Darkness.

Spike wondered if he’d ever get used to the dark again.

Even now, preoccupied with the trio of nasties that Willow had called to ask him to deal with, he was in the middle of a fight and still more frightened of the surrounding darkness than he was of the demons that were possibly getting the upper hand.

The wily bugger he was trying to keep a hold on was distracted by a ferocious snarl and Spike took the opportunity to rip its head off.  He looked around to see Hamish clamping his jaws around the throat of the demon he’d brought to the ground, shaking it like a toy and shattering its spine.

“Nice,” Spike grinned, and then he was in pursuit of the last of their three victims.

He chased it into the woods, cursing the combination of blackness and all those low, deadly branches, comfortably aware of Hamish now loping along at his side, both heads up as they followed the scent of their prey.

Picking up speed, it was only seconds before a mutual growl was rapidly followed by a flying tackle and a flurry of bristling fur.  The creature screamed in agonised fury for the few seconds it took to liberate head from body, and then Spike and Hamish were sitting on the corpse and sharing a look of satisfaction at a job well done.

Spike reached out and ruffled the dog’s fur, scratching his ears and smiling at the grunts of pleasure when he added a little more pressure.

“Good, lad,” he murmured, grateful for the reassuring presence.  “Couldn’t be out here without you.  Fucking dark.”

Their heads snapped around at the approaching rustle.

“Master?”

“Oh…  Sod off, Bradley.”

“Master Spike?”

The young vampire came into sight and stood awkwardly in this exalted presence.

“Go.  Away,” Spike spelt out.

“I thought you’d…you’d – like company.”

“I have company.”

“Of your own kind.”

“I’ll come along and visit when I want to, not when you feel the need to round me up.”

“We need you, Master.”

“Know what you really need?” Spike asked as he stood.  “You need to get a bleedin’ unlife.  Stop hanging around me.  Find something to do with yourself.  Terrorise a few humans, wreck a few bars, find a horny demon to give it to.  Show a little resourcefulness, use your imagination.”

“But, Master…”

Bradley took a step forward and Hamish growled.  Spike wound his fingers into the thick fur of the dog’s neck.

“I have my family, I don’t need yours.  Now, go home, choose yourself a new Master from within your ranks, and keep out of my way.”

“There is no rightful successor to Gorgon.”

“Use your imagination.  Preferably before you drive us insane.”

“Please, Master…Master…I could be a true Consort to you.”

“You must be fucking joking!”

“He’s human,” Bradley spat out in revulsion.

“Tell you what…” Spike told him through clenched teeth, “Make yourself the new Master, find yourself your own Consort, and tell yourself, ten times a day, that the next time you see Spike you’ll be dust.  It’s only that human and his soppy ideas keeping you alive now.”

“Master,” came the familiar plea, “Master, I would do anything for you.  Anything.”  Bradley dropped to his knees, erection becoming obvious as his gaze trailed longingly down Spike’s body.  “Master.”  He presented his neck.

Spike shook his head at the offer, disgust on his face.  He turned and began to walk away.

“C’mon, Hame.  Let’s go home.”

The dog bared its teeth warningly at the young vampire before trotting after Spike.

Bradley watched them go, miserable and agitated.  His vampire visage emerged and he cursed himself for ever hiding it, just because Master Spike was enamoured of that smooth faced creature he lived with.

Master…

Hands fumbling at his zipper, he freed himself, using some imagination now.  Using some imagination as his master had suggested, thoughts of Spike fucking him until he bled, tearing at his throat.  His hand frantically pulled at his cock as he used his imagination.  Spike.  Master…

It wasn’t enough.  He wanted more.  He wanted…real.

Bradley screamed his frustration into the dark.

…

Spike had plans for tonight.  This morning, he mentally corrected as he acknowledged the first hint of dawn on the horizon in the rear-view mirror before the garage door closed.  His poor darling had been too exhausted for anything much this week, including noticing that Spike was being slightly too patient and undemanding; when Spike had put Xander to bed immediately after dinner he’d been too grateful to care about suspicious behaviour and motives, falling asleep before Spike was out of the door.

So, a short stint of celibacy to set the scene, Xander now rested from about nine hours sleep, and Spike was thinking…fantasy.  Xander’s fantasy that he’d shared about them in Sunnydale.  Okay, Spike couldn’t turn back time but he could play the part, and he knew that Xander would go along with anything.  Anything, and Spike was adjusting his growing erection and considering having a quick wank to get himself under control so the fantasy wouldn’t be rushed.  But no, because it wouldn’t have been like that back then.

