SECRETS AND CONFESSIONS II
by Edibbea
Notes

Xander woke slowly. He was lying almost completely on top of Spike, his face nuzzled into the vampire's slender neck, with Spike's arms wrapped loosely around him. Xander was rapidly becoming used to this - this feeling of being safe, of being loved. Things he'd never been able to take for granted before. Being loved. Thoughts of their lovemaking drifted through his mind and he shivered. He'd never experienced anything like that...he'd been inside Spike's head, felt the passion, the desire for him that burned through the vampire. It had been awe-inspiring. He felt Spike's arms tighten slightly. Xander smiled and kissed Spike, who laughed softly when Xander's stomach rumbled loudly.

"Wow, I'm starving. What time is it?"

"Around midnight, love. You were exhausted, and needed to sleep."

And then it all flooded back, and Xander felt his stomach drop. "Oh God," he moaned as it hit him, as he remembered the horrible scene in Giles' apartment. Spike tightened his grip. "You are going to come and have something to eat, pet. Don't make me do the fuzzy Xander thing to calm you down." Xander grinned despite himself at Spike's use of the peculiarly Xander-ish phrase. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly, willing his stomach to settle down. "You're right. If I'm going to wallow, I might as well do it on a full stomach."

"That's the spirit," said a determinedly cheerful Spike as he released Xander, threw back the covers and turned up the lights. And that was when Xander noticed the angry-looking bite mark on Spike's throat. He reached out and touched it, surprised to feel pride and satisfaction at having done it as something inside him roared, 'Mine'. "Shit, Spike, I remember needing to do that. I'm sorry, I..." Spike cut him off. "Don't be sorry, pet. You've marked me as yours. And you will do it again, because the demon will demand it. Are you sorry that you did it?"

"Um, actually no. I just want to touch it, and I want it to always be there."

"It'll heal, Xan. But it will scar eventually if you keep opening it up."

"Oh, yeah," groaned Xander, pulling Spike towards him and nibbling on his claim mark. Spike pressed himself against Xander, and then pulled away. "Later, Xan. Shower and food now, sex later, OK?" Xander shook his head to try and clear the fog of lust that had risen within him since thinking about his claiming of Spike.

"Right, yeah. Let's do it."

*****

Spike pulled a couple of beers from the fridge and put a frozen pizza in the oven. Comfort food for his mate. Spike had set up a portable TV in the kitchen, and when Xander wandered in after his shower he switched it on, though if anyone had asked he wouldn't have been able to say what he watched while Spike dished up the pizza. After they'd eaten, Xander helped Spike to clear up, and then followed him into the living room. Spike dimmed the lights, put on some soft music, and then sat at one end of the couch, swinging his legs up so he lay propped up. Xander sat between his legs, his back propped against Spike. Having created a suitably calm and peaceful atmosphere, Spike wrapped his arms around his mate and said, "Tell me."

"I... I got to Giles' apartment early. I didn't know how to tell him, Spike. But between my babbling and him being good at puzzles we worked it out in the end. He... He wasn't happy about it, but he understood, y'know? And... and he said I was welcome there, that he'd never turn his back on me." Xander stopped for a moment, taking a deep breath. "He gave me a book. There's some stuff in there that I want to ask you about, OK?"

"Yeah, 'course. So what happened next?" said Spike, mentally shifting the Watcher from the 'kill as soon as the chip comes out' category to the 'protect for the boy's sake' category. He'd hated the way the Watcher had treated him when he went to him for help, but the grateful note in the boy's voice as he spoke about the older man couldn't be ignored.

Xander sighed, and Spike clearly felt the shudder that ran through the boy. "I was in the bathroom when Buffy and Willow turned up." Spike stroked Xander's hair and tried to soothe him as his breath began to hitch. Xander took a couple of deep breaths, letting them out slowly, trying to calm himself.

