POWER OF GOODBYE
by fanbot
Notes

Spike leaned back against the hood of his car and blew out a plume of smoke. He ignored the woman who shot him a dirty look and shooed away her children. Spike sighed. No one smoked any more, causing him to have to roll his own again. Disinterestedly, he watched the crowd as it milled around, reflecting on how such things never change. People always needed reasons to gather, even if they had to make them up. The way people moved, talked, and tugged on tired children never changed. Only the wares being hawked out of wagons.

The hot thing this year was a little electronic device that would call up a song from out of the ether and play it when you sang a bit of it into a little microphone. There were more expensive versions out there, but these were only a couple of dollars, day-glow in color, only played one unchangeable song, and were useless once the short-lived battery ran down. As expected, some silly bugger had capitalized on the event and written a ballad about “The Sinking of Sunnydale.” The tinny little speakers on the toys tinkled the tune from all around him. It had no mention of the heroic sacrifices of a handful of young girls and an ensouled vampire. Being so exposed to the damned thing, he had no choice but to rewrite it in his head.  Maybe he’d put out a pirate version. Deftly, he rolled another cigarette by touch and absently lit it, composing his corrected lyrics about strong young slayers and a handsome vampire in black leather.

Another family so much like the one that had passed him earlier with the mother shooing her children that Spike worried for a second about a time loop. He saw no reason to leave the parking lot and go into the thick of the celebration. He could see the whole crater from here and the fireworks as well. Plus, he did not want to leave his vintage ’04 Red Viper to the mercies of strangers. The little car with its necro-tempered windows had served him well these past nine years.

Spike sneered as the T-shirt vender passed him again. “I Survived Sunnydale!” was written across the shirts in lurid bright colors. Spike was tempted to buy one just so he could add the words “three times” to it.

As Spike looked down into the crater, missing the clean simplicity of it when it wasn’t filled with things like the Crater Center Café, he became aware of being studied. This didn’t surprise him. He was from Sunnydale, after all, and a handsome man. Although he wouldn’t quite admit to himself, he had come here in hopes of seeing same particular people, long lost track of. He wasn’t receiving any hostile vibes, so he casually turned to study the crowd where the energies were centered. Maybe it would be an old friend. Maybe it would be a pretty girl and he’d get lucky tonight. Maybe he’d just find a meal.

Spike froze when a thin figure leaning on a cane met his eyes with his one brown one. The vampire straightened, dropping his cigarette as recognition hit him. “Harris…” he said softly.

Discovered, Xander turned and tried to vanish into the crowd, but Spike easily caught up with him, stopping him with a hand on his shoulder. Inwardly, he winced at the lack of meat on the bone. “Where you going, Pet?” he asked, sounding more cheerful than he felt.

Xander stiffened, and wouldn’t turn or look at him. “Spike. Hi. I… I…”

Spike refused to mention Xander’s condition. The scents of sickness rolled off the boy and he trembled under Spike’s hand. Spike steeled himself to not act any way but like someone who had run into a friend they saw just last week, despite it having been ten years. “You had enough of this crowd?” he asked quietly.

Xander stood silently for all of half a minute before slumping. Spike didn’t turn away. Spike wasn’t shocked or degusted at how he looked. Xander wouldn’t allow himself hope for anything more, but the relief at having connected with someone washed through him. And God, yes, did he want out of the crowd. “Yeah. Too many people. Too loud.”

“Come sit in my car. We’ll talk a minute.”

Shortly, Xander was settled into the leather seat and cooing over the fancy car. Spike pointed out the warming seats and proudly recited the statistics of his toy as Xander got comfortable and closed his eye. Soon, the man was asleep.

Spike took the opportunity to study him. Xander was neatly dressed. Once well-tailored clothes now hung off his bony frame. The once lush hair was lank and thin, sturdy shoulders now slumped, and his skin was pale. The sickness was all through him. Spike knew he was in the final stages of something. Africa, Spike deduced.

This boy, no, man had been his friend. He had denied it, but Xander was the one person he’d lost that he most wanted to find again.

The sudden percussion and flair of a firework made Xander sit up and look around, confused.

