Spike watched with interest how close Xander kept to Patrick.  He also watched with interest as Patrick tried his best to give every one of his sons – children, rather, because Willow certainly was included – equal attention, watched and experienced in his own case, but Patrick returned to Xander time and again, unable to keep from hugging and kissing him, so obviously delighted by the reclamation of his eldest son.

“Pádraig thought it was impossible, to have Xander back in the fold after the way Taranis stacked the odds,” Beth commented as she joined him, successfully interpreting the amusement that trickled through the bond as Spike followed Patrick’s behaviour.  “You can’t blame him for being a little…fixated.”

Spike merely nodded, and continued to watch, his attention now caught by the third member of the Sunnydale faction.  Jake was still in the process of introducing Willow to various individuals, and she was smiling and enthusiastic, content to hang onto Jake’s arm and be proudly presented as the family’s latest addition.  It touched Spike as deeply as anything had in the past few hours – the fact that Willow felt safe, at last she felt secure.  He could sense it through the bond, and that made him wonder just how much privacy any of them did or didn’t have.

“The hyper-sensitivity will be short-lived,” Beth told him, “and although the emotions are quite strong, and the link between you and Xander must feel quite open, you’d have to point a specific thought, words or an idea, quite deliberately and clearly for it to get through to anyone else, so you’re not completely exposed.  Meantime…”  She quite literally read his mind and laughed.  “Yes, that pointed!  Meantime you could corrupt the entire family.  But you’re going to be good.”

“Yes, love,” Spike replied innocently and with suspicious promptness.

“You’re not too old to put over my knee,” she threatened, before sighing to herself in satisfaction.  “God, I’ve missed saying that outside of the bedroom.”  Spike kinked an eyebrow and Beth reached up to un-kink it with a determined finger.  “Behave.”

A familiar laugh and Spike nodded toward Willow and Jake.

“Think you’ve got that right?”

“Oh, I know I’ve got that right, and they’ll know it soon enough, I promise.”

“As long as she’s happy.  He mucks her around and I’ll knock his block off.”

“He’d never hurt her.  She’s not like the others, she…”

“Can touch his heart.”

Spike remembered Jake’s earlier words, the sadness he’d felt at them, sadness that now gave way to hope.  Still, Spike had had to make some attempt at sustaining his, frankly, non-existent Big Bad reputation, not that he was seriously anticipating any block-knocking.

“She can.  She has,” Beth observed, seeing the fondness that passed between Jake and Willow as they laughingly attempted to answer the unanswerable questions being posed by Long Paul from accounting.  “You like Jake well enough, don’t you?”

“Course, I lo…  Love him,” Spike said as he inwardly probed the sensation, soon matching Beth’s knowing smile.  “Like a brother.”

A wave of distress crashed through the bond, and the family, as one, froze, zeroing in on the source.  A particularly harsh memory had been resurrected by an apparently harmless reference during a conversation, and Rafe had collapsed into one of the vast leather armchairs, face in his hands.  Before anyone else could move, Moira had squeezed into the seat with him, pushing comfort at him, physically and mentally.  Patrick joined them and fussed; Spike turned back to Beth.

“There’s going to be a lot of that, isn’t there?”

“Happy memories too,” Beth said, subdued despite her positive words.  “Excuse me, I have to…”

“Oh, yeah.  Plenty more of that.”

Out of habit and more, Spike sought Xander’s eyes across the room; the two of them naturally moved together, meeting with a supportive hug.

“You feel that?” Xander whispered, “How fierce that was?  I don’t think I want to remember if it means…”

“We’ll cope, love.”

Xander looked round when he felt a hand on his back, and opened the hug to include Willow and Jake.  A few minutes on and Spike surrendered to the growing need to seek out Rafe and offer his own support; with some effort he forced himself away from Xander, passing easily through the throng that deferentially parted before him.

“They know Spike’s different,” Xander stated rather than asked.

“I think they feel it.  Not like we feel it, but…  Yes,” Jake agreed.

“They’re thrilled that he’s here,” Willow assured.  “We’ve been talking to people and we know that.”

“Oh, I didn’t think…  Well, I might’ve thought…”  Xander took another look at the way their friends were reacting to Spike.  Heightened interest, but surely that was natural under the circumstances?  Affection.  Yes, undeniable affection.  “I don’t think,” Xander said firmly.

Willow gave Jake a surreptitious prod.

“Hmm?  Oh, right, yes, I might just…”

And Jake left them, joining the cluster of family around his rapidly recovering cousin.

Relatively alone for the first time, Xander and Willow shared a private hug, basking in the familiarity.  As they parted…

“Wills…”

“Xander?”

“Are you going to tell Buffy?”

“We have to tell Buffy.”

“I know that, but are you going to tell Buffy.”

“You don’t want to tell her yourself?” Willow enquired lightly, unable to keep the grin from her face.

“I think you may be able to make this sound credible.  I’m going to make it sound as unbelievable and far-fetched as it actually is.”

“She won’t begrudge us this.”

“No, I know, but…”

“Her argument will simply be that we should have told her before rather than after the event.”

“Yeah, and you can explain, reasonably, why that wasn’t possible.”

“You could explain.”

