William stood just inside the bedroom door watching Xander’s restless sleep, too aware of the rough sound that was his own anxious breathing, ferociously loud in the silence.  He was still rather dazed, from being dragged unwillingly back into the light, from facing – he shuddered – Angelus; most of all he found it difficult to believe that Spike would force this responsibility onto him, dismissing quite how unsure of himself he was in this totally unique situation.

But this was about Xander, who he adored, who needed him.  He would do anything for this man, whatever the cost to himself, whatever the resulting punishment.

‘No punishment,’ came from inside him, the demon’s reassurance.

Spike’s presence made this harder and easier, a voyeur and a comfort, intimidating and supportive.  Spike sensed his unease and withdrew further.  William was almost alone in his head.  Almost.

He closed the door; hesitant steps took him to the bedside, and he clicked the lamp on.  He thought about undressing, knew he’d have to do more than think about it.  His hands nervously twitched at his t-shirt as he thought about changing rather than stripping, something suitable to sleep in as he’d found many times before, and Xander had never minded him dressed.

But he was to be ‘whatever it took’, and whatever it took wasn’t likely to be accomplished through layers of material.  Ridiculous, he acknowledged as he trembled his way through disrobing.  He had been given exactly what he wanted and he was too scared to enjoy it.  A further hesitation before he climbed under the covers and laid on his side, as close as he could to Xander without touching, justifiably frightened and wondering what the hell he was supposed to do to make this right.

Easy enough for Spike to say: ‘Give him William, whatever it takes; fuck Xander, let Xander fuck you, get that close, he needs that close.’  What if Xander wanted, expected…  Even Spike hadn’t been able to make love to Xander yet, and now…  William supposed it was too much to hope that Xander would just want to talk.  After all, Spike seemed to know that this was about an instinctive rather than intellectual connection.  Instinctive and physical.  That close.

Xander twisted in his direction, throwing his arm around William’s cool body and falling still for the first time that night.

“Xander.”  Surely too quiet to disturb the human’s sleep, but William heard the change in heart rate and breathing as Xander began to wake.  “Xander.”  William gasped as Xander’s arm shifted and a hot hand caressed his back, sliding down to rest on his hip and squeeze.  “Xander, do you know…  It is William, Xander.”  Xander’s eyes sprang open, and William jumped in surprise before laughing nervously at his reaction.  “Do you know me?  I am not entirely sure that I am the William you long for, but perhaps I am more of him than Spike – the demon – can be, and, if that is so…”

The words were replaced by an exclamation of surprise as Xander pushed William onto his back and pressed himself to the recumbent body, experimentally touching his mouth to William’s before emitting a creak of satisfaction and increasing the force until the kiss was full and hard.

William was torn between whatever it took and unadulterated panic.  This was not Xander as he knew him, didn’t even feel the same – and not only because of the beard; William was scared for himself because he was surely not allowed to refuse…whatever it took.  He fought to be calm, knowing he had to make contact with Xander, that when he did Xander would be kind; on calmer consideration the hands that roamed his body felt more desperate than aggressive, as if Xander were trying to experience and possess all of him at once, and that made sense when he remembered Spike’s explanation of Xander’s state of mind.

“I am here for you, Xander,” he promised when he was able to free his mouth.  “I came to you.”  Xander groaned at his words, seconds before kissing him vigorously enough to bruise his lips.

William felt a strong leg push between his own; he didn’t fight it, he accommodated, knowing what else he’d soon be accommodating as Xander’s rigid cock dragged across his stomach.  He tore his mouth away and took deep breaths that screamed of his fear, any trace of calm evaporating with the memories this action resurrected.  He was being touched, there, clumsily and uncomfortably, and soon the inevitable pain would follow.

He reminded himself that he had promised Spike whatever it took, that he had a demon’s constitution, a body that could not be damaged beyond repair, but the fear and the past caught up with him in a rush; he had never known this act with kindness and couldn’t bear to include Xander in the nightmare list of those who had brutalised him.

“Please do not be harsh.”  An abrupt plea that shattered the moment.  “Please,” he begged.  “Please, Xander.”

Xander froze.  After a long moment he woke.  He woke.  Blinking hard several times, he stared at the man beneath him in disbelief.

“What the…?  William?  William?”

