SECRETS AND LOCKED DOORS
by Edibbea
Notes

Xander woke slowly. The bedroom was very dark, lit only by the flickering firelight. He was momentarily disoriented, until the memories began flooding in again. Recalling his awakening yesterday morning, he waited for the panic to overtake him. But he felt only calm and peaceful. Spike was lying spooned against him, and somehow Xander knew that he, too, was awake - had been awake for some time, waiting. Spike pulled him closer and whispered, "How did you sleep, pet?"

"I feel great, I slept really well," said Xander, a note of wonder in his voice. He never slept well. He couldn't remember feeling this well rested before. He turned to face his vampire. "How long was I asleep?" he asked. "A couple of hours," replied Spike, as he started to nuzzle Xander's throat. He licked the scar, and Xander groaned - it felt like a direct 'on' switch to his cock. "Sensitive, pet?" asked Spike, although he was fully aware of how a vampire bite affected humans. "God, yeah," groaned Xander, grinding himself against the smooth body next to him, his cock getting harder by the second as the nibbling and sucking on the scar continued. He felt Spike's hand on his cock, stroking it, teasing the head with a fingernail and then lightly running his fingers down the length to cup his balls. It felt So. Fucking. Good. Xander couldn't believe he'd denied himself this pleasure for so long. Spike pushed him onto his back, threw the quilt out of the way and turned the lights up a little. Xander stared into glittering blue eyes. "You don't cum, pet. And you watch me. Understand?" Xander nodded as his cock jerked in anticipation.

Spike began to lick and nibble at the scar again, his fingers twisting and pinching Xander's nipples until they were so sensitive he swore he'd come from that alone. Xander felt a cool tongue lick its way across his chest, then down to tease his navel. Hands swept down his sides, down his legs, up the insides of his thighs to tease his balls. Then Spike was between his legs, licking and sucking on his cock, and Xander felt a groan start deep in his throat. Precum was dripping steadily now, and Xander was chanting "don't cum, don't cum" in his head, trying to keep control. Spike was sucking him hard now, deep throating him and swallowing around him, then bobbing up and down rapidly, swirling his tongue around, finding the sensitive places and concentrating on them again and again.

It felt like Spike had been sucking him for hours and Xander was growing frantic, thrashing on the bed, desperately trying to hold his orgasm at bay. "Please... I can't take it... Please stop, or I'm gonna cum, please," he croaked, his voice harsh and dry from panting and moaning. Spike gave a final lick to Xander's cock, and then crawled up his body, until they were face to face, their bodies pressed together. Spike kissed him hard, plundering his mouth, and then pulled his head back to look at his boy. "I'm very pleased with you, pet. I know how desperately you want to cum, but you asked me to stop so that you wouldn't disobey me. I think you deserve a reward. You may cum when I tell you."

And Spike started all over again. Licking, nibbling, teasing, sucking until Xander thought he would go out of his mind. He was moaning and muttering incoherently, "please, now, please, need to cum, please..." Spike gave a final hard suck to Xander's cock, and lifted his head. Xander was absolutely beautiful like this. Shaking with need, gasping and writhing, begging for release. "Look at me, Xander," he commanded, and held Xander's eyes as he slowly slipped his index and middle finger into his mouth, and fellated them enthusiastically until they were dripping wet. Xander was mesmerised; this was so fucking hot. Spike grinned at him, and then wrapped his other hand around Xander's cock and began pumping him. Much as he enjoyed blowing the boy, he wanted to watch him come. Xander felt the wet fingers circling his anus as Spike watched him. His control was fraying rapidly. Spike was pumping him harder and faster, and just when Xander thought he couldn't hold out for a second more, said, "You may come, pet." Spike then slipped the wet fingers into Xander in one hard thrust. The delicious pain pushed him over the edge, and Xander cried out his release.

He must have passed out, he thought, as he opened his eyes to find Spike kneeling next to him on the bed, watching him. "Did I..." he croaked. Spike held out a glass of water, and Xander sat up and took it, drinking it gratefully. "You were out for a good ten minutes, pet. Thought I was gonna have to turn you after all!"

"I've never passed out like that before."

"You've never had me blow you before." They both burst out laughing. Spike reached out to stroke Xander's cheek. "Getting off quickly has its charms, pet, but I intend to teach you about delayed gratification. When you want it so badly you can taste it, and you feel as if you'll die if the pleasure doesn't stop... it's all about intensity, pet. And endurance. And we're going to be working on both." He leaned forward and kissed Xander gently.

