Love and Kisses

 

Xander pulled away, reflexively.  "But you - "

 

"What?  But I what, Xan?"  Spike encircled Xander's wrist before he could completely get away.

 

Xander's mind was spinning.  He'd already convinced himself that Spike didn't love him.  The possibility that Anthony had been right and that he was truly unlovable had become, in Xander's mind at least, a known fact.  So he must have misheard.  His stupid mind playing tricks on him again.

 

"No."  Spike knew what Xander was thinking.  "Don't do that.  You heard me.  I love you.  I'll say it as many times as I have to for you to believe it."

 

"But, I - "

 

"No."  Spike put a finger against Xander's lips to stop any more protests.  "You didn't hear the whole conversation, Xan."  He maneuvered Xander over to the small couch, keeping a firm hold of his hand.  "I.  Love.  You."  He enunciated every word carefully, kissing Xander between each syllable.  "And I love Bran, too.  Don't you see, luv?  That's why I was afraid.  Why I wasn't sure I wanted things to be permanent.  I love Bran, don’t want to bollocks him up.  I don't know the first thing about being someone's da."  Spike paused before continuing in a hushed voice,  "Don't want to bollocks you up, either, luv."

 

Xander couldn't speak.  He just stared at Spike in wonder, hope filling his wide, brown eyes.

 

Spike kissed the palm of Xander's hand, never breaking eye contact.  "Fear, luv.  That's all.  Don't ever think that you aren't lovable, or worth loving."  They kissed again, sweet and chaste.  "Gods, I think I fell in love with you the very first time I looked into your eyes."  Spike cupped Xander's cheek, rubbing his thumb gently along the skin just below Xander's eye.

 

They sat there for a long moment, neither wanting to move and break the spell.  Finally Xander spoke. "We should probably get back.  Bran might be worried."

 

"No worries, Xan.  I told Bran and that Tara bint that we had a few things to discuss," Spike reassured him, though he stood, tugging on Xander's hand.  "But you're right.  Want to get you home.  Want to talk in private.  Want to make up with you proper."

 

The last statement made Xander look up sharply.  He was intrigued to find Spike blushing.

 

***

 

Though Xander had taken a later shift than normal, Bran was still awake when they'd gotten home.  From the sheepish look Tara gave them, Xander figured Bran refused to sleep until Spike kept his promise and came back to see him.

 

The moment they walked in the door, Bran was rushing toward Spike.

 

"Will!"  Spike swung Bran up into his arms.  "You came back!"

 

"I promised, didn't I?"

 

Bran didn't answer, but snuggled closer.

 

After thanking Tara and seeing her out, Xander returned to find Bran snuggling with Spike on the couch.

 

"I missed you."

 

The whispered words coming from his son's lips caused Xander's heart to lurch.

 

"Missed you, too, bit," Spike assured him, kissing the top of his head.

 

It took Xander a moment to swallow the lump in his throat.  Regretfully, he informed Bran it was time for bed.  "It's late, buddy."

 

"But daddy, Will just got here!  Can't I stay up extra?"  Bran turned his puppy dog eyes on, but Xander resisted.  He had, after all, built up a small immunity over the years.

 

"Sorry, Bran."  He bent to scoop his son out of Spike's arms.

 

"Wait, luv."  Spike pulled Bran closer.  "How 'bout I put the little blighter to bed?  Can read him a story, as well, yeah?"

 

Xander nodded, giving silent assent, unsure of how steady his voice would be.  He watched Spike carry Bran into his bedroom and listened to the soft voices as he made his way into the kitchen to brew some coffee.

 

God, he couldn't believe that Spike was really here.  If he was dreaming he was going to be royally pissed off when he woke up.  But everything was too vivid, too real.  It couldn't be a dream.  It had to be reality.

 

He must have been lost in thought for quite awhile, because before he knew it Spike's arms were wrapping around his waist and pulling him into a loose embrace.  They fitted together, Spike pressed against his back, and just stood, silent.

 

Finally, Xander sighed, turning so that they could face one another.  "Spike, what are we going to do?"

 

"What do you mean, luv?"  Spike couldn't resist giving Xander a swift peck on the nose.

 

He smiled at the gesture, wrapping his own arms more tightly around Spike.  "I mean, how are we supposed to make this work?  We live thousands of miles apart."

