Body
Language
[street]
Ray: Haven’t
won a hand at cards in two weeks, my love life’s in the
toilet, and I can’t buy a decent bust.
Fraser: How is
it new sunglasses will chance your luck, Ray?
Ray: Well, I
can only guess that the old ones had some mojo, because
since I lost them it’s been downhill.
[tries on a
pair] What
do you think? These look lucky to you?
Fraser: Oh,
very lucky.
[sees a woman (Ida) getting into a cab, who drops her stuffed rabbit toy]
Fraser
: Would you excuse me for a second, Ray? Excuse me, ma’am?
Taxi!
Ray: Where you
going?
Fraser: She
dropped her rabbit.
Ray
: So?
[a taxi stops for
him, but he decides to run, pushing through crowded
street; Dief follows, eyeing the rabbit]
Fraser: Excuse
me. Ah, excuse me, sorry.
[goes through a
minivan]
Fine automobile.
Ray:
[to clerk]
For five
bucks they gotta be worth a try, huh?
Guy on bike:
[to
Vecchio]
Get out of the
way!
[runs Vecchio
over]
[Fraser runs through
construction site]
Fraser
: Excuse me.
Workers: Hey,
come on! Oh, come on! What!
[through a group of
people]
Fraser:
Uhp, pardon me. Sorry about
that.
[Ida’s taxi stops for traffic, and Fraser catches up,
holding up the
rabbit]
Ida: Bunny!
[grabs the
toy] Did
you run all this way just to give her back?
Fraser: Yes,
ma’am. And you know, for future reference you might want
to fasten your handbag more securely.
Ida: Wow.
That’s just so nice!
Fraser: Are you
all right, ma’am?
Ida:
[near
tears]
Mm-hmm.
Fraser: Very
good. [goes to
leave]
Ida: No! I
mean, maybe. I mean, do you think maybe this could be a
sign?
Fraser: A sign
of what?
Ida: Well,
Bunny, she’s my good luck charm, you know, and...I don’t
know, a lot of people think I’m really weird cause I have
a good luck charm.
[horn
honks]
Fraser: Well,
you’re not alone.
[horn
honks]
Ida:
[to car]
Hey, keep
your pants on you jerk!
[to
Fraser]
You’re some kind of cop, aren’t you? I think Bunny must
have brought you to me for a reason.
Cabby:
Lady!
Ida: Look.
Tonight. Come here. Come here!
[Fraser leans in,
and she
whispers]
Two o’clock at a liquor place called
Konerko. Just don’t tell
anybody I told you, okay?
Fraser: I don’t
even know who you are.
Ida: Yeah, I
know.
Cabby:
Lady.
Ida: You can go
now. [cab drives
off]
Ray: What was
that all about?
Fraser: I
really don’t know, Ray.
Ray: Well, I
gotta tell you, these shades aren’t the answer. Ten
seconds after I put ‘em on, I got hit by a bicycle
messenger--
Fraser: Don’t
throw them out. They may have brought you something
interesting after
all.
[night; man cuts chain-link fence; he goes through the
hole and moves beside a semi truck, pulls out a bomb &
connects wires to
it...]
Cop: Freeze!
Police!
[police
swarm]
Ray:
[to
uniform]
Come on, move, get in there! Nice tip, Benny. Who’d the
lady say she was?
Fraser: She
didn’t. But I think I know where to
look.
[diner. Music: ‘New World
Comin’ by Dawn
Aitken & Jack
Lenz]
Waitress: I’m
sorry, boys. I don’t remember.
Ray: How could
you not remember?
Fraser: She was
here yesterday. She was about five-three, a blond, and was
wearing a green coat.
Waitress: A
picture. It might help. I’m visually oriented.
Ray: Yeah,
well, we didn’t think to take her picture.
[Fraser pulls a pencil out of his
collar]
Waitress: Oh, I
wish I could help. Oh, would you boys like a coffee?
Ray: Yeah, a
coffee’d be great.
[Fraser is
sketching]
Waitress:
Cream?
Ray: No.
Fraser: All
right, here you go, Ray. I’m afraid it’s the best I can
do.
Ray: What, are
you kidding me? It’s perfect.
Fraser: Oh,
it’s not perfect. The angle of the line from the chin to
the jawline--
Ray: I said
it’s perfect.
Waitress: Oh,
yeah. Yeah, I remember her. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Fraser: Is
there anything you can tell us about her?
Waitress:
Nothing. I never saw her before.
Ray: Look, did
she say anything? Where she was from, where she was going?
Maybe, you know, hair appointment, grandfather,
anything?
Waitress: No,
not a word. Except...tuna surprise and tea with lemon.
Does that help?
Fraser:
No.
Ray: All right,
look, if you see her again, give me a call.
[gives waitress his
card]
Fraser: Thank
you kindly. [gives
waitress a bill]
Waitress: Boys,
there was something peculiar about her money. Not like she
kept it in her hat like you but...
[roots around in
purse]
Here. [holds up a
bill]
Here’s the tip she left me. I don’t know if it means
anything or not, but, um, you don’t see bills folded like
this very often.
Fraser: No, you
don’t.
Ray: Well, you
do if you know where to
look.
[exotic dance club. Music: ‘Somebody’s Been Lying To Me’
by Black Market.]
Fraser: You
think it’s likely she’s an entertainer of this type,
Ray?
Ray: Yeah.
Where else you gonna find dollar bills folded so they’ll
stay in a g-string?
[dancer flashes
them as they enter]
Ray: Thank you.
Hey Benny, you ever been in a place like this
before?
Fraser: Not
that I recall, Ray, no.
Ray: What,
don’t they have these places up in the Yukon?
