then, after coming back from hunting, he'd raped him. He'd tried to tell
Xander that that wasn't what it was, but... Fuck! Spike ground out the cigarette
and lit another one. Emptied the glass in two swallows and refilled it. He
hadn't been able to fight his instincts that night. Had forced Xander to submit.
He'd managed to keep some small semblance of control; the boy had walked away
from it, after all, and he wasn't dead. But he couldn't allow that to happen
again; it should never have happened in the first place, and that was what was
troubling Spike. He was finding himself constantly fighting for control. He
hadn't gone hunting since then. He wasn't certain that it wouldn't happen again
if he did.
He could survive without hunting so often. And when he had to,
well, there were other outlets. Lydia had always been more than willing in the
past, and she would gladly submit in any way he demanded. Yeah, he could do
that. Make sure he was completely in control before he came home again. Spike
sighed, lit another cigarette from the stub of the almost finished one.
The boy was so young. He was only human. Humans break so easily, and not
just physically. In fact physical damage wasn't the real problem. His blood
could fix that up, and face it; the boy wasn't exactly averse to pain. But
mentally...that was a different story. He didn't want to end up with another
Dru. The boy needed to feel loved, needed to feel safe and secure. Needed to
know that there were boundaries that applied to both of them, and no matter how
much he protested that he could cope, Spike was pretty certain that he couldn't.
Forcing his submission in the dungeon was one thing; that was what they both
wanted. Having it spill over into the rest of their lives was something else
entirely.
And then there was the other thing. He needed to talk to
Xander about that. The dungeon. Well, not the dungeon itself, obviously. What
happened in there. Or rather, what Xander wanted to happen in there and what
Spike was trying to avoid. The night he'd dragged him home from Giles' place and
then whipped the boy. He hadn't meant to go so far. Thought he'd reined in his
instincts harder than that. Had been shocked at the extent of the bruising, once
he was thinking straight, and had fed Xander a lot of blood to make sure he'd
heal quickly. Come to think of it, that's when he'd really noticed his control
slipping for the first time. That's why he'd gone hunting once the boy was
asleep, to try to give free rein to his instincts somewhere away from his mate.
And look how well *that* turned out, he thought to himself snarkily. Spike
noticed his glass was empty again and poured himself another drink. Lit a fresh
cigarette. Drew the smoke in deeply and then blew a steady stream through pursed
lips towards the extractor.
As Spike contemplated that night in the
dungeon, he found himself growing hard. See, that was the problem - well, one of
the problems, anyway. The human remnants of William, the parts that Spike used
to act like a human, and to rein in the demon's excesses around Xander, were
telling him that he should be appalled by what had happened. And since the
bonding, he'd found himself sharing a little of Xander's humanity, soul,
whatever it was. Which brought the unwanted sense of guilt that Spike was
currently trying to ignore. Guilt that he'd hurt Xander, both physically and
mentally, and guilt that he'd enjoyed every second of it; that it made him hard,
and that he wanted to do it again. He wanted Xander on his knees; he wanted him
tied down, screaming and begging...
The thing was, Xander wanted that,
too. Spike had no doubts about that. He could feel Xander's rising frustration
with his careful handling this week. Xander wanted the whip, not the velvet
glove. Spike had no qualms about doing it - that wasn't the problem. If Xander
had been a vampire, he'd be in there now, stripping the boy's back bloody,
fucking him raw and revelling in it. But he wasn't. He was a human. And they
were So. Fucking. Fragile. Spike simply couldn't risk picking up a crop or a
whip in there, because he wasn't sure he could trust himself. Spike wasn't an
amateur - he knew what to do, how to keep control during a scene, well, usually.
But this past week... He couldn't understand it. He'd claimed and bonded with
the boy, but the demon was demanding more. Something wasn't right. He'd racked
his brains, but he'd never been good with all this shit - never paid much
attention when Angelus and that bitch Darla had tried to teach him the Lore. He
knew the basics, of course, but... Sometimes Spike really missed his bastard of
a Sire.
Spike poured himself another drink. Sighed deeply. He'd promised
the boy they'd use the sling tonight. Maybe they could. Maybe he could do that.
