All The Queen’s Horses
<Doo
Mah>
[“ Southern Manitoba , Canada ”]
[Mounties load horses & themselves onto a train; a
camera crew is documenting them; director is watching
footage of The Musical Ride]
Television
Announcer: The
Musical Ride was formed by the Royal Canadian Mounted
Police, as a showcase of their prodigious skill....
Director (Bolt): That’s amazing! I want some of that. Can you shoot me something like that? Let’s go for it!
Announcer
: ...the 32 riders, 32 horses, the scarlet tunic, the
battle lance, and precision drills which culminate in the
“Dome” formation, have inspired wonders since its
inception in 1873.
Bolt:
Chicago
’s gonna love these guys! That is to the bone,
beautiful!
Announcer : ...as an enduring symbol of a nation...
Bolt
: Okay, sweetheart, grab me some shots now. Boom Boom
Boom! I want faces, lots of faces!
Thatcher: You
don’t think we need, say, an on-the-spot interview?
Bolt: You
kidding? You mean one of those 70’s ‘let’s talk about
something we already know’ interviews? I don’t think so.
What
America
wants
is inspiration, not chit-chat.
America
wants
heroes! [to camera
woman]
Shoot her, shoot her!
Camera Woman
(Racine):
Rolling.
Thatcher: What
about that fellow with the big ears?
Bolt: Ross
Perot?
Thatcher: No!
I was talking Mickey Mouse.
Bolt: Does
Mickey have a red tunic, does he have a battle lance? I
think not. Let’s go now! Hunks on
Horseback!
Let’s do it!
Station
Master: [to
assistant]
We have track clearance, so as soon as they’re loaded, let
me know.
Robert Fraser:
Nothing quite like it is there, son?
Fraser: Oh hi,
Dad. I didn’t know you were coming.
Robert Fraser:
I wouldn’t have missed this for the world. Stirs the
blood.
Fraser: You
don’t have blood. You’re dead.
Robert Fraser:
I’ve got the memory of blood. Something beating in there.
Would you look? At my old stable mate?
[Buck Frobisher rides
by]
Fraser: Looks
good, doesn’t he?
Robert Fraser:
Ah. It’s just the uniform.
Fraser: Why
don’t you go say hello?
Robert
Fraser: No, I
wouldn’t want to impose.
Fraser: Well
you’re dead, it’s not really an imposition.
Robert Fraser:
I don’t know if I’d be able to.
Fraser: You
could give it a try.
Robert Fraser:
Well then. Well, maybe I will.
Fraser: Good
luck.
[
Racine
films a horse being loaded onto the
train]
Buck
Frobisher:
Benton
! Did they, uh, issue you one of these yet?
[a cane]
Fraser: Not
yet, sir, no.
Buck
Frobisher: You’re young. In a few years that steel
blade that you took in the leg, it’ll start acting up,
just like it did with me.
[bends to pick up
cane & farts]
Robert Fraser:
Try spending a week on a stakeout with him in Dead Horse
Gulch.
Fraser: Do you
mind?
Buck
Frobisher: What’s that?
Fraser:
Nothing, sir.
Buck
Frobisher: Well, shall we?
Fraser:
Yeah.
Buck
Frobisher: The boys introduced me to a real eye-opener
the other night. Moose hock rolled in wild boar tongue
covered with gorgonzola cheese.
Fraser: I’d
like to try that sometime.
Buck
Frobisher: Don’t be too hasty. It seems to follow you
around for a while.
Voice: All
aboard!!
[the train pulls
away; camera pans to the guard house, where the Station
Manager & his assistant are tied up &
gagged]
[“Somewhere in Illinois , U.S.A. ”]
[train rumbling
along]
Ray:
[voice]
Why are you calling me, Benny?
Fraser: You
told me to, Ray.
Ray:
[voice]
No, I didn’t.
Fraser: Yes,
you did. In fact, your exact words were ‘Let me know how
it goes.’
[card table; Vecchio & the guys (& Dief) in the
middle of a poker
game]
Ray: You see,
this is another thing that’s wrong with you, Benny. When
someone tells you to let ‘em know how it goes, they don’t
mean that you should call ‘em and let ‘em know how it goes
as it’s going. What they mean is that you should let ‘em
know how it goes after it’s all said and done. Do you
understand?
Fraser: Not
entirely, no. How’s Diefenbaker?
Ray: He’s
fine, Benny. Gotta go.
[hangs up, &
gives Dief a basket of cheese
curls]
Okay, gentlemen, here we go. We have a 2-3, possible
straight.
[deals]
2-3-7
, no help
there....
[train; stiff-looking red-serge-clad Mounties get a lecture]
Thatcher
: We will avoid specifics. We will speak only when we are
spoken to. We will keep our responses short and to the
point. We will maintain our postures. And above all we
will act naturally.
[pause]
Why are they staring at me?
Fraser: I
suspect they’re terrified, ma’am.
Thatcher: The
whole point of this exercise is to bring new dynamism to
our image. Look at them – they’re stiffs. Make them do
something, anything, They can break into song, for all I
care. They just can’t sit there.
Fraser: Into
song, sir?
