Some Like It Red
[street]
[a girl carrying a bag (Celine) walks quickly, and goes
into an alley; a man (Al)
waits]
Celine: Here.
[hands Al a very
large candlestick]
Al
: It’s nice. It’s very nice. Once again. You’re a regular
Bonnie Parker, kid.
Celine: I told
you.
Al: Yes, you
did.
Celine: And I
also told you there’s more where that came from.
Al: Yes, you
did.
Celine: Good.
Then this time I want--
[he grabs her and pushes her onto the hood of his
car]
Al: No! This
time I do the telling. Now I want you to stop yanking my
chain. Stop playing games. I want the rest of that stuff,
and I want it tonight.
Celine: Look, I
told you it is not that easy--
Al: I don’t
think you heard me. I said--
[she pulls a gun and he lets her go]
Al
:
[laughs]
Don’t hurt yourself with that.
Celine: Don’t
try and follow me.
Al: What, and
get shot? Uh-uh. But I’ll be seeing you again, cookie. I
want what you
got!
[bar. Music: ‘Flying’ by Blue
Rodeo.]
Fraser: I can’t
thank you enough, Ray.
Ray: Yeah,
well, you’re right about that. So why is Thatcher so hot
in the pants to get a hold of this hooch, anyway?
Fraser: Well,
the Superintendent General is due in from Moose Jaw today
and apparently he’s quite partial to it. Inspector
Thatcher is nothing if not gracious.
Ray: Well, next
time tell me sooner, okay? Yo, Murph.
Murph: Oh, Ray.
Good to see you, lad.
Ray: I’d like
you to meet a good friend of mine. Benny Fraser, Kevin
Murphy.
Murph:
Pleasure.
Fraser:
Likewise.
Murph: He told
me you were in a jam. Glad to help out.
Fraser: Very
much appreciated, sir.
Ray: Murph’s
the Man, Fraser. He collects hooch like my sister collects
losers. You know what his nickname is?
Fraser: I
haven’t a clue.
Ray: ‘The
Whiskey King of the Windy City.’ Isn’t that great?
Fraser: Now
see, Ray, I find that difficult to believe, in that
nicknames generally tend to be a bit shorter. ‘Whiskey
King’ or ‘Windy Guy.’
Ray: Yeah,
well, that’s his nickname, all right? ‘The Whiskey King of
the Windy City.’ You ask anybody.
Fraser: Excuse
me, sir. What is the bartender’s nickname?
Irish Guy:
Murph.
Murph: There
you are, boys. My last bottle of Glendorlan scotch
whiskey. The teardrops of the angels, me old grand-da use
to call it. This might be the last bottle in the city.
It’s a shame to part with it.
Ray: Yeah, but
500 American ought to dull the pain, eh Murph?
Murph: That it
might, Ray, that it might. Show me the color of your
money, she’s all yours.
[as Fraser counts it
out, Vecchio spots a woman]
Ray: Annie?
Annie McCray?
Annie: Ray. Ray
Vecchio!
Ray:
Yeah.
Annie:
Hi.
Ray:
Hi. You’re
a...You-you look like a, uh...are you a-are you a--
Annie: A
nun.
Ray: You’re a
nun! You’re a nun.
Annie: You’re
surprised.
Ray: Yeah, I’m
surprised. How long has it been? Uh, you been good?
Annie: I--
yeah. Actually, Ray, I’m in bit of a hurry. I’m trying to
find this girl. Does she look familiar?
[hands him a
picture]
Her name’s Celine. She’s the one on the right.
Ray: Oh, she
looks a little young to be making the bar scene.
Annie: She is.
But false ID’s are easy to come by these days. I usually
find her in one of these places on Rush Street.
Ray: Well, if
you want, I could put some manpower on it.
Annie : What do you mean?
Ray
: Well, believe it or not, I’m a cop.
Annie: Oh, no.
No. That’s fine. Thanks, Ray. Good to see you.
[goes further into
the bar]
Ray: Annie!
[goes after
her] Hey,
Annie-- [grabs her
arm]
Annie : Ray...
Irish Guy : [grabs Vecchio’s arm] The sister doesn’t want to be bothered.
Ray : Yeah, well, neither do I, so do you mind letting go of me?
[pushes away, but Annie
leaves]
Irish Guy: Did
we forget our listening ears today?
Ray: No, pal,
did you?
[Vecchio pushes him, he knocks against Fraser, who falls,
and the bottle he’s holding shatters on the floor...
unaware of this, Vecchio follows after
Annie]
Fraser: Oh
dear.
Murph: Sorry,
lad. No refunds.
[Vecchio looks
outside, but Annie has
disappeared]
[St. Fortunata
School]
Ray: Annie?
Excuse me. Annie? Do you have a minute?
Annie: See you
girls later. [to
Vecchio]
Ray, I’m sorry about last night.
Ray: You’re
sorry. I almost got my head bashed in.
Annie: Yeah,
well, I’m glad you didn’t. I just don’t want the police
involved.
Ray: Look,
forget the police. This is me, all right? Now I did a
little checking and I found out that you’re a big shot
around here.
Annie : Yes...
Ray
: I also found out that the girl you’re looking for is one
of your students.
Annie: Yes, and
I can find her myself. She’s done this a few times.
Ray: Look,
maybe I can help. Will you let me do this for you?
Annie: Off the
record?
Ray: Yeah, off
the record. Now I’m gonna have to ask some questions. You
know, turn over some rocks--
Annie: No,
that’s exactly what I don’t need. The cops barging in here
upsetting the girls. I’ll tell you what’s going on as long
as it stays between us. Okay?
Ray: Oh, I
don’t know if I can do that.
Annie:
Ray!