Spike wiped away the tear, which had made its way down his face and gently laid a hand on Xander’s shoulder. “Xander? Pet? It’s the fireworks. You’re okay.”

Xander blinked up at the gunpowder stars and round at the car’s interior before his eye settled on Spike. “I must’ve fallen asleep. I’m sorry.”

Spike gently squeezed the shoulder under his hand. “Don’t worry about it. Are you hungry, Pet?”

“Never.” Xander scrubbed at his face with thin hands.

“Do you want to go somewhere quieter and talk? I’ve got a room in the next town.”

Xander barked a dry laugh, watching the fireworks. “First time you see me in ten years and the first thing you do is ask me back to your room. How pathetic are you?”

“Pretty damn, actually.” Xander turned to look at him. “Actually, I’m just bored.”

Xander laughed again at the use of the old code word. “I’m sorry. I can’t do a thing to relieve your boredom, Spike. I haven’t the strength.”

“Let me put it this way. I want to get out of here before the fireworks end and I have to fight the crowd and maybe get my baby dented. Do you want to come with me?”

Xander looked into the steady blue eyes and found no mocking or pity there. Xander shrugged. “Sure. I’m bored, too. My car is near the sign. If I can grab something out of it…”

“Of course.” He swiftly found Xander’s car and watched with sympathy as Xander painfully climbed out of the Viper and retrieved a backpack from a battered blue Ford. Spike popped the trunk, Xander put the backpack away, settled into the car, and they were away before the final volley sounded, leaving the open grave of Sunnydale behind them forever.

On the drive through the dark, featureless dessert, they talked of friends lost, made, and missing. Occasionally, Xander would fall asleep for ten minutes at a stretch, and those times Spike just drove silently. Spike filled in Xander about his adventures with Wolfram & Hart and the aftermath. They arrived at the hotel, parked in the underground garage, and Spike shouldered the backpack, leading Xander to the elevator with a supportive hand on his elbow.

The hotel was lush, and the suite large. Spike commented that he was told Mick Jagger and Sting had both stayed in his room, though not at the same time.

Xander wandered around the suite, took in the flat screen television, the voice activated sound system, the huge marble tub, and the more than king sized bed. “How are you paying for this?”

“I have plenty of money now, Xander. It’s not a worry.”

“You have money? How?”

“It’s true. All from Wolfram & Hart. You see, I spent several months as a ghost with nothing to do but listen and watch, unseen. When W & H fell, I looked up a number of key figures in the community and told them what I knew. A couple of rounds of blackmail later, I go around and kill them all, taking more dosh in the process. I’m rich and the earth is free of a handful of the most evil beings you can imagine.”

“You’re shitting me!”

Spike smirked. “Maybe about the killing part. Don’t want to make too many enemies.”

Spike bustled about, settled Xander comfortably on the couch, and ordered up some room service over Xander’s protests. They chatted more about Sunnydale and old times until the food arrived.

Xander was firmly placed before a bowl of soup that smelled so good he was compelled to eat it. Another half an hour of chat passed before Xander answered all Spike’s unasked, unhinted questions.

“I know you wonder what’s wrong with me. How could you not?” Xander said suddenly into his soup. “I went to Africa three times, Spike. The first time I just wanted to run away. I wanted an entire new life. I got all the shots, learned all the rules, and went to gather Slayers. I was there three months that first time, and I couldn’t wait to get out. Back in England, I couldn’t wait to return. The second time I was there for three years. I can speak four native dialects, Spike. I’ve seen ceremonies that National Geographic doesn’t know about. I made friends. And family.” Xander pushed up a sleeve to reveal a band of tribal tattooing, dark against his pale skin. “I had to leave when… when Buffy died. I had to be there for Dawn. But as soon as I could I went back.”

“I’m sure you’ve heard about the unrest there. It’d been boiling for years. Finally, I had to leave. I had to get out or some racist would kill me. On the last day, on my way to the airport, some mother fucker with a knife ran through the crowd, cutting every white person he passed.” Xander pulled up his shirt to show a thin white scar across his ribs.