"I knew the second Buffy walked through the door, Spike. Everything in me was screaming 'danger' and trying to get me to run. Anyway, I ignored it and walked out of the bathroom. The next thing I know Buffy'd slammed me against the wall and there was a stake at my chest. Willow was screaming at her and trying to pull her off me..." Xander could feel the growl that started in Spike's chest. "It's OK, Spike. I'm here, I'm fine." Another deep breath, slow exhale. "So, Giles was all calm, y'know, the way he is, and he managed to get the stake away from Buffy and got her and Willow and me sitting down. And not long after that the yelling started." Xander closed his eyes, narrating the scene that replayed vividly in his head.

*****

"What do you mean he's not a vamp, Giles? He feels like a vamp to me, and I should know."

Giles handed Xander a cross and a bottle of holy water, which Xander poured onto his own hand. "I can send him out to sit in the sun, if you want?" he said at the end of the demonstration, exasperation clear in his voice.

"Well, what's happened to him then?" asked Willow.

"Um, sitting right here," said Xander. As three pairs of eyes swivelled towards him, Xander wondered whether he would ever learn to keep his mouth shut.

"Would you like to explain it to them, Xander?" asked Giles. Not really, thought Xander. OK, the beating around the bush thing with Giles really hadn't worked all that well, so he had practiced what he was going to say while he puttered in the kitchen, waiting for the girls to arrive. He took a deep breath and said, "I'm living with Spike. I love him, he loves me. We're mated. It's his demon you can feel in me, Buffy. I know you're not going to be very happy about this, but I hope you can understand and accept it. I don't want to lose your friendship. I love you guys, I still want to be your friend, and I still want to help you." A shocked silence greeted Xander's words, and he sat and waited for the axe to fall. He didn't have to wait long.

"You're what! That's it. That undead, bleached freak is so dusted," shouted Buffy as she jumped up and grabbed her bag. "You're not gay, Xander, and you hate Spike! He's done something to you. But don't worry, I'll dust him, end of problem." She headed to the front door, then turned. "Where is he, Xander?" Giles walked over to Buffy and said, "Buffy, sit down. You can't dust Spike. If you do, you'll kill Xander as well." This piece of information seemed to snap Willow out of her shocked silence.

"What?" Willow whispered. She was hugging the bookbag that was resting on her knees, and rocking forwards and backwards as she shook her head. "No. No, how can dusting Spike hurt Xander?" She looked across at him. "Xander, please? This isn't you. Like Buffy said, Spike's done something to you." Xander walked over to her chair and crouched down in front of her as Buffy stormed into the kitchen, having been ordered there by Giles. He could hear Giles trying to explain things to her as Buffy slammed the cupboard doors.

"Wills, I'm in love with him. I've wanted him for a long time. Just in some serious denial, that's all. This is what I want, Willow. Please try to understand." Willow's eyes seemed like huge pools in her pale face, and tears began to run down her cheeks as she shook her head. "No. I don't know you, Xander. I don't know you at all," she whispered. "How could you be in love with him? He's a vampire - you hate vampires. And he tried to kill us - he tried to bite me not long ago. And the gay thing, I mean, you've never... Cordy and... You kissed me..." her voice trailed off.

"I still don't understand, Giles. How can ridding the world of that pain in the ass hurt Xander?" said Buffy as she marched back into the living room with a can of soda. All eyes turned to Giles as he followed her out of the kitchen. He removed his glasses and began vigorously polishing them again. "Xander is mated to Spike. They have shared blood. Xander needs Spike's blood now. If anything were to happen to him, Xander would die. It is well documented in several Watcher's Journals..."

"I don't think they need the references, Giles," said Xander.

"Giles, how the hell can you be so calm about this? And there must be a way to fix it, so fix it, now! There's got to be something in all these books..."

"Buffy, there is no way to 'fix' this. And even if there were, I doubt that Xander wants it 'fixing'."

"Why, 'cos Spike's messed with his head or something? Jeez, Giles, there must be something we can do."

"Buffy, you're not listening! Xander has been here for an hour or so, and we've talked about this. A vampire cannot take a human consort without the human involved giving their consent. If Xander didn't want this, Spike couldn't force him, particularly given his chipped condition."

As the realisation finally sunk in, Buffy turned on Xander. "You wanted this? How the hell could want to... with Spike? He's an evil, bloodsucking... thing! And, hello, he's a guy! Since when have you been into guys, Xander?" Xander stood up and walked towards Buffy.