Ray: Of course,
just between you and me.
Annie: You
haven’t changed since high school.
[he
laughs]
Come on
in.
[Riv]
Ray: So this
kid Celine turns out to be pretty wild. She likes to run
away, and Annie tracks her down. Now Annie doesn’t want to
report it because if she does, she’s going to be sent home
and home isn’t a pretty place. Three stepfathers in the
past six years. But this time there’s something different
going on. Some of the girls are getting out of hand. Check
this out. [hands
Fraser a revolver]
Fraser:
Interesting. A Hildebrand Yankee .38. You don’t see these
very often.
Ray: No. That’s
why I ran the numbers on it. You’re never gonna guess who
it’s registered to.
Fraser: Elliott
Ness?
Ray: How did
you know that?
Fraser: Well,
it’s quite simple, Ray.
Ray: No, simple
for you is some long drawn-out story about your
grandmother’s library in Runamukluk.
Fraser: Well,
actually, it is quite simple. It’s engraved right here.
‘E. Ness.’ Guessing that the ‘E’ stood for Elliot was just
inspiration.
Ray: Gimme
that. You’re not supposed to be carrying a gun
anyway.
Fraser:
Tuktoyaktuk.
Ray:
What?
Fraser: You
said ‘Runamukluk’ I assume you’re referring to the time my
grandmother moved her traveling library to
Tuktoyaktuk.
Ray: Oh,
Tuktoyaktuk, Runamukluk, what’s the difference?
Fraser: Well,
about 2000 kilometers.
Ray: Is that
necessary?
Fraser: Not
entirely, no.
Ray: Okay, so
the question is, how does a 16-year-old Catholic
schoolgirl get a hold of the gun owned by the man who
brought down Al Capone? That is the question, not whether
or not Tuktoyaktuk and Runamukluk are 2000 miles
apart.
Fraser:
Kilometers. And I have no idea.
Ray:
[sigh]
Well, neither do I. But when Annie told
me she found the gun in Celine’s room, I knew she was in
real trouble. That’s why I’ve been on the phone all
morning beating the bushes for a likely recruit. Annie’s
going to let me plant a teacher on the inside to get a
lead on this Celine girl. The only catch is, it can’t be a
cop and she’s got to be a woman.
[they park and go
to a door]
Fraser: So have
you found someone?
Ray: Yeah,
Brenda Luisi. She retired from the force last year. I’m
just going to drop these plans of the school off.
Fraser: Oh,
Ray, this is for you.
[takes a note off
the door & reads
it] Oh,
the poor girl. She’s broken her leg.
Ray: She broke
her leg? How could she break her leg? I just spoke to her
an hour ago.
Fraser: She’s
staying at her mother’s house.
Ray: Oh, I
can’t let Annie down. All right look, I’ve got to have
somebody in there first thing in the morning. I’m going to
go back to the office and make some calls. Could I drop
you off somewhere?
Fraser: No,
that’s all right. I’m uh...
[looks around and
points]
I’m going over
here.
[27th precinct; the camera follows a woman as
she walks down the stairs and into the bullpen, away from
the camera; Huey looks her over
appreciatively]
Elaine: Great
dress. Neiman’s?
Woman:
Sears.
Elaine: Really?
It looks fabulous on you.
Woman: Thank
you.
Welsh:
[on
phone]
I’ll call you back.
[comes out of his
office]
Hello, I’m Lieutenant Welsh. Is there anything I can
assist you with, young lady?
Woman: I’m here
to see Detective Vecchio.
Welsh: His
office is right around here. I’ll escort you
personally.
Woman: That
really won’t be necessary.
Ray:
[on
phone]
Samantha, come on. I’m dying here...Yeah, I had somebody
but she fell through...
[Woman walks alone
to Vecchio’s desk &
sits]
Look, it’s just for a couple of days, I’ll pay you out of
my own pocket. [to
woman]
I’ll be right with you. Look, look, Sam, school gave you
allergies because somebody was grading you. This time
you’re gonna be the one doing the grading....
[sighs]
Thanks for nothing.
[hangs
up]
Elaine!
Woman: I’ll do
the job.
Ray: I don’t
even know who you are.
Woman: Actually
I believe you do.
[she stands up and faces
us]
Ray: I’m sorry,
I don’t.
Woman: Ray,
it’s me.
Ray:
[looks her down
& up]
Fraser?
[busy street]
Ray
: You’re not going to fool anyone in drag.
Ms. Fraser:
Well, I fooled you, Ray.
Ray: Ah, this
is crazy. I know I’m in a bind and I need some help, but
this is going too far.
Ms. Fraser:
Well, I’m sure if the situation were reversed you’d do
exactly the same for me.
Ray: Not in a
million years.
Ms. Fraser:
Really?
Ray: I’d never
be caught dead in drag.
Ms. Fraser:
Well, there’s nothing to be ashamed of, Ray. In fact,
certain tribes in the northwest Tlingit believe a man
should experience life as a woman in order to be a better
man--
Ray: All right,
all right, okay? But it’s only because I’m in a bind. Now,
I’ll run it by Sister Anne and if she says it’s okay, then
we’ll do it. But if anyone gets wise to this, it was not
my idea. Do you understand?
Ms. Fraser:
Understood. Oh, one other question. Do you think teal is
my color or should I lean towards mustard?
Ray: Who
cares?
Ms. Fraser:
Well, I do.
[St. Fortunata
School]
Annie: When Ray
told me he was sending help to find Celine, I had no idea
this is what he meant.
Ms. Fraser:
Well, neither did he. And I’ll confess there are certain
aspects of this assignment that are beyond the scope of my
training.
Annie: I can
see that.
[chuckles]
Ms. Fraser: You
can?
