Call of the Wild

Call of the Wild

[note: for differences, Canadian version, American version.]
[frozen lake]
Fraser: The first day the frost takes and there’s a sheen of ice on the dugouts...
Robert Fraser: And when you feel the wind come down from the north, bringing the snow...
Fraser: Head out on horseback and there’s a slanting of light from the east...
Robert Fraser: Oh I miss it, son. I miss it terribly.
Fraser: Yeah, so do I. You all right?
Robert Fraser: I don’t know. You know, life is...is odd enough but death, son, Lord God. They don’t even give you a road map. Everything comes under scrutiny.
Fraser: What brought this on?
Robert Fraser: I don’t know. Something in the air. There’s something stirring there. Do you feel it?
Fraser: Yeah. You know I’ve had, uh... I’ve had some very odd dreams lately.
Robert Fraser: About your mother.
Fraser: Yeah. You?
Robert Fraser: Well, I’m dead. I don’t dream. So I don’t know what this sensation is that I’ve got. Although it’s very similar to when Walter Singlefoot laced my tea with kanikanik, [a mixture of tobacco and the dried leaves of the poke plant] then seemed to turn into a twelve-foot alligator before my very eyes. [stands] I don’t know, it feels like... It feels as though your mother is very close.

Fraser: Very close.
Kowalski: Fraser, I hope for your sake you’re talking to a fish.
Fraser: Hey, Ray! Have a seat. I’ll, uh, rig you up a line.
Kowalski: Caught anything?
Fraser: No. But you know, ice fishing takes patience.
Kowalski: Yeah. Well, you’re gonna need a lot of that, Fraser, ‘cause, uh, there ain’t no fish in here.
Fraser: How do you know that, Ray?
Kowalski: ‘Cause it’s a city reservoir. Drinking water. No fish.
Fraser: Oh. [drops pole]
Kowalski: You okay?
Fraser: Yeah, yeah. Just, uh...
Kowalski: What?
Fraser: I’m homesick. Wait a minute.
Kowalski: What?
[Fraser picks up his pole & starts reeling slowly]

Fraser: Hang on a second. [very slowly reeling] Yeah, here we go!!! [jumps up & tugs the line hard]
Kowalski: Okay! Set the hook, set the hook!
[Dief barks like crazy]

Fraser: Got something!
Kowalski: Watch your drag, watch your drag!
Fraser: Something big! [laughs]

Kowalski: Okay.

Fraser: Do you see it?

Kowalski: No, not yet.

Fraser: Is that it?!
Kowalski: Yeah, yeah, yeah!! Yeah, yeah, yeah!!
[a foot appears out of the ice – it’s a body]
Robert Fraser: Nice fish.

[27^th precinct; morgue]
Mort: Ever since I can remember, I associated fishing with death.
Kowalski: Yeah well, you catch a fish, the fish dies, then you eat the fish.
Mort: When I was a boy, I was in a camp. And the guy who ran the camp was a fisherman... of sorts. He would throw hand grenades into the pond and when the fish came up, belly up, stunned, he’d just scoop them up with a net.
Kowalski: [amused] What was it, some sort of summer camp or something?
Mort: No. Auschwitz. [holds out his arm, showing the numbered tattoo]

[silence]

Mort: Oh come on, guys. I didn’t mean to... Well, what else do we know about this man?
Fraser: His name was Cartwright. He has a couple of weapons charges, and associated with bad people.
Mort: Very bad, judging from the way he died. Shot with a small rifle, probably manufactured in old Czechoslovakia. And the bullet tipped with thallium, deadly poison, probably manufactured in Bulgaria. So there you go. Ballistics. [hands Fraser the bullet in a plastic bag]
Kowalski: Looks like he had a meet set for tonight.
Fraser: I agree. Shall we?
[they go to exit, and pause]
Kowalski: Look Mort, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize that, uh...
Mort: Come on, Ray, I didn’t want you...feel sorry. I find life interesting. Even death, I find interesting. But fishing? Fishing is ridiculous.

[darkened alley]

[Fraser & Kowalski cautiously walk along (the camera follows them, turning upside down) until they come to a car; Fraser opens the door & a body falls out (and the camera returns to upright position)]
Kowalski: Dead guy.

[*crash*]

[they run into the next alley...]

Kowalski: Chicago PD! Hold it!

[...but a man sees them, and points a weapon]

Kowalski: Uh-oh.
[Fraser & Kowalski leap behind a dumpster... the man fires a grenade launcher and the dumpster explodes; he fires again (*Boom*) then gets into a truck which speeds away; Fraser & Kowalski come out of hiding]
Robert Fraser & Fraser: Muldoon.
Kowalski: You know that guy?
Fraser: I knew him.
Kowalski: What do you mean, you knew him?
Fraser: He died 30 years ago.

[alley; cops are everywhere]
Kowalski: Who was this Muldoon?
Fraser: Holloway Muldoon. He was a legend in the north, a gifted trapper and guide. The story has it, he once carried an injured Hungarian lepidopterist on his back for almost 200 miles, through a raging blizzard. Underneath this heroic exterior, there lurked a criminal who for years had been trafficking in endangered species. Grizzly bladder, puma pelts, wolf fur...
[Dief protests]
Fraser: Yes, I know, boy. When my father went after him, the chase was epic. It lasted for a year and a half.
Kowalski: A year and a half?
Robert Fraser: It was personal.
Fraser: You see, Muldoon’s friendship with my father placed him above suspicion. The chase finally ended when Muldoon fell into Six Mile Canyon.
Kowalski: Fraser, he’s here in Chicago, so he did not fall into Six Mile Canyon.
Fraser: Apparently he survived.
Kowalski: Look. All I know, Fraser, is we got two dead guys and three scumbags shooting up Chicago with a grenade launcher, and a whole lot of work to do. [exits]
Fraser: Is that about the gist of it?
Robert Fraser: Oh, that was just the tip of the iceberg, son.

[27^th precinct; Welsh’s office]
Francesca: Well, it turns out that your car body was an associate of your fishing body. Name was Caesar Calil. Simple sheet, actually. Receiving stolen goods, receiving stolen goods, and – oh look, quelle surprise – receiving stolen goods.
Kowalski: So he was a fence.
Welsh: Detective, your powers of deduction make a guy’s head spin.
Kowalski: Thanks.
[they look at a date book]
Fraser: This is interesting.
Kowalski: It makes no sense. It’s...
Fraser: I believe it’s a code.

Welsh: It looks like he had a meet set up for today.
Fraser: Mm-hmm. This arrow would seem to indicate it was connected to last night’s meeting.
Kowalski: Yeah. The only problem is, we have no clue where this is happening.
Fraser: Well, we know that last night’s meeting was at Quincy and Orleans. So now taking this to be Orleans and this to be Quincy, that gives us 13 letters. Now if we plug those letters into today’s entry we get...
Kowalski: O-L-C-O something, something. Next word something, R-U-C, something, I-N, something.
Welsh: Rucking. Trucking!
Fraser: All right. Assuming it to be Trucking, that gives us the T which gives us--
Francesca: Oh, uh... Olcott Trucking! It’s that abandoned place on Wacker.
Fraser: Very good, Francesca.

[Francesca beams]

[Olcott Trucking]

[Fraser & Kowalski wait in an abandoned car]
Kowalski: Rats.
Fraser: Something wrong, Ray?
Kowalski: No. Rats.

[rodents scurry across the dashboard]

Fraser: Ah. Yes.

Kowalski: This place gives me the creeps.

[Dief whimpers]
Fraser: Him, too. He’s never been fond of rodents.

[two men step out of the shadows]
Kowalski: Showtime. [shouts] Hold it right there!!

[the two guys run for cover]

Agent Maddox: ATF! Throw down your weapons! Kowalski: Chicago PD! Throw down your weapons!

[pause, then at the same time]
Agent Maddox: Step out of the shadows! Kowalski: Step out of the shadows!
[pause, then at the same time]

Agent Maddox: Show us your ID! Kowalski: Show us your ID!

Agent Maddox: Don’t talk when I talk!

[27^thprecinct; Welsh’s office]
Agent Maddox: This is not your jurisdiction.
Welsh: That’s odd, Agent Maddox, because the last time I checked the criminal code, homicide was still under state jurisdiction.
Agent Lachlan: Let me make it clear. I go to meet a snitch, I don’t need interference from some flatfoot city cop.
Kowalski: [amused] This from the boys who brought you Waco. Wake up! Your snitch is downstairs chilling at the cold meat party.
Fraser: Gentlemen, perhaps it would be more productive to discuss the weapons smuggler.
Agent Lachlan: It’s none of your business.
Welsh: Someone starts shooting up Chicago with a grenade launcher, I figure it’s my business.
Agent Maddox: Wrong, Lieutenant, this is our case. [hands Welsh a paper] You keep your nose clear. [exits]
Agent Lachlan: For the record, Waco was an act of God. [exits]
Kowalski: So?
Welsh: So officially you’re off the case. [rips up the paper] But hey, if someone wanted to take this case up as a hobby... Everyone should have a hobby.

[consulate]
Fraser: See, everything my father ever did is in here. Cross-referenced by criminal and by crime.
Turnbull: Now the filing is a little crude...
Robert Fraser: Crude?!
Turnbull: But brilliant.
Robert Fraser: Smart boy.
Turnbull: To find Muldoon...
Fraser: Hmm.
Kowalski: What’s up?
Fraser: There’s a period of three weeks where there’s no entry.
Kowalski: Maybe he was busy.
Fraser: No, I don’t think so. The silence begins with the day my mother died.
Turnbull: Aha!! You see? I find Muldoon by simply flipping to page 6 of volume...9. [finds the page & hands Fraser the journal]
Robert Fraser: I’d have rearranged the landscape, torn down the mountains, and diverted the rivers to catch Muldoon. And I only had the slimmest of clues. He always managed to be where no one expected him to be. And usually that was where he had just been.
Kowalski: Anything?
Fraser: He doubles back on himself.