"Does the fact that I'm in love with a guy bother you, Buffy?"

"Yes... no... I don't know. Maybe it'd be ok if it wasn't Spike. He's a vampire!"

"One word, Buffy. Angel."

"That's different. Angel's got a soul! And you've got no right to bring up Angel after everything you said about him."

"Sometimes," shot back Xander. "Sometimes he has a soul, and we all remember how much fun Angelus was, don't we?"

"Don't you dare, Xander. That wasn't Angel's fault. And anyway, Spike doesn't love you, he can't. He's just using you to hurt us, that's all."

"What? Have you heard a word I said? He..." Willow jumped up, her bag falling to the floor as she put her hands over her ears and shouted, "Stop it. Stop it now." Tears were pouring down her cheeks. "Just stop it. I can't stand it." She bent over and scooped up her bag as she headed to the front door.

"Wills, please." Xander started walking towards her, but she put her hand out and he stopped in his tracks.

"No. I have to think. I can't talk to you now, Xander. I have to go now." She spun around and headed out the door.

"Wills!" Xander made to go after her, but Giles caught his arm and held him in place. "Just give her some time. You've given her a shock, Xander. Once she's sorted things out in her head, she'll want to talk to you."

"I'll go after her, make sure she gets home OK. And I will be back, I haven't finished with you," said Buffy, grabbing her bag and heading out the door after the retreating figure.

Giles sighed deeply. "I think it might be best if you head off home, Xander. I'll talk to Buffy. She'll calm down."

Xander sighed, rubbing his temples, trying to ease the tension headache making itself at home in his head. "Yeah, sure, Giles. I'm not living in the basement anymore. I'll leave you my new number. Can you give me a call..."

"Of course. I'm sorry, Xander, but this sort of reaction was to be expected, you know. And starting an argument about Angel didn't help. Just give them some time."

"Yeah. Thanks, Giles. Tell Buffy... tell her I'm sorry for what I said. And give Wills my love." Xander slipped on his jacket, making sure the book was still in the pocket, wrote his number on a slip of paper for Giles, and headed home.

*****

Spike hugged Xander tightly as he finally stopped speaking. "Willow's been your best friend forever, Xan. She'll come round, I'm sure. And as for the Slayer, well, bringing up the poof probably wasn't the cleverest thing you could have done. But the Watcher'll sort her out. I never thought I'd say this, but I've got to give the man credit. Like he says, love, just give them some time."

"You didn't see the way they looked at me, Spike. Willow was horrified, and Buffy just looked disgusted. I've lost my best friends, haven't I?"

"No, pet. I think you're underestimating how much they care about you. Just wait, you'll see," said Spike, sounding far more optimistic than he felt.

They lay there quietly for a while, and when Spike felt Xander had settled down a little, he decided to cheer his pet up a bit, and he had the perfect distraction. He picked up the remote from the arm of the couch and turned on the TV.

"I've got a video I think you'll enjoy, love," he said as he pressed play.

"Not really in the mood at the moment, Spike," said Xander.

"Oh, I think you'll enjoy this one," said Spike, as he turned the volume up and prodded Xander to look at the large screen. Still leaning with his back against Spike's chest, Xander turned to the side slightly to see what was on the TV. His mouth fell open and he gasped in shock. "Spike, how the hell..."

"Surveillance camera, love. Thought you'd like to see how beautiful you look," said Spike.

Xander couldn't believe what he was seeing. He watched himself being chained up by Spike and groaned as he remembered the feeling of the cuffs around his wrists. He felt Spike unzip him and slip his hand in, wrapping his hand around the half-hard cock. He watched himself moan and throw his head back as Spike tightened the nipple clamps. Then jumped as Spike pinched his nipple. "Interactive viewing, Spike?" he asked, in a hoarse voice. "Just watch, pet. Don't take your eyes off the screen," said Spike. So Xander watched himself getting royally fucked while Spike stroked him gently. Far too gently for Xander's taste, but Spike firmly resisted all efforts on Xander's part to get him to speed up or add enough pressure for Xander to come. As the tape hissed static, Spike hit the off button on the remote and tilted Xander's head to the side to claim his mouth in a bruising kiss. He slowly broke the kiss, but held Xander's head so their lips were still touching. "That's how I want you, pet. Naked and in chains, ready for me." "God, yeah," breathed Xander. "Come on then, pet, let's go play for a little while," said Spike. They got up from the couch and Spike led Xander to the dungeon.

