Spike’s Holiday Hunt 2
GOOD XANDER
HUNTING
by
EntreNous
“You want to hunt me? As my holiday gift to you?” Xander gasped incredulously.
Admittedly, he’d had no idea what Spike would ask for when
he’d given him full rein to choose his own present, but this possibility had
never entered his mind. He started backing up unawares, and nearly tripped over
a small plastic snowman that
Spike was gazing up at the night sky as he exhaled. “It’d be quite something. Never thought . . . had given up on getting this damn chip out of my head so long ago, that I . . . ” He dropped his head to gaze at Xander fondly. “It’d be the best present that I could hope for.”
Xander felt his heart skip a beat. Fear, it must be fear that was making that happen, he told himself. Spike came closer, his eyes set on Xander.
“But . . . the chip,” Xander exclaimed. He put his hand out to stop the vampire from invading more of his personal space. “You couldn’t hunt me, right?”
“Well, I couldn’t hurt you, I suppose. Can’t see what’d stop me from hunting you down like a wild boar, though. Though I wonder,” Spike began, but paused, and reached out to take Xander’s outstretched arm.
“What? What?!?” Xander wished that he could inch towards the front door. Spike’s hand had a firm hold, though, and the fact that that hand was moving lower on his arm was more than a little disconcerting.
People can see us, he reassured himself. There was the picture window, positioned to their left, with all of his friends in full view. Spike couldn’t try anything now, could he? Besides, he hadn’t agreed to this crazy scheme of Spike’s.
“I wonder if it -- the chip -- would fire off if I, uh, well . . . caught you . . . in this type of situation.” Spike’s hand had reached Xander’s, and he turned it palm up, stroking the center thoughtfully.
“Huh?” Xander choked out. His eyes were frozen on Spike’s elegant hand. Spike’s fingers were etching intricate designs on his palm.
“I mean, if you were to give your permission to me, perhaps I could hurt you just a bit without getting my head zapped! That’d be fantastic!” Spike looked wide-eyed and gleeful at this thought. He drew Xander’s hand closer, and Xander followed in a daze. They were a few inches apart now.
Xander shook himself. He started to back up in earnest.
“No. No and no. I don’t trust that ‘just a bit’ part. What’s to keep you from draining me dry if I agree to let you hurt me a little? And I’m not agreeing to bites of any kind!”
Spike looked Xander up and down, and licked his lips hungrily. “Well, you say that now, pet, but -- ”
“Aaaaarrgggghhhhh!!!” Xander yelped, and scrambled for the front door.
************
“So now Xander’s about to trip . . . oh, he caught himself just in time,” Dawn reported to the others.
“What do you think is going on out there?”
“Hmmm,”
“Now Spike is grabbing Xander’s arm,” Dawn narrated cheerfully. “I wonder . . . oooh, look, he took Xander’s hand. That’s cute! Why’s he doing that, Buffy?”
Even Giles roused himself at that, and soon everyone was watching the two men outside. The scene was unmistakably a romantic one. They all exchanged glances that communicated their confusion at what they saw.
Dawn ignored the knowing looks and happily continued to provide a running commentary.
“Wow. Xander can’t take his eyes off Spike’s hand. He probably feels all fluttery,” Dawn concluded. “Do you think that Spike is asking Xander out? I mean, he did get him that super nice present. He probably has the hots for him. Xander is a cutie. And Xander totally owes him now. Big time.”
“Come on,” Buffy said impatiently. “Spike isn’t asking Xander out.” She gestured toward the couple outside lamely, frowning at Spike’s unusual interest in Xander’s palm. “Right, Will?”
“Hey, I wonder,” Dawn ruminated out loud into the strained silence, “What’s the rule on putting out in proportion to the significance of the holiday present? I mean, I know what’s supposed to happen when a guy takes you to a movie, or out to dinner . . . ” Dawn pulled up short in the midst of her chatter to find Buffy listening carefully.