Xander noticed that Spike was still hard. He hesitantly reached out, and then looked to Spike for permission. "Yeah, pet. You can touch me." He ran his hand up and down the silken hardness, and found his mouth watering. He remembered the feel of the cool cock in his mouth, and wanted it again. "Can I... I want to suck you." Blue eyes caught his, and Xander swallowed. "Please, may I suck you?"

"Yes, pet. You may." Spike leant back on the bed, propped up on a pillow so he could watch his boy pleasure him. Xander began by licking and sucking Spike's nipples, and then licked his way down his body, moving himself until he was between the vampire's legs. He took the cock between his lips, licking the end with his tongue, before opening his mouth wider and lowering his head, sucking and swallowing around the throbbing length. Something he remembered reading a long time ago drifted through his mind, and he thought he might give it a try. He wanted to make this really good. He released the dripping cock and sat back on his heels. He bent Spike's legs up, and began licking his balls, taking them into his mouth and sucking gently. A deep groan told him he was doing it right. Xander then moved lower, licking the skin under the balls, and then lower still. The 'eww' factor tried to kick in, but Xander ruthlessly suppressed it. Vampires don't breathe, or use the bathroom, he told himself fiercely.

He licked down and around Spike's hole, and a deeper moan and a muttered 'fuck, yeah' told him to keep going. Spike dug his feet in and raised himself up slightly to give Xander better access. Xander used his hands to spread the cheeks, and then licked and teased Spike's anus, pushing his tongue in, just a little. Spike arched up and gasped, so he did it again, pushing in a bit further. He began to slowly fuck Spike with his tongue. He found he could get his tongue further and further in as the muscles loosened a little. He started to tire after a few minutes, and regretfully pulled out, giving the hole a kiss before licking his way back up, sucking on the balls again and then deep throating Spike. He sucked hard, swirling his tongue on the places he liked himself, and bobbing his head up and down, faster and faster. He slipped a finger into the loosened hole, and stroked the silken lining, looking for the magic spot. He felt Spike stiffen and arch off the bed, so he kept rubbing at the same place. Suddenly he felt hands on his head, pushing him down. Xander tried to open his throat and sink as far down on the pulsing cock as he could as Spike began to pump his cum down his throat. He swallowed every drop, and then licked Spike clean. He crawled up the bed and lay beside Spike, who rolled on top of him, kissing him deeply, his tongue roaming in Xander's mouth as though trying to taste everything that Xander had. "That was fucking fantastic, pet. Where the hell did you find out about rimming?"

"Just something I read, Spike."

"Did some useful research, eh, pet?" chuckled Spike. Xander was hard again from sucking Spike, but sleep was a more pressing need. Spike pulled the quilt over them, and they drifted off to sleep again.

When Xander next awoke it was to a room flooded with daylight, which confused him for a moment until he remembered the complex lighting system. He found his watch, and saw that it was 9.15 a.m. Spike was gone, but he heard noises that sounded like plates and cups rattling around. "Go and have a shower, pet, and then come and have breakfast," called Spike. Xander had given up wondering how the vampire seemed to know exactly what he was doing at any given time, and went to have a very welcome shower.

*****

He walked into the kitchen to find Spike dishing up bacon and eggs. He stood gaping, watching the vampire pour coffee, and butter toast.

"You catching flies or something?" said Spike with a grin. Xander snapped his mouth shut and sat down at the kitchen table.

"This looks great, Spike. I didn't know you could cook."

"It's only bacon and eggs, pet. Not exactly Cordon Bleu now, is it? Anyway, eat up before it goes cold." Spike sat opposite Xander, dunking his toast in his blood. He saw Xander watching him with a grimace of distaste on his face.

"Get used to it, pet. This is how I like it." Xander looked back down and concentrated on his own breakfast. When they'd finished eating, he helped Spike load up the dishwasher, and then they sat down again with another cup of coffee.

"OK pet, time for more talking. I'm sure there's things you want to know, and there's some things I have to say." Xander sighed on hearing Spike's words, and Spike looked at him sharply.

"The rest of the world hasn't gone away, and we're gonna have to leave the apartment sooner or later, pet."

"Yeah, I know. It's just... This is like a dream, Spike, and I'm afraid it'll all fall to pieces, y'know?"

"It's not a dream, Xan. But yeah, there are things we're going to have to deal with, and some of them aren't gonna be easy. No need to jump in the deep end straight off though, is there? Come with me." Spike stood up and walked into the bedroom, and Xander followed. Spike walked over to the large walk in closet, and gestured to the left.