Took a lot of concentration and control to make sure you didn't hurt the
receiver though, especially the first time... No, best not. Xander wanted,
needed, all control taken from him in the dungeon. Which would be fine if Spike
could trust himself to recognise and respect the boy's limits. But he couldn't,
not as things stood, and he wasn't sure if the boy even had any limits when it
came to Spike, and wasn't that a thought to give him nightmares? If his control
slipped again... Denying the boy a safeword, for fuck's sake, what was that
about? Spike shook his head, disgusted that he'd let it get so out of hand.
Xander would have thought that Spike was just setting the scene - Spike had been
deadly serious. He drained his glass again. Refilled it. It had never mattered
before. He'd never played these games with a human that he was in love with
before.
"I am one, sorry, fucked up excuse for a vampire," Spike
announced to the empty room. And now I'm fucking talking to myself, too, he
thought wryly. He glanced at the clock again, boy'll be home soon, he thought.
Spike knew he had to come to some sort of decision about what he was going to
do. He really needed to talk to Xander.
*****
Spike felt an
enquiring nudge at the link and grinned. He sent calm and loving feelings to his
mate, and waited for Xander to step out of the sunlight and come home. Two
minutes later, Xander was fumbling his way through the door, juggling his key
and several shopping bags.
Spike put down the TV remote as Xander flopped
onto the couch, dropping the bags at his feet.
"Phew! Willow was in
shopping demon mode. I feel as though I've walked for miles, and if I never see
another shoe store again, it'll be too soon. Um, how was your day?" Xander asked
hesitantly.
"A lot more restful than yours, by the sounds of it," said
Spike. He smiled at Xander, and saw the boy relax as the tension in his
shoulders seemed to flow away. "So, get anything nice, love?"
"Yeah! It
was really great, being able to just buy what I wanted, without having to worry
about whether I could afford it or not. Thanks, Spike," said Xander, as he
leaned over dropped a quick kiss on Spike's lips. Then he started picking up
bags, pulling out his purchases, showing them to Spike and then dropping them to
the floor in an untidy heap. "And I bought you some stuff, too. Wanna see?" At
Spike's nod, Xander passed a bag over. Spike opened it and drew out a v-necked
cashmere sweater, black, of course. Xander reached across and stroked his hand
over the sweater.
"I thought this would look really good on you, it just
feels so soft, and it'll keep you warm."
"Thank you, love. But I've got
you to keep me warm," said Spike, taking hold of Xander's hand. Xander smiled
goofily at him.
"Yeah, I know. But this might be a bit more practical for
walking down the street in, rather than having me draped all over
you."
"Dunno, that sounds good to me," grinned Spike. Xander laughed,
then picked up another bag. This one was much smaller, and had the name of a
jewellery store on it. Xander put the bag on his lap, and pulled a small box out
of it. He cleared his throat.
"Spike. When we bonded, when we…got
married, you gave me a ring. And I want you to have one, too." He opened the box
and took out a plain, silver-coloured ring. Then he put the bag down on the
couch and stood up. He knelt at Spike's feet, took Spike's left hand, and placed
the ring on the third finger. "With this ring, I thee wed…" He looked up at
Spike, his eyes shining. "I love you, Spike," he said.
"Oh, Xander,"
breathed Spike, before leaning forward and touching his lips gently to Xander's.
Xander brought his arms up and wrapped them around Spike, deepening the kiss.
When the kiss finally ended Xander was flushed, and Spike was blinking hard
against suspiciously dewy eyes.
"Thank you, pet," he
whispered.
"Do you like it?" asked Xander as Spike sat looking at his
hand. "It has an inscription." Spike slipped off the heavy platinum band and
angled it so he could read the engraving on the inner surface. "Eternally
Yours," he read. He looked at Xander, a question in his eyes as he slipped the
ring back onto his finger.
"Well, I figured, what with the whole undead
thing, eternity was pretty much a given."
Spike nodded. "Not letting you
leave me, pet. Ever."
"I know," said Xander, and took a deep breath, "and
I want to be with you for eternity, Spike. Just - not for a while,
yeah?"
