A nothing evening but a troubled night.   Xander had been disturbed several times by Spike’s reaction to the nightmares that had returned to plague him, and this time, like all the others, there was a short spell of doubt when Xander’s fears about an overreaction on the vampire’s part caused Xander to hesitate before waking him.   A sudden escalation in Spike’s breathing, terrified keening, and Xander knew he had no choice but to act.   Whispering Spike’s name, he placed a tentative hand on the heaving chest and rubbed lightly.   The response was instantaneous and startling: one moment Spike was on his back asleep, the next he was on all fours, straddling Xander, eyes flickering gold and an intimidating growl rumbling in his throat.

“Spike?” Xander whispered again, voice beginning to shake, as his next calming touch had the opposite effect and Xander found himself staring into the face of Spike’s demon.   He saw nothing of his Spike, nothing of William.   This was purely the demon.

Xander lay perfectly still, watching as the demon took a few minutes to become acclimatized to its surroundings; it gazed around, inhaled in the direction of the spilt blood that had dried into the carpet, inhaled again as it turned its attention solely to the trembling man beneath it.

“Spike?” Xander tried again, hoping for a glimpse of his lover in the depths of the blazing feral eyes but finding nothing but sharp curiosity and…   Oh, fuck no!   …lust as its gaze travelled over Xander’s naked body.

Feeling a sensation of coldness on his skin, Xander glanced down: pre-come was dripping from the demon’s swollen cock, more so as it took another deep breath, scenting Xander again and responding to the smell of its mate.   If this had been Spike it would have been unbearably erotic, witnessing this statement of arousal drooling onto his body, but this was scary, unsexy…   Nothing like a fantasy, nothing.   …and the waiting, expecting the assault to begin any second, was turning the trembles into deep shudders.

The creature began to lower itself, but at Xander’s frightened gasp it pulled back, studying Xander, scenting, re-scenting.   Xander tried to make his mind work, tried to force himself to think his way through this, but all he could come up with was a pretty basic contingency.   His hand slid under the pillow and came back with a tube.

“Can I use this?” he asked, accepting he was barely audible in his fear, but, hey, vampire hearing.   His shaking hands fumbled with the tube, almost dropped it, held it up to show the demon.   “I know you’re going to…    I know…   But…”   I want Spike to be the first, I want Spike, I can’t…   Another low growl and now Xander did drop the lubricant, knowing the demon would want this with blood and pain, and inwardly ridiculing himself over his attempts to make it easier.

“Mine,” came from the demon’s mouth, sounding just like Spike; for some reason that surprised Xander, but also helped him to be a little braver.

“Yours,” he agreed.   “Always yours.”

“Xander.”

Xander nodded, daring to raise a hand and touch this face he loved, this face he was terrified by.

“And you’re my Spike.   My Spike and I love you.”

Xander clenched his teeth against a scream as the demon dropped, feeling its mouth against his throat, and… High pressure nuzzling, a sensation he recognised from when Spike was distraught and trying to find refuge in his lover.

“Spike?   Sweetheart?”

Spike, the demon, whoever, whatever, began to sob against his neck, and Xander responded instinctively, wrapping him in a ferocious embrace.   Xander turned his head and kissed the vampire’s face, finding the lumps and bumps intact, feeling a reflexive jerk away and manhandling Spike back to be kissed some more.   A degree of tension melted from the wiry form as Spike confronted this acceptance, and the sobbing increased, a raw, inhuman, desperate sound that forced tears of empathy into Xander’s eyes.

“Just a bad dream and its over.   You’re safe, Spike.”   Another few heart-rending sobs before the vampire gradually quietened under the constant barrage of affection.   “Can you talk to me?” Xander asked softly a short while later.   “Can you tell me about it?”

“Make it better,” was the choked reply.   “Make it better.”

“I don’t know how.   You know I’d do anything for you, but I don’t know how.”

“Take it away.   Their filth.”

Another bout of sobbing swallowed up the following words, and Xander went back to stroking and kissing, once again sensing that Spike had difficulty in letting Xander touch his demonic features.

“Don’t you like me to touch your face?”

Spike swallowed hard, gulping back the emotion, quoting with breathless intensity:

“‘Do it once more in my presence and I’ll slice that fucking vile mess you call a face right off.’”