“Yes, Xander,” William replied obediently, voice tremulous.

“I…  What…”

Even if the what was beyond him, Xander figured out the where and tried to move away; William held him fast.

“Stay with me.”

“I…  Yeah.”  Xander relaxed and a smile transformed his worried face.  “Hey, honey.”

“Hello, Xander,” William said with a similar smile because this was his Xander and he was safe.

“When did you get here?”

“Quite recently.”

The smile dropped away.

“Spike.  What’s happened?  What’s gone wrong?”

“Nothing has gone wrong.  This was Spike’s choice.”

“He hasn’t been forced into retreat?”

“No, Xander.  He is not in retreat.  He is in control.”

“In control?”

“Assuredly.”

“He knows you’re here?  With me, like this?”

“Yes.  I am here at his bidding.”

“But…like this?  This is okay?”  William nodded.  “But you…  I dreamt…”  As the details of his dream became clearer, Xander’s tone became gentler.  “Did I…did I hurt you?”  Shake of the head, and unconcealed relief in response.  “Did I scare you?”

“You did not know…”

“Did I scare you?”

“A little,” William conceded with what he considered to be a well-placed white lie.

Xander rolled back, taking William with him and holding, caressing him lovingly.

“My poor William, my poor, sweet William, I’m so sorry.”

William drew breath to automatically defend Xander, but on this occasion let it go, snuggling into the comfort of this embrace.

“Tell me your dream so I may understand the urgency.”

“I can’t talk about it.”

“Why?”

“Because…because I’ll…get lost in it,” Xander falteringly attempted to explain.

“Perhaps you need to be lost in order to be found.”

“I’ll get sucked in, I might hurt you, I can’t control it.”

“Do you damage the William in your dream?”

“No!” Xander protested, “I don’t hurt him, I love him, but he’s tough, tougher than you.”

William pushed himself up on one elbow and fixed an intense look on Xander.

“I too can be tough,” William insisted resolutely, and Xander gave a light laugh at the statement.  “Xander?”

“You’re about as tough as a kitten.”

“Kittens are exceedingly resilient.”

Xander ran his hand through William’s hair and onto his neck, stroking the silky skin with a thumb.  His expression softened further.

“My William.  You’re so beautiful.”

“Let me be your William.  Let me help to mend what ails you.”

“You can’t be…”

“I can.  Whatever you may need.  Whatever it takes.”

William reached up and closed Xander’s eyes, rested his hand over them to keep them shut.

“Think of your William and I will be him.  I am him, Xander.  William, and I am yours.”

“I was scared,” Xander confessed as his thoughts drifted to the scenario that had been haunting him.  “Tides.”

“I took care.  I remembered your concerns and showed great caution, keeping perfectly safe for the entire journey.  The proof is in my presence, surely?”

“I never thought I’d be with you again.”

“Nothing could prevent my being with you.”

“I love you.”  Xander’s voice broke.  “I didn’t tell you.”

“The words were not necessary.  I always knew.”

An indescribable tremor travelled through Xander and into William, and all he knew was the missing and longing Xander had been experiencing, the sense of being incomplete.  His hand slid from eyes to cheek and he turned Xander’s face to him, and as he studied it he knew this was not purely his Xander but also the other that haunted him.  Dark eyes opened, for a moment the eyes of a stranger, but they held such adoration that William couldn’t have denied him even if he’d wanted to.  Which he didn’t.

He kissed Xander’s mouth, giving the human permission for whatever ensued, and fell back in complete submission as Xander turned them again, hands roaming and caressing in a way that now suggested familiarity.  William gave himself up to the attention, arms, legs, even fingers spread wide as he offered himself in willing sacrifice to this unfamiliar Xander whose devotions felt uncannily familiar as he worshipped William’s body.

“Need…” came a hoarse whisper from Xander as his lips momentarily detached from William’s erection, and the finger dryly probing William’s buttocks indicated what the need was for.

Automatically, William reached beneath the pillow for a tube of lubricant, trembling as he squeezed some into a waiting hand.  Once again their eyes met, and this time William witnessed a spark of blue light in the depths of Xander’s.  It stirred something deep within William, and he was inhaling the rough scent of a log fire, candle-light flickered at the periphery of his vision, he could distantly hear the crashing of waves on a rocky shore.  Something stirred deep inside him and he was lost to it; understanding Xander’s longing passed rapidly into a reciprocation of the desire.