"We've got all the time in the world, love." And they did. So why
was Spike feeling edgy all of a sudden about it? He stomped hard on the 'Mine'
that growled through his brain, and ignored the urge to pin Xander to the floor
and just *take*...
"Yeah," said Xander, nodding slowly as he gave Spike a
slightly shaky smile. Spike leaned forward and pulled Xander in for another hug,
before forcing himself to release him and gently pulling him back up to sit on
the couch. Xander picked up the discarded jewellers bag and pulled out another
small box.
"I got one more present, but this one is for both of us, in a
way." He passed the box to Spike, who opened it to find two small, gold
rings.
"Nipple rings, Xan?" said Spike, feeling surprised. The boy wanted
him to have nipple rings?
"Yeah, for me, not you," said Xander, smiling
at the look of surprise on Spike's face. The surprised expression melted to one
of lust.
"Oh yeah, Xan. I'd like that a lot," said Spike, his voice
suddenly husky.
"And I want you to do it, Spike." Xander grasped Spike's
hands, leaned back and pulled Spike on top of him. Spike moved so that their
groins were aligned, and then ground down, meeting an answering hardness in the
body beneath him. Spike began to nuzzle Xander's neck, finding his claim mark
and licking and nibbling on it. Xander bucked beneath him. Spike licked up the
side of Xander's neck, then nibbled on his earlobe.
"You want me to
pierce you, Xan?" he whispered into Xander's ear. "You want me to tie you down
and then use my fangs?" Spike's hands moved down the body beneath him, tugging
the shirt loose, then tearing it open. He ran his hands over Xander's chest,
then started to tease and pinch his nipples. "I'd have tie you down tight, cos
it'll hurt, and you'll struggle, trying to move away." Xander whimpered and
bucked against him again.
"Is that what you want, Xander? You like it when
it hurts?"
Xander gave a hitching moan. "Yes, oh fuck, yes, Spike. Love
it. Please. So good, so good."
And suddenly Spike could see it, so
clearly. Xander tied, submissive, begging and pleading for him to hurt him, to
make it hurt so good, to take it all away. A warning flashed. He felt himself
slip into game face; hadn't done so consciously, couldn't seem to return to his
human visage, and knew he had to stop now. Needed to get up and walk away. Now,
do it now, before it's too late… But Xander was squirming underneath him,
slipping his hands between them. Jeans were being pushed down, and his achingly
hard flesh was freed. Mine. And walking away wasn't going to happen. They both
groaned appreciatively as overheated naked flesh met cool. As they slowly thrust
against each other, Spike returned his attention to Xander's nipples. They were
reddened now, and Xander groaned as Spike pinched and twisted them. Spike
returned his mouth to Xander's ear and began nipping at the lobe with
needle-sharp fangs, licking away the small trickles of blood.
"You're
mine, Xander."
"Yeah."
"All mine, to do with as I
please."
"Oh! Please…" exhaled on a pained gasp.
"I can do
anything I want, can't I?"
"Yeah, oh yeah, anything," Xander gasped
out.
"Anything I want. Everything I want."
"Gah…" Xander bucked
and cried out as Spike dug his razor-sharp nails into the swollen nubs, drawing
blood, and warm come pulsed between them as Xander orgasmed.
"I want
everything."
Xander cried out as Spike bit down hard, sinking his fangs
deep into Xander's throat. Mine, roared through his head as he drank, and
drank.
"… Spike. Spike, stop, please. Spike. No, no, Spike…" Xander's
voice gradually cut through the red mist in Spike's mind. Shock hit Spike like a
bucket of cold water and he abruptly pulled his fangs out of Xander's neck and
hauled himself off the couch. Blood was trickling from the wound, and Spike
dropped to his knees and leaned forward to lick gently at the holes to close
them. Xander was pale and shaking. His eyes were closed and his breathing was
shallow and rapid.