“They…cut you?   Your…your face?”

“Sliced off this fucking vile mess.   Sliced off…”

Xander managed to shush Spike, guiding his mouth back to his neck, knowing the suckling would start automatically, expecting and feeling the intermittent snagging of the extended fangs against his skin.   They sliced off his face.   They sliced off his face?   They sliced.   Off.   His face.   They sliced off his face.

“You’re beautiful.”

“Vile.”

They sliced off his face.

“Beautiful.”

“No.”   Spike tried to squirm closer, and Xander resorted to an old favourite, rolling them until Spike was beneath him, mentally secured by physical weight.   “Better.   Better,” Spike muttered immediately, leaving Xander wondering if it was statement or prelude.   Prelude.   “Better.   Make it better.   Xander.   Make me yours.   Clean.   Yours and clean.   Make me.”

“Listen to me, Spike, listen.   You’re clean.   Perfectly clean.”

“No,” Spike contradicted sharply, raising his head, looking around to check they weren’t being spied on.   “It’s inside.   The filth inside.”

“I promise you, sweetheart…”

“You don’t know.   You don’t know .   Inside.   Filth.   Make me clean, Xander.”

“I can’t do what you want.   I know how…”

“Take me.   Make me bleed.   Wash the filth away.”

“That's…   I can’t.   I can’t hurt you right now.”

Xander gasped as Spike’s fangs shallowly pierced the skin of his neck, the action immediately having the desired effect on the human; Spike wriggled a hand between them and wrapped a fist around Xander’s swiftly growing erection, roughly pumping.   Xander’s protests and attempts to remove Spike’s hand were met with warning snarls: timely reminders about what Xander was dealing with.   He understood for the first time what William had tried to explain about Spike and the demon, that they were one and the same being, tempered by the personality of the host.   It was all Xander could do not to give into temptation and call for William, more than call, beg for William to come and put this madness into some semblance of order before Spike used Xander in a way he really didn’t want to be used.

“Stop this now,” Xander said, sounding pathetic to his own ears so hardly surprising that Spike was getting himself into position, getting Xander into position…   “Stop this!” burst from Xander as he pushed away from the vampire.   “You stop this now!”   Golden eyes flashed madly and Xander’s corresponding flash of fear only made him more indignant.   “You don’t just take.   We’re not like that, we’re not based on that.   We are better than that.”

“Want you.”   Spike’s voice reflected his need and distress and Xander couldn’t decide quite what to hate himself for but he knew there had to be something.   “Xander…”

“Not like this.   You know I love you and I want to help you but I can’t do it like this.”

“Why?   Love me.   Show me.   Have me.”

“I can’t .”

“Why?”

Xander had been trying so hard not to think about it, and now he did his composure completely disintegrated.

“Because…   It makes me them ,” he tried to explain, voice cracking.   “It makes me them and what they did to you…   They made you bleed.   They…   I can’t…   They cut your face, they…”   Xander took another look at his vampire, at the demonic features he treasured as a part of the whole, the magnificent whole.   He reached out with an unsteady hand to touch a brow ridge but, before his fingers made contact, Spike’s appearance was smooth and human.   “Don’t hide from me.   What you are.   I know what you are and I love you.”

“Despite it?”

Xander shook his head.

“I accept it.   All of it, all of you.   You go crazy one day and drain me and I’m going to die accepting it.”

“No!”

Spike snatched Xander to him and Xander went with it, being held so tightly to Spike’s body that there was no point in struggling.   Xander rested his head against Spike’s, letting himself go limp, knowing he could sleep here, like this, clutched in the arms of a demon.   His demon.   He felt the tension gradually leave Spike’s body and the hold became loving rather than possessive.

Despite his earlier fear, the upset, all Xander felt now was a deep, deep peace.   He had faced every major aspect of Spike’s convoluted personality, and had the sneaking feeling that, however unlikely, however unbloody, he had not been found wanting.

“You proud of me?” he murmured dozily, catching the slightest hint of a purr and smiling.

“Always,” came the emphatic reply.   “Always.”