“No, apparently I always sound like I’m accusing her of something, or trying to cover up a monumental fuck-up, or plotting world domination and the downfall of civilisation as we know it.”

“Didn’t we do that when we were ten?  The plotting, not the actual dominating.”

“Simpler back then, wasn’t it?  We’d bring about the end of the known world, then Jesse’s mom would fetch us milk and cookies.”

“Oh!  Oh, oh, oh!” Willow exclaimed excitedly.  “Remember being superheroes?  What we picked?  You chose fire, controlling fire.”

“And I also wanted to fly, and—  I was ten years old, Willow.  Did you go on to become…what was it?  Intellecto-girl, with the sum of the world’s knowledge at your—  ‘Kay, let that one go, shall we?”

“I’ll talk to Buffy, you tell Dawn, Spike gets to break the news to Angel.”  They exchanged a wicked look.  “Can we listen in on that one?”

“I can cope with Dawn.  If she can cope with me.  Me being…”  Xander took a sharp inhalation.  “I don’t think I’m going to wake up.  I think…I think this is real, this is happening.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Even my denial was in denial, but…  It’s kinda funny in hindsight; I don’t know how Spike’s tolerated me recently.  I’m all, ‘Tell me, I can take it, child of the Hellmouth’, and the minute he tries to tell me?  ‘No, no, don’t tell me, don’t want to know, nononono’, and persuading his mouth into any kind of activity that renders it incapable of speech, and you so don’t need to know that part of it.”

“Xander, you do know…”

“Yeah, okay, I know, at least I think I know…  I think – know – this is real.”

“It’s real, Xander.  I promise.”

“Which means…  My grandfather, true grandfather, is a god.”  Xander shook his head and laughed edgily.  “No, that still doesn’t sound real.”

“But it could explain a lot.”

“It could?”

“How you managed to live through the Hellmouth years, what with the whole being a demon magnet thing you had going for you.”

“I’m not—  Oh.  Maybe – and this is only a maybe – I am.  Maybe.  Circumstances beyond my control.”

“And I may be wrong, but…  I’m starting to think that this is why Spike is the way he is, why William was never overwhelmed by his demon.  Not because of some mistake that was made, but because William was the grandson of a god too.”

They turned smiles on Patrick as he joined them, slinging an arm around Xander’s shoulders for a countless time.

“At the point of William’s turning, the original Will would have been a very strong influence,” he explained, having overheard the last few seconds of their conversation.  “We were on the brink of Repossession, waiting for you…”  Xander.  “…to reach London in the hope you could be talked into it with no preparation.”

Xander stared at him incredulously.

“You were going to come up to me in a bar and say…”

“Hey, pal, want to live forever?  Something like that.  Everything else had failed, after all.”

“You think it’s a possibility then?” Willow pressed.  “Why Spike is like he is?”

“I’d like to think so,” Patrick agreed before focusing his attention on Xander once again.  “How are you?”

“Crawling out of denial.”  Patrick nodded and Xander resumed the crawling.  “So…  Granddaddy is a god.  Patrick – Pádraig…”

“Daddy,” Willow interjected with a bounce.

“The son of that god,” Patrick continued.  “Actually, make that a disgraced son.  Disgraced and estranged and most definitely the outcast son of a god.  In fact…  Sorry.  Carry on.”

“We’re actually a family,” Xander said with suitable awe.  “All of us.  And, thank God – but not that god – you too,” he smiled at Willow.  “All-encompassing all.”

“You think that’s why you originally came here?  To be with your family?”

“My reasons for leaving Sunnydale were valid, but as for coming to this precise place…  Is that why I came here?”

Patrick smiled contentedly and nodded again.

“Homing instinct.”

“And is that why Spike – William…”

At the sound of his name, Spike joined them.

“What about William?”

“That’s how you found me,” Xander whispered in astonishment as another part of the long mystery fell into place.  “Homing instinct.  The demon was fully in retreat and it was William in control, and nineteenth-century William, under the influence of the original William, came to his family.”

“Oh.  Right.”  Suitably unimpressed.  “Now, come and have…”

“Spike, that’s a really big deal, and…”

“You’re looking a bit faded, love, come and eat something.”

“I’ve always wanted to know how you found me.  William always wanted to know.”

“And now he does.”  Spike smiled sympathetically at Xander’s concern.  “Privately?”

Spike guided Xander back to the hall, and they sat on the bench in thoughtful silence for a while, acknowledging the delivery of glasses of beer and platefuls of food with grateful smiles.

“You didn’t want to know?” Xander asked when he was halfway through his supper.

Spike shrugged.

“I’ve been clinging to the romantic nonsense of it for a long time.  Me finding you because of love.”

“You did.”

“No.  It was this.”

“You came to me, though.  If it was just this, surely you’d have gone to Patrick, or Beth?”

“Not that it matters.”

“It matters.”

“Yeah, it does.  Love’s bitch,” Spike chuckled, “to the last.”

“I like that.”

Xander smiled, and Spike smiled back.

“Me too.”

“And maybe…maybe you used this to get to me.”  Spike cocked an eyebrow.  “Expediency.  You exploited the homing instinct ‘cause it would bring you to me, and you were coming to me…”

“Out of love.”  Spike considered and nodded.  “I can work with that.”