Annie: Uh,
you-you’ve got a tag hanging from your wig.
Ms. Fraser: Ah.
[pulls tag
off]
Rectified.
Annie: I think
you’ll find 11-D to be a rather spirited class. I hope
you’re prepared.
[they pass a boy on
a ladder, cleaning a
window]
That’s Todd Skolnick. By the attitude you’d think that he
ran the place. He certainly isn’t much of a handyman. You
ready?
[they enter a chaotic art classroom]
Annie
: Class! Girls, can I have your attention please!
[the class
quiets]
Thank you. Sister Viola is ill today, and this is her
replacement, Ms. Fraser. Please make her feel
welcome.
Wanda:
[coughing in hand
to cover remark] Yeah, right.
Annie: Wanda,
would you like to repeat that?
Wanda: I didn’t
say anything, Sister.
Annie: Good
luck.
[exits]
Wanda:
[aside]
She’s going to need it.
Tiffany:
Totally!
[Wanda shoots a
spitball at Ms. Fraser’s back, who whips around and
catches it]
Ms. Fraser: I
believe this is yours.
[drops the ball on
Wanda’s table]
Wanda: You
weren’t even looking.
Ms. Fraser: No,
it’s completely unnecessary if you have even a rudimentary
understanding of the principals of aerodynamics, wind
displacement, and trajectory. I’d be happy to explain them
to you if you like.
Wanda: That’s
okay.
Ms. Fraser:
It’s your loss.
[walks around with
seating chart] Are you Melissa?
Melissa:
Uh-huh.
[sees the clay sculpture Melissa is working
on]
Ms. Fraser: Oh,
this is you. It’s very good.
Melissa:
Thanks.
Ms. Fraser: She
seems a little sad, don’t you think?
Melissa: I
guess.
[hums and starts
manipulating the face of the clay figure]
Ms.
Fraser
: Smile. No, really smile. Smile.
[she
does]
That’s it. Who’s work is that?
Melissa: Oh,
that’s Celine’s.
Ms. Fraser:
She’s not here today?
Wanda: Celine
took off.
Ms. Fraser: Oh.
And where did she go?
Wanda: Ask
Ducky.
Melissa: My
name is Melissa.
Wanda: She’s
Celine’s little gopher.
Tiffany:
Totally.
Melissa: That’s
not true.
Ms. Fraser:
There. [turns
sculpture
around] It
takes seven fewer muscles to smile than it does to frown.
Save your energy, you’re going to need it in your
child-bearing years.
[flips scarf over
shoulder]
[covered
walkway]
Annie: So did
they eat you alive?
Ms. Fraser: No.
Although I’ll confess I was extremely nervous. The girls
were very sweet. And uh, I did make contact with Melissa,
although she wasn’t very forthcoming about Celine.
Annie: She
thinks she’s protecting her.
Ms. Fraser:
That’s what friends do for each other.
[they separate and Ms. Fraser goes up stairs...Vecchio
peeks out from behind a
column]
Ray: Psst!
Fraser!
Ms. Fraser:
Ray. What are you doing here?
Ray: Look, I’ve
been all over Rush Street, The Loop, and Lincoln Park
putting the word out on Celine. Nothing. Since I was in
the neighborhood, I figured I’d come by and see how you
were doing.
Ms. Fraser: Oh,
still too early to tell.
Ray:
Right-right-right. I see you were speaking with Sister
Anne?
Ms. Fraser:
Yes.
Ray: That’s
good. That’s really really good. Uh...did my name come
up?
Ms. Fraser: I
can’t say as it did, no.
[Vecchio sighs disappointedly, frustrated]
Ms.
Fraser
: Is there something on your mind, Ray?
Ray:
No-no-no... Well, since you asked. If my name does come
up? Now I’m not asking you to twist her arm or anything,
but I’m just kinda curious what she thinks of me. You
know, if she’s holding a grudge or anything.
Ms. Fraser: A
grudge?
Fraser: Yeah,
well, you know, Sister Anne and I, you know, we used to be
uh, boyfriend and girlfriend. I mean, before she was
Sister Anne. And uh, you know, things were going along,
and I wanted to get a little more...intimate, you know, do
more of the boyfriend and girlfriend stuff, if you know
what I mean.
Ms. Fraser: All
too clearly.
Ray: Okay, so.
C’mere. [they move
to the
side] So
there we were, doing a little bit of this and a little bit
of that, and all of a sudden her old man comes bursting
through the door and he blows up like Krakatoa. He starts
calling me all kinds of terrible names and forbids her
ever to see me again. It was ugly, Fraser.
Ms. Fraser: I
can imagine.
Ray: All right.
So the question is, do you think that someone can get over
that? You know, take it in stride and move on with their
lives?
Ms. Fraser:
Ray, are you asking this question because...
[Vecchio
nods] And
you think that she became...
[Vecchio nods and Ms. Fraser turns away, shaking
head]
Ray: I knew it!
Thanks.
[Melissa’s
room]
Melissa: Ms.
Fraser.
Ms. Fraser: Are
you all right?
Melissa: Yeah,
I’m okay.
Ms. Fraser: You
seemed upset earlier.
Melissa: No,
I’m fine.
Ms. Fraser: Can
I come in?
Melissa: Um, I
guess.
Ms. Fraser:
You’re worried about Celine, aren’t you?
Melissa: Oh,
she’ll be okay. I mean, I’m sure she’ll be okay. She
always comes back.
Ms. Fraser: And
you and she are best friends.
Melissa: Well,
she’s the only one here I trust. Nobody’s really who they
say they are.
Ms. Fraser: Do
you know where she is?
Melissa: No. I
don’t know, she just disappeared.
