It had felt like a long night, certainly in respect of prising Spike from his bolt hole in the bathroom and back to the vicinity of the bed.  Bearing in mind what Spike had insisted he wanted, Xander was nevertheless unsurprised when all sexual advances were shakily rejected, Spike feebly joking about the monstrous whore belatedly mending his ways.

Xander was left ruminating over family and the power of blood ties, the lifelong consequences of mistreating a child, all displayed here in vivid and painful clarity.  With his presently biased sensibilities it was heartrending to see William the Bloody, Master vampire and once scourge of Europe, reduced to a quivering wreck by a malicious rant from his long dead and clearly still unbalanced earthly father and, despite Xander’s education and belief in tolerance and acceptance, if he could have found a way to punish Edmund he would have done so without a second thought.

Well, okay, maybe a second thought, and possibly even a third, but no internal arguments in Edmund’s defence would have been seriously considered, and there would have been very little danger of leaning toward objectivity in any shape or form.  Xander knew he was dangerously ‘heart over head’ right now, and so pro-Spike that it made him smile at his irresponsibility, tingle with varied kinds of excitement, and be scared him silly, all at once.  It definitely brought out the best and the worst in him, and that worst would need to be addressed.

Weighed down by his part in Spike’s troubles and, thanks to Edmund, feeling a level of vindictiveness and disharmony that was thankfully alien to him in his usual life, Xander crept from the bed once he was certain that Spike was finally asleep, and composed himself for some much-needed meditation in a bid to re-establish his emotional and spiritual equilibrium.

…

Xander found himself smiling as he emerged from his meditative state, knowing from the silence that Spike was near to him.  Anticipating the usual kind of welcome back he received, he was surprised to open his eye and find Spike sitting cross-legged and motionless before him, apparently employing Xander’s technique for pursuing peace.  He didn’t look like he’d arrived there yet, going by the deep creases lining his brow, and by now it was customary for Xander to smooth them away with gentle touches.  It wasn’t easy to keep his hands to himself, so better to move before temptation became action, he grudgingly admitted, but the moment he stirred Spike muttered,

“Don’t go.”

“I don’t want to disturb you.”

“I like the way you disturb me,” Spike said with a hint of smile.  “In fact, I’ve rarely enjoyed being disturbed quite so much.”

The vampire’s eyes slowly opened and he blinked a few times, focusing just in time to see Xander’s crawled approach, and letting himself be pushed back onto the floor and pinned there by Xander’s body as his mouth was sought and ardently kissed.

“How are you feeling?” Xander interrupted the kissing to ask.

“Right now…”

“And don’t race directly to sexual innuendo, take the scenic route that passes through deep thought and scary honesty.”

“Bit difficult to concentrate on more than sexual innuendo when you’ve got me flat on the floor and you’re rubbing yourself on me.”

“I’m not—  Ah.  Yes, I am, I didn’t realise.  It’s apparently become second nature to mindlessly hump the vamp.”  One last protracted kiss and Xander reluctantly climbed off Spike and stood, offering a hand up and still holding on when Spike was vertical and facing him.  “How are you feeling?” he repeated.

“Horny.”

“Pre-horny.”

“Pre-horny was…the first day at Chrissie’s.”

“The most recent lull in horniness?”

“Umm…”

“How are you feeling if horniness is taken out of the equation?”

“Sexy.”

“That’s the same.”

“No, it’s not.”

“It is.”

“It isn’t.”

“How are you feeling if any kind of sexual physical response is taken out of the equation.”

“You sure you want to know what’s going on in my head?”

“Yes.”

“I’m thinking…  Bloody hell, you make me horny.”

Xander tugged Spike close enough to kiss his cheek, then let him go and beat a quick retreat.

“How’s this?” he asked from across the room.

“Good to look at.  Lovely strong legs, wish I was between them.”

“Spike…”

“Shag’d help me concentrate on the rest, y’know.  Take the edge off and…”

“No.”

“No?  Not even…”

“No.”

“Why?”

“Because…  Because I’m really uncomfortable right now, thinking that I’ve fucked you up, and fucked me up, and fucked us up.”

“All that fucking and no getting off.  Hard life.”

“Can you please take me seriously?”

“Doesn’t it reassure you that I don’t have to?  That’s the ‘us’ that isn’t fucked up, surely?”

“I…  Yes, I guess.  But…”  He sighed and shook his head.  “Please, Spike.  Please just talk to me.”

Spike matched Xander sigh for sigh.

“What do you want to know?  You want to pick me apart about Koga, or about Edmund?”

“I don’t want to pick you apart.”

“Yes, you do.  You think you can pick apart all the pieces of this soiled and despoiled Spike, clean out the shit, and put him back together again, all spotless and shiny.”

“What if it’s far less altruistic than that?”

“As in…?”

“What if I just want to find out how much damage I’ve caused us because I don’t want to be the one who ruins the fun we’ve been having together.”

Spike paused in thought.

“I’d like it to be as simple as that, and I’d actually enjoy your selfishness.  But it isn’t, is it?  This is about you hurting ‘cause you think I’m hurting.”  Xander turned awkwardly away, shrugging loosely.  Spike’s voice softened…  “I’m not hurting, Love.”  …and Xander’s head snapped back, a plea for Spike’s statement to be true eloquently written on his face.  “I’m not hurting.  And you…ask away.  Ask me whatever you like.”

Xander took a couple of steps toward Spike, mind racing.

“Last night…  I really wanted to comfort you but it was impossible, you wouldn’t let me near you, not emotionally.  What was it that touched such a nerve?”

“From Edmund?”  Xander nodded.  “His hatred, naturally.  Like you said, I’m still his kid, whether I want to be or not, and I don’t know how but he seems to talk directly to William.  He makes me William again, and that degree of hatred from my father…  Then there was that reference to hell.  My eternity.”

The interest on Xander’s face turned instantly to remorse.

“I’m so sorry.  I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be.”

“How can you say that?  If it wasn’t for me forcing you to go after Tania…”

“Let’s not fool ourselves, eh?  You couldn’t force me to do anything, not really.”

“Okay, want me to rephrase that?  I put myself in a position that gave you no choice…”

“Don’t torment yourself, Xander, I always have choices.  We established that, didn’t we?”

“Yes, but…”

“And, if I’m honest…”  Now Spike was the one to look guilty.  “If I’m completely honest…  Bugger this, do you really want me to be completely honest?”  Xander nodded an emphatic yes.  “Well, after lengthy consideration it seems that…  Any desire I have for heaven…is nothing more than a way of avoiding hell.”