“What happens?” Buffy asked, her eyes narrowing.
“Um. You can let him hold your hand?” Dawn improvised. Buffy looked skeptical.
“Looks like Xander and Spike are past the hand-holding
stage,”
“Good lord,” Giles said, taking off his glasses and rubbing them with one of the new chamois cloths that Xander had given him (the magenta one).
“I’ll see you that Good Lord, and raise you a Holy Moly,”
Buffy squinted in confusion at the two men. The two of them were getting awfully cozy out there.
“Hey,” Dawn said excitedly, “check it out. Xander’s about to freak.”
That was when Xander yelped and came clattering through the front door.
He stopped and faced the gang. “Help,” he croaked out, and then keeled over onto the floor.
***************************
When Xander came to, there were five people and one vampire standing over him with concerned faces.
“Oh, good, he’s not dying,” Spike remarked, a relieved look on his face. “It’d be a shame to have a hunt end so quickly.”
“Spike, for the last time, you cannot hunt Xander.” Buffy enunciated each word with biting clarity.
Well, at least it sounded like Spike had filled them in on what was happening. Xander wasn’t sure he could explain it without getting all woozy again.
“But he said,” Spike piped up sadly.
“I said no such -- I didn’t agree to your request,” Xander protested.
Spike’s face fell. His bottom lip quivered just a bit.
“Oh great going, Xander,” Dawn shot out. “Now look what you’ve done.”
“What I’ve done!” Xander murmured indignantly. He let his head hit the floor again with a thunk.
“Now, now. Everyone calm down.”
“
“Don’t want it,” Xander said weakly from the floor.
“I’m not saying we should let Spike hunt Xander down and
kill him,”
Everyone fell silent.
“All right, Red,” Spike assented. “Let’s have ourselves a talk.” The two of them disappeared upstairs, apparently headed for Willow’s study.
Tara cleared her throat and turned back to the group.
“Okay!” she said brightly, anxious to get everyone’s attention off the topic of the hunt. “Who wants pie?”
“Me,” Xander said forlornly, still in a heap on the floor
“That’s it, you’re fine,” Buffy pronounced, and hauled Xander to his feet. “If you can eat pie at a time like this, you can’t be overly wigged.”
“The pie helps me not wig,” Xander contradicted her. “And if I want to continue to stand upright, I’m going to need to eat a lot of pie.”
“Sure thing,” Tara agreed, steering him back into the dining room.
“Good idea,” Dawn whispered to Buffy. “Get him all fattened up for Spike’s hunt.”
******
After the group had demolished a chocolate pecan pie, a pumpkin pie, and a crumb-topped apple-cranberry pie, Spike stalked back into the room. He glared at the empty plates, dirtied with crumbs and pooled with melting vanilla ice cream.
“Red wants to see you,” he said gruffly to Xander and sank into one of the empty seats.
“Gosh,” Tara whispered doubtfully to Giles, as Xander braced himself, walking up the stairs like a prisoner headed to his execution. Spike watched him go, and then dropped his head onto the table with a bang.
“Are you okay? Spike?” Dawn tapped the vamp on the shoulder tentatively.
Buffy shrugged. “He’s fine, aren’t you, Spike? Um, aren’t you?” Concern crept into her voice.
Spike was shaking, his head down on the table, a funny muffled noise emerging from his throat.
“Spike?” Giles inquired gently.
Then the muffled sound became clearer, and Spike raised his head, rocking back and forth with laughter.
“Bloody marvelous,” he said loudly, bringing his fist down hard on the table, and smirking at them all.
*****
Xander poked his head around the corner of Willow’s study.
“Sit down, Xander,” she said officiously.
“Um, ‘kay,” he replied nervously. This was starting out like a job interview.
Willow looked at him levelly.
“Spike got you something very thoughtful for the holidays.”
“Yes,” Xander agreed readily. That much was without dispute.
