Spike vaguely registered the click of a key in the lock as Greenday drummed their way loudly across the entertainment system, something from five years ago but still passable as ‘neo-punk’. He continued typing on the keyboard, waiting for his consort to ‘do the usual’.
After their return from the Europe, they’d had barely a day before Xander was back at work and the domestic pattern was established. At six forty five in the morning Xander would hit the irritating alarm on his mobile. He would then kiss his slightly roused partner, grab a pale left wrist and turn up the controls on the heat suit. (After day two, they had clearly established that Xander plus all night proximity to heat suited partner equaled too warm for comfort while sleeping!!) Xander would then set the coffee, consume a juice, and head for their ‘gym room’ to cycle and run for thirty minutes, then finish the hour lifting weights. A short, sharp shower was followed by morning ablutions and a speedy breakfast with coffee ‘to go’. Xander would kiss his usually happily warm and vaguely aware partner goodbye, and head to work by seven forty-five.
Spike would rouse around two, remove the heat suit… Undoubtedly it was still the best thing that had come out of their European sojourn. He would then double-check that the drapes were all securely drawn before showering, and find his bagged breakfast in the fridge. Microwave, mug, log on and start. As ever, the blessing of the Net… start time was of little relevance when global.
Returning from their ‘holiday’, it was brutally apparent that ‘NonPerson’s’ writing and reader base had been sadly ignored for the last couple of weeks…. As had William Aurelius’ business interests. The ‘normal life’ needed attention. Some month and a half after homecoming, and it still seemed a consistent ‘catch-up’ game to the vampire…. He felt a strange sense of urgency despite his immortal status and lack of immediate imperative to work. It was (he decided) his damned Victorian sense of honour demanding that he satisfy his readership and monitor his investments. Bloody soul no doubt…. And how odd was that… Even his father would have been proud… the whole ‘nobless oblige’ speech. The Aurelian business acumen was legendary, Will’s extraordinary reputation as writer was unchallenged. It was the motivation that bothered him, it was about Xander, it was about them as partners and about him ‘providing’. He needed Xander to ‘be proud’ of him, he needed to contribute equally to their ‘whole’. And perhaps few would have understood his angst. Both partners were earning and wealthy in their own right. There was no provider/dependent relationship, and they even shared the sexual status equally (and wouldn’t Oscar Wilde have rejoiced in their domestic circumstance)… so his underlying irritation was even more annoying…
Spike, aka William was no longer a ‘big deal’ in Xander’s work circles, though some of his workmates were still a little intrigued by the obviously happy and now openly gay couple. The fascination seemed as much to do with the obvious monogamy and long-term commitment made by the couple, with their ‘same sex’ status came in very much second. After their first week together things had fallen into patterns that matched that before Spike left Sacramento…. After five weeks they made the first compromise. Xander would run in the morning, was busy in the day but would meet his partner at the gym as soon as the sun was down.
The tall brunette, Andy, was the first and easiest to welcome Xander back from the European sojourn. Spike already liked Xander’s colleague but now positively enjoyed meeting him at the gym. Andy was generous in his attentions and rightly benefited from regular sessions of sparring with ‘Will’ (Spike acknowledging the need to restrain the full strength and speed while honoring Andy for his loyalty to Xander and his partner/vampire). Andy improved, Spike enjoyed the training but held back, and Xander repressed. Spike worried, his partner had still said *nothing* of the ordeal at the hands of the Initiative since their return.
Yet the pattern continued…. The latest activity was focused on the pool. Following gym and continued coaxing and encouragement from both Andy and Xander, Spike had reluctantly agreed to swim in the gym pool once again. By the end of the seventh week, Spike, to his credit, had valiantly attempted to kick a full length of the pool without the assistance float, covering his fear with a litany of insults and obscure comments.
“*Torpedo! pffft … ‘torpedo’ my right foot!! Stupid, stupid activity… Swimming is for those bloody Aussi’s!! And their sodding… crocodiles and sharks and snakes and grrrompofdhphhhhh!!” The vampire’s protests disappearing as he submerged breathlessly, to kick along the bottom and try, apparently in vain, to make his partner proud. Xander paused at the end of the pool, noting his partner’s efforts for a moment, then continued on his way oblivious of the offence he incurred by failing to comment.