[same darkened alley]
Kowalski: He doubles back on himself, does he, Fraser? We’ve been waiting here for two days. Alls I got is a nose that runs faster than a three-year-old at the Kentucky Derby. Look. I’m done-ski. I’m out of here. Had enough of this. [begins to walk away]
[a car approaches, then another; Kowalski hides; Muldoon gets out, very suspicious, holding a metal briefcase, then spots Kowalski... he moves back to his car]
Kowalski: Freeze! Chicago PD!
[they exchange gunfire & the briefcase is shot out of Muldoon’s hand; then Muldoon retrieves a flame thrower & fires at Kowalski, who dives out of the way; both cars speed off]

[Fraser & Kowalski approach the briefcase & open it – it contains 5 metal canisters]
Kowalski: What’s that?
Fraser: It’s Russian lettering.
Kowalski: What’s it say?
Fraser: Well, my Russian’s a little bit rusty, but I think it’s nerve gas. And this one...

[he selects a canister & puts it to his ear – it’s hissing]

Fraser: Oh dear. Do you have any gum?

[Kowalski pulls the gum out of his mouth & hands it over]

Fraser: We’re in luck. It seems to be holding. You know, at first glance you wouldn’t assume that gum and string would be able to—

[Kowalski walks off holding his head]

Fraser: What’s wrong with you?
Kowalski: I got it.
Fraser: You got what?
Kowalski: Gas. I-I-I-I-I’ve been gassed! [he’s starting to freak out]
Fraser: Oh no, Ray, I shouldn’t think you’d actually been gassed.
Kowalski: I got tingling! My hands are tingling, I’m tingling all over!
Fraser: Ray, Ray, if you’d actually been exposed to nerve gas you’d be experiencing different symptoms.
Kowalski: Like what?
Fraser: Well, you’d have difficulty breathing.
Kowalski: [spreads fingers and starts to hyperventilate] Yeah! Ah!!!
Fraser: You’d probably feel a little bit dizzy....

[Kowalski sits down on the ground, panting]

Fraser: And you might feel as though you want to vomit...

[Kowalski retches]

Fraser: You’d probably start bleeding out of your nose...

[he checks]

Fraser: Your bowels would release...

[he checks]

Fraser: Most of all, though, you’d probably be unconscious and dead.

[camera has panned back to show a wall mural of a man frozen in a scream]
Kowalski: Oh. I get nervous... I just, uh... I got a bit nervous. Okay. [gets up] My bowels seem okay.
Fraser: I’m relieved.
Kowalski: What’d you find?
Fraser: It’s a footprint belonging, I think, to the driver of the car. In which case, we can assume reasonably that he was or is an employee of the Hotel California.
Kowalski: You cannot tell that by a footprint, Fraser. I don’t care if you can track musk ox across the Atlantic Ocean, you cannot tell where a person works by their footprint.

[Fraser shines flashlight onto a heelprint which reads “Hotel California”]

Kowalski: Oh.

[“Yukon Territory”]

[snowy valley; three men (Mounties) are lying dead in the snow; a fourth man (Buck Frobisher) retrieves a metal canister from the hand of one of them, then stands, farting]
Buck Frobisher: Gas. I have a pretty good idea which direction this wind is blowing. [to Mountie troop, covering their noses] Phone.

[they all offer their cell phones]

Buck Frobisher: No, a real phone, one with a dial. [farts]

[consulate/Buck Frobisher’s cabin]
Turnbull: Gas. You say you have gas, sir?
Buck Frobisher: A powerful gas. It could wipe out thousands, possibly even more.
Turnbull: I see. Do you have any idea as to the source of this gas?
Buck Frobisher: Russian, in origin. And there seem to be any number of clues, none of which I can recall at the moment, that indicate that they pose a dire threat to the city of Chicago.
Turnbull: Chicago?!

[Thatcher enters & listens intently to Turnbull’s side of the call]
Buck Frobisher: Get this straight, son, this is a lethal gas. This could wipe out big cities all across North America. [farts]
Turnbull: Have you considered consulting a physician, sir?
[Mountie troop protests, coughing & grumbling at the smell]
Buck Frobisher: Son, I think that you probably have been hit by the dumb stick. Would you put me on through to your superior, please.

Turnbull: Yes, sir. [hands phone to Thatcher, but stays, listening intently]
Thatcher: Inspector Thatcher.
Buck Frobisher: Inspector, one word: Diethylaminoethoxycyanophosphine oxide.
Thatcher: Oh my god.
Buck Frobisher: One milligram of that could kill a man.
Thatcher: Or a woman.
Buck Frobisher: Well, I don’t know what it would take to kill a woman, could be one, could be ten. But that’s not important. The important thing is, there’s a darker thread to this story, and it has all the telltale signs of Muldoon, one of the foulest scum who ever walked the earth...next to Howard Stern, that is. But it doesn’t make sense, ‘cause he’s been dead for thirty years.
Thatcher: Unfortunately, rumors of Muldoon’s death may have been greatly exaggerated.
Buck Frobisher: Ah, I see. And, uh... Constable Fraser. How is he taking this?
Thatcher: With his usual keenness. Why?
Buck Frobisher: Ah. Then he doesn’t know.
Thatcher: Know what?
Buck Frobisher: About Muldoon and his mother. I have half a mind to get down to Chicago and take a crack at Muldoon myself.

[Mounties stand up eagerly]

Buck Frobisher: But my detachment is green.

[the Mounties groan in disappointment]

Buck Frobisher: Better to have somebody up here at this end of the trail. [farts]

[Hotel California]
Hotel Manager: We do put the mark on the soles. It makes the boots part of a uniform, discourages theft. The only problem is, they became something of a collector’s item and everyone was stealing them.
Fraser: I see. And how many were size 16, double-wide?
Kowalski: How’d you know the size?
Fraser: Well, we saw the print, Ray.
Kowalski: [mutters] Saw the print...
Manager: One pair, size 16 double-wide.
Fraser: And they belonged to...?
Manager: Toe Blake.
Fraser: Toe Blake?
Manager: Mmm. Big Toe Blake is his full name. We had to let him go for stealing. Naturally, he stole his boots when he left.
Kowalski: Naturally.
Manager: Big guy, big toe. Big.
Kowalski: How big?

[street]
Fraser: Very big!

[a BIG man (Blake) throws Kowalski & Fraser together... Kowalski drops to the ground; Fraser hops onto Blake’s back]

Fraser: You know, Ray, it’s really a question of leverage. It’s not unlike bulldogging a steer!
Kowalski: [grabs Blake’s legs] Wrestling an elephant!

Blake: [grunts] Ahhh!

[Blake falls to his knees]

Kowalski: Hup, two, hup, two.

[they muscle Blake to the ground]

[27^th precinct]
Thatcher: For some time now, Ottawa has suspected that Russian military equipment was being smuggled through Canada for sale throughout the world. Naturally, headquarters wants it stopped immediately.
Welsh: Naturally.
Thatcher: This particular case that Sergeant Frobisher is working on involves poisonous gas. Which is quite dangerous, you know.
Welsh: Yeah, I’ve heard that about poisonous gas.
Thatcher: This particular gas, though, is a variant on Russian tabun, which is in fact diethylaminoethoxycyanophosphine oxide. Frobisher feels that the shipment is, in fact, large enough to basically obliterate several small cities. It’s really quite exciting.

[into Welsh’s office]
Welsh: Exciting?
Thatcher: Well, at the risk of sounding self-absorbed, a successful resolution to a case of this magnitude could provide me with a promotion, and a transfer to Toronto.
Francesca: You’re going to Toronto? That’s great! For you, of course. And you know, if there’s anything I can do to help, don’t hesitate to ask. I mean, a lift to the airport, anything.
Thatcher: Thank you. I appreciate that.
Francesca: So, I guess Fraze’ll be taking over for you then, right? Probably get a brand new income, maybe a big house, a bedroom--
Thatcher: Constable ‘Fraze’ is my second-in-command. He’s coming with me.

[ruckus starts in the bullpen]
Fraser: Huey!!
Kowalski: Dewey!!

[Huey, Dewey & Welsh go to help Kowalski & Fraser bring in Big Toe Blake]

Dewey: Hey-hey-hey-hey-hey! Hey! Hey, come on!
Huey: Come on!

Dewey: Move it!
Francesca: [puts arm around Thatcher] We have to talk.
Thatcher: You’re touching me.
Francesca: Oh. [removes her arm]

[interrogation room]
Blake: I’m like a cab. When a guy hires me to drive, I drive.
Dewey: And if the guy buys crates of nerve gas, that’s none of your business?

[observation room]

Francesca: Look at him. Incredible, isn’t he?
Thatcher: He’s huge. I’d say at least 400--
Francesca: No, not him. Fraser. Look at him.

[interrogation room]

Welsh: Nerve gas can kill thousands of people. You know how many years you’re gonna do for killing thousands of people?
Kowalski: You know how many times they can execute you?

[observation room]

Francesca: He was born on the tundra. I mean, that’s where he belongs. You’ll kill him if you take him to Toronto.
Thatcher: That’s a bit drastic, don’t you think?
Francesca: Look. I’ve been to Toronto, okay? Trust me. Nothing can survive there. Look at him. I mean *really* look at him.

[interrogation room]
Blake: He’s some out-of-town talent. I got hired to fare around, and I don’t know nothing about no gas.
Kowalski: Look, pal, you had better know *something* about him!
Blake: I picked him up at a hotel.
Welsh: Which hotel?
Blake: Where I used to work.
Kowalski: The California. Let’s go.

[Hotel California; Fraser & Kowalski stake out the bustling lobby; a man walks past Kowalski & heads toward the bank of elevators]
Kowalski: What?
Fraser: That man. I think I’ve seen him before.

[the elevator doors shut in Fraser’s face]

Fraser: All right. I’ll take the stairs.
Kowalski: Hang on. [tosses him the cell phone] Use the phone. I’ll call you the floors.

[Fraser starts running up the stairs; Kowalski goes to the nearby payphone & dials]

Kowalski: 5...6...7...11...12... Hear me?
Fraser: Clearly, Ray.
Kowalski: 14...15... You’re breathing kinda hard. [smirks] 20.

[Fraser abandons his Stetson on a doorknob]

Kowalski: 21...22....24! That’s it, Fraser, 24! I’m on my way.

[Fraser emerges from the stairwell in time to see the man enter a room]

[24^th floor; Kowalski arrives via elevator]
Fraser: [whispering] (Twenty-four-oh-nine.)
Kowalski: (You’re sure this is the guy? You barely saw him.)
Fraser: (Positive.)
[Kowalski knocks]

Kowalski: [falsetto voice] Housekeeping.

[Ray Vecchio opens the door]
Fraser: Ray!
Kowalski: Ray?
Fraser: Ray Vecchio!

