by Lazuli



Spike went.  Spike went, Xander tried to accept.  The new Consort with the swiftly developing Consort awareness tried to accept.  He stared after the vampire.  Tried to accept.  For half-an-hour he sat, dazed, trying to understand why Spike had left.

          “Spike?” he murmured, hand coming up to touch his neck, driving his nails into the bite mark, trying to recreate the pain because it was good and real.  Spike couldn’t do this, could he?  Claim him and reject him?  How’s that?  Whole new kind of fear.  Thanks, Spike.  Turn me into some kind of dependent freak and walk out on me.  Xander felt a cold terror developing inside him; he couldn’t feel this different and not have Spike.

          “I’m Consort,” he told the stillness, incredulous that Spike couldn’t understand how deep that ran.  They were bound.  “Consort.”  It lived, it rippled through his body, through his entire being, made him feel; in Spike’s presence it made him whole.  It tore the past out of his hands and tossed it away, it made him want to live.  He thinks it’s a fuck and a bite.  Fucking idiot.

Xander shook his way out of bed and dressed, trying to be calm, telling himself that once Spike understood…  Explain this?  I can’t put this feeling into words.  He’ll have to read the book and how fucking ridiculous is that?  …the vampire would stop berating himself and listen to what Xander had been summoning the courage to tell him.


He made his way downstairs, throwing a wary glance at the front door…  Must get locks, tomorrow I get locks.  …and checking the rooms for Spike.  He can’t be gone, he wouldn’t leave me like this, I’m his…  I’m his.  Another walk through and behind the façade of coping Xander was moving beyond terror.  Tomorrow I get locks and I lock the dumb shit in.

          “Spike?” he called, and he sounded as desperate as he felt.  “Spike!”

He called again.  And again.  His voice resounded around the house and faded to nothing.  Here came the silence, the thinking time, the thinking space; it crowded in and Xander was buckling and breaking under the pressure, and couldn’t remember how to be the Xander that didn’t buckle and break and he wanted to die, wanted the pure, sweet simplicity of knowing where he was going.


Where he was going.  Kitchen.  Floor.  Tiles.  He started to count, in his head at first, but the words, the numbers, burst out of him and soon he was shouting them.  His throat grew sore, voice grew hoarse, unused to talking nowadays, let alone this abuse.  He wrapped his arms around his head, trying to block out the noise, but it was everywhere, as harrowing as the silence.  Inside, outside, pile it on top of the sensation of being torn apart and he couldn’t believe he’d eaten for three days running because he still wanted to be dead and he didn’t have Spike.


He jumped, very nearly screamed, when a cold hand covered his mouth and another pulled him around and into an embrace.  Xander clutched madly at Spike, hair, clothing, flesh, it didn’t matter what as long as contact was made and kept.  Eventually it sank in that he could shut up and stay still, and he did, let Spike hold him and soothe him and whisper about talking to the Powers, listening to his voices, coming to terms with what he’d selfishly done.

          “It’s not just a fuck and a bite,” Xander rattled off, over and over until Spike’s hand went back over his mouth.

          “I know, I understand more now.”

Xander shook the hand off.

          “It’s in me, you’re in me, you made me.”

          “I know, I know.”

          “You had no right to walk off like that, I read the book, you don’t make a Consort and walk away.”

          “I know, I’m sorry, shush, love.”

          “No, I won’t fucking shush.”

Xander pushed Spike away.  Away but not far away.  Spike took it further by moving to the counter and clicking the kettle on.

          “Tea?  Chocolate?  Valium?”

          “It’s a big deal, Spike, you should feel it from in here.  You were wrong to leave,” Xander persisted, not knowing the reaction he was looking for but knowing it was more than this.

          “But you knew I’d be back.”

          “No, I didn’t, I wasn’t - I’m not - thinking straight, I didn’t know.  But I told you this was getting stronger and you still left me.  Why?  Why did you leave me?”

          “You think you’ve got the monopoly on running away when it gets too difficult?”

          “That’s not good enough.”

          “And God forbid I should encroach upon your particular speciality,” Spike muttered.

Still furious about the walkout, the taunt was one insult too many; Xander lashed out.  Not a problem inasmuch as Xander didn’t have a great deal of strength, but Spike was turning back to him at that precise moment and they connected fairly hard, fist to chin.  They recoiled in perfect unity, Xander gasping and clutching his hand to him, Spike more surprised than hurt but slowly rubbing his face.


After a long, curiously charged pause, Spike approached Xander, unfolding him from around his hand and taking it in his own, showing great care as he checked the bones and manipulated the joints.

