SECRETS AND
INTROSPECTION
by
Edibbea
Notes
Xander sat bolt upright in bed. He was gasping for
breath, and his heart was pounding. He reached across for Spike, but his side of
the bed was empty. He fumbled blindly behind him to find the light switch, and
breathed a sigh of relief as the gentle glow of the electric candle fixtures
softly illuminated the room. Then he winced as he registered the twinges coming
from his butt.
"Spike?" called Xander as he gingerly stood and made his
way to the kitchen. He opened the fridge and poured himself some juice. "Spike,
you want a drink?" No, his mate wasn't in the apartment, he could feel that now.
He glanced at the digital clock on the microwave - 2:37. He went back into the
bedroom and found Spike's duster and boots were missing. Xander concentrated on
Spike and probed at the link. A red mist rushed over him as he was hit by a
surge of adrenalin. The demon was howling. He hauled his thoughts back in and
closed himself off from the link. Okay, well that answered that question. Spike
was... hunting. Must have been what woke him up. He closed his eyes for a
moment, swallowing hard, fervently hoping that no fatal 'animal attacks' would
be discovered when the sun rose. Well, going back to sleep wasn't an option now.
Xander felt hyped enough to run a marathon.
At the urging of his bladder,
he took himself off to the bathroom. When he'd finished, he turned to the full
length mirror, turned the lights up full and examined his back. Even with
Spike's blood, he'd expected to see a lot of bruising, and was surprised to only
find a tinge of redness on the skin, like mild sunburn. He rubbed his hands over
his buttocks; a bit tender, but nothing like they should have been. He ran his
fingers over the skin, trying to see if he could make out any marks from the
crop, and felt vaguely disappointed when he couldn't. He wanted the
marks.
Xander abruptly turned and left the bathroom. He grabbed a blanket
from the closet and headed into the living room. He needed to see... He rummaged
through the tapes, found the surveillance video that Spike had shown him the
other night, rammed it into the VCR and hit play. Xander found the remote and
turned on the TV. Then he wrapped the blanket around himself and lay on the
couch, in the dark, watching the flickering images. He watched Spike on the
screen picking up the flogger and closed his eyes, his hand reaching for his
cock. He wrapped his fingers around himself and rolled onto his back. The groans
and cries from the TV thrust his mind into a replay of last evening. Xander bent
his knees, pulled his legs up to his chest, the fingers of his other hand
drifting down to his anus. Remembering Spike stretching him out, "cause he wants
to put his hand inside me". Xander's cock jumped as a gasp escaped him at this
thought. He pushed a dry finger into himself as he sped up his stroking,
spreading the precum around the tip of his cock with his thumb. Spike had tied
him down tight, so he could struggle. Because he needed to struggle. And then,
when Spike'd stretched him wide open, rammed that thing into him, he'd picked up
the leather crop and... "Fuck," Xander gasped, as he pulsed his orgasm over his
chest and stomach. He lowered his legs and lay there,
panting.
*****
Xander drifted in a haze of lust. The cool suction
on his cock felt wonderful. He thrust upwards helplessly as cool hands slipped
from his hips to cup his ass cheeks and encouraged him to thrust deeper into the
delicious wetness. Xander reached down, tangled his fingers in the soft waves
and urged the mouth to swallow him down. Sudden pressure on the swollen head and
Xander was coming... his eyes snapped open and he lifted his head to watch a
naked Spike sucking and swallowing as Xander spilled into his mouth. Xander
groaned as his head fell back against the couch cushions. He felt Spike move and
then cool lips captured his, sharing his flavour. Spike pulled back slightly.
"Morning, beautiful," he said with a leer.
"Spike! What...
I..."
"Articulate as ever, pet. I came back to find you lying naked and
hard on the couch. Seemed a shame to waste the opportunity," said
Spike.
"Uh, I must have fallen asleep. I woke up and you were gone, and I
could feel..." He caught Spike's eye. "Did you - I mean, is..."
"Yeah, I
fed. No, nobody's dead. Is that what you were asking?" Spike answered
tersely.
"Yeah, that's it," said Xander hesitantly, confused at the
sudden hostility from Spike.