Thatcher: Yes.
Make them sing.
Fraser:
Understood. Excuse me, may I, uh...?
[borrows
guitar]
Thank you kindly.
[clears
throat]
You’re sure about this?
Thatcher:
Yes.
Fraser: Very
well.
[Music: ‘Ride Forever’ by Paul Gross & David Keeley.]
Fraser : [singing] Well I was born up north of Great Slave, 1898/
[boom mic hovers over Fraser’s head]
And I rode
near all my life on a ranch near Devil’s Gate/
And I’ve seen this world about me, bend and flip and
change/
Hey, it feels like rain – it’s a thunder cloud./
Well, I’ve been called a coward, but I’ve seen two world
wars/
And I lost my son, Virgil – my Korean
reward/
[Fraser keeps an eye on the camera crew]
And my Lucy
died last summer, and you ask me if I cry/
Hell, I’ll
show you tears - they’re all over this ground/
They’re falling from these blue Alberta Skies.
Mounties:
We’re going
to ride forever/
You can’t keep horsemen in a cage/
Should the angels call, well it’s only then/
We might
pull in the reins.
[Fraser signals to
Thatcher who follows him down the train; on the way he
hands the guitar to another Mountie who carries on singing
the second verse]
Mountie : [singing] Now they tell me I’m an old man, they tell me I am blind/
They took my driver’s license, this house ain’t far behind/
I say: jump back all you big suits, you got something wrong/
Cause I ain’t gone, no I ain’t gone...
[back of train car]
Thatcher
: Fraser, I was in the middle of a very important--
Fraser: I
apologize for interrupting, sir, but I believe something
is amiss.
Thatcher:
Well, I suppose that there is always room for improvement,
but on the whole I think we’ve got some promising
voices.
Fraser: No,
it’s not with the singers, sir. It’s with the film
crew.
Thatcher: The
film crew?
Fraser: If
that is indeed what they
are.
[camera crew/terrorists go to front of train
car]
Bolt: Okay!
Let’s do it.
[henchman releases a gas into the vent of Mountie
car]
[Mountie
car]
Mounties:
[singing]
We’re going
to ride forever/
You can’t keep horsemen in a cage/
Should the angels call, well it’s only then/
We might
pull in the reins...
[Mounties are all
gassed unconscious except for Buck]
Buck
Frobisher:
[sings]
So I say
to all you old men, don’t let yourself get broke/
When you think the world’s gone crazy and it’s scratching
at your throat/
Time to dust off that old saddle, get it on a
horse/
Kick up your spurs, we’re going to run like stink/
We’re going to tear across these blue Alberta
skies/
I’m gonna to Ride Forever....
Da da da dada da da
da...
[notices the men are out cold]
Buck
Frobisher: Men?
Men? I didn’t
realize... I’m sorry
[gets up to leave
& farts; goes into
washroom]
[back of train car]
Thatcher
: Well, what do you suppose we do?
Fraser: I’d
like a moment to think about that.
[pauses, opens a window, then dives out of it]
Thatcher: Well,
that’s very
helpful!
[terrorists run through the Mountie car, holding their noses; Fraser hangs underneath the train]
[washroom; Buck goes to...use the facilities]
Fraser:
[voice]
Sergeant Frobisher! Before you continue
may I have a word with you?
Buck
Frobisher: Friend or foe?
Fraser:
[voice]
Friend, I assure you.
Buck
Frobisher: Where are you?
Fraser:
[voice]
I’m right here, sir.
Buck
Frobisher: In the sink?
Fraser:
[voice]
No, sir, to the rear.
[Buck looks into toilet, and sees Fraser’s
face]
Buck Frobisher:
Great
Scott!
Benton
?
Fraser: I’m
relieved to see you’re all right, sir.
Buck
Frobisher: That’s a matter of opinion. What are you
doing in my toilet?
Fraser: Well,
I’ve come to debrief you, sir.
Buck
Frobisher: Is something wrong with the door?
Fraser: We
have a problem, sir. I believe that the men have all been
gassed.
Buck
Frobisher: Oh my god.
Fraser: Yes,
and furthermore, it’s my belief that this train is no
longer under our control.
Buck
Frobisher: It’s worse than I thought.
Fraser: Yes,
sir, and I thought it prudent to inform you.
Buck
Frobisher: Inform me? I’ve been living with it for a
week!
Fraser: Sir,
I’m sorry, but I can’t see how this relates to the
terrorists.
Buck
Frobisher: Neither can
I.
Fraser: It is
my belief that this train has been taken over by
terrorists, and that they have gassed the men into a
stupor.
Buck
Frobisher: Well, that’s a relief.
Fraser: That’s
a relief?
Buck
Frobisher: How many terrorists?
Fraser:
Undetermined, sir.
Buck
Frobisher: Strategy?
Fraser:
Unformed. I thought I should first assess your status and
then report back to our superior officer. In the meantime
I suggest you just continue with your current,
uh...project.
[sticks hand through
toilet hole]
Buck
Frobisher: Oh, uh... Good luck, son.