          “Did I break it?”

          “No, love.  I’d have heard that lovely crunch you get.”  Xander accepted without question.  “It’ll just be sore for a while.  Be all right though.”

          “You mad at me?” Xander asked warily.  Spike’s immediate response was to take the sore hand to his mouth and ghost kisses over it.  “Spike?”

          “That’s the most honest thing you’ve done since you got here, the most…Xander.”

          “And that’s okay?”

          “More than okay.”  Xander’s free hand came to Spike’s chin and brought his head up; there was nothing to show where he’d struck the vampire but Xander followed Spike’s lead and kissed his face in the approximate area.  He felt the pressure as Spike leant into the kiss.  “You made your mark bleed.”

          “Yeah, I was…  D’know.”  He flicked his hair out of the way.  “Clean it up for me.”

The vampire’s mouth was over the wound in an instant, licking and sucking.  Xander groaned and pulled Spike closer to him, unsurprised when he found himself being spun around and pinned against the nearest wall, mouth roughly kissed as fingers tangled in his hair.  And this was it: the unknown element that Xander had been missing.  A passionate, almost desperate reaction that proved Spike was as powerless as him against the result of their actions.  Now that was proved he also needed to reassure himself that he could stop it.  He eased Spike to a foot away, knowing that with the slightest effort the vampire could overpower him, happy that he respected Xander enough to take a definite step back.


Although the worst of the distress seemed to have passed, Spike wasn’t taking any chances and when he sat Xander at the table he pulled a chair around to sit close by him, holding his good hand.  “I didn’t really understand what I’d done to you.  If I had I wouldn’t have walked off like that.”  He smiled wryly as he played with Xander’s fingers.  “I can tell you the social habits of hundreds of demons but I know fuck-all about vampires’.”  A kiss to the fingers.  “You’re right.  I shouldn’t have left you.”

          “You talked to your voices?”  Spike nodded.  “To help you understand?  Or…?”

          “I…umm…asked if it was too late for it to be undone.”  A cold shudder ran through Xander, too distinct to be mistaken for one of the usual tremors.  “I was asking for you, Xander, not for me.  Trying to give you your life back.”

          “My death, you mean.”

          “Your choice.”

          “They said it was too late?  It can’t be undone?”

          “Too late.”  Spike gave a short embarrassed laugh.  “I’m so soddin’ glad about that.  Sorry.”

          “What happens now?”

          “Now…”  Spike looked into Xander’s fraught eyes and wanted to plead for forgiveness.  But that wasn’t what Xander needed.  “No more walking away.  I don’t want to walk away.   This is it, love.  You, me, together, saving the world or dying horribly in the attempt.”

          “Would you want me even if…”

          “I chose you.  I want you.  The ultimatum from the Powers only made me bold enough to write that letter.  I want you.  I didn’t realise I’d be making you want me too.”

          “Not making.”

          “Xander, you don’t have to…”

          “You asked me earlier what I think when I look at you.  You said you wanted to believe something lights up in me.”

          “I’ve expected too much, and I’m ready to…”

          “When I look at you something inside me lights up.  When you get close it flares.  When you touch me it burns.”  Spike was staring at Xander in amazement.  “I don’t – don’t think you’re expecting too much.  But you may be expecting too soon.”

          “Is that the truth?  Don’t say anything just because it’s what I want to hear.”

          “Truth.  And if I don’t…react as fast as you want – as fast as I want - it’s because of how I am right now: my body’s slow.  But inside…inside…”  Xander’s breathing became rougher and the shaking intensified, but he was determined to get the words – the truth – out.  “I want you.  I do want you.”  Spike played that back in his head.  No, must have dropped off for a second there because I dreamt Xander said…  “I want you.  I want to be with you.  This isn’t the fuck and bite thing talking.  I already knew.  I knew when you sat in bed with me and combed my hair and held me and made me feel as if maybe I could live after all.  Forget all the crap about the Hellmouth.  That was coming home.”

          “Xander…”  A bare whisper was all Spike could manage.  Stunned.  Completely stunned.  That Xander could want him, could say the words.  Live for him.

          “And, I, um…”

Spike shook his head.

          “You don’t have to say any more.”

          “I do.  Yesterday.  Was…was…”

          “Good?” Spike prompted cautiously.

          “Good?” Xander snorted.  “No, not good.”

          “Not good?”

          “Great.  It was great.”  The pained frown made an appearance and he gulped in oxygen.  “It hurts, Spike.  You giving me life, you giving me that much…pleasure.”

          “I did?”

