Red, White, or Blue

[Flashbacks to summarize All the Queen’s Horses]

[Cook County Department of Corrections]
[Randall Bolt’s prison cell; he dreams of the chase]

Randall Bolt: On, you huskies! No, no... oh, oh, no... ah, ah, AH! NO!

[he jumps up, now awake]
Prison guard: You got a visitor.
Randall Bolt: Well, then, there, now. I’m handling my own defense. [begins to brush his teeth]
  So. If it’s that no-account lawyer, you can feed him to the pigs while his bones are still soft.
Prison guard: It’s your brother.
Randall Bolt: Different story, Morning Glory.

[kisses at the guard, and breathes on him – minty fresh]

[visiting room; Randall enters, flashes “Peace” through glass, and picks up the phone]
Francis Bolt: You need a haircut, Randall.
Randall Bolt: Well, at least I still got most of mine, bro.
Francis: Don’t start.
Randall: Look, my hairdo is the least of my problems.
Francis: Don’t let hygiene take a backseat.
Randall: I’m incarcerated here, Francis.
Francis: It’s important, Randall.
Randall: I could be facing lethal injections, isn’t that right?
Francis: Oh, I don’t think so.
Randall: You don’t think so, huh. I’ve got a hanging judge out there. You
don’t think he’s filling up that big needle right now, getting ready to send me
off to my final reward?!
Francis: No. No, I don’t.
Randall: Why is that, Francis?
Francis: Because the family would never permit it.
Randall: The family?
Francis: As you know, the family is dedicated to your cause. Even now, we’re preparing a care package for the day of your trial. Planning for the possibility there might be some waiting involved.

[a military truck enters into an underground garage]
Randall: What about the cousins? Are they still behind me?
Francis: As they always have been. You recall the games we used to play in Uncle Jimmy’s mortuary?
Randall: Those weren’t games, Francis. You pickled my dogs.
Francis: Let the dogs go, Randall.
Randall: They weren’t dead. [cries]
Francis: Let them go, I say. Think instead of Dracula.
Randall: Dracula?
Francis: Exactly.
Randall: You mean-you mean the time-the time the cousins hid themselves in the coffin?

[men in fatigues walk by crates labeled ‘explosives, handle with care’]
Francis: And Vernon suffered his first asthma attack.
Randall: How is his asthma by the way?
Francis: Well, he still suffers, but he’s discovered the attacks are bearable if he has a knife in his hand.

[they laugh]

[a knife cuts the bindings of explosives crate, and a man emerges; he pulls out, then uses, an inhaler]
Randall: What about Gabe? Are he and Vern still close?
Francis: Like peas in a pod.

[another man joins the first, and they grin at each other]

Francis : Course Gabe still has his problems. It seems that on occasion he finds himself incapable of resisting the urge to get loaded, and lately he’s developed the taste for things that are somewhat more *explosive.*

[second man begins to load crates onto a military truck]
Randall: Well, uh... This news about the family is, uh, very encouraging, Francis. Very encouraging. Encouragement is what I need right now. I mean, cause I have been having a devil of a time in here. Right, fellas? He he he.
Francis: It’s interesting that you should mention the devil. Our father was at the pulpit last Sunday. God decided to show him a vision. He showed him the face of Satan.
Randall: And what does Satan look like?
Francis: Well, the curious thing is, from a theological standpoint, Satan has two faces. [holds up photos of Fraser and Vecchio]
Randall: Well. We all have to reconcile our past, don’t we?
Francis: Prison has made you something of a philosopher, Randall.
Randall: A man cannot be free, Francis, until he erases his mistakes.
[spits at each photo]

[Canadian consulate; conference room]
Vivian Richards: Constable Fraser. You’re on a train loaded with explosives, full of Royal Canadian Mounted Policemen, and you’re headed toward a nuclear disaster. And you avert that disaster. Now how does that make you feel?
Fraser: Feel?
Vivian: Feel.
Fraser: Fine.
Vivian: Cut. Constable. I’d like you to imagine a spotlight. A big spotlight. Seventy-two thousand watts of a spotlight. And it is focused on *you.* You are the center of a media frenzy which we are trying to capitalize on. [opens door]
  Take a look at these people.

[press focuses on the Mountie]

Reporter : Constable Fraser--

Vivian : [closes door]  You’re already on their television sets, and on the covers of their magazines, but they want more. They want your inner soul. So let’s think Roseanne. Show ‘em your scars.
Fraser: With respect, ma’am <ahem> I thought it was our unstated protocol to avoid the appearance of currying favor with the media.
Vivian: We sold out to Disney, Fraser. That is about as curried as it gets. Now, you’re going to have to trust me on this. I am an RCMP Media Relations Expert, and I’d like us to focus on the details. Now I want you to tell us how you got from the horse car to the engine room.
Fraser: Ah, well. Um. <ahem>

[flashback]  

Fraser : I followed Inspector Thatcher up the ladder, we then ran along the top of the train. Inspector Thatcher stopped, turned, we engaged in a conversation that lead to us discovering ourselves--

[conference room]
Thatcher: Uh, Constable! That was terrific, Constable, marked improvement, but could I have a quick word with you?