Food and canoodling later, they re-joined the family and the clan.  Xander left Spike in conversation with Max, joining Rafe to satisfy himself that the shattering memories had left no ill-effect, finding his friend recovered and accepting of what had occurred.

“What did you remember?”

“We’ll discuss…everything…when you’re caught up.”

“How bad was it?  And…who was it?”

Rafe shook his head.

“Later.”  Quickly adding, “Don’t bother to argue,” as Xander drew breath to do just that.  “There is something I need you to do, though, and there’s no point in arguing about that either.”

“I bet, when we were growing up, you never let me get away with anything.”

Rafe smiled, heaved Xander to his side, and dropped the standard heavy kiss onto his head.

Suitably primed, Xander made his way through the mounting celebration to his target.

‘Once.  Just say it once, and watch the pronunciation.  Once.  That’ll be enough.’

“Hey, Lexy!” burst delightedly from Moira, accompanied by an equally jubilant embrace.

“Hi.  Mum.”

…

An hour later, and Willow gravitated to Xander, Xander to Spike, Jake to Willow, and Patrick to the cluster.

“What’s wrong, love?” Spike wanted to know after five minutes intensive Xander-studying.

“Wrong?”  Spike nodded encouragingly and Xander dipped his head, staring at the floor.  “It’s, um…  I was talking to Moira about the whole mother/son thing, and it got me thinking about my mom, and Joyce.  Buffy’s mom,” Xander clarified for Patrick and Jake.  “Losing them.  And it’s started to sink in.  That I’m going to watch Buffy and Dawn and a lot of other friends get old and…and…”

“Would it have changed your mind about joining us?” Patrick asked warily.  “If you’d thought of that before?”

“No,” Xander replied after a few minutes thought, a glance at Spike letting him know how right he’d got this.  “But I wouldn’t feel so selfish right now.”

“You don’t have anything to feel guilty about,” Jake insisted, and Xander wondered if there had ever been a time when Jake hadn’t automatically jumped to his defence.

“I won’t lie to you, Xander.”  Now Xander met Patrick’s eyes.  “It’s possible there’ll be moments when you’ll be so depressed over losing your friends that this won’t feel worthwhile.”

“Is there anything I can do?”

“For you or them?”

“Either.”

“Umm..  The obvious.  Be good to them whenever you have the chance.  Never part on a bitter word, just in case it’s the last.  Make sure there are no regrets.”

“I wish they could have been with us.”

“Dawn wants children, and she’s going to be a wonderful mother,” Willow interjected.  “You wouldn’t want to take that away from her, would you?”

“No, but…”

“And Angelus will probably turn Buffy.”

“No!” Xander snapped at Patrick.  “That isn’t going to happen.”

“But that way we wouldn’t lose her, and I could fix her soul,” Willow said cheerfully; Patrick’s arm fell across her shoulders.

“That’s admirably practical.  Y’know, I always wanted a daughter, and you are perfect,” he grinned, and Willow beamed back.

“And after Dawn has had her family, Angel could…”

“I need some fresh air,” Xander said abruptly, turning on his heel and disappearing in the direction of the garden.

Willow looked stricken.

“Xander!  I wasn’t serious, I’d never…!  Oh, damn, should I—”

“I’ll go,” Spike waved her to stay where she was.

“I didn’t…”

“I know.  And he will.”

Spike followed Xander and Willow gave a miserable sigh, leaning more heavily into Patrick.

“I remember,” he recounted wistfully, “being on the shore below Dunscaith with Xander – the grown up version.  He said…  ‘Would you like to talk me out of being in love with Will?’”

“Did you say no?”

“I said no.  He wanted me to say no.  But he was also quite cross with me for not finding at least one objection to raise.”

Willow got the point and nodded.  Contrary Xander: she knew the man well enough, but recognition didn’t make her any happier, and Jake took her hand, rubbing comfortingly.

“I should know better.”

“Mmm.  Me too,” Patrick admitted guiltily, but his attention refocused as he saw and felt the connection that Willow and Jake had already formed.  “I hope you’re not going to ask me to talk you out of…”

“Friends,” Jake said sharply, throwing a reprimanding look in Patrick’s direction.  “No pressure.  Simply…friends.”

Patrick took a step back, holding up his hands in a gesture of surrender.

“Friends, of course.  I’m…”  He pointed toward the kitchen.  “Can I fetch you anything?”  Two shaking heads, and Patrick strolled away, muttering to himself: “Simply friends, my ass!”

…

Xander was standing a hundred yards from the house, lit by a dazzling moon in a clear sky: not a cloud to be seen, and Xander was checking quite thoroughly.  Spike approached slowly and stood behind Xander, fingers walking his hands around his partner’s waist, arms eventually clamping into place as he leant his chin on Xander’s shoulder.

“When you have eternity before you,” he whispered, “the trick is to live in the moment.”

“I’m not going to wake up.  This is it.  Maddest of the mad Xanders takes centre stage.”

“Stop thinking.  For tonight.”

“I can’t, my mind is racing, I keep seeing things, hearing…the past, I’m hearing the past, and…  Willow was kidding, wasn’t she?”

“Yep.”