          “It hurts.   But you did what you promised, you fucked some love into me.”  Admission made, Xander felt some of the anxiety slip away.  He met Spike’s still-stunned gaze full on.  “Do it again.”  He picked up Spike’s hands and kissed them both.  “Be the only person to touch me.”

Spike’s hands tightened around his.

          “I need you to be Xander.  I need you to know you can be Xander.  Not this version, I want that stroppy git who used to piss me off so much.  The one who took a swing earlier.”

Xander almost laughed but he caught himself: he wasn’t permitted to laugh because the people he’d let die couldn’t.

          “I’m Xander.  I am Xander, Spike.  I’m just…wrecked.”

Spike barely heard the words, he was still puzzling over what he’d witnessed.

          “You’re allowed to laugh,” Spike told Xander, and there was the guilt.  With a smile he moved on, deciding not to play that game any more and hoping that Xander wouldn’t want to play alone.  “You were sexy when you laughed.”


          “Don’t start that again.”


          “And don’t do that.”  Stuck for an acceptable response Xander kept quiet, but the interest showed when Spike went back to reminiscing.  “When you laughed.  When you smiled.  And that look when the smile was in your eyes but didn’t touch your mouth, I liked that, that was sexy.   And when you were angry, that was…hot.”

          “I didn’t know.”

          “Now I think of it…  You were pretty sexy when you didn’t do anything at all.”  Another stifled laugh; this time it was a little easier for Xander to accept the pain for what it was and let it go.  “I don’t suppose…  Nah, you wouldn’t have.”


          “Thought about me that way?”

          “You want me to tell you something sexy about you?” Xander wanted to know, voice heavy with disbelief that Spike should have to ask.

          “Not if you have to make it up.”

          “I wouldn’t.”

Xander racked his brains for a way to voice this without sounding like a whore.

          “Something,” Spike encouraged.  “Anything?”

         Everything.”  Spike very nearly bounced in his seat.  “And…and…”

          “Sure you don’t want to quit while I’m ahead?”

          “Yesterday,” Xander pressed on, feeling the shaking getting worse, trying to stop it and making it still worse.


          “When you were…”

          “Relax, love,” Spike urged, on his feet and knocking his chair aside as he got as close as possible to Xander, bringing him around and holding him to his body because this had worked earlier, stroking his hair, face, shoulders, back, anywhere he could reach if there was a chance it’d calm Xander enough to break the pattern of tremors.  Then it occurred to him what worked without a doubt, and he began to lightly pat a deliberate beat between Xander’s shoulder-blades, whispering…  “One, two, three, four, five, six, seven…”

          “When you were in me.”

          “…nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen…”

          “When you came in me.”

          “…fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, nineteen…”

          “It was so cold.”

          “…twenty-one, twenty-two..  Yeah, I know.  Going to have to play the living dead card here.  Twenty-five, twenty-six…”

          “It was…”  Say it, say it, he needs to know, fucking say it, Xander screamed at himself inside his head, drowning out the numbers.  “One…one of the best things I’ve ever felt.”

Xander could sense Spike’s astonishment, didn’t need to see it.  He concentrated instead on making his clumsy hands unfasten Spike’s jeans, easing them down to his thighs, pushing the t-shirt out of the way to kiss the smooth, flat stomach as his hand found Spike’s cock, enfolding and caressing as it rapidly hardened.  Looking up into Spike’s face he found the vampire as moved as he was aroused.

          “It never occurred to you that I’d want to touch you?”


          “Or desire you?”

          “Well…no.  I hoped that maybe you’d want sex enough to tolerate me.”

          “You were prepared to take that chance?”

          “What else could I do?” Spike asked weakly.  “I had to have you.”

Xander scraped his nails along the underside of Spike’s erection, feeling the silky member jerk and flashing on a memory of how that had felt inside him.

          “Have me then.”

Dipping his head, Xander took the tip of Spike’s cock into his mouth, dabbing teasingly with his tongue as he learned the flavour of the only man he’d be doing this with for the remainder of his existence.  A hand rested on the back of his head, and a breathy…


…came from above him.  Slowly and infuriatingly surely, Xander took the length into his mouth, deep into his throat, hearing an appreciative moan and trying not to feel like the whore whose experience with innumerable other men had made this possible.  Fingers clenched, loosened, clenched in his hair as he swallowed just the once before easing back, lips and tongue manipulating the foreskin before exploring further, delighting in learning more: shape, size, texture, every vein, bump and undulation, echoing Spike’s moan as he lapped up the first drops of pre-come.  Another…


…and Xander picked up speed, rising and falling, applied some suction, felt a tremble that, for once, wasn’t his own.  His hands ran over cold thighs and around Spike’s body to cup and squeeze firm buttocks; as his fingertips explored further, Spike gasped and thrust into Xander’s mouth.  Xander felt the tension as Spike tried not to do it again, and he grasped the narrow hips and rocked them, telling Spike it was okay, smiling around the hard flesh as the gentle rhythm was picked up and continued as Xander’s fingers went back to finding their way inside this extraordinary body.  Spike bucked hard at the attempted entry, and Xander sucked ferociously, feeling a flood of warm satisfaction throughout his body to match the flood of cold semen that filled his mouth, and he worked Spike until the vampire forcibly stilled him.