Fraser: Oh
sure. Sure they do. They’re just all not that common,
that’s all.
[they stop in front of a dancer on a
platform]
Ray: So what
did you guys do for bachelor parties up there?
Fraser: Well,
at the only one I’ve ever attended, Ray, a prize was
awarded for the best impression of the mating call of a
bull moose.
Ray: Yeah,
don’t tell me, you won.
Fraser: All
right.
[Vecchio is mesmerized by the
dancer]
Ray: Huh?
Fraser:
Nothing.
[exotic dance club #2. Music: ‘Shut Up’ by National
Velvet.]
Ray: I hope
this isn’t too embarrassing for you, Benny.
Fraser: Uh, no,
it it’s not embarrassing in the least, Ray.
Ray: Then how
come you’re not looking?
Fraser: Well, I
only saw the face of the woman we’re tracking, and I don’t
believe I could recognize her by her other
features.
[exotic dance club #3. Music: ‘Bonanza Theme’ performed by the Jio Midi Orchestra.]
Fraser
: I’m sorry we’re not being more successful, Ray. I may
have to pick up with you again tomorrow. I have night duty
at the consulate in an
hour.
[exotic dance club #4: Mount Olympus. Music: ‘I’d Rather
Be Your Lover’ by Black
Market.]
Ray: All right,
this is the last one. We’re in, we look, we’re gone, all
right? [to
clerk]
Two.
Clerk (Barry):
Twenty.
Ray: Gimme a
receipt.
Barry:
Receipt?
Ray: That’s
what I said, a receipt.
Barry : It’s coming.
Ray
: [to
Fraser]
Ten bucks a pop just to get in the door. No wonder why
these places make so much money.
Barry: Your
receipt.
Ray:
Thanks.
Barry: Have a
good time.
Fraser: Thank
you kindly.
[Vecchio & Fraser enter the club]
[man (Ordover) knocks on Barry’s
window]
Ordover: Barry,
what are you doing behind the cash?
Barry: Hey.
[crawls out from
behind the
window]
Mr. Ordover, how you doing? Oh, I was just filling in for
Julia. You know, the baby’s sick.
Ordover: Get
someone else to fill in. You’re not a bouncer anymore.
You’re management.
Barry: You are
absolutely right. You’re absolutely right, Mr. Ordover.
That’s not gonna happen again.
Ordover:
Atta boy. Any trouble from
Litvak tonight?
Barry: No, not
at all, nothing, not a thing. Here you go.
[hands Ordover a wad
of cash]
Everything was beautiful.
[Ordover counts the
money]
Hey, uh, I heard about the bust last night.
Ordover: I lost
a good man on that one.
Barry: Yeah.
Well, Mr. Ordover. If there’s anything, absolutely
anything I can do--
Ordover:
Thanks, Bar. I got a lot of ground to cover tonight.
[puts a bill into
Barry’s pocket and goes to leave]
Barry: Anything
at all?
Ordover: Hey,
keep up the good work, huh?
[inside the club; Vecchio & Fraser walk through,
looking at all the
dancers]
Fraser: She’s
not here, Ray.
Ray: All right,
I’ll get you back to work, then keep looking myself.
Dancer 1: Ooh,
nice uniform, soldier.
Fraser:
Actually I’m not a soldier. I’m a Mountie.
Dancer 2: I’ll
bet you are.
Ray: You know
Benny, you gotta let me borrow that uniform sometime. It’s
got a lot more juice than these glasses.
Announcer: And
now, gentlemen, the jewel in our crown, the Goddess of
Love, Aphrodite!
[on stage, a giant clam shell opens, and a woman
emerges]
Ray: Hey,
Benny, isn’t that--
Fraser: Yes, it
is, Ray.
Ray: Okay, you
talk to her. She didn’t see me, she saw you. Come
on.
Fraser: Ray, I
really do have to get going. Perhaps I’ll, uh, I’ll just
try and shedule an
appointment.
Ray: No, you
gotta make contact now.
[they sit right next to the stage as Ida dances. Music: ‘It’s Greek To Me’ by Jack Lenz & Jio Midi Orchestra.]
[Ida rolls on the stage, putting her head near
Fraser]
Fraser: Good
evening, Miss Aphrodite.
[Ida
gasps] I
wonder if I could--
Ida: What are
you doing here?
Fraser: I’d
like to introduce you to a friend of mine.
Ida: No. I
shouldn’t have said anything to you before. Why don’t you
just leave me alone, okay?
Fraser: She
doesn’t want to talk to you, Ray.
Ray: Well, I
don’t care. She has to.
[a scream, then more
screams, and many women come running out of the back room
– and so do many rats; Fraser grabs one up]
Barry: Kill the
music! [music
stops]
Sorry about this folks. Uh, I’ll give you all passes for
another night. Everything will be all right. A temporary
problem.
Ray:
[holds up
glasses] These things are useless.
Barry : [voice] Shoo! Shoo! Get out of here.
Ray
: Benny. You’re holding a rat.
Fraser: Yes,
I’m aware of that, Ray.
Ray:
Uch, now you’re kissing
it?
Fraser: No, I’m
smelling her breath actually.
[opens door & sets it outside]
Fraser : There you go. All right, off you go. [rat doesn’t go] You have nothing to be afraid of. Well, that may not be true in the larger scheme of things, but at least this ordeal is over. So, off you go. Toodleloo.
[rat goes]
Fraser
: [to
Ida] Oh,
hello.
Ida: Shh! I
can’t let anyone see me talking to you. Go to my apartment
and let yourself in. Here’s my spare key and my address.
I’ll be there in 15 minutes. Take it.
Fraser: Very
good.
