They were home and safe and the rest of the evening had been pleasant, and the promise of makeup sex was in the air. Or at least it had been…
Spike cranked up the heat suit as they entered the apartment, Xander’s libido seemed to have waned during the night, the apartment was all the colder for the sentiment as they entered. It had been a pattern for some weeks now, Spike initially figured his partner was too tired with the pressure from work, so lovingly serviced him each night. But there was more than this one evening to prove that something was amiss.
Around Halloween he had suggested dressing up to lighten the mood, only to have a door slammed in his face, left with only the predictable caress of a heat suit, and the comfort of the three person couch, afghan throw and cushions for the evening. Whenever they partnered after Italy, it had always been face to face, Xander taking Spike, and the master vampire more often than not, left wanting, finishing unhappily only after his partner moved to wash obsessively in the shower… alone.
He had not bothered Xander after Italy by suggesting a counselor, there were enough incidents of abuse in his own one hundred and fifty years for him to figure that Xander needed to initiate that sort of thing… or would eventually ‘crack’ forcing the issue. In either scenario he would just have to ride it out. What he had apparently forgotten was, that despite his childhood history of abuse, Xander was only thirty-something and not coping had the potential of taking some very ugly turns.
The Consort/Master link was strong for the most part, but since their return it seemed that there was a limit to how much emotional support Spike was able to send through of late. Messages of love and support seemed somehow blocked, almost as if the Consort’s pain was deliberately being contained.
Tonight Spike had been hopeful that things would alter after Sandy’s efforts at counseling, the consequent chat and an apparently fine evening of friendship and ‘normality’. Sadly, the promises of an amorous and copious ‘make up sex’ were apparently part of ‘the moment’. The moment had passed it seemed and the link shut down solidly as they drove home. Spike felt all the signs of another evening in the spare room but this time it seemed worse than the past few weeks. Pain and regret was rolling off Xander in waved. Perhaps Sandy’s talk had done something… the residual experience from their European sojourn was about to come to a head.
Xander wandered out of the shower, Spike made a harsh decision, but he no longer had anything to lose. He decided to push the issue. Since their return Spike had allowed Xander to initiate contact. Inevitably it had been face to face and fairly…. bland – even bordering of meaningless in some realm.
Spike took an unnecessary breath as his partner emerged from the swirl of steam that was the shower. He waited while the towel bound Xander slumped onto the bed, then pounced. Spike had already tugged himself free of all fastenings binding his nether regions to the heat suit, so
pushed his partner back onto the bed and straddled him, He tugged off the towel then pushed Xander’s arms above his head, holding the wrists with preternatural strength. Xander gave a small yelp of surprise but then seemed to go very quiet. The vampire leaned forward to kiss his partner and all seemed to be well. “Gonna take you pet… Gonna make love to you until you scream.”
Xander felt his body respond to the careful ministrations, Spike careful caress the claiming mark with his tongue and push love and care messages through the link. Xander relaxed a little, forgetting the past trauma and simply letting his beautiful partner have his way, until Spike chose that moment to flip him over onto his knees.
Arms still pinned and now face down and exposed Spike heard and felt his consort’s heart begin to race moments before he was thrown off his lover and onto the floor by the panicked, adrenalin charged human.
Xander loomed over him rage and terror dictating his actions and instinct pushing him to attack. He backhanded the stunned sprawling figure across the face punctuating each statement with another strike. “You don’t touch me! You don’t touch me!! I’m not a whore! You bastard! You don’t get to do that!” Spike simply curled into a ball and held up a hand in surrender. He could withstand the physical onslaught but the words coupled with the last few weeks of angst cut him to the core.
“I won’t Xan… It’s me Xan… I won’t hurt you… It’s me! Oh Gahhh Xan!”
Finally exhausting his rage and fear Xander ceased his attack then realized who his victim was. Horrified he fell back onto the bed, then clamped his hand to his mouth and sprinted to the bathroom falling to his knees just inside the door stomach convulsing and spilling the evening meal over the tiled floor. Unable to move from the mess, he slumped against the door frame visibly shaking, let out a strangled cry then began to sob in earnest.