Ms. Fraser:
Well, let’s see what we can see. This is Celine’s side?
Her school blazer is still here, which indicates that she
changed into her street clothes before leaving, which
means she probably wasn’t kidnapped. On the other hand,
this collection of stuffed animals suggests that she had
to leave before she had time to pack her favorite
things.
Melissa: Hey,
you’re pretty good.
[Ms. Fraser sniffs shoe, and whistles]
Melissa
: You really don’t want to be doing that. Those are her
gym shoes.
Ms. Fraser: I
think she does more than gym in these shoes.
[scrapes sole with
fingernail]
There are traces of limestone and fungus.
[tastes
finger]
Melissa : Ew.
Ms.
Fraser
: Or is it mold?
[tastes
finger]
Melissa: Y-you
really don’t want to be doing that.
Ms. Fraser:
[licks
shoe]
Fungus Hmm.
[bounces on
bed]
Boing, boing, boing, boing...
Melissa:
What-what are you doing?
Ms. Fraser:
It’s interesting. The springs 14 through 18 are out of
line. May I?
Melissa:
Yeah.
[Ms. Fraser feels under the
mattress]
Ms. Fraser: Did
Celine have uh, problems with her back?
Melissa:
Sometimes.
Ms. Fraser: Ah.
A diary.
Melissa: That’s
her diary, you don’t want to read that. She’s my
friend.
Ms. Fraser: I
understand. [hands
diary to Melissa]
Melissa: You
mean you’re not gonna make me give it to you?
Ms. Fraser: Not
if you don’t want to.
Melissa: Yeah,
but you’re a teacher.
Ms. Fraser:
That doesn’t mean I can’t respect people’s decisions.
We’ll just have to find another way to help Celine. And of
course, that is what she needs right now. She needs our
help.
Melissa: Ms.
Fraser? Don’t tell Celine I gave it to you.
[gives her the
diary]
[Riv; Vecchio drives while Fraser changes clothes in the
back
seat]
Ray:
Fraser.
Fraser:
Mm-hmm?
Ray : About that bottle of scotch?
Fraser
: Mm-hmm?
Ray: Aw, you’re
not even listening.
[Fraser
grunts]
What are you doing back there?
Fraser: Well,
I’m changing. And I’m reading Celine’s diary. Listen.
[reads]
“The scent of pungent flowers drifted in
the breeze through the crypt like gossamer lace as my love
took me into his powerful arms and made love to me.”
Ray: The girl’s
a poet.
Fraser: Mm-hmm.
[grunts and
strains]
Ray: What is
going on back there?
Fraser: Well.
Let me tell you something, Ray. I think that the person
who invented pantyhose should be brought up on charges of
cruelty, sadism, and reckless endangerment. They pinch in
the most inappropriate places.
Ray: Yeah well,
most people who wear ‘em don’t have those places,
Benny.
Fraser: I’ve
got a run. [throws
nylons aside]
Ray: What else
does the diary say?
Fraser: Ah,
um...
[reads]
“Cries of ecstasy burst from me as if
fire had branded the depths of my soul with a love that
could never be quenched. I gifted him with a treasure of
gold and time, he gifted me with his love.”
Ray: I’m no
English major, but that stuff is so purple I’m getting
diabetes.
Fraser: You
just mixed a metaphor, Ray.
Ray: Yeah well,
I said I was no English major. Well, it sounds like to me,
if we find the guy with the powerful arms, the
unquenchable fire, that’s the guy who has her.
Fraser: Well,
yes, I think you’re right.
Ray: Now does
it say anything else about the guy? Like height, weight,
hair color, distinguishable marks, that sort of
thing?
Fraser: Ray,
it’s a diary, it’s not a police report. However, I did
notice that the handyman Todd was wearing a watch. And not
just any ordinary watch, Ray, it was a vintage 1930
Audemars Piquet moon phase chronometer in 18 carat gold.
There were only a hundred of them made.
Ray: Yeah, she
gifted her lover with time and gold.
Fraser:
Precisely.
Ray: All right.
I’ll go check out this Todd guy while you make out your
report.
Fraser:
Right.
Ray: Oh and
Benny, before I drop you off?
Fraser:
Uh-huh?
[Vecchio circles
around his own face with his finger]
Fraser:
[looks in the
mirror]
Oh, dear. [removes
the earrings, but is still wearing make-up]
[consulate]
Thatcher
: I gave you one job, Fraser, albeit a menial one.
Nevertheless one which will allow me to brighten the life
of a man that I respect more than anyone else in this
force. A man who I hold dearer than my own father.
Fraser: I’m
working on it.
Thatcher: I’ve
seen you track a snowflake back from the cloud it came
from. Finding one single bottle of scotch whiskey can’t be
that hard.
Fraser: You
wouldn’t think so, no.
Thatcher : No, you wouldn’t.
[she goes to exit, and he rushes to open the door for
her... they are very close in the small
entryway]
Thatcher:
[sniff]
Is that
perfume I smell, Fraser?
Fraser: Passion
flower,
ma’am.
[27th
precinct]
Ray:
[on
phone]
Yeah, that’s right, Glendorlan...Not since 1965? Oh come
on, Sully, you got to do better than that...Oh yeah, and
when you wanted your parking tickets fixed, who did you
call, huh?...Yeah, thanks for nothing.
Elaine: Ray, I
got the address on Todd Skolnick. 420 West
Lexington.
Ray: Nice
neighborhood.
Elaine: Yeah,
you want to hear his history?
Ray:
Yeah.
Elaine: He went
down for grand theft auto in ‘94. The school put him on
the work-release program to integrate him back into
society.
Ray: Well, it
looks like old Todd integrated himself back into the
slammer.