[Ida’s
apartment]
Fraser:
[on
phone]
Constable Turnbull? Yes, it’s Constable
Fraser.
Listen, I wonder if you’d be so kind as to stay on duty
for approximately 20 minutes until my arrival...No, you
won’t get into troub-- ...I’m
sure the insp-- ...Turnbull!
Turnbull? Calm down...Now you are just the messenger. She
will not shoot you. Well, if she does, I’ll admit I was
wrong...All right. Thank you kindly.
Ida: Hi.
Fraser: Hello,
Ida.
Ida: How do you
know my name?
Ray: Saw it on
the mailbox.
Ida: Oh, right.
Nobody followed you here, did they?
Fraser:
No.
Ida: Good. I
figured they’d all be preoccupied at the club. I can’t
believe you tracked me. Who are you guys?
Fraser: I’m
Constable Benton Fraser, RCMP.
Ida:
What?
Fraser: Uh,
Royal Canadian Mounted Police. And this is my friend,
Detective Ray Vecchio.
Ida: Chicago
PD. Oh god. Look, I shouldn’t have said anything to you
guys yesterday, and I have nothing else to say now. So it
was really nice to meet you and I hope you have a good
night. [opens
door]
Ray: You know,
Ida... [shuts
door]
Ida: Ida.
Ray: That crime
that you tipped us off to?
Ida : Mm-hmm?
Ray
: Well, that was pretty serious.
Ida:
Yeah.
Ray: We just
want to know a little more about it.
Ida: Like I
said, I mean, I can’t say anything else.
Ray: You know
as police, our job is to help you.
Ida:
Uh-huh.
Ray: Now if you
don’t want to help us we’re gonna have to slap you with a
subpoena.
Ida: Oh. God. I
was such an idiot.
Fraser: No,
Ida, you’re not. You were concerned about something, you
acted responsibly. You have a good conscience.
Ray: She’s a
stripper!
Ida: Dancer. I
don’t think I like you very much.
Ray: You don’t
have to like me. You just have to talk to me.
Fraser: You’re
worried about someone. A man. A man who smokes too
much.
Ida: How did
you know that?
Fraser: Well,
you don’t smoke, and yet you have ashtrays stationed
everywhere in your apartment. He also drinks rather more
than you would like. The indentation on the lacquer of
this chest suggests that there was a decanter on it until
recently. And then you became concerned and you removed
the liquor so there’d be less temptation, but it didn’t
work, did it?
Ida: No.
Fraser: You
wish he would stop doing what he’s doing, and let you take
care of him.
Ida: Yeah. You
got all that by just looking around my apartment?
Fraser:
Yes.
Ida: Wow.
Ray: Who’s the
guy?
Ida: I’m not
talking to you.
Ray: Ask her
who the guy is.
Fraser: She’s
not going to betray him, Ray.
Ray: Tell her
she has no choice.
[outside, a horn honks and trash cans are run
over]
Ida: Oh my god.
Oh my god! [Ida
looks out the
window]
Oh, my god, he’s here. He’s here. Quick, get in the
closet!
Fraser: Right
you are. [gets
in]
Ray
: I am not getting in the closet.
Ida: Well he
can’t find you here. It’ll ruin everything. You--
Ray: I am not
getting in the closet! I’m going to stand right here, ‘til
he comes upstairs, and we’re going to have a little
chat.
Fraser: Ray,
please get in the closet.
Ray: Benny, get
out of the closet.
Fraser: Ray,
get in the closet.
Ray: I am not
getting in the closet.
Fraser: Ray, if
you don’t get in the closet, you’ll lose your
source.
[Vecchio watches
from the closet as Barry comes in, very drunk]
Barry: What a
night. Can you believe it, babe? These-these rats right in
the damn club.
Ida: Are you
all right?
Barry: Yeah. I
had to get out of there. I closed the place down, I called
the exterminator.
[she realizes Fraser’s Stetson is still out there; he opens the closet door, and she throws it to him, Frisbee-style]
Barry
: This is getting serious, babe. I need a drink.
Ida: Baby, you
been drinking all day.
Barry: Hey, I
don’t have enough grief already? I mean, how I’m gonna get
through this, baby, if you’re gonna give it to me,
too?
Ida: Baby, you
been acting too tense lately. Come on you can talk to
me.
Barry: You
don’t understand, baby. Business is business. You don’t
need to know. You don’t want to know.
Ray: I want to
know.
[Barry snores on the
couch]
Ray: He’s
conked. Let’s get outta here.
[they exit the
closet]
Ida: Are you
guys all right?
Fraser: We’re
fine.
Ray: No, we’re
not all right.
Ida: Thank you
so much for doing this. Just tiptoe out, okay?
Ray: Not until
you tell me who that guy is.
Ida: That’s
Barry Pappas my boyfriend, although I’m starting to wonder
why.
Ray: Barry
Pappas. Didn’t he used to be a fighter?
Ida: That’s
right.
Ray: I lost
money on that guy.
Barry: Shut
up.
Ida: Shh.
Barry: I can
do it, just give me a shot.
Ray: Who’s he
talking to?
Ida: Oh, I-I
didn’t want you to hear this.
Barry:
Tomorrow. I’ll fix ‘em for you.
Fraser: So this
is how you knew about the liquor truck.
Ida:
Uh-huh.
Barry: I’ll
burn it to the ground.
Ida: I’m not
gonna wake him up and ask him.
Ray: All right,
fine. I will.
Ida
: No!
Fraser: You
probably won’t have to. He’s in the fourth stage REM
trance enhanced by the effects of alcohol.
Ida: Well,
what’s that mean?
Fraser: It
means he’s talking in his sleep.
Ida: Well, you
could have just said so.