"Don't question me, pet. I can think of
better things for you to do with that mouth of yours," said Spike. He stood up
and pulled Xander off the couch, pushing him until he was kneeling on the floor.
Xander opened his mouth to ask Spike what his problem was, then felt Spike's
hands on his head, pulling him towards his groin. Xander gave a mental shrug and
lowered his head, taking in Spike's erection. Maybe Spike would be less grouchy
once he'd blown him. He started sucking, holding onto Spike's hips as he bobbed
his head up and down. Then he felt Spike's hands tighten in his hair, and
suddenly Spike was fucking his mouth, hard, holding his head still, tipping it
back so he could thrust further down his throat. Xander fought his gag reflex as
the cock hit the back of his throat, and swallowed convulsively. Spike groaned
and emptied himself into Xander's mouth.
"Keep sucking," Spike growled.
Xander flicked his eyes up to Spike's face as he began sucking his cock again.
Spike was in game face. And his cock stayed as hard as a rock.
"Mmm, very
nice, pet," groaned Spike. "Make me nice and wet, cos I want your pretty arse
next."
Xander pulled his head back and said, "There's lube in the
bedroom, Spike, I can go and get it." Spike tightened his grip on Xander's head.
"If I'd wanted lube, I'd have gone and got it myself. Get on all fours, now."
Spike released Xander's head and pushed him forward.
Xander felt himself
shaking as he turned around and put his hands on the floor. This wasn't right.
Spike didn't do this. Spike's hands were running down his back, over his ass. A
wet finger pushed into him.
"Hmm, still tight, pet. I'd have thought
you'd be a bit looser after last night. Still a bit slick, though, handy, don't
want you too dry." Hands on his hips. "Spread your legs wider, pet." Bluntness
at his entrance. Xander cried out as Spike slammed into him. "Fuck, Spike,
stop..." Spike slammed in again, pushing Xander forward onto his forearms. Spike
fucked him hard and fast, roaring as he came, the cool come welcome as it washed
over the burning heat inside Xander. Spike pulled straight out. "Bed, now," he
barked as he stood up and pulled Xander up with him. Xander tried to pull back,
but Spike was much stronger, and he found himself being flung unceremoniously
onto the bed.
Xander watched the vampire warily. Spike was still in game
face as he knelt over the human. "Mine," Spike growled as he spread Xander's
legs and rammed back into him again. Xander gasped and cried out, his thoughts
scattered as Spike drove into him, shocked at being treated like some sort of
fuck toy. He wanted to say no, and demand to know exactly what Spike thought he
was doing, but some sense of self-preservation told him to keep his mouth shut.
Spike grasped Xander's wrists and pressed them firmly into the mattress
above his head. "Mine," he growled again as he pounded into him. Fangs sank into
Xander's neck as Spike came, but he only took one or two mouthfuls before
withdrawing them and licking quickly across the punctures to stem the bleeding.
Spike then rolled away and lay panting for a minute, before ripping into his
wrist and thrusting it at Xander. Xander suckled cautiously for a few seconds,
then Spike pulled his arm away, licking the wound to heal it. He then got off
the bed and walked into the bathroom, leaving Xander lying on the bed wondering
what the hell had just happened. Spike had never just - used him - like that
before, not caring if he got off, not caring if he wanted it or
not.
Xander slowly got off the bed and walked into the bathroom. Spike
was already in the shower, and he pulled open the door. "You getting in here,
pet?" he said. Xander nodded and stepped into the shower, feeling totally
shell-shocked.
By the time they got out of the shower, Xander found that
even the slight tenderness from earlier was gone, as was the soreness from when
Spike had just slammed into him. Being bonded was going to cut down on visits to
the doctor, anyway. As though reading his thoughts, Spike ran his eyes over
Xander's back, and said, "Feeling ok? No pain anywhere?"
"Nah, good as
new," snapped Xander.
"What's wrong, pet?" he asked. "Is there something
about what happened yesterday that we need to talk about?"
Xander looked
at Spike incredulously. The vampire seemed to have no idea. "Yesterday was fine,
Spike. I just want to know what today was all about," said Xander.