Spike collapsed onto Xander’s lap, pulled tight to the human’s chest by a possessive arm.  He rested his head against Xander’s and tried to find the power of speech.

          “Bloody hell, Xander,” was all he could manage for a few seconds.

          “Want you,” was the whispered reply, and Spike felt a little more of the crash and burn, finding the strength to raise a hand to Xander’s face and tilt it in his direction.

          “I…”  Really shouldn’t say it yet.  He smiled at Xander’s expectant expression.  “You realise that’s the first thing I haven’t had to tell you to eat?”

Xander returned the smile, and Spike had to kiss that smile, lovingly, and for a long time.




Xander went to the living room as Spike made him a drink, closing the drapes and sitting in one of the armchairs, studying the room and making plans in his head.  Spike soon joined him, placing a mug of stodgy hot chocolate in Xander’s hand before sitting on the sofa and watching him think.

          “It’s strange.  Planning for a future instead of for a funeral,” Xander confessed.

Spike ignored the knee-jerk reaction that insisted he go and hug Xander to within an inch of his saved life, looking around and trying to see the room through fresh eyes.

          “What are you going to do in here?”

Xander thought a little more as he sized up an alcove.

          “I made this bureau a couple of years ago.  It’d be good there.”  He sipped his chocolate and mentally painted the walls a dozen different colours.  “Why is the house like this?  Why haven’t you made it into a home?”

          “Because it’s never felt like a home.”

          “It should be a reflection of you.”

          “It has been.”  Xander threw a questioning look.  “Empty,” Spike explained without emotion.

Xander nodded his understanding, sinking back in his chair and focusing his full attention on the vampire.

          “Can I talk at you for a while?  You don’t have to show an interest, just make a note and tell me later if
I’m way off.”

          “Talk away.”

          “Okay.”  Spike waited patiently for a good ten minutes, enjoying the minor changes in expression that reflected Xander’s thought process.  “Okay.  You chose someone strong enough to leave you because you needed someone strong enough to stay.  You need the Xander you remember, the cocky son-of-a-bitch who gave as good as he got.  You say strong and mean brave: brave enough to stay, brave enough to want you. 
We’re alike.
  We both think it takes someone valiant and fearless and kinda demented to love us.  You do the valiant and fearless and I’ll take care of the kinda demented and between us…  Then I have to be brave enough to face the end of the world with you, and I cannot believe I have to do that again but it’s in a separate list, the one headed, ‘Why I think Spike still hates me’.

          “Yesterday you told me you wanted to be challenged, and…and something about a battle for dominance.  I think you were telling me you wanted equality, and I think you were trying to assure me of it before I started thinking I had to get out before you made me a pet.  So, that’s equality.  For my sake because you’re already more than equal.”  Xander thought over that last phrase and frowned.  “Lost something in translation.  Equality for our sake.

          “You told me you admired me, admired the old Xander, the one I’m scared to think about.  But he’s the one you want to want you: the one you remember and, I think, trust.  The guy who can prove to you that you’re wanted and you need that.  Him.”  He looked into Spike’s eyes.  “I’m still him.  You want me to be loud and obnoxious and blatant, gimme time and I’ll be that.  For you.”  Xander’s gaze dropped.  “Every time we get close I feel better and if I have to be that way to keep you wanting to be close I’ll…”  Xander sat forward, irritably running his fingers through his hair.  “I’m afraid you’ll think I’m a whore if I behave like I used to.  You’ll get as mad as you did yesterday when my past came up and send me away, and if you send me away now I really will die because this Consort thing is inside me and it’s not just a fuck and a bite.  You have no idea of how powerful it is.

          “But you know I’m a whore and you want me.  You must always have known and…and I don’t think I have any choice here.  Again.  Because it’s not just a fuck and a bite and I said yes and I meant yes and I couldn’t walk away if I wanted to.”  Xander spoke directly to Spike again.  “I don’t want a choice, I want you, I want this, and I want life.”  A protracted silence followed.  “I’ve finished,” Xander concluded briskly.  “Except for the fact I appreciate the equality and I’m putting turquoise on the walls.”