“Have me,” he implored breathlessly, and he barely recognised his own voice.  “Xander,” spoken like a command.

This other Xander quickly repositioned himself, unsurprised to feel his William gripping his hips and urging him on.  Xander pressed himself home, grunting with satisfaction at the sound of William’s appreciative moans.  Two strokes and they were overcome by dizziness, Xander collapsing onto William as the room spun around them and the scent of sunshine and sea, earth and crushed greenery filled their senses.  Consciousness escaped them.

It wasn’t long before they woke, groggy and both slightly nauseated.  But here and now, Xander and William, unaffected and uninfluenced.  Xander lay in contented silence, letting his head clear for the first time in however long, thinking this was Spike, that everything was as it should be.  Safe in Spike’s arms.

“Xander?”

A name on a breath and Xander knew by the tone that it was William; the last hour came rushing back to him, and he grimaced with shock and pain at what he was doing, the position he was in.

“William, I’m sorry,” he choked out, lifting himself with care and withdrawing from the vampire’s body.

“No,” William pleaded, holding onto Xander so he couldn’t pull further away.  “Spike…accepted this.  He wanted this.  He did not understand the strangeness that would occur, but he wanted…this.  Us.  He promised me that you would…”  William swallowed down the barely-contained emotion.  “I need this.  I need you, Xander.”  The first tear escaped and trickled toward the pillow.  “I am so…”

“It’s okay, I’m not going anywhere,” Xander whispered as he brushed the tears away.

“Claim me as you claimed Spike.  Let me belong.  I am so lost and have no greater wish than to belong.”

Xander rested against William, shushing and comforting as his mind raced.  Apparently Spike knew that this would happen when he gave over his body to William and put them in this intimate situation.  Xander was already losing a grip on how they had got to this point, but if it was what Spike had planned…  William needed to be claimed?  Made a part of them?  Xander was terrified of getting this wrong, of screwing up everything he had with Spike, but would it be equally as bad to deny William if…

“You really think Spike wanted this?”

“It was his choice.”

“Why do you think that?”

William took a few deep breaths and forced himself to think rather than feel.

“His first consideration was your…condition.”  Xander nodded for William to continue.  “He also spoke of his episodes.  When the trauma emerges.”

“The PTSD?”

“Yes.  He suspects the reason I influence the reaction…”  The tears were back and Xander resumed the comforting as he thought.

“Because…the reaction is yours?  You’re the one with the PTSD?”

“The level of control is linked to the level of my consciousness, and…and…he spoke of the dangers of withdrawal.  When I attempt to retreat it fully exposes the demon to…to…  Damnation!  I cannot remember his argument, I did not understand his reasoning.”

“And I don’t get it, not fully.  But if Spike thought this would help…”  The gentle crying broke into raw sobbing and Xander tightened his hold.  “It’s okay, it’ll be okay.”

It was all Xander could do not to cry too, closing his eyes and seeing William as he first was, skeletal, wounded, terrified, and knowing there had been nothing he could do to rescue either Spike or William from what haunted them.  If this was what it took to bring William, and therefore Spike, a little peace he would carry on, and he knew with absolute certainty, he knew in his heart, it was not an excuse to have William without incurring Spike’s anger.  The urgent longing for William that had grown to unbearable levels had, incredibly and to Xander’s relief, dissipated with the strangeness, and this act would not be about lust, it would be about what was right for them, best for William and for Spike.  Claiming.

As William recovered, Xander caught up the edge of a sheet and wiped his face.

“You said it was Spike’s choice.”  Nod.  “It has to be your choice, Will.  Do you want this to stop?”

“You too have a choice.  If you do not want this, do not want…me…”

“Do you want this to stop?”

William paused, caught his breath.

“No,” in the tiniest voice imaginable.

Xander kissed him, very gently.

“Then I tell you what’s going to happen.  I’m going to claim you for me.  The way I claimed Spike.”  And I hope to God this is what he wanted me to do.  “Not with the blood, not violently,” he assured before William could get the wrong idea; the notion of hurting this gentle creature appalled him, even as a wisp of thought that he rapidly shoved aside.  “But with love,” Xander persisted.  “I’ll claim you with love, and you’ll belong, you’ll feel safe at last, and it will make the past go away.”