Fuck, fuck, fuck. Spike ripped his wrist open and
jammed it against Xander's mouth. "Drink, pet. Xan, Xander, drink. Please, Xan…"
Spike pushed down on Xander's chin, forcing his mouth open. As the blood
trickled into his mouth, Xander swallowed reflexively a couple of times, and
then began to suckle at the wound. Spike sighed with relief. He let Xander drink
for a minute or so, and then gently pulled his wrist away. He licked the tear
closed and stood up, pulling up his jeans and fastening them. Then he picked up
Xander and carried him into the bedroom. He quickly stripped the boy and put him
under the covers, turning on the electric blanket. Xander was still too pale,
clammy, and he was shivering. Shock, thought Spike.
"Xander? Can you hear
me, pet?"
"Tired," Xander mumbled.
"Sleep, love. Get some sleep,"
said Spike, lying down on top of the quilt, next to Xander, and stroking his
hair gently. Xander sighed, and soon his breathing was calm and the shaking had
stopped. His heartbeat was strong and steady. Once he was certain the boy was
safely asleep, Spike lowered the blanket setting, leaving it on low, and walked
unsteadily into the kitchen after kissing Xander softly.
He turned the
extractor fan on again and lit a cigarette with shaking hands. He didn't bother
with a glass this time, swigging the whiskey straight from the bottle. The burn
helped to steady him a little. This is not good. This is not good at all,
thought Spike. I almost fucking drained him. Okay, something seriously screwy is
going on here. Spike slumped onto a chair, took another long swig from the
bottle and placed it on the table with a thump. He put his elbows on the table
and rested his chin on one hand, drawing deeply on the cigarette he held in the
other. Spike felt nothing but a confusing swirl of conflicting thoughts and
desires. He didn't want to turn Xander, not yet. Wanted to enjoy his human
Consort, and only turn him when he had to. When the time was right. That's what
they both wanted. And yet… When Xander had been writhing and begging under him,
he'd wanted more. Needed to take more. Needed to take everything.
Spike
may not have been the smartest vampire that had ever been turned. But he knew
when he was beaten. And this thing had him beaten. He had no idea why he was
acting like this. There was only one thing he could do. He really, really didn't
want to do it, but he was left with no choice. Two more minutes - that's all it
would have taken. Two more minutes and he'd be waiting for Xander to rise,
rather than sitting waiting for him to wake up. Spike stood up carefully,
stubbed out his cigarette in the ashtray on the kitchen bench, and made his way
into the bedroom to pack.
*****
Xander opened his eyes and
groaned, closing them against the glare of the light. A cool hand brushed his
forehead.
"Xan? Pet, sit up, you need to drink something."
"Spike?
My head hurts," said Xander weakly.
"I know, love. Sit up and drink this.
I've got some paracetamol here too." Spike gently pulled Xander up into a
sitting position, and Xander groaned as the pounding in his head increased. He
felt a glass pressed against his lips, and swallowed the cool orange juice. He
gingerly cracked his eyes open a little and saw that Spike had dimmed the lights
in the bedroom. He took the two white pills from the outstretched hand and
accepted another glass of juice, which he used to wash the pills down with.
Spike gently lowered him back against the pillows, and then took his hand,
running his thumb soothingly over the back of it. Xander closed his eyes for a
moment, then opened them again, to see Spike's concerned face hovering above
him.
"What happened, Spike? I feel like I was hit by a truck." The only
reaction from Spike was a sudden tightening of his grip, which immediately
loosened again. Spike's eyes flicked away from Xander's face. "Spike?"
"I
almost drained you, Xander." Shock hit him like a surge of ice water running
through his veins that left a buzzy numbness in its wake. Xander gasped. Flashes
of Spike, biting hard, deeper than usual, and drinking, and not stopping this
time… "Oh," said Xander, his face suddenly white. The buzzing was getting
louder, making his ears ring with it and the room grew darker. He could hear
Spike's voice faintly, calling his name, and he struggled to
resurface.
"…me, Xander? Stay with me here, love. Xan?"
"'m fine,
just a bit dizzy. Your hand's nice, cool."
"Good. That's good, love,"
said Spike, as he continued to gently stroke Xander's forehead.
"Spike?
What happened?"
"I told you, I…" Spike stopped, seeming to know that
Xander was asking a different question. "I don't know. I can't seem to stay in
control when I'm with you any more. It's not right. It shouldn't be like this,
Xander."