"All the clothes here will fit you. They were bought for you, and you will wear them from now on. If I see another Hawaiian shirt on your back, I will set fire to it, whether you have time to get out of it or not." Xander saw hangers full of shirts, trousers, jeans, jackets, a couple of suits, a black leather duster, and more shoes and boots than he had ever owned in his entire life. Spike opened drawers, one after the other, showing Xander socks, t-shirts and shorts. Xander turned to Spike and said, "Um... all the clothes are really great, Spike, thank you. I've never had so many things in my life. But there's no, um, boxers, or briefs, y'know."

"I know, pet. Like I said, there are things I need to tell you about how our life together will be. It's still very early days yet, and I want to take things slowly. There will be rules, and this is one of them. You will not wear anything under your pants. At all. Ever. I have no intention of wrestling my way through layers of clothes when I want you. OK?"

Xander swallowed hard, and said, "Er, fine by me, yeah." Thoughts of Spike taking him, at any time, in any place, dancing through his brain and doing sparky things to his cock.

Spike pointed to the top drawer, which had a lock on it. He produced a small key-ring, unlocked the drawer then handed the keys to Xander.

"These are your keys. There's one for the apartment building, one for the utility cupboard and one for the apartment. There's also a key to this drawer." Spike opened the drawer, and Xander gasped.

"There must be thousands of dollars in there, Spike!" he said in shock.

"Yeah, that's yours. I have a key to this drawer. As you run low, I'll top it up. I know you want to do something useful with your life, and you will, but no more shit jobs just to scrape together a few bob, understand?"

"Er, yeah, but - what's a few bob?" Spike burst out laughing, and wrapped his arm around Xander's shoulder. "Money, love," he said, "something I don't want you to ever have to worry about again, got it?" Spike turned, and placed his hands on Xander's shoulders so he could stare into his eyes. "You're not stupid, pet. You're not weak. You're not the Zeppo or the donut boy. You've let other people dictate what you are, and that's going to stop. And no," he said, seeing Xander opening his mouth as though to interrupt, "that doesn't include me. I've made you an offer and you accepted it. What we do is consensual. I'm talking about others that use you for their own benefit. I'm not going to tell you what to do with your life, but I am going to help you find out what you want, and do everything I can to enable you to achieve it. Buried under all the crap that's been heaped on you, pet, is a strong, independent person. I'm gonna give you a hand digging him out, that's all."

Xander stared, and slowly shook his head. "I don't understand, Spike. I'm just a... You said it yourself, you said I was submissive all the time. I'm not what you think I am..." his voice trailed away miserably. Spike felt a lump forming in his throat. He wanted to personally drain every bastard who'd ever mistreated his boy. He wrapped his arms around him, and kissed him. He then led him to the bed, and sat them both down, still holding Xander.

"Xander, listen to me. Are you listening?" Xander nodded, but kept his face buried in Spike's neck. "When I said that, I was talking about the way you'd been dismissed by so many people that you automatically submitted to their wishes, hoping they'd accept you. That is what will change. As far as our relationship is concerned, yes, you are submissive. Yes, you need a strong master. But recognising that, and choosing to act on it is a very hard thing to do. Only a strong person can make that sort of decision. You had plenty of opportunities to back out, but you stuck by your choice. That shows inner strength. Even though you know this decision is gonna cause a world of problems, you still stuck by it. Choosing to submit to someone else is something only a strong person can do. Surviving all the shit that's happened in your life shows me just how strong you are. And if you were only a weak, waste of human flesh, there's no way Angelus would have gone near you, let alone offered you to me. There's no pleasure in dominating the weak, Xander. The whole point is that a strong person submits to your will, by choice." By this time, Xander was sitting up straighter, and he caught Spike's eye. "You really think I'm a strong person?"

"I don't think it, pet. I know it. And seeing you on your knees before me is mindblowingly erotic because of it." Xander smiled, really smiled, and Spike sighed in relief. Getting Xander to believe in himself was the first obstacle to be overcome, and the most important. There was no way he would cope with the rest of the problems facing them if he didn't have a strong sense of his own self-worth.

"Now, you must have some questions, pet, so fire away," said Spike, releasing his hold on Xander and sitting round on the bed so he was facing him.

"Yeah. Um, I can really do anything I want? About work and stuff, I mean."

