Odds
[card
table]
Player: Well
that’s it. I’m gutted.
Denny Scarpa:
Usually a half moon screws me up. Tonight, I’m lucky. Go
figure.
Player: Well,
it’s been a bad month. It’s been a bad night. Well, a bad
year.
Scarpa: Hey,
there’s always another table.
Player: Yeah,
always another hand.
Scarpa: That’s
right.
Player: Well,
‘til then.
Scarpa: Thank
you.
[they shake hands]
Player
: Oh, any time.
[exits]
Scarpa: Come
on, Ante!
[whistles]
[poodle jumps onto vacated chair]
Scarpa : That’s my lucky charm. That’s a good girl. You in, gentlemen? You can’t win if you’re not in.
[Kowalski, overseeing the game, crosses to window]
[observation
van]
Fraser: She
sounds very confident.
Dewey: With
reason. Denny Scarpa’s one of the best. They call her Lady
Shoes.
Fraser: Why’s
that?
Huey: She likes
shoes.
Fraser:
Oh.
Dewey: Good as
she is, I think I could take her.
Huey: Please,
you think you can take her?
Dewey: Yeah, I
think I could take her. And you want to know why?
Huey:
Why?
Dewey: Cause
she’s a woman. I mean, not to disrespect the gender, but
the game of poker was designed by men, for men. And that
is why the men know--
Fraser:
Actually, if I’m not mistaken, poker derives from the
ancient Persian game of
Âs Nas, which
was designed as a diversion for the young women of their
imperial court.
Huey: No
kidding.
[inside; a man begins setting a bomb, attaching it to a
wall]
Fraser: No.
Well, it first made its way to North America by way of the
Persian sailors who taught it to the French settlers in
New Orleans. Now of course, the French added their own
terms for betting to the game, such as, uh...
[French
accent]
“I
poque
you for a dollar. I
poque
against
you for two dollars. I
poque
against the three of you for three
dollars.”
Well, and so on. Eventually under the influence of the
northern or ‘Yankee’ accent, the game came to be
known...as “poker.”
[the bomb blows a
hole in the wall, throwing Kowalski across the
room]
[Music: ‘Ancient of the Old’ by Christina
Quinn]
Dewey: Go!
Go!
[cops rush out of
the van; masked bomber steps through the hole in the wall,
gun out; Kowalski takes out his gun but the bomber kicks
it out of his hand... bomber shoves a bag towards Scarpa,
and she fills it with the poker money; Kowalski leaps on
him & pulls off his mask, but is elbowed in the
stomach... bomber goes to the door, but hears cops on
their way up, so he jumps out of the window; Duck Boys
& Fraser enter the room and Fraser goes to the
window]
Ray: Fraser, I
would not--
[Fraser jumps out
but lands badly]
Ray: --do
that.
[Kowalski runs out
the door & shoots at the bomber... the guy gets
away]
Ray: You all
right?
[Fraser lies on the
ground in obvious pain]
Fraser
:
[grunts]
I’m not sure, I got... My back.
Ray: You know,
Fraser?
Fraser:
Mm-hmm?
Ray: From the
second floor?
Fraser:
Mmm?
Ray: There’s
always the other option.
Fraser: Which
is?
Ray: The
stairs. [helps
Fraser to stand]
Fraser: Oh.
Right, well, I’ll remember that.
Ray: You get
the plate?
Fraser: No, I
was...indisposed.
Ray: Great.
That is...greatness. Another night wasted. All night, for
nothing.
[Dief & Ante,
then Dewey & Scarpa emerge from the
building]
Fraser:
[to
Dief]
Where do you think you’re going?
[Dief paws at the poodle; Scarpa picks her
up]
Scarpa: My poor
baby. [to
Fraser]
She hates explosives.
Fraser: Most
animals do.
[street; Scarpa is
escorted, handcuffed, into a paddy-wagon]
Fraser
: Dief, she’s out of your league.
[Dief
woofs]
Fraser
: Well, she is.
Ray: What’s
with Dief?
Fraser: Well,
I’m not sure. Might be love. Then again it might just be
worms.
Ray: What’s the
diff? Man, I sure as hell did not think explosives. You
know, I’m supposed to be the inside guy on a simple
gambling bust, so I can go to court and say to the ladies
and gentlemen of the jury, the defendant was raking in the
cash.
Fraser: Well
Ray, it’s very difficult to anticipate an exploding
wall.
Ray: Fraser,
I’m paid to anticipate.
Fraser: You
can’t always predict the outcome.
[Kowalski watches
Fraser watching exiting paddy-wagon]
Ray: Please.
Don’t tell me you got a thing for her.
Fraser: For
who?
Ray: You know
who. Lady Shoes.
Fraser: I don’t
know her.
Ray: Exactly,
and you never will. She’s a card player. You never get to
know a woman like that.
Fraser: All
right, if you say so.
Ray:
Well-yeah-yeh-yeh, that’s what I just said.
Fraser: Well I
know, I heard you say that.
Ray: Yeah,
forget about it.
[cell phone
rings]
Ray:
[answering]
Yeah.
Welsh:
[shouting]
Guy blows a hole through a wall, he jumps
through with a gun, and you don’t get him,
Detective?!
No, not good! That’s why the press is always pushing for
more SWAT teams, because we got cops who don’t know how to
use their
guns!
[27th precinct, Welsh’s office; Frannie enters
wearing a shoulder
holster]
Francesca: Uh,
sir? [shuts
door]
Welsh: Have you
got a license for that?
Francesca: For
this? No! I’m just sort of trying...
[takes out gun &
points it at Welsh]
Welsh:
[gently pushing it
away] No,
no-no-no-no-no-no.