"I
don't understand, pet. We fucked. What's the problem?" said Spike. Xander's
courage failed him. He was feeling too confused, too fractured... Spike had
never treated him like this before. Last night had been wonderful, but now he
felt - off balance again. Xander couldn't deal with this, not now. "Nothing,
don't worry about it," he said. "I'm just a bit tired, that's all." He avoided
catching Spike's eye and walked back into the bedroom, pulling out clothes, not
really noticing what he was putting on.
Xander felt a hand on his wrist,
and suddenly he was spun around and slammed against the wall. Golden eyes stared
into brown.
"Don't *ever* walk away from me. I asked you what was wrong,"
growled the vampire. Xander felt a shock of fear flood through him. Tears sprang
to his eyes, and then arms were wrapped around him, and Spike, his Spike, was
rocking him gently.
"I'm sorry, Xander, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Come and
sit down, pet." Xander pulled away from Spike and sat down, inching away from
Spike as he sat next to him, feeling as confused as hell.
"Xander, look
at me." As Xander raised his eyes, he could see Spike's eyes flashing from gold
to blue and back again.
*****
"Xander." Spike sighed. This was so
hard. All Spike's instincts were screaming at him to just throw the boy on the
bed and fuck him again. Talking was for humans. Spike forced the demon down
hard. "Xander," he began again. "Look, pet. I love you, you know that, yeah? But
I'm a demon, love. And I think you forget that sometimes. And that's probably my
fault. I keep myself as human as I can when I'm around you, for you, you know?
But I can't keep it up all the time. I need to hunt, Xan, I need to be me. And
it's not easy to shove that part of me down again. The demon's still too close
to the surface. When I come back from hunting, I'm not human. You need to
remember that. I won't be questioned by you, and I'll take you any way I need
to. That's just the way it is, pet. And I need you to understand that, and I
need you to be okay with that. Cos that's not gonna change. But it never, ever
means that I don't love you." Spike sighed again, and ran his hand through his
hair. "I forget how little experience you have. Sometimes, a fuck is just a
fuck, yeah?"
"I'm sorry I haven't had a string of meaningless fucks so I
could just add this to them, then, Spike," Xander spat out, staring at the
floor. Spike put a hand under Xander's chin and tilted his face up
again.
"That's not what I want, and that's not what I meant, Xander."
Spike moved closer to Xander, running a hand through the dark waves and cupping
the back of his head. "Oh, little one, you're so fucking young," he sighed
sadly. "This is too much for you, I can't expect you to deal with
this."
"I'm not! I'm 19, you know. I'm not a kid, I can handle it," said
Xander hotly.
"I'm more than a century older than you, Xander. The
Watcher's still a kid to me," said Spike, suddenly feeling every year of his
existence weighing down on him. Spike put his hand to Xander's cheek, rubbing
his thumb gently over his cheekbone as he looked into brown eyes still cloudy
with pain.
"Can you really handle this, love?" asked Spike.
Xander
just shook his head. "I'm trying, Spike, but it's hard. It felt like you were -
were raping me."
A look of shock came over Spike's face. "Shit! That's
not... that's not what it was, Xan. I can't explain it to you any better." Fuck
this, thought Spike. Words weren't going to do it. The boy was too young, and
too hurt. So he opened the link and sent Xander a little of what he'd felt since
hunting and feeding earlier. Xander's head flew back, his eyes wide as he gasped
and began panting. Spike heard Xander's heartrate begin to climb as a rush of
pheromones hit him.
"Fuck! Spike, jeez. Just... Fuck!" gasped out Xander,
then he roughly shoved Spike onto his back, climbed on top of him and began
plundering his mouth, grinding his sudden erection against the vampire. He
thrust hard against the body beneath him, and came explosively, sinking his
teeth into Spike's neck. As Xander slumped bonelessly on top of him, Spike
wrapped his arms around him and rolled him off to the side slightly. Still
panting, Xander caught Spike's eyes and then flushed. "Oh God, Spike, I'm
so..."
"Xander. Stop. Nothing to apologise for. But you felt how strong
it was, didn't you, and I only gave you a tiny glimpse, love. Do you understand
now?" asked Spike.