“What is the matter with me?” Xander groaned.  “It’s a wonder I have any friends at all.”

“I’ll always be your friend, you miserable, temperamental, sexy bugger.”  Xander leant his head back and tilted to kiss Spike’s cheek.  Sighed.  “Stop thinking, Xander.”

“I’m never going to be able to see Buffy or Dawn without feeling guilty.”

“Maybe Red was right, then, joking or not.”

“You’re about as funny as her.”

“See, if I’d’ve turned you you wouldn’t have given a toss about the morality of expanding the Order, who or how.  My way has its advantages.”

“Oh, sure, that’s…”

Spike caught the haziness as another memory returned for Xander, and at his partner’s involuntary shiver, turned him to meet his face.

“What is it?”

“I…  I need to speak to Pat, I have to…”  Spike released Xander and followed him back to the living room, scanning the faces but without success.  “Where did he go?” Xander said to himself.

“Where does it feel like he went?”

Xander concentrated on the idea of Patrick for a few seconds.

“Attic.”

Upstairs, Xander found Patrick relaxing in the central throne, the one from the great hall of Dunscaith.  A little more enlightenment and Xander looked around.  This was the great hall of Dunscaith.  He wondered how he’d missed that when they returned.  Then again, what with the vampirey antics…

“Xander?”

“Hey, Pat.  You hiding?”

“Not from you.”  Patrick looked over Xander’s shoulder and smiled.  “Or you.”  Spike had followed, Xander could feel him, he had no need to look.  “You okay?” Patrick asked as he turned his attention back to Xander.

Xander came further into the hall, moving slowly, evidently deep in thought.  Spike followed and ran a hand down his arm, catching and holding his fingers.

“What is it?”

“I remembered.  About what happened with those vampires.”

“Bradley?”

“He wanted to turn me.  Use his childe, use me, to force you to become the Master of their Court.  He said…”  Xander flinched.  “Wow.  Want to turn down the rage, sweetheart?  Before…”

Too late.  The sound of feet running up the stairs reached them seconds before Beth.

“What’s wrong, what’s happening?”  She hurried straight to Spike.  “What’s wrong?”

Spike worked at tamping down the anger and they felt the family relax.

“I remembered this vamp wanted to turn me to get at Spike,” Xander explained, and there was another wave of anger.

“Umm…  Mum, you might want to…”

Beth followed Spike’s example and quelled her reaction, just before realising what Spike had called her; teasing or not, it earned him a substantial hug.

Patrick was still patiently waiting to hear why Xander had needed to rush up and share this information; Xander wriggled his fingers out of Spike’s grasp and crossed to sit beside him, taking Beth’s throne.

“You saved me.  I remember.  I wanted to thank you.”  Patrick was already shaking his head.  “You did, you killed those vampires, the ones in the garage.  You burned them.”

“No, I didn’t.”

“It wasn’t Taranis, it was you, I felt you in the power.”

“I didn’t kill them.”

“Pat…”

“You did.”

The stunned expression that Xander had worn for much of the evening re-emerged.

“But…  How could I?  I – I didn’t even know about this stuff.”

“Perhaps it was…instinctive.  You took the power through me and protected yourself.”

“Taranis had had direct access to Xander by then,” Spike pointed out.

“More than that, Xander had had direct access to Taranis.”

Xander took a moment for that to sink in.  It filled him with a whole range of emotions, from frightened to elated, but once he’d finished analysing himself he was left with one main concern.

“What am I, Pat?”

Patrick blinked in surprise as Xander steeled himself for the answer.

“Human.  As human as you ever were.  You know that.”

“Do I?  ‘Cause I kinda missed the part where an average human can flambé a roomful of vampires with a thought.”

“Willow could, and she’s human.”

“Yeah, but…  Okay.  Not okay.”

“You’re human, I promise you.  The main difference now is that you get to be human for a very long time.”

“No more with the ‘burn’ scenario?”

“You could develop that skill if you wanted to.  You’re robust enough to withstand the rigours and you have potentially infinite power at your command.”

Xander was already shaking his head.

“I don’t want to be some superhero.  I’ve seen the way it goes and what it costs, it’s not as cool as the comic books make out.”

“It’s your choice.”

Spike kept quiet.  Despite being more than happy to keep the Xander he knew and loved, he wouldn’t be averse to his partner developing an ego-boosting party trick or two.

“But…what am I supposed to do now?”

“Whatever you want.”

“Do things have to change, ‘cause…  I like my life, I want this life.  The work, and everything I’ve got going for me.”

“Nothing has to change.  You can carry on exactly as you are.”

“I want Spike and me to be settled.  We’ve had freaky pasts and I want some normality for us.”

“You’ll have that.  For as long as you want.”

“And when it becomes obvious that we’re not getting any older…?”

“We sell up, move on, start over.”

“Again,” Beth sighed.  “That’s a hard part of this existence.”

“How many times have you done it?”

Patrick waved the question away.

“I’ve lost count.  Jake would be able to tell you.”

“Has Xander worked with you before?”  Something else was beginning to make sense here, and Spike saw the smile grow on Patrick’s face as he watched him figuring it out.

“Many times.”

“So, the money you keep trying to give him…”

“Is his own.  His share of the profit of countless partnerships.  Amazing what a few centuries interest will amount to.”