Fraser : Excuse me.
Thatcher: Fraser, our, um... What would be the word for it?
Fraser: Contact?
Thatcher: Contact. Yes. That’s a good word. Our contact, in my opinion, is not something that is needing to be publicly aired.
Fraser: Since it had no bearing on the outcome of the event, I agree. Furthermore, sir, I followed your instructions and I’ve tried to, uh, erase the...contact...from my memory.
Thatcher: You have.
Fraser: Yes.
Thatcher: And have you succeeded?

[flashback of the kiss]
Fraser: No.

[door opens and Cooper enters]
Fraser & Thatcher: Ah.
Thatcher: We were just--
Cooper: Sorry to interrupt. But, I have a coffee. I also have the Java.
  And-- holy moly, I’ve forgotten the sweetener. If you could give me a couple ticks, I’ll be right back. [exits]
Reporter: Constable, if I could ask you just one question.
Cooper: I’m sorry. I forgot the sweetener. I have no comment. No comment at all.

[Cooper rushes past the reporters as Vecchio enters]
Vecchio: Excuse me, please. Excuse me.
Reporter: Who are you with?
Vecchio: Who am I with? I’m with me, Ray Vecchio, the guy who saved Illinois. Who are you with?
Reporter: Are you the detective who was on the train?
Vecchio: I just wasn’t on the train, baby, I stopped the train.
Reporter: Can I, please, just a few words?
Vecchio: Sure.
Reporter: Thank you. We rolling?
Cameraman: Rolling.
Reporter: I’m standing now with someone who was actually on the train. Detective Vecchio, answer me just one question.
Vecchio: Go ahead.
Reporter: What’s the Mountie like?

[Vecchio just...leaves]
Reporter: Detective Vecchio?!

[Riv]
Fraser: You’re not talking?
Vecchio: No.
Fraser: You’re really not talking?
Vecchio: That’s right, Fraser. I’m really not talking.
Fraser: Just so I can be really clear in my own mind, Ray, other than telling me that you’re not talking, you are in fact, not talking.
Vecchio: That’s about the size of it.
Fraser: I see. Is there something I should know?
Vecchio: You should.
Fraser: Well, this thing that I should know, do you think you could perhaps provide me with a hint as to what it might be?

[Vecchio holds up a magazine featuring Fraser on the cover]
Fraser: Oh. I see. Well, um. I suppose I should probably just uh...
Vecchio: Get out of my car.
Fraser: Understood.

[Fraser gets out; Vecchio lowers window & flings the magazine out]
Fraser: Ah. Thanks, Ray.

[Vecchio drives off; Francis Bolt watches from van across street]

[Fraser’s apartment]
[Dief barks and groans]
Fraser: What do you want?
[opens the fridge]

 

[Vecchio house]

Vecchio : [looking in fridge]  Nothing. Every time I open this box, I’m full of hope and all I get is a choice between dill pickles and asiago cheese.

Together : It’s like having your knees cut out from under you.

[Fraser’s apartment]

Fraser : He’s feeling slighted, not without justification. I mean, after all, if you go to extreme lengths and your efforts are--

[Vecchio house]

Vecchio : --ignored it only makes a guy feel like... ahhh.  [sits on the couch]  What do I feel like? Am I angry? Am I depressed? Am I just jealous?

Together : I’m talking to myself.

 

[Vecchio house]

Vecchio : This is ridiculous.

[Fraser’s apartment]

Fraser : It’s ridiculous.

Together : Nevertheless, we really have to try and  talk this out.

[Fraser talks to an empty chair set in the middle of the room; Vecchio talks to the
vacant spot beside him on the couch]


Vecchio : We put that guy behind bars. He’s ready to go to trial. Now I walk into that room today, and this little bouncy reporter comes up to me and I’m thinking, All right, Ray, here’s your chance. Here’s a little reward for putting yourself in harm’s way one more time. And what’s the first question she asks me? “So what’s the Mountie like?” [laughs hollowly]  So what’s the Mountie like. He’s Superman, all right? What do you expect me to say, he’s a moron? He dresses up in that damn red suit every single day of his life like a sign post!

Fraser : Come on, Ray, that’s not fair. I don’t wear it all the time. The truth is there are times I wish I didn’t have to wear it. I mean, the thing itches. It itches 365 days of the year. Unless, of course, it’s a leap year in which case it itches for 366 days. But the point is, I don’t wear it intentionally. It’s part of my obligations.

 

Vecchio : We are not talking about clothes here, Fraser, okay? We are talking about you, the most irritating man in the world!

Fraser : Ray, I know I irritate you, but you have to believe me, I’m not trying to irritate you. It’s not part of some sort of master plan! You know, the fact of the matter is, I often try to imagine how you would handle a given situation. Just the other day, for instance. I saw this woman who was in a wheelchair and she was having difficulty with a set of doors. And so I was just about to help her, when all of a sudden I have your voice in my head. [imitates Vecchio]  “Hey, Fraser, what the hell’s wrong with you? You gotta help every cripple in the greater Chicago area? I mean, what the hell you think they have those handicap buttons for?”

 

Vecchio : So they can feel good about themselves. So they can do something on their own without some do-gooder’s help. But, no, what do you do?  You help her through anyway. You wheel her out and you help her into a cab.

