It was after one in the morning when Spike emerged from the shower, both warm and hot.  Hot for his beautiful human.

Now, Spike was not a stupid vampire.  He certainly had his moments of utter denseness but overall he was pretty smart.  And Spike had spent a few hours sizing up the situation.  Regardless of his protestations, Xander was still scared of being at the hands of the demon, but wanted to be crazy for him tonight.  Then   he’d make Xander crazy with sprinkles on.  Creating crazy wasn’t in giving himself to Xander, it was in selfless denial.  It was playing hard to get.  It was being seduced despite his better intentions.  And Xander would love it.  Because Spike was giving him William.

Okay, he wasn’t convinced he could work this tonight because Xander might be dozy, but he’d give it a go.  Nothing to lose.  Pow!  Like wood to his heart.  Spike wanted to roar with his pain, flickering in and out of game face.  Everything to lose.  I’m so weak.  Weak.  Never be strong again.  How can he love what’s left if I hate it?  How can he ever respect me?  Fucking chip.  Fucking bastard humans.  Fucking bastard Riley Finn.  Chip out and he’s…  Dead.  He is dead.  ‘Painfully fried…  Grandpa’s best roast.’  Thank you, Angelus, thank you thank you thankyouthankyouthankyou.

Xander was already stirring, sixth sense announcing Spike’s proximity despite the door being closed and the house apparently silent.

“Spike?” he said, trusting that the vampire’s hearing would pick it up if he were as close as Xander felt.

Spike did hear and seconds later the door swung open to reveal a towel-clad work of art.  Xander shifted to get a better look, sleepy and relaxed but aware of his body waking up at the sight before him.

“How you feeling, love?”  Xander nodded.  “You look better: bit of colour in your cheeks.”

“I’m good.  Dry.”

“I’ll get you something.”

“No, I’ll go.  You want anything?”  Spike shook his head, sitting on the far edge of the bed.  “Are you okay?”

“Just…  Wary, like I said.  I’ve been thinking, maybe tonight…  Well, maybe not tonight.”

Disappointment followed by understanding swept over Xander’s face.  Then he smiled and the game-playing was momentarily forgotten; Spike fell in love all over again.

“Whatever.  As long as you’re here with me.”

“Thanks.”

Another smile and Xander got out of bed and left the bedroom.  Quickly, Spike threw off the towel and pulled on t-shirt and sweatpants, trying to decide how William would sit while he waited for Xander – Master – to return.  No, even better…  He went to the window and drew back the drapes, clicked the remote for the shutters and watched them open.  Moonlight flooded into the room and Spike sped to Xander’s bedside lamp, switched it off, returned to the window where he stood staring out, angling himself for the greatest effect.  Cheekbones and moonlight: criminal waste not to exploit both.  He wiped the smile from his face as he heard the footfalls and sloshing of bottled water that heralded Xander’s approach.

“Are you sure—”  Xander’s voice stopped abruptly at the sight before him.  His gorgeously wistful vampire lit by silver light that enhanced his features magically and made his eyes glow inhumanly blue.

“I’m fine,” Spike answered, glancing in Xander’s direction, lingering over the human’s alluring form, making sure Xander got the message of what a sacrifice he was making for the sake of safety, before dragging his attention away and back to the view of the garden.

“Nice night.  Want to go out for a while?”

“No.  It’s so…dark.”

Direct hit to Xander’s compassion.  Dropping the water bottle he crossed to Spike and hugged him from behind.

“You’ll get used to it in time.  That’s all you need.  It’ll take time.”

“You’ll always be there?”

“Count on it.”  Spike shuddered and Xander squeezed him a little tighter.  “Get into bed.  Blanket’s switched on and you’ll be warm.”

A shallow nod and Spike slipped out of Xander’s grasp, feeling the human’s reluctance to release his hold, knowing he was watching every step as Spike headed for the bed and climbed under the covers.  Listening carefully, Spike knew Xander was closing the shutters and the drapes in preparation for the morning, then there was the muted pad pad of bare feet on carpet as Xander negotiated the room in the dark.  Unseen, Spike pushed the covers off and arranged himself, one arm behind his head, making it look like the movement had pulled up his t and left a sliver of flesh bare across his stomach.  The other hand he placed at his neck, fingers wound in the gold chain.  As he felt Xander sit on the bed he whispered.