Francesca: I’m
just trying it out! You know, sort of as a preamble to
wearing heat.
[she aims at the door & fires: it’s a water pistol]
Francesca : I’m taking self-defense!
[into the
bullpen]
Welsh: You’re
gonna defend yourself by drowning somebody to death?
Francesca:
Well, I thought it’d be a little more humane than, you
know... [points gun
& squirts; a lady protests] ...blinding some guy,
or kicking him in the, uh, you know...the nether
regions.
Welsh: The
nether regions.
Francesca:
Yeah, well, um.
[puts gun back in
holster]
Ow. Actually sir, I’m, um... I’m kinda wearing this for a
different reason.
[into Welsh’s
office]
Welsh:
Fashion.
Francesca: No.
Uh. I’ve sorta been thinking about the, um, the
academy.
Welsh: You
wanna become a cop?
Francesca:
Well, become a cop, I don’t know about that. I’m just um,
I’m just,
you know, really, sort of, basically uh, tossing it
around in my mind right now until I can um, resolve the
uniform issue.
Welsh: The
uniform issue.
Francesca:
Yeah, well... My head is shaped a little weird and I can’t
really wear a hat. I was the only girl at my first
communion at Our Lady of Immaculate Conception who
couldn’t wear a veil.
Welsh: Well,
uh, you know, that would be a problem.
Francesca:
Yeah, but um, until I work that out I-I was just kinda
hoping that, you know, maybe you could steer me in the
right direction.
Welsh: Sure, I
can give you all the advice you need to get into the
academy. I don’t know what I can do about this hat
thing.
Francesca:
That’s great! That-that’s fine! I’ll-I’ll worry about the
hat thing. That’s...thank you. Um. Yeah, sir, do you, do
you think we could, um, you know, just sorta keep this
under...
Welsh: Under
our hats?
Francesca:
Well, yeah. Until... In case it doesn’t really work out,
you know. Thank you.
[interrogation
room]
Dewey: Look
like you might be here a while, so can I get you a coffee
or a tea?
Scarpa: Yeah,
I’ll take a coffee. Black.
Dewey:
Black.
Scarpa: It’s
gonna be hard to drink it with...these on.
[rattles
cuffs]
[corridor]
Welsh: All
right, where is she now?
Ray: Uh, she’s
in interview 1. She’s not being very helpful. Said she
didn’t see the guy.
Welsh: She’s
trying to cut a deal?
Ray: Uh, can’t
tell. I brought up those assault charges from the poker
game in Arkansas. I said, you’ll do time. She says, ‘So,
I’ll do time.’
Welsh: Not easy
to scare Denny Scarpa. This mook I know, his cousin sat in
on one of her tables, musta been 10 years ago. Even then
she had ice water in her veins.
Ray: Uh, she
claims we tried to kill her.
Fraser: Well,
she does have a point, Ray.
Ray: No, she
doesn’t have a point. She’s, uh, just pissed that she
didn’t make me for a cop.
Welsh: Point is
that she doesn’t identify this guy, she’s not a material
witness.
[into Welsh’s
office]
Ray
: She was looking right at him.
Welsh: Oh, so
she’s lying? Why?
Ray: Uh, hiding
something.
Fraser
: Perhaps she’s frightened.
Welsh: Yeah,
well, maybe I’d better go talk to this legend. See who’s
got the better bluff.
[Fraser turns but
wrenches his back]
Fraser:
Mmm!!
Welsh: What?
What?! Back?
Fraser:
Yeah.
Welsh: Back.
Put both hands on the desk...
Fraser:
Mm-hmm.
Welsh: Uh-huh,
take your knee...
[both kneel
down]
Fraser:
Mmm!
Welsh: Now
breathe.
Fraser:
Hoooo!
Welsh:
Breathe!
Fraser &
Welsh: Hoooo! Hooooh.
[two men
enter]
White: Agent
White.
Exley: Agent
Exley.
[they flash
badges]
Welsh: Oh,
Feds.
[Kowalski & Welsh help Fraser to
stand]
White: You want
us to come back after yoga, gentlemen?
Exley: You’re
Constable Benton Fraser of the Royal Canadian Mounted
Police.
White: First
came to Chicago on the trail of his father’s--
Welsh: Yes he
is. Now what do you want?
Exley: Denny
Scarpa.
Welsh: When
we’re finished.
White: It’s
been cleared.
[Exley gives Welsh a piece of
paper]
[interrogation room]
[Scarpa fans out a deck of
cards]
Huey: I play a
little poker.
Dewey: Me,
too.
Scarpa: Of
course you do. All cops play poker. A little poker.
Dewey: A little
poker? What’s that supposed to mean?
Scarpa: I’m
just stating the facts, gentlemen. Card?
[they draw cards;
she gets a higher number]
Scarpa: Not
quite good enough. Next.
[she beats them
every time]
Dewey: No one
can be that lucky.
Scarpa: Are you
insinuating that I cheat, Detective?
[Welsh
enters]
Welsh:
Gentlemen, take five.
White: Agent
White.
Exley: Agent
Exley.
[they flash
badges]
[Huey, Dewey and
Welsh exit]
Huey:
[mutters]
Nice suits.
Exley: So.
Denny Scarpa.
Scarpa: And you
are?
White: Couple
of guys who might be able to help you out.
Scarpa: In
exchange for?
Exley: You give
us Alex Farah.
[corridor]
White: Hang
onto her.
Exley: You
clear it with Welsh.
Scarpa: Mind if
I use the ladies’?
[White and Exley
look at each other & do some kind of secret
nod]
Exley: Yeah,
it’s all right.
Scarpa: Okay.
