Five years after
leaving Sunnydale, a successful but lonely Xander Harris finds an unconscious,
skeletal Spike in an alleyway.Back at
Xander's apartment, Spike's serious wounds, frightened behaviour, and
subservient gestures convince Xander that someone inflicted extreme suffering
upon the vampire deliberately.A series
of phone calls to Willow uncover the fact that Spike has been missing for six months, and
remind Xander how badly Spike had reacted to his move years ago.A brief glimpse at Spike's thoughts
reinforces the probability that Spike has been gravely mistreated.As Xander ministers to Spike's injuries and
feeds him human blood to speed the healing process, Spike's panicked responses
reveal wordless but potent fears of his birth-name William and of the dark.
Though Xander
wonders if he can handle this newly subservient and traumatized Spike, he
spends the morning patiently re-teaching the vampire how to perform simple
actions:how to heat his own blood; how
to use a telephone; even how to express his wishes with the simple gestures of
nodding and shaking his head.An image
of a sci-fi security area on television provokes fearful responses from
Spike.He also demonstrates his anxiety
that feeding or not feeding might invite punishment, and reveals that his
captivity likely subjected him to sexual abuse.Spike comes up with his own gesture (pressing Xander's hand to his
forehead) to thank Xander, whom he perceives as his Master.Even while the vampire's fears of displeasing
his new master emerge, his expressions communicate his adoration of and trust
for the man who now takes care of him.
Xander's
recollection of the final confrontational conversation between himself and
Spike five years ago haunts him even as he remembers the friendship and
happiness they experienced while they still lived together.Alone for the day while Xander returns to
work, Spike thinks of the harsh masters in his past and considers how
comforting Xander has been.Xander bears
gifts for Spike when he returns home:an
electric blanket, monster feet slippers and a mug with "SPIKE" on the
side.While reapplying bandages and
washing Spike's hair, Xander begins to comprehend the extent of the horrible
damage to Spike's body.After cutting
the vampire's hair and joining him (while wearing boxers and a t-shirt) in the
bath, Xander learns from Willow's phone call that a rogue faction of the
watcher's council, working in tandem with former doctors from the Initiative,
held and tortured Spike.The physical
contact between Xander and Spike in the bath, and Spike's newfound fascination
with Xander's heartbeat, provides much-needed comfort for them both.
Xander discovers a
picture of himself in the lining of Spike's duster, and Spike carries it with
him to assuage his loneliness when Xander is absent from the apartment.In an attempt to restore some part of Spike's
memories, Xander buys him Brit punk CDs.A phone call from Angel interrupts a pleasant dinner and reawakens
Xander's hostility towards Spike's grandsire.Xander demands that Angel seek revenge against Spike's torturers after
Angel's thoughtless mention of the name William panics Spike.Xander's attempt to physically reassure and
comfort Spike unexpectedly elicits purring from the vampire.Angel's revenge against the Initiative comes
to light in a news report of an underground laboratory destroyed in an
explosion.Willow is overjoyed to learn that Xander and Spike
will visit her because of Spike's sensitivity to the ear-shattering
construction near the apartment.Xander's boss Patrick provides him with time off as well as some
emotional and physical comfort when he learns about Spike and his traumatic
experience.Before leaving for
Sunnydale, Spike communicates his fear that Xander will give him to a new
Master, and Xander embraces him, assuring the vampire that they will always be
together.
An emotional Willow welcomes Spike and Xander to her home.Spike appears to recognize nothing in the
house where he lived with Willow for almost five years.In
Spike's old room, Xander finds his own letters to Spike, unopened, some of his
clothing, and a gold chain he'd given Spike, items that the vampire had
obviously kept as mementoes.Despite
Willow's pain at seeing Spike's condition, she focuses on urging Xander to
forgive Buffy and Angel for putting Spike deliberately in danger in order to
defeat a demon years ago.After some
preparation, Dawn and Buffy are re-introduced to the vampire, and Spike
displays indications of turning when he is confronted with the Slayer.As Xander and Spike lay together in bed that
night, exhausted from the drive and the events of the evening, Xander remembers
the erotically charged conversation with Spike that led him to seek work far
away from Sunnydale.While he recalls
his fears thatSpike would tire of him
if they had become involved, he is startled when Spike moves to comfort him and
brings some of the attraction they feel for one another to the forefront.
An emergency call from work wakes Xander and shows
Buffy, Willow, and
Dawn how much he has come into his own since leaving Sunnydale.Spike’s mistrust of the “Buffy creature”
almost results in his death when he attempts to flee from her, nearly racing
into the sunlit day.Xander’s desperate
use of the name “William” saves Spike but returns the vampire to his frightened
and servile behaviour.As he considers
the burden he has accepted in caring for Spike, Xander panics briefly and asks Willow to
accept her old housemate into her custody.Willow
refuses, insisting that Xander understand the extent to which he had broken
Spike’s heart.Their discussion about
the rogue watchers suggests that Spike’s captors employed magic to obscure his
whereabouts from those seeking to rescue him.Xander bitterly suggests that payback rather than research motivated
former initiative members to torture Spike, and Willow
begins to register the gravity of the situation when she witnesses Spike’s
injuries.As Spike nods his agreement
that he’ll never attempt to go outside during the day and falls asleep, Xander
realizes that he loves and cannot live without the vampire.