Spike climbed from the Jag and pulled his seat forward for Hamish to follow, stroking the dog who gazed lovingly up at the man who supplied breakfast.  Through to the kitchen and Spike sorted that out, piling Hamish’s bowl with meat and biscuits and watching it devoured as he helped himself to a few bags of blood.

Back to his planning, Spike once again went over everything he remembered from that particular conversation with Xander.  Fantasy Xander had wanted to be taken, and that was tricky.  Maybe persuaded was a better description, because he’d never have forced Xander, or let Xander feel for a moment he was being forced, and Xander would have known that, even back then.  So…persuaded.

He had to set the scene fairly quickly, because Xander would be all over him the moment he woke: a week without sex and Xander wasn’t going to hang back when they had a clear weekend ahead of them.  Just for a moment, Xander all over him, the effortless fuck, appealed greatly, but he shook that off.  This would be good for both of them; despite the fuss he made when it happened, Spike liked being teased, whichever of them instigated it.

Spike felt it was a pity that he couldn’t make an entrance.  He knew from Xander’s more recently created fantasies that he had this quirk about seeing Spike for the first time; the vampire would walk into a venue, Xander would see him and wham!  Lust at first sight.  One day he’d pick the real life scenario apart, try to figure out when Xander saw him for the first time and if there was just a hint of arousal in the air.

Blood finished, he rinsed the mug and left it on the drainer, and made his way to the stairs.  Hamish followed but Spike stopped him, scrubbing fingertips into the scruffy hair on the crown of his head.

“Not today, you stay down here.  No mutts in Sunnydale and I don’t want you screwing with the mood when I’m screwing with the human.  Right?”  Hamish yawned and wagged and let Spike manoeuvre him in the direction of the living room, collapsing onto the sofa and wheezing contentedly as he stretched and relaxed.  Another pat and Spike headed for Xander.

He stood in the bedroom doorway gazing at his lover, trying to think himself back into Sunnydale, and what a bloody awful prospect that would be in anything but a sexual fantasy.  If this was shortly before Xander left…  With a shudder, Spike concentrated on the having of Xander rather than the losing of Xander.  Sunnydale, night out, home, crawl into bed to steal some warmth from his boy, as he still thought of him then.  His boy.  He smiled.  His boy, his man.  His…entirely.

Stripped and into bed, Spike moved to Xander’s side, knowing Xander was already starting to wake.  Sleep-hot hands reached for him and he brushed them aside.

“Xander?  Xander, I need you to wake up and listen to me.”

“Spike?  Okay?” Xander murmured dozily, already trying to figure out what could be wrong.

“Take a couple of minutes to get your brain going.”

Xander took the suggested couple of minutes before eyes blearily opened and sought Spike in the half-light.

“Something wrong?”

“No,” Spike smiled, and Xander automatically smiled back.  “I want you to listen to me,” serious now, and again Xander’s face mirrored Spike’s.

“Okay.”

“Awake?”

“Pretty much.”

“Right.  Now, don’t interrupt.”  Xander smiled again and reached for Spike, only to be rebuffed a second time.  “Listen first.”

Xander woke up.

“Listening.”

“Right…  I know I’ve been difficult, I haven’t really paid attention when you’ve tried to talk to me, but I do understand.  You’re going to leave, and that’s final.”

“Spike…” Xander began in alarm, only to be silenced by a shh from the vampire.

“You want this new job, and you deserve a fresh start after Sunnyhell, and I know I can’t go with you.  I do understand.”

“Wha…?  Sunny…”  Spike practically saw an animation light bulb ping on over Xander’s head and he gave him a few seconds thinking time to catch up.  “So…  You understand?”

“I do.  But there’s something I have to tell you before you go.”

“Maybe we shouldn’t talk about it, Spike.  You get angry, I get upset…”

“I said I understand.  Don’t like it, but…”

“You don’t?  How much?”

“A vast much,” Spike whispered, and it felt real, it felt then and real and he loved this unattainable man so much.

“I’m sorry, Spike.”

