VIGNETTE ONE
by Raventown74
Notes

One more wretched day leads to another wretched day. And all wretched days lead to the most wretched day of all. Your death. But, oh no, it's got to be worse than that. Guess what. You get to come back. Your friends get to see you again, but this time around they're getting the ultra evil model. They tie you up. Then they offer you a soul. You're not sure if it's your soul or not, but it's shiny. And hey, if it means you won't be staked then everyone wins, right? Right? But it's not my soul.

I still go out at night to feed. It doesn't matter that I feel this shiny new person in my chest. It's just a tie, I think, to this world. If the soul were gone. Leaving this place would be easy.

My friends, who always seemed to barely tolerate me, like my new depths. Before, I wasn't so sure of my place among them. My friendships were cookie cutter ones that just happened to involve slayers and witches. Otherwise normal, but dull. It seems as if my death and resurrection energized them in some way. Which should be disheartening, cause hey, what about the old me? But it's not. I like being liked, even if it’s just another tie.

Blood. I get it. I no longer flip my middle finger up in salute to the idiocy that was the vampire, Spike. I understand it, blondy. You were right.

Angel came around after it happened. I think he pities me. I don't pity him. I know what he was hiding now. The way his eyes shift when he smells the blood on me. Wanting. But he's got so many ties on him, you can see the threads pulling him in twelve different directions. Buffy and the others don't know about my feeding habits and Angel says nothing.

The soul whispers in it's own voice. Sometimes I feel more lost in this dark world than I was in high school. So, this shiny new person, he tells me things about himself. When I feel absurd or small, he even comforts me.

You can't cut off a limb and reattach it with another, I told Giles one day. He understood what I was saying. He wanted to stake me, before the girls offered up the soul. I think I love him for that.

One of these days when I don't need the comfort anymore, I will let the soul go. These things tend to not be so permanent. I'm not worried. This world that held so little possibility has become a feast. But I stay. Spike's voice in my head urging me to protect his girls. His soul.