“I’m still human,” Xander said quietly in the midst of this, preoccupied and relieved and disappointed and resentfully grateful.

“You did choose humanity,” Spike reminded him, crossing and sliding onto his lap.  “Time to wake up, love: it’s all real, you’re human, you’re nigh immortal, and you’re as rich as Croesus.”

“How can I be human and immortal?”

“The power of a god, haven’t you been paying attention?”

“Humanity means mortality.  This doesn’t make sense.”

“Yeah,” Spike chuckled.  “Gods, eh?”

“And…and…  How rich was Croesus?  And…  Who?”

“Some king or other with a goldmine.”

Patrick stood and stretched, and his power rippled through them; Spike experienced the man’s heartbeat as if it was his own, reminding him of vulnerability and making him glad he hadn’t been physically restored to the original William, however interesting the human body had been on Sleat.

“It mattered to us that you had plenty of money,” Patrick was saying.  “Your wages were justified – you’re very good at your job – but I do confess the bonuses were massively exaggerated.”

“Why?  You didn’t need to do that.”

“I wanted you to have the security that wealth brings, and I tried to accomplish that without raising too much suspicion.”

“What if I hadn’t been good at my job?”

“You’d have won a lottery you’d forgotten entering.  Or a relative you’d never heard of would have died and left you a fortune.”

“Did you know Xander was there?  That day you turned up and found him on site?”

“I knew he was close.  I didn’t know he was that close.”

“What did you feel when you realised it was him?”

Patrick gazed at Xander; father and long-lost son.  Stupid question, and Spike couldn’t believe he’d asked it.

“Elation.”

“And what about when you first saw Spike?  William,” Xander corrected himself.  “Did you recognise him?”

The contentment on Patrick’s face disappeared in an instant.

“It took a few minutes to sink in, who I was looking at.  I can’t tell you how much I envied your capacity for denial right then.  My boy, mistreated to that extent.”  Patrick caught his breath before continuing with understandable bitterness.  “And…what could I do?  I had no choice but to play my part.”

“When you left us…”

“I sat in the car for a long time, trying to take it in, trying to adjust and accept.”

Patrick couldn’t hold Xander’s inquisitive gaze; he shook his head and wandered away.

“He came home in tears,” Beth told Xander.  “Wept for hours.  It wasn’t until the next day that he was able to explain.”

At a nudge from Xander, Spike followed Patrick to his place of retreat.  A delicate prod and Patrick turned, took Spike into his arms, and rocked him.  Spike suddenly had his own flash of memory, of William’s memory: being cosseted like this innumerable times, accepting this doting behaviour from his father, basking in it even as a grown man.

“My boy.  My precious boy and I couldn’t save you.”

“Here and now, Pádraig.  That’s what matters.”

“How I envied Angelus, being the one to kill those—”

Aware of the level of emotion he was pushing into the bond, Patrick slammed down on his feelings, effectively shutting himself off.  The others shuddered.

“Cold, don’t do that, you’re not allowed to do that,” Beth protested, and Patrick gradually eased himself back into the group’s consciousness.

“I’ll tell you about Riley one day,” Xander promised.  “Angel and Riley.  Might make you think twice about what that bite bought you into, but…  Hey, family.”

“You think you can do that?” Spike asked with heavy concern.  “Talk about it?”

“I think I might need to.”

“Am I allowed to be there when you do?” Spike grinned a truly evil grin.

“Am I allowed to not be there?” Beth followed up with an equally sincere grimace.

“Want to know how I dealt with those blokes that hurt Xander?  ‘Cause I have pictures and…”  Beth pointedly cleared her throat.  “…it really can wait.”

Beth strode purposefully to Patrick, rounding him up and shepherding him toward the attic door.

“Drink, husband.”

“Yes, I could do…”

“I was thinking more of you waiting on me.”

The voices disappeared down the stairs and Spike turned to Xander.

“Drink, husband?”  Xander smiled thoughtfully, changed chairs, very deliberately selecting his own.  “You don’t look happy, Xander.”  Xander gave another wan smile, and Spike began to wander around the Wheel.  “What were you expecting when we got here?  Can you remember?”

“I was expecting…  To lose everything I wanted to keep.  Probably to die trying to hold onto it.”

“You kept everything, you got more.  And you’re not happy.”

“I am happy.”

“Lucky for me you’re so pretty when you’re miserable.”

“I’m really not miserable.”

Spike completed another lap of the Wheel in silence before crossing to Xander and kneeling at his feet, drawing him forward and nudging his legs apart until he was comfortably tucked between Xander’s thighs.  Xander winced as Spike used his beard to pull him closer for a kiss, but went along with it, wrapping his hands around Spike’s head and tangling his fingers in the flowing hair.  No longer impaired by perpetual weariness, Xander’s body instantly sprang to horny life, and he defensively dropped his hands to prevent further encroachment on his too-interested groin.

“Let me touch you, love,” Spike coaxed before rubbing his face in the wiry beard that grew down Xander’s neck, infiltrating the bristle with his tongue for a taste of flesh.

“Weren’t you warned against this?” Xander gasped as Spike playfully used a fang to  shave a patch of skin just below his jaw completely smooth.