 

Fraser : Which promptly ran over my foot. But the point of the anecdote is this: that while I was helping her, I knew that you would be irritated with me. And I’m sorry, but I seem-I seem to be powerless to prevent that. I don’t know. I don’t know if it’s some sort of flaw in my upbringing, or some genetic abnormality, or perhaps it’s just some aberrant property
in the Tuktoyaktuk water system.

 

Vecchio : Don’t put this on the water, Fraser. This is a conscious thing that you do, okay? You cover everything up. You squash it down. It’s like that time with Frobisher, when that guy, Counter, he stabbed you in the shoulder--

Fraser : Geiger.

Vecchio : What?

Fraser : The man’s name was Geiger.

Vecchio : His name is Geiger Counter?

Fraser : No, just Geiger, no Counter. And he stabbed me in the leg.

Vecchio : Leg, shoulder, what difference does it make?

Fraser : Well, Ray, when you’re the one being stabbed, the difference is remarkable.

Vecchio : The point is, Fraser, he stabbed you. And were you angry?

Fraser : I was in pain.

Vecchio : We are talking about anger here, Fraser, a human emotion. Are you human? Because if you are, human beings feel things, okay? They feel anger, they feel love, they feel lust and fear. And sometimes, and I know you don’t want to hear this, sometimes they even cry.

[Fraser hears knock at door; Vecchio goes to answer doorbell]

[Fraser’s apartment]

Fraser : Ray!

[Vecchio house]

Vecchio : Fraser?

[Fraser hits Vecchio; Vecchio hits Fraser... they pull off masks – it’s Vernon and Gabe]

[Francis Bolt’s hideout; Fraser is unconscious, tied to a chair; Dief is unconscious on the floor; Francis completes a crossword puzzle (in ink), then dumps a bucket of water over Fraser’s head]
Fraser: Arghhh!
Francis: That’s a fine animal you have. Fifty percent wolf, if I’m not mistaken.
Fraser: What have you done to him?
Francis: He’s all right. He’ll wake up soon. Please, answer the question. [silence]
  Perhaps you’re missing a full appreciation of your situation. You’re tied up. [cocks gun]  This is a gun. Ergo, you are my prisoner. So if I ask a question I expect an answer without hesitation. Now, where did you get the animal?
Fraser: It’s rather a long story.
Francis: I have time.
Fraser: I’ve forgotten most of it.
Francis: Well, that’s unfortunate. It’s an interesting story and bears repeating. Mid-May, 212 miles northwest of White Horse in the Yukon Territories. Is-- wait, is that territories or territory?

Fraser : Territory.
Francis: Thank you. I crave accuracy. So, you’d been dispatched to track down big game poachers that were coming across the border from Alaska. Despite your training, you could not have foreseen that the poachers would convert a mine shaft into a bear trap. [Fraser falls down shaft]
  You have no idea how long you lay there. When you came to, you discovered you were not alone. [puppy Dief licks Fraser awake]  Your first thought was to save the animal. That’s admirable. [Fraser tosses puppy Dief up]   But not without certain drawbacks. [rock falls on Fraser’s head, knocking him out]  When you came to, you were alone without any visible means of escape. So you sat down to collect your thoughts. But how could you have thought that the animal would be so grateful as to come back and try and repay the favor? [puppy Dief looks down from above, whines; a board falls onto Fraser’s head]  You were knocked out for a third time, but despite the gaffe, a bond was formed and you’ve been together ever since. [puppy Dief leaps down onto Fraser and waits]  You’re wondering, of course, how I know the details of this story. Suffice to say, I know many things, and it’s no accident that you were on board that train. Can you guess who I am now?
Fraser: Yes, I think I can. Your name would be Francis Bolt. You were born in Oregon in 1949--
Francis: 1950.
Fraser: 1950. You are a theoretical mathematician by training, and a recluse by choice. You have a younger brother named Randall--
Francis: Who you arrested. That was a mistake.
Fraser: He broke the law. I would arrest him again in a heartbeat.
Francis: You would? Well, let’s see what your friend has to say about that. Shall we? [kicks rolled-up rug and Vecchio emerges]

Francis : Detective Vecchio. I’d like it if you could talk your friend over there into apologizing. [removes Vecchio’s gag]
Ray: Well, you’re out of luck, pal, cause I’m not talking to him.
Francis: My brother’s problem is the same problem that plagues all geniuses.

[Randall Bolt’s cell; Randall ponders cops’ photos, and ‘crushes their heads’]
Ray: Can’t get a date?
Francis: You are a wiseacre, Detective. Whereas I am a mathematician. I look for symmetry, for order within chaos. Let us take the charter train coded 56023 for example. You are here to account for your part in thwarting my plan.
[flashback to train]
Vecchio: Hit the brakes!

[hideout]
Francis: A plan rigorous in its detail. And as a wise man once said, God is in the details. So. It is to God that you both now will answer. Oh, by the way, have either of you ever worn a Mexican poncho?

[courtroom]
Bailiff: In the matter of the State of Illinois versus Randall K. Bolt, the accused is herein charged with two counts of murder in the first degree; one count of attempted murder; one count of possession of a controlled or illegal substance...

[hallway outside courtroom; Thatcher waits]
Security Guard: Thank you. Would you raise your arm, please?
Assistant State’s Attorney: Where is he?
Thatcher: I don’t know.
Assistant States Attorney: We are getting down to the wire here, Inspector.