"God, yeah! That was... intense," said Xander in a
shaky voice. Spike sat quietly and let Xander sort out his feelings for a
moment. The need to claim his mate, to force his submission, would have been
overwhelming for him. The demon had been angry at its mate questioning its right
to hunt and kill, and Spike had reined it in hard; he hoped Xander could see
that now. Xander leaned forward and kissed Spike softly.
"I'm fine,
Spike, I can do this," said Xander, smiling down at his lover. The smile looked
distinctly wobbly, but Spike felt a spark of hope. Maybe the boy could cope with
this after all. He raised himself up, and they both moved so they were sitting
next to each other again. Spike took Xander's hand. There was something else he
needed to talk to the boy about, but there'd been enough emotional trauma for
one day. It could wait.
*****
Xander put his dirty dishes in the
sink and poured himself another orange juice. His thoughts were still stuttering
over the way Spike had...
'He raped you'
'No!'
'You said
no. You told him to stop. He didn't.'
"Shutup shutup shutup!'
That
wasn't what it was. It wasn't. The feelings that Spike had shared through the
link were so overwhelming. He had to admit to himself that they scared him a
little; hell, who was he kidding? They terrified him. But Xander told himself
that he could live with this. He could. It wasn't about being used. It was about
need. This was something that he could do to show his love for Spike. He sat at
the table, sipping his juice and staring at the tabletop, and looked up as Spike
spoke.
"Do you remember last week when you were surfing the 'net,
looking for ideas on what you might like to do with yourself?"
"Uhuh. Um,
yeah, I remember thinking that the woodworking thing looked really cool. I think
I might enjoy making things like that, you know?" said Xander, desperately
trying to gather his scattered thoughts, feeling confused at what seemed a total
change of subject.
"Yeah, you said. Anyway, I've got a mate who owns a
workshop, sort of a co-operative, all sorts of handcrafts, woodwork and
metalwork, that sort of thing. He's agreed to talk to us and see if you'd like
to work there for a while. See if you like it. He's a master craftsman, love,
you'd be learning from the best. So, what do you think?"
"Yeah, sounds
great," said Xander. And it did. So he forced his focus onto it. This could be
something he'd enjoy.
"Good. We're going to see him later today, ok?"
said Spike. "Xan, there's..." his voice was cut off by the ringing of Xander's
cell phone. Xander gave Spike a quick, apologetic grin and went to the bedroom
to grab his phone.
"Hey, Giles... Yeah... That sounds great, can I call
you back in 5? 'K, bye." Xander ended the call as he walked back into the
kitchen and sat down again. "That was Giles. He wondered if I wanted to come for
lunch. You, too, if you want?" said Xander.
"I need to get some sleep,
Xander. And we've got an appointment this afternoon," said Spike. Xander's face
fell a little. "Xander, you can go if you want - I don't expect you keep vampire
hours, pet," said Spike.
"No, it's okay, Spike. I'll just stay
here."
Spike sighed. "Xander, listen to me. You don't need to stay here
while I'm asleep. And you don't need my permission to go out if you want. I just
want you to remember that you're not on your own any more, and that you need to
let me know where you are and when you're coming home, yeah? Like any couple
would." Xander smiled. Spike loved him. Just hang on to that. "Yeah, married man
now, keep forgetting," he said with a grin. Spike returned the grin. "So ring
him back and say yeah. Just be home by 3. We're going out."
"Okay, yeah,
cool."
"All right then, love. I'm hitting the sack, I'm completely
shagged out. Say hello to the Watcher for me. After we've seen Stan, we'll have
dinner and then I'm taking you out. I know I promised we'd use the dungeon every
night this week, but I've got something a little different in mind tonight.
You'll enjoy it, I promise."
"Oh, right," said Xander.
"So, go
ring the Watcher back," said Spike, getting up and walking to the sink to rinse
out his mug. Xander walked up behind him and wrapped his arms around the
vampire, nuzzling the back of his neck. "I love you, Spike," he
whispered.
"I know, love. I know."
*****
Xander got back
just before 3pm to find Spike dressed and waiting for him.
"Have a nice
lunch, love?"
