BEGGARS
CAN'T BE CHOOSERS 4
By
Nash
Notes
Xander and Spike had
been living together for about six months and had been together for half that
time. Everything was well in their world.
The only cloud in their
horizon was Spike’s persistence to keep their relationship a secret. Every time
Xander tried to bring up the subject the vampire would clam up or find a way to
distract the young man. Even though Xander let himself be distracted, the fact
that his boyfriend refused to acknowledge him in public and the strain of hiding
his relationship from his friends was affecting him badly.
The only
reason he managed to keep it together so well was that he could, at least, talk
about things with Willow. Xander hadn’t told Spike that Willow knew about them.
He feared that the blonde would freak and put a stop to their relationship,
which only added another burden to his
load.
-------------------
“Hey Willow, how goes the exciting world
of magical retail?” Xander greeted his friend as he entered the magic shop,
smiling cheerfully. Willow had taken over Anya’s position as manager of the shop
and recruited Spike’s help as soon as he was capable of providing it.
“Hey Xan.” Willow smiled. “The exciting world of magical retail is
completely without excitement today and I’d like to keep it that way thank you
very much. You here to pick up Spike?”
The vampire may not like magic
being directed at him but a century or so with Drusilla had taught him a lot on
what to avoid selling to innocent, and not-so-innocent customers. Not even Spike
could withstand Willow’s big green eyes and her patented lost puppy look. When
Xander found out that his best friend had convinced the blonde to work with her,
he burst into near hysterical paroxysms of laughter and couldn’t stop for nearly
an hour.
Spike had not only pouted, but he’d refused to go near Xander
for one entire day and night. By the middle of the second day Xander had been
begging for forgiveness and promising never to tease the vampire about anything
ever again, and could he please come back to bed now?
“Yup. We’re going
to watch Pirates of the Carribean. Again. I swear Spike has a crush on that
Sparrow guy. I’m a little bit jealous I think,” Xander replied. “So where is my
bleached wonder?”
“At the cellar. Want some kissy time?” Willow smiled at
the happiness exuding from Xander.
“Hell, yeah!” Xander said, already on
his way.
He spotted Spike in the corner leafing through a book, a frown
of intense concentration on his face. Xander walked behind the blonde and
wrapped his arms around him. “Hey sweetheart, wanna give me a kiss?” he
whispered.
Spike smiled and turned around, kissing Xander softly before
withdrawing from his arms. “No distractions pet,” he said. “I wanna watch the
film.”
“But we already saw it five times Spike!” Xander
exclaimed.
“So?”
“So wouldn’t you rather go home and have hot
sweaty sex?” The boy cajoled.
“You spent too much time with the ex-demon
luv, her straight talk must have been catching. And no, we’re not going home,
we’re going to the cinema,” the blonde said firmly.
They ended up going
home, hot sweaty sex being significantly more important than a sixth viewing of
Jack Sparrow, sexy pirate-man or
not.
-------------------
A few nights later, the whole
gang was at The Bronze hanging out and generally having the non-Hellmouthy kind
of fun. Dawn had begged and pleaded until Buffy let her come along and she
perched at the end of her chair looking around the club in wide-eyed wonder.
“Hey, bit, wanna learn how to play pool?” Spike asked looking at Buffy
for approval of his offer.
Dawn turned huge pleading eyes at Buffy and
erupted into a “Can I? Please Buffy can I?” monologue not even stopping for
breath until her sister laughingly agreed to her request.
And that was
how Xander ended up watching Spike teach Dawn to play pool, leaning close to her
and laughing at something she said. Spike laughed a lot during the pool lesson
and Xander found himself uncomfortably envious of the time he spent with Dawn.
He wanted to reach out and touch his lover, hug him tightly and whisper in his
ear. But he couldn’t do that ‘cause the one thing Spike demanded of their
relationship was that it be a secret.
“Hey Bleach,” he called, “wanna
come help me get the drinks? I’ll even buy you real British beer.”