“You’re mine.  No-one tells me I can’t have you.”  The bare patch was pricked and Xander groaned, jerking himself closer to Spike, pressing hard cock against hard body.  “Want me to take you?  Right here?  Or…  Fuck you on daddy’s throne?”

“Stop it.  Uh, no, don’t—  Shit, yes, do.  Stop it.”

Spike let himself be pushed away, wondering if Xander knew he was only teasing, but happy to oblige if his lover decided to take him seriously.  He placed his hand over Xander’s, added a little pressure and circled, forcing Xander into the kind of touch he’d forbidden the vampire.  The token resistance was soon abandoned.

“Funny.  You don’t look like you want me to stop.”

“I want you like crazy and you know it, but we can’t—”  The reminder of why they couldn’t guilted Xander into sliding back into the seat, away from temptation.  “We want Willow to stay with Jake because they like each other, not because our lust in the bond pushed them into a relationship they weren’t ready for.”

“They might appreciate the…”

“No.  If it went wrong somewhere along the way because we rushed them, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.”

With a sigh, Spike sat back on his heels, gazing up at Xander’s worried face.

“Behaving,” he announced.  “But I tell you, the moment this connection switches itself off…”

Xander could imagine, and that was a bad, bad thing under the circumstances; he took a deep breath and released it slowly, calming himself, trying to fix his mind on something, anything, that would negate the longing he felt.

“The Wheel,” he blurted out.  “Sunshine.  Step inside and there’s sunshine, and Pat said we could—”  The expression on Spike’s face, the desire pounding through the bond to Xander: unsubtle clues that indicated precisely what Spike would have them doing in the sunshine.  “You are a very wicked man,” Xander chided, and Spike looked utterly delighted before darting up to kiss Xander once more.

Vampire finally dissuaded, Xander was up and wandering circuits of the Wheel, much as Spike had been a short time before.  Sensitive in a whole new way, and…

“He’s still here,” Xander murmured.

Smug satisfaction flipped into anxiety and Spike was by Xander’s side in a fraction of a second, pulling him back from the edge.

“Not like before, surely?  You’re safe.  Pádraig said…”

“I’m safe,” Xander assured.  “But He’s still around, naturally; we took what was ours, didn’t strip Him of what was His.  He’s around and I’m…I’m aware of Him.  Not afraid or intimidated, just…aware.  Maybe He screwed up and gave me too much of himself before tonight, a degree of power that shouldn’t have been exchanged.  Ability.  Knowledge.  Hence the ‘burn’.”

“Bribery?  Gave you a taste in the hope you’d want more?”

“Bribery,” Xander considered.  “Or how about…desperation.  If I was all He felt He had left…”

“Don’t start feeling sorry for the old bastard!”

“I’m not.  I guess I just want to understand.”

Spike rubbed a hand over Xander’s chest.

“Is it gone?” he asked in a confidential tone.

Xander nodded, hand coming to rest over Spike’s, stilling it.

“He’s outside, not inside.  Maybe that’s the part I can feel, the darkness that left me, ‘cause I’m so familiar wi—”  Xander snapped into an abrupt pause.  Spike waited patiently, sensing the human’s once-again churning emotions.  “Spike…  You know how that feels, don’t you?  To be clean inside.  Clean at last.”

Spike kissed Xander hard.

“Yes.  Thank you.”  Another kiss and Spike deliberately moved away from that particular subject.  “If it was bribery, He must’ve been truly pissed off when He discovered who He was dealing with.  Disaster, trying to bribe you.  Incorruptible, my boy.”

“That isn’t true.  Even Angel figured it out.  After Riley…”

“That was about my consort, not about your granddad,” Spike said firmly.  “Don’t care if Taranis was hanging around for a cheap thrill, what you did to Riley wasn’t about accommodating gods, it was about legitimate revenge.”

“Wow, you’re so entirely convincing when I want you to be.”

Spike eased Xander closer, nuzzled the recent bite mark; Xander could feel Spike getting hard against his hip.

“You’re pure, Xander.  Drives me wild.  It may have been inside you but the real you, and the darkness, always separate.  You’re pure.”

Xander groaned, wanting nothing more than to offer Spike a further shot at ending that purity right there and then.

“We can’t do this,” he insisted as he pressed the scar against Spike’s mouth.

“You’re right,” Spike agreed, speaking against the tender flesh and bringing up gooseflesh all over Xander’s body.  “Change the subject.”

“I…  I…”  Xander finally managed to push Spike away, laughing as he did so.  “I was going to say that I feel in control of myself, but with you as part of the equation…”

“In control of yourself, right,” Spike said seriously, taking Xander’s wannabe seriousness seriously, unable to prevent himself seriously gazing down the length of the man’s body.

“Hey, I’m up here.”

Spike’s eyes flew back to Xander’s face.

“Yes.  You’re in control.”

“Of me.  The real, whole me.  Feels like the first time ever.”

“Free,” Spike repeated Xander’s post-Wheel message back to him.

“Getting there.  Once our life has returned to normal I guess I’ll find out who I am.”

“You’re the person I’ve always believed you to be.  Maybe now you’ll see it.  Not some bloody Zeppo, not…”

“We’ll need to buy condoms,” Xander said firmly, interrupting before Spike could get into a pro-Xander rant.