[Vecchio squats near
Barry]
Ray
: [into Barry’s
ear] All right, Barry. Talk to me. What are you gonna
burn?
Barry. What you
said.
Ray: What did I
say?
Barry:
Warehouse. Third and Green, midnight. You’re gonna let me
do it, right?
Ray: Yeah,
we’re gonna let you do it, just tell us whose warehouse
are you gonna burn? Barry. Barry!
[Barry turns over and hugs Vecchio around the neck,
holding
on]
Ray:
Barry!
Barry: Oh,
baby, you’re the best. You’re the best, baby.
Ida : All right, are you satisfied?
Ray
: No, I am not satisfied! Now what I need from you is to
get a tape recorder and record everything he says. Do you
hear me? [Barry rubs
his head affectionately]
Ida: Yeah,
well, Barry’s all I got, and I’m doing everything I can to
keep him out of trouble, and now you want to put him in
jail, and I’m not gonna have anybody.
Ray: Will you
shut up and just get me out of this?!
Fraser: Ma’am,
do you think you could...
Ida: Not ‘til
he apologizes.
Ray: I’m not
apologizing to her.
Fraser:
Ray.
Barry: Come
here, baby. [gets
more affectionate]
Ray: Okay,
okay. I’m sorry, all right? I’m sorry.
Ida: Fine. Come
on baby. Come on baby. There you go.
[eases Barry off of
Vecchio]
Fraser: Thank
you kindly.
Ray: All right.
Make sure you call me.
[hands her his
card]
Fraser: You
know, Ida, I think there probably is a good man waiting
out there for you somewhere. One more worthy of your
affection. Possibly one who could stay awake.
Barry: Shut
up.
Fraser: Sorry.
Goodnight.
Ida:
Goodnight.
[consulate, Fraser’s office]
Fraser
: Turnbull? I, uh--
Thatcher: I
sent him home, Constable. Over two hours ago. Would you
care to tell me where you’ve been?
Fraser: Well
I-I’ve been in a closet, ma’am.
Thatcher: Any
particular closet?
Fraser: An
exotic dancer’s closet.
Thatcher: Well,
that’s your business, of course.
Fraser: Well, I
don’t think you understand, ma’am. I was in the closet
with Detective Vecchio.
Thatcher: I
think that’s all I care to hear about it, Constable.
Perhaps you’ll take the assignment I’m about to give you
as an opportunity to reflect on the importance of
punctuality.
[day; Fraser stands at guard duty... a pigeon lands on his
hat]
[27th
precinct]
Elaine: Here’s
everything I could find on Mt. Olympus, Ray. There’s been
some disturbances there recently with their plumbing and
electricity and then the rats last night. But, they
haven’t filed any complaints.
Ray: Thanks,
Elaine.
Huey:
[to
suspect]
You got a lawyer or not? What’s the deal?
Welsh: Huey,
nice work on that B+E. It’s got to be at least a
seven.
Huey: Thank
you, Lieutenant.
Ray: A seven,
for a B+E?! You gotta be kidding me. That can’t be worth
more than a four.
Huey: Mmm, four
for the bust, three for artistic interpretation.
Ray: Eh, give
me a break.
Welsh:
Vecchio.
Elaine:
Ray?
[points to his sunglasses, he removes them and goes into
Welsh’s
office]
Welsh: Close
the door. Vecchio, what is this?
Ray: Expense
report, sir.
Welsh: $220 for
strip clubs?
Ray: I had to
go to a lot of them, sir.
Welsh: Here I’m
thinking you’re out chasing a bomber, and you’re going to
strip joints. Vecchio, you are in no position to yank my
chain.
Ray: With all
due respect, sir, I wouldn’t call a shot at taking down
Mark Ordover yanking your chain.
Welsh: Mark
Ordover?
My-colleagues-in-the-14th-and-22nd-would-love-to-take-him-down,
Mark Ordover?
Ray: None
other, sir. He’s the bankroll behind the Mt. Olympus Club,
and I have reason to believe he’s the man who ordered the
bombing.
Welsh: What
have you got on him?
Ray: I spoke to
one of his people. They’re gonna be burning down a
warehouse.
Welsh: He told
you that?
Ray: I heard it
right from his lips.
Welsh: All
right, Detective. You got a full team at the
warehouse.
Ray: Thank you,
sir.
Welsh: And
Vecchio.
Ray: Sir.
Welsh: Stopping
a possible mob war – that’d be a ten.
Ray: A ten,
sir?
[Welsh nods]
Ray
: Thank you.
[leaves smiling,
and puts glasses back
on]
[bullpen]
Huey: Why stop
it?
Ray: Stop
what?
Huey: The mob.
Beating each other up. Let ‘em take each other out.
They’re just doing our job for
us.
[consulate; Fraser stands motionless, pigeon on his hat;
Ida jumps out of a
cab]
Ida: Hey! Hey!
It’s me. Ida Banks from last night.
[scares bird
away] Oh!
Hello? Oh, I get it, you can’t move, right? Or talk or
nothing, huh? Maybe that ain’t so bad. A guy that doesn’t
talk back. Anyway, I been thinking about what you said,
about how there’s a good man out there for me? And then it
hit me. You were talking about you. See, the thing is,
Barry, he used to be the sweetest guy. I mean when he was
a bouncer he was so shy he could hardly even watch me
dance, and I liked that, you know? But the last couple
months ever since he got this job, and he was promoted
assistant manager, he’s been all different and
stressy and drinking and
talking in his sleep and telling me to shut up all the
time and... [she
runs her hands over
him] I
just want a guy who’s gonna treat me nice, you know?
[slips her hand into
the
tunic...]
