Mission Implausible

Part Three: The Mission - Introduction

Xander pulled into the parking lot and parked Giles’ car as far away from the other cars as he could. He looked around. "Well," he said. "Here we are."

"Thank all that’s unholy," Spike said as he opened the door and staggered out of the car. "Where in bleedin’ Hell did you learn how to drive?" he demanded.

"Oh, please!" Xander responded distractedly. "Remember, I’ve seen *you* drive." He put up the top before turning off the ignition, and then got out and locked the doors. He pocketed the key, and turned towards the club. "Well," he said again. "Here we are."

"Let’s go," Spike said, taking a deep drag on the cigarette he’d just lit. "I need a drink." He started towards the door, not waiting to see if Xander would follow him. He wasn’t really that shaken by the drive, but he had to have something to ride Xander about. Plus, alcohol was *always* of the good.

Xander shook his head and trailed after the vampire. When he reached the front door, Spike was already handing over the money for the cover charge. "C’mon," he said, inclining his head towards the closed door from behind which loud music spilled.

Inside the club the noise was deafening. Spike tried to tell Xander he was heading for the bar, but the sound of the voices trying to compete with the music was too loud, so he just pointed. When Xander nodded his understanding, Spike took off, clearing a path, and Xander followed in his wake.

At the bar, Spike found an empty stool and sat on it, then ordered two drinks. Xander stood next to him and watched in surprise as Spike pulled out cash. "You’re paying?" he asked in unfeigned shock.

"‘Course not!" Spike looked at him as if he was nuts. "Watcher’s bankrolling us."

Xander, having never been in a gay club before, took this opportunity to look around. Same-sex couples were mixing it up on the dance floor with...demons! Demons dancing with other demons...and humans. Holy canoli, Batman! Giles didn’t say there’d be *demons* here! He suddenly realized that he’d attracted the attention of several demons who were standing near the bar.

"Spike." He tugged on the vampire’s leather sleeve. Spike, busy chatting up the fellow sitting on the other side of him, ignored Xander. "Spike!" he tried again.

"Wanna dance?" One of the demons walked up to Xander and assumed what it probably thought was a seductive pose. And Xander might have been tempted if it wasn’t for the pus oozing out of the holes in its neck. Not.

"Um, no, not really," he said. "We just got here and, uh, and ordered a drink!" He picked up his drink and took a large gulp.

The demon was joined by another. "We don’t get many unattached humans," it said. Xander wasn’t sure it had even spoke until he realized its mouth was in its forehead.

"Unattached?" Xander responded. "I’m not unattached. Well, I mean, I’m not married, or anything, but I am here with someone. On a, erm, date! Yes, that’s it. We’re on a date. Right, Spike?" Xander tried again to get Spike’s attention. Spike didn’t reply.

"He doesn’t look like he’s being very considerate of you. Some date," the first demon scoffed.

"Want us to take him out for you?" the second tried to outdo the first.

"What?" Xander nearly shrieked. "No! Spike!"

Spike turned around and glared at the two demons. "Sod off," he said. "The human’s with me."

"I don’t think you deserve him," the pus demon challenged.

"Oh, no, he does!" Xander exclaimed as he backed up even further, practically crawling into Spike’s lap as he clutched at his leather jacket.

Spike vamped and growled. "Mine!"

When the two demons reluctantly backed away, Xander turned to Spike. "Demons!" he cried. "Giles didn’t say there’d be demons!"

Spike just raised an eyebrow and tilted his head.

"Other demons, I mean," Xander said. "Demons who might want to kill me."

Spike’s expression didn’t change.

"And actually *be* able to kill me," Xander dug himself deeper.

Spike’s eyes narrowed.

"Now, I mean, and not after the chipectomy." He smoothed Spike’s leather jacket.

"They don’t want to kill you, moron, they want to shag you," Spike said with an evil grin.

"Sh-shag me?" Xander asked in disbelief, not even paying attention to the insult, which just seemed natural. "Nuh uh!" He frantically shook his head ‘no’.

"Don’t worry, that won’t last long. After they get to know you, they’ll wanna kill you, too," Spike assured him.

"Thanks... Hey!"

***

And that’s how Spike and Xander going undercover as a couple guys hanging out turned into Spike and Xander going undercover as a couple guys on a date.