"Yeah. Giles just wanted to check that I was okay. He was
worried - said you'd seemed a bit angry. I told him you had every right to be,"
said Xander, with a shy grin.
"Not angry, pet. Told you that," said
Spike, returning the smile. Then he picked up the car keys. "Let's go, then. You
ready? Need anything?"
"No, I'm good to go," said Xander. He followed
Spike out to the underground car park. The heavily tinted windows on the car
meant Spike was no longer confined to the apartment during the day, provided he
could find sheltered parking spots.
*****
The workshop was set up
in a converted factory only a five minute drive from the apartment, and Xander
could walk there during the day, when Spike wasn't with him, of course. Spike
drove around the back of the factory and hit the horn. A roller door was raised,
and Spike drove in. Once it was closed again, he got out of the car and was
immediately pulled into a bear hug by a giant of a man.
"Spike! Good ta
see ya, me old mucker, how's life?" said the man as he placed Spike back on his
feet again. Spike shook his head, grinning ruefully.
"Really good, Stan.
How's Marlene and kids?"
"Driving me bloody insane, as usual! Still,
wouldn't be dead for quids, y'know?" He looked over and saw Xander walking
towards them. "So, this the new trouble and strife, eh? He's a looker, c'n see
why you grabbed him, mate," he said to Spike, with a wink and a leer. Xander
blushed. He wasn't entirely sure what Stan was talking about, but he'd ask Spike
later.
"Yeah. Xander, this is Stan. Master craftsman. Nothing he doesn't
know about working with wood." Xander put out his hand, but was grabbed into a
bear hug by Stan instead.
"Welcome to the family, mate," said Stan.
"C'mon, I'll show you the workshop then you two have to come and have a cuppa
with the missus - she'll kill me if she knows Spike's other half was 'ere and I
didn't take you to meet 'er," he said. Spike grinned at Xander's somewhat
bewildered expression, and squeezed his hand in reassurance. "You go with Stan
and have a look at everything, love. I'll wait here for you, okay?" Xander
nodded and followed Stan through the doorway.
The workshop was an
enormous, sun-washed space that was filled with the warm, spicy scents of wood
resin and varnish. Stan talked enthusiastically about tools and types of wood,
and Xander found himself caught up in it. He felt excited about this, and was
surprised to find that he was really looking forward to starting work here. Stan
finished the tour of the workshop and grinned down at Xander. "The metalwork
stuff's out the back if you want to have a go at that too, later on. Pete does
that, I'll introduce you next week. So, what d'ya think, lad? Wanna give it a
shot?"
"Yeah, please. I think I'd really enjoy working here," said
Xander.
"Great! Spike said you could start next Monday. Be here by 10,
okay?" said Stan. Xander nodded, grinning widely. "Right, let's go an' meet the
missus," Stan said, heading back to where Spike was
waiting.
*****
Several hours later an exhausted Spike and Xander
collapsed onto the couch in their living room. They'd been plied with more food
than they had seen in a week, and the kids had worn them out. There seemed to be
dozens of them, running around, laughing. Xander told Spike that it had felt
like home.
"So, where do you know Stan from? He sounds English," said
Xander. "Although I didn't understand half of what he said," he added. Spike
laughed.
"Cockney rhyming slang, love. I'll explain it to you one day. Or
better yet, ask Stan, he'll enjoy telling you all about it. Him and me met in
London, long time ago now. They took care of me when I needed it, and I look out
for them now. Him and Marlene are Graffich demons, can pass as human, which is
handy." At Xander's look of surprise, Spike laughed. "Not all demons are slimy
or have horns and claws and plans for world domination, y'know, love. Some of
'em are just normal, family people who want to get on with their lives, take
care of their kids, just be left in peace, you know?"
"Oh. Just a
surprise, that's all. They're really nice. And I feel like Marlene's adopted
me!"
"Salt of the earth, they are! And yeah, she's everybody's mum is
Marlene. Lovely, real lady that one. Most of those kids are adopted or fostered,
you know. They're good people, Xan. They'll look after you. You'll be happy
working there."
"Yeah, I think I will. Thanks, Spike," Xander said as he
wrapped his arms around his smiling lover.