[Vecchio tries to give them a look – “shut up, not now!”]

Kowalski: Ray Vecchio?

[Muldoon steps out of the bathroom]

Fraser: Oh dear.

[room 2409]

Muldoon: What’s going on here? I was under the impression I was gonna meet someone called Armando Langoustini from the Iguana family, southwest branch.
Vecchio: You are.
Muldoon: So who the hell is Ray Vecchio?
Vecchio: How the hell should I know?
Fraser: Perhaps I could explain.
Vecchio: Perhaps you should shut up.
Muldoon: Perhaps he should talk. [to Fraser] Don’t I know you?
Fraser: Not directly, no. I first came to Chicago on the trail of the killers of my--
Kowalski: Fraser, not now.
Muldoon: Fraser?
Vecchio: Who are you?
Kowalski: Who, me?
Vecchio: Yeah, you.
Kowalski: Uh, what do you mean?
Vecchio: What do they call you?
Kowalski: Who?
Vecchio: Am I still speaking English here, or what?!
Goon: Yes, boss, beautiful English.
Vecchio: [points his gun] What’s it gonna be, funny guy?
Kowalski: Oh, you mean my name.

[Vecchio smiles thinly & nods]

Kowalski: Oh, that. Here. [hands over his wallet]
Vecchio: Ray Vecchio, Chicago PD.

[everyone pulls their guns]
Muldoon: You bring cops to a meet?
Vecchio: It’s your room, pal.
Muldoon: They followed you in.
Vecchio: Meaning what.
Muldoon: Meaning, this whole set-up smelled from the get-go. [to Fraser] Who are you, buddy? I’ve seen you before.
Vecchio: Yeah. Dead guy. Get up.

[Fraser stands]

Vecchio: Let’s go, get up!

[Kowalski stands]

Vecchio: In the bathroom.

[Fraser, Kowalski & Vecchio go into the bathroom]

[**BANG** (thump) **BANG** (thump)]

[Vecchio reappears from the bathroom – alone – and shuts the door]

Vecchio: You want to play hardball with the Iguana family, you better have hard balls. You still in the game?
Muldoon: I’m always in the game. Okay. Back up location, 9 o’clock. Remember what I said before. I don’t wait. [exits]
Goon: Hey boss, you still got a little bit of blood, right... [points to his own jaw]
Vecchio: Yeah, all right. Clean up the bodies.

[the three goons go into the bathroom... a ruckus begins; Vecchio goes to the mirror & wipes off the blood]

Vecchio: [to himself] So long, Armando Langoustini. It’s been good knowing you. [pulls off his fake moustache]

[Fraser emerges from bathroom, rubbing his hand; Kowalski comes out a moment later, and kicks at a goon on the floor]

Vecchio: For a full year I am deep undercover, never waiting in line, always getting the best tables at the best restaurants. I live in a nine thousand square-foot adobe house at the edge of the desert, with a butler named Nero who brings me buttermilk night and day. [voice rising] And everywhere I go, I sit in the backseat of a black limo with my elbow on the gangster lean, and all this – all this! – you wipe out with one word?!
Fraser: It’s good to see you, Ray.
Vecchio: It’s good to see you too, Benny.

[they hug]
Kowalski: Oh, Benny. That’s cute.
Vecchio: You realize you could have got us all killed.
Fraser: Well, I’m sorry, it’s just...I was so pleasantly surprised to see you that I--
Vecchio: Said something completely stupid?
Fraser: Yes.
Vecchio: [chuckles; then into phone] Yeah, this is three-seventeen. I need a clean-up unit at twenty-four-oh-nine....Right. [hangs up; to Kowalski] So you’re me.
Kowalski: And you’re not you.
Vecchio: That’s a good one. Unlike the clothes.
Kowalski: Something wrong with ‘em?
Vecchio: Well, nothing, if you’re a...bag lady. You see, I had a rep. I was a slick dresser.
Kowalski: Oh yeah, yeah, like a, like a...a style pig, you mean.
Vecchio: [amused] You kill me, funny guy. I see it’s gonna take a lot of work to get my reputation back in place.
Kowalski: What place was that?
Vecchio: Well you see, these three goons are gonna get one call each. They’re gonna call Vegas. And when they do, Armando Langoustini is gonna go up like flash paper. Time to get my old life back.
Kowalski: But that’s my life.
Vecchio: I’m afraid it is. [to Fraser] What are you grinning about?
Fraser: I knew you two would hit it off!

[27^th precinct; Welsh’s office]
Vecchio: Muldoon has weaponry for sale and a buyer, he just needs somebody to broker the deal. So the ATF places two agents – a Calil and a Cartwright. Muldoon makes the agents and kills ‘em both, so the ATF suspects an inside leak. They turn to the FBI who turns to me, Armando Langoustini. The Mob brokers the deal.
Welsh: And how does the deal work?
Vecchio: Two stages. The first was the nerve gas that you stumbled upon. And all we know about the second is that it’s big and it’s scary.
Welsh: And who’s the buyer?
Vecchio: Again, don’t know. Very cagey, very secret. The basic idea was that I would broker the deal, and then we’d nail Muldoon and the buyer.
Huey: Which doesn’t work out--
Dewey: Because Fraser and Ray show up and blow the whole thing right out of the water.
Huey: Bada tshhh.
Welsh: So what now?
Vecchio: The meet with Muldoon is set for 9. My cover should hold ‘til then. That’s our window.
Welsh: All right. We’ve got to move. Huey and Dewey, you run down everything on the location, the whole layout, all right? Francesca, pull everything on Muldoon. Any possible connection. Fraser, you run it from your end. All right? We got six hours. Let’s use them. Oh, Ray.
Vecchio & Kowalski: Yeah?
Welsh: No. I mean... Oh, I can see this is gonna be confusing, huh? Look. [points to Vecchio] You be Ray Vecchio, ‘cause you were Ray Vecchio to start with.
Vecchio: Right.
Kowalski: And, uh, who am I?
Welsh: Good question. You can be Stanley Kowalski.
Vecchio: Stanley Kowalski?
Welsh: His father had a big thing for Marlon Brando.
Kowalski: So, um, I just, uh... Okay.
Vecchio: Later, Stanley. [to Welsh] Sir.

[27^th precinct; alcove]
Francesca: What do you, um... What do you think of me?
Fraser: What do I think of you?
Francesca: Okay.
Fraser: I’m not sure what it is you’re asking me.
[pause]

Francesca: Well. I guess that pretty much sums up what you think of me. [walks away, then returns] It’s just-it’s just um... When I-when I think of the sheer hours of female tonnage that I have put into this relationship, you know... The, uh, the dedication and...and the *patience*...and the night heart-to-heart talks... even if you weren’t there. I just kind of...I just kind of hoped, or thought...that...that you would tell me.
Fraser: I’m sorry, Francesca, tell you what?
Francesca: That you’re going home.

[consulate, Thatcher’s office]
Fraser: We’re going home, sir?
[Thatcher is checking binoculars (she’s dressed in red serge)]

Thatcher: If we’re present for the capture of Muldoon, we could virtually guarantee ourselves a transfer. By the way, what is the connection between your mother and Muldoon?
Fraser: Don’t you mean my father and Muldoon?
Thatcher: Oh, I was quite sure that Frobisher said your mother, but as I understand it, he’s been having some digestive problems, so... Do you ever think about it, Fraser?
Fraser: Digestive problems?
Thatcher: Home.
Fraser: Oh, home. Yes.
Thatcher: As do I. The air, the shopping, the café lattés. I miss Toronto like you’d miss an old boyfriend you’d discarded.
Fraser: Toronto, sir. I’m sorry, it’s just the when you say home, well, I...well, I tend to think a little further north.
Thatcher: Oh.

[27^th precinct; Vecchio is moving papers around ‘his’ desk, muttering]
Kowalski: What the hell do you think you’re doing?
Vecchio: How can you work in this mess?
Kowalski: No worse than the piles of crap *you* left all over the place.
Vecchio: Yeah, well, my piles of crap were organized.
Kowalski: My mess is organized.
Vecchio: Well, why don’t you just organize it someplace else?!
Kowalski: Okay. [throws papers violently] Is that good?
Vecchio: You got a problem?
Kowalski: Maybe. Just maybe I don’t like the way you’re sashaying around, trying to take over everything.
Vecchio: [dangerously quiet] This is my desk, it’s my life, now you get over it.
Kowalski: Well, you get over this!

[they scuffle... Frannie steps between them]
Francesca: Okay! Okay! All right, back off, Kowalski. That’s my brother you’re talking to, so just stay out of his face. [to Vecchio] And you! They give you testosterone shots in the Mob, or what? [pause] Work! [exits]
Vecchio: Listen. I, uh--
Kowalski: Hey. Forget about it. [sigh] It’s just, uh, you know, so sudden. I mean... Look, I knew you were coming back, I just didn’t...think it would be, uh...so soon, so--
Vecchio: I know. I mean it feels like you died and you didn’t get everything done.

Kowalski: [nods] Yeah.

Vecchio: You know, that’s how I felt when I walked outta here.

[Kowalski begins to pick up papers]
Kowalski: How’s Vegas been?
Vecchio: Undercover’s lonely. [begins to help clean up]
Kowalski: That it is.
Vecchio: Well, you got Fraser.
[pause]

[they both laugh]

Kowalski: Right.

[consulate; Fraser’s office]

[Dief barks]

Fraser: No, I haven’t spoken to my father recently. Why?

[Dief grumbles]

Fraser: Diefenbaker, silence in and of itself is not cause for suspicion. But if you feel that something is truly afoot, you simply have to get up, open the door, and--

[Fraser opens the closet door: Robert Fraser is sitting stoically in his office; Fraser enters]

[Robert Fraser’s (now unfurnished) office]
Fraser: Dad, why’ve-Why have you, uh...Why-Wh...
Robert Fraser: Finish your sentence, son. An incomplete sentence is an early indicator of a softening mind.
Fraser: You were going to leave without telling me?

[pause]

Fraser: What else haven’t you told me?
Robert Fraser: About what specifically?
Fraser: Holloway Muldoon.
Robert Fraser: Someone’s been talking out of turn.
Fraser: Your diaries. Buck Frobisher.
Robert Fraser: I’ve hidden some things from you, son, for your own good. Muldoon was one of them. I want you to believe me when I say the man was truly evil. I just didn’t see it. I trusted him. I invited him into our home. I called him my friend. By the time I caught up with him...I wasn’t thinking.
Fraser: So he didn’t fall into Six Mile Canyon, did he?
Robert Fraser: [shakes head] I killed him. Well, I tried to, anyway. I imagine that’s why I’m still here. To try and make up for it in some way.