“Why?”

“For when we’re in the Wheel.”

“I know you’ve been dithering over it all night, but did I miss the actual moment you went insane?”

Xander lifted the front of Spike’s shirt and gestured to the stain on his jeans.

“Pat and Beth will know what we’re up to but I’m damned if I’ll advertise.”

Spike chuckled and hugged, and eagerly anticipated the dulling down of the bond.

…

Dawn was an hour away when the celebration broke up, the clan members hugging and kissing their fond farewells and leaving first, emptying the drive and road outside the house of double and triple parked cars, clearing the way for the family to depart.  Mood having bounced between gloomy guilt and mild euphoria into the early hours, Xander was experiencing the latter at the time of exodus and sorry to see them go.  As ominous as ‘meeting the clan’ had sounded when Xander first heard the words, he now realised it was a call to party, and any further mention was going to be met with enthusiasm rather than trepidation.

Before he and Spike left, Xander spent a few quiet moments with Samuel, the M’lura having slipped back into his healing coma after the excitement of the night’s events, appearing as dead as he had when he’d been left with Max…was it really just a few nights before?  The young demon was on the sofa in Patrick’s study, cosily tucked up in a thick blanket, and Xander knelt alongside him and held his lukewarm hand.

“Never again,” Xander swore.  “Whatever it takes, I’m going to look after my own.  Whatever it takes.  Whoever I have to be.”

Spike stood outside the door, eavesdropping and approving of the sentiments, raising a finger to his lips to shush Beth as she approached.  She handed over the items she’d picked up from the floor of the attic: ear and nipple rings, Xander’s ID bracelet, Spike’s gold chain.  Despite their silence, Xander was aware of their presence: he sensed them, and they sensed him sensing them.  The door opened and Xander emerged.

“You’ll take care of him?  ‘Cause, we can always…”

“He can stay with us for the moment.  Though I’ve no doubt he’ll go back to Max when he wakes, he’s a creature of habit.  And Max does stock those crunchy beetle things he likes so much,” Beth pulled a face as she strode off to return more belongings to their rightful owners.

“Ready to go home?” Spike asked, taking his own last peek at Samuel before closing the study door.

“More than ready.”

“Tired?”

“No.”

“At all?”

“Not at all.”

“Not at all, and we can’t…”

“Nuh-uh-uh, not listening, thinking the pure thoughts.  And…don’t sulk.”  Spike scowled.  “Don’t scowl.”

“Anything I can do?”

“Be patient.”  Xander gave him a look that bulged at the seams with erotic promise.  “It’ll be worth it.”

Xander wandered away; Spike adjusted himself, muttering under his breath and accusing Xander of being the worse kind of tease, leaving the human blushing and giggling to himself as he remembered the present state of share and share alike.

“Do you want to go with Xander?” Jake was asking Willow as he retrieved her luggage.  “I’ll understand if you feel more comfortable with him.”

“Aren’t we supposed to be together?  For the bond?”

“Yes, but we could meet up tomorrow, spend the day…”

“You’d prefer…”

“No,” Jake protested, a little too vigorously.  “I want…  You.”  Their eyes met and held.  Jake cleared his throat.  “You…to…umm…be…  Sure.”

“We should…”

“Talk.”

They nodded in perfect synchronicity before glancing self-consciously around.

“But not here,” Willow voiced their thoughts.

“So…?”

“With you.”

“Sure?”

“If for no other reason than I don’t want to be at Xander’s when…”

“Oh, enough said!”

Willow followed Jake to his car, watching as he paused by Xander’s battered Mercedes.  Without any real thought he passed his fingers over one of the dents, the blue glow beneath his touch a result of his own regained power rather than a drain on Patrick’s.  Willow excitedly reached out for Xander, urging him to join them to see Jake stroking the buckle out of the metal, wanting Xander to witness something of the capabilities he had likely inherited.

Xander hurried to Willow’s side, alarm at her transferred urgency dispelling as he watched the casual touches restoring the car’s bodywork.

“How?” he demanded when Jake finally stood back with a satisfied sigh.

“A simple manipulation of matter and energy, I can teach…”

“Matter and energy!” Xander practically yelled in delight.  “You mean Star Trek was right!”

“Yes, Xander,” Jake told him with a grin.  “About absolutely everything.  And now…”  He mimed flicking open James Kirk’s communicator and twiddling with the control.  “Willow and I are beaming home.”

“Oh…”  Xander sought an appropriately English term.  “Bugger off.”

With a delighted laugh Jake crossed to Xander, embracing him with a vigour that would have been impossible half-a-day ago.  Brother.  The deepest feelings of their kinship swept through the bond.  Humour thrown aside at that, they clung to one another.  Remembering.

The remainder of the family joined them on the drive, saying their own, equally emotional goodbyes.  As Jake turned to Patrick and Moira, Xander went to Willow, hugging her and smiling as, over her shoulder, he saw Beth, Spike and Rafe in a private huddle.

“I’m so glad you’re a part of this.”

“Me too.”

“But…  Willow, promise me, if you ever regret it…”  Willow met Xander’s eyes, expression deadly serious as she nodded for him to continue.  “Just remember it was Beth who got you into this.”