[poodle runs
off]
Ante!
[whistles]
[she shrugs, then enters ladies’ room; Exley sits on bench facing the door]
[Welsh’s
office]
White: We’re
gonna cut a deal.
Welsh: Oh.
Imagine our surprise.
White: She’s
got a game set up. We got word that one of the guys we’re
looking for is gonna be there. Alex Farah. He’s suspected
of extortion, market fraud, murder. He’s a card player.
Been out of the country a couple years. He’s coming in for
a grudge match against Scarpa. We’d like to put in an
appearance.
Ray: Well Farah
sounds rough. Why don’t you just get Scarpa to tell you
where the game is, you know, and--
White: The
lady’s the attraction. He doesn’t want to just play poker,
he wants to go toe-to-toe with Lady Shoes. She doesn’t
show, he doesn’t show. It’s been a pleasure.
[exits]
Welsh
: Those two guys bug
me.
[ladies’ room; a civilian aide enters, wearing a
poncho]
Scarpa:
Hi.
Aide: Hi.
[takes off
poncho]
Ah, sure feels good to get that thing off.
Scarpa: Yeah.
Traffic bad?
Aide: A cop cut
me off. You believe that?
Scarpa:
Mm-hmm.
[they laugh; Aide goes into a stall... Denny’s shoes
appear at the door, waiting as the less-than-watchful
Exley bends down to pull up his sock, dropping his badge
& gun in the process; Denny walks past him wearing the
aide’s poncho, as Exley practices flashing his
badge]
White: We’re
all set. Where’s Scarpa?
Exley: The
restroom.
Aide: Hey,
where’s my poncho?
Exley: Will you
excuse me for a moment?
[goes into the
ladies’ room]
[pause]
Exley : Agent White?
[Welsh’s
office]
Ray: She saw
him, Lieutenant. All we have to do is, um--
Francesca: Sir?
Scarpa got away. The Feds let her go to the bathroom and
she--
White &
Exley: She outwitted us.
Francesca:
Yeah.
Welsh: You want
me to call the Bureau, or you guys think you can handle
that?
White: I think
we should take a look at this from another angle,
Lieutenant. You find her.
Exley: We don’t
tell the Bureau that your station house lost a federal
asset.
[they both get
beeped, then exit]
Welsh: Well, I
guess we’d better find her.
Ray:
How?
[Fraser & Welsh give him a look]
[sidewalk; Fraser
& Kowalski follow Ante & Diefenbaker]
Ray: Fraser,
you think this is one of your good ideas, following around
the wolf?
Fraser: It’s
the only lead we have, Ray.
[apartment building;
the dogs enter the lobby, then Fraser &
Kowalski...]
Doorman:
[blows
whistle]
No dogs in the building!
Ray: Says
who?
Doorman:
Me.
Ray: You
are?
Doorman: The
guy who keeps the dogs out of the building.
Ray: And, uh,
what about that dog?
[indicates
Ante]
Doorman: Well,
that dog’s different. That dog I know, this dog I don’t
know.
Ray: Well, this
dog’s with me.
Doorman: Yeah,
and who are you?
Ray: Chicago
PD. Where does this dog live?
Doorman: 14-10,
but she’s never in.
[into the
elevator]
Ray: Who, the
dog?
Doorman: She’s
not a dog. No, she’s got legs that go, uh, all the way to
the top. But like I said, she’s never in.
Ray: Good, I’ll
leave a note. Out.
Fraser: Thank
you kindly.
[apartment; Scarpa
is with the bomber (Joey)]
Scarpa: Not so
smart to come here, Joey.
Joey: Well
you’re okay, you got out of it.
Scarpa: Yeah, I
took care of it. But the game is still on.
Joey: What for?
We got plenty of money.
Scarpa: Just
one more time.
Joey: It’s
dangerous.
[corridor]
Fraser: We
aren’t really going to leave a note, are we.
Ray: No. We’re
gonna break in, look through her personal possessions, and
use her can without a warrant.
[apartment; Scarpa
and Joey kiss]
Scarpa:
Just one more time, and then we can be together
always.
[Dief
barks]
Scarpa: Joey,
take this. [gives
him a pistol]
[Kowalski picks the
lock & opens the door]
Ray: Look,
generally it’s not a great bet to come back to your place
of residence once you’ve escaped police custody.
[Joey runs out from
behind the door, Fraser chases him; he shoots at Fraser
then runs downstairs... Fraser follows him into an alley,
but then sees a car coming straight for him; Kowalski runs
into the alley and sees the car... he turns to run away,
but is lifted to safety: they dangle from a pole above the
alley, and the car passes underneath]
Fraser: I’m
sorry! [drops
Kowalski, then falls himself]
Ow!
Ray: Dammit,
Fraser, if you were gonna drop a guy, you gotta say
something first like, Ray, I’m gonna drop ya.
Fraser: I’m
sorry, Ray. But with my back being the way it is, it was
extremely difficult to hang on.
Ray: Okay, I
guess I’ll let it go this time. Did you get a plate?
Fraser: No, I
was otherwise occupied.
Ray: I guess I
gotta do everything.
Fraser: Oh, so
you got the plate then?
Ray: No, I did
not get the plate, Fraser, but--
Fraser: All
right, well what did you get?
Ray: I got the
girl.
[apartment; Denny is
handcuffed by her ankle to a table
leg]
[street]
Scarpa: People
lose money they carry grudges. It’s a danger that comes
with the territory. It’s just never been this close.
Fraser: You say
you’ve never seen this man before. You’ve never played
with him?
Scarpa:
[shakes
head]
Hmm-mm.
Fraser: Likely
he was hired by a third party. Uh, if you don’t mind me
saying so, you pursue a very dangerous occupation.