[shakes Fraser’s hand, and his own hand is pulled through the hole; Fraser shimmies away under the train]
Buck
Frobisher: Uhh,
Benton
, my arm is stuck....stuck...My arm is stuck in the hole!
Give me some help, Constable, that’s an order!
Robert Fraser:
God, you sound like an old man!
Buck
Frobisher: I sound like a-a what?
Robert Fraser:
An old man!
Buck
Frobisher: You say that I--
[gets his arm
unstuck]
Old man?! I tell you that--
Robert Fraser:
How are you,
Buck?
[Fraser climbs back through the window]
Fraser: It’s
just as I suspected, sir...
[sees Thatcher now
has on red
serge]
You’ve changed.
Bolt:
[pointing
gun] And
she’s looking *real* good, dontcha think?
[laughs]
I just love a woman in a uniform! And
these particular uniforms are so darned arresting, I just
thought to myself, hey, why not?
Whooo!
[laughs]
[washroom]
Robert Fraser:
What is there about this situation that you can’t believe?
That I’m dead?
Buck
Frobisher: No. Absolutely not, I believe you’re dead.
But there is, uh, one thing that bothers me. I mean, you
seem to be who you seem to be, but by the same token, then
you do not seem to be who you do not seem to be, and
that’s a different story, so there you are.
Robert Fraser:
Do you want proof?
Buck
Frobisher: What?
Robert Fraser:
Do you want proof?
Buck
Frobisher: Absolutely!
Robert Fraser:
All right. Let’s hear it.
Buck
Frobisher: Very well. On
April
23rd,
1957
, sixty miles north of
Destruction
Bay
, two young men stood on a rope bridge which spanned a
canyon. On the other side of that bridge a young woman was
being held in the clutches of a deviant. They had two
cartridges between them and one rifle. They knew it was an
impossible shot, but each one knew that whoever made that
shot would secure the love of that woman. The first man
tried. He failed. And the second one tried and, uh, he won
the whole shooting match.
Robert Fraser:
And we were very happy, Caroline and
I.
Buck Frobisher:
Yeah, I know that, I know that, I know that! But the
question is: these two men, through their long years of
friendship, often talked about that impossible shot. And
when they did, what did they call it?
Robert Fraser:
The shot you mean?
Buck
Frobisher: Yes, the shot.
Robert Fraser:
Ah. Well, uh...the shot they called, uh....
Buck
Frobisher: Time is up!
Robert Fraser : Aw, come on!
Buck
Frobisher
: Bob Fraser would have gave the answer in one
second!
Robert Fraser:
Well, I’m dead. It affects your memory.
Buck Frobisher:
Out! Out, now!
Robert Fraser:
All right! It was called... The Great
Yukon
, Double-Douglas Fir, Telescoping Bank Shot.
Buck
Frobisher: My God. Bob Fraser!
[goes to hug him
& runs his head into the mirror] Does that always
happen?
Robert Fraser:
It’s not important. The important thing is you’re in quite
a pickle my friend. You’ve got a train to stop.
Buck
Frobisher: Right you are.
Robert Fraser:
How do you stop a train?
Buck
Frobisher: You put on the
brakes.
[poker game; Vecchio’s cell phone
rings]
Ray:
[answering,
whispers]
Look, I am holding the bullet in low Chicago in a $1200
pot that keeps on growing. This better be good!
Fraser:
[voice]
This is Constable Benton Fraser of the
Royal Canadian Mounted Police and I am reading a prepared
text.
Ray:
[to
guys] Am I
some kind of god, am I some kind of bad luck god?
[to Fraser]
Hold on.
[gets up &
retrieves a small tape recorder]
Fraser : [voice continues, with no one listening] ...a chartered train...0-2-3, traveling on the Paliser Line is now hostage. Any attempt to board the train will result in the death of those on board
Ray
: Okay, ready? Shoot.
[places phone onto
the recorder & continues with game]
Bolt: Our
demands are as follows. Ten million dollars to be
delivered by Detective First Grade Raymond Vecchio of the
Chicago Police Department, unaccompanied, to the station
siding number 33 on the Paliser line by 4pm, Central
Standard Time. Be ever vigilant, America, for the enemy is
already among us!
Ray: I’m in.
I’ll see that 300 and raise you a
hundred.
[train engine]
[Buck enters – a man hangs out of the window]
Buck
Frobisher
: Ah HA! [tosses
the guy overboard]
Man : Ohhhhhhh!
Robert
Fraser
: Mmm-mm.
Buck Frobisher:
What are you humming about?
Robert Fraser:
Ah, nothing, nothing.
Buck
Frobisher: When you hum it always means
something.
Robert Fraser:
Well, do you know how to operate a train?
Buck
Frobisher: I was counting on you.
Robert Fraser:
I haven’t the foggiest.
Buck
Frobisher: Oh, well...it can’t be that hard. Must be
someplace where they put the coal.
[Robert gives him a
look]
[27th precinct; Welsh’s office]
[Welsh is just taking a huge bite of a sandwich, when
Vecchio enters, with Dief on a leash]
Ray: Sir, we
have a situation.
[bullpen]
Ford: What have
you got for me?