[music: instrumental variation on ‘Northwest Passage’ by Stan Rogers]
Fraser: But where are you going now?
Robert Fraser: To tend to something I should have tended to a long time ago. I’ll come back. Until I do, stay alert. And get Muldoon, for me. And for your mother.

[he kicks down the cabin wall, which opens onto a snowy, mountainous vista]

Robert Fraser: And Benton, don’t make my mistake. Do it right. [exits, walking right over the wall & out into the snow]

[parking garage, stakeout]

[car 1]
Vecchio: You know, Benny? The desert’s okay, and Nero does up a great buttermilk. But this is the stuff I miss.
Fraser: Like old times, huh?
Vecchio: Yeah. You remember that time you locked us in that vault?
Fraser: [chuckles] Yeah, and the water kept rising until we almost drowned?
Vecchio: Yeah. [pause] You know what I just said about missing all this?
Fraser: Mm-hmm?
Vecchio: Forget I ever said it.
Fraser: Understood.

[Vecchio puts on his fake moustache]

[car 2]
Kowalski: You ever feel like, uh, you don’t know who you are? Like if you weren’t around somebody, or...that somebody wasn’t around you, that you wouldn’t be you? Or at least not the you that you think you are? You ever...ever feel like that?
Thatcher: Never.
[pause]

Kowalski: [sniff] Me neither.

[car 1]
Vecchio: Wish me luck.
Fraser: You don’t need it.

[Vecchio exits]

[car 3]
Dewey: What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Huey: What?
Dewey: Fshhh!

Huey: Bdedededededededuh tshhh! (drumroll)
Welsh: What are you doing?!
Huey: We’re practicing.
Welsh: For what? To pass yourself off as two guys with serious head wounds?
Dewey: No, The One Liner. We finally got the club. We’re gonna open up a comedy club!
Huey: Yeah.
Welsh: Oh God. God help us all.

[Muldoon arrives with very large gang; they meet Vecchio in the middle of the parking lot]
[ATF & FBI arrive, sirens blaring]

Agent: Hold it, Muldoon, hold it!!

Muldoon: Feds!
Welsh: [car 3] Damn!
Kowalski: [car 2] Damn!
Fraser: [car 1] Darn!

[exchange of gunfire; one agent is shot down as Muldoon’s gang retreats]

[snowy expanse; Fraser’s mother’s grave (the monument is an Inukshuk with her picture)]
Robert Fraser: I’m not sure what I’m looking for. Forgiveness, maybe? And I know I should have come here when I was alive. I was too apprehensive. Now I’m dead. But of course there’s nothing preventing you from showing up here, Caroline. It’s not as though we’re not in the same place. At least I hope we still are. I miss you. And I worry about our son. I worry that I haven’t told him...not everything. And now he’ll find out on his own. I hope he’s all right.

[parking garage; Muldoon’s gang is retreating, firing their weapons]
Kowalski: Fraser! [motions him to follow the gang around the side]
Welsh: What are you guys doing here?!
Agent Maddox: Looking for our guy.
Welsh: That guy was our guy way before he was your guy!

[gang & cops exchange more gunfire]

[corridor; Fraser & Kowalski cautiously advance]
Vecchio: [suddenly appearing] Where’d they go?
Kowalski: Ahh! [swings around pointing his gun]
Vecchio: Jumpy.
Thatcher: [suddenly appearing] It’s this place.
Vecchio: Hey!
Kowalski: Jumpy.
Fraser: The corridor branches off.
[they advance; Kowalski peeks around a corner... the gang shoots, Kowalski returns fire, but the gang escapes]

[parking garage]

[gang & cops continue to shoot at each other]
Welsh: Give it up!
Agent Lachlan: You haven’t got a chance!

[gang ceases fire & comes out with their hands up]

Agent Lachlan: It’s our bust!
Welsh: In a pig’s eye!
Agent Maddox: *Our* guy set up the meet.
Welsh: He’s *our* guy, and you nearly got him killed!

[stairwell; Muldoon’s gang exits, and Muldoon continues up the stairs]
Vecchio & Kowalski: They split up. We’ll take these guys.
[Kowalski & Vecchio follow the gang]
Fraser: Muldoon’s this way, sir.
[Fraser & Thatcher follow Muldoon up the stairs, into a darkened corridor; Muldoon fires & they take cover]

[another darkened corridor; the gang opens fire, and Vecchio & Kowalski take cover]
Vecchio: You’re shooting – your aim is lousy!
Kowalski: I need my glasses.
Vecchio: Forget it. Let’s go.

[they emerge & begin firing; the gang retreats]

[corridor; Muldoon continues to fire at Thatcher & Fraser, but runs out of bullets]
Muldoon: Damn! [runs upstairs]
Thatcher: We don’t have to go, you know.
Fraser: Up these stairs, sir?
Thatcher: No. To Toronto. I-I mean, if you-if you don’t... We could go somewhere else.
Fraser: Understood. Shall we?
Thatcher: Yes.

[up they go, following Muldoon down a corridor]

[mall lobby & fairground; Muldoon emerges from a grate... he grabs a man out of a Ferris wheel car & throws him out]
Muldoon: Get outta here!
Child: Dad! Dad! Dad! Daddy! Ahhh!
[Muldoon gets into the car, then grabs the child & throws him out]

[Thatcher & Fraser emerge from the grate; Kowalski & Vecchio emerge from a train tunnel]

[Thatcher & Fraser climb onto the Ferris wheel]

[shots ring out & everyone takes cover; Vecchio & Kowalski return fire, then hide behind a fake rock wall, standing in the water]
Vecchio: How’s those glasses coming?
Kowalski: I got ‘em. They were stuck in the lining of my coat.

[Kowalski puts on his specs; he leaps out, shooting, and levels a goon, who collapses onto the still-moving train ride]

[Ferris wheel]
Fraser: Surrender, Muldoon. Your ammunition is spent. You have nowhere to go.
Muldoon: I still have this nerve gas, Benton!
Fraser: You recognize me?
Muldoon: Something twigged in that hotel room. Made me think of your father. And you know what? He didn’t get me, and I don’t believe you will, either!
Fraser: You know, I’ll never give up.
Muldoon: Well, that would make *two* members of your family that I’ve killed, then. Oh, your father didn’t tell ya? Ha! That’s negligent parenting, that is. Your father wanted to arrest me, but I had this shotgun? An ugly affair, passed down from an uncle. Ha ha. Your mother was a pretty woman, Benton, but when I shot her, she dropped like a big old sack of potatoes.

[waterfall; gunfire continues, and Vecchio & Kowalski duck behind another wall]
Vecchio: Nice shot.
Kowalski: Thanks.
Vecchio: Go!
Kowalski: Huh?
Vecchio: You want me to go?
Kowalski: No, no I can go.

Vecchio: All right, GO!

[they both stand up shooting, Kowalski goes over the wall first; the gang retreats]

[Ferris wheel]
Muldoon: Sixty seconds. You got sixty seconds, and then the nerve gas blows.

[he sets the bomb ticking, then climbs off the ride...Thatcher and Fraser climb toward the bomb]

[aisle; Muldoon & gang run, trying to escape]

Muldoon: [to goon] Give me your gun, give it to me!

[goon hands it over, and they split up... Vecchio & Kowalski follow]
Vecchio: How the hell did we ever work this with Fraser?
Kowalski: Don’t know. Go.

[they split up]

[Ferris wheel; Fraser & Thatcher cling to the frame]
Fraser: We’re gonna to have to bridge this contact and cut these two wires while upside down.
Thatcher: 35 seconds! Let’s synchronize our breathing.

Fraser: Right.

[they do]
Fraser: Ready?

[she nods]

Fraser: [breathes] One...

[Vecchio sees Muldoon pointing a gun]
Thatcher: Two...

[Muldoon takes aim at Fraser]
Fraser: Three.
[they cut the wires]

[Vecchio runs... Muldoon shoots... Vecchio intercepts the bullet... Muldoon runs... Vecchio collapses to the floor... Fraser sees, and is stunned, horrified]

[hospital, corridor. Music: ‘Full of Grace’ by Sarah McLachlan]

[Frannie emerges from a room]
Francesca: [tearful] Uh... They don’t really know whether, um... I mean, it’s still, it’s still in him, so, uh... You can go in and see him if you want, but he’s still out.
Fraser: Francesca. [clears throat] I’ve been thinking about what you said about our, uh... And I, uh...I know that I don’t often say, um... I mean, I’m not particularly skilled at expressing--
Kowalski: Frannie, he likes you.
Francesca: I know.
Fraser: I’m glad.

[Frannie exits; Fraser goes into the room]

[hospital room; Vecchio is unconscious]
Robert Fraser: So you found out, son.
Fraser: Why didn’t you tell me?
Robert Fraser: It seems misguided now, but you were so young at the time, just a young boy. I was full of rage. I didn’t want to pass that to you. I wanted to protect you.
Fraser: He killed my mother. I would have done the same as you.
Robert Fraser: I hope not, Benton. I hope you never get a chance to find out.
Vecchio: Still talking to yourself, Benny?
Fraser: Ray!
Vecchio: It’s just a flesh wound. You know, I’ve been waiting all my life to say that. It’s not as much fun as I thought it would be... Just like old times, huh?
Fraser: Unhappily, yes.
Vecchio: Do you Mounties still always get your man?
Fraser: We try to.
Vecchio: Go get him, Benny.

[hospital corridor; Kowalski’s cell phone rings]
Kowalski: [answering] Yeah....Yeah.

[Fraser comes out of room]

Kowalski: For you. [hands phone to Fraser]
Fraser: Ah. Yes?...I see...Right. Thank you kindly. [hangs up] That was Constable Turnbull. Frobisher has questioned some of Muldoon’s known associates, and apparently whenever he’s in this vicinity, he uses a small airstrip known as Trumble Field.
[pause]

Kowalski: So. What, we still partners?
Fraser: If you’ll have me.