“Not going to say it isn’t about me then?”  Xander remained silent and Spike remembered the heartbreak even more clearly.  This was a stupid idea.  Some fantasy.  Fantasy.  Fantasy.  “I’m sorry too, love.  Can’t stop you but I thought I should give you something to remember me by.”

A sharp intake of breath from Xander and Spike smelt his arousal.

“What kind of something?”

“Don’t be scared, I’m not going to hurt you.”

“I’m not…I’m not scared.”

“Good.  Because I’d never hurt you, Xander.”  Xander nodded, looking young and vulnerable and as into this as Spike was.  “Wasn’t pain I was thinking of,” he told Xander with the smirk that usually made Xander want to beat him to another death.

“Not…pain.”

“That’s right.”  Spike edged a little closer, inching down the covers and playing with the small patch of curly hair on Xander’s chest.  “I think you know how I feel about you, Xander.”

“I…  No.”

Spike chuckled.

“Yes.  You know perfectly well.  And you’ve been very wicked.  Teasing me…”

“No, I haven’t done that, never, or not deliberately.”

“I like to be teased,” Spike confessed, feeling Xander’s heart pounding as he spread his hand over the left of Xander’s chest, one finger tickling the nipple.  “And you’re so good at it, intentionally or not.”

Xander had to remind himself that he wouldn’t have let Spike get away with this quite so easily years ago.  He grabbed his wrist and held the hand away.

“Hey, umm…  Maybe you should sleep in your own bed today.”

“See?  Tease.”

“No.  Really.  You should…”

“Make me,” came the soft growl, and Xander’s equally soft groan was asking for trouble.  “You’ve always been so careful around me,” Spike continued in the same low drawl, “so coy.  Driving me crazy.  I’ve been desperate to see you naked.”

“I’ve never…”

“Spied once, through the crack in the door, when you were getting ready to take a shower.  I saw your arse, and that was almost enough to make me come on the spot, but I kept willing you to turn around, wanted to see your prick.”

“You were…  And you saw…  And you wanted…”

“But even that wouldn’t have been enough.  I want to see you display that prick for me, offer it to me, want to see you get hard for me.  Want to hear your heart race as you wait for me to touch you, need me to touch you.”

“I can’t, Spike, I…”

“Want me to see you now?”  The covers were persuaded down to Xander’s stomach.  “Can I see you?”

“No!” Xander protested as he clutched at the covers and drew them back up to his chest.  Spike rested his hand over Xander’s, and stroked affectionately.

“Is it because you think I’m using you?”

“I’m just afraid of…” Xander blurted out before lowering his voice.  “I’m just…afraid.”

“Yeah,” Spike nodded, “yeah, I get that.  But…”  He turned sincere eyes to meet Xander’s.  “There’s no need.  See, what I wanted to tell you…”

It was real.  Absolutely real, the moment their eyes met.

“Spike?” Xander whispered unsurely, a twenty-three year-old Xander who’d found himself suddenly confronted by his greatest dreams and fears, tied up in one vampiric bundle.

The temperature had changed; Spike glanced around at the brightly coloured walls of Xander’s Sunnydale apartment bedroom, feeling hazy and unfocused, entirely out of sorts.  As if something, somehow, had…shifted.  But…  A hand touched his face.  Xander.  Watching him with apprehension and awe and certainly more than friendship.

It was real.

“See, what I wanted to tell you…”

“Don’t Spike, please.”

“I love you.  And if you have to leave me, I want this.  I want now.”

“Spike…”

“You.  I want you.  More than I’ve ever wanted anyone else.  I love you, Xander.”

“Don’t make this any more difficult than it already is.”

“Making it easier, love.”

“How is this…?”

“I’ve seen how you look at me, how much you desire me.  I’ve scented you a thousand times, pouring out your lust for me.  It’s got to be better: having rather than wanting.  Beautiful memories rather than regrets of what could have been.”  Xander stared at him, needy and frightened.  “I love you, Xander.  I love you.”  Spike moved over Xander’s body, knocking aside the covers as he went, strong arms suspending him inches from Xander’s flesh.  “Can you be as honest?  Give me my beautiful memory?”

“I…  No.  No, Spike, I – we – can’t do this, I can’t give you what you want.”

“Shall I just…take then?” Spike purred, smiling wickedly as Xander’s eyes became black with denied lust.

“That would…  If I say no?  Then…?”