“Dark.”

“Oh, shit, sorry, I pushed the door shut without thinking.”  Xander was up again, opening the door and letting the light from the hall into the room.  “Too busy being enthralled by the boyfriend.  I have to try and take a picture of you in the moonlight.  You looked…”  Half a laugh.  “Don’t have the words.”

Spike could smell the human’s desire and he wondered about the sense of what he was doing.  What if Xander was too honourable to make a move on him?  He dropped the chain and reached out his hand to his lover, and Xander joined him on the bed, propped up on one arm, close but not too close, taking Spike’s hand to his mouth and just holding it there.  His dark eyes raked over Spike’s body, observed, was mesmerised by, the thin strip of bare flesh between t-shirt and sweatpants.  Spike deliberately noticed and reclaimed his hand, but before he could go through the motions of pulling the hem of the t down Xander’s hand was there, closing the gap, laying his blissfully hot palm flat on Spike’s stomach.

“Love your heat,” came from Spike, non-game plan but very effective.

“Spike…  Spike, can I kiss you?”

No-one’s ever asked that.  In my entire life, no-one’s ever asked that.  Spike played at thinking about it for some time.

“You trust me?”

“I do.  I do trust you.  Obviously more than you trust yourself.”

“Then…yes.”

Xander smiled the softest, toe-curlingest smile and leant over his lover, touching their lips together.  And it was a mere touch, once, twice, then an actual kiss, the kind of kiss poetry and pink dawns are for.  Xander’s hand came to caress the vampire’s face and neck, fingertips resting suggestively over the bite mark but not actively stimulating it.  Oh, you’re good, Xan.  You’re bloody good.  Bet you could seduce a rock.  Xander made each subsequent kiss last a fraction longer until Spike chose the moment to respond and the lightest touch caressed the human’s hair, neither pulling him on or pushing him away; the vampire’s lips parted and Xander waited patiently for a cool tongue to flicker out in welcome before sliding inside, leisurely, unthreateningly.

Xander felt a little as he had when he was lusting after William, however ridiculous that was.  But ridiculous or not this seemed very different from his usual encounters with Spike and that was both exciting and alarming.  What if William…  No, Spike wouldn’t take a chance.  Just think Spike, Spike, my precious Spike.  Precious, wary Spike.  Xander let his hand creep back onto the vampire’s stomach; the muscles twitched beneath his fingers and a soft noise escaped the back of Spike’s throat, each reaction making Xander harder.  It was erotic and frustrating and marvellous not to be able to take without question, but the question was on the tip of his tongue.

“Spike.  Sweetheart.  Can I touch you?”

“Xander,” Spike replied breathlessly, “that’s not fair…”

“You can say no, I promise you can say no.  But please…  Please, say yes.”

Fucking hell, Xan, just shoot my load now, shall I?

“If – if you trust me.”

Deliberately unhurried fingers found their way under the t-shirt and Xander’s hand made its way, inch by restrained inch, to Spike’s chest, exploring the contours of the collarbone, tracing over the breastbone and along the ribs before the fingertips trailed over his left nipple, feeling it harden instantly, sensing the subsonic growl of pleasure that the vampire couldn’t contain.  As he circled the tight nub, Xander’s mouth left Spike’s, kissing and licking his way onto the vampire’s neck, carrying on down until his tongue flickered over the nipple through the t-shirt, wetting the material so it clung to Spike’s skin.  A first gasp.  Xander sighed with pleasure and contentment as he tentatively bit the peaked flesh, wanting to be wanted, taking that breath as a positive sign.

“Good?” he asked, whispering against Spike’s chest.  He felt the movement through the vampire’s body as he nodded his approval.  “I want you to feel in control.  You can stop me anytime, you know that?  I won’t do anything you don’t want and I won’t be upset if you stop me.”

“You want this?”

“I want you.  I love you and I want you so much.”

“I…  Yes.”

Yes, yes, yes, yes, YES!

“Thank you.”