          “And I want to fuck you very badly.  I don’t mean fuck you badly as in do it badly so much as I want to do it very much.  But it might be badly ‘cause I’m weak and shaky so maybe I was right the first time.”


          “You want to say anything about what I said?”

          “Nothing that can’t wait.”

          “Then now would be good.”

Spike rose and came to Xander, offering him a hand up, holding him close and feeling shudder after shudder.

          “Do I make you nervous?” he asked softly.


          “Because you think I’ll hurt you?”

          “Because you make the hurting bearable.  I shouldn’t want you this much.  I always knew you were hot but I didn’t know you were this hot.  Can I kiss you?”

          “No,” Spike laughed as Xander’s hand curled around the back of his neck and drew him in.


Upstairs, and Spike stripped them both, fast, barely restraining himself from ripping away the clothes that were keeping him from the hot flesh of his Consort and…  He realised he had to stop thinking that term because every time he did he felt a little more of the crash and burn.  Despite everything that Xander had said about staying, one thing he hadn’t mentioned was love and Spike guessed that love wasn’t on Xander’s mind.  Which was fine.  Almost fine.


Spiked liked love.  He liked to wallow in it and flaunt it and make heartfelt declarations.  Despite a past that saw him showering his affections on the unappreciative, undeserving and indifferent, he’d always believed it was his fundamental right to fall head-over-heels in love and obsessively worship the object of his adoration, and he had hoped that Xander would be up for a little adulation.  Well, he hasn’t said no, and…  God, he’s lovely, why am I thinking when I could be…


Xander was tossed onto the bed, Spike laying over his thighs, and as a cold mouth worked his balls an equally chilly hand played with and teased his cock as it slowly grew harder and harder.  Xander groaned as Spike dragged his lips up his shaft.

          “Yesterday.  I thought you were going to suck me.  You wanted me to beg?  Well, I tell you, I wanted me to beg.”  A light laugh from Spike and Xander’s cock was engulfed.  With another groan Xander thrust into Spike’s throat, hands cradling the vampire’s head, body becoming one massive tremble as Spike drew back to play with the tip.  It wasn’t long before Spike was being manhandled away.  “You have to fuck me, please, fuck me.”

          “I thought you were fucking me,” Spike frowned.

          “We both know I’m not strong enough.”

Spike reached over the side of the bed for the lubricant and Xander stole it from his hands.  He looked at the size of the container and repressed the laugh.

          “You had to buy a gallon?”

          “Don’t exaggerate.”

          “Are you expecting friends?  Like, a bus-load?”  Xander looked at Spike with sudden consternation.  “I didn’t ask that, did I?  If I get to be the entertainment at vampire orgies?”

          “I told you.  No-one but me will ever touch you.”

          “That’s good.  No-one else.  And you’ll be overly generous with the touching?”


          “And how about you?” Xander wanted to know, feeling very apprehensive.  “Anyone other than me going to be touching you?  Do I have to live with it?”

          “How would you feel about that?”

          “I’d hate it.  Maybe deserve it, but I’d hate it.”

          “It would hurt you?”


          “I won’t hurt you.”  The light dawned.  “Is that what the fuss over biting Casey was about?  It felt like I was being unfaithful?”

          “I know it’s stupid, I mean, biting people, it’s what a vampire does.  But that asshole?”  Xander’s fingers went to his mark.  “Walking around with this on him.”

          “Very different.”

          “I know, you said.  And I’ll be fine if I don’t see.”

          “You’re jealous,” Spike announced with absolute delight.

          “Too fucking right,” Xander muttered darkly.


Spike leant over Xander and laid a gentle kiss on the mark.  Xander pushed him back into a kneeling position, poured some lubricant into his hand and ran it over Spike’s cock.  He couldn’t resist watching Spike watching the hand, the unadulterated pleasure on that expressive face, and for a moment he thought Spike was going to come there and then, but the vampire took a few deep breaths,…  I made him breathe, I made him breathe!  …dug his nails in his own thighs until they threatened to bleed, and dragged himself back from the edge.  Spike.  This is Spike.  Spike, and he’s mine.  Want to make him mine.  Fill him up and make him mine.

          “Want you, Spike, I want to fuck you so badly.  Want to make you mine.”

          “I know, I understand.  I’ll ride you.”

Fuck, fuck, fuck, gonna have him, make him mine.  Mine.  Wonder if you can catch vampire mentality.  Spike and he’s mine.

