A Christmas to Remember

 

Xander looked up as Spike walked back into the room.  He had been slowly sweeping the popcorn bits up, content to let Spike put Bran to bed.  It was odd, having someone else there to take up that chore.  Not that it was a chore.  Xander loved putting Bran to bed.  Tucking him in, reading him one of their favorite stories, kissing him goodnight, then wishing him sweet dreams. 

 

Tonight he'd kissed Bran goodnight in the living room and watched another man cajole Bran into brushing his teeth and then heading to his room for pajamas.  He'd heard faint whisperings of Spike's voice as he read one of Bran's favorites, Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.  He laughed softly to himself when he heard Spike replace "Czechoslovakia" with "England", more so because he heard Bran's faint giggling in the background.

 

He smiled at Spike as the blond grabbed up the dustpan full of popcorn and dumped it into the trash bag Xander had brought into the living room.  "He fall asleep okay?"  Xander asked, continuing at his task.

 

"Sure, mate.  No problem, fell off before the story was even finished," Spike answered, head down.

 

"Thanks."

 

"You're welcome, luv."  Spike finally looked up, giving Xander a brilliant smile.  "'Sides, not like the bit would stay up and risk the wrath of Old Saint Nick."

 

"Yeah."  Xander smiled fondly. 

 

It took a while, cleaning up after the mess they'd made.  They worked together in silence, neither feeling it necessary to fill the void.  When they were done, Spike stepped into the kitchen to brew a pot of coffee while Xander took the opportunity to check on Bran to make sure he was really asleep.  When Xander was satisfied that his son was lost in dreamland, he rejoined Spike in the living room, stopping along the way to grab the pile of presents they'd hidden in the hall closet.

 

Spike was sitting on the couch, sipping some coffee, when Xander entered.  He gestured to a second mug filled with steaming hot liquid and received a grateful smile from Xander. 

 

After Xander placed the packages on the floor he made his way to the couch, taking a seat by Spike, who was holding up the second mug in offering.  Xander took it, sipping at the hot liquid and loving the feel of it burning down his throat.  He groaned as the warmth spread through him, reinvigorating him in time for the arduous task of wrapping the mass of presents they'd bought.

 

Spike's body twitched in reaction to the soft groan Xander emitted.  Spike was still a bit confused at the way Xander made him feel, at the fact that he was not only attracted to, but involved with, another man.  It's not something he'd ever considered himself capable of.  But as he watched Xander close his eyes and lean his head back in a moment of quiet peace, Spike found himself leaning forward.  Pressing his lips against those oh, so soft ones he was getting to know so well.  Xander hummed against his mouth, the vibrations tickling Spike's senses, making him deepen the kiss. 

 

Spike pulled away slowly, letting his lips linger against Xander's.  "Ready, luv?"  Spike eyed the mound of presents they had to wrap warily.

 

"Hmmm?"  Xander was trying to follow Spike's retreating lips to no avail.  "Huh?"

 

"To wrap, Xan.  You know?  Bloody Christmas?"  Spike smirked.

 

"Oh."  Xander smiled shyly.  He glanced up at the clock; it was just past midnight.  "Merry Christmas, Spike."

 

"Merry Christmas, Xan."  They kissed again, softly.

 

This time Xander pulled away first, sighing reluctantly.  "We better start on Bran's presents.  It's gonna take forever to wrap them."  Xander gave Spike a goofy smile, knowing how much Bran was going to love waking up to the mound of presents under the tree, and loving the fact that Spike had helped him pick them out.  This was another new experience for him.  Having someone to celebrate Christmas with.  For all the years he'd had Bran, it had been just the two of them.  Xander glanced over at Spike, wrapping one of the sets of Legos they'd gotten, and let himself just enjoy sharing the moment.

 

"Xan?"

 

"Yeah?"

 

"You okay?"

 

Xander let the slow smile spread across his features.  He was surprised his cheek muscles weren't sore from all the activity they'd gotten over the past week. "Yeah."

 

***

 

It was past 3 A.M. before they went to bed.  Both men were exhausted, but all the presents were wrapped and piled haphazardly under the tree.  While Xander brushed his teeth, Spike took the trash bags full of popcorn down to the trash chute.  They flopped into bed together, neither needing to ask what the night's sleeping arrangements were going to be.  Both just doing what felt right.

 

They woke up with Bran bouncing on their bed, clapping his hands loudly until they woke.  "It's Christmas!" he shouted before jumping off the bed and racing toward the living room.