“You—  But…  No.”

Xander stuttered to a halt, mouth opening and shutting several times in speechless protest.

“Yes.”

“But…  Yes?  Really?  Spike, really?”

“Really.  No great longing for salvation, just a chance to miss out on what I’ve spent a century and some earning myself.”

Once again Xander drew breath to speak, stopped, started, stopped.  Paused.  Sighed.

“Fuck.  Fuck.”

“Umm…  Sorry?”

“If that’s true…”

“It is.”

“Then that…  I guess…that helps, that has to help.”

“Good.”

“You could have told me that, you could have been honest with me from the start.”

“Yeah, but I had to be honest with myself first, didn’t I?  I am scared of hell, that’s completely honest too, that’s natural.  But I don’t know if I’d managed to convince myself that the prospect of going to heaven really mattered to me, and I was being stroppy about it ‘cause I always want things my own way and wasn’t going to get that, or…if I was just enjoying the attention from you over it.  But it was hard to give it up.  Harder still when it was Edmund telling me I was damned, ‘cause I desperately wanted heaven then simply to prove him wrong about me.  I can’t exactly think straight where he’s involved, you might have noticed.  And there’s a tiny bit of spiting the old bastard creeping in there, I admit.”  Spike flicked a tentative glance at Xander.  “Pretty daft, eh?  All that fuss over nothing.  Well, not nothing, but…  S’pect you’re…”  Another glance.  “…cross with me?”

“Cross with you,” Xander considered, voice surprisingly light as he now actively embraced the calming techniques he’d needed less and less over the past couple of weeks.

“For not being honest.  Abusing your good nature.”

“Not so much cross with you as…fucking furious.”

“Ah.  You don’t sound fucking furious,” Spike pointed out.  “You sound…reasonable.  Which should probably worry me, shouldn’t it.  Shouldn’t it?”

“Two choices: gimme five minutes to get this in perspective, or gimme something blunt to pound your stupid, irresponsible, selfish head with.”

“Take five,” Spike generously offered, and he stood aside, reflecting on his unpredictable nature while Xander paced and reflected on Spike’s should-be predictable unpredictableness.

Closer to two hours than five minutes, but eventually Xander shook his head hard and turned to Spike.

“No.  You cared about this, more than as a way to avoid hell.  I know it mattered.”

“Sorry, Love,” Spike shrugged, “but no.  Bit too convincing for my own good, eh?”

Xander drew a massive breath and slowly exhaled.  Then he did it again and paused for more thought.  This time it was only five minutes until he was asking,

“You’re being honest with me now?”

“Yes.”

“Absolutely honest?”

“Yes.”

“Then…  I’m relieved.  I am…relieved.  I still want there to be a way to stop you heading for hell, but I’d much rather it was about saving your skin than missing out on redemption.  As for the rest…  I can’t blame you for abusing my good nature if I led you there by the nose, can I?”

“Is that what you did?” Spike frowned.

“Oh, yeah.  I sometimes think the streak of ‘nice’ in me is my greatest failing.”

“Don’t say that, Xander, not on my account.  I’m meant to be wicked and exploit you.  That doesn’t indicate a failing on your part, just means I’m good at my job.”

Xander smiled at that, much to Spike’s relief.  Despite the encouragement, when Spike gave up on not going to Xander he approached with a guilty slink rather than a jaunty step.

“It’s a big deal,” Xander told Spike quietly when the vampire was a spilt-second away from the next ingratiating snuggle.  “Does this mean I have to start questioning everything you’ve told me?”

“No.”

“Spike…  It’s a big deal.”

Spike swept Xander into his arms and squeezed, undeterred by Xander’s non-reciprocation.

“You know you can trust me,” he whispered into Xander’s ear as he nuzzled his cheek.  “Deep down…  You know.”

“You’ve been pretty quick to remind me that I don’t know you at all.  You’re right, of course, absolutely right.  It isn’t that I don’t trust you, I just…”

“You don’t trust me.”

“It isn’t…”

“You don’t trust me, and I deserve that.”

Spike grudgingly released Xander and stepped back; it was Xander who refused to let all physical contact be lost, and he took Spike’s hands and held them tightly.

“Nothing’s that simple.”

“Well, let’s see if I can help you with it, simplify it further.”  Spike yanked his hands out of Xander’s grasp, and reversed a few more steps.  “Because I’m done thinking, and I’m ready to talk.”

“Good.  That’s good.  Isn’t it?”

“I thought a lot about what you’ve been saying to me, and I know you meant William when you said I haven’t changed so much over the years, but you were spot on.  And…”  Spike turned and strolled away.  “I want you to think well of me but I don’t want to lie about this.”

“About what in particular?”

Spike spun to face Xander, straight-backed, head high, and as arrogant as Xander had ever witnessed.

“Koga.  Like I said, you were spot on: I haven’t changed.  I’m still Spike and, however I try to gild that particular lily, I’m still a demon.”

“So…Koga…?”

“I enjoyed killing him, Love.  Relished it.  After what I’d learnt about him I’m only sorry I couldn’t extend his final moments into hours and make them as agonising as he deserved.  I know you can cope with his death but that snapped neck makes it easy for you, doesn’t it?  Swift and clean.  When, if there were any justice in this world, he should have been tortured until he begged to die, bent and broken and fucking peeled, he should have croaked his last squirming on the end of a branch while I booted it through his worthless guts and into his black heart.”

“Spike…”

“Know where all that hating really came from?  All that rage I felt?  It came from being dishonest about that nonce: being so glad about killing him and thinking I wasn’t allowed that any more, thinking I had to be better than that, and I hated us both for it.  All I could see for a while there was that you led me to betray myself, and I just got on with it like I had no mind of my own.  But…bollocks.  All bollocks.”

“Spike…”

“And certainly no regrets, not a single one now I’ve faced the truth about escaping hell rather than wanting heaven.  He was going to hurt you, so where the fuck would regret come into it?”

“Spike!”

“What?”

Spike’s eyes flashed gold at the shouted interruption, and he tensed as Xander approached, surprised – no, shocked – when the outcome was warm hands caressing his teetering-on-demon face and a soft kiss to his mouth.

“Okay.  Carry on.”

Xander went and sat in the armchair, giving a good impression that he was ready for whatever next.  Spike shook off the internal onslaught of XanderXanderkissminefucktakehavewantwantwant with some difficulty.

“You want to be careful,” Spike warned.

