A Spander Christmas Stocking

The 104th Use For Tinsel




The gang was gathered around the table at the Magic Box having a research party to once again prepare to battle against some holiday ruining prophesy. Xander had given up on hoping this was all an eggnog induced nightmare about an hour before when Buffy had returned with the ... creature.

The thing looked like an evil elf that had escaped Santa's sweat shop- er, work shop. A GAY evil elf, if his choice in clothing colors was anything to go by. Instead of the traditional red, green and white it was wearing hot pink, lavender and pale orange. Maybe it was just colorblind.

Xander listened to Giles ramble on for a moment more before interrupting. "Wait. Let me get this straight. The elf things-"

"Gliftos." Giles interjected.

Xander waved his hand dismissively, "Right, Gliftos." He started ticking off points on his fingers. "Are from another dimension, on a mission from their Boy Queen. Are relatively harmless. Except for the part where they kidnap this 'mystical human' who will then become the Boy Queen's mate. Have some magical fuzzy logic powers that cause humans to follow their will. Which Buffy, as the Slayer, is immune to. But Spike, though undead, is not."

He paused, waiting for Giles nod of agreement to continue. "And the only way to null this power is to wrap them up like a mummy in TINSEL."


"That. Is fucked."




Xander lay on his back trying to regain his breath. Around him he could hear the sounds of his friends finishing off their assailants. Just when he thought his life couldn't get anymore bizarre it'd take a complete left turn. Left, because historically it was found to be the more sinister direction.

They had gone on patrol after raiding every party decoration and craft shop in Sunnydale for the nullifying tinsel. Giles was certain that since the little Gliftos were here, then somewhere within the city limits was the Mystical Mate person the elf rejects were searching for. He said there would be signs. That was an understatement.

It had started with rose petals, just a few at first. That turned into a swath of white rose petals just under his feet. Where ever he went suddenly a carpet of petals littered the ground. Unnerving and also, a bit creepy. The second clue that all was not right was the man bearing pastry.

Out of nowhere this gorgeous half-naked man walked up and offered Xander a tray of sticky sweets with a murmured "My Lord". Stuff like that only happened in his dreams. The six vamps, currently being dusted had popped out of the foliage to serenade him.

Buffy had of course attacked. Push, shove, pointy sticks and Xander ended up flat out on the ground. With Spike of all people standing guard over him.

Xander used his newly regained breath to laugh. It only sounded a little bit hysterical.



The training room was filled with silver bundles. Two dozen Gliftos wrapped head to toe in shiny tinsel. They kinda looked like wriggling, glittery larva. Willow and Tara were taking duck tape to them to keep the tinsel on. The girls were staying far away from Xander, embarrassed by their little fuzzy logic mishap earlier in the evening.

Xander was sitting on the steps, handing Dawn bits of tinsel. Once they'd run out of the select-a-size roll type they'd been left with bags of eight inch strands. Which according to Giles' books could be safely spun into longer threads. But only by hand.

He'd been surprised as anybody when Dawn fessed up to knowing how to use a spinning wheel. Xander suspected a twisted fairytale streak in the Monks was to blame.

She was actually a little unnerving spinning the strands, head bobbing along to an old Matrix sound track. Xander blamed that on Spike's influence.

The vampire was conspiring with Giles, there really wasn't any other word for it. The British pair were bent over a book and talking rapidly in whispers. Xander narrowed his eyes at them. He had a bad feeling what ever they were talking about had to do with him.

He sighed and handed Scary!Dawn some more tinsel.



Mystical portals, solstice night, Boy Queens - and what the heck is up with that any way? God his life sounded like a bad children's book. Why did these things pick Winter Solstices? Couldn't they have done this in the summer? It's not like the Gliftos had a sun allergy to worry about.

It had taken nearly an hour just to move the Gliftos to the portal site. Wiggling bastards. Then they had to convince the Boy Queen Xander didn't want to mate with him. 'No' must be ambiguous in their dimension. The third time Xander had said it to no affect Spike leapt at the garishly dressed Boy Queen and shook it. They could apparently understand "Taken" quite well.

Now they were heading back to The Magic Box to help Giles clean up. Spike was giving him side-long looks. Probably because Xander hadn't said anything. The silence was driving the vampire nuts.

Which was good, since Xander was feeling a little nuts himself. How was he supposed to feel about Spike claiming him like that? On one hand it got rid of the Gliftos, on the other, where the hell had that idea come from?

Xander was confused and tired. He was so not cleaning. Nope. He was going to find a nice chair to sleep in until the pizza came.



Xander was walking home, the cheery lights on the houses masked the sinister vibe Sunnydale had taken on over the years. Of course it wasn't long before the glowing decorations lost their appeal. Xander blamed it on Spike. The vampire was playing shadow, trailing along behind him like Xander couldn't tell he was there.

"Might as well give up on the tag-along routine Spike, I know you're back there." Xander called over his shoulder not breaking his stride. Spike quickly caught up with Xander. They walked quietly for a few minutes before the human spoke again.

"I don't have any beer, you know. Or Blood."

"What's that, Pet?"

"I'm just preparing you for disappointment."

"S'alright, not coming for the beer."

"So why are you then? It's a little late for Passions."

Spike sighed, "Need to have a little chat you and I."

Xander kicked a stray rock. "You know those are never good words to hear. Right up there with 'Oh my god! That's my husband! Hide!'."

"Heard that one a lot then?"

"No not really." Xander admitted. Spike chuckled, coaxing a smile from the brunet. They walked the rest of the way to Xander's in silence enjoying the lights together, shoulders brushing occasionally.



Xander unlocked his door and let Spike in ahead of him. He hung up his coat and kicked off his shoes before following the vampire into the living room. They sat on opposite ends of the couch and looked at each other.

"How did you know that would work on the Boy Queen?" Xander asked.

"Giles' book said that one of the only things that would deter it was if the human was mated."

"Oh. What else?"

"Hideous disfigurement."

Xander wrinkled his nose. "Glad we didn't go for that one. So... Talk, us? You go first."

"Right. Well..." Spike shifted and looked away."

"What? Come on Blondie this only works if you use actual words." Xander prodded.

Spike growled, "Screw it." He lunged across the sofa and pulled Xander into a kiss. He knotted his fingers in the human's dark locks holding him still.

Xander was panting by the time they parted. "Oh."

"Yeah." Spike leaned in and kissed his way along Xander's jaw.


"Good." Spike pushed the dazed human to lay back against the cushions. He started unbuttoning Xander's shirt while they kissed.

"Hey!" Xander slapped at Spike's hands.

"What now, Pet?"

"I'm not that easy." Spike gave him a skeptical look. "Alright, maybe I am. But I'm still not having sex on the couch."

"Why not?"

"It's uncomfortable."

Spike rolled his eyes. "Fine." He stood up and pulled Xander after him. "But hurry up. Wasting good snogging time."

"Keep it up and there won't be any more kissing."

"Will too."

"Will not."

Spike grabbed Xander and gave him a long, breath stealing, mind fuzzing kiss. "Will too."

"'Kay." Xander agreed, trying to catch Spike's lips in another kiss. The vampire grinned and shoved Xander back on to his bed.

"All mine now, Pet."







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