BEGGARS
CAN'T BE CHOOSERS 7
By
Nash
Notes
Xander was getting ready to leave the hospital when Spike came back to see him.
Willow had explained that Xander had talked himself into a state of agitation
and nothing anyone would say could reach him. The best Spike could do was to
leave him alone for a few days to collect his thoughts.
So the vampire
had kept himself away from the hospital for three days. Now he had to know what
was going to happen. If Xander didn't want him then he'd just have to move out
of the apartment. Spike couldn't face the thought of living with him and not
touching him…of watching him go out with other people…having fun without him.
The vampire took a deep breath and asked the question that had been plaguing him
for three days.
"Have you decided yet? Are you leaving me?" he asked,
pain radiating from every pore.
The boy looked up in surprise. "You're
back! I didn't think you'd come back for me," he said impulsively and then
blushed at how much he'd revealed.
"You're the one who wanted me to
leave, pet. You ordered me away and I went. I only did it cause you said you
needed time to think. So did you? Have you decided what to do yet?" Spike
retorted, anger colouring his voice, he wasn't the one who'd started all
this talking of leaving, he wasn't the one who doubted Xander's love.
"No, I-" Xander cleared his throat. "I'll take anything you can give
Spike. Second-best is better than nothing at all," he said softly, looking
anywhere but at Spike.
The blond allowed himself a moment of relief
before he stalked over to Xander and kissed him deeply, doing everything he
could think of to give him pleasure. When he pulled back, Xander was breathing
erratically and leaning on him for support. "Not second best, luv. You're so
much more than that. To me, you're more than anyone ever was," he whispered and
leaned in for another kiss.
They went back home together. The whole
experience tired Xander out so much that he was asleep in the car before they
even reached the apartment. Spike smiled sadly and picked him up. He carried his
boy to the apartment and put him into bed before undressing himself and sliding
in next to him. The vampire gently gathered Xander in his arms and settled him
down against his body.
"I love you Xan, and I'll do anything within my
power to convince you of that," he whispered to his sleeping
lover.
-------------------
Spike repeatedly tried to talk to
Xander about what happened the night he was injured but he was always rebuffed.
The brunet did not want to discuss this matter and he made his feelings
perfectly clear. Every time Spike so much as hinted at that night Xander would
get up and leave the room.
He stopped saying 'I love you' when he
realized that Xander's only reaction to the words was a pained look and a quick
change of subject.
So Spike did the only thing he could think of, he
pandered to Xander's every whim. Whatever his boy wanted, his boy would get. All
he had to do was hint at it. Sex was all about Xander's pleasure. Spike poured
everything he felt into his lovemaking, trying to convince Xander of his
feelings the only way that was open to him. Words were either not allowed or not
believed and this was the only other way he knew how to express
himself.
A few days after their return from the hospital, Spike asked
Xander if he still wanted to tell the girls about them. He figured if he showed
the boy how much he wanted them to know, Xander might relax a little around
Buffy and, more importantly, around Spike.
"If you're not up to it, we
could always ask Willow to tell them. That way they can find out without the big
dramatic revelation scene. What do you think, Xan?" he asked.
"You know
she knows?" Xander asked carefully.
"After you told me to fuck off at the
hospital, I was a bit of a mess. Red was so shocked she let slip that she knew."
Spike shrugged. "'S okay Xan, I don't mind her knowing. So, what do you think,
shall we have Willow tell them?"
"I guess," Xander replied
hesitantly.
"No, no guessing Xander. I want to tell them that I love you.
I don't care how they find out, so long as they know. And I want to know what
you want to do so spit it out," Spike stated vehemently, making his
feelings on the matter entirely clear.
The brunet closed his eyes and
took a deep breath. "I want Buffy to know you're mine," he said
quickly.
Spike sat down next to him and hugged him tight. Calling the
vampire his must be a sign that Xander was beginning to believe in him again,
right? "Then she will, Xan. I'll get Willow to tell her tonight, yeah?" he said,
smiling at him.
"Yeah," Xander sighed and let himself relax into Spike's
embrace.