Scarpa: And the
strange thing is, I wanted to be a physician. I was in
pre-med at NYU, and one weekend sat down at an open table
in Atlantic City. Put my textbooks in the garbage can and
I never looked back.
Fraser: Do you
regret it?
Scarpa: After
this thing? Yes.
Ray : Watch your head.
[she gets into the GTO]
Ray
: Don’t tell me, Fraser: she is one great lady. She feeds
starving children so we’re gonna have to stick out our
skinny necks.
Fraser: Oh, I’m
not sure about the starving children, Ray, but...
[they talk over the
car]
Ray: You’re a
good guy, Fraser, and one of the good things about you is
you take people at face value. She’s different. She is a
card shark.
Fraser: Ray, we
know that this man is dangerous, and that he probably came
here to eliminate a witness, and if that’s the case he’ll
undoubtedly try again. Furthermore, in the absence of a
hard and fast deal, if we hand her over to the federal
agents it’s unlikely that her protection will be a high
priority.
Ray: Do not
fall for her, Fraser.
Fraser: We have
to protect her.
Ray: Do not
fall for her.
Fraser: I’m
not.
[Kowalski looks
Fraser over]
Ray : All right. What’s the plan?
[consulate; Fraser’s
office]
[Fraser hands Scarpa a pair of his
longjohns]
Fraser: Of
course, I’m not...uh, well, I’m not sure what it is that
you actually wear when you’re not uh, when you’re not
wearing any clothes. I mean, when you’re uh, sleeping--
This may not be appropriate.
Scarpa: No,
it’s perfect. Thank you.
[pause]
Are you just gonna stand there and watch me,
or...
Fraser: Oh,
I’m-I’m sorry.
[exits]
[lobby]
Thatcher:
Fraser! Fraser, Fraser, Fraser, Fraser, Fraser.
[she’s been
drinking]
Off duty and still working.
[does the ‘what’s
that on your shirt’/flick your
nose] You
really gotta learn to relax. I mean, look at me. How
do...How do I seem?
[circles him,
closely]
Fraser: How do
you seem, sir?
Thatcher: Yeah.
I mean, do I seem tense to you?
Fraser: Uh, no
sir. You appear to be very loose-limbed.
Thatcher: That
would be the Latin influence.
[car
honks]
That would be a Latin horn.
Fraser: A Latin
horn.
Thatcher: I
gotta pee. I was having
tapas
with the Spanish ambassador. He’s remarkably
erudite, learned, well-read and really, really, really
hot-blooded.
[man enters, begins
singing
‘
Volare’
]
Thatcher: See
what I mean? Um, we’re gonna continue... Um. I, um, I have
a really high level, power um, meeting at 0900 hours, so
I’m gonna be late.
[exits with her
date]
Ambassador : [voice] You look so beautiful in moonlight...
[Fraser sits at his desk; Scarpa, wearing the longjohns,
drops 4 aces in front of him; they begin to draw single
cards]
Fraser: You
handle cards very well.
Scarpa: That’s
what I do.
Fraser: Are you
naturally lucky, or do you cheat?
Scarpa: That
depends on how you define cheating.
[looks at Ante and
Dief snuggled up
together]
Looks cozy, doesn’t it?
[Fraser tries to
look but wrenches his back again, and grunts]
Scarpa: Is it
sore? Is it here?
Fraser:
Yes.
[Scarpa starts
massaging Fraser’s back; Fraser makes noises of
discomfort/pleasure]
Scarpa: I used
to do this for my dad when he’d get home working late. My
kid brother too. Do you have a brother?
Fraser:
No.
Scarpa:
Sister?
Fraser:
No.
Scarpa: It’s
tough when they can’t take care of themselves. My kid
brother was just one mess after another. And right
here?
Fraser: Mm-hmm.
You handle muscles well also. Do you mind if I ask you a
question?
Scarpa:
Uh-uh.
Fraser: Are you
protecting someone?
Scarpa: Just
myself and my dog.
Fraser: Sounds
very lonely.
Scarpa: You
tell me.
Fraser: Are you
suggesting our situations are similar?
Scarpa: Both
outsiders, one step ahead of everybody else. Yeah, I think
so.
Fraser: What do
you plan to do about the FBI and Mr. Farah?
Scarpa: If I
can’t cut a deal I’ll face charges, and if I can cut a
deal I’ll face Farah. Either way I’m kinda boxed in.
Fraser: It’s a
dangerous game.
Scarpa: Life is
a dangerous game. The trick is to minimize the risk.
Fraser: And how
do you plan to minimize the risk in the game with
Farah?
Scarpa: I’d
have to have someone with me. Someone I could trust.
Fraser: Someone
like me, you mean.
Denny Scarpa:
Mmm. You would be perfect.
[knock knock
knock]
Fraser: I
should answer that.
Scarpa: You’re
bluffing, right?
Fraser: No, I
never bluff. Excuse me.
[rises]
[Fraser opens the
front door]
Ray: This is
Tommy, our sketch artist.
[sees
Scarpa]
Uh, don’t you feel a little, uh, naked without the uh,
longjohns?
Fraser: I have
several pair.
Ray: Mmm. Uh,
ballistics was positive with the gun. The guy who was
shooting at us was the same guy who took down the
game.
[Tommy inspects the
wood paneling on the walls]
Tommy
:
[whistles]
This is nice. Really nice.
Fraser: Thank
you.
Tommy: Real
wood, and everything.
Ray:
[softly]
Tommy doesn’t get out much.
Fraser:
Ah.
Ray: This is
your witness.
Tommy: The
woman?
Ray:
Right.