Spike finally emerged from the pool’s depths, his pout also apparently going unnoticed by Xander, but Andy and his gym partner (long time ‘squeeze’, Kelly) saw the disappointment. Kelly had been admiring her chivalrous beau and his willingness to assist their pretty gay friend learn to swim. She blew the blonde a kiss of approval as Spike emerged after yet another venture away from the shallow end, then claimed Andy into a tight hug. “Find out what’s wrong And.. even I can tell… Will’s not happy… c’mon babe… they’re such sweet guys, and they both love you… but then who wouldn’t?!” She winked and kissed him soundly before departing for the showers.
It was nearing the end of the second month since the ‘boys’’ return and Andy had noticed the increasing tension between Will and Xander. Work had been a ‘bitch’ of late, even Kelly had noticed the strain and tired demeanor on her usually unstoppable partner, but for Xander and Will there seemed something more. Andy sensed that something had happened while they had been away, but neither of his friends was talking. He liked them both and saw the positive influence that Will had on Xander, hoping that the angst was to do with sudden domesticity rather than any real issue. As his blonde swim student toweled his hair and followed Xander out to the carpark , Andy put a gentle hand on his arm, “Hey Will..? You can talk any time, yeah? You guys seem to be having a… ummm… hard time lately... Sometimes it’s OK to offload with a friend … I’m here Will… Just to let you know…”
Spike had stopped dead with the touch to his arm, and swung to stare incredulously at the friend addressing him, but finally dropped the bravado and slumped in defeat. “Not sure if you can help mate…. But thanks… for everythin’ ‘S appreciated yeah?!”
“Anytime Will… Anytime… Just call or come over if you need it, OK? You’re our friend too.”
“Taa mate. We’ll be fine. But… Just… Thanks.”
The ride home with Xander had been silent. The human went to bed as soon as they entered the apartment. Spike slid under the covers with his consort but when Xander deliberately rolled away, putting his back to the vampire, Spike got up again. He opened the laptop and began to add an angst ridden chapter to his latest story.
Andy had hoped that resolution of whatever was wrong would be swift, but by the end of the week Kelly insisted that he take Xander out after work for a Friday night drink before joining them at Sandy and Jim’s for dinner. Kelly meanwhile, took William over to spend time with Sandy, ostensibly to assist in setting up the dinner party, though upon their arrival Spike smelt a ‘caring rat’. The boys would be ‘later than expected’ and Jim was apparently occupied at the softball match with his daughter. The vampire appreciated the sentiment for what it was worth. He’d felt disconnected and isolated of late, so the attention was unexpected but not unwelcome. He had come to like the two women, Kelly reminded him of Tara in an odd sort of a way, and Sandy definitely had something of Joyce about her. He felt that he somehow honored the two lost friends by indulging these two and their ‘sisterly’ concerns.
They were all sitting outside. Spike caressed the beer in his lap and contemplated the dilemma that was ‘waiting for the partner’ while trying not to look at the entrance too often.
“Are you and Alex OK?” Sandy spoke quietly, moving closer to the vampire with a quiet grace as Kelly made polite exit to ‘check the food’. Sandy’s glass of chardonnay obviously untouched yet lifted it in a silent toast as she settled, acknowledging of their mutual status of ‘partners in waiting’.
“I’m fine.”
“No you’re not sweetie and you know it!”
Spike had been about to take a swig of the beer but stopped. “What makes you…?”
He was cut off, “Motherly instinct! You two are *made* for each other dear… but you seem to be making a bit of a hard time of it. You need to settle for a while, get to know each other, accept the foibles of the partner… Gosh Jim and I…” Sandy smirked and looked down with a blush and arousal that had Spike wondering at the elder couple’s antics, previous and current. “I think… I think that you have much to share with our dear Alex…. I know you are younger than him but it seems you’ve both still got a lot of life ‘before’ that you need to come to grips with and so does he. But don’t rush it sweetie… It’ll come. You can always come chat to me too you know that don’t you?”