“The whole time I was there I was good. I kept my dick to myself and kept myself clean. But that one punk with a dirty knife infected fifteen people that day. That was four years ago.” Xander tucked his shirt back in and sipped his wine with a shaking hand.

“I thought there were cures.” Spike said softly.

“Oh, for the original brand-name AIDS, sure. This is some demented mutation that takes maybe ten years to kill you. It’s got some damned cute alphabet name, too, but I don’t know it. This strain sucks your energy and your health, but leaves enough so you can… live.” Xander barked a laugh. “Live. Right. I can’t get around very well. I can think just fine. My mind is clear, but I have to sleep all the damn time.  I have zero appetite and have to take handfuls of vitamins every day. One day I'll go to sleep and never wake up. And… and I can’t even kiss anyone, Spike.” He looked in his old friend’s eyes, grateful for the caring there. “They tell me it shouldn’t transmit, but they don’t know. They’ve been wrong in the past. And I don’t want to hurt anyone I’d care enough to kiss.”

Spike felt wrung to his very soul by the man across from him. He had read about the new plague and had wondered at the time when this age of man would end, and if he wanted to hang around to watch.

“So, yeah. I’ve been in touch with everyone I could find lately. I told them I couldn’t get my computer’s camera to work so I just sent them pictures of Africa and watched them smile. They don’t know. They’re all happy, Spike. They’re finally healing after Buffy’s death. Redeath? Vacation?”

“Too bad she’s not a cat. She’d have six more lives.” They shared a smile over Buffy’s memory.

“I guess that’s why I went to Sunnydale tonight. The old full-circle thing.” Xander pushed a bit of cracker around in the dregs of his soup.

“So what will you do now, Pet?” Spike asked after a silence.

Xander sighed. “I don’t know. Drive home. Stare at the sea. Wait to die.”

“Sounds boring.” Spike said, cocking a brow at Xander.

“Oh, I’m sure it will…” Xander trailed off as it sunk in Spike had used their old code word. “What?”

“Madonna has changed her style how many times the last ten years?”

Xander grinned a ghost of his old grin. “At least four.”

“I still think ‘Ray of Light’ is her best album.”

“I have to agree with you there.” Xander suddenly looked away, his smile fading. “Those were good times, Spike. If things had been different, I sometimes wonder…”

“Xander. What do you want most?” Spike asked, his voice soft.

“Don’t ask me such a thing, Spike.” His voice was biting. “I don’t want anything you can give me. You can’t give me a cure. You can’t give me a chance to have children. You can’t… you can’t give me love.”

Spike did not deny Xander’s statement about love, though his soul howled a protest. “I may not be able to give you those things, but I am willing to give you everything within my power to make you, if not happy, then comfortable.”

Xander looked suspiciously at the vampire. “But why?”

Spike shrugged, “You put me up on at least two occasions. We were something like friends, at the end. You’re a hell of a good shag.” He was pleased to see Xander start to smile. “I’ve got a king sized bed here.” He quirked an inviting brow at Xander who was starting to smile really big. “Plus, I’m bored. I was thinking about getting a pet.” 

Tears spilled down Xander’s face, even over the corners of his smile. Spike sat by him on the couch, put his arm around his boy, and pulled him close. “I don’t want to live like I am, Spike,” Xander said quietly. “I don’t want to be alone. I don’t want to be a burden on anyone. And I am. Some days I can barely get out of bed. Lately, the past week, it’s gotten so much worse. They want me to come in for tests, but I just don’t give a damn. I just threw a few things in the car and drove. I wanted to see the crater again.” He lowered his head to Spike’s shoulder. “And I don’t want to live with the fear I could kill someone with a kiss.” 

Gently, Spike tilted up Xander’s face and kissed away the tears on his cheek, working his way down to the boy’s trembling lips. “It takes a lot more than that to kill me, Pet. Some little bug can’t bite me.” He kissed Xander a little harder, feeling his boy respond before pulling away. “Let me help you.”

“Spike?” Xander said, a world of hope and puzzlement in one word.