…

Xander was woken by the phone; it shocked him awake as he remembered that he’d arranged for people to come in and clear up the mess in the living room, and he unravelled his body from Spike’s as he spoke to the man in charge, awkwardly propping the phone between ear and shoulder as he found jeans and a t-shirt.

Minutes later he was downstairs, hitting the button to unlock the gates and opening the front door.   Minutes after that he was welcoming Mike and his associates inside, explaining that the extent of the work had multiplied exponentially since they’d initially spoken.   The professional face dropped away as Mike took in the state of the ground floor.

“What the hell happened here?”

“Uh…hands-on version of primal screaming?” Xander ventured, and Mike grinned, shaking his head in bewilderment at Xander’s casual attitude.

“Where do you want us to start?”

Good question.   They wandered around the rooms, made a decision to get all the broken glass out of the way, and Xander left them to it while he made a start on the kitchen so he could at least make them all coffee.   If he could just find enough unbroken mugs to put it in.

At midday he took a mug of blood upstairs to Spike, finding the vampire awake and sketching his memories of the recent chaos.   He glanced up as Xander entered the bedroom, glasses halfway down his nose, hair every which way, eyes warming at Xander’s smile.   Hard to associate with the demon of the early hours.   Xander saw him notice the new mug – this time dark red with gold writing – but he said nothing, just took it and drank hungrily as Xander sat on the edge of the bed and waited to take it back for a refill.

Third mug-full and Spike finally spoke.

“How many?”

“Four of them.   You okay with them being here?”

“You won’t let anyone harm me.”

“That’s right, I won’t.”   So much for being too protective and not letting him look after himself.   “But why should they want to?   I know it’s hard for you to believe but most people are good.   People can be good.”

Xander didn’t blame Spike for ignoring that.

“How’s it going?”

“Quicker than you’d think now the glass is out of the way.”

“Can I help?”

“No.”

“You don’t want me down there?”

“They ask about the blood on the carpet and I point up here and say you’re recovering.   Besides, I’m happier with you well away from the low-flying woodiness of the situation.”   Setting mug, glasses and notebook aside, Spike studied Xander.   “What?” Xander asked edgily after bearing the scrutiny for several minutes.

“I’m trying to decide whether you can be tempted into a whole other kind of woodiness.”

“You can always tempt me.”   Spike began a slow slither across the bed.   “But I’m not coming to bed while there are strangers in the house so forget it.”

Spike collapsed with a groan.

“Want you.”

“You should have thought of that before you wrecked the house.”   Xander turned his head, trying to ignore the vampire’s hand fondling a growing cock through the covers.   “You want to help me pick new furniture and stuff?   Fresh colour for the walls?”

“You do it, love,” Spike said, mind not entirely on the conversation.

“Is it worth my going ahead and buying?   Do you think you’re past the personal animosity against innocent furniture stage of this bout of madness?”

“Don’t know.”

“I’ll arrange for any work or deliveries to be at evenings or weekends so I can be here, okay?”

“Feel how hard I am, Xan,” Spike cajoled.   “Feel me.”

“Yeah, I can guess.”

“Xander…”

“Why are you keeping the piece of glass you left in the bathroom?   Is that your blood on it, my blood?”

“Our blood,” Spike told him as the thought made him rub himself harder.

“And you’re keeping it, why?”

“Souvenir.”

“Of cutting me up?”

Spike’s hand stopped and he looked at Xander.

“I atoned.”

“Is that what they’re calling it now?”   Their eyes met and silent enquiries made; the unspoken agreement not to talk about certain subjects held.   Spike put out his hand and Xander took it, squeezed.   “I thought we’d go out tonight.”

“I’m not good at out,” Spike protested weakly.

“Couple of beers first, then there’s a movie I want to see: sci-fi aspect for me, gratuitous violence for you, how’s that sound?”

“I don’t want to go out tonight.”

“Then I’ll go alone.   I need a break and I’m going.   You know I’d rather you came along so think about it?”   Spike nodded, knowing that out with Xander would be preferable to in without.   “Okay.   You want more blood before I get back to work?”

“You know what I want.”   Spike drew Xander’s hand and placed it over a bulge that rapidly showed renewed interest, holding it in place as he ground himself into the palm.   “Please, Xander.   I’ll be fast.”