*****

Xander stripped as soon as they stepped through the dungeon door, and headed to the bathroom at the back. Spike took off his shirt and socks, leaving just his jeans on. He headed to the bathroom after Xander, and waited until he'd finished cleaning himself. Xander reached for the lube but Spike stopped him. "Not this time, pet. Just put on the wrist cuffs." When Xander was ready, Spike took him by the hand and led him to the bed. Xander looked confused. "Don't you want me to kneel over there?" he asked. "Not now, pet. Just wanna play. I want our next session to be after next weekend." Xander looked puzzled for a second, and then the realisation struck. After the chip comes out. Oh, Ok...

"Kneel in the middle of the bed, pet," continued Spike, as he picked up a large, heavily padded round pillow - a bolster, Xander thought it was called. Spike placed the bolster on the bed in front of Xander and pushed him until he was kneeling forward, his chest resting on it. He then attached Xander's wrist cuffs to chains at opposite corners of the top of the bed. Spike smiled to himself as he heard Xander's heartbeat speed up as he was restrained. "Comfy, pet?" "Um, yeah," said Xander. He tugged at the chains a bit, but they were firmly attached. "Good. Now just relax and enjoy yourself," said Spike. He stripped off his jeans and climbed onto the bed behind Xander. Kneeling behind him, he draped himself over Xander's back, and began nibbling at his neck. He then raised himself a little and ghosted his fingers over the expanse of flesh, tracing the muscles, then leaning forward to trace them again with his tongue. Xander shivered as Spike slowly kissed his way down the boy's spine, swirling his tongue in the hollow at the base. Spike lifted Xander's hips and nudged at his knees. Xander shuffled them apart as far as he could get them, feeling vaguely ridiculous, kneeling there with his ass in the air, his cock and balls just dangling in the breeze...until the swirling tongue began to move from the base of his spine. Began to move down.

The cool tongue was... Oh, god, yeah. Spike was licking over his entrance; the rough tongue swiping at him felt...fuck! Unbelievably good. Down lower now, the cool tongue licking his balls and...oooh, sucking them into his mouth. Xander desperately wanted some attention lavished on his cock, but it was studiously ignored. His balls were sucked and licked until he thought he'd go crazy, then Spike released them and Xander felt him lick his way up again. Cool hands spread his ass cheeks and Xander felt lips against his entrance. Then the tongue again, but pointed, hard this time. The tip was pushed against his anus, teasingly, pressing against it in short, fast jabs. He tried to push back, but the chains held him firmly in place. Xander felt the little puffs of breath as Spike laughed at his futile attempts. "Jeez, Spike, please..." begged Xander. He felt a gentle nip at his ass cheek, then Spike said, "I'm playing, Xan. You're lying there and taking it."

Xander stilled his movements, and a few moments later was rewarded by the lips back at his entrance, and then the tongue again. But after a few jabs, the slippery muscle was pushing into him, just a little, and then slipping out again. Each time, Spike pushed a little further in. The sensations were incredible, the slippery tongue going deeper and deeper. Then Spike wiggled his tongue inside him, and Xander bucked and groaned. Spike began fucking Xander with his tongue, pulling out to lick around his entrance or stopping to wriggle it inside him so that Xander was soon moaning and begging continuously. His cock was dripping, and Xander was pleading for something, anything. He desperately wanted to come, but Spike refused to touch his cock or allow him to lean forward to thrust against the bolster. Then the tongue was removed, to be replaced by two wet fingers that reached around until...'fuck, Spike'! Xander hadn't even realised that he'd shouted aloud, he was so far gone.