“Shh, Pet. Hear me out. Stay here with me, for a day or two. Less, if it suits you. We’ll talk and watch the free cable porn if the mood strikes. Room service is wonderful and we don’t have to leave until we feel like it. Hell, we can Howard Hughes this place if we want. Become recluses. I’ve got the money, it’s no problem.”

Xander cut in with a protest. “I just told you I’m…”

“Dying. I heard you. I know you never planned on going home, too.” Xander opened his mouth again, but Spike kissed it shut. “I’ve been around, Pet. I can read people. So my offer is this; stay here, with me, with no strings. If you decide after one day to fight this thing and live out the rest of the time you have left, you’ll have no money worries. If you want me around, you’ll not be alone. If, after that same day, you want to die, I’ll do everything I can to make it easy for you. And you’ll not be alone in the end.”

Tears were running freely down Xander’s thin face. “Thank you, Spike.”

“I haven’t done anything yet, Pet.”

“Just the offer. You Big Non-bad. Since I got sick, people shy away from me. And I shy away from them. I’ve… I’ve been so lonely.”

“I wish I had known. I’ve been lonely, too.” Xander caught sight of a tear running down the sharp angle of Spike’s cheekbone before the vampire pulled away and tidied up the room service trolley. “Now. What do you want to do?”

Xander sighed, tired again. “A bath would be wonderful, but I’d fall asleep.”

“Can’t have you drowning now, can we?” Spike asked with a bit of the old sarcasm. “Let me make a call to the wonderful room service and we’ll see to it.” Xander leaned back on the comfortable sofa and fell asleep watching the vampire chat animatedly on the phone.

Among other things, Spike called the front desk to extend his stay indefinitely although he suspected it might not be more than a few days. He also took advantage of the five star status and ordered some pajamas and clothes for himself and the boy. Quietly, he logged on to the internet from his laptop and sent a few messages out. The one or two people in this world who cared about him deserved to know where he was and what was going on.  He got supportive replies from three of the four messages. He smiled, knowing the fourth was likely sound asleep.

A soft knock sounded, and Spike dealt swiftly and efficiently with the bell hop. He tipped the boy generously and locked the door behind him.

+++

Spike stripped and stepped into the tub, holding out his hands to Xander, who gaped at him. “What? You’ve seen me naked before. Come on. It’s a huge tub and I can wash your hair easier from behind you.”

Shaking his head, Xander nonetheless took Spike’s hand and allowed him to help him into the tub. It was indeed a huge tub, with plenty of room for Spike to sit behind him, his legs on either side of Xander. With a little coaxing, Spike got his boy to lean back against him. Spike washed the thinning hair and Xander leaned into the attention like a cat. Spike took a soft cloth, some lightly scented bath gel, and absently started washing what parts of Xander he could reach. It wasn’t long before his efforts paid off and Xander relaxed completely against him.

“I’ve not had a bath this nice in forever,” Xander sighed. “I’ve been afraid of drowning.” He rubbed his head back against Spike’s shoulder. “The only thing missing is music.”

“What do you want to hear, Pet?”

“Well, how about some of our music?”

Spike smiled. “Radioradio,” he said clearly. A panel on the wall chimed. “Play Madonna. Entire album. ‘Ray of Light.’ Original release.”

They listened to the familiar tune, and when the second song came on Spike sang softly along in Xander’s ear.

            Put your head on my shoulder baby/ things can’t get any worse

            Night is getting colder, sometimes…

            Life feels like it’s a curse

Xander shifted in the bath and froze at a touch on his back. “Spike? Are you… hard?”

“Yeah, Pet, I am. I remember how much fun we had.” He kissed Xander’s ear.

“But, Spike…”

“Shhh.” Spike pulled Xander back against his chest and ran his hands over him. “Don’t worry, Pet. I enjoy feeling hard. I’m enjoying having a reason to be hard. I don’t have to get off every time that happens. Relax, be here with me.”

Slowly, Xander resumed leaning against Spike and relaxed again. Occasionally, Spike would gently thrust his hips against Xander. “How do you do that?”

“Do what?” Spike kissed his ear again.

“Make me feel sexy even when I look like I do?”