And he means it!  Fucking hell’s bells.

Xander’s mouth nuzzled its way to Spike’s right nipple and it was all the vampire could do not to rip the clothes from both of them and scream to be taken.  Meanwhile Xander’s hand slid back over Spike’s stomach, nails barely scraping but positively inflaming the skin around his navel; Xander heard the noise Spike attempted to contain in his throat and scraped some more, creeping lower, letting his fingers roam beneath the waistband of the sweatpants but go no further.

Okay, this was a poxy idea, another thirty seconds and I am prepared to beg.

The merest hint of an undulation from the vampire’s body and Xander knew he could continue, kissing his way back up to Spike’s compliant mouth as his hand ghosted over the vampire’s erection, finding his palm full as Spike pressed upwards into it.  Yes, know it’s pushy, hardly Billy-boy, but I cannot fucking wait.  More immediate than Xander had been intending but he was nothing if not obliging and he let his fingers curl around the rigid member, encasing it in a loose fist that glided over the silken skin in an undemanding rhythm.  Spike wrapped an arm around Xander’s neck, using a little pressure to deepen their lightweight kisses into one, long, lingering encounter, sliding his tongue provocatively over Xander’s in time with the hand on his cock, knowing from experience that Xander was either highly suggestible, or rather good with subtext.  Oh, yes!  Xander was shifting down the bed, easing away the sweatpants and exposing one highly enthusiastic erection, running his mouth along the length without a moment’s hesitation, up and down before returning and lapping the head, supping away the pre-come that gathered there.  Then the glorious wet heat of his mouth slid lingeringly over Spike’s cock, and the vampire fought against the desire to thrust into it, to take what was rightfully his, allowing himself nothing more than one hand laid graciously on the back of his human’s neck.  Ah, bloody fucking hell, he has no right to be this good after a week, nobody’s this good after a week.

“Xander…  Love…”

“Mmm?”

“You shouldn’t…”

“Mm-mm-mm.”

The hand kneading Spike’s balls disappeared and he realised what Xander was going to do: swallow the vampire down while he jerked off.  Not on, absolutely not on.  Spike frantically juggled words in his head, searching for the right phrasing to get his message across yet keep in character.

“You’ll be gentle, won’t you?  When you…  You told me you wanted to be gentle.”

The mouth left his cock to allow a glorious intake of breath as Xander indeed got the message.

“I promise.”

The errant hand skimmed over his body on its way to the pillow, under which, Spike knew, was a tube of lubricant that Xander – kind, sweet, thoughtful Xander – left there to keep warm because Spike appreciated every little scrap of heat he could glean from whatever source.  The vampire’s trembling was not an act: as Xander removed his clothes, licked and kissed his way from toes to thighs, Spike was forced to acknowledge that beneath his game-playing was a very genuine fear, and this pretence was a way of dealing with it.  The demon was being kept firmly under control.  This Spike knew for a fact, and his wildly swinging perception of William had swung in the direction of trusted compatriot, the one person in this room who had any idea of how to contain the demonic tendencies that surged through the vampire.  William could protect Xander even if he couldn’t, and didn’t that hurt/piss him off/reassure him all at once.

“Spike?  Are you sure about this?”

“I do want you.”  Whispered, truthful, straight from the dead heart.

Ridiculously gentle, slicked fingers introduced themselves to the vampire and he murmured his appreciation as they penetrated his body, hot and solid, one then two, and there was Xander’s mouth taking him in again, making him want to weep with joy as the sensations drew him away from his apprehension.  A sound broke away from him, short and brittle, nervy.  The wet heat withdrew.

“Okay?”  My Xander, love you.  Love you.  Your voice is my salvation.  “Spike.  You okay?”

Your flesh is my deliverance.

“Don’t take your hand away!”

“It’s staying, it’s staying.”

My Xander…

Xander began to move his hand, adding a third finger and leisurely fucking the cool, tight body.  Spike groaned and relished the intrusion, trying not to push himself onto it because William wouldn’t be so forward, wanting something far more substantial, wanting it sooner rather than later but, once again, stopping himself from making demands that William wouldn’t make.  With a curl of the fingers Xander made contact with that sweetest of spots inside the vampire, and…  Oh, fuck, that is so good, Xander, that is so good.  …Spike rippled.