The stool behind Xander eventually opened up, but he eschewed it in favor of remaining standing beside Spike. He did, however, manage to keep from clinging to the vampire in an unmanly display of...unmanliness. Spike, for his part, allowed Xander his proximity because, as it turned out, the boy really *was* a demon magnet.

After the first two demons buggered off, there was a steady stream of demons stepping up to the bar to ask Xander if he wanted to dance. Spike thought it would be funny to abandon Xander to their designs, but knew the Slayer would stake him if anything happened to the boy. Plus, Rupert probably wouldn’t let him keep the posh new kit.

Xander, who was pressed tightly against Spike, shuddered as his last suitor drifted away. "I don’t think this is a good idea," he whimpered.

"No, you’re right," Spike said, finishing his beer and setting the empty bottle back on the bar.

Xander sighed in relief. He just wanted to get out of there. His butt hurt where a couple of the grabby demons who hadn’t wanted to take ‘no’ for an answer had managed to sneak in a grope.

"We’ll never find Kormac this way. Though he’s probably seen us, what with the line of demons forming to the left," Spike groused.

Xander quickly looked to make sure there really wasn’t a line.

"There’s no help for it. We need to mingle," Spike said, sliding off the stool and heading into the crowd. At the last moment he reached back for Xander’s hand and nearly jerked the brunette off his feet.

"Mingle?" Xander yelped. "I thought we were leaving!"

Spike dragged Xander around the perimeter of the entire lower level of the club, turning heads as they passed. Unfortunately, none of those heads belonged to Kormac, as far as they knew. Giles had tried to procure a picture of the man, but his efforts had failed. Kormac was too smart to allow his image to be captured on film.

Spike growled to himself as he pulled Xander onto the dance floor. He let go of Xander’s hand and began to dance to the pounding beat. Xander just stared at him.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"Dancing," Spike replied.

"I can see that," Xander said, trying to remain calm in the face of obvious insanity. "Why?"

"Because Kormac will have to find us, and he’s probably not looking for two blokes hanging out at the bar and not enjoying themselves. So here we are," he held his hands out to his sides as he gyrated his hips, "enjoying ourselves."

He smirked as Xander continued to stare at him in disbelief. "C’mon, mo-, er, sweetums, shake your booty."

Xander didn’t want to dance. He wasn’t very good. It was okay to make a fool of himself at The Bronze, in front of everyone he knew, but he didn’t want to look like an idiot at this swank club. Besides, had Spike just called him ‘sweetums’? "Sweetums?" he asked, and shook his head to clear it of the sound of Spike’s voice saying ‘sweetums’ to him. "I don’t...I don’t like to dance," he said softly, as if confiding a secret.

"I don’t like to bowl," Spike threw over his shoulder as he turned and twisted to the music. "But I did it," he added when he once again faced Xander.

"And you sucked," Xander reminded him, continuing quickly when Spike growled at the reminder. "Well, I suck at dancing."

"Oh, please, at least *you’re* used to sucking at stuff," Spike said.

"Hey!" Xander objected.

Spike paused in his movements as he stared at something behind Xander. "But you couldn’t *possibly* suck at dancing more than that...that...thing," Spike said. Then looked at Xander in horror. "Could you?"

Xander turned to see the demon Spike was talking about. It had two stalks with eyes growing out of the top of its head and four arms that it was swinging wildly about.

"Uh, noooo, I don’t think so," Xander said.

The rhythm changed to a slow song, and Spike’s arm snaked around Xander’s waist.

"Now what are you doing?" Xander squeaked.

"Slow song," Spike said.

"So we should maybe go get another drink," Xander suggested, trying to pull away from Spike or, in the alternative, lead him off the floor.

"No," Spike said, easily halting Xander’s withdrawal. "We should maybe act like two guys who are on a date. Sweetums."

"I don’t wanna be on a date," Xander whined, as Spike pulled him closer. "Snookums."

"Me neither," Spike snarled. "But you’re the one who announced to the entire bar that we were on a date, so suck it up, and dance."

So Xander allowed Spike to lead him in a slow dance. Or pretended to allow, since he really didn’t have any choice. He gingerly placed his hands on Spike’s shoulders and moved stiffly.

"Loosen up," Spike said. "You look like a statue. Feel like one, too."

Xander tried to relax, then gave up. "I can’t," he said. "This just feels so weird."

"‘Cause it’s a guy?" Spike asked. "It’s really no different. Just close your eyes and pretend I’m a bird."