So am I right or
what? You
know... [she hugs
him] You
really are a gentleman. If you want to ask me out
sometime, I just might say yes. I mean that is, if Barry
doesn’t clean up his act, I mean. Anyway, I got to get
going. See you round, Mr. Mountie.
[Ida leaves; Thatcher watches, glaring, before going inside]
Fraser
: Oh,
dear.
[warehouse; night; two men walk out of the shadows
carrying
jugs]
Ray:
[into
walkie-talkie]
Here they come. Hold your positions.
Fraser: Have
you had any luck finding out who owns this place?
Ray: Yeah, it’s
a dummy corporation. Which usually means mob money. I got
Elaine working on it right now. These things are pretty
tough to crack.
[the men approach the building’s
entrance]
Huey: They’ve
got enough gas to burn down the whole block.
Ray:
[into
walkie-talkie]
Let’s get ‘em.
Huey: Let’s
go.
[officers swarm, sirens & lights... arsonist pulls out his weapon]
Fraser
: Gun!!
[Huey gets shot in
the right shoulder; a uniform gets the shooter; rest of
cops descend on the arsonists]
Cops:
Freeze!...Hold it right there, buddy...Keep your hands
up.
Ray
: You okay?
Huey: Yeah. He
just winged my vest.
Ray: Sorry
Jack, maybe you were right. We should have let them take
each other out.
Mom: Don’t
shoot, we didn’t do anything.
[mom and two kids
crawl out from under the building]
Huey: Maybe
not.
[Mt. Olympus
Club]
Ordover:
Unbelievable!
Barry:
What?
Ordover: The
police were at the warehouse. Waiting for my guys.
Barry: Again?
That’s two times in a row.
Ordover: Well,
somebody must be talking.
Barry: No, not
me.
Ordover: If I
find the leak, it is not gonna be pretty.
Barry: Mr.
Ordover, if there’s anything I can do. Anything.
Ordover: There
might be.
[warehouse; Huey has been loaded into an
ambulance]
Ray: So what do
you feel like, Benny? Chinese, Italian, barbecue? It’s
your call.
Fraser:
Barbecue.
Ray: All right,
I know a great place for ribs.
Fraser: No-no,
Ray. The rat I examined. Her breath? It had the scent of
barbecue sauce and barbecue ribs on it. Now it was
partially digested, of course, which is why it took me so
long to place it.
Ray: So what
does that mean?
Fraser: Well,
Mt. Olympus doesn’t offer ribs on its menu. So that’s
probably not where the rat got the food.
Ray: So the
rats were imported.
Fraser: Well,
possibly, so if we can locate the source of the sauce,
then we may be able to find the saboteur who released the
rats into Mt. Olympus.
Ray: All right,
so let’s recap. I got a guy who talks in his sleep and a
stripper who’s ripping your clothes off.
Fraser: No, I
didn’t say she was trying to rip my clothes off. I said
she merely slipped her hand... It’s not important.
[cell phone
rings]
Ray:
Vecchio.
Ida: Detective?
It’s me, Ida. Barry talked in his sleep again. It’s bad
this time. He’s gonna kill
someone.
[Mt. Olympus Club; Ida packs stuff into her bag, while
Vecchio plays with a
teddy]
Ida: You dance
cause you love it, and then you dance to make money, and I
don’t mind the taking my clothes off part so much, I
really don’t, I mean, Isadora Duncan did say that clothes
were dishonest anyway, and then you meet a guy you think
that he’s the sweetest person in the whole world, and he
ends up being a killer-- excuse me!
[grabs teddy from
Vecchio]
Ray: Ida, can
we focus here?
Ida: Yeah,
yeah, okay, I’m focused. I’m really focused.
[to
Fraser]
Can you get that teddy, please?
Fraser: Ida,
who did Barry say that he was going to kill?
Ida: Like he’s
gonna tell me. Okay, I’m gonna be better off without
him.
Ray: No, you
can’t leave him.
Fraser: Ray,
she has to do what she thinks is right.
Ray: Benny, you
want to work with me here? Look Ida, you said that you
loved him, right?
Ida: Yeah, I
did.
Ray: All right,
now Barry, he’s been under a lot of pressure lately and
he’s not at his best.
Ida: You’re
just saying that because you want me to keep telling you
what he says in his sleep.
Ray: If that’s
what it’s gonna take to prevent a murder? Yes.
[Ida takes a deep
breath]
Fraser: Ida,
can you think of anyone who would want to hurt
Barry?
Ida: Someone
wants to hurt Barry?
Ray: Ida, he’s
into some pretty serious stuff here.
Ida: Yeah, well
you talk to him, because he won’t listen to me anymore
anyway.
Fraser: Ma’am,
your teddy.
Ida: You know,
I, uh, [unzips his
lanyard]
I’m still available, that is if you still wanna...go out
with me sometime.
Fraser: Ida,
I-I hope I didn’t mislead you in anyway, um--
[redoes his
lanyard]
Ida: No-no-no,
see, the invitation it’s, uh, still good. That is, if
you’re a decent guy and not a crumb like Barry.
[messes with his Sam
Browne, touching him a lot]
Fraser: Thank
you.
Ida:
Yeah.
Fraser
: Thank you.
Ida: Well,
Bunny and I have to go.
Fraser: Well,
uh, goodnight.
Ida:
Goodnight.
[she kisses him on
the cheek and exits]
[27th precinct; Elaine sets boxes onto
Vecchio’s
desk]
Elaine: Little
Tony’s Rib Pit, The Rib Shack, Ribs
O’Rhonda, and Tickle my Ribs.
I think you have all the ribs on the south side. Do you
mind if I ask what’s going on?
[Fraser is tasting one rib from each
box]
Ray: We’re
tasting them.
