SIGNS AROUND SPRINGFIELD
[YMCA]
Daddy & Me Swim Class - No Stepfathers
~~~
[On Jebediah Springfield's
Statue]
A Noble Spirit Embiggens the Smallest Man
~~~
[Note on Flanders'
door]
Gone Baptizin'!
~~~
[Sports Sign-Up
Day]
Ballet: The T is Silent
~~~
[Church]
-No Shirt, No Shoes, No Salvation.
-There's Something About The Virgin Mary
~~~
[Teen pregnancy pamphlet]
So You've Ruined Your Life
~~~
[Zoo]
Born Free, Then Caged .
~~~
[Popsicles]
Soy Pops, Now With Gag Suppressant!
~~~
Kamp Krusty: The Krustiest Place On Earth!
~~~
[Tennis
Tournament]
The Krusty Kharity Klassic
~~~
Krusty’s Home Pregnancy Test - may cause birth
defects
~~~
Krusty-O’s - now with flesh-eating bacteria
~~~
Painless Dentistry (Formerly Painful Dentistry)
~~~
Springfield Trailer Park: 2 days without a
tornado
~~~
Our Crawl Space Now Body Free!
~~~
[Springfield Library]
-We have books about TV
-Home of Bookworms and Silverfish
~~~
[Banner]
Festival of Books - this banner available on
audiotape
~~~
Screaming Monkey Medical Research Center
~~~
[Outside historic cider
mill]
Now 10 Percent Quainter
~~~
Laramie Cigarettes - 50 Million Cigarette Smokers Can't Be
Wrong
~~~
[Restaurant]
Kentucky Fried Panda
~~~
Will Drop Pants For Food
~~~
I'M HIGH...on capitalism
~~~
Puppies: free or best offer
~~~
Join the Army and See The Opposing Army
~~~
[Springfield
Cemetery]
Come For The Funeral, Stay For The Pie!
~~~
[Convention
Center]
Procrastinators Convention: Postponed
**
8:00 - medfly spraying
8:15 - Springfield Pops concert
8:30 - spraying 2nd pass
***
Today: World Cup Soccer
Tomorrow: Monsters of Poetry
***
Today: Senior Citizens Swing Dance
Tomorrow: Cat Spay-A-Thon
***
Tonight: Senior's Singles
Dance
Tomorrow: Closed to repair gas
leak
***
Today: Krusty Anniversary
Show
Tomorrow: Cat Spay-A-Thon
***
Today: Candy Convention
Tomorrow: Candy-Shaped Rat Poison
Convention
***
Today: Charity Bachelor Auction
Tomorrow: I Retire, Ya Bastards!
~~~
[Civic
Center]
Demolition Derby - As seen on Faces of Death
III
~~~
KJAZZ - 152 Americans Can't Be Wrong!
~~~
Springfield Lake (formerly known as cesspool 17a)
~~~
Springfield University - If You Can Read This You're
Accepted
~~~
Springfield Historical Society: Where The Dead Come Alive (Metaphorically)
~~~
[Springfield Retirement
Castle]
-Where the elderly can hide from the
inevitable
-Thank you for not discussing the outside world
-No Pining
~~~
Costington's - Over a Century Without a
Slogan
~~~
[Springfield
marathon]
Ruin Your Knees For Charity
~~~
[Garage]
Dentz - Blackest Fingernails in Town
~~~
Springfield Asylum Marching Band
~~~
Ear Poison: Do not get in eyes
~~~
[Banners on Hamlet/Bart’s Bedroom Wall]
-Danes Do It Melancholy
-Feudalism
~~~
Springfield Forest: Witch-Free since 1998
~~~
Lunkheadz: a place for drooling
~~~
YVAN EHT NIOJ
~~~
Municipal House of Pancakes
~~~
[Franchise
Expo]
Where All Your Non-Sexual Dreams Come True
~~~
Bloodbath and Beyond Gun Shop
~~~
[Placard]
Crime Yes, Criminals No
~~~
[Highway
Sign]
Exit to: New Jersey, Oregon, Michigan, &
Texas
~~~
[Billboards]
-Superintendent Chalmers: Now, More Than Ever
-Try Our New Beef-Flavored Chicken!
-Don’t Eat Beef – Eat Deer!
~~~
[Captions]
-Krusty the Klown - Embittered Comedy Legend
-Abe Simpson - Coot
-Dr. Julius Hibbert - Meddler
~~~
[Sign above entrance to
shop]
Stoner's Pot Palace
Otto
[walking out, disgusted]: "Man,
that is FLAGRANT false
advertising!"
~~~