“And you offered to give him something in return,” she went on. “Something that would stand him in similar stead to the present that he provided you with. Something that would give him back something that he had lost.”
“Yes,” Xander said softly. “I did want to do that for him.”
“But I think, and I imagine that you’ll readily agree, that a physical, blood-sport hunt, possibly ending in your death, is not the solution to this. I hardly see the point of Spike giving you such a thoughtful present and then killing you a few days later.”
Xander breathed a sigh of relief. This was Willow, after all, his best friend from forever. Obviously she wouldn’t let anyone hunt him down. But up until that moment he hadn’t been sure what she would say about this. The presentation of the ID bracelets, his and Jesse’s, had brought myriad emotions to the surface. He knew that she would similarly experience the feeling that somehow, he had to give something Spike that would match the significance of the long-lost objects. But thank god that something didn’t have to involve him running like a rabbit through Sunnydale.
“However,” Willow went on, “I have come up with a solution that will allow you to do something for Spike. Mind, he won’t hurt you physically in any way. And it will last for four days, just like the proposed hunt.”
“What is it?” Xander asked with raised eyebrows.
Willow’s calm demeanor and adult tone broke down suddenly.
“The thing of it is, I can’t so much tell you that part. But it’ll be okay!” she promised, hurriedly moving on. “Now, part of the main element of a traditional hunt is surprise. When will the hunter get the prey, how will he take it down, and all that stuff. So that part stays, and because of that element in the equation, you can’t know exactly what it is that’s going on. But on the bright side, no pain, no drainage, right?” she concluded hopefully.
Xander shook his head slowly. “I don’t get it. How can I be doing something for Spike if I don’t know what it is? And are you sure he can’t hurt me? This won’t all end in my sudden and untimely death?”
“Nope,” Willow said firmly. “No killing, no maiming, not even a little spraining. I got him to agree to those terms easily when I explained my idea to him.”
“So Spike knows what’s going on,” Xander said slowly. “And I don’t. But whatever it is, it only lasts for four days.”
“Right,” Willow said hesitantly. “Just one more thing. Do you have vacation these next four days? Because you need to be, um, around. Not at work that is.”
“Yeah, the whole crew has two weeks off for Christm--,” Xander said, and then stopped. “Why?”
“Just the thing going on with your present to Spike,” she said offhandedly. “No big. You can do whatever you want the next couple of days. You just can’t have any firm commitments, so work is out. But go about your business, have fun, relax, and it’ll be over before you know it.”
Xander sighed. Spike had some kind of plan that involved him -- not necessarily a thought to make with the happiness. But Willow had laid out the terms, and he trusted her. Four days, he reminded himself. What could possibly happen in four days that would be so bad?
“Okay,” he nodded. “I’ll do it. Uh, whatever it is.”
Willow’s nose crinkled as she grinned at him. “Don’t worry Xander. You’ll be fine. And if everything goes well, you might even like it.”
Xander looked at her blankly, and then raised his hands in defeat. “I’m not asking any more questions. But I am taking off to go get some sleep. Whatever this is, I guess I want to be on my game.”
“Sure,” Willow agreed, rising from her chair when he did. As he stepped towards the door, she caught him suddenly in a tight squeeze. Xander hugged back, a little confused. Oh well. Confused was probably going to be the state of mind du jour until this was all over.
“Hey Will?” he asked, pulling back. “Do I get to find out what’s happening after it’s over? I mean, this there isn’t going to be some kind of mind-wipe at the end, or some continued conspiracy to keep me in the dark?”
“Oh, no,” she assured him. “You’ll probably figure it out somewhere along the way, but if not, I’ll be happy to explain everything to you when the time comes.”
Xander sighed and stomped down the stairs. He was pretty sure that he didn’t want to know why Willow’s eyes appeared to be sparkling with pleasure over this craziness.
“Uh, bye!” he waved at everyone with false cheer, and darted out the front door. Whatever was going on, maybe he’d start figuring it out tomorrow.