Xander grinned as Dawn was summarily delivered to her sister and Spike
headed for the bar. The beer trick worked every time. The brunet used the crowd
at the bar as an excuse to press against Spike’s back. “Did I tell you lately
how hot you look bending over the pool table? I got half hard just watching you
teach Dawn how to play,” he whispered and flicked his tongue over the blonde’s
earlobe. “What I wouldn’t give to have you home right now, bent over the couch
with me buried inside you.”
Suddenly Spike wrenched himself away and
marched purposefully back to their table. Xander hesitantly followed him,
wondering if he’d gone too far and upset the vampire. But no, Spike was
explaining to the girls that Harris was feeling like shit, and what would you
expect from a whelp like that anyway, so they were heading home. The boy did his
best to look suitably sick but he couldn’t help grinning like an idiot all the
way home.
-------------------
Xander’s indulgent attitude towards
Spike never really lasted long though. It was usually broken by some little lie
he had to tell Buffy to stop her from suspecting, or by any outing where he
wanted to hold Spike’s hand but couldn’t. Of course, at this moment in time the
last thing in Xander’s mind was relationship issues. He was stalking down the
sidewalk alternatively glaring at the blonde and grumbling about vampires,
souled and unsouled, and their violent tendencies.
“Did you really have
to do that?” he snapped, once again glaring at the vampire walking next to him.
“Gotta let the demon out to play Xan. Don’t want me ending up like the
Poof do you? All repressed and staring longingly at humans’ necks,” Spike
cheerfully replied.
“You took his head off! With your hands!” his
companion stated incredulously.
“Yeah, so?”
“You splattered me
with his innards in the process. I’m drenched in green blood!” Xander exclaimed
exasperatedly. “It’s gonna take ages to wash this off,” he sighed.
Spike
grinned at him happily. “Oh, I’m sure I’ll find a way to make it up to you,” he
said.
Xander was immediately interested. “Go on,” he urged.
“Well,
we could have a shower together…” Spike said thoughtfully.
“Yes?” Xander
encouraged.
“And I could do that thing you like with the fingers and the
tongue,” the vampire concluded.
“You mean the one where your fingers
go…and your tongue goes…” Xander’s eyes glazed over and he grabbed Spike’s arm
and started running for the apartment, dragging the laughing blonde behind
him.
Following the shower, during which Xander’s ecstatic screams could
be heard throughout the apartment, both men tumbled in a heap on the couch,
settling down for their post-patrol ritual of random TV ridicule.
Xander
assumed his favourite position, lying on his stomach across the couch, head
resting on Spike’s lap, and sighed softly when the vampire absentmindedly played
with his hair. He loved quiet moments like this, when there was no need to
pretend not to know Spike as well as he did, or to snatch his hand back before
touching the blonde, fearing that someone would see and understand. During these
moments he could pretend that Spike was his and his alone.
He woke up
the next morning, still in the same position. Looking up he saw that Spike was
also asleep with his arms stretched over the back of the couch, head resting on
one of his arms. Xander smiled sleepily and nuzzled into the vampire’s
jean-covered crotch. Encouraged by the response he got, he unzipped the jeans
and snuggled closer. Feeling too sleepy still to move he started licking Spike’s
dick, lapping it with his tongue wherever he could reach. Hearing a soft moan
Xander looked up to see warm blue eyes watching him and paused to smile and
offer a good morning to his vampire.
“Don’t stop luv,” Spike sighed,
“feels good.”
Xander smiled and went back to his task. He was just
beginning to contemplate the pros and cons moving for maximum pleasure when the
doorbell started ringing insistently. Xander glared at the direction of the
door, it was early in the morning on a Saturday. Who the hell was interrupting
his early morning nookie?!
“Guys? It’s Buffy, are you in?”
Oh.
Her.
Spike immediately leaped off the couch throwing Xander on the floor
in the process. “Shit. Sorry Xan,” he said anxiously, zipping up his jeans and
rushing to the door.
“Don’t mind me. I’m only the boyfriend. I’ll just go
change then,” the brunet muttered snarkily and headed to his bedroom.
