Part 16 ~ Friday 29 April 1994

The intense desire for action that Ray took away from his meeting with Frankie was short lived. The days slid back into more of the same, full of chasing shadows and arranging interviews with people who had originally been full of bluster but were ultimately proving to be too scared to make a definite accusation that could be backed up with evidence.

However, despite what these potential witnesses might be hoping, no-one was giving up the pursuit. This squad room wasn’t scared of a challenge.

Wednesday evening, though, had been good. Eye-openingly good. Ray couldn’t stop thinking about it and wanted to share it with Ben because Ben was a huge, if absent, part of his family now.

Waiting until he thought there was a good chance that Ben would be at The Point rather than in the office, he finally summoned the courage to make a personal call. He and Ben had managed to keep in touch, but both had remained wary and kept their conversations quite formal, settling for just hearing one another’s voice. Ray caught himself straightening his tie and took a moment to laugh at himself, before slipping into ridiculously official mode.

“Ben Fraser.”

“Good evening, Sergeant, this is Detective Raymond Vecchio of Chicago’s 27^th Precinct. Any chance you’re free to talk?”

“Ray,” Ben replied warmly. Just that was almost enough.

“Hey Benny, how are you?”

“Better for hearing your voice.”

“I know what we said, but I… I’ve missed you, I need…”

“Real contact?” Ben suggested as Ray struggled.

“Yes. Real contact. Or as real as this can get.”

“I’ve been feeling exactly the same and cursing myself for being overly cautious.”

“Yeah. So what if, officially, we’re spending time out of hours going over the case? Who’s going to care? Other than Charlie, who an unsurprising amount of people are pointing fingers at. No guilt about that because he’s my pop in a different suit, he can—” Ray stopped himself. “Sorry. That’s not what I’m calling for.”

“But it is something we can discuss. In fact, I have something to share that may affect how you feel going forward.”

“Can’t decide whether I should be breaking into a cold sweat here.”

“No,” Ben chuckled.

“Okay, bracing myself, let me have it.”

“Firstly, there’s nothing new of interest that’s presented itself here. Searches have revealed nothing. Al did a surprisingly good job with the bikes, and I suspect the gun is lost forever. But I’ve kept in touch with Lieutenant Welsh and we’ve spoken at length about your father’s case. Due to his manner, I doubt he’ll mind my passing on his observations.”

“There’s nothing I shouldn’t know that I can’t repeat to him?”

“Nothing. He has a strong belief that, although you and Stan are carrying out a thorough investigation, there is little desire within his department and higher to waste many more hours on pursuing the perpetrator, such was the victim’s reputation.”

“He actually said that?”

“He was extremely candid. He recognises that you’ve been disappointed at the perceived lack of support from your fellow officers but the reason no-one else has stepped up to assist on this case is that, frankly, no-one cares who killed your father. Despite how guarded you’ve been on the subject, your entire department is aware of Joseph’s brutal treatment of you. Your colleagues are very much in your corner, to the extent that they’re simply grateful your father is dead.”

“Seriously?” Ray asked weakly.

“Seriously. They think very highly of you, and several of them had heard unsettling rumours that led them to question your safety, and…”

“Seriously?” Ray repeated.

“I know what you found out about your father’s plans was an almighty shock, and you prefer not to have to consider what his actions might have led to…”

“Shock, yes. Surprise, no. It didn’t take long to come out of denial. I’m used to the idea now: Pop wanted me dead. He wanted me dead.”

“I’m sorry, Ray.”

“Don’t be. It’s not as if I didn’t want him dead too, and at least I got what I wanted. Like Maria says, we’ve made our peace with it. All of it.”

“I’m relieved to hear it.”

“We should all be in therapy for life, but yeah, we’ve made our peace with it.”

“How are your sisters?”

Ben could hear the smile break out on Ray’s face.

“Good, Benny, so good. Wednesday night I get a call to go over to the house, and bring Stan. Nothing to suggest what was going on so…”

“You immediately catastrophised?”

“Oh, yeah. We pretty much charged in like we were expecting hostages and a gunfight. God, poor Stan, stuck with me,” Ray comically groaned.

“And?”

