Xander lays awake, Jayne's big arm weighing heavily on his chest.  He sighs, wondering why it is that he tends to keep gravitating toward the strongest person in every group.  Not that he'd been a part of many groups in the last 500 years or so.


Buffy.  She'd been the first.  They'd never gotten together but Xander had yearned for her like only a hormone-crazed teenage boy could.  He still has dreams about her every once in a while.


Then there was Spike.  Though Xander figured he could debate over whether Spike or Angel were stronger, though he knew what Spike's answer would be.  They'd gotten together years after Sunnydale had fallen.  Years after Xander had given up his old grudge against Angel, and vampires in general.  Years after he'd split from Buffy and Willow and the Watchers Council to make his way back to LA.


Spike had been there for Xander in a way he'd never expected.  And, one night, when Xander was too slow to get out of the way, Spike was there to keep Xander alive.  Or undead, really.


They never told the others.  Angel, knew, of course.  But Buffy and Willow and Giles?  When Xander had split with them, he'd split completely.  He could have asked Wesley to give him back his soul, but Xander never needed it.  Spike and Angel taught Xander what he needed to know.  And though he craved blood like any vampire, Xander never really craved the carnage.  He was satisfied to drink butcher's blood and the occasional bad guys'.


Angel had gone first.  Felled by a demon with a name Xander couldn't pronounce.  It hadn't been large, but it'd been fast and its claws had been poisonous.  It took Angel several days to die, Wesley pouring over texts the whole time trying to find a cure.  Xander had never seen anyone as broken as Wesley had been the day Angel left them.


Wesley died soon after, growing careless one night during a fight with just a handful of fledges.


It was just Spike and Xander, then.  They were together a long time, over a hundred years before he'd lost Spike, too.  Like always, Spike had been protecting him.  His eyes had gone wide and so blue that Xander's non-existent heart had caught in his throat.  Then Spike had burst into dust, right in front of him, and everything Xander had ever had was gone.


He'd drifted around after that.  Had a few lovers, but he'd never had friends, not the way he'd had with the Scoobies or the gang in LA.


And now here he is with Jayne and Mal.  Xander shudders at the thought of the captain.  He still isn't used to the resemblance.  It's uncanny and weird, and Xander wondered briefly the first time they'd met if Mal was Caleb, reincarnated by the First, in order to start all over again.  Only this time they had a whole universe to corrupt.


But, Xander can tell, as well, that there isn't any inherent evil in Mal.  Besides which, there's something about Mal that reminds him of Angel.  He's got that... leader quality.


And, Xander has to admit, that there's something about Jayne that reminds him a little bit of Spike.  Brash and rude, but strong and protective at the same time.  He makes noises about being all for himself, but would take a bullet for Xander or River or any of the others if he has to.


It scares Xander a little.


Because he's not sure, even after centuries have past, that he's ready for another Spike.


Beside him, Jayne stirs, the heat of his arm shifting slightly on Xander's chest.  Jayne grumbles, low and rumbling in his chest, as he flips his head around so that they're facing each other.  “What the gorram hell are you doing awake?"


Xander laughs, fully aware that it's going on four in the morning and Jayne is not a morning person.  “Vampire, remember?  Kind of a night person."


“Fucking hell."  Jayne curses, rubbing the sleep from his face.


Xander smirks, an expression he'd learned well a long time ago -- half leer, half smile.  His hand shifts to the curve of Jayne's naked buttock, squeezing.  Jayne smirks back, making Xander laugh, before climbing on top of him and nestling their half-hard cocks together.


They rock lazily until they're both hard and aching, and Xander's hands tighten on Jayne's hips without realizing it.  Sometimes, he forgets himself, and leaves dark bruises on Jayne's pale skin.  He forgets, but he doesn't apologize because they both like it.  Like to know that Xander's left his mark on Jayne's flesh.


They don't kiss often, mostly because that's something Xander hasn't done in a long time.  And he's a little afraid to start again.  Especially with Jayne.


“Didn't think you minded having a vampire boyfriend."  Xander bites at Jayne's ear as he whispers into it.


“Only when he wakes me up in the middle of the gorram night," Jayne grumbles back, the last word turning into a low-pitched groan as Xander feels the first spurts of pre-come land on his belly.


“Even if it's to get you off?" Xander snarks back, the tip of his finger playing with Jayne's entrance, urging him to rock faster and harder.


“Haven't gotten me off yet, have ya?"  Jayne leans forward, just a little, his nipples rubbing up and down Xander's chest as they thrust together. 


It's highly erotic, the feel of Jayne's chest hair rasping over Xander's smooth skin.  It makes him shudder, and arch into the unintentional touch.


Xander smiles, shoving the tip of his finger inside Jayne's hole, knowing what the burn and sting of the dry intrusion will do to Jayne.  And just like predicted, Jayne's cursing and coming all over him, his cock jerking against Xander's.


Xander likes to see Jayne come apart like that.  Likes it enough that he makes sure every time they're together that Jayne gets off first.  It's all he needs to push him over the edge most nights, and this is no exception.  Xander bites down hard on Jayne's shoulder, breaking the skin just a little.  The warm tangy drip of blood shoots through him and straight to his cock, and he comes hard, whispering Jayne's name hoarsely as he does.


Jayne tilts his head, kissing the spot just below Xander's jaw, near the joint.  And Xander's thrown back three hundred years and more to another man's kiss, lips softer and cooler than the ones brushing against his skin in the present.  And he wonders again about reincarnation and the fates, and whether the Powers That Be would ever reward a vampire with only his conscience to guide him.


Then he takes Jayne's head in his hands and he presses their lips together, taking and giving the kind of kiss he's been longing for since the day he thought he'd lost everything.





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