Deeter:
Nothing yet. We’re running Vecchio’s tape for a voice
match but that could take a while.
Ford: Get
Harris at State, I want him on line. And get the
divisional guy from the NTSB down here, *now.* Jordan!
Phelps! McTavish!
Inside!
[Welsh’s office]
Ford
: All right. Gentlemen, here’s our situation.
Representatives from State and the NSC are meeting
regarding the larger implications. Now as I speak, two
rapid response teams are flying in from Fort Bragg--
Ray: What no
B-52 squadron?
Ford: You have
a problem with this, Detective?
Ray: You know,
Ford, we all have our own style. Me, I get a headache, I
don’t take a chainsaw to it. I swallow a couple of
aspirin.
Welsh:
Vecchio, this is their field protocol.
Ray:
Lieutenant, there are people on that train. Sure, they’re
Canadians, but they’re still people, and we don’t know
their situation is.
Ford: That’s
right, Detective. We can’t talk to them, so we don’t know.
Therefore we assume the situation has gone sour until we
receive confirmation one way or the other. You know,
you... Let’s be clear about one thing, all right? You are
a conduit. You deliver the money. Nothing more. Do we
understand each other?
Ray: I don’t
think that’s possible.
Deeter: I’m
confused. What is a musical ride, anyway? Some kind of
theme park thing?
Welsh: Oh
no-no-no, it’s much more than that.
[dreamily]
It’s 32 horses and riders moving as one,
perfect harmony between man and beast. A kaleidoscope of
manes and tails and battle lances crisscrossing in a
collage of synchronous movement. Takes your breath away.
[everyone looks at
him] Hey,
I was a kid. It haunted
me!
[train; horse car]
[Bolt pushes Thatcher & Fraser ahead of him]
Bolt : [singing quietly] ...and as I go, I love to sing, a Mountie on my back. Now, then. In an effort to show you that my intentions are serious-- [opens door] --I was thinking that this is a gesture you might appreciate.
[henchman throws out the door an unconscious Mountie, who crashes through a window & onto the lunch table of a farmer & his wife]
[Fraser and Thatcher are handcuffed, arms around each other]
Bolt
: Now, this amuses me, you see? Superior officer, junior
officer. Boss, worker. The empowered, the unempowered. And
look, they’re even hugging each other. It’s a beautiful
thing, don’t you think?
[laughs]
Fraser: What do
you hope to gain from this?
Bolt: You
couldn’t possibly imagine. Or maybe you can. Start by
thinking chchchchchchch – train. Now think... Pshw! –
explosives. Now put ‘em together ... chchch – train...
Pshw! – explosives!
[laughs] [to
henchman]
If they move, shoot
‘em.
[27th precinct]
Deeter: We have
confirmation! A Mountie showed up for lunch at a farmer’s
house. I’ll get the money ready.
Ford: Get
Vecchio in
here.
[train engine]
Buck Frobisher:
Ah ha!
Robert Fraser:
What’ve you got there?
Buck
Frobisher: I’ve found it, found the brake.
Robert Fraser:
What makes you think it’s the brake?
Buck
Frobisher: It’s written right on it – “Brake.”
Robert Fraser:
Ah, could be a ruse.
Buck
Frobisher: To what end?
Robert Fraser:
Something criminal.
Buck
Frobisher: Are you insinuating that an entire design
crew has deliberately mislabeled the key elements of a
train?
Robert Fraser:
Well, it’s possible.
Buck
Frobisher: I’m talking to a lunatic.
Robert Fraser:
Now you see, this is what’s wrong with you, Buck – you
discount everything but the probable. It’s why you
couldn’t make that shot way back then--
Buck
Frobisher: Don’t think you can twist the knife! That
was springtime. I had my allergies, my eyes were
cloudy!
Robert Fraser:
Whatever helps you sleep.
Buck
Frobisher: This
is the brake,
Bob, and I’m going to bring this train to a halt.
Robert Fraser:
Wait!
Buck
Frobisher: What?
Robert Fraser:
What are these?
Buck
Frobisher: Wires. Oh. My god.
Robert Fraser : They bypassed the brakes.
Buck
Frobisher
: Better get hold of Benton. This train is a
runaway.
Robert Fraser:
This train is a runaway.
[municipal airport; Turnbull hands Vecchio a large bag]
Ray : [to Ford] Yeah, and don’t wait up.
[walks with Dief to the waiting helicopter]
[horse
car]
Thatcher:
[whispering]
(The men aren’t dead, are they,
Fraser?)
Fraser: (No,
ma’am. As we passed through the Ride car, I detected the
after-odor of the quixodaman root. It is found exclusively
in the upper reaches of the Amazon basin. In its gaseous
form it’s known as quixodamanophil. It’s a paralytic, it’s
harmless, but the men won’t regain consciousness for
approximately 26 minutes.)
Thatcher: (Say
no more.)
[to
henchman]
Excuse me.
[Guard station 33]
Ray: How you
doing? I’m with the police.
Station
Master: You are? And where are they?
Ray: Well I’m
it, I’m the police.
Station
Master: You are? Do you like it, son? Does it pay
well?