          “Is this what you felt yesterday?  This…urgency?”

          “Yeah.  Don’t worry.  You’ll get what you need.”

Xander sat forward, slicked fingers prowling over Spike’s balls and perineum, teasing their way into Spike’s body as the vampire reached back and held himself open, panting, murmuring, trying his best not to squirm as the fingers probed and curled inside him.

          “Want me in you, Spike?”

          “Yes,” came the groaned reply.

          “You seriously going to ride me?”  In the time it would have taken most people to come out with another
‘yes’, Spike had Xander flat on his back and was perched over his cock, leaving Xander with mere seconds to slap some lubricant on himself before Spike sank heavily down, indifferent to the pain of being forced open when such a glorious objective was being achieved.
  Maybe it wasn’t a question of fucking some love into Xander, but fucking some love out of him.


Power of speech momentarily lost to him, Xander groaned most expressively as Spike wriggled around on his cock, getting comfortable or deliberately tormenting him, either, both.

          “Hot,” Spike stated, fairly ineloquent himself.

          “Cold,” Xander contradicted.





Spike growled and began to move, working his body on the intrusion, fucking himself on Xander’s cock with lustful abandon.  He allowed Xander to stop him momentarily, just long enough to adjust his position; when the vampire began to ride again his prostate was hit full on and he hollered.  He quickly, if somewhat hazily, came to the conclusion that Xander’s experience was something to be embraced rather than resented.  It was almost too good, the combination of Xander’s enthusiasm and Xander’s roaming hands that managed to be everywhere at once and Xander’s splendid cock repeatedly bashing into that responsive gland.  Spike slowed down and eased up.

          “You’re the first human I’ve ever had in me.  I like the heat.”

          “Your first…”  Xander shoved lustily up into the vampire’s coolness, affirming his claim.  “Fucking hell,
that’s so…
  I’m honoured, Spike.”

          “Yes, you are,” Spike agreed as he rode vigorously once more, hating the human’s tightly closed eyelids, unconvinced that he was what Xander saw behind them.  “Look at me, Xander.”

          “I can’t.”

          “See me.”

          “I want this to last.  If I look at you I’ll come.”

          “Prove it.”

          “Oh, shit…”

          “Prove it.”

          “Oh, shit, oh, shit, oh…”

Xander opened his eyes, took one look at Spike before clamping his hands onto the vampire’s hips and forcing them down as his own jerked up, time and again as he was wrung out…

          “…shit, oh, shit, oh, shit…”

…and finding a hidden reserve of energy that allowed him to fuck some more as Spike’s true face emerged, golden eyes showing the wonder of that hot flood inside him.  He came instantly as Xander’s hand clenched around his cock.


Spike slowly tipped forward, collapsing into Xander’s arms.

          “It’s like you said,” he gasped.

          “It is?” Xander responded as breathlessly.

          “Shit, oh, shit, oh, shit.”

          “I said that?”


          “I have quite a way with words.”  As Spike agreed with a nod, Xander turned them onto their sides, regretfully slipping from the tight grip of the vampire’s body.  He felt the need to give the still demon-faced Spike a few careful kisses and managed several before collapsing in a heap.  “Thank you.”

          “Feel like I’m yours now?”

Xander gave a feeble nod and an equally weak smile before passing out.  Spike studied the face that, without the tension, fear and guilt, seemed a decade younger.  He touched the lips that had voluntarily kissed him, voluntarily taken his cock, voluntarily whispered, ‘I want you’.  Crash.  Burn.  He drew over the grey streaks in the dark hair with his fingertips, symbolic of the existence that Xander had lived and lost, knowing they wouldn’t be there long now that the Powers had their hooks in the young man.  Xander would be renewed.  He would be strong and stubborn, loyal and fearless.  He’s mine.  Crash.  Burn.




Xander woke first, and if he’d stopped to think about it he’d have realised that he was different again, and it was yet more of a positive different.  Consort indeed.  If he’d stopped to think about it he might also have understood that he would never leave Sunnydale again, not even a simple trip to collect his remaining possessions.  If he’d stopped to think about it he’d have labelled himself callous for ceasing to care about a girl in a bathtub full of blood, or remembering his beloved slayer with adoration rather than remorse.  But he didn’t think about it.  All he could think about was the beautiful creature beside him; he crawled over Spike and carefully lowered himself, waking the vampire with kisses, so many distinctly separate kisses that Spike wondered…

          “Are you counting how many times you kiss me?”

Xander shook his head slowly, brushing Spike’s nose with his own.