Spike stared at the well meaning woman for some time as he processed the rather sensible approach to relationships. He had always fallen hard and gone in ‘boots and all’. Dru was insane, Buffy merely used him and Angel… their time had been too short. But Xander was for keeps and really did need more of him. Spike smiled, “Yeah… thanks…. Thanks Mum.” The last statement was accompanied by a genuinely grateful smile and kiss to the now blushing woman’s cheek. She patted his knee and stood to leave Spike with his thoughts.
A half hour or so later ‘the men’ came in from the pub. The three were relaxed, certainly not drunk, and Sandy and Kelly’s partners embraced them upon entry. Spike stood back then cringed and looked decidedly hurt as Xander simply nodded then gave an almost impersonal hug.
Drinks were issued all around and Sandy tugged Xander onto the balcony for phase two of her ‘hostess’s chat’. She fondled the long stem of her glass of wine while Xander turned to stare out over their balcony into the darkening landscaped yard.
“Alex, I’m not trying to pry but you do know I want to talk about you and Will. We love you like family… but you two boys seem so unhappy lately… What’s up? I ask as a friend Alex, nothing you say need go ‘anywhere’ but…”
“Thanks but… I don’t really know… Since Europe…” Xander continued to stare out into the garden. “Ahhhh Geez Sandy. I feel like I’m losing him, like I’ve just realized how boring I am. You know he speaks god knows how many languages, and he’s been everywhere, and he’s wonderful and attentive and….” Xander broke off, tears were threatening and he really didn’t trust his own voice for the moment.
“And he loves you, my dear!” Sandy’s kind words were all it took. Xander was leaning over the balcony edge, but Sandy could still see a single crystal drip highlighted by the patio lighting tracking down the man’s defined cheekbones and splashing onto the concrete edge below.
“Maybe it’s just ‘cause I’m tired Sand… we all are… You must know that. Jim.. Andy… we’re all working *so* hard with the Skardo project… but….”
“Well tired is one thing… and you are talking to one of the loving partners… but it may be that that just brings things to the surface quicker… Will needs you… he deserves some honesty or you will ddrive him away…” Sandy took the young man’s hand but did not insist on him looking at her, “Now come on… you go to your lovely friend and bring him out here for a bit of a chat while I go and fix the aperitifs… I just *know* Kelly will burn them now Andy’s back!”
Sandy squeezed Xander’s hand and left him to follow her wise words.
A few minutes later he had indeed drawn his beautiful partner out to the balcony and with fingers still intertwined but both men staring into the distance, was trying to ‘make contact’.
“Spike… I’m…. Well I’m sorry!...”
Spike still did not dare look at his partner, instead maintained his perusal of some distant point off to the west. “For what, pet?”
“I… um… I’ve ignored you these past few weeks… and um…”
Spike could not help himself, giving a more than warranted snarky reply, “No really? Gosh I hadn’t noticed!”
Xander had been in an apologetic mood until the cutting sarcasm burnt through the words and feelings in the link. He spun to look at his partner ready for a fight but took in the hurt expression in the crystal blue eyes, and the rather defeated posture, then relinquished all other comments in favor of gathering up his partner in a conciliatory hug.
Some twenty minutes later, they were still outside, and Spike was sitting in Xander’s lap licking carefully over the puncture marks on the left side of his neck. Xander thanked Sandy’s idea of dinner decorum for not yet calling them in. But he knew that if they remained outside much longer, it would appear rude.
“You still love me?” It was a statement rather than a question, but no less important.
“I still love you.”
“But what?” Spike pulled away for a moment seeing confusion and pain in his friend’s eyes.
“But, I don’t really know you do I?!”
This was new… Spike sat up and stared at his friend with amazement, “Of course you bloody do!? Is *that* the problem? ‘Cause, gotta say … not too complex here! What do ya mean you don’t know me? Is this about…? What *is* this about?” Spike looked genuinely puzzled.