[pause]

Kowalski: Mmm. [cocks his head & they both exit]

[municipal airport; plane]
Muldoon: [voice] Chicago ground control, Whiskey Tango Bravo one niner, requesting taxi clearance for runway three.
[loud thump]
Muldoon: What the hell was that?
Goon: Metal fatigue.
[the plane taxis & takes off]

[plane wing; Fraser & Kowalski hang on for dear life]
Fraser: Are you all right?
Kowalski: You know, Fraser, being your partner has certain drawbacks!

Fraser: Such as?

Part 2

[Fraser & Kowalski climb into the plane and shut the door]

Kowalski: Not bad, Fraser, not—

[goons appear, pointing guns]

Kowalski: --Good. Not good at all.

Muldoon: Benton Fraser.

[goons begin to tie up Fraser & Kowalski]

Muldoon: You’re getting to be damn near as irritating as your father was. [to goon] Throw them out when we’re over the ice fields. They’ll be lost forever.

Kowalski: Ice field, what the hell is an ice field?!

Fraser: A field of ice.

Robert Fraser: The Yank tends to miss the obvious, doesn’t he?

Fraser: Sometimes.

Kowalski: Sometimes, w-what is it the rest of the time?

Fraser: Well, it would still be a field of ice.

Goon #1: Both of you. Just. Shut. Up.

[Fraser & Kowalski get punched in the gut, and they fall to the floor]

Robert Fraser: Lord, he’s rude!

[he tries to hit Goon #1 with butt of his pistol, with no success (well, it’s imaginary!), though the goon does reach up & scratch his head]

Robert Fraser: Why do villains have such hard heads?

[27^th precinct, bullpen; cops are assembled]
Welsh: All right. We got a major smuggler who deals in dangerous weapons. We have an unknown buyer and an unknown objective. Okay? Keep your ears to the ground and work your snitches. Let’s remember, we got two missing officers out there. So there’ll be no vacations, there’ll be no leaves--
Francesca: And no sleep for anybody. Which means we work 24 hours a day, 8 days a week, which comes out to exactly 11,520 minutes every week. We’re gonna break out the plastic hoses on this one, guys. [shines a lamp right in Dewey’s face] We want these suspects sweating between the ears! We...

[she finally notices that Welsh is waiting, giving her a look]

Francesca: The floor is yours, Harding.
Welsh: All right, let’s get to work! Huey, Dewey, you talk to the guy we picked up at Olcott Trucking. [to Frannie] Any word on your brother?
Francesca: Well, they moved him onto another ward, but he’s still got a bullet in him.
Welsh: Lucky guy.
Francesca: He’s still got a bullet in him!
Welsh: But it didn’t kill him, did it? That was a golden bullet. The world’s his oyster now. He can retire at full pay, do anything he wants to do.
Vecchio: Any word from ‘em? [entering, slooowly]
Francesca: Ray!

Welsh: Vecchio!

[inside the plane]
Kowalski: We’re in trouble aren’t we, Fraser?
Fraser: Well...
Robert Fraser: [trying to brain the other goons] Throw him a bone, son, something encouraging.
Fraser: Yes, we are in big trouble.
Robert Fraser: That’s encouraging?
[Fraser unties himself]
Kowalski: [whispering] (What are you doing? What are you doing?? Do mine, do mine, do mine!)
Fraser: (All in good time. First of all, we need to determine what this aircraft’s destination is.)
Kowalski: (We already know that, Fraser. Death. The destination is death. Now, do mine. Come on!)
Fraser: (Can I borrow your chewing gum?)
Kowalski: (Why?)
Fraser: (I’m gonna stick it in my ear. Please.)
[Kowalski spits out gum into Fraser’s hand]
Kowalski: (Look, I don’t get you. We’re about to get tossed out of a plane and you’re making some arts and crafts, wire-sculpture-type-thing.)
Fraser: (No, no, no. What I’m gonna attempt to do is to plug into the satellite uplink, hopefully intercept some of the binary information from the airplane’s communication system.)
Kowalski: (With wire and gum?)
[Fraser attaches the wire to the plane’s hull, then places the wire in his ear: there are sounds of a modem connecting, and Fraser’s eyes cross & flicker]
Fraser: [dismantling his contraption] (We’re in luck! Muldoon was in the process of organizing a rendezvous. My guess is it’s connected to the second stage of his plans.)
Kowalski: (How’d you get that from a piece of wire and some gum?)
Fraser: (That’s not important. What is important is we now have the coordinates for the rendezvous: 70 degrees north by 125 degrees west. If memory serves, that’s Franklin Bay.)
Kowalski: (That’s not important. What is important is, Fraser, we’re gonna get tossed out of the plane onto an ice field.)
Fraser: (Well, that too, yeah. But, rest easy. I have no doubt that Inspector Thatcher is organizing a rescue party, e’en as we speak.)

[consulate]
Thatcher: The car is ready and the flight leaves in exactly 72 minutes.
Turnbull: Uh... Sir, I’m nervous. You see, I’ve never flown before, and quite frankly, I’ve never been more than ten stories off the ground. This airline you’ve chosen. Is it reputable?

[Thatcher piles luggage into Turnbull’s arms]

Thatcher: Rest easy, Constable. It’s the only airline that matters.

[‘Air Canada’ plane (in flight)]
Flight Attendant: [voice] Chicken? Fish? Full body massage?
Turnbull: [voice] You’re absolutely right, sir. No other way to go.

[27^th precinct; interrogation room]
Vecchio: Hey Jerry. Did you ever hear of the Iguana family?
Jerry: Yeah.
Vecchio: How about a guy by the name of Armando Langoustini?
Jerry: The Bookman? Of course! I mean, in my line of work, that’s a guy you look up to. I mean, he’d kill you for a parking spot.
Vecchio: And what would you think about a guy who got on the wrong side of Armando Langoustini?
Jerry: [amused] I’d say the guy’s pretty stupid.

[Vecchio tosses his driver’s license onto the table]

Jerry: You’re...the Bookman?
Huey: Mm-hmm.
Jerry: You mean I’m--
Huey: Yep.
Jerry: [nervously] Okay. Muldoon met this guy a couple of times. The buyer.
Vecchio: Gimme a name.
Jerry: I’m bad with names.

[collective disappointed sigh]

Jerry: Wait, wait, wait. He had like a code... A code name. One seven, F-O-C, seven six.

[inside the plane]
Kowalski: I think I can take ‘em.
Fraser: Ray, patience.
Kowalski: Look, this is no time for patience. Look, all I gotta do is draw ‘em a little closer.

Fraser: Ray!
Kowalski: It’s okay. Don’t sweat it, don’t sweat it. I’m gonna do it your way, okay?
Fraser: All right.
[they both stand up]

Kowalski: Excuse me. Henchmen. Uh, it would be very much...appreciated if you were to throw down your weapons of mass destruction and surrender yourselves to my partner and myself.

[Goon #1 gives him a look & shakes his head]

Kowalski: Okay. Dolphin boy. [lunges at Goon #1, trying to shoulder him to death; Goon slaps Kowalski]
Goon #1: He always like this?
Fraser: Well, I’m sorry, he’s somewhat impulsive, and I think that actually what he wanted to say-- Ray?
[suddenly they headbutt the two goons]

Robert Fraser: Four to go!
Fraser: Dolphin Boy?

[Fraser & Kowalski push a large crate in front of the cockpit door]
Kowalski: This isn’t going to hold ‘em for long. Remind me, Fraser, is there some sorta thing about shooting a gun off in a plane?
Fraser: Well, it depends on the altitude. If you’re up high enough, any puncture in the airplane’s skin could cause a massive depressurization, and... Well, just imagine that you were, say, a bowling ball being sucked through forty yards of garden hose.

[27^th precinct]
Huey: [saying as he writes] 1-7-F-O-C-7-6. Foh... Fock!
Dewey: Hey! Watch how you pronounce that! It may not fly on television.

Huey: Bada tshh!
Welsh: We’re getting nowhere fast here.
Francesca: We gotta be on the wrong track.
Vecchio: Track? Track...Train.
Huey: What train?
Vecchio: Train track. Train! Train! Look, I got it! 1-7-7-6. Seventeen-seventy-six, the war of independence. F-O-C, the Fathers of Confederation. We’ve tangled with these clowns before.
Welsh: Yeah, but the Bolt brothers are both doing life in the federal pen.
Vecchio: Well, then let’s run down all their visitors. Who came, when they came, where they went.

[prison; visitor’s booth]
Randall Bolt: An extended family is a good thing. Isn’t it, Cyrus?
Cyrus Bolt: Yes it is, Cousin Randall. It is, indeed.

[27^th precinct]
Francesca: One visitor in the last month. Cyrus Bolt. Cousin on his father’s side, right out of Idaho.
Welsh: We got his whereabouts?
Dewey: ATF crime data has Cyrus Bolt checked into the Meridien two weeks ago. He hasn’t checked out.
Welsh: Pick him up.

[inside the plane]
Kowalski: You got a plan? [trying desperately to hold the crate against cockpit door]
Fraser: You bet I do. We’re gonna jump.

Robert Fraser: You’re not gonna cut and run, son?!
Kowalski: Out of the airplane??
Fraser: Well, it’s either that, or they shoot us.
Robert Fraser: It happened to me. It’s not so bad.
Fraser: This stuff ought to keep us warm. [tosses supplies into another crate]

Kowalski: All right.

Muldoon: [voice] Get that damn door open!
Kowalski: Toss me a parachute! [holds out his arms]

Fraser: Well, you know, that’s the really exciting part of this plan, Ray. There are no parachutes.

[Kowalski’s face falls]

Muldoon: Open that damn door!
Fraser: The snow is bottomless, so it should be... Well, it should be like falling into a duvet!
Kowalski: Yeah, I’m gonna take my chances here.
Muldoon: Blow it off its goddamn hinges! [shoots]

[Kowalski returns fire & empties the clip; Fraser pushes the supply crate out the door]
Fraser: Ray, look: turtles!
Kowalski: Turtles?

[Fraser pushes him out of the plane]

Kowalski: Aaaaaahhhhhhh!
Fraser: See you at the rendezvous, gentlemen!