“Because you’re you, Pet. You’ve always gotten me… aroused.”

Absently, Xander ran his hands over Spike’s legs under the water. Spike purred and Xander stopped. “Sorry.”

“Why’d you stop, Pet?”

“Cause I don’t want to tease you, Spike.”

“Then you can just watch me get myself off.”

“Spike!”

“Okay, I’ll wait until you’re asleep.”

“If you keep saying things like that, I’ll never sleep again.”

+++

Spike scooped Xander out of the tub and wrapped him in one of the fluffy white robes provided by the hotel. He sat Xander on the couch and let him choose from a selection of Hugh Hefner like pajamas the vamp had room service bring up and detag. He chose flat black with a pattern of glossy black dragons for himself and a jewel blue for Spike to set off his eyes.

Spike dried his hair and helped him dress. Without asking, Spike climbed into bed with his boy and wrapped his arms around him. For the first time in what felt like years, Xander fell asleep with a smile on his face.

The one day mark came and went with neither man remarking on it. They lived without awareness of date or time. Both were marked only by the regular tide of the maid service and paced by pay-per-view movies.

+++

They touched almost all the time. When they curled on the couch to heckle some movie, one would play with the other’s hair, or stroke his back, the wardrobe of silk pajamas pleasant and cool. Once in a while they would kiss. Xander luxuriated in Spike’s full bottom lip and the talents of his tongue. These times Spike would grow hard, but Xander’s failing body refused him pleasure.

“Spike,” Xander said after the third such session. “I want to watch you.”

“Watch me what, Pet?”

“Masturbate. You’re so beautiful, Spike. I’ve always thought so.”

Spike smiled. “If it will make you happy.”

“It will. It very much will.”

Spike stood and unbuttoned the blue silk. Xander gasped as marble flesh was revealed. Teasingly, Spike ran a hand over his own chest, pausing to pinch a nipple as he looked only to Xander. He was the Sexual Predator of Xander’s long lonely dreams. The vamp let the top fall to the floor and turned in a slow circle. He wrapped his arms about himself and Xander watched long fingers play over rippling back muscles. His back still turned, Spike looked over his shoulder, and grinned a wolf’s grin. He hooked his fingers into the bottoms and slowly drew one side of the elastic down. He could hear his boy’s heart speed up as he revealed first one leanly muscled cheek, then the other. He turned around, and Xander grinned at the obvious obstacle, which kept the pants from going further. Biting his lip, Spike slowly slid a hand into the bottoms and wrapped a hand around himself.

“I want to see…” Xander breathed.

Smiling, Spike pulled out the elastic, worked the bottoms lower and let them drop. He slid a hand across and down his chest, and Xander was suddenly struck with memories of seeing the cocky Big Bad make this same gesture so many times in the past. Only this time, the hand didn’t stop with thumb caught on a denim loop. It slid on down over arched ribs, past belly button, and followed the trail of hair over rippled abs to comb into the nest of dark pubes. Spike breathed in sharply, his eyes still on Xander as he drew his fingers up to circle the base of his hard cock and cup his balls. “You like the show?” he purred.

“God, yes, Spike. You’re so fucking beautiful.”

Slowly, then ever faster, Spike worked his cock. Occasionally, he would lick his palm or moan aloud. His restless right hand tweaked his nipples, cupped his balls, and ran over his ass. Suddenly, his movements grew jerky, and he brought crystal blue eyes to fully bear on his audience. He moaned Xander’s name, dedicating his orgasm to him, as he shot ropes of cum across the floor. He stood magnificent, covered with a thin sheen of sweat, and panting as he coaxed the last drops from his cock, quivering in the aftershocks.

“Spike, look,” Xander said in the same quiet way one would point out a bunny to a small child. Spike looked to where Xander was pointing to his crotch to see a definite tenting.

“Want me to do something about that, Pet?” Spike asked, tilting his head.

“Move me to the bed and just… lay with me.” Spike did just that. Xander rolled to his side and drew a silk-clad leg over Spike’s calves. He pillowed his head on the vampire’s still chest, closed his eye, and thrust gently against the muscled hip. Spike kissed his head and purred. A tremor shook Xander and Spike felt the dampness spread against his hip, as his boy fell asleep in his arms.