[Tommy and Scarpa
are working on a picture]
Ray: Blind as a
bat. Damn, he knows his way around a pencil. Fraser... Uh,
you know what the hell you’re doing?
Fraser: What is
it you think I’m doing?
Ray: Uh, you
tell me. You’re the one who’s got a shark swimming around
in your underwear.
[they play hi
card/lo card while they talk]
Fraser: It’s
purely a matter of practicality, Ray. Her clothes were not
particularly conducive to sleeping.
Ray
: Oh, so you just had to take ‘em off.
Fraser: No, she
managed that all by herself.
Ray: Look.
Fraser, all I’m trying to say here is, this woman is a
dangerous customer. I mean, she’s covering angles, she’s
looking at the odds, she’s looking for insurance. This is
not the, you know, little girl from the igloo next
door.
Fraser: You
think she’s protecting someone?
Ray: Yeah,
maybe, boyfriend.
Fraser: But we
have no proof of that.
Ray: Oh man, is
she reeling you in.
Fraser: Well,
why do you say that?
Ray: Would you
be so diplomatic if she wasn’t such a beautiful
woman?
Fraser:
Certainly.
Ray: Awful
thing is, I believe you.
Tommy:
[caressing the
banister]
Mahogany. All done!
Fraser:
Admittedly I did only catch a glimpse of him and he was
wearing a hat, but I was quite sure his hair was
dark.
Scarpa: No, I’m
pretty sure it was blonde. This is him.
Ray:
[to
Tommy] Uh,
get that out on the wire right away.
[Tommy goes to leave in the wrong direction]
Ray
: Tommy! Tommy.
[points the way
out]
Tommy: Real
cherry wood. Wow.
Scarpa: Well,
goodnight. Dief! Ante!
[exits]
Fraser:
Goodnight.
Ray:
Night.
[Scarpa shuts the door, and begins to make a phone
call]
[doorbell
rings]
White: Agent
White.
Exley: Agent
Exley.
[flash
badges]
White: Where is
she?
Ray: No
idea.
Exley: Is that
why you needed a sketch artist this evening?
Ray: Well, the
thing of it is, I love art, paintings mostly. Uh,
sculpture does not turn my crank. Uh, but I love oils and
watercolors, and....
[Scarpa appears
behind Kowalski & Fraser]
Ray: Hey now!
Where the hell did she come from?
White: You just
brought yourself some trouble.
Fraser:
Trouble?
White &
Exley: With a capital T.
[27th
precinct; Welsh’s office]
White &
Exley: [flashing
badges]
We’re filing charges.
Welsh: What
charges?
Exley:
Harboring a fugitive, for starters.
Welsh: Well
she’s our fugitive. Maybe he was just holding her.
Exley: In the
Canadian consulate?
Welsh: A bit
unorthodox.
White: I don’t
want to hear about it.
Exley: We’re
taking her, right now.
Welsh: Or else
what?
White: We’ll
take your boy here instead.
Ray: Boy?
Fraser: Ah,
gentlemen, I think I may have a solution to this.
White:
What?
Fraser: Well,
I’ve spoken with Miss Scarpa, and I believe that she’ll
agree to cooperate with you on one condition.
Exley:
Condition being?
Fraser: She
wants someone at the table that she can trust.
White:
You?
Exley: She
trusts you?
Fraser: I
believe she does, yes.
White &
Exley: You’re on.
[as they leave their cell phones
ring]
White: Agent
White.
Exley: Agent
Exley.
Ray: Fraser,
you don’t know how to play poker.
Fraser: No,
I... Well, I’m not entirely unfamiliar with it, Ray.
Although perhaps a refresher course in some of the
fundamentals might be a good idea. Is an ace still
considered a high card?
[card table; Welsh,
Huey, Dewey, Kowalski, Fraser]
Ray: Okay, this
is retarded. You cannot learn to play poker in one night
and hope to beat a shark.
Fraser:
Possibly. Although, you know, one time I did manage to
learn almost all of Milton’s Paradise Lost in a
single evening. Of course, my chances for survival were
very slim at the time. I had to keep my mind very
focused--
Ray: Uhp. Prove
it.
Fraser: Prove
what?
Ray: Do the,
uh, Paradise Lost thing.
Fraser: Oh,
uh... “Of man’s first disobedience in the fruit of that
forbidden tree who’s mortal taste brought death into the
world and all our woe--”
Ray: Okay,
okay, okay. Maybe we got a shot. Okay, lets get down to
basics. Poker is a game of money and deception.
Welsh:
Penalties go to the weak, rewards go to the strong.
Huey: In poker,
you’re on your own.
Dewey: The
loser makes himself a loser.
Ray: And the
winner makes himself a winner.
Fraser: I see.
And where do the cards fit into this?
Ray : Uh, the cards are incidental. Think about it this way: poker is sheer justice.
[Kowalski deals third round (looks like 7 card
stud)]
Ray: Okay, low
card brings it in.
[they
bet]
Ray: Okay, we
are on fourth street.
[deals next
round]
[Frannie
enters]
Francesca: I
bet my salary on Fraser. A year’s worth. Hi, Fraze.
Fraser:
Francesca.
Welsh: That
would be illegal, Miss Vecchio.
Francesca:
Why?
Welsh: The
state of Illinois has laws against illegal gaming, okay.
Betting on poker, even a small sum such as your salary
would be considered illegal.
[Frannie circles the table, sampling the candy they’re
using to
bet]
Francesca:
Well, that’s just stupid.
Welsh: Well,
stupid or not, it’s the law, and you should know the law
if you wanna become a--
[Frannie hits his
shoulder]
Francesca: Hey
sir, watch your...cards, there.