“About…?”

“About what kind of message you send me.”

Xander nodded.

“That’s right.  I do.”

“So…  That.  Just then.”

“Thank you for saving my life,” Xander said, very sincerely.

“Oh.  Right.  Good message,” Spike finished quietly, the lust induced by that single, simple, heartfelt kiss twisting into something far more sentimental.  “Might be one of the best things I ever did.”

“Might be.  We have to save the world, after all.”

“There’s that as well, yes.”

Xander looked on in silence as Spike wandered the room, the vampire’s arrogant persona demolished by the lack of condemnation.  When Spike turned and studied the human, finally giving him a warm smile, the one Xander returned was equally affectionate.

“Nothing’s that simple,” Spike recalled Xander’s earlier words, appreciating that Xander’s trust may have been dented but it wasn’t broken.  Appreciating the ‘big deal’ but no longer afraid that any lost trust would be impossible to restore.  He gestured to Xander’s easy posture.  “Still works then: the mental time out.”

“It still works.”

“I’d be pretty grateful to the bird who taught you if it wasn’t for the fact any thought of you with her makes me want to track her down and hack her into bite-sized pieces.”

“Talk.  About what matters.”

Spike’s wandering stilled for several seconds, then he moved to sit on the end of the bed, facing Xander.

“This whole situation…  It’s been a revelation.  It’s made me take a long, hard look at what I am, what I’ve become.”

“And?”

“I’m not defined by the soul.  It may be a part of what I am, just like the demon is, but…  I’m the sum of my parts, just like any other flawed individual.  I’m Spike.  A Spike who’s finally coming to terms with William rejoicing in his father’s death.  A Spike who killed Koga and would do it again without hesitation if it meant keeping you safe, but a Spike who doesn’t want to slaughter innocents for the fun of it.  A Spike who doesn’t want to make excuses, to himself or anyone else.  A Spike you’re somehow able to care for, in all his imperfect glory.  This Spike.  The one who’s thinking about his choices and being true to every facet of himself for the first time in—”  Spike shrugged.  “Too long.”

“Since the soul, maybe?  I think the soul was you being true to yourself.”

“Yeah?”  Xander nodded, and Spike dwelt on that for a while.  “Yeah,” he ultimately agreed.  “Although I wish…”

“Don’t!” Xander warned.  “Not the W word.”

Spike gave a chuckle and took that timely advice on board.

“All right.  I…would have preferred to have done that for you.”

“You—”  Xander swallowed hard and adamantly shook his head.  “You did that for the right reasons, at the right time, and for the right person.”

“Buffy…”

“Deserved it.  And you deserved the way she came to trust and depend on you.  The two of you may have been bad for each other, but you were also good for each other when it mattered.  History doesn’t need re-writing just ‘cause of who you presently have the hots for.”

“Any chance you can appreciate the sentiment and chalk one up to me?”

Xander pretended to think about that.

“Consider it chalked.”

With a satisfied nod Spike rose, stretched, stretched and sat.

“We done?” he asked.

“I think that’s up to you.”

“Then we’re…  This heaven business, Love.  I’m not mourning the loss, know that.  In fact I’m rather relieved that where next is settled – not that I’m planning on attending where next for a very long time.”

“There’s still maybe a chance that…”

“Remember you once said to me that there had to be genuine repentance?  I don’t feel it, not on this occasion, not even with the soul.  The bloke deserved what he got and nothing will make me think otherwise, and I’m more than satisfied with that.  Anyone else tries to hurt you they’ll go the same way and I won’t give a damn about them either, or the consequences for me.  I don’t and won’t repent, and it’s very liberating.  Cheers for that.”

“Have I remade a monster?”

“Would you applaud or condemn the law-abiding citizen who picks up a gun to defend his family from a gang of thugs?  It’s all about the circumstances and what they dictate.  I was happy enough to knock about those blokes who hurt you because of Toby, I didn’t need to kill them.  Koga was about to cave your skull in so I stopped him dead.  Literally.”

“Circumstances, okay, yes, I see that.  I shouldn’t doubt you.  I don’t, actually.”

“Good.  I’ll allow you any number of knee-jerk reactions providing you make it up to me nicely.”

“I’m not convinced I’d know where to draw the line if I were in that position, and with so little time to think.  What if it had been the other way round?  If I’d been the one behind Koga and he was swinging that wrench at you and Tania.”

“You’d do whatever you had to, we both know that.  Know what else?  No jury in the civilised world’d hang you for it.”  Spike frowned.  “Isn’t this your argument from yesterday?”

“Uh…”

“Rather than go round in circles, shall we skip straight to the bit where you make it up to me?”

“You don’t want to…”

“Unless that sentence ends in ‘shag’, I don’t want to, no.”

“But…”

“Doesn’t my over-protectiveness usually make you horny?  Let’s face it, as we’re talking about the ultimate in over-protectiveness, we should be looking at the ultimate responsive horniness.”

“Er…big picture, Spike.”

“Sod the big picture.  I’m done thinking, I’m done talking.  What I need now is you, still wanting me, proving my frailties are as acceptable as yours.  I need your sweetest words, your unbridled passion, your hot, naked body under me, over me, beside me, your choice, but there, with me and for me.  Want me, take me, let me hear my name on your lips when you come for me, whether it’s a gasp or a scream, and let me make it happen again and again.  I need your desire.  I need you.”

“What you need,” Xander confirmed, big picture being usurped by the series of saucy naked-vampire dominated postcards that had popped into his mind.  “If it’s…if it’s…uh…what you need…”

Pretending that the general glazing over and incipient drooling hadn’t assured him that Xander’s compliance was in the bag, Spike flexed his persuasive skills, donning his prettiest, most imploring, superbly manipulative face, gazing into Xander’s eye and whispering a tentative…

“Please?”

“How did I ever say no to you?”

“You managed well enough, but now…I don’t want you to remember.”

“I can’t remember, and…  Who am I kidding?  I don’t want to remember either.”

Xander was up from the chair in an instant, literally throwing himself at Spike and rolling them over on the bed, leaving Spike above him, straddling his hips and leaning down to kiss him roughly enough to nick his top lip on his teeth.  Spike’s tongue probed urgently into his mouth as the faint scent of blood struck his acute senses, and the vampire groaned in delight as he experienced the purest essence of Xander, right up until the moment when he was eased away to facilitate Xander’s inconvenient need to breathe.

“Love…  Let me have you,” Spike cajoled.  “I’ll do it nicely, won’t hurt you, I promise.”