[he jumps out of the plane just as Muldoon emerges from the cockpit]
Muldoon: [voice] See you in hell, Benton!! [echoes]

[**Splat** **Splat**]

[snow-covered field; there are two body-shaped holes in the snow (Kowalski’s is in mid-run, Fraser’s is a perfect parade rest position – even wearing the Stetson!)]
Fraser: [voice] Ray? You all right?
Kowalski: [voice] I’m under thirty feet of snow. How could that be all right?
Fraser: [voice] Well, you’re alive. Start digging.
[Kowalski fights his way free of the snow (with half of it still stuck to him), and staggers to Fraser, who is perfectly neat & tidy, and grinning widely]
Kowalski: You break something in your face?
Fraser: Not that I’m aware of.
Kowalski: Look, we’re a hundred miles from nowhere, on a frozen wasteland, and you’re grinning like an idiot.
Fraser: I’m home.

<Doo Mah>

[27^th precinct; Welsh’s office]
Cyrus Bolt: You ever hear of the United States Constitution, second amendment?
Welsh: “A well-regulated militia being necessary for the security of the free state. The rights of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed.”
Cyrus Bolt: Now you drag me in here to answer to your nancy-boy laws, just because I happen to have a couple of guns.
Vecchio: A couple of guns, huh? How about 600 grenade launchers, 1100 assault rifles, 450 flame throwers, and an unknown number of small arms.
Cyrus Bolt: So I’m a sportsman.
Lawyer: And a licensed arms dealer with a well-regulated militia. All perfectly legal.
Vecchio: A well-regulated militia? How about a bunch of losers running through the woods with enough firepower to flatten the Sears Tower?
Cyrus Bolt: You ever see a maggot crushed?!
Welsh: I’ll crush you, you mush mouth!!

[they scuffle, and are separated]

Welsh: Book him, book him!
Lawyer: I’ll talk to a judge. You’ll be out in no time!

Cyrus Bolt: Take your hands off me!! Nobody calls me ‘mush mouth’! Not even my mama! [continues to yell & struggle]
Welsh: You know, Ray, when sometimes, somebody gets lost in the system, even their lawyers can’t find ‘em for a few days?
Vecchio: Human tragedy, sir.
Welsh: Yeah.
Cyrus Bolt: [voice] I’m gonna kick your butt from here to Cincinnati!

[snow-covered field]
Kowalski: Fraser, I’m not up to this. My idea of health is a cup of coffee without sugar. I’m not fit. I mean, I’m fit, I’m city fit, I’m just not snowshoe fit.

[Fraser drags a huge crate behind him... Kowalski is struggling to stay upright]

Robert Fraser: Gotta keep going, son.
Fraser: Gotta keep going, Ray.
Robert Fraser: Track the weasel to his lair.
Fraser: Muldoon’s rendezvous is two days from now. We take a direct route, we should be able to intercept him.
Kowalski: Hang on a second, hang on. Two days from here?!

(Kowalski: Hang on a minute, hang on a minute. Two days from here?!)
Fraser: That’s right. So. Lean forward, heels up, weight on your toes...

[Kowalski falls on his face]

Fraser: And away we go.

(Fraser: That’s right. So. Weight forward, heels up, place it on your toes, and away we go.

[Kowalski trips over his snowshoes, and Fraser keeps going])
Kowalski: Where are we gonna sleep?
Robert Fraser: Sleep?? When I went after Muldoon I went full out, eight days and eight nights! I slept on my feet!!

[“R.C.M.P. Detachment, Old Crow, Yukon Territory”]

[snow-covered cabin; a dog sled arrives]
Turnbull: Was that not exciting or what, sir?
Thatcher: Worst four hours of my life.

[Turnbull carries Thatcher stiffly in front of him]

Turnbull: Here we go. [bumps her into the door frame] Sorry, sir.

[Thatcher groans]

Buck Frobisher: Meg Thatcher! Perfect timing. Just firing up a moose hock here wrapped in wild boar tongue, smothered with gorgonzola cheese. [chuckles]
Thatcher: [chuckles falsely] Delightful. Buck Frobisher, this is Constable Turnbull. Turnbull, Buck Frobisher.
Buck Frobisher: Turnbull, good to see you.

[Buck offers hand to shake – it’s on fire! They panic slightly as they pat out the flames]

[pause]
Thatcher: So Buck, you only have dog sleds here, no snowmobiles?
Buck Frobisher: Snowmobiles take gas, Inspector.
Turnbull: I thought you had gas, sir.
Buck Frobisher: Oh, we have plenty of gas, son, just why waste it? Just throw down some tallow for the dogs, and they run forever.

[Dief woofs softly]

Buck Frobisher: Dief? Throw some tallow down for the dog, will you?
Turnbull: Speaking of tallow, sir, I’ve got a half a mind to strap on the old feedbag, myself.
Thatcher: Yes, Turnbull, you do have half a mind. What I need is a good hot bath.
Buck Frobisher: Well, nothing in the way of a bath here. Never felt the need for it myself. So the people who do just go outside and roll around in the snow. [offers platter] Burnt or well done?

[campsite; night]
Kowalski: Fraser, you ever get the feeling that, uh, you know, you’re lost?
Fraser: No. A quick look to the stars or the sun, you can always find your location.
Kowalski: No, I don’t mean where you are. I mean who you are.
Fraser: Oh. When I first came to Chicago, I felt as though I was from another planet.
Kowalski: Which you are.
Fraser: Which I’ve come to accept. Everything was unknown, and at times it was frightening. And I felt as though I was an explorer. An urban explorer.
Kowalski: Urban explorer...
Fraser: I remember one time, we were on a stakeout, and I was trying to explain the sense of otherworldliness to the detectives. And I was telling them the story of Sir John Franklin, who set out to discover the Northwest Passage. But I realized as I was telling the story that they’d all fallen a-- [realizes that Kowalski is sleeping]
Robert Fraser: The Yank won’t survive this, son. You might have to, you know, leave him in the snow.
Fraser: Do you ever listen to yourself, to what you’re actually saying?!
Robert Fraser: I know, I can’t help it! Muldoon is tearing at me. I can’t sleep, can’t eat.
Fraser: You can’t sleep or eat because you’re dead. You’re also very pale. I can practically see through you.
Robert Fraser: [checks hand] Oh. Trick of the Northern Lights. Find him. After we sleep, we need sleep, I know. Except me, of course.

[27^th precinct; interrogation room]
Cyrus Bolt: Nobody locks up Cyrus Bolt and lives to see their grandchildren!
Vecchio: Yeah, well, it’s a big building with a big system. Mistakes happen.

[knock knock; Stella Kowalski enters]
Stella: This is Mr. Bolt’s release order.
Cyrus Bolt: Ha!
Lawyer: Mr. Bolt!
Cyrus Bolt: Step aside, you ineffectual piss-ant!
Welsh: Just what is this big deal you got cooking?
Cyrus Bolt: Bigger than you have the capacity to imagine! [exits]

[lawyers exit]
Welsh: Oh, I want somebody on this guy day and night.
Dewey: I got the days. [exits]
Huey: I got the nights. Ba dum. <cymbal crash> [exits]

[Welsh exits]
[Stella goes to leave but Vecchio closes the door]
Vecchio: I’m sorry, I don’t think I’ve had the pleasure.
Stella: Stella. Stella Kowalski.
Vecchio: Ray Vecchio. The real Ray Vecchio.

[snow-covered hill; Kowalski is struggling mightily to reach the top that Fraser has achieved easily; the huge crate is now a pack on Fraser’s back]
Kowalski: Fraser, can we take a nap?
Fraser: Soon, Ray.
Kowalski: Soon when?
Fraser: As soon as we get over that. [points to a BIG mountain]

[snow-covered mountainside]
Fraser: Just relax, Ray.
Kowalski: I can’t.
Fraser: Just look above you.
Kowalski: I can’t.
Fraser: One hand after another.
Kowalski: I can’t! [slips] Aaahhh!
Fraser: I got you! I got you! I got you.
Kowalski: Jeez, you know, easier on my underwear.

[municipal airport; Cyrus Bolt arrives & gets onto a plane (hiding a pistol in his jacket); Huey & Dewey arrive... Dewey stops the car abruptly, and there is a clunk and the sound of a hubcap rolling away]
Huey: Ow. [holds his neck & dials cell phone]

[cabin; the phone rings]
Buck Frobisher: [answering] Hello?
Welsh: [shouting] Inspector Thatcher.
Buck Frobisher: She’s up to her beautiful neck in hot water.

[behind a curtain, Thatcher sits in a makeshift tub scrubbing her back; Turnbull is standing there, blindfolded, holding her accoutrements; everyone but Buck is VERY interested in what’s going on behind that curtain]
Welsh: We’ve been tracking Cyrus Bolt. He just took off for Tuktoyaktuk. We think he’s in route for a meeting with Muldoon, destination unknown. Could you pass that on to her?
Buck Frobisher: Will do.
Thatcher: Turnbull, I need a towel. [rises out of the water]

Buck Frobisher: Inspect--
[Turnbull opens curtain]

[Thatcher screams & ducks into the water]

[Mounties all whoop & catcall excitedly (Turnbull, still blindfolded, doesn’t get it); Buck stops them with a look and closes the curtain]

[mountainside, night; hammocks have been affixed to the rock, and Kowalski sits with his legs hanging over, swinging]
Kowalski: Ha-ha-ha, I like this, Fraser! This reminds me of a swing set I had when I was a kid.
Fraser: Ray.
Kowalski: Whee!
Fraser: Ray.
Kowalski: Whee!
Fraser: Ray. Ray.
Kowalski: Whee!
Fraser: Ray! [thumps Kowalski on the head]
Robert Fraser: Hypothermia, son?
Fraser: Possibly. Put your legs in the hammock. It’s time to go to sleep. Here, wrap up.
Kowalski: Anything you say, Fraser, buddy, buddy, calamari.
Robert Fraser: Is the Yank going to make it?
Kowalski: Chickie, chickie... Oh Lord.
Fraser: I don’t know.
Kowalski: My ass is numb.
Fraser: I don’t know.
Kowalski: Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name; thy kingdom come, thy will...shall be done, on earth as it is in heaven...

[mountainside, morning; Fraser awakens]
Fraser: Ray. Ray. Ray!

[Kowalski is motionless, face icy]

Fraser: Oh dear.

[cabin; the phone rings]
Buck Frobisher: [answering] Frobisher here.
Welsh: [yelling] Inspector Thatcher?
Buck Frobisher: She’s up to her pretty neck in Mounties. [Buck (in red serge), Thatcher (sans tunic), and Turnbull (in serge, holding a stuffed wolf) are all in a bed]
Buck Frobisher: Hold the line. [hands over the receiver]

Thatcher: Thatcher.
Welsh: Yeah, Bolt’s plane never made it to Tuktoyaktuk. He dropped out of sight south of there, around Franklin Bay.