Xander gasped back the last words as Spike lowered himself, settling on Xander from chest to thighs, rigid cock meeting its equally hard counterpart.  Spike groaned at the contact and moved his hips a little, instigating another gasp from the supposedly trapped human.

“Can’t help myself, love.  Want you too much.”  Xander drew breath to argue but lost the will as he gazed into Spike’s eyes, seeing the strength of the vampire’s love shining through.  “Tell me you want me.”

“This is wrong, we can’t do this.”

Xander gave a token struggle that simply served to further arouse them both.

“Oh, love,” Spike groaned, “I have to have you, you’re all I want.”

“You can’t stop me leaving.”

“I know.  And this is what I want to remember you by.”

Spike’s voice had fallen away to a sad whisper; Xander recognised the feeling from the tone, knew what they were about to lose, and what if they never had another chance to be together?  He would leave and Spike…  He didn’t know about Spike coping and that hurt.  Everything hurt right now.  He wanted comfort…and he wanted Spike.  There wasn’t another deceitful denial in him.

A first tentative touch from Xander, trembling hands lightly resting on Spike’s back, and the dark head rose a fraction from the pillow, permission enough.  Spike kissed Xander, quite tenderly, feeling a hesitant response and waiting patiently until it became more, more deliberate, more wanting, until he knew with absolute certainty that he wasn’t about to be rejected.

“Tell me, love.”

“Tell you?” Xander asked breathily.

“That you want me.  That you—  That you care.  I don’t expect love, but…”

“I do,” Xander told him emphatically.  “Want you, care, I…”  Xander swallowed hard, took a deep breath.  “I…love…you.  Spike.  I love you, Spike.”

Spike hugged Xander tightly, and now it was him trembling as long-suppressed emotions fought for release.

“Don’t leave me.”

“I have to.”

“I’ll come with you, I don’t care where we go, I’ll…”

“No.  No, Spike, please, you have to trust me on this, you have to let go.”

With tearful acceptance, Spike gave a brief nod and returned to kissing Xander, desperately now as he ground their bodies together.  His attention refocused on his lust for this man, and the physical love he could share.

“Let me be inside you.”

“Yes,” Xander agreed without hesitation, “want you.  Have for so long.”  Xander was suddenly grasping at air as Spike slipped away down his body, kissing a flawless stomach before caressing his cock as he nudged open his legs.  “Spike…  I’ve never…”

“I know.”

“Will it hurt?”

“Maybe a bit.  I’ll be careful.”

“The chip.”

Spike thought, staring at his hand resting possessively on Xander’s erection.  He gave a light laugh.

“What’s funny?”

“You.  One minute so shy and the next.”  He squeezed and Xander gasped.  “You’re as good as I imagined.  Lovely body, pet.  Lovely prick.  So hard for me.”  He casually rubbed his thumb over the slippery glans.  “Wet for me.”

“Oh, fuck.”

Spike chuckled again as Xander’s arms folded over his increasingly flushed face.

“Another time, another place…  We’d be good together.  I’d try so hard to make you happy.”

Xander raised his arms and peered out.

“Maybe we’ll have that.”

“You think?  You won’t forget me?”

Xander dropped his arms, shook his head, flicked his hips and fucked Spike’s fist.

“Only guy that ever fu…made love to me?  Never.”

“Know what?” Spike grinned.  “Sod the chip: you’re worth a blinding headache.”

“How about that?  The Initiative gave us a whole new way to measure the depth of your affection.”

“Yeah, bless ‘em,” Spike muttered caustically.

“Moronic cunts,” was barely audible even to vampire ears, and Spike smiled at that sentiment from his Xander.  His Xander.  Time to prove it.

“Bothered about finesse?” Spike asked lightly.

“Xander Harris here,” Xander reminded him.

“Fucking great!”

Spike’s hands shifted to beneath Xander’s ass and lifted him off the bed, ignoring the surprised squawk as he buried his face between his cheeks, tongue instantly probing his body.

“Oh, oh, oh…” was as intelligent a commentary as Xander could muster; he caught his knees and pulled them back, opening himself up.

“That’s right,” Spike murmured against his skin.  “Offer yourself.”