+++

They spent hours talking about everything and nothing. Spike told of his adventures in Los Angeles, and afterwards. Xander spoke of Africa and the family he’d made there. He shared what he’d learned about the cave and the wish-granting demon. He told Spike how much he admired his courage and how sorry he was for how he had treated him. Spike confessed to watching out for him and all the Scoobies, even when they didn’t know he was around.

One night they talked about nothing but Buffy for four hours. They laughed, cried, and wound up kissing after Xander whined naughty sex details from the vampire.

A couple of times Spike repeated his show for Xander, but the boy’s body never responded again.

 +++

“Spike, aren’t you hungry?” Xander suddenly asked one day.

“No, Pet.”

“I just realized that I’ve not seen you eat. Well, other than room service.”

“I have some connections, Pet. I get deliveries when you sleep.”

Xander was disturbed. “When I… how much do I sleep, Spike? How bad…”

Spike was next to him, holding him in an instant. “It doesn’t matter, Love. You’re doing just fine.”

“Don’t you fucking lie to me!” Xander weakly pushed Spike away. “How bad is it? I know I’m weaker, but how much am I sleeping?”

“Two days last time, Love.”

“Two… fuck.”

“I’d love to, Pet,” Spike joked.

Xander looked into caring blue eyes. “You know all about it, don’t you? What’s killing me. You’ve looked it up on the internet.”

“Yeah, Pet. I have. I know it won’t be long now.”

“Damn. Just when… I thought I might want to hang around.”

“Yeah. I was thinking I might want to keep you.”

Xander leaned back into Spike’s arms and sighed. “Can we go for a walk? Well, maybe a carry. Or does your fancy hotel have a wheelchair?”

Spike smiled softly. “They do have one, but I’d rather carry you. This hotel has a lovely atrium that is full of trees and open to the sky. Round about midnight, we’ll go for a walk. Damn the eyes of any who look.”

For the first time in many days, Spike got dressed, taking out his favored wardrobe, and pulling on his old boots. “Where’s your coat?” Xander asked.

“In the closet.”

“I want you to wear it. I... I miss it.”

“Of course, Pet.” He went to the closet and came back adjusting the collar and running a hand over his hair. “I know my roots are a mess, but this’ll have to do.”

“There’s my Big Bad,” Xander smiled. Spike wrapped him in a warm robe and easily carried him down the hall to the elevator. An elderly couple in the hall gave them disdainful looks.

“Should I show ‘em my game face, Pet?” Spike whispered, making his boy giggle and look over Spike’s shoulder at the couple. He stuck his tongue out at them, then licked Spike’s ear. He giggled again as Spike shuddered in pleasure and the couple ducked quickly into their room.

Xander breathed in the cool air scented of moist earth and clipped grass.  “We should have done this a long time ago. I didn’t think…”

“It’s okay, Pet. We’re out here now.” Spike carried him to a secluded bench where they could see a good patch of stars and a crescent of moon through the trees.

Spike started to set him on the wooden bench, but Xander stopped him. “This is silly, but can I… I want to sit on your lap.”

Spike turned and settled Xander on his lap. Xander turned his face to the night air, then tucked it into Spike’s neck. He breathed in the long-treasured scent of leather, tobacco, blood, age, earth, and Spike. “I remember the corner in the Bronze where you dragged me and jerked me off. The whole space smelt of you, of this coat. I… I didn’t own anything made of leather before that, but I went out and bought a pair of soft gloves, like this. I wanted a coat, but that was all I could afford.” He fingered the collar of Spike’s coat. “I would touch myself with them and remember how this coat moved around you.”

“I like that, Pet.” He gently squeezed Xander closer. “To a vampire, the world is made of scents, and each person smells different. All I’ve had to carry with me is the memory of your scent. Oh, and…” Spike moved Xander away a little and reached inside his coat. Xander watched curiously as Spike’s hand immerged gently holding a much-worn and folded piece of lined notebook paper.

“What’s that?”