[Buck hangs up the phone, and they all sit up to look at a map on the wall]
Thatcher: Franklin Bay. Hardly a precise location.

[mountainside; Fraser is climbing, with an inert Kowalski clinging to his back]
Robert Fraser: Your mother and I were once trapped in a terrible blizzard on the way to Resolute to pick up supplies. I thought I was done for; your mother, too. We still looked a lot better than the Yank does now.
Fraser: What did you do?
Robert Fraser: I pushed on, through the cold and the pain. We kept each other going.
Fraser: Because that’s what partnership is all about.
Kowalski: Fraser, you got this hypothermia thing? ‘Cause you seem to be talking to yourself.
Fraser: Possibly.
Kowalski: Okay, well Fraser, just listen to me. You gotta push through the cold and the pain and keep moving, ‘cause that’s what partnership’s all about. There’s red ships and green ships, but there’s no ships like partnerships.
Fraser: Ray, you’re starting to blither. Ready?
Kowalski: I’m cold. And my back is hurting from the weight of the pack...

[cabin; Buck mounts a horse (and farts)]
Buck Frobisher: Move out!

[Mounties on several teams of dogsleds follow him]

[mountain summit]
Kowalski: Top of the world, Ma! Top of the world!
Fraser: That’s a wonderful movie! Jimmy Cagney, Virginia Mayo. White Heat. 1949. Woo hoo!
Kowalski: Look, Fraser, I just climbed my first mountain. I need a moment to triumph.
Fraser: Oh right, of course! Well, please, go ahead, Ray. [kneels]

[Kowalski raises his hands and smiles]

Fraser: Well, there, that was good. Now, let’s see what we’re gonna do about getting down.
Kowalski: Down?

[ice field (very, very windy); Fraser & Kowalski are connected by ropes]

Kowalski: I love down, down is a piece of cake, down is fun, down is great, down is--
Fraser: Stop! Down is dangerous! This is the ice field they were gonna drop us on. Fissures abound. Move slowly.
Kowalski: Fishers?
Fraser: Yeah. Deep cracks in the ice. Frequently snow-covered.
Kowalski: The ice is full of deep cracks? Is that what you’re telling me?!
Fraser: Yes. Now, Franklin Bay is that way. You know, Ray, you have to think of an ice field like, well, a mine field. Now, if you--
Kowalski: A mine field?! [takes off running]
Fraser: Whoa, whoa, Ray!

Kowalski: Come on, Fraser, let’s go, let’s move!

Fraser: Whoa! Hold on, Ray....!!

[they fall and slide...]
Kowalski & Fraser: Ahhhhhhh!!!!

[...and land deep in a crevasse, wedged face-to-face]
Fraser: You all right?
Kowalski: Oh yeah. Stuck.
Fraser: Yeah.
Kowalski: Where are we?
Fraser: We’re trapped.
Kowalski: You’re gonna get us out, right? You’re gonna use some of that, uh, northern, uh, folklore type stuff and get us out, right?
Fraser: Not this time. We are well and truly trapped. Give me your gun.

[Kowalski reaches into his coat]

Kowalski: Oww!

[he hands over his pistol; Fraser puts a red cloth into the barrel, then fires the cloth straight up & out the fissure]

Fraser: All right. Now we just have to wait, and hope that...that in this vast unpopulated, untravelled wilderness, that somebody sees it.
Kowalski: And if nobody notices it?
Fraser: Then we die.
Kowalski: Ah.

[27^th precinct; Welsh’s office]
Vecchio: Well, for all we know, they could be... Well, they could be stuck in a block of ice somewhere or something. I mean, it’s not like I care, it’s just--
Stella: You care!
Vecchio: Do you think so.
Stella: Mm-hmm. I think you have a generous heart.
Vecchio: Well, thank you, Stella.
Welsh & Francesca: Oh, please.

[Vecchio coughs]

[crevasse]
Kowalski: You know, when I add it all up, I only got one regret. That I never went on any, uh, kind of real adventure.
Fraser: You don’t consider being trapped two hundred feet down an ice crevasse an adventure?
Kowalski: Nah.

Fraser: Ah.

Kowalski: More like, uh, you know, finding the, you know, the top of the Nile. Or the...the tomb, King Tut’s tomb. Uh, dating a supermodel. Uh, Franklin. [pause] Who in the hell is Franklin? Why am I thinking Franklin?
Fraser: [chuckles] In 1845, Sir John Franklin set off in search of the Northwest Passage, with two boats: the Erebus and the Terror. And he was last seen navigating Peel Sound, July 26^th.
Kowalski: Nobody found him?
Fraser: No, no. No. Many went in search of his hand, reaching for the Beaufort Sea, but none found him.
Kowalski: Mm. I get out of this, I live through this? I’m gonna find that hand, I’m gonna find the...reaching-out hand.
Fraser: It might be the hand of death.

Kowalski: Yeah, well, I’ve faced death.
Fraser: And what did you do?
Kowalski: I sang. Of course it was ABBA, so it sort of spoiled the romantic effect but... Yeah, I sang.
Fraser: Then we should sing.
Kowalski: What, “SOS”?
Fraser: No. [sings] Ah, for just one time/

I would take the Northwest Passage...

Kowalski: Yee!
[Robert Fraser joins in]

Fraser & Robert Fraser: [singing] To find the hand of Franklin/

Reaching for the Beaufort Sea...

[the red rag hits a bearded man right in the face; he sniffs the air intently]
Fraser & Robert Fraser: [singing] Tracing one warm line/

Through a land so wild and savage/
And make a Northwest Passage to the Sea.
Fraser: [singing] Westward from the Davis--

[the bearded man appears, upside down]

Delmar: Benton?

Fraser: Delmar!
Delmar: How you doing?
Fraser: Oh, you know, uh...bit stuck.
Delmar: Hey, good to see you.

Fraser: Yeah.

Delmar: It’s been...what, since...grade four. Yeah.
Fraser: At least.
Delmar: God, I loved grade four. So. You boys want out, or are you okay where you are?
Kowalski: Out. Out would be good.
Fraser: Yeah.
Delmar: [amused] Okay.
Kowalski: [quietly] Grade four?
Fraser: He was held back a bit.

[ice field; Fraser & Delmar pull Kowalski onto the surface]
Delmar: Uh, well, I guess I’ll be getting on my way.
Fraser: I thank you kindly, Delmar. Where are you headed, anyway?
Delmar: Further north.

Kowalski: Whoa! [falls over]

Delmar: Yeah. Got to get out of this wilderness rat race. Country’s getting too crowded.

Fraser: Uh-huh.

Delmar: There’s a couple of hunters over at Puurusiq Valley, there’s some guys with heavy armament over at Diamond Head, and 10,000 feet up on Mount Sabine, there’s a soccer team eating each other.
Kowalski: Would you mind repeating that?
Delmar: Yeah, Argentine soccer team there, eating each-eating themselves up on--
Kowalski: No, no, no, not that. The part about the heavy weaponry.
Delmar: Diamond Head? Yeah, all decked out in black, snowmobiles, the whole thing. Uh. Anyway, Benton, good to see you!
Fraser: You too, Delmar.
Delmar: Ah. Grade four, huh? Sticks with me like a bowl of gruel!

[they both chuckle]

Delmar: Be safe!
Fraser: You, too.
[Delmar sets out across the tundra]
Kowalski: They all like that around here?
Fraser: Like what? I mean, the territory’s largely unpopulated.
Kowalski: Like, uh, Grizzly Adams. Kinda-kinda nutty like that.
Fraser: Well, for the most part, yes.

Delmar: [shouting over his shoulder] Oh, Benton! There’s also a bunch of Mounties over at King’s Creek.
Robert Fraser: King’s Creek, son, gotta get to King’s Creek.
Fraser: King’s Creek, Ray.
Kowalski: So what, we’re changing plans?
Fraser: Yes. We’ve got to get the rendezvous coordinates to Buck Frobisher at King’s Creek. [sits on a makeshift sled] Climb aboard!
[Music: “Resurrection” by Moist]

[Kowalski & Fraser scream & holler as the sled careens down the mountain (narrowly missing lots of trees & rocks), finally speeding through the Mounties’ camp...]

Kowalski: Tent! Tent! Tent! Fire!

[...and ending up at edge of fire pit]

Buck Frobisher: Well, men, just in time. I’m firing up a little moose hock. [smiles, not in the least surprised at their abrupt arrival] Good trip?

Fraser: [nods] Hahhh!

[Mounties’ camp, night; Fraser & Buck sit at the campfire]

Fraser: Delicious meal, sir.
Buck Frobisher: Ah. Thank you.
Fraser: We should be able to make Bolt’s rendezvous by midday tomorrow.
Buck Frobisher: Mm-hmm, yes. Is, uh...is he around here, by any chance? Your father, I mean.
Fraser: Oh. No. You know, he never told me. About my mother.
Buck Frobisher: What could he say? That he was a flawed individual? That he failed your mother, failed you? He was half-mad with grief, Benton. He did what he could, what he knew.
Fraser: He became a murderer.
Buck Frobisher: Muldoon laughed at him, laughed in his face! Mustn’t be too harsh on him, Benton.
Kowalski: [entering] I’m not sure about this rendezvous. I mean, we only got half a dozen Mounties and they got forty armed men. The odds are kinda funky.
Buck Frobisher: Well, it isn’t any good if there’s no challenge. Well, I think I’ll go lay down some tallow for the dogs. [farts as he stands] Oh, Diefenbaker!

[Dief grumbles]

Buck Frobisher: Bad manners! Hounds these days... [farts as he exits]
Kowalski: So, if, uh, we live through this, uh, we get back to Chicago, I guess you’ll partner up with, uh, Vecchio? That’s okay, ‘cause he’s a...good guy. You worked with him for a while.
Fraser: You know, Ray, my father and Buck Frobisher were partners for more than twenty years. Their territory was thousands of miles. Sometimes they wouldn’t see each other for months. But no matter how far apart they were, they always knew that they were partners.
Kowalski: I’m not sure if you--
Thatcher: Fraser?
Fraser: Duty.
Kowalski: Barks. [grins]

[Fraser goes to walk with Thatcher, away from the camp]

Thatcher: I’ve been thinking about the matter of our transfer. You know, I look out into this cold, barren, empty landscape, where any mistake could be your last, where you’re surrounded by endless miles of silence with only yourself for company, and... and I can’t think of a life less appealing. But obviously it is where you belong.
Fraser: Yes, sir, I think it is.
Thatcher: So then this could be our...
Fraser: Possibly.
Thatcher: Then maybe we should...