“It will?” William asked, all big-eyed wonder.  “Because this act has always been about violence.  With – with…Angelus.  With those—”

William’s hands came up to cover his face in dismay and despair at the memories.  Xander knew it was the first absolutely honest reaction to past events that he’d ever seen from William.

“Hey, it’s okay.  Will.  Just you and me.  No-one else can touch you now.  No-one can hurt you.  I’ll protect you.  Spike will protect you.”  William didn’t move or acknowledge his words.  Oh, yeah, this is where the PTSD is coming from.  So damned obvious, why didn’t I see, why didn’t I fucking see?  I know all about hiding the truth so why didn’t I recognise it in him?  Hundred plus years of trauma.  How do I put it right?  “Will.  Look at me.”

The hands slowly came away.

“You have my absolute trust,” William told him shakily.

“I want to help you.”

“Naturally.  For Spike.”

“For you.  For you, Will.  I love you.”  Amazement filled the wide eyes.  “I’ve told you that before.”

“I assumed you meant Spike.”

“I said it to you, I meant you.”

“This is…beyond…”  His voice broke and a new flurry of tears refused to be blinked away.  “You cannot mean me, Xander,” he whispered hoarsely.  “You cannot mean me.”

“I love Spike.  I love you.  It would be impossible not to love you both.”  Spike, sweetheart, I hope you agree, I hope I’m not fucking us up.  Why did you do this to me, you bastard?  What if I fuck us up because of this? 

“I can belong?”

“You always have.  I’m sorry I couldn’t make you see that before.  You do belong, Will.  We both love you.”

“Xander…  Who do you see?  Can you truly see William?  Or can you only see Spike?”

Xander studied the expectant face and smiled.

“I see William.  My William.  My beautiful Will, I see you.”

“You do?”

“You’re the first man I ever touched.  The first man I ever tasted.  You know how special that makes you?”

“As special as you are to me, perhaps.”

“Nothing can change that: what we are to one another.  You’ve always belonged to me, and I wish I’d had the sense to tell you.”

“Thank you.”

“Will…  This must be so difficult for you, after…everything.  You really don’t have to do this.  We can find another way to help you.”

“But my demon was certain that this…  I…  Xander…”

“Tell me.  Tell me, Will.  What do you want?”

It took William a moment to find the courage for the answer.

“What I have always wanted.”

“What do you want?”

“You.”

Xander’s feeble erection sprang back to life at that admission, and as he kissed and caressed William, he was able to gently re-enter the slick opening to William’s body, encouraged by persuasive touches that belied the frightened eyes and juddering breaths, holding himself quite still and letting William grow used to him.

“I love you, Will.  This is me claiming you.  This is belonging.  You belong to me, to Spike, to us.  We belong.”

“Please, Xander.”

Xander took a good guess what the please was about and began to move, aware and regretting that he’d been unintentionally rough earlier in that moment of inexplicable madness, taking his time with unhurried, gentle strokes.

“Okay?”

William was incredibly tense, but breathed an unconvincing ‘yes’.  Minutes later he pulled Xander as close as possible and clung to him.

“The words.  Say the words.  As you do to Spike.”

“I claim you.  With my love and my body.  I claim you and you’re pure.”  The muscles in Xander’s chest clenched as he heard the stifled sob, leaving him feeling lost and inadequate, and wracking his mind for the best way to proceed.  What would he do with Spike?  What had he learnt from Spike?  Make it as horny as possible and get William refocused as fast as…  I’m here with this fabulous man, my dick is buried inside his ass, he must want this for more than the claiming because his dick looks ready to explode, and I’m wondering what to do?  What is the matter with me!

“Will,” he whispered, tone of voice changing from consolatory to downright sexy as he shifted so his lips met a cold ear.  “Are you listening to me?”  Nod.  He rolled his hips, cock nudging the hot spot.  Sharp gasp.  “Feeling me?”  Nod.  “Okay?”  Nod.  “I keep claiming Spike, now I’m going to do the same to you.  Every time I fuck him, every time I’m in him, I’m claiming him.  Taking him away from the bad and making us good.  Every time I come inside him, deep inside him, I’m making him mine.”  Xander smiled at the harsh breaths William took to try to retain some control.  “You like the idea of that?  Me fucking you?  Making love to you?  Coming deep inside you and washing you clean with it?  Claiming you?”  Nod.  “Sure?”  Desperate nod.