“You say that as if I’m putting up a fight.”

“You’re not, are you,” Spike grinned, “even with me rejoicing in that bastard’s death.”

“I got there first, remember.  Not rejoicing, but…realistic.”

“Same meat, different gravy.  It begs the question: which of us is the biggest monster?”

“Nuh-uh, no monsters here; nothing crawling down the paintwork and I even checked under the bed.”

A slight shift and Spike was able to grind their confined erections together.

“Ah, that’s nice,” Spike appreciatively groaned.  “That’s nice.”

“Yeah, keep doing that.”

“Ever comes to it, I can tell Angel you led me astray.”

“Tell him whatever you like.  And…  Remind him that…  Spike, get me out of these clothes.  Remind him that we’re all trapped somewhere between good and bad.  No.  Actually, not you.”

“Not me?”

“No.  You’re somewhere between good, bad and totally hot.”

Spike obligingly stripped Xander bare with practised ease, gloating over the fact that Xander was practically panting with lust by the time Spike finished teasingly revealing his own body.  He gazed at Xander with equal admiration, eyes naturally drawn to one of his favourite parts of this alluring form.

“Your mouth,” he told Xander, “is perfect.  Perfect.  I’m always torn between the desire to kiss it, and the longing to fuck it.”

“I’m good for either.”

“You certainly are.”

“No, I mean…”

“I know what you mean, and of the two of us, my interpretation is the right one.”

“Sure.”

Xander rolled his eye and grinned as Spike sprang onto the bed to join him.

“Shame that bloody camera is cursed, we could set it up with the laptop, watch ourselves go at it.”

“We could?  It works like that?”

In perfect synchronicity they turned to stare at the camera sitting innocently beside the computer on the table.

“Be a bit of fun, eh?”

“What if we stay together so I don’t hear a voice till we’re done with this?”

“I’d risk it if I didn’t need you so badly.”

Xander’s attention zoomed back to Spike and Spike alone, and he reached out, pulling him close.

“Then maybe it’s safer if we concentrate on undocumented fun.”

“Just want one picture of your mouth on my cock, that’s…”

The remainder of that suggestion was muffled by a kiss, but a fast kiss as Xander was moving down Spike’s body within seconds.

“Memorise this.  Watch every move and…”

“Is that what you do?”

“Uh-huh.  I try not to miss a thing ‘cause, y’know, Dead Guy could be any time so each time we do this it could be the last and…”  Xander eeped in surprise as his progress was halted and he was bodily thrown onto his back.  “Spike, I—  I don’t know what.”

“Let you do that now and in my head it’ll be the last time.”

“I didn’t mean for you to take what I said like that.  Let me carry on.”

“It might not be what you meant but it’s in here now…”  Spike tapped his temple.  “…and I need a little distraction.”

“Like…?”

“All consuming pleasure might do the trick.”

“Whatever you want.”

“You say that, and then you make a fuss over…”

“I won’t, I won’t, whatever, I promise.”

“Promise?” Spike asked with a smile that widened just far enough to nudge Xander’s in-built panic button.

“Uh…shouldn’t I?”

“D’know.  Let’s find out.”

With another of the abrupt moves that left Xander flummoxed and giggling, Spike was down the bed and encouraging Xander’s legs to part.

“We still dealing with what you need,” Xander attempted to establish, “or am I simply looking at a good time?”

“Both.”  Xander’s knees met his ears and, with relatively blunt human teeth, Spike bit the inside of the newly exposed left thigh, firmly enough to leave indents but not break the skin.  “If I scarred you there it’d rub every time we had a shag.  Drive you bonkers.”

“Oh, fuck, I want to say do it.”

“Don’t,” Spike insisted.

“No.”

“That’s right.”

“I just want to.”

“Don’t,” Spike insisted for a second time.

“No.”

“’Cause I will.”

“Fuck.”

“Yeah, getting there.”

“Fuck me.”

“This first, I know how much you like it.”

“Fuck.”

“That much, yeah.”

Spike’s tongue trailed teasingly over Xander’s perineum, causing much wriggling, twitching, and pleas that rapidly became demands; Spike burrowed between Xander’s cheeks and concentrated his attention on the sensitive flesh of Xander’s opening, and he chuckled at the garbled encouragement his actions induced, any attempted words disintegrating into lusty noises as Spike proceeded to fuck Xander with his tongue as his fingers sought out and delicately tickled the tip of Xander’s cock.  A vampire’s strength prevented Xander humping the tormenting hand for yet more stimulation, and it wasn’t long until Spike was being pushed away.  Xander leant up on his elbows, stared accusingly at Spike’s typically innocent expression, and attempted to catch his breath.

“You’re going to drive me insane.”

“I’m only playing.”

“Playing at driving me insane.  God knows what’d happen if you were serious about it.”

“I want to see how little I can do and still get you off.  You’re so…responsive.”  Spike blew along the length of Xander’s cock; Xander grit his teeth and pretended to bear it for all of two seconds before swatting Spike around the head.  “Any more of that,” Spike warned, semi-seriously, “and I’ll be obliged to tie you down.”

“You think?” Xander challenged, betrayed by the dilation of his pupil.

“How’d that be, eh?  Just having to take it?  Me brutally pleasuring you for hours on end and you forced to come and come and keep coming until I was done with you.”  The lust-filled gaze was there, and gone; Xander fell back onto the bed and covered his face with his hands.  “Love?”

“I don’t want to be here.”

“Just ‘cause…?  I was only teasing, Petal, if you didn’t want me to…”

“It’s not—  There is no ‘didn’t want’.  I’m happy to be with you, doing this with you, but I want to be at home, safe in my own bedroom with none of this other shit going on, and where you could do what you want without me thinking…what if I’m tied down and there are bugs, or there’s some full-blown uber-nasty participation.  Sexually, I’m no coward: right place and time and you get to do whatever I can take without heart failure.  Rest of my life…”  Xander sighed in disappointment and dropped his hands.  “Bugs,” he said contemptuously, adding an involuntary shiver for good measure.

Spike thought as he nuzzled the reddened skin of Xander’s inner thigh.

“Here, what if…  When this is over…”

“If we’re still alive.”

“If we’re still alive, what if…”

“This would be before it’s over when it’s over?”

“If we’re still alive and before it’s over when it’s over…”  Spike paused for the expected interruption, but smiled at the lack of.  “What if…we take off somewhere.”

Up on his elbows once again, Xander peered down his body to where Spike was ensconced between his legs.