And then Xander was groaning mindlessly as the vampire’s sharp tongue wormed deeper inside him, swirling and probing, touching places that a human tongue surely couldn’t reach, making his cock throb and pre-come pour and…

“Stop, Spike, stop, stop!”  Spike slipped his tongue out and lowered Xander to the bed, nuzzling and nipping his balls.  “God, no, Spike!  What part of stop didn’t you get?”  Xander reached down and pulled Spike over his body, realising it was a bad idea as their cocks mashed together and Spike began to suck on his neck.  “Stop.  Everything!”

Spike fell still for a moment before lifting his head and studying his highly aroused lover.  A few seconds of that and all Spike wanted was to be inside him, claiming him, making it impossible for Xander to sever their connection completely in his lifetime.

“Any slick?”

“I…uh…  What can we use?”  Instinctively, Spike reached beneath the pillow, pulling out a tube of lubricant.  “How did that get there?” Xander puzzled.  “Did you…?”

“Must be the lube fairy,” Spike sniggered, and Xander joined in before taking the tube and spreading gel over Spike’s offered fingers.

“It’s okay if this hurts a bit, I know it might, and it’s okay,” Xander said very seriously.

“Xander…  Are you talking to the chip?”

“Well…yeah.”

“How about you talk to me instead?” Spike purred.  Xander’s eyes widened at the tone and he nodded obediently.  “Say…  Put your fingers in me, Spike.”

“Put…put your fingers in me, Spike.”

“Anything for you, love.”

Xander whimpered as Spike’s fingers penetrated him, one by one, slowly and carefully opening him in preparation for their joining.

“Nice?” Spike asked in that same seductive purr.

“Yeah,” was all that Xander could find breath for.

“Say…  Lick my cock, Spike.”

“Oh, fuck, no, I’ll come.”

Spike made a noise of false sympathy and Xander grinned at that despite the distraction of Spike’s fingers delicately probing him.

“Say…”  Spike fell still, and a blinky Xander took a moment to focus on him, waiting expectantly.  Spike gave him a soft smile.  “Say you love me.”

“I do, Spike, I love you so much, I can’t…  I don’t want to go, I don’t want to leave you.”  Xander’s eyes filled with tears.  “I wish I didn’t have to go, I want to be with you.”  A tear spilled and Spike was there, licking it from Xander’s skin before it reached his ear, because he knew about Xander, he knew Xander, the Xander he was losing.

“Say…” Spike advised, throat raw, “say…  Fuck me, Spike.”

“Yes, please, fuck me, Spike, fuck me, make me forget for a while, please.”

Xander was tight, so tight despite all of Spike’s preparations.  Spike took what felt like forever to ease his cock into the virgin heat.  Eventually he rested, heavy breaths matching Xander’s.

“Inside you.”

“Yes.”

“Hurt?”

“No.”  Xander lifted a hand and ran it over the back of Spike’s head.  “Hurt?”

“No.  You talked it round.”

“Good.”  Xander worked his fingers into Spike’s hair and brought him into a long kiss.  “Now…  Fuck me, Spike.”

“No.”

“No?”

“I’m going to make love to you.”

“Yes.  Do it.  Say it.”

Spike moved, tentatively at first as he whispered of his love, more surely as he felt Xander’s heart and body accept him.  Soon Xander was fucking him back, instinctively good and as enthusiastic as Spike had dreamed he would be.

“How does this make you feel?  Do you feel wicked, letting me inside you?”

“Yes,” Xander admitted in a gasp.

“Not going to change your mind though?  ‘Cause I can’t stop, won’t stop, want you too much.  You’re mine now, Xander, for always, and you’re going to prove it.”

“How?”

“By taking me deep, letting me fill you with my spunk, so deep it’ll be inside you for days, even when you’re gone from here I’ll still be inside you.”  Xander groaned and squirmed, hands grasping Spike’s ass and pulling the vampire tight to his body.  “You want me that badly too, don’t you, love?  Want to feel it?  Me filling you.  Marking you.”

Xander let out that indescribable noise, and Spike knew it was time.  He stretched out over Xander, covering the human’s torso with his own.

“Offer yourself.”

“I—”

A moment’s confusion before Xander figured it out, and he twisted his head to one side, willingly presenting Spike with his neck.

“Want this?”

“Yes, yes,” Xander insisted, clinging to Spike now, hands clenching, clenching.

“Mine,” Spike snarled as his true face emerged, and with infamous speed and accuracy he bit into the muscle where neck met shoulder, jaws clamping down and marking Xander for life.