 

They smiled at each other, kissing softly, before following Bran out to the tree.  The boy was already shaking the first of many packages, listening for clues to its contents.  "Look daddy!"  Bran exclaimed, holding up the package in his hand.  "Santa came!"  He beamed at his father.

 

"I told you, buddy," Xander reminded him, mussing his hair and garnering a disgusted look from his son.  "Sorry," he chuckled, seating himself on the couch. 

 

Before he had time to really notice that Spike hadn't joined him, the other man was walking towards him with three mugs in his hands.  Xander quirked an eyebrow at him, questioning the intelligence of giving Bran a cup of Spike's favored elixir, coffee.  Spike smirked, placing all three mugs on the coffee table in front of Xander, who snickered when he saw the half-melted marshmallows floating at the top.

 

"It might not be such a good idea to give him any chocolate either," Xander suggested.  "He's already pretty buzzed on the Christmas high."

 

Spike chuckled, turning to watch Bran as he ransacked the pile, tossing ripped paper hither and yon.  The mess was growing, but Spike didn't mind.  Seeing Bran so happy and Xander so relaxed made everything worthwhile. 

 

"Sure you don't mind Joyce and da coming over later, Xan?" Spike asked again, not wanting to make Xander uncomfortable.

 

"No," Xan assured him.  "Yeah, I mean, it's your house and they're your family.  'Course I don't mind."

 

"You're family too, luv."  Spike gave him a gentle reminder.

 

"I know," Xander mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck with an open palm.  "I'm trying, Spike."

 

"I know, luv."  Spike grasped Xander's free hand and brought it up for a kiss.  When Xander looked up, Spike smiled reassuringly.

 

Just then Bran opened one of the new Lego sets they had picked up and he squealed in delight.  "Legos!  Daddy!  Look what Santa brought!  Legos!"  He shook the box at Xander.  "Can we build another castle, here?  Huh?  Can we?" he asked eagerly, already opening the box and spilling its contents onto the floor.

 

"Another castle?"  Xander laughed, dropping onto the floor beside Bran to help him pile the Legos up.  "Don't you want to do something else with them, Bran?  Santa brought you these cause we already made a castle at home and you never want to take it apart!"  He shook his head as Bran started to pile the Legos into a square fort for the base of the castle.

 

"But that one's at *home*, daddy!"  Bran explained.  "I want one here, too.  So that whenever we come over to Will's house we can play knights and dragons and castles!"

 

That stopped both Spike and Xander short, bringing up thoughts that neither man wanted to contemplate yet.  What would happen when Xander and Bran had to go home?

 

"Well, luv," Spike joined them both on the floor.  "Be happy to help you build another castle."  Spike piled a few Legos on to the ever-increasing wall Bran had started.  "Mind if I give your da his Christmas pressie first?"

 

"Santa brought daddy a present, too?"  Bran's eyes grew wide.

 

"No, bit," Spike smiled, reaching past Bran for two small packages under the tree.  "Not Santa, just a friend."  He turned his smile toward Xander, blushing faintly.  "Even daddies get presents for Christmas."

 

"What did ya get, daddy?  What'dya get?"  Bran asked eagerly, bouncing up and down.

 

"I don't know, buddy."  Xander fingered the packages reverently.  He hadn't expected anything from Spike.  Hadn't gotten the other man anything in return.  Was shocked at the depth of feelings Spike's gesture pulled from him.  "Guess I should open them and see, huh?"  He glanced up briefly, meeting Spike's eyes, then glancing down quickly.  He wasn't sure what emotions his face revealed, but thought that if they were anywhere close to what he was actually feeling, he didn't want Spike to see them.

 

The first package was flat and square.  He unwrapped it slowly, pushing at the tape with his thumbnail before carefully peeling it away.  He recognized the CD almost immediately, had a copy of it at home.  But he didn't think that was the point.  In fact he knew it wasn't.  There was small note card taped to the front.  Spike's elegant script ran across it in slanted lines. 

 

~

For all that I'm a writer, I'm no bloody good with words, Xan.  So I'll borrow them, from a band I think you know.
~

 

Xander ran shaking fingers over Metallica's Reload CD before finishing the note.

 

~

I'll fight the demons with you, luv.  We'll make them run, together, Xan.  Open the door, yeah?

 

Yours,

Spike

~

 

Xander was trembling.  What was Spike saying?  He looked up to see the other man watching him intently.  Xander just stared, paralyzed.  Even Bran's bouncing and happy babbling didn't break his immobility.