[“Treasure Antiques”; proprietor (Johnstone) inspects a
silver
flask]
Celine: Look,
are you interested or not? There’s lots of other places we
could take it.
Johnstone:
No-no, it’s quite nice.
Celine: All
right, so how much?
Johnstone:
Well, it’s all based on how much I can get for it, and a
piece like this is rarely--
Todd
Skolnick
: If you don’t want it, it’s okay.
Johnstone: That
doesn’t mean I won’t give you a fair price. I was thinking
something in the neighborhood of a hundred dollars.
Celine: That’s
the wrong neighborhood.
Johnstone: Two
hundred. That’s all you’ll get anywhere.
[Todd
nods]
Celine:
Done.
Johnstone: It
is a lovely piece. You mind if I ask you where you came
across it?
Celine: Yeah,
you know what? I do.
[she takes the
money]
[Celine & Todd
leave and Johnstone makes a call]
[Vecchio enters 420 W. Lexington, climbs upstairs &
knocks on door of apartment
#4]
Ray: Chicago
PD, open
up.
[street]
Todd: That
antique guy was asking too many questions.
Celine: What do
we care? We’re out of here, right? Right? Give me a hug,
Todd!
[she leaps into his
arms and they kiss; a blue van follows them]
[apartment; Vecchio picks the lock and
enters]
[street; Celine notices the van]
Celine : It’s that guy from the antique store. We should get out of here.
[they run, the van chases them... Vecchio looks through apartment... Celine & Todd cut through a parking lot... Vecchio finds a gold cigarette case in a drawer... Todd runs headlong into the street and a car hits him]
Celine : NO!! NOO!!!
[Vecchio hears tires screeching, and rushes down to the
street; Johnstone & thug have gotten out of
van]
Johnstone: All
right, let’s get out of here!
[Celine runs off through the small crowd gathered; the van peels away as Vecchio arrives on the scene]
Ray
: Police, get out of the way! Police!
[kneels, checks
Todd’s
pulse]
Call 911. [checks
Todd’s pockets, and comes up with a card from “Treasure
Antiques”]
[St. Fortunata School, band room; Melissa is practicing a
baritone]
Annie:
Melissa.
Melissa: Yeah,
Sister Anne?
Annie: I have
some sad news to deliver in Chapel tonight, but um, I
wanted to tell you first.
Melissa: Is it
Celine? Is she okay?
Annie: It’s
about Todd.
[Melissa’s
room]
Melissa:
[emotionally]
Celine was only seeing Todd for a couple
of months. At first I thought it was just to make her
parents crazy. Then I think she was really into him. She
could have anyone she wanted, she was so pretty and so
popular. And she was really great to me. And now I just
kinda wish that she would just come home.
[begins to
cry]
Ms. Fraser:
Shh. Shh. Don’t. You’ll just make your eyes all red for
the dance. [hands
her a tissue]
Melissa: I
don’t want to go to a stupid dance anyway. Might as well
be invisible.
Ms. Fraser: You
know, when I was growing up, in the far north, I used to
watch the girls in the village – the other girls in the
village. And I would try to figure out exactly what it was
that made one girl, say, more popular than another one, or
more in demand than another girl. And I used to think it
was they were more attractive.
Melissa:
Please, please don’t tell me they want the plain girls,
cause I already know they don’t.
Ms. Fraser:
No, actually, they wanted the girls with the sharpest
teeth.
Melissa: Huhh,
the sharpest teeth?
Ms. Fraser:
Yes. In the north sharp teeth are very important for
cutting leather and manufacturing clothing.
Melissa: So you
want me to file my teeth?
Ms. Fraser:
Well, that’s a thought. No. The point of the story is
that, it wasn’t their teeth that made them popular. It was
the self-confidence that came from having a purpose and a
goal. The young men responded to that. Would you accompany
me to the dance?
Melissa: Yeah,
I’d like that,
thanks.
[corridor; Ms. Fraser runs a hand under a desk, smells
it... she bends and runs finger under a column, tastes it,
and again...then from behind
her--]
Wanda: We’re on
to you, Miss.
Tiffany:
Totally.
Wanda: We see
the way you’re always opening doors for women.
Tiffany : And the way you’re like, incredibly tall.
Wanda
: And polite.
Tiffany:
Totally!
Wanda: We hear
the way you talk.
Tiffany: For
sure. You know you can’t fool us.
Wanda: We
should have known it right from the start.
Tiffany: You’re
-- a Canadian.
Ms. Fraser: Oh.
Do you think we could keep this between us?
Wanda: We’ll
see.
[Treasure Antiques; Vecchio & Ms. Fraser making their
way to the counter, Ms. Fraser picks up a horn and honks
it]
Ray: Put that
down.
Ms.
Fraser
:
[whispers]
Sorry.
Johnstone: Good
afternoon. Can I help you find something?
Ray: Well,
actually someone. We’re looking for a missing person. Have
you seen this girl?
Johnstone: Yes.
She was in here yesterday.
Ray: Did she
say anything, like where she had been or where she was
going? Anything that might help us?
Johnstone: Are
you her parents?
Ray: No, we’re
just interested parties. Look, if she should come back,
would you give me a call?
[begins to write
down his number]
Ms. Fraser:
Excuse me. Would it trouble you too much if I could have a
look at that flask?
Johnstone: Oh.
I see you have a taste for art deco. Now this is a very
fine piece. From the early 20’s. I just got it in.
[Ms. Fraser licks the flask slowly, looking right at Johnstone, who looks a tad disgusted]
Johnstone
: Ma’am. Are you going to buy that or what?
Ms. Fraser: No.
Ray? [walks
away]
Ray: I’m sorry,
I can’t take her anywhere. If you should see her again,
please call me.