Fraser: If you
want to become a what, Francesca?
Francesca: Um,
nothing. I was just musing, hypothetically. Can’t, uh,
gamble since I can’t break the law.
Ray: Oh yeah,
since when? [dealing
last card]
Down and dirty.
Francesca:
This morning.
Fraser: Oh,
uh... Do I still have to bet?
All:
Yes!
Fraser: But
I’ve already won. It would seem to be gloating.
[all pile lots more candy into the pot]
Fraser
: Well, it seems that I have a blush, and four low.
Welsh:
Constable, you have a flush and it’s ace high, and you
can’t do that. You can’t be bluffing when you’re not
bluffing.
Fraser: I
wasn’t bluffing, sir. I was just telling the truth.
Ray: Poker is
not about the truth, Fraser.
Welsh: It’s
about deception, Constable.
Huey: You
stink, Fraser.
Fraser: Of
what?
All: The
truth!
[Welsh’s office;
Kowalski & Welsh sit on the couch, drinking]
Welsh: Do you
think Fraser’s up to this?
Ray: As long
as he doesn’t have to lie.
Welsh: Or
bluff.
Ray: Or
hold.
Welsh: I guess
cheating is out of the question.
Ray: Imagine
living like that?
Welsh &
Ray: Forget about it!
Welsh: How
‘bout those Feds?
[they break out
into laughter]
[holding cell;
Scarpa lies on cot, with Ante & Dief at her feet...
Fraser approaches the cell, thinks she’s asleep, and turns
to leave]
Scarpa:
[getting
up]
Leaving?
Fraser:
[returning]
I thought you
were sleeping.
Scarpa: You’ve
been up all night.
Fraser: Mmm.
As have you? [she
nods] Are
you nervous about tomorrow?
Scarpa: Yeah,
I’m scared. I had a run-in with Farah a couple of years
back. He’s a tough guy. He’ll have bodyguards. Anything
can happen.
Fraser: You
think something will happen?
Scarpa: I
don’t know. I’m a card player, not a psychic.
Fraser: You
know, sometimes telling the truth is the only way
out.
Scarpa:
[moves
closer]
You’ll never make a poker player.
Fraser:
Actually I uh, I won a bag of candy.
[produces large bag
full of Smarties]
Scarpa: Anyone
can win when the stakes don’t matter.
Fraser: True
enough.
[they nibble the candy]
Fraser
: I took the liberty of looking into your record.
Scarpa: Of
course.
Fraser: You
were arrested for assault in connection with a knifing at
a poker game in Arkansas.
Scarpa: When
in Rome.
Fraser: And
you confessed to the stabbing even though witnesses at the
scene said your brother Larry actually committed the
crime.
Scarpa:
Witnesses can be wrong.
Fraser: Or you
could have been protecting your brother. He had a record.
A judge would have been stern with him.
Scarpa: You
look out for your family. Larry... He couldn’t take care
of himself.
Fraser: What
color is his hair?
Scarpa: Dark.
Was, Larry’s dead. He couldn’t let things go. He was in
Bakersfield and ran into another man who couldn’t let
things go, and I wasn’t there to help him. Are you testing
me?
Fraser:
Yes.
Scarpa: Can I
trust you?
Fraser:
Mm-hmm.
[they
kiss]
Scarpa: Then
why can’t you trust me?
Fraser: Who
says I don’t? I should go.
[hands her the bag
of candy, and
exits]
[men’s room; Fraser is splashing water on his face;
Kowalski
enters]
Fraser: You
know, my father used to say that duty was a passion. Maybe
the only one that really counted.
Ray: You got
no duty here, Fraser, all you got is risk. What if you
start to sweat and Farah twigs to the scam? I mean,
anything could go down.
Fraser: Well,
I’m aware there are risks.
Ray: You know,
Fraser, uh... When I was in college, um, I used to go to
the track and play the horses. Um. One day I was down
there and I met this chick from Albany. She had a good
line. And I bought it, hook, line, sinker, you know.
Before she left, she’d taken everything.
Fraser: You
think I’m confusing duty with passion?
Ray: No. I
think that um, there’s a lot of things that you can do
with a woman like this, but trusting them isn’t one of
‘em.
Fraser: Who
says I trust her?
Ray:
[sighs]
You telling me everything? You can back out,
you know.
Fraser: No, I
can’t do that.
[bullpen]
Fraser: Ah.
Francesca, I wonder if you’d mind looking up some
information for me?
Francesca:
Sure Fraze, but first, can I ask you a question about your
work?
Fraser: Well
I’ll try to answer, but of course, as a member of the RCMP
I have taken an oath of secrecy. As a consequence, there
are certain matters that I am bound not to discuss.
[walking down the
stairs (how did they get up there so fast??) and through
the hall]
Francesca
: What do you mean? Like about the Queen and Inspector
Thatcher?
Fraser: Well,
I am loyal to them both; however, actually I was referring
to... well, discussions of matters that might compromise
national security.
Francesca:
Oh.
Fraser: So,
what do you want to know?
Francesca:
Yeah, um... Is the hat really necessary?
Fraser:
Absolutely essential.
[puts on Stetson
with a
flourish]
This is the information I require.
[hands her a piece
of
paper]
Francesca : Okay.
Fraser
: Thank you kindly.
[exits]
Ray: What were
you guys just talking about?
Francesca:
Nothing. Head gear.
Ray: Come on,
he just gave you a piece of paper. What-what-what was on
the paper?
Francesca:
Nothing, Ray, he just wanted me to look over a few things
for him. Why? Is that a crime, too? Because-because if
that’s a crime as well, then...there’s just...way too many
crimes...I can’t get all these crimes in my head...I’m
going to have to re-think the whole thing!