Ray: Yeah it’s
fine. Do you have something called a mail
pole?
[horse car]
Henchman:
Robert De Niro? That’s who I based my whole character on.
You met him?
Thatcher:
Dated him.
Henchman: De
Niro?
Thatcher: He
gave me a tattoo. On my hip.
[henchman bends
down to look; Thatcher knees him, then Fraser kicks him,
knocking him out]
Fraser: Very
nice work, ma’am.
Thatcher:
Thank you.
[long pause as they look at each
other]
Fraser: May
I...
Thatcher May
you what?
[Fraser retrieves a
hairpin from Thatcher’s hair with his mouth; they move in
to pull it apart with their lips, but it drops – right
into her cleavage; he’s frozen, but she indicates he
should go after it; he bends down & retrieves it; they
finally pull the hairpin apart, and he proceeds to pick
the lock on his handcuffs]
Fraser:
[sniffs]
Escada?
Thatcher: I
beg your pardon?
Fraser: The
fragrance you’re wearing?
Thatcher:
No.
Fraser:
Cartier?
Thatcher:
No.
Fraser:
Chanel?
Thatcher:
Please.
Fraser:
[has picked the
lock] I
give up. What is the perfume you’re wearing?
Thatcher: I’m
not wearing anything, Fraser. I hate perfume.
Fraser:
Ah.
[after a
<pause> he slides down her body to escape from the
bindings]
[Guard station 33]
[train goes by and a henchman retrieves the money bag from
the mail
pole]
[inside the train]
Bolt : It’s all there?
Henchman : Yeah.
Bolt
: Perfect. Now find the old geezer and give him the
heave-ho.
[washroom; Buck waves Thatcher & Fraser
inside]
Buck Frobisher:
Allow me to debrief you. The enemy has bypassed the brake
valve. In a nutshell, this train is a runaway.
Fraser: Not
only is it a runaway, sir, I think it is loaded with
explosives.
Buck
Frobisher: The station back there, they took something
off the mail pole.
Thatcher:
Ransom.
Fraser: Which
leaves only one conclusion: the ransom was a cover. Their
darker purpose is to drive this bomb into the heart of
Chicago--
[footsteps overhead]
Thatcher: Do
you have your gun?
Buck
Frobisher: Left it at the border.
Fraser:
Likewise.
Robert Fraser:
[from under the
toilet]
Why don’t you use my gun?
Thatcher: If
we survive this, remind me to make some changes to
official travel policy.
[wipes nose with
tissue, then flushes it]
Fraser: Stand
clear.
[opens the door & knocks over a henchman, who
recovers, grabs an axe, and chases Fraser through the
train]
Buck Frobisher:
Well, he’s going to need some help.
Thatcher: No.
It’s my
responsibility.
[Fraser climbs onto roof; henchman
follows]
Fraser: I’m
glad you could join me.
[they
scuffle]
[Thatcher climbs up
the ladder & pulls back to hit the bad guy]
Fraser: Ma’am,
I would really prefer that you not—
[she hits the henchman; he starts to fall & grabs Fraser’s lanyard]
Fraser
: Oh dear!
[Fraser and
henchman fall from train]
Thatcher
: FRASER!!
[horse
car]
Thatcher: It
was my fault.
Buck
Frobisher: No, it wasn’t.
Robert Fraser:
Well, in a way, it was.
Buck
Frobisher: Stay out of this.
Thatcher: How
can I stay out of it? I am the senior officer on board
this train. Fraser was on my immediate staff. He was my
responsibility.
Robert Fraser:
She has a point, Buck.
Thatcher: He
drove me crazy, that’s no secret. But lately I had started
to think. I mean, I had started to feel...
Robert Fraser:
Great Scott, you don’t think she’s--
Buck Frobisher:
Great Scott, you don’t suppose that you’re, uh...
Thatcher: I’m
confused, Sergeant. My feelings are very confused.
Buck
Frobisher: I see.
Robert Fraser:
‘I see’? What kind of counsel is that? Console her, for
God’s sake!
Buck
Frobisher: Uh, Inspector, um... There are times
between men and women...times between men and women when
things grow...Feelings... Uh, well... Enough said.
Robert Fraser:
Enough said?
Thatcher:
You’re right, Sergeant. We’ve got a train to stop. We have
to push on. You handle the men. I’ll take the engine.
[exits]
Robert Fraser:
She really takes death in her stride, doesn’t she?
Buck
Frobisher: You don’t think that Benton is really dead,
do you?
Robert Fraser:
No. My guess is he’s executing a plan to bring this crisis
to an end.
[Fraser is on a handcart, following the
train]
[Guard Station
33]
Ray: You got
any way to track these trains? Some kind of grid, or
computer, or something?
Station
Master: Oh sure, they gave me a computer, but it’s a
useless piece of junk. Nothing on it but fish. Little fish
swimming around...
Ray: Yeah,
they call that a screen saver.
[hits a couple of
buttons & screen comes up]
Station
Master: You
some kind of expert?
[Fraser lassoes the caboose & pulls the cart closer to
the
train]
[train]
Racine: I can’t
find Brecht.
Bolt: Forget
about Brecht.