[security guard turns around – it’s Gabe]

[courtroom]
Bailiff: ...one count of possession and transportation of explosives with intent to commit a felony; one count of grand theft...

[hallway; Vern passes through security with a large bag; Thatcher uses payphone]
Thatcher: No, Mr. Mustafi, it’s not dangerous. I just want you to knock on Constable Fraser’s door.

[courtroom]
Bailiff: ...one count of hijacking; 32 counts of assault; and one count of advocacy of the overthrow of the government of the United States of America by force or violence.
Judge Brock: Do you understand these charges?
Randall: Could you, uh, could you, like, repeat those just so they’re real clear in my head?

[hallway]
Assistant State’s Attorney: We’re in the middle of openings, for God’s sake.
Thatcher: [into phone]
  All right, Lieutenant, I appreciate it. [hangs up]

[they go into the courtroom, and Francis Bolt passes by unnoticed]

[courtroom]
Judge: Let it be duly noted that the defense waves its right to an opening statement. The State will call its first witness, please.

[Randall draws on his legal pad: “Bolt” and “Boom!”
Sheldrake: Thank you, Your Honor. The State calls Constable Benton Fraser.

[ASA enters courtroom]
Assistant States Attorney: Your Honor. [whispers to Sheldrake]
  The-the thing, the-the phone, we-we-we’ve tried, ultimately we-we-we couldn’t get a hold of--
Judge: Is there a problem, Miss Sheldrake?
Sheldrake: It would appear, Your Honor, that Constable Fraser has been delayed. Perhaps I could, maybe--
Judge: Perhaps you could what? We barely got our toes in the pond and you’ve lost your first witness? This does not inspire confidence on the bench, counselor.
Sheldrake: I understand that, Your Honor. However, I had anticipated that this witness’s testimony would cover the bulk of today’s--
Judge: You should invest in a calendar, counselor. You’d be surprised how much time you’ve had to prepare for this case.
Sheldrake: I’m aware of the time I’ve had to prepare--
Judge: If your witness does not appear--
[loud noise as the courtroom door opens; Vecchio and Fraser shuffle in, wearing a poncho modified for two heads]
Sheldrake: My witness is here, Your Honor.
Judge: So glad you could join us, Constable Fraser. This trial was about to go south. Would you mind taking the stand?
Fraser: Not at all, Your Honor, but I’m not sure it would benefit the court. [tilts head to the side]
Judge: Are you pleading the fifth, son? Is that what you’re doing?
Fraser: No, Your Honor, but I don’t think that my taking the stand would benefit this trial. [head tilt]
Ray: I think what he’s trying to say, Your Honor, is that now might be a good time for a short recess.
Judge: Who the hell are you?
Ray: Detective Ray Vecchio, Chicago PD. [jerks head to the side]
Judge: Are you two joined at the hip?
Ray: In a manner of speaking, yes.
Fraser: I think what the detective is suggesting, Your Honor, is that perhaps now is a... well, perhaps Your Honor would feel the urge to say, I don’t know, uh, *step out*

[both tilt heads to the side]
Judge: Are you telling me I have to go to the bathroom?!
Fraser: Well, that’s an idea. Perhaps, uh, the members of the jury would feel the need to r-relieve themselves.

[juror raises hand] 

Ray : As a matter of fact, one does now.

[both tilt heads to the side]
Judge: Do you two suffer from Tourette’s?
Ray & Fraser: Uh, not that we’re aware of.
Judge: Then what’s with the ticks?! Now unless you want to get hit with a contempt charge, you’d better have a good reason why you’re not sitting in that box right now.
Francis: Excuse me, but uh, he does have a reason, Your Honor. [he’s dressed in security guard uniform]
Judge: Who the hell are you?
Francis: A friend of justice.
Judge: What the hell is going on here?!
Francis: May I remove this poncho?

[he does, revealing the bombs Fraser and Vecchio carry; the gallery begins to panic; Gabe bursts in the other door along with others dressed as security, and Francis gives Randall a pistol]
Randall: Different story, Morning Glory.
Francis: This courtroom is ours!
Randall: Bang, bang, Your Honor.

[Field Command of the FBI (office building across the street)]
Ford: Anything?
Agent 1: No, nothing.
Ford: What’s the count?
Agent Shorren: We have twenty in the building.
Ford: Communications?
Agent 3: Still nothing. The hard lines have been severed.
Ford: Where are the response teams?
Deeter: They’ll be here in five.
Ford: All right, till they get here, we’re gonna-- [phone rings]
Ford: Ford.
Randall: [voice]
  Good morning, glory. I need you to bring something to me.

[courtroom]
Randall: Yes, and that something would be a helicopter. Do you-do you happen to have a Bell Star? [to juror]
  That would be nice, wouldn’t it? A Bell Star? *thip-thip-thip-thip* [laughs]   I mean, after all, I’ve been kind enough to clear out most of this building for you so the least you can do for me, I think, is get that chopper on the roof within 45 minutes! And if you’re wondering about my destination, it’s none of your beeswax, Nosy Parkers.

[field command]
Deeter: What’s a Nosy Parker?

