by Trixx


Standing alone outside the tall apartment building a lone figure hugged the shadows, staring up intently at the well lit apartment. So many images floating around behind his eyes, of the ways this could go, the way the man living upstairs could react to his presence. Trying to work the words out in his head, before finally giving in, and making his way upstairs.

I've been alone with you inside my mind
And in my dreams I've kissed your lips a thousand times
I sometimes see you pass outside my door
Hello, is it me you're looking for?

Flicking his fag away, a bright arc of red light, through the darkness that had settled in for the night, he walked through the doors, into the dimly lit, landing. Stairing intently at the mailboxes, before finding what he sought... but still he stood there, contemplating what used to be... and what could be now, if everything went the way he hoped.

I can see it in your eyes
I can see it in your smile
You're all I've ever wanted, (and) my arms are open wide
'Cause you know just what to say
And you know just what to do
And I want to tell you so much, I love you ...

One stair at a time, he made his way up, towards the one person that had haunted him for so long, the one man he could never get out of his mind. Memories swarming inside his head now, like a plague of locusts, calling forth all the bad things he'd done, all the evil things he'd done to the boy in his youth... but he was no longer a boy... he was a man... and maybe the truth would change the man's mind.

I long to see the sunlight in your hair
And tell you time and time again how much I care
Sometimes I feel my heart will overflow
Hello, I've just got to let you know

Memories of staring out a window, at the family he could never be a part of... of the Scoobies playing and laughing in the sunshine... bright light playing over tanned and golden skin. The smell of earth and home strong in the air whenever they got close enough, and he was swallowed by the darkness. He could never be a part of that, never be out playing in the sunshine with them... not unless he wanted to turn to ash. He could taste it now... burning; acidic in his mouth, on his tongue, feeling so selfish for hoping to catch the light, even for a little while.

'Cause I wonder where you are
And I wonder what you do
Are you somewhere feeling lonely, or is someone loving you?
Tell me how to win your heart
For I haven't got a clue
But let me start by saying, I love you ...

Wondering if he's alone inside the brightly lit apartment, if there's someone there with him... if he'd be welcomed, or if he'd be thrown out into the cold night, self doubt creeping at the edge of his mind... wanting to turn around and run back out into the comforting darkness and leave these foppish hopes far behind. Determination firmed his resolve, he wouldn't be leaving this time, without saying what needed to be said, what had been in his heart for so long. Shivering with fear as he finally came to the door he'd been looking for, standing outside it, his head down... his arm raised to knock... but too afraid to. Bringing his knuckles down on the wood, the sound ringing with a hollow finality, before the door swung slowly open. Blue eyes met brown, and he finally knew what to say.

Hello, is it me you're looking for?
'Cause I wonder where you are
And I wonder what you do
Are you somewhere feeling lonely or is someone loving you?
Tell me how to win your heart
For I haven't got a clue
But let me start by saying ... I love you.

Xander slowly opened the door, pushing it wide, before whispering. "Come in Spike."


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