Elaine: I can
see that. I meant why.
Ray: You don’t
want to know.
Elaine: Try
me.
Ray: All right.
Rat breath.
[Dief
growls]
Elaine: Ah.
[exits]
Ray: I told you
you don’t want to know.
Fraser:
[to
Dief]
Ah-ah-ah-ah, don’t wolf it down. You’re supposed to taste
it. Now remember, we’re looking for a combination of
jalepeño peppers and raw comb honey in a 1 to 4
ratio.
Ray: You know,
Fraser, we been at this all morning. Do you mind if we
move on?
Fraser: Well,
you could help me.
Ray: I don’t
think so. All right, I’m gonna go shake Barry’s
peaches.
Fraser: Well,
he hasn’t done anything, Ray. And if we can find the right
sauce, we’ll have found a piece of the larger
picture.
Ray: You want
to know what the larger picture is? Me without a source.
Now I got to catch something for my troubles, even if it
is a minnow like Barry.
[Vecchio puts on his
shades and walks away; Dief growls as he tastes a rib from
the Kit Kat Corral, and picks it up with his
mouth]
Fraser: Wait a
minute.
[Vecchio comes back as Fraser takes the rib from Dief and
tastes
it]
Ray: Oh, that’s
disgusting.
Fraser: This is
it.
Ray: The Kit
Kat Corral? This ain’t no
minnow.
[Kit Kat
Corral]
Litvak: Well.
Howdy, partners.
Fraser:
Howdy.
Ray: Yeah,
howdy to you, too, partner. We’re looking for
Litvak.
Litvak: Well,
you moseyed into the right saloon, buckaroos. I’m Litvak.
What’s on your mind?
Fraser:
Tomatoes, vinegar, sugar, both brown and white, mustard,
Worcestershire sauce and jalepeño peppers with raw comb
honey in a 1 to 4 combination.
Litvak: You
gonna bust me for my mother’s rib recipe? Is that what
you’re gonna do?
Ray: No, how
about 50 rats chasing away the customers of Mt.
Olympus?
Litvak: Hey
pal, don’t blame me. Maybe those rats were just looking
for one of their own kind.
Ray: Yeah, and
maybe you’re not up to the competition.
Litvak: Mark
Ordover? Competition? Hell. You must be kidding.
Dancers: Howdy,
Shelly.
Litvak: Hello,
girls. See that? That’s the real reason I love this
business.
Fraser: Mr.
Litvak, I’d like to take a look in your kitchen, if you
don’t mind.
Litvak: What
for?
Ray: Evidence
linking you to the rats.
Litvak: Hey
kid, you don’t seriously think that I could go down for
rat food, do you?
Ray: No, but he
does, and that’s all that counts.
Man
: Come on with me, the kitchen’s back here.
Litvak: All
that counts. What the hell do you mean by that?
Ray: We want
you to call a truce with Ordover.
Litvak: Truce?!
You must be kidding, he’d only break it! That punk got the
ethics of a rattlesnake.
Ray: Yeah,
well, when he breaks it, you give me a call. Cause if you
get me something I can use on Ordover, maybe nobody has to
know about the rats.
Litvak: Fair
enough, partner. Now, why don’t you get along, little
doggy. I have 75 candles to blow out tonight. Gotta
conserve my breath. Heh
heh.
Ray: Happy
trails to you, partner.
[exits]
Litvak:
Nelson.
Nelson: Yes,
Mr. Litvak.
Litvak: I like
that Mountie look, but I could do without those two guys,
Frick and Frack. Make sure
that I don’t see them anymore. Do you understand
me?
[Fraser comes out of the kitchen holding a plastic
cup]
Fraser: This is
the sauce. [notices
a woman
crying]
Ida? Is that you?
Ida: Oh,
hi.
Fraser: What
are you doing here?
Ida: Making a
living. They gave me a job. But I miss Barry.
[Music: ‘I Need New Tires’ by
Jio Midi
Orchestra]
Ray: Great!
Well, not that you miss Barry. That uh, maybe it’s time
for reconciliation.
Ida: I’m not
going to get back together with Barry so I can rat on
him.
Ray: Not so you
can just rat on him.
Ida: Don’t you
get it? I just want the old Barry back.
Ray: Well, if
we don’t find out who Barry’s gonna kill--
Fraser:
Ray-Ray. May I have a word with you? Excuse us.
Ray: Better
talk to Welsh. Put a 24 hour tail on this guy.
Fraser: I think
I’d like to try something
else.
[boxing club; Barry works out on a heavy
bag]
Fraser: Excuse
me.
Barry: This a
private club, pal.
Fraser: Well,
actually I came to see you.
Barry: Me? I
know you?
Fraser: No, but
I know you.
Barry: That’s a
good one. I ain’t heard that one in a long time. That’s
what guys used to say when they wanted me to throw a
fight.
Fraser: But you
never did, did you?
Barry: No. No.
But I might as well have. Hey listen, Red, if you’re gonna
stand there and talk, why don’t you come over here and
hold the bag so I don’t cool down.
Fraser: All
right. You know I stopped at the library on the way over.
Looked up some old articles on your career. It was very
promising for a while.
Barry: Yeah,
you win some, you lose some, huh?
Fraser: In the
end it seems you lost rather more than you won.
Barry: Listen,
I fought my heart out every time.
Fraser: You
know, my friend Ray describes one of your fights. He bet a
substantial amount of money on you.
Barry: He wants
his money back, tell him to forget it.
Fraser: No,
it’s not about the money. What he describes is the third
round. You’d hit your opponent with three solid hooks, his
legs were rubbery, he was about to go down. All you needed
was one more punch. Yet you didn’t have the heart to throw
that punch. Your opponent recovered. He knocked you out in
the fourth.