Xander attempts to jog Spike’s memory by recounting
their past and showing him the key sights in Sunnydale.The increasing attraction between Xander and
Spike creates both relief and unease as Xander finally allows himself to
acknowledge his long-dormant sexual feelings while simultaneously attempting to
hide his impulses from Spike.Drawn to the scent of arousal, Spike watches Xander
shower and his adoration gives way to self-reproach as he compares their bodies
and finds his own skeletal, damaged frame wanting.Dawn and Spike experience a moment of
closeness as they page through an art book together.Comparisons between the purring Spike and
broody Angel remind Xander of Buffy’s determination to provide Angel with her
help and support first, even during the dramatic incident in which Spike’s life
had been threatened.Spike displays an
increasing urge to protect Xander and comfort him, making him act to soothe Xander
even when his own nightmares are the cause for Xander’s concern.
Xander and Willow’s
worries about Spike’s inability to heal come to a head when the group realizes
that part of the Initiative’s torture of Spike involved forcing splinters of
wood soaked with holy water into his body.Xander’s horror at this discovery and his fear that the people who hurt
Spike could attempt to find him motivate him to call Angel for advice.Angel’s obvious concern for Spike and clear
commitment to helping protect him in the future helps to calm Xander.When Xander realizes that Angel considers him
family because of his relationship with Spike, he returns to Spike thinking
about the family ties he has built for himself with Spike and Angel, as well as
with his boss Patrick, and his co-workers Rafe and Jake.
Willow shows
Xander some of Spike’s old drawings.When Spike begins to sketch a younger version of Xander on his notepad,
Xander is elated with this evidence of potential memories.Xander’s antagonism towards Buffy emerges as
the slayer warns him that he shouldn’t be involved with Spike. With Dawn and
Buffy temporarily gone, Xander confesses to Willow that he’s remained alone
because no one measured up to Spike.When Xander becomes truly distraught, Spike moves in to comfort him,
increasing the extent of their physical affection.Buffy’s disparaging comment when she returns
to the house sets off Spike’s protective instincts, and he turns fully into
game face for the first time.After some
time away from the others, Spike communicates to Xander that he would kill
Buffy to protect him, but that she is safe as long as she doesn’t threaten
Xander.Willow joins
the exhausted pair as they sleep, and through her questions Spike learns that
what he feels for Xander is called love.
Tensions between Buffy and Spike come to a
head.Confronted by the troubling
reality that someone formerly strong could become weak, Buffy lashes out at
Spike, deliberately taunting him with the name William.Spike’s wounds re-open when he crashes
against the radiator in fearful flight, and he crouches down in
subservience.Xander calls Spike brave
and attempts to comfort him and salve his wounds with a bath.In search of comfort himself, he once again
telephones Angel for advice.When the
conversation about mercifully ending Spike’s life proves overwhelming, Willow takes
the phone and Xander realizes that Spike’s drawing of him was not a memory but
a copy of the photograph of the younger Xander.Patrick calls with news that the construction work around Xander’s
apartment has stopped and offers to transport Xander and Spike back in an air
ambulance, but Xander decides to wait until Spike has recovered from the
night’s injuries before returning home.
Xander agrees to try to settle things with Buffy
for Willow’s
sake.Despite his worry that Buffy will
hurt Xander, Spike silently acquiesces to Xander’s plan to meet with the
slayer.Xander provides some answers as
to why he left Sunnydale and what he hoped to find in his new life:challenging work, respect, financial
security.Xander and Buffy attempt to
get past Xander’s anger over Buffy and Angel’s treatment of Spike by sparring
together.Buffy finds herself impressed
with Xander’s stamina and fighting-style, and the bout challenges them
both.When Buffy recounts Spike’s
physical method of attaining catharsis by beating up her and Angel, she reveals
that it was Spike’s concern for Xander’s feelings that had spurred the
vampire’s outrage at the pair.Later, as
Xander holds a sleeping Spike, he reflects that getting away from Buffy had
been his primary reason for leaving Sunnydale.His thoughts shift to home and work as he struggles to keep his
attraction for Spike at bay.
Spike and Xander return home, and with constant
attention from Xander, Spike seems to heal a little.Willow and
the others in Sunnydale are pleased to hear the news; only Angel realizes that
Spike’s mental state is still far from normal.Rafe begs Xander to return to work, but after only one day back, both
Xander and Spike are miserable, and Xander returns home early.Concerned about him, Patrick drops by, and is
shocked when he sees how physically traumatized Spike looks.Patrick suggests a two-bedroom apartment for
the pair, hoping to help Xander’s state of mind and Spike’s recovery.When Xander bravely tells Pat that no extra
bedroom is needed, Pat takes the news in stride, and responds enthusiastically
to Xander’s inquiry about a house for himself and Spike.Once Xander convinces Spike that both of them
will move to the house, never separated, Spike begins to take on new
independence.With glimpses of the old
Spike haunting him, Xander can’t help but feel his attraction for the vampire
increase.
When Xander dreams of the Spike he hurt, replaying
the scenario so that he confesses his own desire for the vampire, the dream
ends in violence.In his attempts to
comfort Xander, Spike touches him more sensually than ever before, and Xander
forces himself to stop the desired contact.Frustrated without understanding why, Spike rises to pack, but is
distracted by “Love Song for a Vampire” playing on the radio.As he and Xander dance to the haunting
melody, Spike begins to renew his erotic touches, and when he seems about to
kiss him, Xander forces him to stop.Later that night, overcome with want, Xander cuts himself so that Spike
can drink from him.The moment quickly
turns more physical as Spike’s hunger for Xander propels them into sexual
contact at last.Filled with guilt,
Xander leaves the bedroom, but the moment works a strange magic in Spike as the
wooden splinters hindering his health eject themselves from his body.After pulling out the splinter jammed in his
vocal cords that had caused his muteness, Spike feels a burst of healing, and
softly calls Xander’s name before falling asleep.