He
came out a few minutes later to see that Buffy had taken his place in the couch
and the pair was deep in what seemed to be a very intense conversation. Best put
the happy ‘friend-of-Spike’ mask on then.
“Hey guys, this a private
party or can anyone join in?” he said cheerfully.
“Actually, this is kind
of private, pet,” Spike replied looking decidedly uneasy. “Maybe you should go
for a walk or something.”
The friend mask slipped for a moment as Xander
stared at the blonde’s bent head, confusion and sadness in his eyes. He rallied
quickly though and did his best to keep his voice light. “Right. Walls are thin
in this apartment, you never know what I might hear,” he said and got out of
there as fast as he could.
Xander spent the morning wandering along
Sunnydale, trying hard not to think about what was happening back in his
apartment and failing miserably. Buffy wanting to talk to Spike was no big. She
talked to him every day. And just because Spike said it was personal didn’t mean
it was about his relationship with Buffy. It could be about Dawn or something.
Except if it was about Dawn why did they send him away?
And so his
thoughts went, going down a spiral of depression and uncertainty until he
couldn’t take it anymore and started for home. He’d been gone for four hours,
they were surely done by now, unless they were celebrating something. Maybe in
Spike’s room. God no, not that. Spike wouldn’t do that to him, not without
clearing this thing between them first. He hurried even more, needing to get
this over with one way or the other.
He burst through the front door and
the first thing he saw was Spike and Buffy, still on the couch, heads close
together. Spike was holding Buffy’s hands in his, Xander noted in a weirdly
detached way. They were both looking at him, identical shocked looks in their
faces. Buffy stumbled up from the couch and said something about having to go,
looking at anything but Xander.
“No, you don’t have to…I mean…I’ll just
be in my room then,” Xander mumbled and practically ran to his bedroom. Oh God,
it was all over. He should have known. He should have seen it coming, why hadn’t
he? Xander sat on his bed, frozen in place, unable to think.
“Luv, could
you come sit with me a minute, there’s something I have to tell you,” Spike said
quietly from the doorway.
Xander turned to look at his lover blankly.
“Okay,” he said quietly, needing to hear this, actually hear Spike tell him it
was over. He went over to the couch and sat down, staring at the floor, willing
himself not to react.
Spike sat next to him quietly for a few moments,
trying to work up the courage to say what he wanted. He knew Xander was in love
with him. A blind person could see what the boy felt; he was carrying his heart
on his sleeve.
Finally he took a deep breath and said, “I love you.”
“I know you do Spike, as a friend,” the boy said flatly, still expecting
Spike to let him down gently.
“No, Xander I love you. Buffy and I had a
talk, we’re friends. That’s all we’ll ever be. And, throughout the whole
conversation all I could think about was you, how you looked when you left…how I
loved to see you smile…how *I* wanted to be the one to make you smile. I love
you Xander,” he repeated, looking intently at him.
Spike watched as
Xander just sat there looking confused until he couldn’t take it anymore. “Damn
it boy, don’t you understand?” he yelled, “I, William the Bloody am in love with
you Alexander LaVelle Harris!”
Still Xander just sat there staring
uncomprehendingly. Spike was soon worried and babbling. “Xan? You okay? Bloody
hell pet, I really thought this scene would play differently. You’re supposed to
smile and jump my bones or something, but no, not you. *You* have to go
catatonic.” He paused and willed Xander to respond. “Xan?
Xander?”
Meanwhile Xander sat perfectly still while the world rearranged
itself around him. Spike was not letting him down gently. He wasn’t letting him
down at all. Spike was in love with him. His Spike loved him. He heard Spike
call out his name and it finally sank in: Spike loved him. Letting out a whoop
of joy he tackled his vampire to the floor and started kissing him everywhere he
could reach, chanting ‘I love you’ between kisses.
“Now that’s more like
it,” Spike laughed.
Xander finally focused on Spike’s lips, holding the
vampire’s face between his hands and exploring his mouth thoroughly. He paused
for breath and looked down at the vampire, wide-eyed and awed. “Mine?” he
whispered.