“Xander…”  A deep, mellow rumble of a word.

Xander wasn’t sure whether to feel more aroused or worried.  He kept experiencing that same uncanny feeling he was with William, or a Spike dominated by the human persona.  He could admit to himself that he wanted William, it was like wanting to fuck Spike’s brother who just happened to be the normal one of the family.  The normal, innocent one.  With the accent to die for.  O. K.  But he couldn’t let that happen, ever, for Spike’s sake, for the sake of their future.  This can’t be William.  I’d know.  But Spike is never this restrained, never this quiet, never shakes quite like this.  Or is that me shaking?  Fuck, I want this so much.  Xander had to be sure.

“Spike,” he said softly.  “Spike, tell me this is you.”  No response, so Xander carefully withdrew his hand, guiltily aware of a shudder that silently screamed of the loss, moved up to bring himself face to face with Spike.  The vampire turned adoring eyes on Xander.  “Tell me it’s you.  Please, sweetheart, humour me.”

“Xander…” was all the answer he was going to get.

The voice was so low it was impossible to make out the accent – Xander’s only other physical clue under the circumstances – but if this was William he would have made himself known.  He wasn’t into Spike-esque head games, and he would never ignore a direct appeal from Xander.  Wanting to be reassured enough to fuck the vampire into next week Xander went with his hastily arrived at conclusion.  Spikeish William or Williamish Spike, either could make him come in a minute and he was hot and eager and…being gentle and considerate of Spike’s insecurities.  Inside him he felt the love overpower the lust, and he smiled to himself as he started to slip back into his earlier mood.

“I love you, Spike,” he assured before the first kiss.  “I adore you,” before the second.  “I worship you,” before the third.  And there was the hint of a flicker of a glint that he was believed.

“Xander…”  So coy, touching the William nerve, ensuring that Xander’s cock almost speared the vampire through the hip.  Have to be in him, need to be in him, looped through Xander’s mind continuously as he returned to his courteous seduction, and if he’d wanted to be crazy for Spike he’d got his wish but he could never share that thought because of the circumstances and was it too soon to be in him?  Xander made himself wait, soon so involved in his adulation of this beloved body that he forgot himself until the moment that a hoarse…  “Yes.”  …fought free of the near-silent vampire.

“Can I have you?” he asked as huskily.  “Spike.  Please?  Want you so badly.”

“Trust me?”

Xander stopped and thought, wondering if his automatic responses earlier had been taken as unconsidered and superficial.  Which they possibly were, despite being so for the best of reasons.  But this was his Spike, not the leashless demon, and the answer came from his gut, from his instincts.

“Yes.  I trust you.  I’ve been a bit afraid, all right, I admit that, but it’s nothing I can’t deal with.  See, I know you won’t hurt me.  Especially right now.  And if you think I’m saying that to get a fuck this stops.”

Xander remained perfectly still while Spike took his turn to think.  Then the blue eyes fixed on his face and there was a reserved invitation in them.

“Have me.”

Xander groaned, wanted to come right there and then as Spike surrendered himself, relaxed back with another of those enticing ripples, spread his legs and offered his body, turned his head and offered his neck.  Fuck oh fuck oh fuck.  No-one has the right to be this fucking sexy.  Too excited for subtlety, Xander tore off his boxers and moved between Spike’s thighs, fumbling with the lubricant but eventually getting some of the stuff in the right place, coating himself, then…then he reminded himself yet again of the circumstances.  Few deep breaths to calm down and Xander went back to the loving kisses and reassuring caresses, easing himself into place and entering Spike in slowest slow motion, all the while focused on the unashamedly exposed neck that exclaimed Xander’s status.  When their bodies met Xander paused, shaking with love and lust and restraint, trying not to pant like the animal he knew himself to be.

“You feel so good.  Every time I’m in you it feels better, and I keep thinking it can’t get any better but it always is.”  Xander began to move, drawing back at the same unhurried pace, sinking in with a fraction more force but then reminding himself, constantly reminding himself.  “Want to be on top, Spike?  To give you more control?”  Shake of the head.  That’s so very William.  Stop it!  Stop thinking about…  Just…stop…thinking.

