SALVATION: 20
by Margie

 

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Xander's gaze wandered across the table.  His heart skipped in his chest as he watched Buffy laughing softly at something Bran had said.

 

It was only a few weeks ago that Buffy had been closeted away in the hospital, unable to touch or be touched by anyone.  Xander had visited her several times, talking through the intercom and waving at her through the glass.  He'd wanted to get to know her, to give each of them a chance to discover what it was like to have a sibling.

 

He'd found that what Spike had said from the very beginning had been true.  Buffy didn't deserve any of this, and she sure as hell didn't deserve to die.  He could only thank God that Spike had convinced him to return to Sunnydale and help her before it was too late.

 

They'd had long conversations across the glass partition, and Xander had reveled in the chance to get to know his sister.  He remembered asking her, a bit tentatively, whether she minded if he called her "Sis" on occasion, something he'd secretly wanted to do since he'd begun visiting.

 

Buffy's eyes had grown over-bright, and he rushed to assure her his feelings wouldn't be hurt if she declined.  He felt like a heel when she began to cry, and wanted to take the request back.  "Buffy, I'm sorry, forget it, it's no big deal.  Don't cry, please," he'd begged, afraid he'd done irreparable harm to their budding relationship.

 

"Oh, Xander," Buffy let the tears fall then, a heartfelt sigh escaping her lips,  "I'd *love* it if you called me that.  Do you really think of me as your sister, now?"

 

He'd nodded, his own tears forming a lump in his throat that he fought back with all his might.  Jesus, he'd cried so much since first meeting Spike that Xander thought that maybe he'd just been saving up the tears all these years.

 

"Thank you," Buffy had whispered, breaking Xander's heart just a little bit.

 

That night he'd gone home to Spike, his emotions a tangle in his chest.  Spike had somehow known the moment he'd walked in how Xander was feeling and said nothing, only took Xander into his arms and held him close as they snuggled on the couch.  Spike had dropped gentle kisses on his forehead, his cheek, his mouth, and kept his hand moving in soothing circles on Xander's back.  

 

Xander didn't know why he felt like such a mess.  The conversation he'd had with Buffy had been wonderful, and he felt more loved now than he had in a million years.  Maybe a part of him thought it was too good to be true, maybe a part of him thought he didn't deserve it.  He wasn't sure.  But he felt at that moment as if he had to cling to Spike, to this new life he'd somehow miraculously stumbled upon.

 

"I love you," Xander whispered into the crook of Spike's neck.

 

"Love you, too, Xan,"  Spike answered, tightening his embrace with the words.

 

Bran had come out then, overly excited over the story his teacher had been reading them in class.  Xander and Spike listened attentively as he went on and on about a little boy who'd won a trip to a chocolate factory and the amazing adventures he'd had there.  Xander already knew what to get Bran for his birthday next month, one of his favorite movies as a kid.

 

Bran's voice brought him back to the present, "Yay!  Cookies!  Thanks, Gramma!"  Xander looked over to see Joyce dropping a few cookies in front of Bran, apparently their dessert for the evening.  At the head of the table Giles was scooping ice cream into bowls.  Xander's breath hitched at the feeling that he was finally home, finally a part of that Norman Rockwell scene he'd envied so much his entire life.

 

"Thanks, Joyce."  Xander looked up and smiled as Joyce placed cookies on his plate.  She smiled back and Xander warmed inside.  He still couldn't bring himself to call her "Mom" and wasn't sure he ever could, but they were getting closer, and Xander was letting go of some of the pain and some of the anger.  He couldn't watch her with Bran and believe that she was as cold-hearted and selfish as he'd always assumed.

 

Next to him, Spike placed a warm hand on his knee and squeezed.  Xander turned and gave him a chaste peck on the lips.  God, he felt so lucky, rich beyond measure, beyond anything he'd ever let himself hope.

 

He circled the room with his eyes, his gaze landing one by one on each of the people who'd come to mean so much to him; Bran his son, Buffy his sister, Joyce his mother, Giles his father, and Spike his husband.  He'd never thought he'd have so much, but here he was.

 

Spike glanced up as Xander was studying him, a cocky grin on his face.  Before he could say a word, Xander leaned in and gave him a slightly more than chaste kiss, though mindful of the other people in the room.  "Thank you," Xander whispered as he withdrew his lips, his forehead pressing lightly against Spike's.

 

"For what, luv?"  Spike's brow furrowed in question.

 

"For everything," Xander sighed, taking Spike's hand in his and entwining their fingers.

 

 

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