Part 10 ~ Saturday 16 April 1994

Ben woke early, hating the fact he was alone in Ray’s bed and had been that way all night. He’d reluctantly accepted Ray’s exclusion of him the previous evening, understanding that the cop needed time and solitude to go through the case for the hundredth time, but it was hard to spend a night alone when he knew he would have to return to Canada within the next couple of days. Home. He couldn’t begin to imagine how he would cope with that empty life now he had been spoilt by his time with Ray, and he was dreading the moment when he would have to tell his lover he was leaving.

Not wanting to waste a minute more Ben rose and, not bothering with clothes, went on a find and retrieve mission. Find was easy: Ray was asleep at the bureau, his head resting on crossed arms, looking anything but at peace: even in his sleep the frown was present. Retrieve. Ben half-roused Ray, gently persuaded him from his present position and to his feet, getting him to the bed, stripped and beneath the covers. Then he proceeded to make love to him, discouraging any participation other than Ray’s physical presence as he kissed and caressed his body. It was only when a hand lazily pushed him away shortly before he was able to bring Ray to completion with his mouth that he permitted Ray to contribute, shivering at the surge of fresh desire when he heard the whisper.

“In me.”

Ben hastily found condom and lubricant, hoping Ray wouldn’t fall asleep in the minutes it took to be ready but knowing if he did, he’d now experience the kind of unique wake-up call he’d unsubtly requested multiple times.

“Ray?” Ben whispered urgently.

“Mmm,” was enough of an answer.

It was extraordinarily erotic, with Ray as floppy as a rag doll, accepting Ben with nothing more than a gasp and a faint smile, leaving Ben wondering how he’d been able to last hours with other men’s enthusiasm when this particular man made him want to come instantly and explosively by doing nothing at all. He told Ray so, extremely crudely, being rewarded by a slightly broader smile which he consolidated by slipping his hand between them and curling his fingers around Ray’s cock in a persuasive grasp. The lithe body arched instinctively below Ben’s, making restraint just this side of impossible, and Ben’s hand fell into an urgent rhythm that Ray swiftly responded to.

“Come for me,” he pleaded, voice shaking, exposing the effort of his self-control. “Ray…”

Ray’s head pressed back into the pillow, twisting to the side; Ben recognised the movement, knew the timing of it, and the understanding that Ray was approaching orgasm was enough to trigger his own release. With an animalistic growl he emptied himself into Ray’s body, superficially aware of hot liquid spraying his belly and chest.

Ray was asleep by the time Ben withdrew and lay beside him, breathing heavily, still tingling with pleasure. After a few minutes he pulled off the condom, knotted it, tossed it out of the bed. Ray had been right about being tested, he’d get it done as soon as possible. Ray would take that break from work, Ben would request some leave, they’d find somewhere isolated to vacation where they could devote themselves purely to one another. Until then…

Studying the tranquil form and the – for now – smooth brow, Ben thought again about leaving and the emotional toll he had to pay for his recently animated feelings. Maybe Ray wasn’t comfortable with tears, but he was going to have to face them whether he liked it or not – even now Ben’s eyes flooded when he considered his departure.

“I love you,” he whispered, oblivious to how recently the walls had heard those sentiments expressed by Ray. He moved a little closer to the source of his happiness. Then closer again, snuggling into Ray’s unconscious embrace, wriggling himself into the optimum position for comfort, settling and allowing the beating of Ray’s heart to lull him back to sleep.

…

The phone woke them mid-morning and Ray stumbled from the bed to answer it, knowing that somehow or another Stan had found the time and freedom to phone and check up on him. Ben stretched and remained sprawled, enjoying the residual warmth on Ray’s side of the bed. He listened to the sound of Ray’s voice and, although it was impossible to make out his words, knew it was Stan from the tone Ray used. Three days ago it would have torn at his gut to hear the affection there – the terse concern – but he’d grown in confidence and, despite last night’s spat, no longer felt threatened. It was…nice. Very nice. Comfortable. Different.

Ray came back, scowling and muttering to himself, found his robe, aggressively pulled it on, leaving the room without so much as a glance in Ben’s direction. The Mountie appreciatively watched him come and go, grinning to himself. He could take a lifetime of Ray Vecchio.

…

Over breakfast – or was it lunch? – they picked through Ray’s latest thoughts on the case; Ben was increasingly aware that Ray was, consciously or not, avoiding the obvious direction to go in. He didn’t mention his and Stan’s conversation and observations regarding Al, choosing to let Ray get there in his own time.

In the afternoon they drove out to the Lake, finding a fairly secluded stretch and wandering the shore, fingers loosely linked until they encountered any of the few people out on such a chilly day. Eventually they came across a bench and settled there, Ben’s arm snugly around Ray’s shoulders, keeping them close and warm.

“When are you going home?” Ray asked, breaking a long but comfortable silence.

Ben took a deep breath and sighed it out.

“Soon.” Ray had known that was coming and nodded with unhappy acceptance. Ben nuzzled his temple, bestowing a dozen kisses on the smooth skin. “I’m sorry.”

“Me too.”

There was nothing left to say on the subject. Another long silence ensued, then it was back to the Riv, into the city. Ray showed Ben around until it was too dark to see anything of importance, then took him to the excellent restaurant he and Stan visited as a treat when they had money left at the end of the month.

There were no brazen shows of affection, each man making a supreme effort to hide his feelings from the people around them, both looking forward to the moment when they’d be back in the privacy of Ray’s apartment. As they drove home, increasingly sizzling looks passed between them but, as the presence of a patrol car from the 27^th cruising past reminded Ray, not so much as a chaste kiss could be chanced until they were behind closed doors. It took two blocks before Ray started to seriously consider Frankie’s advice about smoked glass.

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