-------------------
When Spike went to work that night
he marched straight to Willow and asked for her help.
"Xander won't
believe I love him," he said miserably.
Willow sighed sadly. "I'm sorry
Spike. I did warn you about this. Does he know what happened on the night?" she
asked.
"No. Every time I try to talk to him about it he walks off. I love
him, Red, I do. Why can't he just believe that?" He groaned and let his head
fall on the counter.
Willow looked at his bent head and asked, "Ever
thought of claiming him?"
"Yeah. It wouldn't work though. Not unless he
believes I love him. And if it doesn't work he'll think it's because I
don't love him enough, stupid wanker that he is," Spike mumbled into the
counter.
"So why don't you just let it be?"
The vampire lifted his
head and stared at her straight in the eye. "Cause he may be a stupid wanker,
but he's my stupid wanker and every single instinct I have says he has
got to get it through his thick head."
Having said that, he dropped his
head on the counter again. "Why do I always fall for the crazy
ones?"
Willow smiled at Spike's self-deprecating tone and went back to
checking the order sheets. A few minutes later Spike sighed and stood
up.
"Hey Red, could you let the Slayer know the wanker and I are
together? I figure he might feel better if she knows I'm taken. Got him to admit
that he considers me his. That's gotta be progress, right?" he asked hopefully.
"Gotta be," Willow echoed with a smile. "I'll take care of it tonight
when I get home, okay?"
Spike nodded and went to check out the new
shipment of goods, for any dangerous or apocalypse-inducing books, trying not to
think of Xander for at least five minutes.
-------------------
"Xander and Spike? Really?" Buffy said,
crinkling her nose. "Next thing you know Wesley will start wearing leather and
making out with Angel. Ewwww…I so didn't need that mental image," she said with
a shudder.
"Xander and Spike, really. Except Xander got it into his head
that Spike's still in love with you and he's miserable," Willow went on, feeling
more than a little relieved that Buffy took the news so well.
"So what
you're telling me is that when I had that whole soul-baring conversation with
Spike about our past and our future he was getting it on with Xander? I
am so gonna kick his undead ass. He knew I felt guilty for not loving him
back!" Buffy glared at the imaginary Spike in her head.
"Buffy, try to
focus: Xander thinks Spike is still in love with you," Willow said, thoroughly
exasperated.
"But he's not! He explained everything during 'The Talk'.
The demon part of him was in love with me. He got over me. The soul just kinda
liked me, so no-getting-over-ing necessary there," she explained
testily.
"Yes, well, we know all that but Xander refuses to believe it,"
Willow replied, trying not to lose patience.
Buffy frowned thoughtfully.
"This explains Spike's non-reaction to our not getting back together. And
a big chunk of the past few months. I thought I was imagining things! And we're
sure that Spike's actually in love with Xander and not just using him as rebound
guy?"
"Pretty much yeah. I've been watching him these past few months. He
acts like a guy in love. And you saw what he was like when he found Xander
bleeding on the ground, he completely freaked out," Willow
explained.
"Then we all we have to do is: find a way to make Xander
realize that Spike loves him and not me." Buffy was nothing if not optimistic.
Five minutes later, they were both staring into space trying to think of a plan
to knock some sense into their friend.
"You could always force him
choose between Buffy and Xander. If he really does love him and not Buffy, then
Spike'll choose Xan," Dawn said casually, coming in from the
kitchen.
"Dawn, didn't we have the 'no eavesdropping' conversation?"
Buffy stared at her sister in exasperation.
"Nope, you've scheduled that
for next week I think." Grinning like the irreverent teenager she was, Dawn
plopped herself next to Willow on the couch. "Now, let's get back to my
brilliant plan."
"What if Spike chooses Buffy?" Willow asked.
"I
thought you said he loved Xander," Dawn argued.
"He does…I think…What if
he doesn't love him enough? It'll break Xander's heart," she said
sadly.
"Then we'll have to think of something else," Buffy stated firmly.
-------------------
The following morning Willow called
Xander and cheerfully informed him that Buffy knew about his and Spike's
relationship and was very happy for them.