“Somewhere like…?”

Spike shrugged.

“England?  I said this before but you didn’t think I was serious: now you know I am.  You said you’d like to find the tree that was planted for William.”

“That’d be…”  Xander’s momentary excitement faded fast.  “Expensive.”

“My treat.  Consider it a thank you.”  Spike finally made himself meet Xander’s eye, finding exactly the expression of doubt he didn’t want to see.  “Why not?”

“It would be…us.  Not us against inter-dimensional war, just…us.”

“Us isn’t so bad, is it?”

“I, um…”

Spike returned to his initial task, pressing his tongue back into Xander’s body and putting an end to any practicalities or common sense that Xander might be tempted to bring into the conversation.  Making himself comfortable, Spike’s hands cupped and squeezed Xander’s buttocks before sliding over his hips and resting on Xander’s belly, gently dragging his fingernails over flesh that quivered in response.  It wasn’t long before Xander’s fingers were tangling with his, exactly as he’d hoped; his grip tightened and Xander – if he cared to play along with this – was as good as tied.  Spike felt the moment that Xander realised it, the subtle attempt at withdrawal as the hold was (un)severely tested and (chosen to be) found to be unbreakable; Spike revelled in the groan of acceptance as Xander gave himself over, a tremor of pure excitement rippling through Xander’s body as he stretched his legs open, thighs leaning heavily on Spike’s arms.  Leisurely humping the bed to temper his own need, Spike exploited the further accessibility Xander’s move afforded him, probing deeper and treating the man’s engorged prostate to an explicit demonstration of why a vampire’s long, muscular, extremely flexible tongue was so highly prized by anyone fortunate enough to be on the receiving end of this particular kind of stimulation.

“Holy fucking hell, how do you—”

Xander protested and squirmed, wanting less and more and feeling quite desperate to come, way too soon, as if that was any kind of surprise when Spike…was Spike.  Xander pulled and pushed at Spike’s hands, trying to free his own or move Spike’s to where he could rub his cock against them, just for the vital scrap of stimulation that would take him over the edge before he popped the blood vessel that was throbbing in his temple.  He caught his breath with a gulp as Spike withdrew his tongue and began nibbling Xander’s balls, a single finger freeing itself to dabble in the flow of clear liquid dribbling from Xander’s cock.

“How?” Spike asked.

“Guh?”

“With my tongue in you, my fingers, my cock…?  You choose.”

“Get me off, do it, just do it.”

“How?”

“You mean bastard!”

Xander wrenched his hands free, leant down and grabbed Spike by the biceps, yanking him up the bed to bring them nose to nose.  Groin to groin.

“You seem a little tense,” Spike sweetly smiled, and as Xander gritted his teeth and glared, Spike wriggled his body between Xander’s legs and nudged the tip of his cock at the man’s saliva-slicked cheeks until it was verging on penetration.  “Shall I fuck you?” Spike enquired, still smiling, voice still sickly sweet.  “Would you like that?”

“Yes.  Just…just…fuck me, damn you.”

“Say it nicely.”

Xander stifled the screech of frustration and seized Spike’s hips, urging him on.

“Please.  Spike.  Please.”

Raising himself to arm’s length, Spike slowly, slowly entered Xander’s body.  Spike’s position gave Xander the opportunity to observe, and he eagerly watched the penetration, unbearably aroused by the experience of seeing and feeling, eventually clenching his eye shut and stilling Spike’s progress in a bid to prevent the conclusion he’d previously been demanding.

“So responsive,” Spike whispered appreciatively, dipping to gently kiss Xander’s mouth.  “Look at me, Love.”  Xander did as he was asked, eye black and glazed with lust, the harshness of the gaze softening when Spike quietly spoke.  “I did it for you.  Only you.”  Xander turned his face away; the hold on Spike’s waist left, dithered, returned, hands squeezing then stroking.  “Only for you, Xander.”  Xander jerkily raised his hips, impaling himself further onto Spike’s unmoving cock.  “Tell me you know that.  Accept it.  Tell me you accept what I did for you and then I’ll give you what you want.”

Xander’s head snapped back, and the troubled expression on his face led Spike to believe that the words ready to spit from his lips were those of condemnation rather than any kind of acceptance.  Spike tensed in expectation and Xander, feeling that change in the body beneath his hands, hesitated.

“Spike…”

“Not asking for too much, am I?”

“Maybe.  If you didn’t do any of this for Tania…”

“I do feel for her but…not like I feel for you.  I’d do anything for you,” Spike finished sincerely, only half-aware of what a scary prospect that was for Xander.

A few calming, gentle kisses and the scariness dissipated to be replaced by logical thought.

“Anything for me can mean not hurting people, rather than…what happened to Koga.”

“He deserved it.”

“Yeah, but…”

“I know, I know.  That was extreme.  I’m not about to fillet the git who puts a dent in the Mustang’s bumper.”

“Then…”

“Accept.  Accept what I did for you.  Accept…me.”

It was easier for Xander to nod and kiss Spike than battle through the emotions that were constricting his throat.  The nod was good enough though, and Spike growled with satisfaction as he, in turn, accepted, and sank himself deeply into Xander’s body with one powerful thrust, muffling Xander’s yelp of surprise with an equally demanding kiss.  Xander shook his mouth free to gasp,

“Take it easy.”

“Not about to hurt you, Love.  But I’m going to take you, have you, make you mine all over again.  Make you mine and know you’re mine.  What I am, how I am, and no excuses, remember?  That’s thanks to you.  You, Xander.  You’re mine and I don’t care what you think of that, you’re fucking mine.”

“Again.  Say that again and…”

“You’re…”

“…reverse it.”  Spike’s ready proclamation stuttered to a halt.  “Yeah, reverse it,” Xander challenged with a wicked grin, “see how easy it comes then, you demonic chauvinist pig.  Tell me you are mine.”

Spike stared at Xander in disbelief for an instant before reminding himself that the man wouldn’t suspect for an instant the implications of what he was suggesting, how intensely the words would rouse a demon’s bonding instincts.  There were reasons that vampires clung possessively to their childer, their sires, their mates: a reflection of the old days and older ways, obeying or humouring customs and impulses that preserved the race when it was turned upon by other species with rash ideas of dominance, and then again when demonkind was pursued by an indiscriminately murderous mankind.  Old ways, and bonds that, under the right circumstances, could be created with astonishing simplicity, but would then be nigh impossible to negate.