"I just want you to be happy,
love. That's all," said Spike, dropping a kiss on Xander's neck. Spike smiled to
himself. He'd definitely made the right choice. Stan and Marlene had more than
enough room in their hearts and their family for Xander. And Xander so
desperately needed to belong. Spike could cheerfully kill the boy's parents. Not
that they'd intentionally been cruel. That might have been preferable, in a way.
At least they'd be acknowledging him. They'd just ignored him. He'd been in the
way, and had been left to fend for himself. Always knowing that he was unwanted
and unloved. Spike's heart clenched. Never again. He felt Xander
yawning.
"How about we get some kip for a couple of hours before we go
out? I don't know about you, but those kids wore me out," said Spike. They
stretched out on the couch, Xander quickly falling asleep wrapped in Spike's
arms. Spike felt a surge of love for his human consort, and a rush of anger at
himself. He'd hurt the boy. Hadn't meant to; didn't want to, but it had happened
all the same. And if Spike didn't sort something out, it would happen
again.
*****
As they were getting dressed, Spike had told Xander
they were going to a club, and Xander had half expected to be returning to the
demon club they'd been to before. Instead, he found himself standing on the
steps of large, detached house, a few miles outside Sunnydale. Spike rang the
bell, and the door was answered by a man wearing a dark suit, looking just the
way Xander had always imagined a butler would. "Ah, Master Spike. Welcome. We
haven't had the pleasure of your company for some time," the man said, standing
to one side to allow them to enter.
"Been a bit busy, James. You know how
it is," answered Spike, as the man took his and Xander's coats. Xander noticed
that Spike had taken a small bag out of his pocket.
"Do you have any
special requirements this evening, sir?"
"No. Not tonight," said
Spike.
"Very good. Have a pleasant evening," said James, as he took the
coats away.
"What is this place, Spike?" asked Xander, looking around.
They were standing in what looked like a hotel lobby, complete with couches,
tables and a reception desk with room keys behind it.
"Just a private
club, pet. We'll come here from time to time. But tonight's just for a look
around, have a bit of fun, and a small lesson in obedience," said Spike. He
placed his finger on Xander's lips. "No more questions allowed, pet. I'll tell
you what you need to know. Come on," he said, and walked towards a door at the
far end of the foyer, which led through into a small lounge. Xander noticed a
few people sitting around, with others kneeling or sitting at their feet. Spike
ordered them a drink each and then sat on a chair. "Kneel, pet," he said, and
Xander sank nervously to his knees in between Spike's legs, darting looks around
the room. No one paid him the least bit of attention, and he relaxed slightly.
Spike opened the bag and drew out a leather collar. He leaned forward and put it
around Xander's neck, making sure it wasn't fastened too tightly. Then he sat
back and looked at Xander. "Beautiful, pet, with my collar around your neck," he
said softly. He'd dressed Xander in a simple, tight white t-shirt and soft,
black leather pants. The black leather collar wasn't too wide, and Spike's claim
mark was clear. "Beautiful," he said again. Xander flushed, feeling somewhat
embarrassed at being like this in public, but finding it oddly
arousing.
"There are dungeons here, private and public rooms, and a dance
floor. People come here to show off their pets, Xander, and to relax." said
Spike. "Mainly vamps and demons, though there are some humans here too," he
added. "Probably best if you don't talk to anyone yet, pet. There's protocols
about these things. I'll explain it to you later. But for now, finish your drink
and we'll have a look around." Xander finished his drink and rose to his feet,
following Spike out of the small lounge. They headed down a corridor, and Spike
stopped at a heavy wooden door at the end of it.
"This is the public
dungeon, Xan. There are smaller, private ones here, too. But you can come and
watch what happens in this one, if you want. Keep quiet, though, okay?" said
Spike, and he pushed the door open. Xander followed Spike in, and gasped
audibly, snapping his mouth shut at Spike's warning look. It was at least three
times as large as their dungeon at home, and there were a number of people in it
already. Xander could feel his eyes widening as he looked around at the various
activities. There were several people watching a leather-clad woman as she ran
her hands over the back of a man who was chained, spread-eagled, to some sort of
'x' shaped whipping post. She must have asked him something, because the man
nodded and she kissed his cheek. She then walked to a small table and picked up
a whip with several mid-length tails, with what looked like knots on the end of
them. Xander found himself getting hard, watching as she began to slowly add her
marks to the smooth expanse of skin. Just for a moment he imagined himself
there, chained to the post... He tore his eyes away as he felt a hand on his
arm.