“Actually…”   Xander stole his hand back and smirked at Spike’s disappointed whine.   “I’d like to think about it. You know there’s nothing I like better than a long.   Hard.   Think.”

“I hate you.”

Xander laughed, stood, walked around the bed to give Spike a quick kiss, or rather attempt to as the vampire peevishly shunned all advances.   Another laugh and Xander was gone.   It only took a few seconds of intensive sulking before Spike was up and after him, only to find Xander leaning on the wall outside the bedroom with a wide grin on his face.

“You’re so predictable.”

And he bustled the vampire back into the bedroom, tossing him onto the bed and grabbing the tie that was still on the floor beside the bed.   Spike let his wrists be bound to the headboard, so aroused he was fucking at thin air, relishing the expression on Xander’s face when he stood back and witnessed the desperate movements.

“Touch me,” came the soft plea.   “Xander.   Touch me.”   Fingers stretched toward the bobbing, dripping column of flesh and Spike could have wept when they came to a halt bare inches from him.    “Oh, love, please.”

“I could leave you like this.   Couldn’t I?”

“No.”

“Couldn’t I ?”

“Yes.”

“And you’d be good for me, stay just like this, maybe even this hard till I got back.”

“Yes.”

Xander glanced down the bed.

“Could tie your ankles,” he mused.

“No.”   Xander’s head snapped back and he threw a sharp look at Spike.   “Yes,” came the immediate, shallow gasp.

Features softening into the beginnings of a smile, Xander traced his fingertips along the inside of Spike’s thigh until he was barely nudging the vampire’s tight balls.

“Few weeks ago I was looking at this site on the net that sells…umm…marital aids,” Xander grinned at the euphemism.   “Thought I might get you a little treat.   Or would that be me getting the treat? I liked some of the straps.   For here…”   Xander’s fingers and thumb ringed the point of contact between sac and body and tightened.   Spike whimpered and pressed into the touch.   “For here…”   Xander’s fingers moved to the base of Spike’s cock and squeezed hard; another, harsher, whimper and an attempt to fuck Xander’s hand.   “My favourites did both.   There’s this particular strap that pulls the balls forward like so…”   Xander followed his words with actions.   “…and wraps around…so much of the shaft.   ‘Bout…three inches I guess.   Has laces so you can get it as tight as you want it.”   Panting now, Spike bucked into Xander’s hands, just to be pushed flat again.   “Pay attention, you’re going to have to wear this thing.”

“Yes,” scraped out of a dry throat.

“Got me so horny thinking about it I had to come and suck you off.   You wearing something that would turn your cock and balls into…into an offering.   Like you were presenting yourself to me.   Entirely for me.”

“Please.”

“Hey, was that Mike calling?”

Xander’s hands disappeared.

“No!”

“Think it was.”   Xander rose and moved toward the door.   “Better go see.”

“Xander, Xander, Xander…” Spike pleaded.

“It’s okay, I’ll be back in a few hours.”

“Xander!” came the desperate wail, and Xander rushed back, shushing and giggling.

“Not going anywhere, baby.”

“Xander…”   A whispered moan.

“You’re shaking.   God, that’s so sexy.   You’re so sexy.”   Fingers made their way over impossibly perfect skin, plucked at hard nipples.   “Get these pierced for me, Spike.   Or we could do it.   I mean, you heal so fast it would only hurt for a few minutes and…   Don’t bite your lip like that, sweetheart, it’ll…   Bleed, it’s bleeding.   Better not mention wanting to put a bolt through your dick then,” Xander chuckled as his vampire writhed, twisting his body as he tried to find some contact, friction, any relief for his over-excited cock.

“Touch me,” Spike begged, “fuck me, Xander, love, fuck me, show me you love me,” and all of Xander’s thoughts about keeping this one-sided were blown to pieces.

Xander turned Spike onto his left side and repositioned him so his backside was just over the edge of the bed. Xander knelt out of clear sight and Spike twisted again as lubricated fingers began to explore, but this time the reason was nothing to do with pleasure.

“I need to see you!”