Spike smiled. He was enjoying himself. His pet was almost out of his mind with the need to come. And he would, soon. Spike thoroughly wet three fingers and thrust them into Xander, crooking them until he hit the little nub that had Xander thrashing about so prettily. Spike then massaged the spot. Xander was now jerking and moaning continually, alternately begging and cursing the vampire. Spike removed his fingers, spread saliva and precum over his cock, then positioned himself and slammed into Xander. Spike knew he was pretty close himself - watching the surveillance video and then working his pet had pushed him pretty close to the edge, and it didn't take long before he was flooding his mate's heat with his cool come. Xander was gasping, now. "Please, Spike. Need to come, now, please..." Spike pulled out and flipped onto his back, his head between Xander's knees. He then shimmied up a little further, rested his head against the bolster and pulled Xander's hips towards him. He swiped his tongue over the head of the dripping cock, and the heartfelt groan of, "fuck, Spike," made him smile again. He angled his head and sucked the cock down his throat, swallowing around it as he thrust three fingers back into the loosened hole. Spike sucked hard, and Xander cried out hoarsely and emptied himself into the cool mouth. As Xander's spasms quieted, Spike licked him clean and released him gently, shimmying back out between his legs and getting up to release his wrists from the chains. Xander flopped onto his back and lay there, breathlessly panting. Spike shoved the bolster out of the way and lay next to his mate, pulling him into his arms, kissing him. Xander mumbled something into Spike's neck. "What was that, pet?" "I said, I hope you remembered to replace the tape in the surveillance camera," said Xander, blushing a little. Spike hugged him tight as he burst out laughing.

*****

Giles phoned every afternoon for the following few days, letting Xander know how the girls were. Buffy was still ranting, but Willow seemed to have calmed down a little, and had asked Giles if he had any idea of how she could contact Xander. Giles had given her the phone number, and told Xander to expect a call from her in the next couple of days. Xander was almost bouncing when he hung up and walked into the bedroom to share the news with Spike. "Giles said that he gave Willow my number today, Spike. She wants to talk to me."

"That's good, pet. Told you she'd come around. How's the Slayer? Still snotty about it?"

"Yeah, still ranting a bit, according to Giles. But she'll calm down, I'm sure, once Willow is talking to me again."

"Yeah, well, just make sure you've got the phone with you when we go out tomorrow, then, in case she calls, all right?"

"Out? Where are we going?"

"Saturday tomorrow, pet. We've got an appointment, remember?"

"Oh, yeah, of course. Just losing track of the days a bit, that's all," said Xander, feeling his heart sink a little. He wanted Spike to get the chip out, or deactivated, or whatever. He really did. Just...

"You OK, Xan?"

"Yeah, fine." Xander picked up his jacket from where it had fallen behind the chair, and the book Giles had lent him fell to the floor. "Hey, I wondered where this had got to. Giles lent me a book, Spike, all about claiming and consorts and stuff. I read it at his place, but there are things in there I want to ask you about." He held the book up to show Spike. Noting the scowl on the vampire's face, he said, "What, isn't it any good? Giles said it was 'reliable'."

"No, no, love. It's actually written by a vampire, a couple of hundred years ago. He got it into his head the Lore should be written down. Dozy sod. Like you've got any chance of forgetting it. Here, love. Let's go sit down and have a beer." Xander followed Spike out to the kitchen. "So what did you want to ask about?" said Spike, as he opened the fridge and got out two beers.

Xander sat at the table and opened the book to the section on the claiming of Consorts. "OK, Spike. Can I just go through this and ask questions as I come to things?"

"Sure. Fire away, love," said Spike, as he pulled up a chair next to Xander.

"Um, it says about the first claiming - we had to share blood. But you didn't feed me any. Did you?"

"When I kissed you after I'd claimed you, Xan, I cut my tongue with my fang. You didn't notice?"

"I noticed blood, but I just thought it was mine."

"Well, yeah, some of it was. But you didn't need to take much. A couple of drops was enough to start with."

"Right. OK. And going all 'grrr' the other day - that was the 'formal declaration of the bond', yeah?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"Nothing, just checking you've done it right... ooof!" Spike lunged at Xander and nipped lightly at his throat. "Cheeky bastard!"