His Consort let out a cry of pain and joy and triumph, coming with ferocious intensity as Spike drank sparingly and fucked the orgasms from both of them, pounding into Xander until he was exhausted and limp beneath the vampire.

“Love you,” Spike whispered as he slit his wrist and gave his blood to Xander, resisting the urge to start rutting again despite the acute stimulation that was Xander’s mouth on his skin, suckling, sharing their blood and making this a permanent union.  “Love you,” he repeated, licking the blood from Xander’s lips before exploring his mouth for more.  “Love you,” as he rested his brow against his lover’s, taking a last breath before becoming motionless and silent.

Temperature change; shift.

“Good morning to you, too,” came Xander’s voice an immeasurable time later.  Xander’s thirty-year-old voice, loving, contented, and full of humour.

Spike opened his eyes to the tranquil colours of home; his hand instantly slid between them, stroking Xander’s come-sticky belly, fingertips pausing where they met the scar.  Yes, home.

“Hello lovely.”

“That was…strange.”

“Meant to be your fantasy.”

“Yeah, but…  Yeah.”  Spike began to move and Xander tugged him back.  “Stay in me.”  Spike gave Xander a gentle smile and pulled away, sitting at the foot of the bed and studying Xander.  “What?”  Nothing.  “What, Spike?”  More nothing.  “Hey, c’mon, where’s my post-shag cuddle vamp?”

“What just happened?”

“You said, it was my…”

“What happened?”  At a loss, Xander just shrugged and turned onto his side, retrieving the covers and wiping his stomach clean with a corner before snuggling down.  “You can’t keep doing this, Xander, you can’t keep ignoring every abnormal thing that happens.”

“Wanna bet?  Sunnydale trained me pretty well.”

“So you admit it’s there but you’re ignoring it.”

“Trying to,” Xander muttered, burrowing into the pillows.

For the next ten minutes, Xander tried to be asleep and Spike tried to will him awake.  Spike finally made a decision: if Xander wouldn’t discuss the weirdness of now, he’d discuss the lies of the past.

“It’s time you told me the truth.”

“Sleeping now.”  Xander patted the bed and the covers rose and fell.  “Plenty of room for one skinny-assed guy to join me.”  With one sweep of the vampire’s hand the covers were gone and Xander was indignantly groping after them.  “Not funny, Spike.  I’ve had enough shit from other people all week, why the fuck do I have to put up with it from you now?”

“You tell me the truth or you’ll never have me in this bed again.”

Xander stared at the vampire in shock.

“What…?  What are you talking about, I haven’t been lying to you.”

“And that’s another lie.”  Spike could still hear the younger Xander’s words, the despair in his voice as he insisted he wanted to stay with Spike.  “Why did you leave me, Xander?  In Sunnydale?”

“You know why,” Xander told him stiffly.

“Tell me.”

“I’ve told you.”

“And I’ve never believed you.  It’s all too pat, too rehearsed.  It’s one thing you lying to me and Willow.  Lying to yourself is a damn sight worse.  You’ve been lying for years.”

Xander gave a non-committal shake of the head and Spike threw him the filthiest look before rising from the bed and starting to slow pace.

“Spike…  Let’s not do this, huh?  Come back to bed, you should be sleeping.”

“I won’t let you put this off.  If you have any respect for me at all you’ll tell me.”

“There’s nothing to…”

“Be honest,” Spike shouted, making Xander jump.  “It was utter fucking misery, you owe me the truth!”  A few seconds to compose himself and Spike lowered his voice.  “These moments happen for a reason, Xander, all the strangeness has a point.  I think this morning has been about you leaving me.  We can’t go forward until you tell me what was important enough for you to break my heart and crush my spirit.”

Another long pause as Xander took that in.  He drew a sheet over his lap, fiddling with it and running his nails over the smooth material.  The truth.  The truth was about more than one broken heart and crushed spirit.

The silence dragged on and on as Xander tried to find the courage to be honest.  Spike paced, kept pacing, and it wore on human nerves, made the courage harder to muster.

The truth.  After lying, trying to fool himself for so long.  The truth.

The silence dragged on and on.

The truth.

Oh, God, the truth.

“I had to go…” Xander began in a voice that shook.  “I had to go because of you.  I was obsessed with you…”

“Heard it all before, Xander.”

“…turning me,” Xander finished quietly.