“Xander, I—”  William lost the power of speech as Xander’s cock prodded in just the right place.

“Hmm?” Xander teased.  “What was that?”

“I wanted—”  William attempted, with the same response and result.  Then he did something quite wonderful for Xander.  He laughed.

Xander leant up on his elbows, grinning at the breathless, smiling man beneath him.

“Come on, mate, out with it,” he aped Spike, and William laughed again.  Xander’s voice softened.  “You are so special.  I’m going to make you feel it.  Special and loved.”  He kissed William, relishing the creak of pleasure that he inspired.

“Let me tell you, Xander.”  Xander backed up, couldn’t resist one more quick kiss, then backed up again.  “I need to…  This is so difficult.”

“You can tell me anything, you know that.”  Nod.  “Can I just…”  Another kiss.  “…while I’m waiting?”

“Oh, yes.”

“And can I…”

The tightness around his cock proved irresistible: Xander had to move, explore it, fill it, keep on filling it.  William’s hands fluttered over his skin, never settling, bringing back memories of a first time, and although Xander had tried to regret it and had castigated himself for it countless times he had loved it.  The first taste of Spike.  Spike.  Yes, that was Spike and this was Spike, and this was okay; he understood why Spike, his wonderfully clever Spike, had accepted and trusted and…  Xander realised with a jolt that he’d been getting carried away with his thoughts and memories, fucking harder, and he stopped instantly.  William was silent and Xander was afraid to look at his face.  So he nuzzled his collar-bone instead.

“You okay?” he enquired tentatively.

“Xander…”

The voice was so warm and full of wonder Xander had to look.

“Will?”

“Xander…  There is no pain.”

“You really think I would hurt you?” Xander asked, dismayed at the idea.

“I know of Spike’s experiences, and I know he feels no pain with you, but I thought perhaps there were differences to us.  Because, for me, always…”

“Don’t think about it, don’t think of that,” Xander urged amidst a shower of kisses.  “Think of us, now.  I’m making it all better.  I promise.”

Hands wriggled between them to cup Xander’s face.

“I will tell you.  I am quite determined.”

“If you need to.  Tell me,” Xander encouraged, trying to be relaxed and ready for what William needed to say but knowing, knowing, because there was always something horrible just around the corner, knowing he wouldn’t like it.

“I…”  At a loss, William sighed.  “I am quite hopeless.  I shall always be extraordinarily grateful to Drusilla for saving me from myself.”

Xander chuckled.

“Okay, say it fast, before you have another chance to think about it.  I’ll count to three and you say it without thinking.  Right?  One, two…”

“I love you, Xander,” William told him, obediently.  Sincerely.  Then, yes, the thought crept back in and so did yet more tears.  But these were tears of happiness rather than misery.  “I love you,” he continued, voice shaking.  “You are my only true love.  You are my friend.  My teacher.  My guardian.  You are my saviour.”  He pulled Xander down into a hug.  “Thank you.”

How long passed?  Neither knew.  There was silence and stillness and comfort and love.  Healing.  Spike and now William.  Healing.  Eventually William’s hands ran over Xander’s back, tantalisingly light and making Xander want more of the same.

“Please,” William murmured.  “Make me clean.”  With great care Xander began to move inside William, but it was only a few minutes before William was stopping him again.  “I have no restraint,” William admitted bashfully.

“Well, I have some but, lemme tell ya, it’s not all it’s cracked up to be.”

Xander grinned at William’s soft laughter and knew this was right.

Soft kisses and they calmed.

“I am wrong to be greedy for more.”

“No.  I understand.  And Spike…  Well, he’s the guy who will always understand about wanting more.”

“Again,” William urged and Xander’s hips fell into a smooth movement.

Xander watched as William’s head tilted back, exposing his throat, and force of habit brought Xander to lick and gnaw the firm flesh as William groaned beneath him.  Once again the vampire’s hands fluttered over his back and arms.

“Am I…  Should I…” William gasped, trying to get the words out.  “I am not…entirely sure of…how…to reciprocate.”