"Just kidding, Spike! Um, that's sort of the easy stuff out of the way," said Xander, pushing at Spike, who sat back down on his chair again. "Right, what's next? Oh, yeah. It talks about what happens if one of us..." Xander's voice trailed off. "It says that Consorts are usually turned."

Spike began speaking. "If I'm dusted, you'll gradually fade away and die. It will be as though half of you is dead, too, and it just takes a while for the rest of you to catch up. Taking a human consort is a risky thing for a vampire, too. The demon quite often goes insane with grief when the human dies, and the vampire ends up sitting at the graveside waiting to greet the dawn." Spike leaned forward and wrapped his arms around Xander. "That's why we eventually turn our consorts, Xander. And that's why the consorts agree to it. And after a few years the consort is used to sharing the vampire's demon anyway, so very little changes. But that's not something we have to consider for a long time, Xan. And it will always be your choice."

Xander nodded, his head buried in Spike's neck. He exhaled a long, shaky sigh. "Yeah, that's pretty much what the book says. It just didn't really sink in when you tried to tell me before."

"Like I said, pet. Your choice. Always," said Spike, staring into Xander's eyes, trying so hard to make Xander believe that. Because if it came to it, Spike knew he'd turn him and worry about the consequences afterwards. "So, is that it, or is there anything else you want to ask?" said Spike, knowing full well what the last part of the section of this particular book dealt with, and figuring he might as well get it over with. He drained his beer and got himself a fresh one. Xander had only taken a sip of his.

"Um, yeah, hang on," said Xander as he turned another page. "Oh, right. Yeah, the last bit talks about the Sire. And this is something you really should have talked to me about, Spike," said Xander, looking up at Spike with a stern expression on his face. He bent his head back to the book again. "Says your Sire has to give his consent, and perform the Admittance Rite, which makes the union valid in the eyes of the -"

"Oh yeah, that," said Spike, cutting Xander's hesitant reading off. But Xander wasn't going to be deflected so easily. "Says our lives are forfeit to the Sire if he withholds consent, and... blah blah blah... hang on, there's a bit further down...yeah, here it is. By giving consent, the Sire agrees to assign the same rights, privileges and responsibilities to the Consort as are held by their Childe. The Consort agrees to submit to the Sire in accordance with their recognised status as Childe." Xander closed the book and looked up at Spike.

"Now, that's not the easiest thing I've ever had to read, but I think I've agreed to act like a vampire and call Deadboy 'daddy'. That right?"

"Yeah. Something like that. That's something we need to talk about."

"And that, if Deadboy, who hates me by the way, gets snarky and refuses to perform the rite, we're bone - yeah? Dead. Deadboy has the right to drain us or something," continued Xander, as though Spike hadn't said a word.

"Well, yeah. But he can't. Withhold consent, I mean. He gave you to me, Xander. He can't refuse under Lore. And anyway, whatever the soul may think of you, Angelus doesn't hate you."

"What? The demon likes me? Look, Spike, the claiming, cool. The whole blood-sharing, co-dependency thing we've got going, yeah, I get that now. But the Sire's rights thing I don't understand. I get that Deadboy has to agree and can't kill us now. And that he's supposed to perform some sort of ritual, and that I get treated like a Childe, but I don't know what any of that actually means, to me."

Spike sighed. "OK. Yes, I should have discussed this with you. But the way things have been just lately there hasn't been a good time, you know? And knowing how you feel about Angelus, I didn't..." Spike stopped, took a long swallow of his beer, sighed again and decided to just spit it out. "Right. OK, hear me out, no interruptions, questions afterwards, yeah?" Xander nodded. "Right then. Firstly, the admittance ceremony is performed in private. We all have to... I mean, we need to... If Angelus wants to, we..." Spike faltered again. His pet was not going to be happy about this. To tell the truth, Spike wasn't exactly thrilled at the prospect either.

Xander burst out laughing. "Jeez, Spike, just say it already! The way you're stuttering and stumbling over this, anyone would think that I have to fuck Deadboy..." At the silence that greeted this statement, Xander felt himself going pale. "Please, tell me I don't have to fuck Deadboy, Spike. Spike?"