 

Spike trailed a finger over Xander's cheek, willing away the sad expression he wore.  "Xan, the last few days have been 'ell, thinkin'... well, thinkin' that you left because you overheard me that night."  Spike shook his head and looked away.

 

Xander's expression changed to one of puzzlement.  "But I did.  I'm sorry, I didn't hear the whole thing, Spike.  I'm sorry I left like that."

 

Chuckling, Spike turned back, face tinged a dusky pink.  "It's the part you missed I was afraid you'd heard."  He chuckled again at the irony.  "I told my da and Joyce that I loved you.  You and Bran.  Was afraid you'd heard and cut out.  Thought I'd buggered the whole thing up."

 

"Oh, Spike!  No, I'm sorry.  God, how could you think - ?  I mean I can't even believe that you do - "

Spike put a finger to Xander's lips to silence him once more.  "Shh, luv.  You know now that I do, yeah?"

 

Xander nodded, Spike's warm finger still pressed gently against his lips.

 

"So let's just take a few to get used to the idea, hmm?  You loving me.  Me loving you."  Spike kissed him between each sentence.  "Before we go predicting doom, okay, luv?"

 

It was hard to argue with that kind of logic.  Especially since Xander's brain had pretty much shut down now that the kissing had deepened into a kind of heavy petting.  His hands moved of their own volition, taking in Spike's form, crushing their bodies closer.

 

Spike let out a strangled groan at the first brush of denim covered cocks.  He thrust forward, instinctively seeking more of the delicious friction as he let Xander take over the kiss he'd initiated.  God, he was so hard.  And so ready.  Did Xander know that?

 

Spike pulled away for a fraction of a second, long enough to whisper harshly, "Bed, luv?"

 

Xander paused halfway toward pulling Spike back against him.  Was he saying what Xander thought he was saying?  "Spike, are you sure?  I mean, it's okay if you want to wait."  When Spike didn't answer right away, Xander fidgeted, wondering if he'd assumed too much.  "Or, did you mean you just wanted to go to sleep?"

 

Spike gave a strangled laugh.  He caught hold of Xander's hand and brought it down against the bulge pushing against his zipper.  "Does that feel like I just want to go to sleep, Xan?"

 

"No."

 

"Shall we then, luv?"

 

Xander fought back against the tide of arousal threatening to swamp him.  He wanted to be able to think clearly, to be gentle, and to make sure that Spike enjoyed every second of his first time. 

 

"Is something wrong, Xan?  Are you worried about Bran?"  Spike hadn't considered the fact that Bran would be sleeping only a few doors down.  Maybe Xander didn't want to have sex while Bran was home?

 

 

Xander started at the question.  God, he hadn't even thought about Bran!  Lost in the moment, swamped by want, he hadn't thought beyond the shock of finally having what he'd dreamed of since the moment he'd seen that first shock of blond hair through his peephole.

 

"I... I don't know."  Xander's shoulders slumped.  "I've never brought anyone home before.  I mean, he doesn't usually wake up in the middle of the night, but I’m not sure."

 

"We don't have to do anything tonight, Xan.  I," Spike looked down at his shoes shyly.  "Just wanted you to know I was ready, luv.  If you want me."

 

"God, Spike!  Of course I want you!"  Xander bit at his bottom lip.  "I...does it make me a bad dad if I say I want you enough to risk it?"

 

"No, luv."  Spike leaned forward and kissed Xander sweetly.  "Millions of parents are out there right now doing exactly what we want to do.  Nothing wrong with that."  Spike didn't voice the thought that if he had his way they'd have to figure something out sooner or later, because he was going to stick around for the rest of his life if Xander would have him.  And they couldn't leave the house every time they wanted to shag.

 

Chuckling softly, Xander pulled away.  "I think you're a little biased."

 

Spike smirked.  "Might be at that, luv.  But 's true, you know.  Parents do it all the time.  They don't all get baby-sitters whenever they want a shag."

 

"You're right, I know.  I guess I'm just being silly.  This is a first for me, too, you know."  Xander smiled.  "God, I've never even met anyone I wanted to introduce to Bran, let alone sleep with while he was in the apartment."

 

"I know, Xan.  Thank you."  Spike took both Xander's hands in his and just held them.

 

"Why don't we just go and get ready for bed, then see what happens, okay?  I'm just gonna go check on Bran, make sure he's sleeping all right."