Never mind trusting Spike, Xander accepted it was time to start trusting himself.  He knew how to fuck Spike, knew how to make him gasp and writhe and come again and again, and it was time he put that knowledge into use.  He would just keep this gentle.  So he began to move inside Spike.  Gently.  Easing himself down onto his left elbow to keep his right hand free to tease the vampire’s weeping erection.  Gently.  His mouth suckled the silky skin of neck and shoulder and the roughened area that was the mark.  Gently.  A fluttering breath from the vampire and Xander wanted to fuck hard, hard, harder, but he mentally grit his teeth and changed his angle to nudge Spike’s prostate.  Gently.  He knew that whine, heard it however hard Spike tried to subdue it, knew it was all about wanting more, wanting more now, and Xander wanted to give it to him.

“Want me, Spike?  Want this?”  Xander’s voice sounded like someone had both hands around his throat.  “Tell me what you want.”  A cool touch ran over his body, leaving trails of tingling skin in its wake, encouraging Xander, but the human wanted more, wanted to hear it.  Wanted to hear the voice.  The accent.  “Tell me you want me.”

“Please,” still a whisper, so much indiscernible about it.

“Tell me what you want.”

There was a protracted pause while Spike stopped gasping his need and got around to the words.

“Fuck me,” almost a sob, and accentless.  “Fuck me.”

The words were a balm to Xander’s painful longing: his strokes became firmer, Spike’s hips thrusting up to meet him at last.

“More?”  Nod.  Is that…?  The body worked without consulting the brain, taking the vampire, making it all better.  “More?”  Nod.  Fuck, if I’m wrong about this…  Fucking harder, taking the vampire, filling him and finding the hot spot with ease because Spike’s body was more familiar than his own now.  Nothing was better than taking the vampire and Xander was so ready and reaching for that cock again and wanting to see Spike come for him.  A fabulously sharp inhalation said everything was on track, and…

A broken utterance that could be Xander, could be Master.  Xander?  Master?  Indistinguishable accent.  Xander faltered, whimpered.  Again: Xander?  Master?

“Spike, fucking hell, Spike, tell me it’s you,” Xander pleaded.  Stillness.  A desperate stillness.  Spike’s eyes opened and he blinked a few times before focusing on Xander’s anxious face.  A slight smile, and a hand pulling Xander into a kiss.  “Spike?”

“Love you, Xan.”

So obviously Spike.  Xander thrust reflexively, uncontrollably, and came explosively, hand tightening around the cock nestling in his fist, teeth burying themselves in the mark.  Spike was dragged, howling and thrashing into his own orgasm and wasn’t that…just…perfect.

…

Spike lay cradling Xander, unalarmed by the fact he’d passed out, taking the human’s extreme reaction as a compliment.  The ultimate accolade for a superb performance.  Still, he’d have felt guilty about putting Xander under so much stress if it hadn’t been such a tremendous fuck.  The man in question came muzzily to, heaving himself off of the vampire and onto the bed.

“Hello, love.  You back then?”

Xander nodded, dry-washing his face with his hands before letting his arms fall onto the mattress with a synchronized thump.  He laid in silence for a long time, and Spike watched and wondered why he hadn’t been invited to settle on the deliciously hot chest.  Eventually Xander cleared his throat.

“You were playing me.”

Ah.

“What do you mean?”

“Exactly what I said.”

Best means of defence is attack.  And if Angel’s wrong about that I’ll bite his sorry arse.

“You think that I didn’t feel any of that?  You think that was easy for me?”

Xander turned his head, peered at the vampire through narrowed eyes.

“You manipulative piece of crap.”

“Xander!  Why do you think…”

“I don’t think, I know.”

“But how?”

“You admit it?”

“I didn’t…”

“Yes, Spike.  Yes, you did.”

Oh…bugger.

Xander took a deep breath and sat up, looked around for the bottle of water, stood and retrieved it, taking a good few gulps before offering it to Spike, who refused it with a brief shake of the head.  Carelessly dropping the bottle back to the floor, Xander crawled onto the end of the bed, making his way up Spike’s body until stormy brown eyes stared into defiant blue.