Spike all but flew to collect his partner in his arms, cradling him from behind then eventually hauling him into his lap allowing some immediate comfort despite the stench of bile and slimy mess on the floor. Xander eventually calmed enough that Spike’s whispered words of comfort registered. “Come back to me love… come on *Please* pet come back to me… I love you so much… We can get through this… c’mon… please pet… please! I love you Xan….” Another round of sobs ensued. Spike simply waited it out continued his quiet monologue while he rocked and petted the distraught man.
Eventually Xander collapsed completely against his partner, quiet but for some residual shudders that occasionally wracked his frame. “I’m s..sorry… I’m s..so sssorry S.. Spike”
“Shhh pet it’s fine… we’re fine… C’mon luv let’s us get you cleaned up ‘ey?” Spike turned Xander’s face until a teary, red puffy eye looked into his loving blue pair. “I love you Xan, and we *will* get through this… OK? We’ll get through it…. together. OK pet? Now come on.” With a chaste kiss to his consort’s forehead, Spike hauled them both up threw a towel over the mess on the floor and all but lifted Xander into the shower. He flicked the water on then stripped himself of the suit and joined his near collapsing partner, washing him briskly. Wrapped in two large bath towels, Xander was carried to bed and fed a few mouthfuls of precious Master’s blood, before Spike returned to clean up the floor. Three buckets of disinfectant in hot water and four towels later and the room was not spotless but at least passable. Returning to the bedroom he was relieved to find Xander asleep.
………………….
The following few weeks were still strained, though gradually their bedtime discussions included the Italian trauma. On these occasions, comfort was far more important than lovemaking. In the safety of Spike’s embrace, with Xander resting his head on the pale chest of his protector, he would recount snippets of the fear and humiliation. Spike would calmly continue to rub his back until the story and any consequent emotions were dealt with. He knew Spike had dealt with the Initiative men, “They will never hurt you again pet… never”, had been repeated so many times that Xander was no longer in any doubt. But one evening after finally talking about Riley, Spike answered his direct question.
“What happened to them Spike? What did you do?”
“Marked the two who touched you… and the idiot who photographed us. Vamps will smell the bite. Meals on wheels signal. Bastard who raped you was shot dead by one of his own.” Xander flinched as rape was mentioned.
“Riley? What about…?”
“Turned the bastard… Twisted wanker got ‘is rocks off just ‘cause I was suckin’ ‘im dry. Gave ‘im just enough of mine to be the lowest of minions. If he’s not dust, he’ll be the stupidest fledge and in servitude for eternity. Anton was fixing him up with a local master. One who figures on his surfs takin’ only goat or sheep… no humans. Crafty old beggar apparently, feeds ‘em one or two drops of his own every once in a while, mixed in of course… keeps ‘em all loyal and beggin’ for more. Collars and brands ‘em all as well according to Anton.” Spike snorted his disgust, “Nahh our Riley will be used and abused in true vampire fashion until the end of his days… and won’t know any better than to take it with a smile.”
“Geez….” Xander went very, very quiet.
Spike worried. Finally Xander lifted up and collected his partner’s lips for a chaste kiss.
“Thank you.”
Spike looked a little puzzled.
“Thank you for doing it Spike, and for waiting for me to be ready before you told me.”
“Welcome pet….. " They lay in silence for a few more minutes until Spike pushed up onto the pillows a little more taking Xander with him. "Now can we bury any of this yet? Can we move on? Can you take me hard and make all that sordid rot a memory? Cause gotta say… Need a bloody good shag right now and you look like the man to do it…” Serious mood thoroughly broken as Spike wiggled an eyebrow and tickled his partner’s side, Xander grinned and reached over his lover to the side table where he knew the lube would be waiting.
“Ho yeah…. I’m your man”