[courtroom]
Randall Bolt: Oh, by the way, I am sending you a liaison in the person of Inspector Thatcher, of the RCMP.

[field command]
Agent Shorren: We have another one!

[Thatcher crosses the street]
Ford : Get the woman up here. What’s the count?
Agent 1: Nineteen inside, that includes Judge Brock, the twelve jurors, Detective Vecchio, and the Mountie.

[courtroom]
Randall: Before we proceed, are there any final instructions from the bench? [laughs]
  What do you know? The bench isn’t talking [laughs, and turns the bound judge’s head for him]
Francis: Randall! Fifteen minutes, Randall.
Randall: I’ll be there.
Francis: Randall, we leave in fifteen minutes. End of sentence.
Randall: Francis! I am standing here in front of a jury of my peers, for God’s sake. When you use that tone of voice, I hear Mom, and when I hear Mom, I feel humiliated.
Francis: This is not a point for debate, Randall. I will not have you ruin this plan the way you ruined my plan for the train! Now you can have all the spotlight your ego demands...
Fraser: [aside to Vecchio]
  I realize you’re not talking to me, but I thought I’d take the liberty of posing a question anyway. Why would you order a helicopter to arrive in 45 minutes if you intend to depart in 15?
Francis: ...with or without you. End of discussion. [exits; Randall sniffs and hmms, then with remote, trains closed-circuit camera on himself]
Randall: Wake up, America. The enemy is among us! Two men stand before you, accused of treason. Their co-conspirator is no less than the American so-called government... [the TV signal travels via satellite for all to see] ...which daily denies our rights enshrined in the Constitution. Fathers of Confederation sound the alarm! The same alarm sounded on April 18th 1775, by a simple silversmith named Paul Revere.

[television screen]
Tracy Wightman: [reporting]
  This live feed is coming to you from the state courthouse in the heart of Chicago, where the standoff...
Ford: [voice]
  Change it.
Lester Holt: [ch2 anchorman reporting] ...continues where he left off, Randall Bolt on trial for acts of terrorism and murder...
Ford: [voice]
  Change it.
Heather Park: [reporting for ch8]
  Again we have no idea at this time what his demands are...
Ford: [voice]
  Change it back.
Randall: [voice]
  Saddle up, with one thought in mind...
Ford: Where the hell is that signal coming from?
Deeter: I don’t know. Must be Court TV.
Ford: Well, cut the signal. We’ll go to full blackout on this one. What kind of weaponry have they got?
Thatcher: Semi-automatics, assault rifles, handguns.
Deeter: How’d they get it through?
Thatcher: They put one of their own on security.
Agent 3: Circuit box is in the building.
Ford: Well, cut the cable, blow the dish, I don’t care what you do, stop the signal! [snaps finger at Thatcher]
  C’mere. Okay, darling, the bomb. Is it real?
Thatcher: Did you just call me darling?
Ford: I have no idea. Is the bomb real?
Thatcher: Can we afford to assume otherwise?
Ford: Smart girl. Okay! Bring in the team.

Deeter : [pokes his head out the door]  Let’s go, men.

[SWAT team enters, carrying weapons]

[courtroom]
Randall: ...until he finally reached Concord, where he sounded his alarm. The British are coming.
Fraser: Objection. If I may. Your tract contains certain inaccuracies. Revere was unquestioningly a patriot, but he did not make that ride alone, nor did he reach Concord.
Randall: Oh, he didn’t, did he, smarty pants.
Fraser: No, he didn’t. Revere, a doctor named Prescott, and a man named Dawes set out together from Lexington. On route, Dawes and Revere were detained by the British.
Randall: So who did get to Concord?
Fraser: Dr. Prescott. Who’s been largely ignored by history, in part because of the distortions in Longfellow’s poems. Distortions, I might add, that you are perpetuating in this courtroom.
Randall: Objection!
Ray: Fraser, if you want to get us killed, why don’t you just use the bombs.

Fraser : I’m glad to see you’re talking to me again, Ray.
Randall: Does the bench sustain? [nods the judge’s head]
  Yes, it does.
Fraser: And furthermore, your assertion that he was a ‘simple’ silversmith--
Francis: Randall, fifteen minutes.
Randall: Ha! [waves a gun at jury]
  The jury will now retire to deliberate the verdict! On, you huskies! [jurors file out quickly]  And the judge will be put out into the street with the rest of the trash. [pushes judge & chair away]
Francis: The heart monitors I’ve attached to your chests are now active. [pushes button on a remote]
  If your combined heart rate exceeds 200, it’s bye-bye, boys. [exits]

[combined heart rate: 162]
Fraser: Oh, dear.

[field command]
Ford : We have 19 inside. Twelve of them non-combatants. Now they are requesting helicopter dust off. Let’s take a look at the big board.
Thatcher: [to agent]
  Can you get me a list of all the trials that were on the slate today?