          “I forgot to,” murmured and more kisses.  “Hey, look.  You’re beneath me.”  Teasing and Spike knew it, but Xander could still see the hurt in the depths of his eyes.  Memories.  He knew about memories.  He kissed along the sharp jaw-bone to a cool ear.  “But I seem to be thinking more of coming than going,” he whispered.  Spike’s hands ran proprietarily down Xander’s back, cupped his ass and pulled him against his body, doubly appreciative when he felt that Xander was getting hard.  “I’m going to live for you, Spike.  I’m going to be with you.  I’m going to get strong again so I can pin you down and fuck you until you scream.”

          “Yes,” Spike gasped, holding tighter and grinding them together.

          “It won’t be long before I can give you what you want: I’ll be hard for you all the time, ready for you all the time.  Your Consort will always be ready to be taken, is that what you want?”


          “And if I ever say no will it be like yesterday?”

          “If you mean no, I will never…”

          “Spike…” Xander interrupted, voice husky.  “Like yesterday?”

Spike got the message and grinned.

          “Just like yesterday.”

He released a low, snickering purr as Xander’s mouth explored his neck and bit down, pinching the skin but not breaking it.

          “Like that?  I am allowed to do that?”

          “Good, love, it’s good,” Spike assured him a touch mindlessly.  “Whatever you want.  Take.”



          “I’ve never found a line I wouldn’t cross.  Might be fun looking for one.”  Xander raised his head and met Spike’s lust-darkened eyes.  “I think you’re what I’ve been searching for.”  He kissed the vampire gently, in contrast to the heat in his words.  “The ultimate fuck.  I think you’re the ultimate fuck.”  A few minutes of increasingly zealous kissing and Xander was doing the gasping.  “My turn.”


          “Yeah.  I get to be beneath you now.  And you get to be in me.  Please.  Fuck me, Spike.”  The slightest smile.  “I’m prepared to beg.”


Spike rolled them, kissing Xander ardently as they went, hand flailing out and groping for the lubricant container.  Luckily it was difficult to miss.

          “Let me,” Xander insisted, taking it from him and quickly pouring a palm-full before wrapping his hand around Spike’s cock.  “Spike…  The ‘no-one but you’ thing is a relief.”

          “How about the fact that ‘no-one but me’ gives you no choice?”

          “That’s pretty much a relief too.  Is this a good time to add that the others meant nothing?”

          “Are you sure I mean any more?”

          “I’m sure,” Xander smiled distractedly, mesmerised by the sweep of his hand over the vampire’s erection.  “You feel good.”

          “You’re not kidding.”

          “You going to make more of it?”


          “This bite mark.  It’s your claim, right?  But it’ll heal to nothing.”

          “And that bothers you?”

          “It bothers me.  If it’s about us I want something that can be seen from space.”

          “Are you serious?”

          “So, you’ll do it again, right?  Bite me again?  Make more of it?”

          “Xander…” Spike rasped.

          “And I want to know how it feels, you biting me when you’re fucking me.”

The vampire’s cock leapt in his hand.

          “I need to.  Right now.  Fuck you.”

          “Yes, do it.  Right now.”

          “But I haven’t – you’re not…”

          “Don’t have that vampire healing thing going on here, Spike.”

          “Yes, but…”

          “And to be honest, I like it a little…sharp.”  Xander lay back and spread his legs wide, offering his body, wanting Spike where a Master belonged, between his Consort’s thighs.  And in his mind he saw himself and shuddered.  “I’m such a whore.  I’m sorry.”

          “Don’t be,” Spike told him with a wicked grin as he positioned himself.  “You can be as big a whore as you like as long as you’re my whore.”

          “Really?” Xander asked hopefully.

          “Too right. You’re bloody beautiful like this.”

          “Am I?”


          “So why aren’t you fucking me?”


Spike started the slow slide into Xander’s body; Xander pushed up with more force and Spike was fully inside that addictive heat, face contorting with the mind-stalling pleasure of it.  From deep within an unfamiliar contentment Xander watched, delighted to be able to put that expression on the vampire’s face, knowing, knowing

          “This is right.”  Spike looked into his eyes and saw life.  Saw Xander.  Unable to trust his voice he nodded.  “And I’m staying.”

Spike dropped onto him and their mouths met in a passionate kiss, shortened by Xander pulling away to drag in some oxygen as Spike began to fuck him in earnest with long, deep strokes that penetrated him to the very core.


Xander stretched beneath Spike, throwing his arms over his head to push against the headboard, push himself onto Spike.  He unwittingly struck the stone pendant that hung there.  It was flicked aside and bounced across the floor and under the dresser.  A last reminder of a terrible time.  Out of sight.  Out of mind.