 

Spike released Xander's hands, grabbing the duffel he'd brought instead. 

 

By the time Xander locked up the apartment for the night, Spike was already under the covers.  Xander smiled as he walked in, loving the sight of Spike there in his bed.  He undressed quickly, throwing on a pair of boxers before sliding in next to his love.  A sappy thought, but it gave Xander a thrill to say it, even just in his own head. 

 

"What are you smiling at, luv?"  Spike asked, wanting to know what had put such a beautiful expression on Xander's face.

 

"Just thinking."

 

"Thinking what, Xan?"

 

Xander blushed, ducking his head.  "Just thinking that I can call you love, now.  You know, cause that's what you are.  My love."  He smiled sheepishly, daring to look up into Spike's eyes.  "It's okay to say, cause you know.  And you don't mind."

 

Spike didn't know what to say.  The look on Xander's face, the fact that it was okay cause he 'didn't mind', said so much about Xander's past that it was almost a physical pain.  Spike didn't have the words so he just pulled Xander close and kissed him.

 

Xander's mouth opened almost immediately upon contact.  And Spike didn't hesitate to push his way through, exploring Xander thoroughly.

 

It wasn't long before hands were moving, and legs were entwined.  Spike groaned at the feel of Xander's hard cock rubbing up against his leg.  His thrusting rhythm made Spike buck and reach for Xander's boxers.  Pushing them down until he was naked, and Spike could feel the wet tip of his erection poking at his trembling thigh.

 

"Luv," Spike's voice was hoarse.  "Is this - I mean, are you okay?  Can we - ?"

 

"Yes," Xander groaned, pulling Spike closer.  Pushing and tugging until Spike was naked against him.  Reaching down, he covered Spike's dick with a warm hand, cupping and squeezing until his lover whimpered.

 

"Are you sure you want to do this tonight, Spike?"

 

"More than, luv.  More than," Spike assured him, wanting to feel more of Xander, wanting more than anything for Xan to make love to him.  "Please."

 

Xander leant forward for another quick peck on the lips before moving downward.  He kissed his way down Spike's jaw and neck, until he reached his chest.  Xander spent some time licking and tasting Spike's skin before zeroing in on a nipple. 

 

When Xander latched onto a nipple Spike closed his eyes to focus on the sensations.  He'd never in a million years thought he'd ever be here, in another man's bed being pleasured and loved.  But here he was.  And all he wanted was more.

 

The feel of Xander above him, the rasp of his tongue on his skin had Spike throbbing almost painfully.  He wanted more, wanted Xander inside him.  "Please, Xan."

 

"What, Spike?  What do you want?"  Xander teased, his hand wandering further down Spike's body.  "Want me to touch you here?"  He grabbed Spike's cock and pulled.  "Or here?"  Fingers gently probed at Spike's opening.

 

"Yes!  Oh, fuck!  Yes, Xan.  Please!"  Spike spread his legs wide, begging Xander to touch him, to fill him.

 

Xander reached his free hand over to the bedside table, opening the tiny drawer there.  He pulled out a small tube, and squeezed some lube onto a finger.  "Tell me if I hurt you," he whispered, before gently pushing in one thick digit.

 

Oh, God!  Spike didn't know what he was feeling.  He pushed back against Xander's finger, forcing back the slight burn of pain.  It didn't matter.  Only having Xander there, inside him mattered, but he couldn't hold back the tiny whimper.

 

"Are you okay?"  Xander stopped, letting Spike adjust to the intrusion.  "Spike?"

 

Spike eyes blinked open.  "Fine, luv.  Keep going, yeah?"  He closed his eyes again, willing his sphincter to relax and stretch.

 

Slowly Xander pushing in all the way, then began thrusting slowly in an out.  After a minute or so, once he'd felt Spike's tunnel relax against him, he added a second finger and began to scissor them wide.

 

Fuck!  Spike felt stuffed full, and these were just Xan's fingers!  What was it going to feel like to have Xan inside him?  His hard cock pressing in and out, filling him?

Spike was tight, and Xander worried that he wouldn't be able to take him without a lot of pain.  But he kept going, adding some more lube and a third finger.  He'd wait as long as it took for Spike to get used to the fullness, the stretching.  He wanted this to be good for him, to show him that they could be good together.