Bewildered by the strength of his immediate, involuntary reaction – a heart-clenching, gut-roiling surge of wanttakehaveGIVE - Spike took a moment to wonder how the hell they had arrived at this point in a mere three weeks.  How had they got to the point where, despite the words being a joke to his dearest, occasionally-naïve-to-the-point-of-stupidity human, a deadly serious Spike was weighing up the possibility of succumbing to ancient instincts that had seemingly sprung out of nowhere, and offering himself?

Blissfully unaware of the turmoil he had created in Spike, Xander still had that same provocative smile on his face, the one that barely concealed the joke he would have at Spike’s expense when the vampire refused to offer himself up.

“Tell me you’re mine, Baby.  Or do I get the ‘demons take, they don’t give’ lecture?  Or maybe you’re just a…big ol’ scaredy cat?”

Teasing, Spike appreciated, but Xander was right about one thing: demons did usually take rather than give, especially when this level of intimacy was involved, more especially still when any earnest declarations would be binding in a way that made the average human’s devoted commitment to a life-long partner look like a mild fling.  Here, now, mid-copulation, the man beneath him wearing his mark, his blood tribute to Xander having been acknowledged and with Xander accepting the gesture, if Spike gave himself freely they would be teetering on the verge of an unholy covenant that Xander, despite his acceptance and toleration of most things, would undoubtedly have a difficult time understanding, let alone wanting.

“Xander…”

“See?  Not so easy when it’s you as property, huh?”

“Xander…  Y’know the trouble you had coming to terms with any hint of my possessiveness?”

“Stop changing the subject.  Say it.  Say it.”

“If I—  Bloody hell, Petal, you don’t have a clue.”

“C’mon, you big coward,” Xander genially, mistakenly taunted, “say it.”

A renewed blast of intrinsic longing hit Spike in a heady rush, and he stared greedily at the scar on Xander’s neck.

“Is that really what you want?” Spike asked, toying with his own emotions and growing unbearably harder for it; fighting to sound composed yet barely able to keep his true visage under wraps as Xander ground up against him.

“You think it’s all about me belonging to you?  How about if you belong to me?”

“Yeah,” Spike growled.  “How about that?”

Knowing he had to put a stop to this line of thought, Spike began to move, a leisurely roll of the hips that would hopefully distract Xander – both of them – from this glorious insanity.

“Knew you wouldn’t,” Xander laughed breathily as he matched Spike’s movements.  “Maybe we should turn this round.  Let me fuck it out of you.”

“You’ll—”

Spike laughed too now, but for obviously different reasons.  This was getting worse and worse: absurdly, his demonic core was ready and willing to belong for the first time since Dru had walked away, and Xander didn’t realise the significance of what he was offering, and…what an offer.  Claimed rather than claiming.  Xander might even be persuaded to bite him, take a little of his blood to seal the union.  Not the most common of romantic dreams, but Spike’s, certainly.

“Want me to fuck you, Spike?  Huh?  How d’it go?  You’re mine and I don’t give a damn what you think of that, you’re fucking mine.”

“You should shut up now,” Spike told Xander urgently before the first of the fervent, silencing kisses.

“But—”  Kiss.  Kiss, kiss, kiss.  “Spike…”

“Less talking, more shagging.”

“O…kay.”

A punishing volley of thrusts followed that Xander gave up trying to match, taking it and grasping at Spike, breathless with desire, thoughts of provocation giving way to far baser needs.  As his hand moved swiftly toward his cock, Spike shifted and grabbed his wrists, first the right then the left, holding them above Xander’s head and pinning him down.

“Naughty, naughty.  No touching.”

“I need…”

“I know.  And I’m going to get you there.”

“Now.”

“Maybe.”

“Not asking, telling.”

“Would you be like this with a woman?”

“A woman wouldn’t be driving me crazy with her dick up my ass!”

“I asked you once didn’t I?  And there’s the answer at last.”

“What!”

“Anya.  Didn’t ever strap one on and—”

Giving his own version of the vampiry growl, Xander snatched his wrists from Spike’s grasp and, with an almighty heave, rolled them over.

Froze.

The change in position made him acutely aware of the cock inside him and, hands pressed hard to Spike’s chest, he slowly sat up, mentally recording every sensation, any intention of coming hereandnow deferred by this new experience.  Spike’s fingertips trailed over his thighs, up, down, round in circles, tickling and arousing, sending tingles to his groin that accentuated the extraordinary sensation of being stretched and filled by the vampire’s erection.  It took a while, but eventually Xander focused beyond where they were so intimately joined, staring at Spike’s constantly moving fingers, following the beautiful arms to the beautiful body, and up to the equally beautiful face.  Spike was watching him closely, that brief, unfathomable, and extremely disconcerting expression of anxiety thankfully gone; now he was relaxed again, almost smiling, appreciating every telling emotion that flitted over Xander’s expressive face.

“This is…” Xander started, feeling as if he had to say something, but ‘this is’ proved to be all he had to offer.

“Tell me.”

“I…  It’s…”  Still lost for words, Xander shrugged once, then for a second time.  His hands flexed on Spike’s chest, fingers digging into the silky skin, appreciating the steely vampiric muscles beneath the surface.  “Nice view,” Xander said on a brief laugh, taking a safer route, veering from the tumult of mystifying feelings that had unaccountably struck him.

“Yeah,” Spike agreed.  “Nice view.”

Spike’s thumb trailed lightly along the underside of Xander’s rigid cock, swiping off the latest dewdrop of pre-come that was threatening to drip onto his belly, bringing it up to lick away and chuckling at the groan from Xander in response to that simple act.

“Do I just…”  Xander rose a fraction and settled on Spike’s hips again.  Rose.  Settled.  “Wow.”

“Sit up,” Spike encouraged, hands on Xander’s hips and lifting.

“Am I doing this wrong?”

“No.  Stay put for a minute.”  As Xander remained poised on the very end of Spike’s cock, Spike reached out and grabbed a tube of lubricant, spreading some on his fingers and quickly transferring it to his shaft.  “There you go.”  Spike flicked the tube aside.  “Want more than a bit of spit.”  Xander nodded in appreciation and let Spike’s hands sit him back down.  “Not about to bounce around like a maniac then?  You’ve got a lot more restraint than I had the first time.”

“I want to kiss you,” Xander whispered, and Spike immediately responded by pushing himself up onto his elbows, gesturing Xander to him with jerk of the head.  “I don’t think I can move.”