“So…you going to try anything like that again?”

No, not if it makes you mad, don’t be mad, don’t hurt me.

“Might,” Spike responded belligerently.

“Yeah?” Xander growled.

The vampire swallowed hard.

“Yeah.”

Spike edgily waited for the escalation of anger that Xander’s eyes threatened, finding himself breathing tensely despite trying so hard not to show any weakness.  But then Xander’s expression changed.  The peevishness evaporated.  Just love remained, and the vampire gave the slightest tell-tale gasp of relief at the sight of it.  A gentle hand caressed Spike’s face, and he leant into it automatically, not understanding why he deserved Xander’s affection but wanting it regardless.  Then came kisses, as sweet as the touches, the lightest brush of lips, faintest sweep of moist tongue, taking in mouth and jaw and neck, lovingly pressing over the mark that thrummed with its need for attention.  Spike moaned Xander’s name, objecting to the loss as the human withdrew far enough to give himself room to meet the vampire’s eyes once more.

“Going to try anything like that again?”

A flicker of humour breached the glare.  Spike smiled.

“Can I?”

It took the best part of a minute, but then Xander smiled too.

“Oh, yeah.”

Xander kept a hold of Spike as he keeled over onto his side; face-to-face, they lay gazing at one another, a far stronger connection than the tangle of fingers between them.

“I wanted to give you something,” Spike said eventually.

“I figured that out.  But the way your mind works…”

“Warped.”

“Warped.”

“Was good though.”

“Different.  Good different, but…different.”

“How did you know?”

“Well…when the blood finally got through to my brain again I knew that William wouldn’t torment me like that, he’d tell me it was him without hesitation.  He is just so much nicer than you.”

“I know.”

“And twice as loyal to you as he is to me and he wouldn’t—”  Xander borrowed the cartoon blink.  “What did you say?”

“He is much nicer.  And he’s stable.  And I wouldn’t blame you if you got Red to perform some mojo to keep him here permanently.”

“As if,” Xander snorted dismissively.

“He keeps you safe.”

“Know what I want?  I want to get to the place where you’re not doing this him and me stuff all the time.”

“It’s always been him and me.”

“Not like this.  You shouldn’t be so aware of him.  You won’t always be.  I think the fact that you’re not automatically hating the sound of his name is something positive.”

Spike nodded his agreement, preposterously grateful that Xander hadn’t just come back with, ‘Great idea, let’s get on that’ when he’d mentioned a spell to keep William to the fore.  He closed his eyes, not wanting Xander to see the tears that threatened at the thought of being banished from his side.

“Xander.  Tell me.”

He felt warm lips on his temple.

“Love you, Spike.  I love William, and I guess I even love the demon in a vague, evil necessity way, but you…  You, I love more than should be possible.  I am in love with you and only you.  You make me happy and desperate and horny and fulfilled.  You make my life right.  I love you.”

Xander gathered Spike close, cherishing his precious, damaged vampire and this togetherness, grateful for their good fortune and the simple fact that he could take this beautiful being in his arms and keep him.

Lulled into a cosily safe place by Xander’s reaffirmed adoration Spike began to think, and it was only now that he was struck by what had occurred.  He had been playing but Xander hadn’t, and his partner had seduced him with the utmost care and consideration.  Xander had – and the concept was startling, scary, thrilling – made love to him.  Spike had used the term before but only now was he forced to believe that sex could truly be making love, not just fucking with a pretty name.  No-one had ever, ever been that good to him before.  His mind rewound and replayed the seduction frame by frame until he was hard once more, breathing heavily with longing, tearful again but this time with the sheer weight of emotion the act had engendered.

“Xander…”

“Mmm?”

“You made love to me.  I’ve never felt anything like that before.”

“You haven’t?”

“No.”

“But I always make love to you.”

“You fuck me.”

“Whatever we call it, I always make love to you.”

“You do?”

“Every time.”

“You do?”

“Tell you what…  How about I show you?”

And Xander did.

Repossession 31       Repossession Index       Repossession Notes

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