 

While he prepared Spike, Xander set about tasting every bit of skin he could get his lips and tongue on.  He loved the taste of Spike.  The salty sweat mixed with the man's own unique flavor.  He dipped down once or twice to take Spike's cock in his mouth, but moved off as soon as Spike showed any sign of comeming too soon.

 

Oh, God!  Spike was going crazy. Xander was all over him, above him, inside him.  And he wasn't sure he could take much more.  He'd been on the edge for what felt like hours, and Xander still hadn't taken him completely.  He didn't want to come until Xander was buried to the hilt, balls deep inside of him.

 

"Xan, luv, now.  Please.  Now, luv," Spike begged.

 

Xander pulled his fingers out, grabbing the lube to slick up his cock.  "Sure you're ready, Spike?"  Xan asked, not wanting them to rush if Spike wasn't fully prepared.

 

"Fuck, yes!  Please!"

 

"Maybe you should turn over onto your stomach?  Make it easier?"  Xander suggested.

 

Spike shook his head.  "Want to see you, luv.  Want to watch you make love to me."

 

Nodding, Xander positioned himself, the fat mushroom head of his cock pushing against Spike's opening.  He pulled Spike's legs up so that they were over his shoulders, opening him wide.  Slowly, ever so slowly, he pressed forward.  "This is the hardest part, okay?  Just try to relax, until I can get the head through, okay?"

 

Spike nodded, his face tensing with pain as Xander breached the tight ring.  Xan leaned forward to kiss the pained expression away as he pushed even further in.  Finally, he felt a tiny give as Spike accepted the tip of his cock.

 

They both groaned, Xander having the presence of mind to stop and wait for Spike to adjust.  "Bear down on me, it'll make it easier for you," Xander instructed as he began to push forward once more.

 

The tightness increased for a moment, making Xander worry, but then suddenly his cock was sliding in, his balls slapping against Spike's ass. 

 

"Fuuuck!"  Xander groaned.  "Spike, you feel so good.  So tight.  God!"

 

Spike couldn't speak.  He felt so full, so incredibly stuffed that he wanted to cry out, but found that his voice had deserted him.  He wanted Xander to move, to thrust in and out of him until they were both coming hard.  But he couldn't say the words.  Couldn't say anything.  So instead he tightened his muscles around Xander's cock and thrust his hips, hoping to give Xander a hint of what he wanted.

 

"Aaah!"  Xander shouted at the feel of Spike's tunnel contracting around him.  He began to move slowly at first.  Then quickened his pace as he realized Spike wasn't in any pain.  He changed his angle, wanting to hit Spike on his sweet spot, give him the maximum pleasure possible.

 

"Holy fuck, Xan!"  Spike finally found his voice.  Crying out just as Xander hit something inside him, something incredible, something that made his whole body light on fire.

 

"Feel good, Spike?"  Xander's thrusts became increasingly frantic.  "Like that?  Like me inside you, touching you there?"  Xander reached down to grasp Spike's leaking cock.  Wanting to push the other man over the edge.

 

The moment Xander touched his dick he was erupting.  He pulsed in Xander's hand, shooting come all over the both of them, crying out as the orgasm was wrung out of him.  "Xan!"

 

Seeing Spike come, the wild way he abandoned himself to the sensations, made Xander's hips pump furiously.  "Spike, God, that was beautiful.  You're beautiful."  Xander kissed him again, wanting to delve deep enough to taste Spike's soul.  "Fuck, I love you."  And within seconds he felt his cock throb and his own hot, sticky semen rushing to coat Spike's walls.  He collapsed on top of Spike, exhausted.

 

"Lrudfou."

 

"Huh?"  Xander moved off Spike, hoping to hear him better.  Both men sighed as Xander slipped out.

 

Spike moved quickly to wrap Xander in a warm embrace, keeping him close.  "Said, love you, too."  He kissed Xander's forehead, then pulled back to smile at his lover.  "Thank you, luv.  That was... amazing."

 

"Thank you," Xander leaned forward for another kiss.  "For not letting me run away."

 

"I'll always come after you, Xan," Spike answered earnestly.

 

"I know."  Xander's heart ached with its fullness.

 

They kissed languidly for a few more minutes before Xander got up to get some washcloths.  After cleaning up briefly, they fell back into each other's arms.   Snuggling close, they drifted off into dreams.