MAKING THE LIST

by Vampire Fever
Notes

Xander knocked and then opened the door to Giles’ apartment with his key.

“Hey Giles, it’s me, Xander, you here?”

Xander stood in the doorway and waited for Giles to reply, but everything remained silent. Giles was obviously out but Xander didn’t feel like leaving. He walked further into the apartment, his hand stroking along the surfaces of the furniture as he moved.

He breathed in the smell of the room, the faint essence of Giles - spicy undertones that always made him feel safe and more than slightly aroused. The longstanding and almost permanent desire Xander felt for Giles was becoming more and more difficult to conceal beneath his usual carefree banter.

He knew that he’d probably be damned for all time for having these fantasies about Giles, but he couldn’t help the way the Watcher always made him feel. Like he wanted Giles to take control, take him in hand and let him surrender everything to his will. He wanted Giles to teach him how to please him, how to touch his body so that Xander could give him pleasure. He wanted to know how Giles would touch him, whether his inexperienced body could please the older man.

No, he didn’t want to know. He needed to know.

He sighed as he wandered around the apartment. He knew that these desires of his were crazy, that Giles only saw him as a kid, as Buffy and Willow’s goofy friend. But today was his 20^th birthday and he’d decided that he couldn’t go on like this anymore. He had to do something to end the state of limbo he was in.

If, as he expected, Giles did not see him in that light and didn’t want him, well maybe then he could move on. He hoped that he wouldn’t embarrass himself too badly, but this was too important to let slide. He had to know.

It occurred to him that he didn’t really know if Giles was even interested in relationships with men, but somehow he didn’t think that would be an issue. It might be all tied up with the image he had of Giles in his mind, and therefore not real, but he got the feeling Giles had had experiences with men in the past. His confident demeanour seemed to proclaim a man who lived his life on his own terms. A man who disdained labels; ‘gay’ or ‘straight’ were irrelevant. He was just Giles.

He wondered if coming here to confront him and let him know his true feelings was going to be a huge mistake. Giles would probably let him down gently and tell him he was confusing love and desire with respect and friendship, or something equally British and Watchery. He could also imagine him telling him that his feelings were a safe way of coming to terms with being gay. That focusing on Giles was a less threatening way of dealing with his attraction to men. Less scary than, say, going to a gay club.

He could imagine these conversations because he’d had them with himself. But the truth was, he wanted Giles. He didn’t want someone his own age. He wanted Giles. He wanted the man whose presence in the same room had his pulse racing and his adrenalin rushing. The man whose sarcastic wit had him tied up in knots, and whose stern glances had him trembling with need.

Research nights had long since become a mixture of heaven and hell. For the sake of his sanity, it had to end – one way or another.

Deciding to wait for Giles’ return, however long it took, he moved round to Giles’ desk, sat down and started fiddling with a scrunched up piece of paper that was lying around. He held the paper in his hands, throwing it back and forth like a ball, and then finally unfolded it, smoothing out the creases until he could read what had been written.

Xander stared at the creased paper, reading and then rereading it again. Mesmerised by the words, their implications swimming around in his mind. He tried to damp down the exaltation that flooded through him, too scared to believe they could possibly mean what they seemed to imply. But hope wouldn’t be squashed and excitement began to build.

So caught up with his thoughts, Xander didn’t hear the door open or the soft whoosh as bags were dropped on the kitchen counter.

Giles noticed Xander the moment he stepped into the apartment and almost froze when he realised what Xander had found and was staring at in obvious shock. With his back against the counter, he quietly studied the expressions crossing Xander’s face. Expecting to see horror and revulsion, he let out a soft breath when he realised that a huge smile was lighting up the expressive features.

Xander raised his head and found himself looking directly at Giles.

“Hey Giles! I didn’t hear you come in.”

Giles crossed his arms and quirked an eyebrow in a manner that would have made Spike proud.

“So I can see. You seem to have made yourself at home. Did you find anything of interest amongst my personal papers?”

The tone of Giles’ voice, his imposing stance and the knowledge garnered from the scrunched up shopping list had Xander growing increasingly aroused. He suspected Giles knew what he had seen and decided there was no better time to grab the bull by the horns, or should that be ‘grab the Watcher by his slightly rumpled sweater’?

He stood and walked towards Giles, who watched him approach impassively, until they were only inches apart.

“I saw your shopping list and the comments.” Xander hesitated.

Giles watched as Xander struggled to keep a quiver from his voice. His first instinct was to draw the lad into his arms, kiss him senseless and reassure him that he had nothing to worry about. But he needed to know what Xander was thinking; he couldn’t afford to misread the situation.

“And what did you deduce from them?”

Xander gathered himself together, reached up and tentatively placed a kiss on the edge of Giles’ mouth. When the corner of said mouth quirked up in a tiny smile, Xander’s heart did a Snoopy dance. With renewed confidence he replied,

“I deduced that I’m going to go and change into my new black shirt while you bake my birthday cake with the real wish surprise. Then once I’ve blown out the candles, you’re going to lead me to your bed where you’re going to massage me using my new personalised oil.”

“Is that so?” Giles’ voice expressed mild interest, although his eyes couldn’t hide the happiness he was feeling.

“Uh huh.”

“Anything else?”

Giles stood, arms still crossed in front of him, looking so goddamn hot, Xander was finding it difficult not to jump his bones there and then. Giles’ voice broke him out of his reverie.

“I asked you a question. Please concentrate Xander.”

Xander crossed his own arms to mirror him.

“Yeah Giles, I think you seriously underestimated how much lube we’re going to need.”

Giles’ face broke into a grin as he pulled Xander into his arms and whispered, ‘Happy Birthday’, before finally dipping his head to taste the lips he’d been fantasizing about for way too long.