“The note you left me in the basement.” 

Xander looked in amazement at the vampire. “You kept it?”

“It helped me pull through, Pet. And when you … let me in. It was like you had absolved some of my sins. Maybe just some of my lesser, Sunnydale ones, but it eased the load.” Spike tucked the note back in its breast pocket. “It’s been near my unbeating heart since I got my coat back. Before that, it was in my back pocket.” He winked at Xander, looked up at he stars, and drew his boy close again. “When I was incorporeal, I would wonder about what was still in my pockets, if anything. I didn’t know how or why I had been brought back for the longest time. I just knew I was dressed like I had been. I couldn’t feel my self or my clothes, and I just kept wondering if your note was still there”

“Even more than your lighter?” Xander murmured into his collar.

“Even more, Pet.”

“You’re a softy.”

“Tell anyone and I’ll deny it.”

Xander blew a soft raspberry and fell asleep in Spike’s arms. The vampire sat there, listening to the weakening beat of Xander’s heart until the moon had vanished behind the buildings, then gently shook Xander awake.

“Hey, Pet. How about a bath and a dirty movie?”

“If the movie is good enough, we’ll need a second bath. Damn. I fell asleep, didn’t I?”

Spike hoisted Xander in his arms and stood. “Not for long.”

Once in the room and refreshed by a bath, Xander cuddled up on one end of the couch. “Do you want anything to eat, Pet?”

“Not really, but I’ll chew on a bagel with cream cheese to make you shut up.” Spike picked up the phone to call room service and Xander stopped him. “Wait, Spike. There’s something else I need, too.” He held out his hand to the vampire who joined him on the couch. “I need you to type up a document and get it printed for me. Then I need to sign it, with a witness other than you.”

“Updating your will, Pet?”

“Yeah, I am. I wrote it thinking I would be alone in the end. Now… now I’ve connected with someone and, if you would, I want you to be the executor of my will rather than the law firm I’ve hired.”

Spike drew him close and kissed him. “Of course I will.” Spike turned on his laptop and typed out the statement as Xander dictated it. In addition to adamants to his prior will, of which Xander had a copy, it contained a ‘forgiveness of aided death’ clause which had passed into law some three years earlier, naming a Mr. William Blooden as the one to be forgiven. A few calls to the front desk, and the document had been e-mailed, printed on the best stationary the office could find, then brought up by the manager and the assistant manager. The cynical side of Spike knew they just wanted to see their well-paying and reclusive guests for themselves, but another part was glad to be able to provide Xander the pomp and dignity he deserved. The managers were oh-so-polite and watched as Xander signed the paper before providing their own signatures. The document was notarized, coped, faxed to Xander’s law firm, and the original returned to Xander within an hour in a fine linen envelope.

Xander drooped on the couch. “Want me to tuck you in, Pet?”

“Spike. I’m afraid I won’t wake up.”

“I know, Pet,” he said, gathering the frail boy in his arms. “I know.”

“I… I want to do one more thing before I go.”

“What’s that, Love?”

“The one thing we never did.”

“Go bowling? I’d beat you for sure,” Spike joked, trying to not cry.

Xander tilted his head up and looked in his eyes. “I want to fuck you, Spike. I’ve never been with a man like that before, and I want to feel that, just once.”

“Oh, Pet.” Spike touched Xander’s cheek. “That would be… heavenly. But…”

“You never asked me how I was going to end it.”

“I didn’t want to know.” Spike said softly.

“I’m sure you’ve been through my back pack by now.”

“No, I’ve not. It’s yours and I’ve only gone into it when you’ve asked me to.” Spike had pulled out medicines, music discs, and photo albums at Xander’s request.

Xander smiled. “How the Big Bad has fallen.”

Spike stuck out his lip and pouted. “Hey!”

“Sez the vampire with dark roots holding me in his lap while wearing blue silk jammies.”

Spike lunged as if he was going to bite him, but only kissed his neck. “So how, then?” he asked into Xander’s shoulder.

“Viagra.”

Spike sat up. “What?”