"There's no rush, pet. I'd rather you didn't get involved in anything for a while yet, as we still have so much to sort out here, but I've got the Internet hooked up on the computer in the study. You can start exploring, y'know, find out about things that have always interested you. Like I said, you're not stupid, and you might want to go to college, or do some courses or training or something. OK?"

"Wow, nobody's ever..." Xander shook his head, his smile absolutely dazzling the vampire.

Xander then took a deep breath, and looked Spike in the eye. "OK, I wanted to ask you about last night. You wanted me to drink your blood, and I did. Why?"

"Why did you drink it, or why did I want you to?"

"You know what I mean, Spike."

"How do you feel today, pet?"

"What? I feel fine." Xander looked confused at the seeming change of subject.

"No aches and pains? No soreness anywhere, feeling tired, drained?" Light began to dawn on Xander.

"Your blood. It does something to me." Statement.

"Yes, pet. Master's blood is very powerful stuff. Remember, I only let you drink a very small amount. It helps to heal you, makes you stronger, faster. It also strengthens the link between us. So I will feed you my blood from time to time, particularly if I've fed from you, and you will drink it, Xander." Xander nodded absently. Drinking the blood hadn't particularly bothered him, and he did feel really good this morning, only... "Does it do anything else, Spike?"

"No, not in the small quantities you'll have." And the tone of voice said 'end of conversation', so Xander searched for a change of subject, suddenly remembering the locked door he'd noticed on first looking around the apartment.

"What's behind the locked door, Spike? When you showed me around, you didn't mention it, and when I tried the handle, it was locked. Is it something I'm not supposed to know about?"

Spike looked at Xander carefully, then said, "It's a... playroom, I suppose. There are some things in there that we will use. I'd intended to tell you about it later on today, but I should have known your curiosity would get the better of you. I can show it to you now if you want, or you can get any other questions you have off your chest. Your choice." Xander was totally intrigued by the room now, but they needed to talk about Buffy and the others, so he ploughed on.

"Spike, I'm... I'm happier that I can ever remember being - you do know that, don't you?" Spike nodded, a small grin curving his lips. "But I can't help worrying about what's gonna happen with Buffy and Wills and stuff, y'know?"

"When are you supposed to be meeting them again?"

"Not until Monday. The girls are busy at college and Giles is doing something and..."

"...and nobody needed the donut boy while they were having fun, eh?" Spike could have kicked himself when he saw Xander's face fall at his words. He shuffled forwards on the bed and wrapped his arms around his boy. "Sorry, Xan, that didn't come out quite right. They've just started college, and they must have lots of things they need to do. I'm sure they'll want to see you..." But Xander cut him off. "No. No, you were right the first time, Spike. I love them, they're my friends. And I know they love me - it's just that I'm sorta left behind while they're off doing the new exciting study-type stuff. And I do understand. They don't mean to hurt me. But they do..." His last words were whispered, and Spike hugged him harder. Thoughtless, selfish, fucking humans!

"Yeah, well it suits us at the moment, so perhaps we should both be grateful they've got something new to occupy themselves while we sort things out, eh?" Xander visibly cheered, Spike was right - it did suit him.

"I never thought of it that way, but yeah, it is good isn't it?" And the smile was back, thank Christ.

"Today's Friday, so we've got the weekend to think about how we're gonna handle the Slayer. For now, let's not worry about it. That alright with you?" Xander nodded. He wasn't looking forward to what would probably be a very nasty confrontation, so he was happy to shelve it for the time being. "OK, then. Wanna go see the dun... playroom?"

*****

They stood outside the locked door, and Spike produced a key. "I'll unlock the room, and I will leave it unlocked from now on. There's a door in here that leads outside - a sort of emergency exit, should we need one. You use the apartment key you already have - it fits both doors." Spike walked in, and Xander followed. Soft lights illuminated the room, their entry obviously triggering some sort of automatic lighting system. As his eyes adjusted to the dim lighting, he looked around. He swallowed hard. "Whoa..." escaped his lips. Spike looked at him with concern. Fuck, he though, maybe it's too soon. "You OK, pet? We can leave it for now and lock it back up if you want..." And suddenly the blast of arousal hit him. Locking the room back up was not an option.

"Oh wow, Spike. This is..." Words failed Xander as his glance swept the room again. It was vast, and every bit of equipment he'd ever seen in - those - magazines seemed to be in the room. There were glass-fronted cabinets lining one of the walls holding all sorts of - things which Xander felt needed further investigation quite soon. There was a large four-poster bed in one corner, and an open door leading to a bathroom in the other.