“I mean… In Rome with the Italian speaking and then…”
“Oh bloody hell! Is that what the past couple of weeks have been about?? Just because a chap speaks a language other than English…”
Xander was deadly serious, “And the Rome ‘I’ve been here thing’, then the graveyard, and the whole you know London and… Who are you Spike? I love you *so* much but I don’t know you at all do I?! … God, Spike. You were already a university scholar and smart before you were turned but then you add to that a hundred and fifty years and all that life experience, and who am I?…. Donut boy turned project manager! Best thing I have going for me is what?? Hmm?? *How can you love me??? Example… How many languages *do* you speak? Human and demon?! Hmmm? How many?” Spike stood up and leaned against the balcony, Xander stood and moved beside him.
“I was a ponce and a nancy boy before…..Ahhh pet. Do you really think *any* of that matters??!!” As the words left his mouth, Spike spotted his partner’s petulant pout coupled with genuine worry, so answered truthfully, “OK OK!! Fluent? Seven human, five demon and two obsolete including Latin; decent at reading maybe six more human and eight demon tongues – passable tourist that sorta thing; still can’t speak SoCal but hey… I can swear in just about any language!” The last statement was meant to lighten the mood and Spike was watching his partner carefully. Though it was he who should have felt put out, he realized Xander’s angst for what it was and tried to push the point to make some middle ground. “C’mon pet…. The swearing… at least that’s useful!” The last statement was accompanied by such a wicked grin that even in his depressed state, Xander broke into a half smile before his face fell again.
“Look Luv, If it worries you that much, let me talk to Anton again ‘ey pet. Trip to Europe in the Winter, that sort of thing… Show you more of why I’m such a handsomely dashing git at a hundred an’ fifty.” Spike wiggled his scarred eyebrow. “C’mon pet let’s not get wound up about all this… we’ve both got a past… isn’t what matters about the future? And now you’ve got me soundin’ like the TV psych’s!”
“Why Anton? Why not Giles or Willow”
“Oh for cryin’ out loud…. Slayer central? C’mon pet… you know why. And Anton’s practically … family.” The admission was something even Spike had resisted saying aloud but as he did there was a realization, Anton did feel like an older brother, a belonging that Spike needed right now. Sadly now he watched his friend’s face fall even further, “OK so not Anton… but… Ahh hell!!! Alright… we’ll just go by ourselves OK… the witch, the watcher an Little Bit can meet us for the day in London or some such. We’ll stay in a backpackers hostel or some swanky hotel. We’ll waltz around in limos or a bloody drive-yourself mini, I don’t bloody well care!! … C’mon pet, I’ll let you into all me sordid secrets from the past but let’s just sort this now and move on. I don’t want to spend nights alone pet… I really don’t.” Spike looked so crestfallen with the last statement that Xander finally realized the level of hurt and the one sided attempt the vampire was making to correct things.
“You know we can’t go soon – we’ll have to wait for Christmas…. It’s so busy at the moment, I can’t leave Jim and the guys in the lurch again. There’ll be a lull over December January for sure.” Xander looked up and noted the hopeful look in his partner’s face for the first time in (now he admitted it) weeks.
“So I’m takin’ that as a yes for the Europe thing.” Spike’s blue eyes sparkled as he reached for his friend’s hand, “But in the mean time… could you just love your Vampire Master and can I simply care for my Consort… And can we cut out the pissing competition over who’s got a better hold on demon lingo or who’s been to where. It’s rubbish luv… and you know it!! I love you… and if you can’t feel that through the link, well perhaps from this distance you might…” Spike moved forward until one leg slid between Xander’s and his now erect sex could be clearly felt resting against his consort’s hip. He nibbled at Xander’s neck just below his ear then continued “Well then perhaps make up sex may have to ensue… lots and lots of” [nibble] “make” [bite on the earlobe] “up” [tongue in and around the ear] “sex.” Spike’s mouth was over Xander’s tongues dueling for their pleasure as hips shifted and they began to grind their mutual erections together.
A female voice broke the mood, “Jim’s home, you folk ready for dinner?”
Spike whispered, “Make up sex… yeah?”
Xander broke the embrace, tugging his partner toward the patio doors, “Ho yeah, lots ‘n lots of … later.”