Racine: I love
you, you big lug.
Bolt: I know.
Now let’s go set some charges and head back to the
caboose.
Racine: Okay.
Uh-huh.
Bolt: Yeah!
Let’s do
it.
[between two cars; Fraser appears as Thatcher is going
into next
car]
Fraser:
Ma’am!
Thatcher:
Fraser!
Fraser: Thank
God you’re all right.
Thatcher: I
thought you were--
Fraser: Dead?
No, ma’am.
Thatcher: How
did you--
Fraser: That’s
not important, what is important--
Thatcher: Not
important?! I
grieved for you!
Fraser: You
did?
Thatcher:
Briefly.
Fraser:
Understood. Red suits you.
[pause]
Fraser
: I’ve had some time to think about it, and it’s my
conclusion that given the nature of our situation and the
threat that we pose, if we fail to stop this train, then
the only logical course of action for the authorities will
be to destroy it.
Thatcher: And
everyone on board?
Fraser: Yes,
ma’am.
Thatcher: But
that’s madness!
Fraser: Put
yourself in their position. Wouldn’t you do the
same?
Thatcher: You
think I could be that cold-hearted?
Fraser: Well,
forgive me, ma’am, but I would have thought you more than
up to the challenge.
Thatcher: Is
that what you think of me?
Fraser: I
don’t mean to upset you.
Thatcher: I’m
not upset, Fraser.
Fraser: It’s
just, what I’m trying to say is--
Thatcher:
Let’s go.
[they climb onto
the roof of the train & run toward the
engine]
[engine; Bolt & Racine set up an electronic timer device]
[train
roof]
Thatcher:
Actually, Fraser, I am upset. What makes you think we’re
so different? You graduated the first of your class, and
so did I. You received medals for field work; so did I.
You wear red serge; I wear red serge. The only difference
between us is that you’re a woman, and I’m not.
Fraser: I
think you have that backward, ma’am.
Thatcher: You
know what I mean!
Fraser: Yes, I
do.
Thatcher: I’m
not made of stone.
Fraser: I’m
very much aware of that.
Thatcher: Are
you?
Fraser:
Yes.
Thatcher: You
are?
Fraser: I know
you have a heart. And I think it beats just the same as
mine.
Thatcher: You
think it does?
Fraser:
Yes.
Thatcher: What
about right now?
Fraser: It’s
racing.
Thatcher: Out
of control?
Fraser: It’s a
runaway.
[they kiss...Music:
‘See the Light’ by James Seals, Tom Price, Jack
Lenz. A
passing bridge lops the top off of Fraser’s Stetson –
which doesn’t dissuade them]
Buck
Frobisher:
[popping his head
out] Uh
<ahem>
[Thatcher & Fraser break apart quickly]
Buck
Frobisher
: Uh, I’m not one to throw water on a decent fire, but
something is afoot. The enemy is gathering in the
caboose.
Thatcher &
Fraser: We were just, umm--
Buck
Frobisher: Strategy session, I understand.
[tracks; henchman diverts the
train]
[27th precinct]
Deeter: They’ve
gone off the grid!
Ford: It’s not
a jet people, find
it! FIND
IT!
[Guard station 33]
Ray: Where the
hell did it go?
Station
Master: I told you it was a useless piece of
junk.
[tracks; henchman gets on the caboose, then, by remote, sets a track truck going along the way they were going]
[27th precinct]
Agent: We’ve
got it back!
Everyone: All
right!
Yeah!
Woo!
[Guard station 33; Vecchio is looking at a map]
Ray: Where does
this end up?
Station
Master: At a nuclear plant. but your train won’t make
it there because there’s another one coming this way
carrying spent fuel rods.
Ray: Why the
hell would they
divert? Fuel
rods.
Station Master:
Yep. It’s a trainload of radioactive uranium.
Ray: So if
their train meets up with our train and our train’s
wired... Oh my God, you got a car?
Station
Master: Have I got a car!
Ray: Let’s
go.
[27th precinct]
Elaine: We have
a voice match.
Ford: Name:
Bolt, Randall K. Born: Oregon, 1953. Ex-military
demolitions expert. Dishonorably discharged, 1987,
following an explosion in an officer’s mess in Baden
Baden. Went underground stateside, resurfaced in a white
supremacist group based out of Idaho called the Fathers of
Confederation. He’s been linked to a number of recent
bombings and train
derailments.
[Jeep; driving fast cross-country]
Ray: What’s
this? [pointing to
map]
Station Master:
Safety measure, emergency run off shunt.
Ray: Can we
get our train on it?
Station
Master: Just got to got to the
switch.
[train; Mountie car]
Fraser: All
right, follow me.
Thatcher:
No.
Fraser:
Ma’am?
Thatcher: This
is my detail. I’ll go first, you’ll follow me.
[exits]
Robert Fraser:
Boy, times change. On balance I think for the better, but
in my day a woman wouldn’t be allowed--
Fraser & Buck
Frobisher: Do you mind?
[they look at each
other]
Fraser: Do you
mean that-that you can...
[Buck
nods]
Great Scott.