[Ms. Fraser waits by the door]
Ray
: What, you can’t open the door
yourself?
[outside, walking to the
Riv]
Ray: What the
hell were you doing in there?
Ms. Fraser: I
recognized the spores on the flask, Ray. They come from
the same fungus that I found on the bottom of Celine’s
shoes.
Ray: Which
means?
Ms. Fraser:
Which means that she found the flask somewhere on the
grounds of the school, snuck it out, and came here with
Todd to sell it.
Ray: So she’s
looting stuff out of the school.
Ms.
Fraser
: It would appear. And that’s not all. There was a name
engraved on the bottom of the flask: Frank Nitti, with two
T’s.
Ray: Al
Capone’s right-hand man.
Ms. Fraser : Mm-hmm.
Ray
: Frank Nitti’s flask, Elliot Ness’s gun. What is this, a
garage sale for the Untouchables?
Ms. Fraser:
Well, if we can establish --
Ray! Manners!
[waits by the
passenger door until Vecchio reluctantly walks
around]
Ray: You know
Benny, there’s a limit.
[opens
door]
Ms. Fraser: A
limit to good etiquette? I think not, Ray.
Ray: Just get
in the car before I beat you with your
purse.
[Treasure
Antiques]
Johnstone: We
find the school with these uniforms, we find the girl’s
stash.
Al: Aw, there
must be a hundred schools with uniforms like that.
Johnstone: With
this crest?
[Al looks under magnifying
glass]
[St. Fortunata School; restroom; Melissa is looking at her
teeth in the
mirror]
Celine:
[tearfully]
Mel.
Melissa:
Celine? Oh my God. I heard about Todd, are you okay?
Celine: Not
really, no.
Melissa: I
don’t know what to say to you. Is there anything I can do
to help you, anything?
Celine: Yeah.
Will you come with me?
Melissa:
Celine, you mean run away. Why can’t you just stay in
school? Look at what’s happened already--
Celine: No. No.
Todd and I had such great plans. I-I have to do this for
him.
Melissa:
Celine, but it’s dangerous.
Celine: Not if
we get the rest of the stuff tonight. You have to come
with me, Mel. You’re my best friend, aren’t you?
Melissa: Of
course I’m your best friend--
Celine:
And-and-and best friends, they stick together,
right?
Melissa: Yeah,
they stick together, but that doesn’t necessarily mean
that I can run away.
Celine: Listen,
you can start living your life. And then we will be, we’ll
be rich, happy, free.
[Melissa laughs]
Listen, just
meet me at the steam tunnels tonight, okay? Eight o’clock.
We’ll get the rest of the stuff and we’ll get out of this
hellhole, for good. Okay?
[they
hug]
Melissa: I love
you.
Celine: I love
you too. Eight o’clock, okay?
Melissa:
Okay.
[nursing
home]
Ray: How’s he
doing?
Nurse: Oh, he’s
fine.
Ray: Thank you.
Hey, Uncle Lorenzo!
Lorenzo: Who’s
that?
Ray: It’s me,
Little Ray.
Lorenzo: Stand
out here where I can see you. Keep your hands out in the
open.
Ray: Don’t you
remember? I came by at Christmas. I brought you chocolate
cigars?
Lorenzo: Yeah.
Maybe I see it now. I can’t be too careful, you know. I
hear a crew out of Dearborn Park is looking to give me
some swimming lessons.
Ray: Look,
Uncle Lorenzo, I gotta ask you some questions.
Lorenzo:
Everybody’s asking me questions.
Ray:
[quietly]
It’s about a gun. Elliot Ness’s
gun.
Nurse:
[cheery]
Medicine time!
Lorenzo: Go on,
get out of here!
[she
leaves]
Look it, Little Ray. Anyone gets wind of this, I’m gonna
wish the Dearborn Park crew got me.
Ray: I
understand.
Lorenzo: Al’s
got it.
Ray:
Capone?
Lorenzo: Shut
up! What are you trying to do, get me killed?
Ray: Are you
telling me that Al Capone has Elliott Ness’s gun?
Lorenzo: He
did. But word is, Vito swindled him out of it, along with
the rest of the stuff.
Ray: The rest
of what stuff? Who’s Vito?
Lorenzo: Vito
Masucci. Al’s brother-in-law. Don’t you read the
papers?
Ray: Ah, I’ve
been kind of busy.
Lorenzo: Eh,
he’d been taking from everyone. Capone, Nitti, all the big
boys. He’s building himself up a nice stash. Gold, furs,
hooch. The works.
Ray: It takes a
lot of jam to steal from Capone. So how’d Masucci pull it
off?
Lorenzo:
Masucci’s got this construction company. And he built the
vault in one of the buildings he’s working on.
Ray: This
vault, it wouldn’t happen to be at St. Fortunata’s would
it?
Lorenzo: Who’s
been talking? I’m a dead man.
Ray: Look,
Uncle Lorenzo--
Lorenzo:
Basta!
Get out of here! I don’t know you, I never
seen you before, I want to be by myself.
[mutters]
Everybody comes here, they want
information. I’m tired of talking to people. The next
thing you know, the phone’ll ring and it’ll
be....
[St. Fortunata School; Annie’s
office]
Johnstone: I’m
sorry about this, Sister, but the pipes burst next door
and we were afraid you might have some flooding. Do you
mind if we check? Water damage can be pretty
expensive.
Annie: Oh, no,
please. Thanks for letting us know. The last thing we need
is another big expense around here.
Johnstone:
Don’t worry, Sister, we have everything under
control.
Annie: I hope
it won’t take long, there’s a school dance
tonight.
[gymnasium: The
Dance]
Girl:
[voice] And now
a favorite from 1978.