Fraser: Maybe...

[they kiss]
[the dogs howl, and Buck joins in]

[Mountie camp, morning; Buck rallies the men]
Buck Frobisher: They have called this day the eleventh of March. And whom-so-ever of you gets through this day, unless you are shot in the head or somehow slain... You will stand at tiptoe... when e’er you hear the name again, and you will get excited! At the name March the eleventh! We happy few, we few, we band of brothers... Our names will be as like...household names. And those who are not here, be they sleeping or...doing something else. They will feel themselves...sort of crappy. Because they are not here to...to join the fight. On this day, the Eleventh of March!!
[Turnbull weeps; Thatcher gives him a look]
Buck Frobisher: I know. Move out.

[Turnbull wipes away his tears as the assembly disperses]

[Fraser tucks a note into Dief’s collar]
Fraser: Go. [to Buck] I’ve sent for reinforcements, sir. Just in case.
Buck Frobisher: Good thinking, Fraser.

[Dief runs full-out through the snow]

Buck Frobisher: [shouts] To Battle!

[Mounties all head out, on horses & dogsleds]
Robert Fraser: [watching them go] We’re gonna get him, Caroline. I promise you. Promise.

[27^th precinct, Welsh’s office; Welsh & Francesca pace nervously]
Stella: Look, you’re making me dizzy.
Vecchio: [to Stella] You’re making *me* dizzy.
Francesca: You know, it’s the not knowing that’s making me crazy.

[Vecchio coughs]
Welsh: Knowing those two, they could be standing in the middle of a frozen lake right now staring at a map.

[middle of a frozen lake; all are staring at a map]
Kowalski: You sure this is the place?
Fraser: Well, these are the coordinates. 125 degrees west by 70 degrees north.

[loud snapping sound]
Kowalski: What the hell was that?
Fraser: Oh, it’s just the ice cracking beneath us.
Kowalski: Ice cracking?
Fraser: It’s not uncommon, Ray. It’s caused by the ebb and flow. This is a fjord that opens out to the sea.
Kowalski: Why the hell would he want to meet here in the first place? I mean why wouldn’t he want to deliver his guns in the warmth and safety of any American city?

[more loud snapping sounds]

[cabin; Dief scratches at the door, grumbling, and a red-clad Mountie opens the door]
Mountie: Hey, fella. [finds note on collar]

[frozen lake]
Robert Fraser: Buck.
Buck Frobisher: Bob. Wondering where you’ve been. You look a little pale.
Robert Fraser: I’m still dead.
Buck Frobisher: Yes well... I’m having a hard time believing that.
Robert Fraser: Well, there you are then.
Buck Frobisher: Yeah, well...there’s another story... With my regrets. We’ll get Muldoon for Caroline.
Robert Fraser: For Caroline. Oh, forgot. [points] Trouble.
Buck Frobisher: What?

[nine snowmobiles rapidly approach]

Buck Frobisher: Great Scott. [shouts] Warm up! Warm up! Husband your ammunition! Shoot to kill! Or if not, at least to hurt them enough so they’ll give themselves up!
[loud snapping sounds]
Kowalski: That normal?
Turnbull: It’s perfectly natural, Ray. You see, the movement of the sea under the ice causes it to heave and crack.
[more loud snapping sounds... the ice shifts, knocking them all off-balance; Fraser & Kowalski are lifted high into the air]
Cyrus Bolt: Hold on!

[snowmobiles stop]

Fraser: This would seem to answer our questions, Ray. It would appear that Mr. Muldoon is delivering a delta-class nuclear Russian submarine to Mr. Cyrus Bolt.
Buck Frobisher: Retreat and reform!
Kowalski: What would Bolt want with a nuclear sub?
Fraser: To hold the planet to ransom, I should imagine.
Cyrus Bolt: All right. GO!

[gang on snowmobiles & Mounties exchange gunfire]
[Fraser & Kowalski climb inside the submarine; Fraser punches a goon]

[outside, more gunfire; the Mounties take cover on the sub’s hull]

[inside, Fraser takes down another goon]

[outside, amidst heavy fire]
Thatcher: What about ammunition?
Buck Frobisher: We’ll run out, of course. It’s to be expected in a firefight. But we have plenty of moose hock on the sled. That’s a plus.
Thatcher: We’re going to need those reinforcements!

[inside; Kowalski takes out a goon, then holds back another with gunfire]

[outside; the gang stops their snowmobiles into a straight line]
Cyrus Bolt: All right! Let’s kill us some Mounties! FIRE!

[gang opens fire, big time]
Turnbull: I’m too young to die!

Cyrus Bolt: Ha-ha!!!
Buck Frobisher: Hang on, my God!
Thatcher: It’s the reinforcements!
[many Mounties jump out of a plane]

Paratrooper: Go, go, go, go, go, eh! Go!

Buck Frobisher: ParaMounties! It’s the latest thing.
[they float down (the chutes are Canadian Flags) to breezy, instrumental ‘O Canada’ (Dief, too) and land behind the snowmobiles]

[inside the submarine; Fraser & Kowalski see Muldoon escaping]
Fraser: Muldoon!!

[Muldoon fires his pistol at them... they take cover; Muldoon goes up the ladder & Kowalski fires his gun]

[outside: ParaMounties (in pressed, unblemished red serge & Stetsons) approach the gang, weapons drawn]
ParaMountie #1: Gentlemen, please hold your fire. You are surrounded.
ParaMountie #2: Excuse me please, sir, could you...?

ParaMountie #3: Drop your weapon, please.

[the gang stops shooting, putting their hands up]
Cyrus Bolt: Fight, you scum! Fight!! Damn you!!
Mounties: GO! Go, go... please, sir...move it... move it... move it...thank you, sir.
Cyrus Bolt: Memo to myself: Never try to raise an army of liberation out of a bunch of potato farmers from Idaho!

[Muldoon jumps down from the sub & heads for a lone snowmobile]
Fraser: Wish me luck.
Kowalski: That, you don’t need.

[Fraser whistles, jumps onto a horse, then chases after Muldoon]
Fraser: Hyah! Hyah! Hyah! Hyah, hyah!

[Fraser lassos Muldoon & pulls him off the snowmobile]

Fraser: It’s the end of the road, Muldoon.
[Muldoon cocks his gun & points it at Fraser]

Muldoon: Looks like you picked up your dad’s DNA for determination.

[suddenly Muldoon falls down a mine shaft, pulling Fraser with him]

Muldoon: Whoo! Like I was saying. You don’t quit very easily.
Fraser: I don’t give up ever.
Muldoon: Well, I would consider that a character flaw, if I were you, because I’m now gonna have to kill you with my bare hands. [puts up his dukes]

Robert Fraser: You won’t be doing any more killing!
Muldoon: Who said that?!
Robert Fraser: Remember back 29 years. Six Mile Canyon. [steps out of the shadows]

Muldoon: Bob Fraser?! You were shot! You’re dead!
Robert Fraser: So are you. [points revolver at Muldoon]
Muldoon: Oh, no. This can’t be real.
[Robert shoots into the rafters]

Robert Fraser: It’s real enough.
Fraser: How can he see you?
Robert Fraser: Because I want him to. You cross a Mountie, he’ll hunt you to the grave. He’ll hunt you from beyond the grave. [cocks gun]
Fraser: Dad, stop. This was wrong 29 years ago, and it’s wrong now.
Robert Fraser: Then what am I doing here, son?
Fraser: I think you’ve been given a chance to try and get it right.
Robert Fraser: Will you take him in?
Fraser: Oh yes.
[pause]

[Robert uncocks gun & hands it to Fraser]

Robert Fraser: There is one thing I’d like to do.
Muldoon: And what would that be?
[Robert Fraser punches Muldoon out]
Robert Fraser: I don’t know why anyone ever does that. Lord, that hurts! [notices Fraser’s expression] What?

[music: “Holy Tears” by Tara MacLean]
Fraser: You’re fading.
Robert Fraser: I’ve solved my last crime. I caught my last man. No reason to hang around.
Fraser: I, uh... I thought you were permanent.
Robert Fraser: Oh, son. Nothing’s permanent.
[Fraser nods, tears in his eyes; Caroline appears]
Robert Fraser: Caroline?
Fraser: Mum.
[Caroline brushes Fraser’s face & smiles at him; she turns to Robert, takes his hand, and they start away; they pause, looking back... Fraser looks after them, barely holding back tears]

[Robert & Caroline Fraser walk away, disappearing into the light]

Epilogue

[music: “The Northwest Passage” by Stan Rogers]

[a dogsled is being prepared]

Benton Fraser: [voice] Life continues...

Detectives Jack Huey and Thomas Dewey realized their dream of the one-liner...

...Dewey: What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fshhhhh. [drum roll by Huey]...
...And their comedy club played to marginal houses for a long time...

Constable Turnbull decided to run for public office...
Turnbull: [shaking hands & schmoozing] Oh ho ho ho ho, hello! [greets baby]...
...But his campaign got off to a rocky start when he was run over by his campaign bus...
Turnbull: Ahhhhhhh!!!...

...My old partner, Ray Vecchio, did indeed cough up a golden bullet, and he and Stella moved to Florida, where they opened up a bowling alley...

...Francesca Vecchio made the cover of Life Magazine with a record 6 Immaculate Conceptions. And she loved her babies as though they were her own...

...Welsh: Does anyone have the answer?...

...Leftenant Welsh stayed behind his desk, because that was where he belonged...

...Reporter: And now for international news...
...Inspector Thatcher transferred to the Canadian Security Intelligence Service, where she was instrumental in the destabilization and overthrow of several world dictators...
...Reporter: ...as the Ice Queen....

...And as for Ray, or should I say Stanley Kowalski... Sergeant Frobisher geared us up with tack and tallow, and, lead by Diefenbaker, we set off, Ray and I. We set off on an adventure. And when we looked below, he saluted...

...Buck Frobisher: Godspeed, Benton...

...Sergeant Frobisher saluted, and I saluted back...

...Then off we went to find the hand of Franklin, reaching for the Beaufort Sea. And if we do find his hand, the reaching-out one? We’ll let you know.

THE END