          “Love this, love this,” Xander moaned as Spike’s thrusts eventually became shorter, faster, more urgent.

          “Love you,” Spike whispered back, only realising what he'd said when Xander froze.

Dazed brown eyes opened and took a second to focus as, in his mind, Xander ran over what he’d heard Spike say.  Ran over it several hundred times.

          “You can’t mean that.”

Spike braced himself: things were about to go very wrong or very right.

          “Is it in some way…offensive?”

          “No, not at all, just…  Why?”

          “Consort,” was the simple reply.

          “Then it was always going to happen for you?  Whoever you picked?”



          “Still all about you.”

          “So, when you said…you said…”

          “Yes, I know what I said.”

          “You didn’t really mean…”

          “I did.  Love, Xander.  This is love.”

Xander frowned up at the concerned face.

          “You can’t mean…”

          “I can mean.”





Xander stared in amazement, judged by Spike’s expression that the sentiment was quite genuine, wished, so desperately it made his heart ache, that he could return the honour.

          “I…  I’m sorry, I don’t lo…”

Spike shushed Xander and kissed him.

          “I know you don’t,” Spike laughed softly.  Laughed at himself and his desperation to hear the words when Xander was showering adoration upon him with every touch.  “It doesn’t matter.”

          “It doesn’t?”  Another laugh and a relieved Xander responded to Spike’s good humour with the first unguarded smile Spike had seen since his human had shown up.  Smiling Xander: so bloody sexy.  The smile gradually faded until it was just held in his eyes.  “I will though.  I want to and I will.  Maybe when I stop hurting.  Or maybe I’ll fall for you and that’s what will stop me hurting.  I want you and I will love you.”  The whole smile was back.  “You chose me.”

          “I most certainly did.”

          “Say it.”

          “That I chose you?”

          “The other…thing.”

          “The other thing…” Spike mused, deliberately obtuse.  “You can have turquoise on the walls providing you don’t choose an orange carpet.”


          “Fifteen across turned out to be recalcitrant.  You and fifteen across have a lot in common.”


Spike stopped playing and looked deep into Xander’s eyes.  Crash.  Burn.

          “I love you, Xander.”

A blinding smile and Xander clenched his fist in Spike’s hair, pulling his affectionately growling vampire into a kiss before proceeding to chant… “Thank you, thank you, thank you…” …under his breath.


Spike initiated a slow grind and Xander thanked him some more, head falling back to offer his neck.  The passion and beauty in the gesture were enough to bring Spike close to the edge of his climax, and he paused for a calming moment before accepting the offer, dropping his fangs and biting tenderly as Xander writhed beneath him, a stream of yes’s that disintegrated into nonsense flowing from his lips, fucking himself on Spike, too intensely involved with the pleasure of the here and now to notice the past fading away.

          “I love you,” Spike whispered adoringly against the torn and bloody skin, and Xander cried out, arched beneath him, nails sinking into Spike’s skin as his orgasm hit hard, dragging the vampire along for the incredible ride as, unknown and unnoticed, their essences fused and the Powers were ensured of their warriors: tied by blood, united in mind, body, heart and soul.




Spike spooned against Xander’s back, rubbing his face in the tangled mass that was post-fuck hair and looking forward to brushing it out tomorrow.  Looking forward to tomorrow.  Long time since I felt that.  He hugged Xander a little tighter and Xander mumbled peaceably in his sleep.  Happiness rushed through Spike and he knew he’d have to be strict with himself: no screwing this up with over-possessiveness or thoughtlessness or, God forbid, poetry.  He had Xander.  He had his Consort.  And his Consort wanted to love him, would love him.  What rhymes with Xander…?  The man in question murmured another indiscernible something and reached back, clumsily grasping Spike’s hip and pulling him closer still; Spike encouraged Xander to bend his leg and being, he acknowledged with no shame whatsoever, a bad, exploitative and exceedingly horny vampire, quickly massaged his cock to hardness and eased it into the hot, slicked body.  Xander stirred a little, muttered what was possibly, ‘Okay’, brushed a hand over the cool form moulded against him; reassured, he sank into deeper sleep.


Four or five delicate strokes and, satisfactorily embedded, Spike lay quite still, listening to the night and the soft, steady breathing of his Consort.  I did it.  I did the bloody impossible.  I won Xander Harris.  Xander.  Spike sighed contentedly and kissed Xander’s shoulder.  And all we have to do now is save the world.


Piece of cake.




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