[Music: ‘Heart of Glass’ by Blondie.]
[Tiffany smiles at a
boy]
Wanda:
[wrinkling her
nose]
These St. Arnold’s guys are such geeks.
Tiffany:
Totally.
Ms. Fraser: You
know, your make-up is exquisite.
Melissa:
Thanks. Sister Anne did it.
Ms. Fraser: Do
you see that young man over by the punch bowl gulping down
cup after cup?
I think he’s trying to work up the courage to come and ask
you to dance.
Melissa: Come
on, he’s not even looking this way.
Ms. Fraser:
You’ll have to trust me Melissa, but I have a profound
understanding of the interior working of a young man’s
mind.
Melissa: God,
I’m not gonna be able to do this.
Ms. Fraser:
Sure you will.
Melissa: He’s
coming over. What do I do?!
Ms. Fraser:
Show him your teeth.
[they both turn and smile
toothily]
Punchbowl Boy:
Um, do you um... Do you want to dance?
[she grabs him &
pulls him to the dance floor, where they move stiffly to
the
beat]
[basement; Celine unlocks a door... a hand prevents it from closing behind her]
[Dance; a teacher sidles up to Ms.
Fraser]
Teacher: Care
to dance Ms. uh--
[looks too closely
at “nametag”] --Fraser?
Ms. Fraser: Oh,
uh, no. Thank you, thank you.
[removes
nametag]
I’m just here as an observer.
[he takes her by the
hand...she hesitates, but Melissa shoots her a pleading
look, so she allows Teacher to lead her to dance floor,
where he points ala ‘Saturday Night Fever,’ and they
dance]
Teacher : Get down! You can really move for a big woman.
[Ms. Fraser giggles and spins]
Teacher : I like big women.
Ms. Fraser : Mmm.
Teacher
: More of a good thing, you know?
Ray: I’m
cutting in, Jack.
Teacher: We’re
not finished.
Ray: Take a
hike.
[Teacher leaves,
frowning]
Ms. Fraser:
Thank you.
Ray: You owe
me. [starts dancing
with Ms. Fraser]
Ms. Fraser: For
what?
Ray: For saving
you from dancing with a guy.
Ms. Fraser:
Well, it would appear that I still am dancing with a
guy.
Ray: Right. So
Ness’s gun?
Ms. Fraser:
Keep going, we won’t be able to talk.
[they do the Pulp
Fiction/Batusi]
Ray: Right. Who
still does disco?
Ms. Fraser: The
St. Fortunata School, apparently.
Ray: So Ness’s
gun?
Ms. Fraser:
Mm-hmm?
Ray: And
Nitti’s flask?
Ms. Fraser:
Mm-hmm?
Ray
: It all comes from this vault some mob guy built on the
school grounds back in ‘31.
Ms. Fraser:
Where on the grounds?
[the
swim]
Ray: Well,
that’s what no one’s known for the last 60 years.
Ms. Fraser : Until Celine and Todd found it.
Ray : Bingo.
Ms. Fraser : Ah.
[Melissa sees it’s 8:00 and leaves abruptly; Wanda &
Tiffany see her
go]
Ms. Fraser:
Well Melissa didn’t say anything about this.
[ballet-esque
twirls]
Which makes me wonder what other things she’s kept secret.
[sees Punchbowl Boy
walking
alone]
Ray. She’s gone.
[they tango
away]
[basement; Al grabs Celine from behind]
Al : Hey! We have some business to take care of, cookie.
[corridor
upstairs]
Ray: All right,
she’s gone. I’ll take the front, you take the back.
Ms. Fraser:
[sniffs]
Ray, wait.
[sniffs, stopping near an older nun; kneels & sniffs
her
feet]
Nun: Can I help
you, Ms. Fraser?
Ms. Fraser: Uh,
yes, please,
Sister. Can
you tell me where you’ve been for the last hour or
so?
Nun: At the
print shop in the basement. West wing.
Fraser:
Basement. Thank you. Ray.
[Vecchio takes off, and Ms. Fraser hikes up skirt &
runs full out after
him]
[basement corridor; Melissa knocks on the
door]
Melissa:
Celine?
Wanda: Where
you going, Ducky?
Melissa:
Nowhere.
Tiffany: It
doesn’t look like it. It looks like she’s going, like,
somewhere.
Wanda: You’re
right, Tiff. Let’s go find
out.
[Celine is tied to a
pipe]
Johnstone:
Where is it?
Celine: I don’t
know.
[burst of steam shoots out of a pipe near her
head]
Johnstone: Next
time you’ll be getting the steam cleaning. Oh, Celine, I
know where the stuff you’ve been selling me comes from.
I’ve heard all the stories. Now where is the entrance to
the vault?
Celine: Todd
knew where it was. I don’t.
Al:
Johnstone!
Melissa:
Celine!
Johnstone:
Well, well, well. It’s a party. Maybe you’d talk a little
better if it was one of your friends.
[grabs
Melissa]
Celine:
No!
Melissa:
No!
Celine: No,
please. No, please.
Johnstone
: All right, let’s talk about that vault,
then.
[basement corridor; Ms. Fraser and Vecchio come upon the
now-open
door]
Ray: How do you
know they’re in here?
Ms. Fraser:
Fungus, Ray.
Ray: Of
course.
[they go in]
Voice :[echoing] Ow! Ow! Ow!
Ray
: They sound like they’re this way.
Ms. Fraser:
Then I suggest we go this way.
Ray: Do I dare
ask for an explanation, or I just take your word for
it?
Ms. Fraser:
Well, it’s similar to the Doppler effect, Ray, wherein the
echoes bounce off the walls of the corridor, and the pitch
of the sound waves changes and amplifies--
Ray: I’ll just
take your word for it.