“It was a family get together. A celebration. The girls had gone to town on the house, made it look alive for the first time in living memory, and cooked a banquet that excluded every single one of Pop’s favourite dishes. We sat around and ate, and drank, and talked, and laughed. Benny, we laughed. There’s never been laughter without consequences in that house but…we laughed.”

“I’m happy for you, Ray.”

“You were there. Every time we toasted family, you were there.”

“I’m very touched,” and Ben sounded it.

“Then, as the evening goes on we have music, and I don’t mean some painful Italian opera like Pop pretended to understand a word of. And Maria is dancing with Tony, she’s so happy, smiling like her jaw is going to break, like I haven’t seen her in…ever. Frannie and Marco are dancing too, holding each other, gazing at each other like they’re the only people in the room. I saw it, Benny, the love there. I was too prejudiced to see it before, but it’s real love, and Frannie is beyond happy.

“Then Al gets revved up and he drags me into the middle of all this, and he’s bopping away like a lunatic in a mosh pit, and… I just went with it. First time ever I just went with it, dancing like an idiot, grinning like a fool, in line with the girls. By then Stan can’t resist any longer. Now, Stan can actually dance, and he’s… ‘Stand back, coming through!’. Damn, it was hilarious. Okay, by the end of the evening me and the girls were in tears, not y’know, funny tears, more walking wounded, but it was…what’s the word I’m looking for?”

“Cathartic?”

“Cathartic,” Ray repeated. “And other than being with you it was the best night of my life.” Ray finally paused for breath. “Next time I want you there.”

Ray faltered, needing to ask and not wanting to ask but absolutely needing to ask:

“Benny… Will you be there next time, or are we done?”

“Ray, I will do everything within my power to be there next time.”

“Thank you,” emerged as little more than a whisper. Ray drew a sobering breath. “You think we’re all callous? Celebrating like that?”

“No. It’s high time you had a Wednesday night, and I promise you many more.”

“I’m not a fool, I know what’s going on isn’t over yet, whatever Welsh says, but you promising that…”

“Shall I tell you what else I’m promising? That come Thanksgiving I’ll be sitting at the table with you and the family, hearing you being genuinely grateful for the many blessings in your life. Maria, Francesca, the new baby. We’ll toast your father for being good enough to, not only die, but die in Tuktoyaktuk. That’s an undeniable blessing.”

“And then there’s you.”

“Us.”

“Us. Can’t believe it. Just can’t.”

“I know how you worry, how you second-guess everything…”

“I do, I know, it drives people mad, and I can’t stop. I don’t want to be this person.”

“Given time, with your father out of the equation…”

“…and a lifetime of therapy,” they finished together.

They broke into soft laughter. To Ray it was such an improbably intimate moment, it caused the deepest pang in his chest.

“Benny, I’m not sorry I met you, but I’m so sorry I got you into this mess, covering up for us… It could ruin your life.”

“Nothing in this life is one hundred percent certain. I could fall down a crevasse tomorrow.”

“Don’t say that.”

“You’re worried you’ve made me dishonest? I’m not. I trust my judgement on what’s right and wrong, and in this case… Simply put, I’ve made my peace with it too. It will be worth it.”

“I wish we could go back, all go back. Start over again. Be different people, I don’t know. Just not…this.”

“You mean if…” Ben thought momentarily. “If my father had stayed around and yours wasn’t anything more than an average Italian American family man?”

“My pop? Take away the criminal element and all you’d be left with is gambling and boozing the days away.”

“Not quite what I was thinking, but…”

“Hey, your dad could have been a Mountie. You’d be following in his footsteps.”

“But how would we have met?”

“Pop could still have managed to get himself to Canada and get in trouble. We’d have the perfect anecdote when people asked how we met, y’know… “I first came to Tuktoyaktuk on the trail of the killers of my father and…”

“No. No going back, no changes. I wouldn’t take any chances. I don’t want to be a different person, I want to be this person if it gets me you.”

“Benny… In the middle of this clusterfuck, you just made my toes curl,” Ray admitted with a smile.

“Well, good. My work here is done.”

“If only everything was that simple.”

“Ray, listen to me. Seriously now, listen to me.”

“I’m listening.”

“I promised you everything would be all right, remember? Ray… Everything is going to be all right.”

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