Spike smiled at him, saying softly, “Yours, Xan.”
“Mine.” Xander repeated confidently. He reached down and palmed Spike’s
hardened cock through his jeans. “Mine” he stated.
Spike whimpered and
arched into the touch. Whatever he had been going to say was smothered by
Xander’s lips. Still kissing him, Xander undid the vampire’s jeans, and reached
one hand inside to pump Spikes’ cock while the other sneaked under his shirt to
find and play with his nipples.
When he felt the blonde about to come,
Xander stopped everything he was doing and stood up. He looked down at Spike,
taking in the wide lust-filled eyes, the bruised lips and the oh-so-prettily
aroused body and grinned. “You love me,” he said delightedly.
“I’m gonna
love you a hell of a lot more if you get back to what you were doing, pet!” the
vampire growled.
“Bedroom. Want lube. You love me.” Delighted grin still
firmly in place Xander headed for the bedroom only to be tackled into bed by the
now naked vampire.
“I love you,” Spike whispered into his ear, making
Xander’s grin widen.
“You do!” he said and turned onto his side, vampire
still firmly attached to his back and now licking his nape lazily. The brunet
reached to the night table for the lube and then turned again in the circle of
Spike’s arms.
“You love me,” he said confidently and kissed him
passionately.
“Clothes off Xan,” Spike said the minute the boy stopped
to breathe. Xander disrobed as fast as was humanly possible and then launched
himself at Spike again, plastering his body against the blonde’s and kissing him
again, whispering ‘you love me’ against his lips.
Not breaking the kiss
Xander moved them so that Spike was half draped over him. He grabbed Spike’s leg
and draped it over his waist. Realising what the boy meant to do Spike wriggled
so that he could accommodate him better. Xander snapped open the tube and
blindly covered his fingers. He reached around Spike’s body and traced his
cleft, moving unerringly towards one target. When he reached it he pulled back
from the kiss. “You love me?” he asked breathlessly.
“I do,” Spike
confirmed and moaned when his answer was swiftly followed by Xander’s finger
entering his hole.
Xander started thrusting his finger in and out and
Spike spread his legs wider, trying to give the boy greater access. He buried
his face in the brunet’s neck, unintentionally giving Xander a good view of his
finger sliding in his pucker. The brunet watched as he a second finger joined
the first in stretching Spike. He smiled when the vampire started panting and
thrusting, effectively humping Xander’s body, breathing faster and nibbling on
his neck. The brunet began to finger fuck him harder and faster, swiftly adding
a third finger.
He bent his head and nibbled on Spike’s ear. “Mine,” he
whispered intensly.
“Yeah, pet all yours. Now fuck me goddamnit!” The
blonde lifted his head to glare at Xander who giggled unrepentantly and stated
once again, kissing him after every word “You. Love. Me”. He paused to smile at
Spike and then went on, “Now turn over, on all fours.”
Before Xander
could even finish the sentence Spike was in position and growling at him to get
on with it. The boy grinned at his lover’s impatience and dutifully slicked his
erection up and positioned himself behind Spike.
“Tell me,” he ordered,
pressing his cock against the vampire’s pucker.
Spike took a breath and
said, “I love you Xander.”
The second he heard the words Xander slammed
himself in and started fucking Spike hard and fast chanting ‘mine, I love you,
mine, my vampire, my Spike, you love me’. Feeling himself come closer and closer
to orgasm, he grabbed Spike’s dick in his hand and started pumping him, asking
desperately, “Tell me Spike. Tellmetellmetellmetellmetellme.”
“I love you
Xan, I love you,” Spike whimpered breathlessly.
The words pushed Xander
over the edge, still whispering, “Mine, I love you, mine.”
Both human and
vampire collapsed in an ungainly heap on the bed, breathing harshly. A few
minutes later the discomfort forced them to move. Xander laid his head on
Spike’s chest and nuzzled into his neck. “Love you Bleach,” he said sleepily.
The blonde hugged him tight and placed a kiss on the top of his head.
“Love you too, pet. Now go to sleep, you still have to go to work
tomorrow.”