Spike nudged up with his hips and Xander gasped and fell forward, catching himself on his arms, and in a convenient enough position for Spike to be able to close the gap between them.  As Xander made the most of what he’d been given, kissing Spike, exploring his lips and mouth as if this was the first kiss they’d ever shared, Spike leisurely fucked him from beneath, appreciating Xander’s emotional rather than physical vulnerability and taking care to be gentle now.

Leaning on one elbow, he freed a hand to wrap lightly around Xander’s erection, not stroking or squeezing, just holding, and enjoying this hot and heavy illustration of the man’s desire.  Xander tentatively began to move on him, borrowing Spike’s rhythm, and creaking in his throat when the vampire’s hand went with him rather than remained still to be fucked into.

“Oh, God, I wanna come,” he murmured against Spike’s lips, and Spike, tightening his grip on Xander’s cock, began a slow, firm pump.  “No, don’t, don’t, I don’t wanna come yet.”

Spike laughed at his indecisive friend before making the decision on Xander’s behalf; effortlessly, he flipped them back over, ignoring the feeble protest, pressing himself close to Xander’s body and fucking with short strokes that battered Xander’s prostate.  More kisses: hard and demanding now; once again Xander’s wrists were seized and pinned above his head by one of Spike’s strong hands, but the grip soon changed to something incongruously tender, their fingers playing and entwining.

Xander raised his hips, rubbing his erection on Spike’s belly, wanting yet fighting his impending orgasm; it was only seconds before his body was tensing and tightening on Spike’s cock.  Spike eased up, and Xander gave a manly whimper.

“Forgotten, have you?” Spike whispered as he laid his head on Xander’s right arm.

“Forgotten?”

“That I’m making you mine.”

Xander’s left hand escaped the knot of fingers and headed groin-wards; Spike snatched it back, held it firmly now.

“Fuck me, Spike.  Spike.”

“You’re mine.  Know that.”

“Yes, already!  In bed.  In bed I’m yours.  For now.”

Spike considered the less than adequate offer and exhaled a hard done by sigh.  Xander opened his eye just in time to see the cheeky smile on Spike’s face.

“That’ll do.”

Xander let out a triumphant yell as Spike suddenly jerked into him, back to fucking him at a furious rate, battering the climax from his sensitised body within seconds.  The delicious sensation of Xander’s semen spurting and smearing between their bellies was all that Spike needed to bring about his own release, and knowing that Xander could feel this inside him, feel the demon’s cool seed penetrating and owning him, made the orgasmic spasms unbelievably fierce.

Not aware of dozing off, Xander woke as Spike moved to his side and a handful of sheet wiped his stomach dry.

“Us…” Xander murmured.  “Just us…not so bad.”

“Not so bad,” came the equally muted reply, Spike’s voice betraying little of the disappointment he now felt, the horrible sensation of utter failure.

They both semi-dozed for a while, until Xander stirred and stretched, wrapping his arms around Spike as he re-settled.

“Sometimes…  Sometimes this is kinda scary.”

“Hmm?”

“You touch me in ways…”  Xander shrugged.  “You okay?”  Now Spike shrugged.  “I mean, after what we were talking about.”

“Shouldn’t I be asking you that?”

“Spike…  I didn’t lose heaven.”

Spike snuggled in and kissed Xander’s neck.

“This’ll do for me, Love.  This is heaven.”

“Jeez, you’re so corny,” Xander scolded, but it was with the biggest grin on his face.  “Heaven, but…”  He quickly adopted his best faux despondency.  “You wouldn’t say it.”

“I couldn’t.  There are reasons you…”

The smile reappeared, and Xander hugged.

“That’s okay, really.  I never expected you to, not seriously.”

“I wanted to.”

“Sure you did,” Xander teased.

“I did.”

“You ever…  No, doesn’t matter.”

“What?  Xander, what?  Did I ever…?”

“You ever…say it to Buffy?”

Spike shifted uncomfortably: the last thing he wanted to do with Xander was talk about Buffy.

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Because…  Because…”

Another shift; Xander got what he thought was the message to butt out and attempted to respect it.  Attempted.

“It’s okay, I shouldn’t have asked.”

“No, you bloody-well shouldn’t,” Spike grouched.

“But if you loved her…”

“It isn’t about love.”

“No?”

“Love’s the easy bit, isn’t it?”

“Uh…no.”

“Yes.”

“No.”

“Yes.  You can love someone without liking them, can’t you?  You don’t unequivocally offer yourself up to someone you don’t always like.”

There was an edgy, thought-filled pause as Xander jumped – nay, bounded – to the wrong conclusion.

“So…you don’t like me any better than you liked Buffy.”

“I didn’t say that.”

“You didn’t have to say it, you just showed me well enough.”

“No, Xander.”

“You couldn’t even play along, you couldn’t even humour me when you had to know I was joking.”

“Xander…”

“What would I have to do to get more out of you?  Beat you up?  Treat you like a worthless piece of crap?”

“You’re the complete opposite of Buffy.”

“I’m—  That has to be right, sure, I see that.”

“You do?” Spike asked hopefully.

“Yes.  You respected her.  Maybe you didn’t like her, but you respected her.”

“Sodding hell, it’s not…”

“Do you respect me?  Let’s think about that.  How many times have you just taken what you wanted?  No stopping in the nick of time with me, huh?  No rushing off to Africa to the soul doctor to figure out if there’s a fault.”

“Xander…”

“Me, you appear to like, but anything more is just sex.  Which you said was better than with Buffy but maybe that’s what you always say when you want to keep the person you’re fucking sweet.  After all, it wouldn’t be as big a lie as the heaven lie, and you totally screwed me over on that.”

Spike hugged the tense body, wishing he could explain…anything.

“Ah, Love…  How did we get here?  Bloody glorious bout and now…”

“Bout,” Xander snapped.  “That how you see it?  Every time you fuck me you’re winning a round?”

“Now you’re being ridiculous.”

Even as Spike said it he knew it was the last thing he should have said; he let himself be shoved away and watched Xander’s back turn on him.  This time it certainly wasn’t an offer to cuddle up.

An hour slowly passed, but neither man slept.  Both lay in silent thought, trying to figure out what was going on here.  Xander found himself unhappily but, at last, honestly acknowledging his very deep, very real insecurities about following in the footsteps – or should that be bed-space – of a women he had both mindlessly lusted over and mindfully adored.  Surely he was allowed to feel inadequate sometimes, with his maimed face and inelegant body?  Surely Spike could play along and make him feel good in the middle of a fuck, generally a time when you could say any kind of stupid, romantic thing knowing that, post-orgasm, it was written off as heat of the moment?  Still willing to make excuses for Spike?  Oh, yeah.  Seeing as it was generally, erroneously, accepted that men didn’t need that kind of fluffy stuff, did Spike even know he could promise Xander the Earth and not be expected to follow through?