Robert Fraser:
Fellas – this is not a good time to ponder on one of
death’s mysteries. What happened to your hat?
Fraser:
Nothing.
Robert Fraser:
Understood.
Fraser: Ready?
Go.
[they charge out... only to see Thatcher on the caboose
being held at
gunpoint]
Bolt: Well!
Howdy, gentlemen! Look, first of all, I want you to know
that I have no quarrel with you personally. As a matter of
fact, I really love that horsy thing you do, you know? It
kinda turns me on. Ha ha ha! But the American Government
is an outlaw government! Because it is a government that
has chosen to betray the sacred trusts of its founding
fathers! And that betrayal cannot be tolerated. So that
so-called ‘government’ has to be punished, you see. So I
have decided to take this opportunity to demonstrate a
little trick I’ve been working on with this radio
frequency transmitter.
[flips the switch, which activates the timer device in the engine]
Bolt:
This
train is bound for glory. Because this train is now a
trigger mechanism for imminent nuclear meltdown.
[Bolt climbs down
& uncouples the caboose; Fraser moves to jump the gap,
but Buck pulls him back]
Buck
Frobisher: Priorities, son.
Fraser: But
sir--
Buck
Frobisher: Priorities.
[Bolt & crew wave from the caboose, dropping slowly back]
Robert Fraser:
Buck. Would you have a word with him?
Buck
Frobisher: Why me? He’s your son.
Robert Fraser:
Yeah, I know, I...But I’m dead and my advice has been
growing stale lately. Go ahead.
Buck
Frobisher: Benton? Your mother, uh...your mother
married a good man.
Fraser: Yes,
she did.
Buck
Frobisher: I suppose in a way that your father and I
were rivals, but in the end, we forged ahead. We overcame
no matter what. What I’m...what I mean is that between men
and women there are things, uh...between men and women
there are things...which arise... Feelings.
Fraser: She’s
my superior officer, sir. That’s all.
Buck
Frobisher: Well...Enough said.
Robert Fraser:
All done?
Buck
Frobisher: Yeah.
Fraser : Back to business.
[Jeep; still traveling cross-country, fording through
stream]
[27th precinct]
Ford: All
right, we’ve got a failsafe position at mile 31. The train
enters the tunnel, we can pull the rails, hit it with
everything we’ve got.
Welsh: Wait,
wait, wait. You’re going to blow up the train?
Ford: Would
you rather we blow up
Chicago?
[trellis; train is about to pass underneath]
Ray : [to station master] Go!!
[with Dief in his arms, Vecchio jumps onto the train...]
Ray : AHHHHHHHH!!!
[...and lands just as Buck & Fraser are emerging from
a
car]
Buck Frobisher:
Good timing! We could use some extra men!
Ray: Hey look,
we just jumped onto a speeding train! You think someone
could say hello?
Fraser: Hello,
Ray. We’re in a bit of a pickle.
Ray: You’re
telling me, and it’s a
dill!
[engine]
Ray: This train
is on a collision course with a load of radioactive
uranium. I’m talking major meltdown.
Bolt:
[voice over
intercom]
We are heading south.
Racine:
[voice]
What do you mean south, honey, I thought
we were heading north.
Bolt:
[voice]
Change of plan.
Henchman:
[voice]
What do you mean change of
plans?
[caboose]
[Thatcher is leaning on the intercom button]
Bolt: Well,
several changes of plan, actually. We are heading south to
an ATV and a helicopter and second, well, it turns out I’m
kinda greedy so you won’t be coming along.
[he shoots them -
**BANG**BANG**]
[engine]
Bolt
:
[voice]
Just you and me now, Inspector
Thatcher.
Ray: They got
the Dragon Lady.
Fraser: Let’s
get to work.
Buck
Frobisher: All right, priorities. One, defuse the
train; two, stop the bomb.
Fraser: Or we
could defuse the bomb and then stop the train.
Buck
Frobisher: Exactly. Have I overlooked something?
Fraser: What
if we can’t do either?
Ray: I’ve
found us a safety net. There’s an emergency run-off shunt
a couple of miles down line.
Fraser: How do
we pull the switch?
Ray: We don’t
have to. I got a man on it right now. He’ll be at the
switch before we get there.
[jeep is booking it, leaping over the
tracks]
[caboose has stopped; Bolt and Thatcher run to where an
ATV has been hidden]
Bolt: Ahh! Our
chariot
awaits.
[engine]
Buck Frobisher:
[looking through
binoculars]
We have a train at twelve noon.
Fraser:
Range?
Robert Fraser:
[looking through
binoculars]
6 point 3 kilometers.
Buck
Frobisher: 6 point 3 kilometers.
Ray: It’s got
to be something right in front of us...
Robert Fraser:
6 point 1 kilometers.
Buck Frobisher:
6 point 1 kilometers.
Ray: Something
obvious.
Robert Fraser:
5 point 7 kilometers.
Buck Frobisher:
5 point 7 kilometers.
Robert Fraser:
5 point 3 kilometers.
Fraser
: Where’s your man on the shunt?
Ray: Don’t
worry, he’ll be there.
Buck Frobisher : No, son, I don’t think he will be.