Ray: You do
that. You think. That-that-that’d be a good hobby for
you.
[apartment building
hallway]
Scarpa: All
right, I have to get ready now. I can’t eat on game day, I
can’t use mint toothpaste, I can’t face any corner of the
room for more than 10 seconds, and I can’t smell a man
until I sit at the table. So, you both are gonna have to
leave.
Ray: I knew
gamblers were superstitious, but--
Scarpa: It’s
not superstition, it’s discipline. And discipline is part
of the game.
Ray: And this
discipline works?
Scarpa: I win.
[closes
door]
Fraser: I
think I’ll stay here.
Ray: Yeah,
I’ll go cover the rear exit. Wake me if anything
happens.
[apartment; Scarpa
checks bullets in a
revolver]
[hotel corridor; Welsh, Kowalski, Huey, Dewey, and Fraser
walk together: Fraser is in red serge]
Dewey: He can’t
wear your tuxedo.
Huey: Why
not?
Dewey: Because
he’ll look like a waiter at Chico’s.
Welsh: Only if
it’s light blue.
Huey: It’s not
blue, it’s black, and beautiful. Just like me.
Ray: He’s
gotta look expensive, like the boys in Vegas.
Welsh: Vegas?
They wear track suits.
Ray: Yeah, but
he’s gotta look like he knows what he’s doing. He’s gotta
look slick. He’s gotta look--
[they turn the
corner: Fraser now wears black tuxedo]
Ray: --good.
You look good. You look, uh...
Dewey
: Sharp.
Huey:
Très
sharp.
Welsh: Yeah,
you’re a real fashion plate, Constable.
[Kowalski’s cell phone rings]
Welsh: Look,
here’s your stake, courtesy of the Chicago PD.
[hands Fraser a
stuffed envelope]
Ray:
[answers]
Yeah, Vecchio.
Welsh: Now,
you understand that anything you earn off of that belongs
to Chicago Police Department, all right?
Fraser: Yes,
sir.
Welsh: Now
let’s check out the set up.
[enters
room]
Dewey: You
want another card and the dealer’s smiling, don’t take it.
[enters
room]
Huey: And if
the guy next to you smells like bacon bits, definitely see
him and raise him.
[enters
room]
Ray:
[to
Fraser]
That was Frannie. She got the information you wanted.
Curious?
Fraser: I’d
appreciate it.
Ray: Two years
ago Farah played a game in Bakersfield. The night ended
with a homicide. That was the last time Farah was seen in
the country. The deceased was a guy named Lawrence
Packard. What does that mean?
Welsh:
[popping his head
out] All
right, showtime. Let’s go, Detective. Good luck,
Constable.
[hotel
room]
Welsh: Is he
all right?
Ray: I don’t
know, he’s a little whacked.
[FBI agents (in suits & trenchcoats) & CPD looking at the video feed of another hotel room... view switches from video feed to actually inside the gambler’s room]
[knock knock]
Exley
: Here’s our next player. This one’s Malone.
White: Out of
Oklahoma. Oil money. Plays the circuit.
Exley: Runner
up, ‘95 World Championships, Reno.
[knock
knock]
White: Next
guest.
Fraser: Good
evening. [looks
around room, walks over to wet
bar] Ah,
cider. Thank you kindly.
[sniffs
drink]
Whoa. Stiff apples.
White:
Mountie’s in place.
Exley: Nice
tux.
White: For a
rental.
Huey: Hey, I
own that
tux.
Exley: What do
you charge? [agents
snicker]
[knock knock knock... bodyguard enters, followed by
Farah]
White: Here we
go.
Exley: It’s
Farah. Game’s on.
Carson: Name’s
Carson. Steel-Eyes Carson. Still cold up in Canada?
Fraser: Well,
it can be, yes.
Farah:
[to
Scarpa]
Delighted. [kisses
her hand]
Scarpa: Glad
you can make it. Gentlemen, shall we get started?
Carson: I went
north once. Looking for bear. Froze my little toe.
Fraser: You
know, Steel-Eyes, extremities are often insufficiently
protected against the challenge of a northern winter. As a
matter of fact I once knew of a man who lost the crotch of
his pants on a barbed-wire fence and later that night, a
particularly harsh night, he almost lost his uh... That’s
a...that’s another story. Where is everyone else
from?
All:
Miami.
Ray: We’d
better go in.
White: That’s
not the protocol, Detective.
Ray: It’s not
the what?
White: We’re
pursuing the “A-C” strategy.
Welsh:
A-C?
Exley: Al
Capone.
White: We got
witnesses lined up to testify against Farah.
Exley: No one
will testify until he’s in custody.
White: So
we’ll nail him on gaming, but to get this charge to
stick--
Exley: Farah’s
got to take a pot.
Carson: You
in?
Fraser: Well
let me see. There’s 52 cards in a deck, 4 cards in any
given suit. Now what is the possibility of getting 3 of
those 4 cards in a 7-hand game, with none of them showing,
um. Well, I don’t think the odds can be any greater than 1
in 2,756.
Joey: Are you
playing, or talking?
Scarpa: Let
him bet, Joey.
[players
bet]
Fraser:
Terribly sorry.
White: What’s
your man doing?
Welsh: He’s
winning.
Fraser: There
is something compelling about having vast quantities of
money coming in one’s direction, isn’t there?
[Kowalski
chuckles]
Exley: This is
not good.
White: Farah
has to take a pot.
Exley: We
can’t take Farah.
[all agents in unison take drink of
coffee]
Farah: One
thousand.
Carson: Looks
like the makings of a flush to Steel-Eyes.