 

"Open the other one, yeah?"  Spike nudged him, shoving the second package into his hand.

 

It took Xander more than a minute to build up the courage to open the second box.  He wasn't sure why he was scared; why he was afraid to see what else Spike had given him, but he was.

 

It was a jewelry box, another note card on top. 

 

~

Got my own demons, too, luv.  Take my key, Xan?  Can I bury it in you?

 

Yours,

Spike

~

 

The lid flipped open, echoing loudly in Xander's ears.  The light caught, glittering against the gold.  A tiny skeleton key dangled from a chain.  Xander reached out, tentative, fingers brushing against the charm.

 

Spike watched, waiting for a sign.  Had he gone too far?  He'd picked both presents up at the mall while Xander had still been in Toys 'R Us shopping for Bran.  It hadn't taken long.  He'd already known he wanted the CD.  Had planned on only giving that, with a note, much like the one he'd attached.  On the way back from the music store, though, he'd seen one of those jewelry carts in the middle of the walkway.  The key had caught his eye, apropos of nothing.  He'd bought the necklace immediately.

 

Now he was beginning to think he'd made a mistake.  Maybe he'd let show too much of what he was feeling.  Everything was so new to him, so different.  Spike wasn't sure how he was supposed to act.  What he was supposed to do.  He'd gone with his instincts, but now doubted their sensibility.

 

He was about to apologize.  To take the packages back, tell Xan that they were easily returned, when Xander finally looked up.  "Thank you."  The words were mouthed, but Spike understood.  Could finally see that Xander had been silent, still, not because he was offended or thinking of a way to let Spike down easily.  But because he hadn't been capable of more.  Spike reached out, placing his hand atop Xander's trembling one.

 

Xander tried to speak, but choked.  Cleared his throat, then tried again.  "Will you," he swallowed back the lump in his throat,  "will you help me put it on?"

 

Spike nodded, taking the box gingerly from Xander's open hand.  He unclasped the chain then nudged Xander until the other man turned, facing away.  Spike lifted the necklace, laying the key against Xander's sun burnished throat before clasping the chain around his neck.  Before letting go completely he can't help but lean forward and press a soft kiss on Xander's nape.  At the feel of Spike's lips, Xander closed his eyes and leaned back into the touch.   

 

Bran broke into the moment with a loud exclamation and a pointing finger.  "Will!"  Bran poked at the air in front of Spike.  "Are you daddy's friend?!" he accused.

 

"'course I am, luv.  Yours, too," Spike answered, confused.

 

"No!"  Bran giggled into his hand, shaking his head.  "You said a *friend* gave daddy his presents.  Was it you?  It was you, huh, Will?"  Bran bounced up and down, pleased at his own cleverness, still poking the air in front of Spike.

 

Instead of answering, Spike growled and snapped his teeth at the offending finger.  Bran giggled and took off, Spike chasing after him.  Xander watched the scene, Spike and Bran playing, running wild through the discarded wrapping paper, bits and pieces of tape sticking to their trousers. 

 

Xander watched Bran laughing and racing across the room.  His heart pounded hard against his chest.  Bran loved spending time with Spike.  Bran might even love Spike.  The thought made Xander's chest hurt.  Jealousy?  A bit.  After all, he and Bran had had only each other for the past seven plus years.  Now there was Spike, and Giles, and Joyce, and soon Buffy would enter the picture as well.

 

Xander sighed.  The safe little room he'd locked Bran and himself in was no longer empty.  Spike was the first to push his way in, but Xander didn't think he'd be the last.  He fingered the key resting against the hollow of his throat.  Was it a good thing?  Or a bad thing?  If he let the others in, would it still be safe?

 

Xander only just heard a rapping at their door over the racket Spike and Bran were making.  He stood, heaving himself off the comfy couch, and went to answer, schooling his expression.  He wiped quickly at the moisture that hung in his eyes, before turning the knob and greeting Joyce and Giles.

 

"Happy Christmas, Xander," Giles greeted him.

 

"Merry Christmas, Giles.  Joyce."  He nodded at them both before stepping out of the way to let them enter.

 

"Merry Christmas, Xander," Joyce answered, smiling tentatively.  When Xander smiled back, her grin grew wider and more genuine.

 

The squealing from the living room drew their attention as Xander closed the door.  "Spike must have caught him."  He shrugged, leading them into the fray.