"C'mon, pet. Let's go. We're just having a look around tonight. We
can stay and watch another time."
Xander turned to follow Spike back out
of the dungeon, but his attention was caught by a couple on the other side of
the room. The man in the sling was moaning, Xander could hear it quite clearly.
He stopped and watched as the man standing next to him added more lube to his
hand and started to push his fingers back into the waiting hole. They'd
obviously been working at this for a while, because Xander could see the hand
slowly sinking in. Xander felt his breath hitch. Spike turned to Xander and
smiled, and then gestured for them to leave. Outside, in the corridor, Spike
pushed Xander against the wall and kissed him roughly. Xander groaned and ground
himself against his lover. Spike broke the kiss and whispered against Xander's
lips, "Liked seeing that, didn't you? That's what I'm going to be doing to you,
very soon. Did you imagine it was me pushing inside you? You want that?" Xander
swallowed hard and nodded. Spike smiled. "We will, but we've got to work up to
it. Don't want to hurt you." Then he took Xander's hand and led him back to the
lobby.
"Are we leaving, Spike?" asked Xander.
"No, pet. We're
gonna have a bit of fun, now," said Spike, leading Xander through the lobby and
through another heavy door, to the dance club. It took Xander a few seconds to
adjust to the gloom. It was quite dark, though coloured lights throbbed to the
beat of the music, which was just loud enough for the dancers to feel
comfortable, but not drown out conversation totally. Couches and low tables were
scattered around the edge of the room, with booths and smaller tables set into
alcoves. Xander sat on a couch and Spike went to get them drinks, returning with
a beer and a bottle of water for each of them.
"Dance with me, Xander?"
asked Spike. Xander nodded and they headed into the middle of the dance floor.
There were only 20 or 30 people in the room, so it was comfortable - enough room
to dance, but not so quiet that Xander felt embarrassed about dancing. He knew
he wasn't the most graceful dancer in the world, he knew that, but he found
himself enjoying moving to the music with Spike. They ground their bodies
together in time to the heavy beat, and Xander found himself getting more and
more aroused. The feel of Spike's body writhing against his, kissing him as they
moved together, was driving him crazy.
"Let's get a drink, pet," Spike
said into his ear, and they headed back to the table. Xander was grateful for
the water. It was hot in the room, and he'd worked up a thirst. Spike stood,
leaning casually against the wall, looking around the room. He reached out and
wrapped an arm around Xander's waist, pulling him closer. He dropped a kiss on
Xander's lips then turned him around, pulling him back against his
chest.
"Spread your legs, pet," he said into Xander's ear. Xander moved
his legs apart and felt Spike's hardness rubbing against his ass as Spike's hand
slipped lower and cupped his own, aching erection. As Xander felt himself
flushing, Spike said, "Look around, pet." And that's when he noticed that not
all the writhing was confined to the dance floor. Spike smiled at the look of
surprise on Xander's face. "Anything goes, here, Xan. Much better than groping
in the washrooms at the Bronze, yeah?"
"Um, yeah," said Xander, taking
another swallow of his water. Damn, it was getting *really* hot in here now, he
thought to himself. Spike's hand was now kneading Xander's erection, rubbing
slickly over the soft leather of his way too tight pants. Cool lips whispered
into his ear, "Suck me, Xan. I want to see your mouth around me."
"Here?
But everyone will see!" Xander blushed at the squeak in his voice.
"Yeah,
right here," Spike growled. "Where everyone can see. I want you to suck me, and
then I'm going to fuck you. Right here."
"I can't! Spike, I really can't
do this," Xander protested.