Spike, being marginally less dense than he often appeared, had arrived at the post-Buffy syndrome quite rapidly, and understood Xander far better than Xander would have believed, maybe even better than Xander understood himself: after all, try following Angelus in Drusilla’s affections.  It hurt that he couldn’t give Xander what he wanted, but how could Spike explain any of the complex issues at hand while Xander’s trust in him was still shaken and, more importantly, the man was determined that they, as a couple, would be over once this was over?  Xander, in a show of admirable and irksome sense, had made up his mind.  However hard Spike tried to fool himself, and despite his attempts to prolong this affair with bribes – initially the trip to London but then who knows what – Xander seemed positive that they as a couple would be concluded along with the mission.  Right now Spike – and this would be a Spike who was still overwhelmed and a little frightened at the strength of his desire to give Xander anything and everything he asked for - couldn’t say the simple words that Xander understandably wanted, not without dire consequences for both of them.  Even if this relationship did miraculously last, Xander might never be able to accept the intensity of bonding that Spike – that a demon – was bound to offer.

“Spike?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you know you can say…whatever when we’re fucking, but I won’t expect it to mean anything when we’re done?”

Spike sighed, bracing himself for Xander’s disappointment.

“Yes.”

“Oh.  Okay.  There goes that excuse.”

“Xander, I know I shook you up with the things I said earlier, I know I let you down over the heaven business and now you need some kind of reassurance…”

“It isn’t that.”

“Let’s pretend it is, eh?  Then I can heap affection on you, and…”

“No.  I’ve heard enough lies.”

“What if the truth isn’t something you want to hear?”

“What if…?  Fucking hell, not again, just…  Kiss my ass.”  Xander felt the covers tug at him and snapped, “Not literally.”  Spike came back up the bed and, regardless of the lack of encouragement, snuggled.  “Think I want this?” Xander demanded, attempting and failing to shrug Spike off.

“Yes.  I think you do.”

In the ensuing quiet, Spike felt Xander gradually relax into his embrace, and he adored this man for his enduring trust, especially when he knew he didn’t particularly deserve the honour.

“It doesn’t matter…” Xander eventually said, softly, sleepily.  “It doesn’t matter if this is temporary, or insane, it doesn’t matter if this isn’t destined to be the greatest love affair of our lives, I’m not what iffing, and it doesn’t matter…  The words don’t matter.  I don’t know what’s wrong with me.  Words don’t matter.  What matters is…we’re good together, and…I’m not so good alone.”

“Me neither.”

“But…can’t you afford to humour me if I’m going to be dead before Christmas?”

“No,” Spike answered with genuine sadness.  “I can’t.”

“No?”

“No.  I will explain.”

“Now?”

“Tomorrow.  You sleep now.”

“Should get up: it isn’t even late.”

“You’re knackered, Love.  Sleep.”

“And you’ll explain tomorrow?”

“I promise.”

Xander wriggled his hip away from Spike’s caressing fingertips.

“Tomorrow.  That too.  Tomorrow.”

“Fair enough.  I s’pose I can wait.”

Xander wriggled back, wanting to be held, needing proof that as far as nightly cuddles were concerned, normal service had been resumed; Spike willingly obliged.

“I could sleep for a week,” Xander yawned as his consciousness drifted.

“Do that.”

With a dopy nod, Xander was gone, leaving Spike awake and pondering the wisdom of sharing more truths, truths of a variety that could drive a massive wedge between them.  It was unintentionally amusing, bearing in mind how much Xander had admired his honesty; funnier still to Spike’s often perverse sense of humour was Xander demanding the last thing he actually claimed to want.

“Give you a vampire for Christmas, shall I?” Spike whispered into Xander’s hair.  “Blow over when it’s over right out of the water?  Say what your insecure little heart wants to hear and saddle you with this grabby old demon for life?”

“Turn around, you’ll see,” Xander unconsciously mumbled in response, caught in the midst of a dream and growing fretful.  “There.  See there.”

“What’s there, Love?”

“Heaven, getting away, getting away,” Xander groaned, disturbed and disturbing, and it was with some difficulty that Spike shushed and stroked him back to the calm place.

“Doesn’t matter, forget it, forget heaven.”

Heaven.  It seemed a long time since that had mattered.  Spike had been pleasantly surprised by Xander’s reaction to his announcement about heaven – it was actually calmer than his own when he’d finally figured out why his emotions were so haywire on the subject.  The emotional fallout – and not to mention feeling like a gold-plated idiot – would certainly make him think twice in future about indulging in lies that even he didn’t know were lies.

The untimely amusement resurfaced.  Damaging lies; damaging truth.  This relationship was fated and Xander Harris would go down in demonic history as the human that dusted William the Bloody, not for his evil ways, but for being bloody honest.  Spike would explain and Xander would freak out, reject him, heap scorn upon the old ways and…

Pretty much as Xander had predicted, the right provocation and the latent anger that Spike harboured toward him re-emerged, startling Spike with its ferocity and wiping out any trace of good humour.  For a split second, all Spike could think about was escaping the bed and the room, but…no.  He wasn’t about to leave this desirable spot, not tonight, not when Xander was clinging to his arm and, even in his sleep, actively pressing into the comfort of Spike’s body.  No going anywhere, and Spike forcibly quelled the negative emotions before setting himself the task of manufacturing an explanation for the following day, hopefully one that would satisfy but not terrify Xander, and leave himself free to fantasise over saying the words with no real danger of committing the pair of them to an impossible reality.

After all, this, allegedly, was not destined to be the greatest love affair of their lives, and bearing that in mind, their immediate future boiled down to a few more fabulous shags and then a period of damage limitation, post-over when it’s over.  No point in ruining what little time they had left by…

The anger returned in a sickening rush, and if over when it’s over had been a beast that Spike could lay his hands on, by now it would have consisted of several steaming piles of its dismembered parts.

“…it doesn’t matter if this isn’t destined to be the greatest love affair of our lives…”

Blue eyes flashed gold in the dark, and a low snarl escaped the vampire.

“It matters, Love.  It matters.”

Manifestation 28       Manifestation Index       Manifestation Notes

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