“You will, you will,” Xander reassured, opening his flies and pushing his jeans down around his thighs before raising Spike’s right leg and moving into position.   “Over this shoulder,” he explained with a gesture, and Spike let his leg be draped over Xander’s left shoulder, stretching him wide open, also allowing him to see Xander quite easily.   “Okay?” Xander smiled as he played his cock from side to side over Spike’s balls and perineum and ass.

The lust was back and Spike nodded frantically, gazing at his lover with eyes that showed virtually black.  A little more of the slick jelly on his cock, and Xander pressed into Spike’s barely-prepared tightness.

“Yes, fucking yes, fucking yes,” Spike hissed as his hips rotated on Xander’s erection, exacerbating the burn.

“Fucking yes,” Xander quietly echoed.

The slicked hand slid teasingly over Spike, thigh to belly, slipping over his glans and raising a deep, needy growl which increased to something erotically scary before breaking into nothing as Xander began to work his cock in the grasping channel.   The human’s eyes clenched shut and his brow furrowed in concentration, looking as if his deliberate, measured strokes were more about discomfort than such wonderful pleasure.   He created new patterns of movement for this new position until Spike was weak from the experience, knowing every nook and cranny had been explored by Xander’s probing cock.   And each time Xander moved like so…

“There,” Spike gasped, “right there.”   Xander nodded and held the position, grinding his cock over Spike’s prostate.   “There,” Spike repeated.   “Come.   There.   Come right there.   Let me feel you.”

He felt Xander shudder with excitement at his urging and the strength of the thrusts increased, battering that hot spot inside Spike until he was struggling not to come, waiting for Xander because the wash of heat inside him always managed to tip a great orgasm into the realms of the exquisite.   Almost there and Xander pressed into Spike’s prostate, no longer withdrawing but rocking against it, keeping up the stimulation and letting Spike’s vigorous reactions tip him over the edge, giving Spike exactly what and where he wanted.   The vampire bit into his own arm to stifle the cries as he came ferociously hard from the sensation, the knowledge, the man; the spray of semen spattered over his chest and face, and his bloody tongue eventually emerged to collect what it could reach.

Xander kept rocking, pressing, and Spike whined, desperately sensitive now, tied and supposedly helpless, Xander’s arm around his thigh clamping him in place.   He jumped as he felt Xander biting into his leg, drawing enough blood to keep his erection solid and pressing as he rocked.

“C’mon, sweetheart, for me.   Again.   For me.”

Xander’s free hand clamped around Spike’s cock and milked the last dregs of the previous climax from it, determinedly pursuing the next.

“Can’t…   Xan…”

“Can.   You’re still hard.”   Xander jerked on the solid rod of flesh in his hand, proving his point.   “Me too.   Feel me?   Feel me, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Like this?   Me inside you, coming inside you?   Coming inside you, claiming you?”

“Oh God, yes, Xander, fuck me, claim me.”

Xander fucked: long, firm strokes as Spike lay perfectly still and gave himself over to his lover, adored and adoring as a strong hand matched the rhythm of strong hips and set about wringing new pleasure out of him.

Spike was out cold when Xander undid the tie and brought his arms down, guiding the floppy body back under the covers, leaning in for some kisses.   The vampire’s eyes fluttered drowsily open.

“Sleep.   I’ll be downstairs.   You’re safe.”   No acknowledgement other than the eyelids drooping shut.  Xander gave Spike one last kiss and whispered of his love.

Xander met Mike on the stairs, smiled at his timing and looked a question.

“You going to try and save what’s on the hard drive?   And there’s a whole load of loose papers.   They all to keep, throw, you want to sort them…?”

“I’ll deal,” Xander told him, following him down, glancing back wistfully to where he really wanted to be.

…

They didn’t go to Donny’s that night: Xander picked a different bar that he knew had a very quiet, subdued atmosphere – no boisterous young drunks to aggravate Spike in any way.   The lighting was dim and smoky, languid blues played softly in the background; a private booth to themselves and food they could pick at while they talked.   Very relaxing, very relaxed.

“Did they finish clearing up?” Spike asked, having done his best not to look at the ground floor of the house as he’d left.

“All done.”

“So…?”   Spike shrugged.

“I’ll pick a new carpet for the…   You’re not going to do this again, are you?   Because I can wait…”

“I won’t do it again.”

“Promise?”

Spike hesitated.