“Now, that’s my Xander,” she announced as she snuggled back into the hug.

Xander’s moment with Patrick and Moira, and saying goodbye, even for the shortest time, was more difficult than Xander could have imagined.  After ten minutes, Patrick virtually frog-marched him to join Spike at the car.

“Go home, rest, enjoy the peace and quiet.”

“What?  You mean I have to leave Spike here?”

Spike snorted at the suggestion, earned himself a cuddle from Patrick, then went to change the blown tyre, unsurprised to find that it had been done for them at some point during the night.

“I know the resurrected memories may be traumatic at times, but they’re the past, keep telling yourselves that,” Patrick told them sombrely.  “You’ve survived them.”  Xander and Spike accepted those affirming words with quick nods, but without attempting to fool themselves for a second that learning of, and coping with, their pasts would be a straightforward affair.  “If you need help dealing with what you discover, just get in touch.”

“Through the bond?” Xander suggested, solemnity breaking into a wide smile accompanied by even wider excited eyes.

“Try picking up the phone,” Patrick suggested warmly, and he kissed his sons goodnight.

They found themselves in a circle, too naturally to be natural, and Xander expected someone to come out with a significant or profound statement, but there was simply…more.  Of the emotions they’d experienced since Repossession, the knowledge of belonging, the reassuring thrum in the back of their minds that represented the other members of the family.

“Time to get on with your lives,” Patrick said when it became clear that something had to be said or they’d be standing there for the remainder of the day.

A final round of hugs and kisses and the couples made it into their vehicles.  Couple and a half as Hamish clambered into the rear of Xander’s Merc.

“I thought maybe you were moving in with the MacDonald’s,” Xander told him.

Hamish…smiled.

“What you did to Xander’s car…  That could be construed as magic,” Willow told Jake as they settled into their seats.

“It’s not magic.”

“Isn’t it?”

“No, it isn’t, trust me.”

“Hmm…  Trust the person behind the magic.  How can I possibly do that?” Willow slowly and deliberately teased.

Xander started the Merc’s engine, sitting waiting with it idling as Spike suddenly rushed back into the house in pursuit of Beth.

“Mommy’s boy,” he sniggered to himself, breaking into laughter as a distinct…

“Don’t get me started on you and daddy.”

…wafted through the bond.

As he waited he examined the platinum ring, now visibly and solidly in place on his finger, and as he twisted it this way and that to polish it he noticed that its inscription had burned into the skin beneath.  Design, he decided, not text, unless this was the one thing he couldn’t read despite being able to read whatever else he couldn’t.  He made a mental note to discuss it with anybody and everybody, but then his attention was drawn back to Spike throwing himself into the passenger seat, book on his lap.

“Can’t believe you almost forgot that.”

“Shall I pretend it called to me?”

“’Kay.”

“It called to me,” Spike strung out with suitable theatrical gravitas.

“Done?” Xander grinned.

“Yep; drive.”

“Take a look under your ring,” Xander suggested once they were on the open road.

“What am I, a contortionist?”

“The one on your finger.”

Pause as Spike studied the platinum ring, the branded symbols.

“Can’t read it, I think…  It’s crude, but it’s a Celtic design, one of those never-ending knot things.”

“Never-ending knot things?  And you’re supposed to be the eloquent one.”

“It represents eternity,” the vampire murmured.

“I think…  I think the rings are a link to our grandmother.  Kind of a token of affection or – or…belonging – can’t get away from that word.  The rings must have been there for all these years and that—  Taranis.  Taranis even managed to take them away from us.”

“No, I don’t think that was it.  At first I thought Patrick was stopping us seeing them, and they only showed up because he grew weak.”

“That makes sense, him hiding them.  He wouldn’t have wanted us asking questions.”

“But it doesn’t explain how he’d have prevented us finding them when he didn’t know us, years ago.  Your theory – the grandmother – is better.”

“She stopped us…”

“No.  She showed us.  When the time was right she showed us what was there.”

“You saw the ring too soon.”

“I saw the ring when she needed me to get back here in a hurry.”

“I guess,” Xander quietly conceded.  He started the car and cruised along the drive, pausing at the gates and still deep in thought as Spike assessed whether it was worth risking the damaged roads and finally gave Xander a nonchalant go-ahead.

“I wish I’d known her,” Xander eventually shared.  “I don’t know if that could have been possible, but she gave up her existence for us and…  Think how much she must have loved us all, Spike.  And we never knew.  And we’ll never get the chance to love her back.  Pat says she’s a part of us and I hope he’s right ‘cause I want to tell her or show her how much I appreciate her saving us – me, saving me – from Him.”

Spike had his own preoccupations, turning the ring round and round as his mind raced.

“Xan…  You really reckon we’ve been wearing these for years?”

“I do, yes.”

“Wonder if it’s why you couldn’t have another ring on that finger.”

Xander took a second to catch on, then he recalled the wedding that never happened, the sheer panic he’d felt at going ahead with it compared to the utter rightness he felt now, with Spike, with this ring on his finger.  It all made sense.  It all.  Made.  Sense.

“I think…  I think you can stop wondering.”

Repossession 120       Repossession Index       Repossession Notes

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