"Yes, you can, pet. You want to please me,
don't you?" whispered Spike, as he ran his fingernails over Xander's leather
clad erection and then nipped at his claim mark, sucking hard. Xander felt his
knees buckling. Fuck, that went straight to his cock, every single damn time. He
flushed as he turned in Spike's arms, then dropped to his knees and nuzzled
against Spike's groin, concentrating on unbuttoning and unzipping, trying to
push away his embarrassment. As Xander wrapped his lips around the hard cock,
Spike ran his fingers through the dark waves, tangling them in the hair as he
massaged Xander's scalp. Xander lost himself in the primal beat of the music and
the scent and smell and taste of Spike, forgetting where he was. He was so lost
it took him a few seconds to realise that Spike was tugging his head away. He
let the cock slip from his mouth and looked up. Spike's eyes were flashing gold
as he hauled Xander to his feet and ravaged his mouth.
"Kneel on the
couch, hands on the wall, now," gasped Spike. As Xander hesitantly arranged
himself on the couch, darting glances around to see who was watching, he felt
Spike press against his back, wrapping his arms around him, nuzzling his neck,
pressing his hard length against his butt. Xander gasped as Spike slipped his
hands under this t-shirt, stroking his chest. He pinched and twisted his
nipples, eliciting a groan from Xander, then ran his hands down Xander's
stomach, stopping to undo his pants and ease them down to his thighs. Spike's
cock was now nestled in between his ass cheeks as his hands cupped Xander's
balls and stroked his cock. Xander mewled and pushed back, he was so hot, and so
hard... Spike pulled back slightly, and Xander felt wet, slippery fingers enter
him, thrusting and stretching. Xander found himself pushing back onto the
fingers and then forwards into Spike's hand in time with the beat of the music
that was pulsing through him. He needed Spike inside him, now; he needed it like
he needed air. The whole fucking club could be watching for all he cared. The
beat changed as one song blended into another. He felt the bluntness of Spike's
cock at his entrance, and the burn as Spike began pushing into him. Cool lips at
his ear, and Xander recognised the words as Spike whispered them as he entered
him in one smooth thrust and then held still, holding Xander tightly against
him.
You let me violate you.
You let me desecrate you
You let me
penetrate you.
Xander groaned as his lover whispered, "You let me take
your innocence, and you were so beautiful as I fucked you for the first time."
The hardness inside him and the lust laden voice, harsh with arousal were
driving Xander insane with need, and he heard himself whimper as he bucked hard
into Spike's hand. Then Spike began thrusting, slowly and deeply, and Xander
became lost in sensation.
I want to fuck you like an animal
I want to
feel you from the inside
I want to fuck you like an animal
Xander
was going into overload. Knowing they were being watched as Spike fucked him;
hearing Spike whispering the words of the song to him with his own lewd adlibs,
and Xander could feel the meltdown coming.
My whole existence is flawed
You get me closer to god
He was spiralling higher and higher,
nothing but throbbing desire, want, need, harder, more, just fucking more. "Oh
God oh God oh God...oh, fuck, Spike," Xander keened, arched, his head slamming
back, his muscles clamping down on Spike's cock as he came, and came and came,
shuddering, into Spike's hand. Spike sank his fangs into Xander's neck as he
thrust hard, slamming into Xander, his hold tightening, convulsing as Xander
felt his lover's cock pulse inside him as he spent himself. They stayed locked
together, panting, for several minutes. Spike licked Xander's neck to stem the
bleeding, then pulled away gently. He turned and opened a drawer set into the
table, pulling out a couple of small hand towels. He roughly wiped himself and
Xander, and then helped him tuck himself away and zip up, before fixing his own
clothing. Sprawling on the couch, Spike handed Xander his water, noting the
goofy grin on his lover's face. "Enjoy that, did you?" he asked Xander. Xander
blushed, and then turned even redder as he noticed several people still watching
them. They turned away as Spike looked up at them.
"They were watching
us, weren't they?" said Xander.
"Yup. And I'll bet every single one of
them wanted to be me," said Spike, pulling Xander in for a quick kiss. "Ready to
go home now, pet?"
"Yeah, I think so," said Xander,
yawning.
"C'mon then, sleepyhead. Let's get you home to bed." Spike stood
and took Xander's hand, hauling him to his feet. He wrapped his arms around him
and kissed him. "I love you, Xander."
SECRETS
AND INTROSPECTION
II