[Justice Building; Vernon wheezes as he safe-cracks; Francis Bolt paces & hums nearby]

[courtroom; now empty, except for Vecchio & Fraser]
Fraser: Calm? [Vecchio shrugs]
  Good. All right. Now, three wires. Red. White. Blue. Now if I remember correctly, it was the Continental Congress of 1872 that spelled out the meaning of the colors and the seal. Red was meant to stand for hardiness and courage. White was meant to stand for purity and innocence. And blue was meant to stand for vigilance and justice, all of which no terrorist would object to. So, where does that leave us?
Ray: [through gritted teeth]
  In the middle of a courtroom, strapped to a bomb, waiting to blow up. Where do you think it leaves us? [heart rate: 91]
Fraser: Ray-Ray, don’t get excited.
Ray: Look, we are going to die. You want me to pretend that I’m happy about it?!
Fraser: Ray, if you’re bitten by a rattlesnake, the safest course of action is to lower your metabolic rate.
Ray: This is not a rattlesnake. This is plastic explosives.
Fraser: But the same principle should apply.
Ray: You should listen to yourself sometime. You sound like a robot.
Fraser: Ray, just calm down.
Ray: Don’t tell me to calm down, okay? I’m looking at judgment day, here, all right? Don’t tell me to calm down! [hr climbs]
Fraser: Ray, if we just work together--
Ray: Can you honestly say that you are calm right now?
Fraser: No-no. I’m-I’m, uh--
Ray: What?
Fraser: Well, I’m concerned.
Ray: Concerned? That’s it? You don’t feel anger? You’re not angry?
Fraser: No. Not exactly, no.
Ray: Will you just admit that you’re a human being? [hr climbs higher]
    Just once in your life, can you admit that you’re a human being?

[combined hr climbs to 199]
Fraser: Please-please-please--
  [drops head]  *Mmmmm-mmmmm*
Ray: What are you doing?
Fraser: I’m dropping my heart rate. *Mmmmmmm* [hr falling past 57]
Ray: In the middle of an argument?!
Fraser: Don’t let me stop you. *Mmmmmmmm*
Ray: I’m gonna kill you!
Fraser: That’s very possible. *Mmmmmm*

[combined hr hovers at 164]

Fraser : I’ve never hated you, Ray. I’ve envied you, maybe.
Ray: Envied me?
Fraser: [nods]
  I’m not proud of it but you have a kind of freedom I wish I had. A sort of existential honesty.
Ray: Oh, you saying I’m honest?
Fraser: In your heart, yes.

[field command]
Agent: Courtroom one, ongoing manslaughter. Two, fraud, first day. Three, a series of misdemeanors--
Thatcher: Hold it. What’s the fraud?
Ford: [to command team]
  Rooftop ETA is 13:05. Blue Team will be in readiness
in staging area A. White Team will be in like readiness at staging area C. On my go, we move. Any questions?
Thatcher: Yes. Excuse me. Can I see you? [aside]
  I know this man. He won’t leave
anything to chance. He’ll have anticipated this. If you send--
Ford: Yeah, I appreciate your thoughts, darling, I really do, but let’s get something straight. This isn’t a train. You’re on my turf now.
Thatcher: He called me darling again.

[Justice Building; Vernon continues to safe-crack, wheezing; Francis Bolt continues to pace & hum]
Francis: The clock is ticking, Vern. Time is money.

[courtroom]
Ray: Fraser, wake up.
Fraser: Are you calm?
Ray: Yes, I’m calm.
Fraser: Are you sure you’re calm?
Ray: I said
  I’m calm.

Fraser : All right.

Ray : Now don’t get me aggravated!

Fraser : All right, all right.

Ray : What was blue again?
Fraser: Blue stood for vigilance and justice.
Ray: Justice.
Fraser: Mm-hmm.
Ray: We’re in the Justice Building.
Fraser: That’s it!
Ray: Benny, calm down.
Fraser. No, no! You got it!
Ray: I said calm down!

[heart rate skyrockets]
Fraser: No, Ray, you got it!
Ray: Calm down!!
Together: *Mmmmm-mmmmm*
Ray: Are you calm?
Fraser: Yes. So, it’s blue.
Ray: Yeah, blue, maybe.
Fraser: Okay, well, let’s go with blue.
Ray: No, you go with blue.
Fraser: Why don’t you go with blue?
Ray: Because you’re better at this.
Fraser: Well, maybe we should both go with blue.
Ray: Okay.
Fraser: Okay.
Ray: All right. One. Two. Three.
[simultaneously they pull out blue cord from bombs... they did it!]

[field command]
Ford: All right, let’s make ready.

[teams move out]

[hallway of Justice Building; a juror stands blindfolded, holding a set of scales, wired with a bomb]
Fraser: Ma’am, just try to remain calm.
Ray: Fraser!

[they see the elevator panel is wired]

Fraser : The roof. [to juror]  We’ll be right back. Don’t move!

[they go up the stairs, and Fraser carries their bomb in a bag; on the next floor, another juror is wired, and another, and another...]
Ray: Twelve floors in the building, twelve members on the jury.
Fraser: They stationed one on every floor, and are linked to the same detonator frequency.
Ray: So when they blow, the whole building goes. What’s our time?

[field command]
Ford: Where the hell is it?
Agent 3: Chopper’s in the air.
Ford: All right, gentlemen. Showtime. [phone rings]
Randall: Inspector Thatcher. Before your colleagues see fit to send in the response team, which they have no doubt been readying, why don’t you take a gander at the front door.

[they run to the window]
Randall: I have it on good authority that our judge is an avid fan of the death penalty, so I think he should lead by example. Don’t you?