Xander closed his eyes. Tried to gather his scattered thoughts.
The jigsaw puzzle that his life seemed to have become over the past week or so
started to resolve into a picture.
"It started when you came back from
hunting."
"No, it started before then. But that's when I realised what
was happening."
"That's why you've been so…careful."
"Yeah.
Couldn't risk losing control. But I did, anyway. You could have
died…"
"But I didn't. You stopped yourself."
"This time. Only
just, too. Another minute or two and it would have been too late."
With a
curious detachment, Xander realised that he was calmly discussing the fact that
a demon had almost murdered him, and would probably be more successful on the
next attempt - and that there would, in all probability, be another attempt. And
that, rather than running away, screaming, or reaching for a stake, he was lying
here trying to make the demon feel better about the situation. Clearly he was
insane. Xander snorted, then a hiccuping giggle escaped, and soon he found
himself laughing hysterically, tears streaming down his face, as an increasingly
concerned demon watched him warily. Finally, the hysterical laughter gave way to
great, heaving sobs. Xander felt Spike gather him into his arms and rock him
gently, rubbing his back and whispering soothing nonsense. As the storm of
emotion gradually abated, Xander could make out Spike's words. "…sorry, so
sorry, baby. Don't wanna hurt you. Love you, love you so much. So sorry…" A calm
resignation settled over Xander. So, this was it. He was gonna die. Well, it was
always a possibility, what with the demon slayage and stuff. At least it would
be his lover, and not some random slime monster or a fledge who got lucky. And
hey, it wouldn't be permanent. Some of him would survive. Just, he wasn't ready,
not yet.
Xander pushed his face into the crook of Spike's neck. "Don't
wanna die, Spike, not yet," he mumbled. He felt rather than heard the groan that
shook Spike.
"Not gonna happen, Xan. This stops now."
Xander
pushed against the arms holding him tightly, pulled his head back to look at
Spike. "Spike?"
"I don't know why this is happening, Xander, and I don't
know how to fix it. I have to go away for a while."
"No! No, you're not
leaving me, Spike. We'll work it out." Panic gripped Xander and he tightened his
hold on Spike. Staring into the pained eyes, shaking his head.
"No."
"Xander, I have to. Just for a few days, that's all. I need to see
someone, get some answers. I'm coming back, I promise."
"I'm coming with
you."
"No. That's a really bad idea, Xan. This is going to be hard enough
as it is. I need you to stay here."
Xander's thoughts were racing. Who
could Spike possibly go to for answers about this? The only one who'd… Of
course. His Sire. Deadboy. Fuck.
"Spike, last time you saw him you
tortured him, trying to get that demony ring back. He'll stake you first and ask
questions later."
Spike showed no surprise that Xander had worked it out.
He just sighed and nodded. "I did say it was going to be hard, didn't I? Yeah,
Angel won't exactly be happy to see me again, but I need to talk to him. Well,
actually, I need to try to talk to Angelus. Dunno how the fuck I'm gonna do
that, but I have to try."
Xander thought for a moment. "Yeah, okay, I can
see that. But really, y'know, it'd be better if I came with you. I know Deadboy
isn't exactly my number one fan, and that goes both ways, but at least if I'm
with you he'll hear us out, and not just try to stake you before you can say
anything. I'm coming with you, Spike. And if you leave me here, I'll just follow
you."
Spike gave a small smile. "You would, too, wouldn't you? All right,
I know when I'm beaten." He glanced at the clock. "It's almost midnight. You
have a shower. I'll pack a bag for you, then you need to eat something. How's
your head?"
Xander shook his head experimentally. The headache was almost
gone, and there was no dizziness any more, at least as far as he could tell,
though he hadn't tried standing up yet. "I'm fine, Spike," he said, then yawned
widely.
"Right then, let's get this show on the road. You can sleep in
the car." Spike leaned into Xander, gave him a soft kiss. "We'll work it out,
Xan."
"Yeah. Yeah, we will," said Xander. He just wished he believed
that.
SECRETS
AND SACRIFICES