“I’ll not promise.   But I won’t do it again.”

Xander paused, decided to go with that whatever his personal doubts were.

“Couple of days and the carpet will be down.   Furniture next weekend.   Not everything but just somewhere to sit, somewhere to eat.”

“Why aren’t you angry?”

“I don’t know,” Xander said after consideration.   “Maybe…maybe because you wrecking the place was such a Spike thing to do, Big Bad Spike.   Maybe because you were being completely honest and I recently learnt you’d not been doing too much of that before now.”

“That isn’t true.”

“Yeah, okay.”

“I’ve…   Have I damaged us?   Beyond repair?”

“C’mon, it’s only furniture.”

“I’m not talking about the furniture and you know it.   The things I said to you…”

“Leave it.”

“How can I…”

“Because you’re showing me a scrap of respect, that’s how.”   Xander refused to meet Spike’s remorseful eyes, taking a long pull of his beer and thinking furniture.   “Y’know it’s not like we had that much stuff in the first place, and I wanted to get new things at some point so this has been good, made me make the effort.   Gonna go big, really big: leather sofa you can live on with six friends kind of big.”

“You’re taking it too well.   Denial or shock?”

“I’m glad you didn’t wreck the piano,” Xander pressed on, “or the gym, or the bed.   Especially glad you didn’t wreck the bed.   I don’t want to change the bed.”

“Xander…”

“It was good.   Earlier.”   Xander hesitated.   “Was it good?”

Spike thought and smiled at the memory.

“Good.   Understatement.   You’re a tremendous shag, Xander.”

“I aim to please.”

“Well, your aim is true.”

“I try,” Xander said, quietly, almost painfully, as he focused on his hands tearing a coaster to shreds.

Spike stopped the destruction with a gentle touch, turning in his seat, bringing Xander around to face him, gazing into his eyes.

“Xander,” be began in a whisper.   “Xander.   Love.   Darling.   Spouse.   All.”   He witnessed how much the tenderness in his voice confused and hurt his partner; Xander was blinking hard, having a tough time maintaining eye contact.   “Gonna buy me that strap?” Spike smirked, turning it into a joke because he adored Xander and couldn’t bear to pile the burden that was his love onto shoulders that were already bowing with the weight of his mere presence.   He saw Xander’s relief.

“Yeah.   I’ll show you the site and you can choose whatever you like.”

“I’d rather you surprised me.”

Xander suddenly leant forward and kissed Spike, and it wasn’t a hard kiss but it felt quite desperate to the vampire.   When Xander broke away he looked as if he was about to come out with something earth-shatteringly important, but he turned away and the look went with him, swallowed up by Xander’s capacity for denial.   Xander’s mind groped around for the thread of the conversation.

“I’ll surprise you,” he agreed, sounding decidedly lost.

“You do.   Constantly.”

Xander checked his watch.

“Drink up.”

“I’m not fussed about this film.”

“I’m looking forward to it.   Rafe said it was fun and I want fun.   Boy, do I want fun.”   He finished his beer.   “You’ll enjoy it.”

“Will I?”

“Got any cash on you?” Xander asked breezily.   “Want to get a cab home?”

“You really ready to brush me off?”

“I’m ready to see this movie.   You coming or…?”

Spike watched Xander get up and pull his coat on, and knew with absolute certainty that he was about to walk out of this bar without him.   The possibility of no Xander and Spike experienced a wave of nausea.

“What are you doing?”

“Movie.”

“What are you doing with me?”

“With you?”   Xander gazed at Spike, eyes full of affection and exhaustion.   “I’m…just…waiting for you to finish your beer and get on your feet.”

Xander smiled and his body relaxed.   He was waiting.   Patiently.   Spike felt the queasiness fade to nothing.

“Xander…   Tell me,” he said softly, forcing Xander to come closer to hear.

Xander seemed surprised by the timing of this need for reassurance.

“I love you, sweetheart, you know that.   You know that, right?”

Spike paused, thought, knew, nodded.   He rose and placed a hand on Xander’s wrist.

“I am sorry about…”

“Don’t.   Of all the things you could say to me tonight, sorry is the one I don’t want to hear.”

Repossession 70       Repossession Index       Repossession Notes

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