Fraser:
Steel-Eyes. That’s an interesting moniker, Mr. Carson.
Perhaps I should adopt a nickname.
Farah: We
could call you Big Mouth.
Fraser: That
would seem to be apt. And you’re known as Lady Shoes, I
believe.
Scarpa: Some
people call me that.
Fraser: And
your last name, Scarpa, that’s not your name from birth,
is it?
Scarpa: Maybe
it is and maybe it isn’t.
Fraser: Ah. If
I’m not mistaken uh, your given name was actually
Packard.
Farah:
Packard?
Ray:
Packard.
Welsh
: What’s he doing?
[Kowalski shakes
his head]
Fraser:
[dealing]
Truly fascinating game, poker. Very few
pursuits so effortlessly combine money, deception, truth.
And so often, the real stakes far exceed what’s actually
on the table.
Ray: He’s
showing his hand, we gotta go.
White: We sit
tight.
Fraser: By way
of example, only recently I heard of a game that was
played in Bakersfield.
Joey: Who
cares?
Fraser: The
stakes were so high they resulted in a homicide. A man by
the name of Lawrence Packard. Cards?
[Farah signals
bodyguard... Kowalski recognizes Joey]
Ray: This is
the guy from the takedown.
Exley: What
are you talking about?
Ray: It’s a
set-up, you morons! Packard was her brother. Denny’s here
to take out Farah and Joey is the trigger man. Let’s move,
now!
White: We sit
tight.
Ray: We move
NOW!
[exits]
White: Hold
your positions, men.
Fraser: Mr.
Farah, you were at Bakersfield, were you not?
Farah:
[throws cards at
Fraser]
What kind of game are you playing?
Fraser: I
believe it’s called poker.
[Kowalski appears
at skylight directly over the table... Fraser sees
Kowalski’s reflection in a serving tray, & thumbs his
nose; Kowalski returns the signal. Music: ‘Ancient of the
Old’ by Christina Quinn]
Welsh: We
move.
[Welsh, Huey & Dewey exit]
[Farah snaps fingers
& bodyguards draw their guns... Kowalski crashes
through the skylight... agents and police charge into the
room & arrest everyone; Fraser grabs Farah]
White: Federal
agents, nobody moves!
Dewey: Freeze,
Chicago PD!
Fraser: Thank
you, Ray.
Ray: No
problem, Fraser.
Huey: Drop it!
Move and you’re dead!
[Fraser notices
that Scarpa is missing; he finds her out on the ledge,
just in time to catch her arm as she slips... ]
[Scarpa shrieks]
Fraser: You
play a dangerous game.
Scarpa:
[panting]
Farah killed my brother!
Fraser: And so
you ordered Joey to kill Farah.
Scarpa:
[panting]
Just trying to even out the game.
Fraser: Using
me in the process.
Scarpa:
[panting]
You could have let me go.
Fraser: Who
says I won’t let you go now?
Scarpa:
[panting]
You’re bluffing.
Fraser: I
never bluff.
[Fraser suddenly
switches hands... Scarpa cries out]
Scarpa:
[panting]
I thought you said you didn’t bluff!
Fraser
: I’m learning.
[Fraser pulls her
up with both hands; White & Exley look on, holding
their badges up to
nobody]
[27th precinct, Kowalski’s desk]
[Fraser & Kowalski are playing cards]
Ray: So she’s
off to Club Fed. Five card, one draw. What tipped you
off?
Fraser: Well
there was something about her manner in the hotel room
that suggested she wasn’t truly in any mortal peril. Also,
she claimed to have been a medical student at New York
University, but there was no record to support that claim.
What’s the ante?
Ray: I don’t
know, we’ll uh...play for air.
Fraser: All
right. [grabs at the
air & throws it into the
middle]
Ante is in. In addition, when she was kissing me--
Ray: Wait a
minute. You kissed her?
Fraser: Well
no, she kissed me.
Ray: What was
it like?
Fraser: The
kiss? Delightful.
Ray: Why
didn’t you tell me?
Fraser: That
the kiss was delightful?
Ray: Not the
kiss, not the kiss. That you suspected her.
Fraser: Ah.
Well I wasn’t sure. And as you had instructed me, there
are certain cards that are better left hidden until
they’re absolutely needed.
Ray: So, you
were bluffing.
Fraser:
Evading.
Ray:
Bluffing.
Fraser:
Delaying.
Ray:
Bluffing.
Fraser:
Equivocating.
Ray:
Bluffing.
Fraser:
Bluffing.
Ray: Thank
you. What do you think the odds are that in this universe,
Francesca will take to that dog?
Fraser
: Oh-ho-ho. Difficult to compute. But Ante needs a good
home and Francesca has a good heart, so...
Ray: How many
cards?
Fraser: I’ll
take none, thank you.
Ray:
None.
Fraser:
None.
Ray: Okay, two
can play that game. I’ll take none too. Bet?
Fraser: A
hundred.
Ray: Of?
Fraser: A
hundred of air.
[mimes placing a
bet]
<whoosh>
Ray: Okay, I’ll
see your hundred--
<whoosh>
Ray : --and I raise you fifty.
<whoosh>
Fraser: All
right, I will see that fifty--
<whoosh>
Fraser
: --and I’ll call.
Ray: What do
you got?
Fraser: Once
again, a crowded home.
Ray:
House.
Fraser:
Crowded house.
Ray: Full
house.
Fraser:
Full
house, full house. I’ll take that air now,
Ray.
Ray: I’m
tapped out.
Fraser: I’ll
accept an IOU.
Ray: An IOU on
air?
Fraser: I want
you to honor your wager.
Ray: That’s
stupid.
[bark
bark]
End