"She is however a little bit
upset that Spike neglected to mention that he was happy with someone else during
'The Talk'. Better warn him that a little ass kicking is due next time they
train together," she said, grinning at the thought of Buffy being all
righteously angry and Spike trying to talk himself out of
trouble.
"Thanks for the warning Wills. I'll tell Bleach to avoid
training with her for the next few days," Xander joked and hung up.
He
wasn't thinking of Buffy and Spike being together. Of course he wasn't. Spike
loved him. He'd said so hadn't he? And anyway Xander trusted Buffy. She wouldn't
take his vampire from him. Right. Of course not. There was no reason to wake up
his boyfriend for some reassurance-sex. Nope. No reason at all. He was not going
to their bedroom. He was not staring at Spike, sleeping on his stomach, all
naked and beautiful. He was not taking off his clothes and climbing on the bed.
And he sure as hell wasn't trailing kisses down Spike's back. Nope, that must be
some other Xander, cause this one wasn't doing that.
"If you stop there
I'm going to have to kill you, you know that right?" growled the
vampire.
Okay, maybe a little reassurance-sex.
Xander kept
trailing kisses down Spike's spine. His hands massaged the blond's ass while he
was busily exploring the small of his lover's back with his tongue. As Xander
slowly started moving his mouth lower, Spike moaned and arched trying to hurry
him to his destination. The boy smiled against his skin and veered off to the
side to lick and nibble on Spike's cheeks. Then he moved sideways back in the
direction of the twitching hole he could see peeking at him. A few millimeters
before he reached it, he lifted his mouth from Spike's body, enjoying the
strangled sound of disappointment coming from the vampire.
Buffy
couldn't get him to make that sound. Only Xander could leave Spike panting and
begging for his touch. He quickly spread his lover's cheeks wide apart and
swiped his tongue over his hole. Grinning at the blond's resultant yelp Xander
settled himself down to explore. He teased Spike, flickering his tongue over the
tight sphincter then retreating to blow a warm stream of air over it, until the
vampire was continuously pleading for more. Only then did he pull the vampire to
his hands and knees and stab his tongue inside as far as he could. Xander fucked
Spike with his mouth; doing everything he could to drive his lover crazy with
need.
By the time Xander replaced his tongue with two lubed fingers
Spike was near incoherent, all he could do was moan and push against the
intruding digits. Xander smiled at the vampire's wanton behavior and added
another finger, watching as Spike shimmied and bucked trying to get them even
deeper inside.
The blond didn't know what had gotten into his boy but he
was all for enjoying the results. He arched and groaned, thrusting back to
follow Xander's fingers when they pulled out of his ass. Spike whimpered at the
loss, only to groan again when he felt his lover's cock enter him in one hard
thrust.
Xander gripped Spike's hips and started fucking him as hard and
fast as he could silently chanting 'my Spike, mine'. He angled his thrusts to
hit Spike's prostate as often as possible and started a punishing rhythm,
driving them both inexorably to the peak.
All too soon Spike arched his
back with a strangled moan and shuddered his orgasm. Xander pumped into his
lover's body a few moments more before he shouted out his own release and
collapsed over the vampire.
The brunet sleepily snuggled next to Spike,
mind drifting aimlessly. He just had to make sure Buffy knew that Spike was his.
His Spike. "My Spike," he mumbled and fell
asleep.
-------------------
A few days later, Xander walked in
the Magic Shop to find Buffy and Spike sitting close together at the round
table, planning next week's patrols. Willow and Dawn were chatting at the
counter and they turned around just in time to see a fleeting look of pain cross
over their friend's face before he covered it with his usual merriment and went
to kiss his boyfriend hello. To Spike's surprise Xander sat himself on the
vampire's lap and leaned in for another kiss.
The girls saw Spike
whisper something in his ear that made Xander blush and squirm a little. Dawn
turned to Willow and whispered, "His heart's already broken Will. Every time he
sees them together he gets that look. And then he does something to show himself
that Spike's with him. He puts on a happy front for us, but this is killing
him."
"You're right," Willow replied sadly. "We have to do something to
fix this."