Mid-pace, Spike spun back and stared at him.

“Did you just say what I thought you said?”

Xander nervously licked his lips.  Nodded.  Felt a little light-headed because a massive weight had lifted from him.

“The rest wasn’t all lies, I was lost in you, and I was so scared.  But…”  Spike crossed to him, strangely cautious, sitting on the edge of the bed and taking a hand.  When Spike’s fingers tightened over his, Xander squeezed his eyes shut, feeling a tear escape.  “Oh, God, Spike…”

“Tell me, love.”

“I left because I…”  He felt Spike gently wipe the moisture from his face and he shuddered at the contact, gripping the vampire’s other hand desperately.  “I had to go…” Xander confessed, “…because I wanted you to turn me.”  The admission tore at him and he fought against breaking down, but those few words opened the floodgates on years of suppressed emotion and the sobs ripped from him.  “Fucking hell.  Fucking hell,” he wept, “I didn’t want to say that, I didn’t want to know that.”

Spike gathered his lover into his arms and rocked and shushed, letting the worst of the rampaging emotions pass before speaking gently.

“I understand,” Spike assured Xander.  “I know what it’s like.  To be prepared to do anything, be anything, to be with someone you care for.  Xander, I understand.”

“I was such a nothing.  I hated my family, I’d lost my friends.  I wanted to be something, someone, to be special.  I wanted to belong.  I wanted to be yours.  Crazy about you and I wanted to be yours.  I always wanted to be yours.”

“Oh, love,” Spike murmured as he returned to the comfort rocking.  “My love, my Xander.  Consort now.  Consort.”

“I’m sorry, so sorry I hurt you, so sorry.”

“Shh, shh, shh.  All forgiven.”

“Is it?” Xander finally looked up to meet Spike’s eyes, hopeful but wary.  “Can it be?”

“I wanted the truth, you told me the truth.”

“That simple?” voice cracking as the tears threatened once more.

“That simple,” Spike promised, easing Xander onto his back.  “You’re mine, however long it took.  My Consort.”

“Yes,” Xander gasped as Spike’s body moved over his, the vampire’s mouth dragging over cock and belly, chest and neck until it found Xander’s lips, then Spike was kissing him roughly, pressing between his legs and spearing his slicked body with an erection like stone.

No delicacy now as Spike took his mate, affirming their bond with every possessive thrust.  Xander’s hips reared beneath the invading body, wanting all and more, and he demanded and kept demanding until he bled, and that still wasn’t enough.

“More,” the Consort pleaded.  “Master.”

Xander registered a demonic roar and felt razor-sharp fangs in his neck, and then there was nothing.

…

“Want to wake up, Xan?” a distinctly amused voice broke into his fugue.

Xander forced his eyes open, taking his time to focus on the smiling face at his side, falling in love all over again.

“You’re so gorgeous.”

“So I’m told.”

“Spike…  Did you…turn me?”

Spike chuckled.

“No.  Just fucked you into oblivion.”

“Oh.  Okay.”  Disappointment was rapidly followed by gratitude.  “Okay.  You can do that again.”

Another chuckle as Spike snuggled against Xander.

“You’re safe with me.  Know that.  I figured it out: why I wouldn’t turn you.  Not that you wouldn’t make a magnificent vampire, ‘cause you would.”

“Then why…”

“Because if I turned you, you’d love me for being your sire.  I need to know you love me because you love me.”

“I do.  Love you.”

“Love you too, Xan.  I love you, Xander.  Darling, darling Xander.  Consort.”  Spike manoeuvred Xander close and sleepily wrapped his arms around his human, laying kisses in the tousled hair.  “Mine.  Consort.”

“You marked me,” Xander remembered with a surge of relief, fingers seeking out the wound on his neck and moaning with satisfaction.

“I marked you.”

“I belong.”

“To me.  If we’re talking about the truth…you always belonged to me.”

Xander agreed with a nod and clung to Spike, fighting to keep his emotions in check as he was overwhelmed by the memories of all that had occurred in a few short hours.

At first Xander thought it was his imagination, but a practically inaudible rumble from the vampire eventually broke into a resounding purr; Xander curled into the comfort of the sound, secure in his lover’s grasp.  Belonging.  The fight was lost, and he succumbed to more tears as another fragment of their damaged past disintegrated.

Repossession 94       Repossession Index       Repossession Notes

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