Ms. Fraser:
Very good.
[entrance to the
vault]
Celine: I need
some help.
[she & Johnstone slide the door open...revealing a treasure trove]
Tiffany
: Oh, my God.
Johnstone:
Totally. Al, you come here and get a load and then come
back for some more.
[grabs Celine by
the hair and drags her back from the vault]
Celine:
Ow!
Johnstone:
Ladies, you’re gonna take a seat over
here.
Ms.
Fraser
: The girls aren’t alone.
Ray: The
Doppler effect?
Ms. Fraser:
Size 12 running shoe print.
[Al is carting a load away in a backpack; Ms. Fraser steps out]
Ms.
Fraser
: Excuse me.
Al:
[laughs]
Eh, uh, shouldn’t you be grading papers
or something, gorgeous?
[Ms. Fraser titters, then decks Al, who falls unconscious to the floor]
Ms. Fraser : Grading papers, indeed.
[she takes Al’s gun and hands it to Vecchio; they find the
vault, and Johnstone and thug rush over, pointing their
guns]
Johnstone: Drop
the gun. [Vecchio
points
his] Drop
it. Drop it!
[Vecchio
does]
Ray: You don’t
want to do this, I’m a cop.
Thug: Well,
that’s too bad. We don’t like cops.
[Celine grabs
Melissa and they slip out]
Melissa: Wait.
Celine. Where are we going?
Johnstone:
Never mind them. We got to take care of these nice folks
first.
Melissa
: Wait, Celine!
Celine: Come
on. We gotta get out of here.
Melissa: No, I
can’t. I’m not going. I can’t leave Ms. Fraser.
Celine: What
are you talking about? They’re going to kill us. We’ve got
to get out of here.
Melissa: No,
Celine, I always do what you want but not this time.
Celine: It’s
gonna be so good for us, remember we’re going to go
away--
Melissa: No,
Celine. This is going to be good for you. Ms. Fraser’s my
friend and I’m not leaving. You can go if you want to.
[runs back the way
they
came]
Johnstone
: Ah, you never know. They might find you if they open
this place up again in another 60 years.
Melissa: Ms.
Fraser, duck!
[throws a bottle which crashes behind Ms. Fraser, giving
her a chance to punch Johnstone; Vecchio takes on the
thug... all scuffle, then Johnstone rears his arm back to
throw a
punch]
Ms. Fraser:
Whoa-whoa! You wouldn’t hit a woman, would you?
[Johnstone hesitates, Ms. Fraser knees him, then punches
him... cops are getting the upper hand... Celine rejoins
Melissa... Ms. Fraser decks Johnstone with a roundhouse
right, then blows on fist... Ms. Fraser notices the label
on the broken bottle –
Glendorlan]
Celine: This
one’s for Todd!
[throws a
bottle]
[Ms. Fraser dives
for it, catches it, then lands on the floor... losing the
wig]
Melissa: Oh my
God! Ms. Fraser, you’re a
cross-dresser?!
[outside St. Fortunata’s school; bad guys are getting
carted away, cops, kids, and press are
everywhere]
Tiffany: We
were almost, like, killed.
Wanda: We
almost *did* get killed, you dip.
Annie: You
okay?
Ray: Yeah,
you?
Annie: Yeah,
yeah. The things in the vault will really help the school
out. I owe you one, Ray.
Ray: Ah, no,
you don’t. Call it even.
Annie: Even for
what?
Ray: Well, you
know. You, me, Nicky Stango’s basement. It was all my
fault.
Annie: Your
fault. What, you think you ruined my life? That I had to
become a nun?
Ray: Oh, I
didn’t say that.
Annie: Uh-huh.
It must feel awful to think you’re responsible for the
waste of a perfectly good woman.
Ray: I
am?
Annie: *No*
Ray. Look, I wanted to Nicky Stango’s basement as much as
you did. But after we got caught, I let you take all the
blame. I’m the one who owes you an apology, Ray.
Ray:
Really?
Annie: Yeah. I
was a coward. After that I decided to never be afraid of
my own feelings again. That’s what led me here.
Ray: So I’m not
going to be struck down by lightening?
Annie: No, not
this time. It would be a waste of a perfectly good
man.
[Fraser is back in
red serge uniform]
Fraser: You’re
very brave, Melissa. I have to thank you for saving my
life.
Melissa: You
lied to me.
Fraser: About
what?
Melissa: About
being a woman?
Fraser: Oh yes,
that. Well, yeah. Yes, I did lie about that. Those weren’t
my clothes, that wasn’t my hair.
Melissa: Those
weren’t your breasts?
Fraser: No,
those weren’t my breasts. But other than that, everything
I said was the truth.
Melissa: Well
that’s good, cause the hair color wasn’t right
anyway.
Fraser: Oh,
thank you. I’ll remember that for the next time.
[Melissa
exits]
Ray: You
ready?
Fraser:
Yes.
Ray: You know,
Benny, you weren’t a bad-looking woman.
Fraser: Thank
you, Ray.
Ray; Of course,
you weren’t exactly my type either, you know.
Fraser: What
exactly is your type, Ray?
Ray: Well, I
like a woman who is kind and honest with a good sense of
humor.
Fraser: What, I
don’t have those qualities?
Ray: No, no,
you do. I just like a woman who is, you know, a
woman.
Fraser: Well,
that’s-that’s picky, Ray.
Ray: Aw, don’t
get in a snit.
Fraser: Oh, I’m
not.
Ray: Well
good.
Fraser: Well,
fine.
Ray: So, what
you are doing after work?
Fraser: Nothing
with you.
Ray: You’re so
sensitive!
End