Xander attempted to do as Spike had suggested. He closed his eyes and relaxed against Spike as the vampire twirled him around the floor. Xander was almost there when he felt Spike’s hands on his ass. His eyes popped open.

"What are you *doing*?" he squealed as Spike tugged him closer.

"Don’t fight me," Spike whispered against Xander’s neck. "I think we’ve caught someone’s attention."

"What?" Xander squeaked. "Who?"

"Could be our man," Spike said. "Or another demon who’s taken a shine to you."

"Please let it be our man," Xander begged.

The slow song finally ended and Spike whispered into Xander’s ear, "Follow me. I’ve got an idea."

"An idea, or a plan?" Xander tried to clarify as Spike led the way back to the bar.

"What’s the difference?" Spike asked after ordering two drinks.

"Your plans never work!" Xander cried.

Spike glared at him. He paid for the drinks with Giles’ money, and then handed one to Xander. Holding his drink in one hand, he took Xander’s hand in the other, just so he wouldn’t lose him, he told himself, and guided him to the stairs that led to the upper level of the club. He had observed couples disappearing up the stairs where plush chairs and dim lighting set the mood. He dragged Xander to an unoccupied couch and sat down, pulling the boy down beside him.

"What are you doing now?" Xander hissed.

"Acting like a guy on a date," Spike replied calmly as he leaned back, keeping Xander’s hand in his. "Now sit back and act like you’re happy to be here," Spike said.

Xander shifted back on the couch. He was sitting close enough to Spike that their shoulders brushed. He guzzled his drink, and then set the empty cup on the low table in front of the couch. He swallowed nervously and looked around. He could make out other couples sitting in intimate groupings, some of whom were talking while others were being more physical.

"We don’t have to do that, do we?" Xander asked worriedly.

"Not unless you want to," Spike teased.

"Euww, no!" Xander cried.

"Don’t get your knickers in a twist, sweetums. Not like I’d want to do you, either," he assured the boy.

"Oh, you would!" Xander responded automatically, and then frowned as he realized what he’d said.

Spike let go of Xander’s hand so he could drape his arm over the boy’s shoulders. He placed his glass on the table beside Xander’s, and took the brunette’s hand in that one. In this position, he was able to surreptitiously scope out more of the upper level.

"See anything?" Xander asked, nervously squeezing Spike’s hand.

Unconsciously, Spike reassuringly squeezed back. "Yeah," he whispered, leaning closer to Xander to speak into his ear. "Remember that demon we saw dancing downstairs, and that first demon who asked you to dance?"

"The four-armed-stalk guy and the pus demon?" Xander asked.

"Yep. They’re over there in the corner, and I would’ve bet they weren’t anatomically compatible." He paused. "Looks like I’d’ve been wrong."

Xander looked at Spike as if he thought the vampire was lying to him. Which he very well could have been. But wasn’t, unfortunately. He turned on the couch to look, and Spike stopped him.

"I wouldn’t, if I were you. It’s...soddin’ disgustin’ is what it is. Oh, hell, I’m never going to be able to get that image out of my head." He turned around and faced forward. "Turns out...those weren’t all arms."

Xander thought about that for a minute. "Euwww!"

***

And so Spike and Xander’s first night of their undercover mission ended rather uneventfully, other than the hand-holding and slow dancing, which Xander thought might give him nightmares. Also, the image of the pus demon and the four...appendaged demon doing the nasty was gonna be with him for awhile.

And then there was the knowledge that he was in fact a demon magnet. He never thought he’d be glad to have Spike at his side, but he’d never been happier than when the vampire had vamped out to protect him from the demons that were interested in dancing with him, and who knew what else? And he’d also never felt like more of a girly-man to need the protection, but he didn’t let that stop him from accepting it.

When he and Spike returned to the Magic Box to change their clothes and turn the car back over to Giles, who was waiting for them despite Xander’s suggestion that he not wait up, Giles drove him home. On the way, he gave Giles a rundown of the evening, leaving out the line of demons vying for his attention, the slow dancing with Spike, and the hand-holding. He told him that, although they hadn’t been approached, Spike was certain they’d been noticed.

After he fell asleep, he dreamed about slow dancing. To his surprise, his partner had a hard, firm chest, rather than a soft, curvy one. His dream-partner nibbled and sucked on his neck, tickling him. A laughing dream-Xander looked into the eyes of his dream-partner. He woke with a gasp as he recognized the blue eyes staring back at him.

Part Four: The Mission - Initiation