“How about you just do what feels right, and if it feels right to do nothing but lie back and enjoy it, you do that.”

“That…  I…  Yes.”

“Always so eloquent.”

William laughed again, breathily, sexily, and Xander had to fuck him, watching for signs of distress and gratefully finding none.

“I am…remiss,” William slowed him to say.  “Of all the things you are to me. You are also…my master.”  Xander dragged a breath through his teeth, stopped moving veryquicklyindeed.  “Why have you stopped?” William asked in faux innocence.  “You once confided in me that you wanted to fuck me and hear me call you that.  Master.”

“Y’know that wicked streak of Spike’s?  I used to think it came from the demon.”

“I believe he honed it.”

The smile slipped away from Xander’s features as he thought of Spike, who he was betraying in the worst way if he’d misinterpreted the vampire’s intentions.

“Is he here?  Spike?” Xander asked quietly.

“No.  He is fully in retreat.  We are alone.”

“Think that means he’s mad?”

“I think it means…”  William reached within himself, sought the faint essence of Spike that remained accessible.  “He is content.”

“Sure?”

“Yes.  I would not hurt him.  We would not.”

They stared at one another, each examining the other’s features minutely, memorising this, savouring a moment that was entirely theirs.  Their mouths met in a deceptively simple kiss.  Xander smiled into it as William shifted beneath him, tentatively pushing himself onto the cock that speared his body, telling Xander that this was good and acceptable, reassuring him that there was no discomfort.

“What do you want?  Gonna tell me?” Xander teased, hoping to encourage a few coarse words in that lust-inducing voice.

He could tell instantly from the glint in William’s eyes that he understood, and Xander felt an extra rush of desire when he gave a mischievous smile that was typically Spike

“You still wish for words?  When you are already embedded within my body?”

That spoken reminder and what they wanted to do, spoken or unspoken, overcame them both; Xander took his time sliding out, sliding in, savouring every slick, tight fraction of contact, as William’s breathing altered from deep to panting.

“Gonna come for me, Will?  ‘Cause I want to watch.  ‘Bout time I cracked through that reserve and made you scream for me.”

William’s eyes widened in alarm and yet more lust.

“Don’t.”

“Don’t?  Don’t what?  Be honest?  About how much I want to watch when I make you come.  That’s such a turn-on for me, making someone I love come, not giving them any choice but to feel that pleasure.  I make you come and I won’t be able to hold myself back.”

“I…see that.”

“And it’ll be you coming for me.  My William, my shy, genteel William.  Fuck, how horny is that?”

“Don’t.”

Xander grinned and kissed William as he began to pick up the speed of his thrusts.  William wriggled beneath him, wanting less to help preserve his dignity, more to allow him his release; he tore his mouth away and whooped in oxygen.

“Xander…”

“Yeah, baby?”

“The words.”

That told Xander how close William was and it made his entire body react, tightening in readiness for his own orgasm; he eased up.

“I claim you.  I claim you, Will.  With my love and devotion.  You belong to me and to Spike.  I’m – we’re - claiming you.”

“Yes,” William hissed, fingers digging into Xander’s flesh as he brought him close, pulled him into his body with Spike’s strength.  “Yes.”  Hooded eyes fixed on Xander before he gave the human what he wanted.  “Fuck me, Xander.  Fuck me and make me yours.”

The inarticulate Xander-sex noise emerged as the words hit home, and Xander fell into a punishing rhythm, feeling William arching into the onslaught, whispering demands to be fucked that drove into Xander’s mind much as he drove into William’s body, as sexually potent as any physical act.

“Claiming you,” Xander forced through clenched teeth, seconds from release.

“I love you, Xander,” he heard as William’s body spasmed around his cock.

“Claiming you.”

William gave a sharp cry, torn between the pleasure and the brutal sensation of Spike slamming his way into his alter ego’s consciousness with the demon’s indelicacy.

“Claiming you,” again, as Xander felt William’s semen splatter over his stomach and fucked his own into that beautiful, undulating body.

It was a fierce mutual orgasm, wracking their bodies and wiping their minds, and as it finally subsided Xander collapsed onto William and they plummeted into oblivion for a second time that night.  Out cold.

Suspiciously synchronised.

Repossession 86       Repossession Index       Repossession Notes

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