Barry: Yeah,
well, if I had to do it all over again, I’d throw the
stupid punch.
Fraser:
According to your records you never did. And that’s why
people started calling you a loser.
Barry: Listen,
I’m not a loser.
Fraser: No, I
know you’re not. I know that. Particularly not to people
who matter.
Barry: What’s
your point? Get to your point.
Fraser: I’m a
friend of Ida’s. And we’ll be at the 12th
Street Grill at 7 o’clock. If you’d care to join
us.
[street; Barry waits, and a limo pulls up to
him]
Ordover: Hey,
Barry. You wanted to see me?
Barry: Yeah.
Mr. Ordover, I gotta tell ya, I’ve been having second
thoughts.
Ordover:
Really.
Barry: Yeah,
it’s just that...I got some stuff to straighten out with
Ida.
Ordover: Wait a
second, I thought that was over. I thought your mind was
on the business at hand.
Barry: Well, it
is. It is. Believe me--
Ordover: What’s
important to you? I mean, do you want to move up in the
world? Or do you like the view from the bottom?
Barry: I’m
gonna be someone.
Ordover: Then
think about what’s best for Barry right now.
Barry: Yeah,
but Ida, she’s--
Ordover: No,
no, Barry. You’re not listening. Think about it.
[rolls up
window] I
got a job for you,
Leo.
[12th Street
Grill]
Ray:
[on
phone]
Yeah, thanks, Elaine. Great work.
[hangs
up] Hey,
Benny. So you were right about Litvak. He’s the money
behind the warehouse and that liquor dump.
Fraser: Well,
that’s good. I thought you’d be here with Ida.
Ray: Aw, she’ll
be here. She just stopped home to change. How ‘bout Barry,
is he gonna come?
Fraser: Well, I
guess we’ll know when he gets here.
Ray: Do you
think you could be a little more noncommittal?
Fraser: Well, I
didn’t put a gun to his head.
Ray:
[pulls off his
sunglasses]
You know, Benny, you need a good luck charm. Something
that’ll give you a little more optimism.
Fraser: I
happen to think I’m very optimistic, Ray.
Ray: All right.
Then tell me that Barry’s going to show, that you can feel
it in your gut.
Fraser: Well, I
can’t empirically. I don’t know whether he’s gonna
show.
Ray: See? No
optimism.
Fraser: All
right [to
waitress]
Excuse me, we’ll have *four* menus please.
Satisfied?
Ray: Yeah, it’s
a start.
Fraser: Good.
[to
waitress]
Thank you
kindly.
[Ida’s apartment; she gets ready to leave, goes back for Bunny; as she exits, two thugs grab her and take her back inside]
[12th Street Grill; Vecchio & Fraser stare
at
watches]
Ray: She gets
back to her apartment, goes to the john, that’s 2
minutes.
Fraser: She
applies her makeup, that’s an additional 10 minutes.
Ray: Changes
her clothes, 5 or 6 more.
Fraser:
Something’s wrong.
Ray
: Let’s
go.
[Mt. Olympus Club; phone
rings]
Barry:
Pappas.
Ida: It’s
Ida.
Barry: Hey,
baby. I was just thinking about you.
Ida: Well
don’t.
Barry: Don’t
what?
Ida: Think
about me. I’m not gonna be meeting you at the diner,
Barry, so don’t bother showing up.
Barry: What?
What do you mean?
Ida: Mr. Litvak
offered to pay me twice as much money to dance than you
ever did. He’s a really nice guy, and he told me he was
gonna introduce me to all kinds of guys who are really
good-looking, and successful. So I’m sorry, Barry, but...
[thug holds a gun
to her
head] I
officially don’t want to see you anymore.
Barry: Wait a
second. Ida, you’re talking crazy. I love you.
Ida: I gotta
go.
[she hangs up...Barry is
stunned]
Ordover: What
is it Barry?
Barry: She
dumped me. She’s working for Litvak.
Ordover: Women.
They’ll do this to you every time.
Barry: No, no,
not Ida.
Ordover: They
see a greener pasture, they’re gone. It’s tough to know
who your friends are sometimes.
Barry: Litvak,
that son of a bitch. I’ll show him. Mr. Ordover, you-you
didn’t get anybody else to do the job, did you?
Ordover: Barry,
look, forget about it. I know you’re not feeling sure on
this one.
Barry: I’ll do
it. [pulls gun from
desk] When
do you want me to do
it?
[Ida’s apartment; knock knock knock, but no answer; Fraser sees Bunny on the floor; Vecchio raises his shades, pulls his gun, and they kick the door open; they enter... Ida is gagged & tied to a chair]
Ida : Mmm! Mmm!
[thugs burst out of the closet, holding guns on
them]
Fraser: They
came out of the closet, Ray.
Ida:
[rolling her
eyes]
Mm-mm-mmph.
[Ida, Vecchio, and Fraser are all gagged & tied to
chairs]
Fraser:
Mm-hmm-hmmm-mm-mmm-mmm-mmph-mm-mmm-hmm-hmmm-mm-mmm-mmm-mmph-mm-mmm.
[notices Vecchio’s shades on the floor]
Fraser : Mm-hmm-hmmm.
Ray : Hmmm?
Fraser : Mm-hmm-hmmm.
Ray : Hmmm.
[hops in his chair over to them]
Fraser
: Mmm-one.
Ray:
Mm-ooo.
Fraser:
Mm-eee!
[tips his chair over onto the glasses]
Ray : Hmmm-mmm-hmm?
Fraser : Mm-hmm-hmmm, Mray.