[Randall spins the judge (bound to his chair & wired) in the revolving door, then stops the door, and the judge goes sailing into the street] 

Randall : Oh, it was a sad day when Illinois opted for that lethal injection. You know, I mean, call me old-fashioned, but uh, I think, there’s something, I don’t know, elegant about the electric chair. [laughs]   Look closely and you will see that our man is wired for sound.
Deeter: He’s for real.
Randall: You have 14 minutes to get me that chopper.
Ford: Response teams stand down.
Randall: If you fail, first I’ll do the judge, then I’ll do the jury.

[rooftop]
Ray: Where the hell are they? They should be here.
Fraser: Unless the helicopter was a diversion.

 

[field command]
Agent Shorren: We have movement on the roof.
Thatcher: Fraser. [runs to stand in the window]

 

[rooftop]
Fraser: Hold this, will ya? [tosses Vecchio the bag]
Ray: Why are we carrying around our own bomb with us?
Fraser: It might come in handy.

[Fraser climbs onto the ledge and starts waving his arms purposely]

 

[field command]
Ford: What the hell is he doing?
Thatcher: Semaphore.

 

[rooftop]
Ray: Hey, Fraser, if you’re gonna jump, jump. Just don’t stand there waving your arms around.
Fraser: No, I’m not going to jump, Ray, it’s semaphore. In the absence of a phone, it’s the best we can do.
Fraser: [in semaphore, captioned]
  “What is the status of the response team?”
Thatcher: [in semaphore, captioned]
  “Standing down.”
Fraser: “Do not activate. The jury is gang linked to explosives.”
Thatcher: “Where are the terrorists?”
Fraser: “I have no idea. Do you?”
Thatcher: “I’m not the one who’s in the building. Moron.”
Ray: What did she say?
Fraser: She called me a moron.
Ray: She’s a very perceptive woman.
Fraser: [in semaphore, captioned]
  “Could you have someone retrieve Diefenbaker?”
Thatcher: [in semaphore, captioned]
  “Ask Vecchio about the...”
Ford: What are you saying?
Thatcher: [in semaphore, captioned]
  “Ask Vecchio about the...”
Ford: What are you telling him? Hey! Darling! Talk to me!

[Thatcher’s semaphore movement *smacks* him in the nose]

Ford : Ow!!
Fraser: [in semaphore, captioned]
  “Ask Vecchio about green cheese?”
Thatcher: “Spelling mistake. Ask Vecchio about Gambello case. And pick up coffee on return to Consulate.”
Fraser: “Understood. End communication.”

[Justice Building, stairwell]
Fraser: Ray, tell me about the Gambello case.
Ray: Big scale fraud. Thirty million dollars in US bearer bonds, like cash in hand.
Fraser: Those bonds are in this building; they’re evidence as part of that trial.
Ray: So the helicopter was a diversion? They’ll grab the bonds and head out where?
Fraser: Well, the sewers probably, and then they’ll detonate from a safe distance.

[Vernon succeeds in opening safe]
Francis: Thank you, cousin. Your reward is nigh.

[Fraser’s apartment; Diefenbaker is chained to the footlocker; Cooper enters]
Cooper: Diefenbaker. Hello, you don’t know me. My name’s Cooper. I’m a friend of Benton’s. Benton is in trouble. He specifically asked for you, Diefenbaker. Do you understand? [puts Dief on leash, Dief takes off]

Cooper : Whoa!!!!!

[Dief drags Cooper down the hallway...]

Cooper : Easy, easy!

[...and down the stairs]

Cooper : Whoa!!!!!

[Justice Building; elevators don’t work]
Ray: They must have jammed them. Now what?
Fraser: I have an idea but you’re not going to like it.

[they look down the long elevator shaft]
Ray: You gotta be kiddin’ me.
Fraser: I told you wouldn’t like it.

[street; police barricade]
Cooper: Pardon me, ma’am. Whoa!!

[Dief pulls Cooper, breaking through barrier & spinning the bound judge as they pass]
Cooper : Excuse me, sir.

 

[field command]

Ford : [holding hankie to his bloody nose]  Who the hell is that?

[Thatcher shrugs]

 

[Dief runs underneath a partition door that Cooper runs into]

 

[elevator shaft; Fraser holds onto the cable as they slide down]
Fraser : Uh-oh.

[his glove begins to smoke]
Ray : What?
Fraser: Oh, it’s nothing. It’s just a little friction.

[glove bursts into flames]
Fraser: Oh, dear.
Ray: What?!
Fraser: Well, it would appear... Yep, I’m on fire, Ray.
Ray: Oh, well. At least the whole day isn’t a total write-off.

[they descend quickly now, Fraser’s arm and shoulder burning brightly, and land at the bottom, where the fire is extinguished]
Ray : Well, that was lucky.
Fraser: Well, not luck exactly, Ray. There’s usually a puddle at the bottom of an elevator shaft.
Ray: No, there isn’t.
Fraser: Well, as a rule, yes, actually there is, see the condensation--
Ray: Shut up.

[field command]
Ford: Where’s the chopper?
Deeter: At the boundary marker, three miles out.
Ford: Shorren, get the teams back to full readiness.
Agent Shorren: Sir!!

[Justice Building; Bolt brothers tie up Vern and Gabe]
Francis: Sorry about that, cousins, but it makes the math easier.
Randall: Yep. No long division.