"This room has been set up as a dungeon, albeit a very comfortable and discreet one," said Spike. "Very nice little earner this has been. But it's ours, yours if you want it, pet. Neither of us are into the heavy stuff, but there are lots of other things we can do in here."

Xander turned to Spike, grinning. "It's perfect, Spike, thank you." And kissed him soundly, looking like a kid on Xmas morning.

"There'll be rules in here, pet. As soon as you enter this room, you'll use the bathroom to clean and prepare yourself, and then you'll kneel here, in the centre of the room, and wait for me. You do not wear clothing of any description in this room unless it is something I choose for you. You will address me as Master or Master Spike, and you will not look at me, or speak, until given permission. Is that understood?" Xander was so hard he was surprised his zipper hadn't given way under the pressure. He nodded, swallowing to try and moisten his suddenly too-dry mouth.

"There's more, but that's the basics, pet." Spike headed towards the bathroom at the back of the room, and Xander followed. "This is where you'll get yourself ready for me. This room was specially designed, just for this purpose. There are nozzles there for cleaning yourself." Spike indicated a red tube with a nozzle at the end. "You use that one first, it dispenses warm, soapy water, and then the blue one, with warm, clean water." He turned to face Xander, who was staring at the nozzles, his face bright red. "You do know what I'm talking about, don't you, pet?"

"Er, yeah. It's just really embarrassing, y'know?"

"There's nothing to be embarrassed about, Xan. It's part of preparing yourself for your master's pleasure, and it's for your comfort too. Look at it that way, and you'll feel better about it, I promise you. You'll also need to get rid of some of your excess body hair. You get that caught in something, and you'll know all about it!" Spike had opened a large cupboard, and there were wax strips for hair removal, new tubes of lubricant, and several cockrings, made of different materials, from leather to metal.

"We'll do some waxing this afternoon, and when we first use the dungeon, I'll help you with everything else. After that, you should be able to manage on your own. You alright with that, pet?"

Xander stood gaping. He mouth opened and closed a few times, but words failed him.

"Xander, answer me," said Spike, in a tone that brooked no argument.

"Um... yeah. Sorry, Spike, just a lot to take in, y'know. Yeah, it's fine," he said, as he shook his head a little, trying to clear his fuzzy thoughts.

"This is why we're taking things slowly, Xan. You've read a lot about this stuff, but reading about it and living it are two entirely different things. You sure you're fine with all this?"

Xander put his hands on Spike's shoulders, and gazed into his eyes. "I want this, Spike. I want to please you. I love you. And just walking into the dungeon made me hard! Just going into overload a bit, that's all. Need to process, y'know? I kinda expected the cleaning out thing, but the waxing sort of threw me a bit, and then it just hit me... This is real, isn't it?"

So that was it - reality check time. Xander wanted, needed to be told.

Spike wrapped his arms around Xander's waist, keeping their gazes locked. "Yeah, pet, this is real. This is part of your life now. The things I will tie you down to are real. The chains, and the rope and leather restraints are real. The sling is real. The dildos and the clamps, the floggers and the whips - all real. The pain will be very real. The blood will be real. And the pleasure will be totally and completely real when I tie you down and fuck you til you scream." Xander shuddered, and ground his aching cock against Spike's equally hard erection.

"Oh fuck, Spike," he breathed. Spike could hear his heart pounding, his breathing was ragged, and his pupils dilated so far his eyes look like black pools. Spike slammed Xander against the wall, hard, and plundered his mouth. They ground against each other, pillaging each other's mouths until Xander cried out and came in his pants. Spike came shortly afterwards, and they collapsed against each other, leaning weakly against the wall.

"Wow," said Xander, breathlessly, "and that was just talking about it." Spike grinned sheepishly. "Yeah. I think we need to go take a shower. Good opportunity to show you how the waxing works, too." He picked up a couple of boxes of strips, and led the way out. "You can come back and explore later, if you want. But after today, you'll need to go through the whole preparation routine whenever you enter this room, even if it's only to do some cleaning and tidying, understand?"

Spike spun around suddenly and headed for the door again. "C'mon, pet. Let's have a shower." Xander grinned and followed Spike to their bedroom, feeling distinctly uncomfortable in his sticky pants.

"Spike," he said, "can we..."

"Tonight, if you want, pet."

"It's a date," grinned Xander, stripping off his clothes and heading for the shower.

SECRETS AND DISCOVERIES