[they mumble back & forth to each other, as Fraser pops a lens from the frame & uses it to cut his bindings]
[Kit Kat
Club]
Man: Can I get
in?
Bouncer
: Private party, folks.
[alley; man gets out
of his car & pulls invitation out of his
coat]
Barry : Hey brother, your lights are on.
[the guy looks...Barry hits him, then takes his
invitation]
[Ida’s
apartment]
Fraser:
Mm-hmm-hmmm-mm-mmm-mmm-mmph-mm-mmm-hmm-hmmm.
[cuts through the
ropes, sits up, and removes his
gag] So.
Although Uncle Purvis did instruct me in the essence of
escape maneuvers, I was never quite able to manage the art
of dislocating my joints. Although they say that skill is
actually hereditary, so. I’m sorry about your sunglasses,
Ray. [removes
Vecchio’s gag]
Ray: At least
they were good for something.
[Fraser removes Ida’s gag, then begins untying them
both]
Ida: Those guys
made me say terrible things to Barry.
Ray: Like
what?
Ida: Like that
I had to leave him for Shelly Litvak.
Fraser: That’s
an interesting plan. I suggest we move
quickly.
[Kit Kat Club, inside; Barry watches Litvak, and he takes out his gun]
[Kit Kat Club, outside]
Nelson
: Invitations, please.
Ray: This is my
invitation, pal.
[shows his
badge]
Nelson: Unless
you have a warrant to go with that, I’m afraid you’re out
of luck.
Ray: I’m afraid
your boss is in serious danger.
Nelson: I find
that hard to believe.
Ray: What are
we gonna do now?
Fraser: Well,
I’m sure it’s not an insoluble problem, Ray.
Ray: What are
you gonna do, ask somebody for their invitation?
Fraser: That’s
a good idea. [to
first guy to come
along]
Excuse me. I have reason to believe that the life of
someone in that club is in danger. I wonder if I could use
your invitation to gain entrance.
[guy hands it to
him] Thank
you kindly.
[Fraser goes right in; Ida sees something and goes the
other way; as Vecchio tries to follow Fraser in, the
bouncer stands in his
path]
Ray:
[to
guest] Hi,
excuse me, there’s somebody in there who’s in danger. You
think I could--
[guest walks right
by]
Pardon me, there’s a man who’s--
[next man keeps on
going]
[inside]
Dancer: Ladies
and gentlemen, how about a great big Happy Birthday to the
kindest, the handsomest, the most honest man you’d ever
want to meet. The king of the Kit Kat Corral, Mr. Shelly
‘Ride ‘em Cowboy’ Litvak!
[cheers &
applause]
Litvak: Thank
you, thank you folks, thank you, and thank you honey. You
said it just the way I wrote it.
[Music: ‘Happy
Birthday.’ All
sing as Barry makes it backstage, and Fraser searches for
Barry; a large cake is wheeled to the stage, and out pops
out a girl in a ‘Mountie’ uniform, as stripper-type music
plays]
Litvak: Now
that’s how a Mountie should look.
[another cake,
another ‘Mountie’; another cake, another ‘Mountie’; Barry
aims, but Nelson blocks his shot; Fraser spots Barry
aiming, then rushes to the stage to stand in front of
Litvak]
Litvak: You!
What the hell are you doing here?
Fraser : Don’t do this, Barry.
Voices
: He’s got a gun!
Barry: He
ruined my life, Red. He took my Ida.
Fraser: It was
Ordover who had Ida kidnapped.
Litvak:
[pokes head
out]
Yeah.
Fraser: He
forced her to make that call.
Litvak: He’s
right.
Fraser: He knew
you’d be so angry that you’d try to kill Litvak for
stealing your girl.
Litvak: Right
again.
Barry: Then
where’s Ida?
[Ida pops out of a cake]
Barry
: Ida!
Ida: It’s true,
Barry. Everything he said is true.
Barry: Ida, you
still love me?
Ida: Yes! With
very few conditions, one of them is that you put down the
gun, Barry.
Ray:
[getting Barry’s
gun] The
other? You give us everything you have on Mark
Ordover.
Barry:
Ida!
Ida:
Barry!
[they hug]
Crowd
: Awwwwwww.
Ida: My
Barry.
[they kiss]
Crowd
: Awwwwwww!... Yeah!...
Kissy face...
Litvak: All
right, folks. So much for the showdown. Let’s start the
hoe-down.
[crowd
cheers]
[Music:
‘
Bonanza (Theme)’ performed by
Jio Midi Orchestra.
‘Mounties’
line up on stage; first one flashes the crowd, then the
second one, then the third one, then to Fraser... he looks
like a deer in headlights, then falls off the
stage]
[outside Opera House Grill; Ordover is being taken away in
handcuffs]
Ray
: You know, Benny, those glasses were driving me crazy. I
think I’m done with this superstition thing. No more lucky
pennies, no more magic pencils, no more chanting.
Fraser: You
chant, Ray?
Ray: Well, not
anymore. From now on it’s hard evidence and empirical
logic.
Fraser: It’s a
wise decision.
Woman: Excuse
me, um. I was just at Ida’s place. She found these on the
floor and asked me to give them back to you.
[hands him the
shades]
Ray: Thank
you.
Woman: If you
ask me though, you got such nice eyes it’s a shame to
cover them up.
Ray:
Really.
Woman: Yeah.
Would you like to go out for a coffee or something?
Ray: I’d like
that very much.
Woman: Yeah?
Great.
Great.
[they walk
away]
Ray: Oh, watch
out for that crack. It’s bad luck.
[tosses the shades
in a garbage
can]
[Fraser looks at his feet, moves foot off of the crack,
and whistles tunelessly as he looks
around]
End