 

When they entered the living room, Spike had Bran pinned on the couch, tickling him mercilessly.  Bran was screaming and giggling and screaming in intermittent bursts.  "Daaaaaaadddddddyyyyyy!  HELP!" he beseeched his dad when he saw Xander reenter the room.

 

"I'm coming, buddy."  Xander pounced on Spike, grabbing the man from behind and wrapping his arms around his waist.  He pulled, throwing them both off balance and causing them to land hard on the floor.  Laughing, Bran jumped atop them both and started tickling at random.  All three were in a giggling mass on the floor when Giles cleared his throat.

 

They untangled quickly, slouching sheepishly, Spike with a red tint to his cheeks.  "Oh yeah, your dad and Joyce are here," Xander announced belatedly.

 

Giles smiled, as did Joyce, at the picture the three boys made, heads bowed in silent apology; Spikes embarrassed flush, Bran's exuberant smile, and Xander's wary expression.  "Quite all right.  We've just brought over a few more presents."

 

"Presents!"  Bran exclaimed, standing and racing toward the couple, throwing his arms around each leg in turn.  "Merry Christmas!"

 

The next few minutes were spent watching Bran tear through the newly arrived presents.  Giles' present was a new picture book, called SkippyJon Jones.  Apparently it was the story of a Siamese cat who spent his days daydreaming about being a Chihuahua.  Bran was half in love with the story already.  Joyce got him a set of art supplies.  The kit included drawing paper, pencils and a how to book.  Xander had skimmed through it and figured it was something both of them could work on together.

 

By the end of the afternoon, Xander was embarrassed that he hadn't thought to get anyone besides Bran a Christmas present.  He hadn't had to think about Christmas presents for anyone but Bran since Willow's death, and it just hadn't occurred to him.  Both Joyce and Giles stated that they hadn't expected a thing.  Yet they each had gotten him something.  A pair of trousers and a nice dress shirt from Joyce, and a fountain pen engraved with his name from Giles.

 

After all the presents had been handed out, Bran had returned to playing on the floor with his new toys.  The four of them sat around drinking coffee and talking for a few minutes.  It was getting easier for Xander to spend time with Joyce, to not see her as the enemy, or a complete stranger.  She talked about Buffy for a bit, giving him some more background.

 

All in all, Xander felt more relaxed and happier than he could remember ever being in the past 10 years of Christmases gone.  They talked about visiting Buffy the next day.  Though they wouldn't be allowed to see her, they wanted to visit the hospital, talk to Dr. Calendar and possibly stick some Christmas cards on the glass window where Buffy could see them from her bed.

 

Giles, Spike and Joyce began to clean up the mugs and cookie platters that were sitting on the coffee table, while Xander tried to get Bran to go to his room to change the cocoa stained shirt he was sporting.  He left Bran in his room putting on his Captain America T-shirt. 

 

Xander shook his head at the longevity of comics.  He had been a Captain America fan when he was Bran's age as well.  He heard voices in the kitchen and headed in that direction, wanting to rejoin the cozy comfort of having a shared Christmas, but stopped short at the first words that floated over.

 

"Xander's a wonderful man."  Joyce's voice echoed.

 

They were talking about him.  Xander felt odd stepping into the room after that statement.  So he waited.

 

"Yeah, luv, I know."  Spike sounded shy and unsure.  Xander smiled.  "You both know I have strong feelings for him.  For them both."  Xander's smile grew wider.

 

"So, what's the problem, Will?"  Giles asked, concern in his voice.

 

Xander heard Spike sigh heavily.  He leaned in closer.  Xander hadn't known there was a problem.  Spike had constantly reassured him about their budding relationship.

 

"It's Bran, da."  Xander's heart stopped.  "Don't know if I want to be a ready made father.  To have a child in my life permanently."

 

Xander's heart beat heavily against his chest.  There was a ringing in his ears that drowned out the sound of the rest of the voices in the kitchen.  He felt numb as he turned back toward Bran's room.

 

"I'm afraid, da.  Don't want to mess up.  They've both had enough people bollocks up their lives."

 

"Will, there's no guarantees when you become a father.  Whether they are just birthed, or 7 years old," Giles explained.  "Do you love him?  Bran, I mean?"

 

"I think I love them both, da," Spike admitted, quietly.

 

"That's all that matters then," Giles assured his son, patting him comfortingly on the shoulder.  "To be a good father you just have to love him, love them both, to the best of your abilities."

 

Spike nodded, still unsure.