[they leave with bonds in a satchel]

[Fraser and Vecchio hide in wait for the Bolts (Fraser’s right sleeve is but a memory)]
Fraser: [to Dief]
  Go.

[Dief snatches the satchel and runs]
Francis: Hey!

[Fraser grabs the bag & they run; the Bolts chase after them... they round a corner & Fraser searches the bag, coming up with a gun; Vecchio takes it]
Ray: This will come in handy.
Randall: No happy ending to this story, Morning Glory!

[Vecchio fires and the Bolts hide]

Ray : Just in case he’s right, I just want you to know [shoots]   I mean, I know what you are and you can’t help that. [shoots]   But it’s really hard to have a saint for a friend. Go!
Fraser: Dief!

[they go through door; Bolts fire after them]

Fraser : I’m not a saint, Ray.
Ray: Well, I know that you’re not a saint saint, like when you’ve got your own day. I mean a saint in the sense of a...
Fraser: What, like a metaphor?
Ray: Yeah, yeah! Like a metaphor.
Fraser: Yeah, but Ray, don’t you see, you are as well. I mean, we all are, even them. Do you know what I mean?
Ray: Well, that’s what scares me. I think that I do.
Fraser: Yeah, well that’s probably why you and I have been such close--
Ray: All right, all right. Don’t get all mushy on me.
Randall: Gentlemen! You have one choice! You can give us what we want or we blow the building!
Ray: You are not going to blow the building. You are not a martyr. You’re just a self-centered little creep who wants to get his face in the paper.
Fraser: Are you talking about me, Ray?
Ray: Indirectly.

Fraser : Ah.
Randall: You are wrong about that! I am on a midnight ride for America! I am the modern version of -- what was that guy’s name again?
Fraser: Dr. Prescott.
Randall: That’s right. I’m a modern version of Dr. Prescott!
Francis: No, you’re not. You’re not, Randall, and neither am I.
Randall: What are you saying?
Francis: See the world for what it is, Randall, we are not patriots. We’re thieves. Uncommon, but thieves nonetheless. And once again, you’re on the verge of ruining a perfect plan.
Fraser: We seem to have hit a nerve, Ray.
Francis: Detective, there are 12 innocent people in jeopardy. Is it worth the risk? All we want are the bonds.
Randall: That’s right!
Ray: Are you kiddin’ me? That’s all that they wanted? Why didn’t they say so in the first place? Take ‘em! [tosses satchel]
Fraser: For God’s sakes, what are you doing? That’s not ours.
Ray: I know, it’s theirs.

[the Bolts grab the bag and flee]
Fraser: It is not theirs. That money belongs to someone else.
Ray: Oh, did they say ‘bonds’? I thought they said ‘bombs.’
Fraser: Oh, that’s very clever, Ray.

 

[Bolts prepare to escape down into a shaft]
Francis: Wait, wait. Open the bag.

[Randall opens it, finding only wires]

Francis : They switched bags.

Randall : Where’s our money?

 

[the Bolts run back upstairs, and see Dief holding a bag in his mouth; they follow...]
Francis: Nice doggy, want a bone? Nice bone for you, right here. Come on. Where’d he go?
Randall: Francis! Look!

[the elevator door is open onto the shaft, and the satchel hangs from the cable]
Francis: Grab the bag.
Randall: Why don’t you grab it?
Francis: Don’t you trust me, Randall?
Randall: You trust me?
Randall & Francis: Let’s both grab the bag.

[they reach for it together... Fraser snatches the radio detonator from Francis & the Bolts fall to the bottom]

Randall & Francis : Whoaaaaa! Oof! Oh!!
Ray: You guys still wanna blow the building?
Fraser: [to Dief]
  Does this kinda remind you of a bear trap?
[Dief groans]
Randall: Can we go now?
Francis: Oh, shut up, Randall.

[street; jurors rescued, judge taken away on a stretcher, Dief being *interviewed* by the press]

[rooftop]
Ray: Press hound.
Fraser: Who needs it?
Ray: Not us.
Fraser: Nope, not us.
Ray: Nope. God, I love this city. You know sometimes you have to be a conduit and let the world come to you, you know what I’m saying?
Fraser: Okay.
Thatcher: [in semaphore, captioned]
  “You have duties, Constable.”
Fraser: [in semaphore, captioned]
  “Understood. Red suits you.”
Ray: What was that about?
Fraser: What? Oh, that?
Ray: Yes, that.
Fraser: Nothing.
Ray: Nothing? You’re standing there flailing your arms around like you’re Daffy? What, do you think I just got off the boat?
Fraser: Which boat?
Ray: Don’t try to deflect this.
Fraser: Deflect what?
Ray: You know what I’m talking about.
Fraser: Well, no, Ray, actually, I don’t know what you’re talking about.
Ray: After all that we’ve been through, haven’t you learned anything?
Fraser: In what sense?
Ray: Oh, you’re the most irritating man in the world.
Fraser: Define irritating.
Ray: Oh, no, you look it up, Mr. Encyclopedia.
Fraser: Well, I think you mean Mr. Dictionary, don’t you?


End
 

 

Main Index

Season 1

Season 2

Season 3

Season 4

FitH