[train passes the jeep, stuck vertically in the mud; station manager stands by, waving helplessly]
Buck
Frobisher
: Give me that gun.
Fraser:
Sir?
Buck
Frobisher: You heard me, the gun. Stand
back.
[on the front of the train]
Robert Fraser:
The Great Yukon, Double-Douglas Fir, Telescoping Bank
Shot?
Buck
Frobisher: Any bloody shot I can make. What end of
this thing do you look through?
Robert Fraser:
I haven’t a clue. How about this?
[the telescopic
sight]
Buck Frobisher:
Technology. [tears
off the sight]
Forget
it.
[engine]
Ray: So what
are these numbers?
Fraser: Well
these indicate the hours, minutes, and seconds, which
means this must indicate the--
Ray: The speed
of the train.
Fraser: Right.
So this will function as a monitor. If the train
decelerates it will send a signal to the clap board which
in turn will send a pulse to the explosives.
Ray: So we
have to trick it into thinking that it’s still
moving.
[Dief barks, calling their attention to an electric
fan]
[on the front of the train]
Buck Frobisher:
It’s an impossible angle.
Robert Fraser:
No angle is impossible.
Buck
Frobisher: You were Bob Fraser,
young Bob
Fraser. Look at me. My eyes are fading, my knees won’t
hold me up, and I’ve been passing wind for the past
week.
Robert Fraser:
Do you want me to tell you how I made that shot?
Buck
Frobisher:
No.
[engine]
[Fraser & Vecchio have disassembled the
fan]
Ray: Give me
that wire.
[on the front of the train]
Buck Frobisher:
Of course, if you feel you must, then, go ahead.
[Robert whispers in his ear...Buck looks at him with
disbelief...Robert nods & points... Buck
aims]
[engine]
Ray: Hurry up,
start the
fan.
[oncoming train is getting closer, and closer]
[on the front of the train]
[Buck closes his eyes and fires... and the bullet hits the
switch]
Robert Fraser:
Good man!
[engine]
Ray: It’s
working. Hit the brakes!
[Fraser turns the handle... the trains barely miss the head-on collision]
Robert
Fraser
: If it was me son, I’d saddle a horse.
Ray: Where are
you going?
Fraser: To
saddle a horse.
Buck
Frobisher:
[coming back into
engine]
Where’s he going?
Ray: To saddle
a horse.
Robert Fraser:
What about the men?
Buck
Frobisher:
Uh...[checks
watch]
Well, if Benton’s right, they should be coming to right
about...
now!
[Mountie car]
Mounties:
[wake up all at once &
sing]
We’re going
to ride forever/
You can’t keep horsemen in a cage/
Should the angels call, well it’s only then/
We might
pull in the reins...
[horse car]
[Fraser is preparing a horse, and Buck enters]
Buck Frobisher:
You didn’t think you were going to take this ride by
yourself, did
you?
[all the Mounties ride off the train on horseback]
[ATV; Bolt & Thatcher see Mounties cresting the hill, and go the other way]
Buck Frobisher:
Charge!
[Mounties give chase, whooping & hollering]
Bolt: They
always look so
happy.
[Fraser, then Buck
throw their battle lances into the ATV’s engine; Bolt aims
his gun, but Thatcher throws him to the ground; she leaps
onto Fraser’s horse; Mounties execute a formation,
surrounding Bolt, and all point their battle lances at
him]
[unhurriedly riding back to the train; Fraser & Thatcher riding double; Bolt alone, hands tied behind him]
[Fraser salutes his
dad]
Buck Frobisher:
Bob! Isn’t that my old horse Bucket? That was shot out
from under me in the Dry Gulch Canyon?
Robert Fraser:
Yeah, I thought you’d like to see him again.
Buck
Frobisher: Oh yes, very thoughtful.
Robert Fraser:
Did I congratulate you on that shot?
Buck
Frobisher: Yes, I hit the target.
Robert Fraser:
Well anyway, it ranks right up there with The Great Yukon,
Double-Douglas Fir, Telescoping Bank Shot.
Buck
Frobisher: You realize, of course, that I knew that
you were always the one she loved.
Robert Fraser:
Oh, now you’re saying you missed intentionally.
Buck
Frobisher: We were friends.
Robert Fraser:
No, we weren’t.
Buck
Frobisher: Yes, we were!
Robert Fraser:
No-no-no-no.
Buck
Frobisher: Don’t you tell me after 37 years together
on the force--
Robert Fraser : You told people I was a friend, but, no...
[they continue to
bicker]
Thatcher: You
realize Fraser, that what happened between us can never
repeat itself. Unless of course the exact same
circumstances were to repeat themselves.
Fraser: By
exact same circumstances, sir, you mean we would have to
be aboard a train loaded with unconscious Mounties, that
had been taken over by terrorists and were heading for
nuclear catastrophe?
Thatcher:
Exactly
Fraser:
Understood.
[Vecchio and Dief standing on top of train]
[Dief
whines]
Ray: I know
big fella, but there are times between men and women when
things come
up. You know,
feelings. [Dief
grumbles]
Enough
said.
End