“Little blue pills. I was going to go out with one last hurrah even if the fates tried to keep it from me. I’ve got a vid disc with all my favorite naughty scenes and pictures on it. They were going to find me dead with a smile, a wet spot, and naughty things playing in a loop.”

Spike laughed. “Oh, Pet. That’s beautiful!”

“I don’t need the disc,” Xander said softly, kissing Spike. “If you wear the coat.”

Spike returned the gentle kisses until Xander pulled away, hesitating. “You ready now, Pet?”

“Yeah, I am.” Xander directed him where to find the little foil twist of pills. Spike carried him to the bed, helped him out of his clothes, and brought him the pills with a glass of ice water.

As Xander swallowed, Spike striped off his pajamas and slipped in his coat. His lean pale frame was set off by the shine of old leather. Spike tamped down his sorrow, struck a pose, and looked at Xander with desire. “You sure you don’t want the naughty vids?” he asked wickedly.

Xander grinned at the image out of every secret fantasy he’d ever had. Or at least out of every fantasy that had included a guy. “Come here, you sexy vampire.”

“One more thing, Love. Radioradio,” Spike stated and the wall panel chimed in reply. “Play Madonna. ‘Ray of Light.’ Entire album. Start and end with ‘Candy Perfume Girl.’” 

Young velvet porcelain boy / Devour me when you're with me
Blue wish window seas / Speak delicious fires

Spike slipped in beside Xander, the leather of the coat enfolding them both in its heady scent. He kissed and petted him, keeping him awake as the pills took effect. Xander worked Spike’s cock some and then pulled him close, wanting to feel Spike holding him and to fell the vampire’s need. Finally, his hand ghosted down to find himself hard.

Spike pulled away at his chuckle and looked down. “Is that for me?” he asked raising an eyebrow.

“The only kind of wood that’s vampire safe. Come here.”

Spike straddled the too-thin hips and opened the tube of lube. Xander pulled him down and hungrily kissed him as his lover reached back to ready himself. “You ready, Pet?” Spike gasped.

“Come on, Spike. I want to feel you around me.” Spike guided Xander into place and hesitated, meeting Xander’s eye. “If you’re ready, that is.”

“No worries, Pet. I was just… anticipating. You can’t hurt me.”

Xander smiled. “I remember when I said that to you.”

“So do I, Love.” With a sigh, Spike slowly lowered himself. Panting, he never looked away from Xander. The boy was grinning like a fool, running his hands over every bit of Spike he could reach, and watching as he disappeared into his lover’s body. “Oh, Xander, Pet, Love.” Spike moaned when the hard cock was fully inside him.

“God, Spike. I never knew it would be so tight. So cool. Move now. I want to feel you move. I want to watch…”

Spike looked down into the brown eye of his lover with Sexual Predator tempered with possessiveness and love. With the strength of his legs he raised and lowered himself, occasionally leaning forward to kiss Xander’s full lips. He could hear the boy’s heart beating erratically and too fast.

“Oh, Spike,” Xander moaned, and pulled Spike down on top of him, wanting the contact. Spike softly growled, gently bit at the boy’s neck as he had long ago, and felt the thrust, shudder and hot rushing fill him as Xander came.

Xander pushed him up and fumbled for Spike’s hard cock. Spike wrapped the boy’s hand around himself and held it there, pumping himself. He sat still on Xander’s hips, wanting to keep him inside as long as he could. Xander gazed up at him with a stupid, satisfied grin as the vampire growled and came.

Finally, Spike slipped off and lay beside his boy, pulling him close. Xander’s heartbeat had faded to a thin, irregular pulse. “Spike?”

“Yes, Love?”

“I think I could have very easily really loved you,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper, but clear nonetheless.

“I know, Pet. I feel the same.” He held his boy gently, listening as his heart slowed to a stop, and his breathing tapered off.

The vampire felt every year of his long existence as he lay by the funny, open, honest, and brave boy who had given him so very much.

            The sacred nerve is/ Magic Poison

            It’s candy/ It’s candy

            I’m your candy perfume girl/boy/girl/boy/girl/boy/Candy

The wall panel’s light flicked off and the room fell into silence.

HAS TO BE