"No, Xan, you don't fuck Angelus. He fucks you."

"This isn't funny, Spike," said Xander.

"No, I know it isn't," answered Spike.

"Shit, you're serious!" said Xander in a shocked voice.

"The admittance ceremony is carried out in private for a reason, Xander. Angelus acknowledges you as his Childe. It's all about bloodlines. A Sire has the rights of sex, blood and death over a Childe. Your Sire made you, and they can destroy you - that's the Lore."

"But you and Angel hate each other, and Angelus..."

"That's different," said Spike. "The soul fucked everything up, Xan. That maniac who tried to end the world wasn't Angelus; I don't know what the fuck was going on there. And I don't owe a damn thing to that ponce, Angel. Angelus is a different matter."

Xander immediately brightened. "The soul! Yeah, with Deadboy having the soul, no one is going to expect him to perform the ceremony thing, right? So we don't have to worry about it, do we?" Spike shuffled his chair even closer to Xander's, and took hold of Xander's hands, rubbing the wedding ring with his thumb and forefinger thoughtfully. He looked up, caught Xander's eyes, and held his gaze.

"Doesn't work that way, Xan. Angelus already knows. Whether Angel knows too or not, I don't know. I still have a blood bond to my Sire, Xander, and me taking a consort is not something that is going to go unnoticed, know what I mean? If we don't go to him, he will come to us, eventually."

"But he might not, if the soul doesn't let him, yeah?"

Spike sighed again. "I suppose it's possible. We can leave it for the time being, anyway. There's no rush. We have a year to get his approval. And anyway, Angelus is the one who'd kill us if he doesn't do it, so it'll work out either way, really."

"Yeah," said Xander thoughtfully. "OK. Just for argument's sake, suppose he does come here and we have to perform the ceremony and stuff. What's involved - and tell me all of it, Spike."

"Not much to tell, really. Basically, we get naked, we share blood, he takes us if he wants to, he says the words, end of story."

"What? He bites me too! And I can't refuse?"

"Childer don't refuse their Sires anything, Xan. Ever."

"What? He can do it again if he wants?"

"Yeah, but that doesn't usually happen. It's usually purely ceremonial. Especially when their Childe is a Master in their own right."

"Oh, I feel so much better now."

"Xander," said Spike in a weary voice.

"What!? Fuck, Spike. You're always pulling this shit! You didn't tell me about the bond until afterwards. When was I going to find out about this? When Deadboy bends me over and sticks his fangs in my neck!"

"Fuck, no! But when was I supposed to talk to you about this, eh? We've only been living together for just over a week, and it's been one fucking disaster after another. This is not something that's going to happen tomorrow, Xan. We've got plenty of time, and I was going to talk to you about it once things had settled down a bit. Now will you bloody well calm down! The soul is in control, so the chances of anything more than a little blood sharing happening are pretty small, and even that might not happen."

"Jeez, Spike..."

"Would it have made any difference? Would you have refused to bond with me if you'd known about this?" asked Spike.

"What? Of course not!" Xander sighed. Leaned back in his seat, found himself fiddling with his wedding ring. "Spike, I love you. I just feel like I should have known this stuff up front."

"Xan, I had every intention of talking to you about all these things. But it's like I've been ambushed every step of the way. I haven't deliberately hidden anything from you - it's just that you seem to have stumbled across everything before I managed to tell you. That's all."

Sitting quietly, drinking his beer, Xander actually had to agree. It seemed like they were living in one of those dumb sit-coms, where misunderstandings and disasters happen with annoying frequency.

"You're right. It's quite funny, when you think about it. But if there's anything else I need to know, can you please tell me, now?"

Spike huffed in frustration. "Xan, I don't know what you need to know. As things come up, I'll tell you. That's the best I can do. There's nothing major that I can think of, but I can't promise that there aren't other things that I don't even know that you don't know." Xander sat for a moment trying to untangle the sentence, then smiled. "Ok."

Spike reached across and grabbed Xander, pulling him into his lap. "You're my world, pet. Don't ever forget that. You're mine, and I love you."

SECRETS AND CONFRONTATIONS