BEGGARS
CAN'T BE CHOOSERS 2
By
Nash
Notes
Xander Harris
was panicking. And we’re not talking the small ‘I’m late for work and can’t find
my keys’ type of panic; we’re talking about the full blown ‘there’s a Hell God
after us and Buffy’s catatonic’ type of panic.
Xander woke up not
remembering much of his dream other than that he’d had the most bone-melting
orgasm of his life. Then he started remembering bits and pieces of the dream
until the most important detail finally revealed itself.
Oh my God…
Spike! In my dream! *Spike*! In my *dream*! In *my* dream! *Spike*?!
OhmyGodOhmyGodOhmyGodOhmyGod! Right. Deep breaths Xan, deeeeeeeep breaths. No
need to panic. You’ve known you swing both ways for a while now… and Spike is
not exactly hard on the eyes. And isn’t *that* an understatement. The guy’s so
hot it’s a wonder he doesn’t spontaneously combust.
Oh no.
Nononononononono! Spike is not hot and I have no interest in him whatsoever. And
now I’m just kidding myself. I mean really, the way those jeans cling to that
ass is indescribably sexy. And when that very nice demon-of-the-week ripped his
shirt off last week I *did* appreciate the sight of that oh so nicely muscled
stomach.
Xander’s eyes glazed over as he contemplated Spike’s body
before he snapped out of it and once again desperately tried to convince himself
that he did not, repeat *not*, want Spike, sexy, lickable, bitable nipples or
not. He failed miserably.
“Xander? Xander! Earth calling Xander… You
okay? Is anything wrong?” Willow’s voice interrupted the brunet’s inner
rant.
Xander shook his head as he accepted, to his utter and complete
horror, that he did indeed have sexual feelings towards his undead roommate.
“Hey Wills,” he said, sounding decidedly dejected and just a little bit
horrified. “Yeah, there’s definitely something wrong.”
“Wanna share?” The
redhead was getting worried.
“I had a dream about Spike.” Xander
sighed.
“So? What’s wrong with that?”
“Well, he was doing
stuff…*good* stuff…*very* good stuff. And now I realized I care about him, in a
more than friendly way. And that is the bad in all this. He still loves Buffy,”
he explained, blushing from embarrassment.
“Oh Xander…I’m sorry,” Willow
said sympathetically, patting her friend’s shoulder.
“I know Wills. And
he’s a friend now. It took us a long time to get to the point when I can
actually say I like and trust Spike. I really don’t want to ruin that.” Xander
sighed sadly before continuing, “So I’m starting a get-over-the-Vampire
campaign, and you’re helping. You’re setting me up with that guy you know.
Jeremy?” The brunet’s determination shined through.
Willow hugged him
tight and promised to arrange for it as soon as
possible.
-------------------
That very same night the Scooby gang had a
movie night at Xander and Spike’s apartment. Xander had spent the entire night
alternating between surreptitiously watching the vampire and internally berating
himself for falling for someone he couldn’t have.
The girls were getting
ready to leave and Xander walked Willow and Dawn to the door smiling like a
maniac, trying to cover his depressed and unsettled state. He couldn’t stop
himself from glancing back at Spike only to see the vampire with his arm around
Buffy’s shoulders smiling down at her fondly. The look of love underscored with
longing evident in the blond’s eyes took a chip off Xander’s heart. He still
loves her, and she doesn’t even realize it, he thought. At that moment any hope
he had of Spike returning his feelings died. He was now even more determined to
get over any romantic feelings he had towards the
blond.
-------------------
A few days later Willow had finally arranged the
date she’d promised her best friend. Tonight was the big night and Xander had
dressed very carefully, with not a single loud color or plaid in sight. In fact,
dressed in simple grey slacks and a dark blue shirt, he looked very handsome
indeed.
For the first time since he realized his feelings for Spike,
Xander was mildly hopeful about the future. He had a date and if Willow liked
this guy then odds where, Xander would like him too. Operation
get-over-the-vampire was now on!
“What’s with the dressing up, luv?”
Spike asked. “I haven’t seen you this well turned out since…well,
ever!”
“Got a date Bleach.” Xander smiled shyly and continued, “You
really think I look good?”
“Sure, pet” the vampire
shrugged.
Xander was a little disappointed that the vampire didn’t really
think much of his looks but he told himself that it didn’t matter, he wasn’t
supposed to care what Spike thought of his looks anyway. At that moment there
was a knock on the door.
“Could you get that? I still need to get my
jacket,” the boy said as he headed towards his bedroom.
The blond
grumbled all the way to the door. He opened it to reveal a nice-looking young
man.
“Can I help you mate?” he asked.
“I’m looking for Xander
Harris,” the young man replied politely.
“And what do you want with him?”
Spike asked suspiciously.
“My name’s Jeremy, I’m here to pick him up. We
have a date.”
“*You’re* the date? But…but you’re a man!” Spike
spluttered.
Jeremy looked decidedly uncomfortable.
“Hey, you must
be Jeremy right? I’m Xander.” The brunet came out to introduce himself.
Before Jeremy managed to respond Spike burst out, “Xander, he’s a
man!”
“Erm… I noticed.” Xander paused. “And why do you feel the need to
point that out?” he asked, confused.
“Cause you don’t date guys!” the
vampire said, every word dripping with exasperation.
“Maybe I should go…”
Jeremy said, shifting from foot to foot.
Xander glared at Spike. What
was he up to? Why was he acting so weird? “No, it’s ok Jeremy, would you just
excuse us a minute?” He smiled warmly at his date and dragged Spike into the
kitchen
“Are you trying to ruin my date before it even starts?” he hissed
angrily.
“What date? You don’t date men!” The dumbfounded look in the
vampire’s face could not be faked.
“You’re serious?!” The boy stared
disbelievingly at the blond. “Spike, *everyone* knows I’m bisexual, how could it
have escaped your notice?”
The vampire just looked at him for a minute
before saying quietly, “You didn’t tell me.” He acted as if he was disappointed
in him.
“I thought you knew,” Xander replied, equally quietly. “I have
to go, Jeremy’s waiting for me,” he continued as he moved towards the living
room.
Spike went out a few minutes after Xander did. He needed to kill
something. The vampire didn’t know why his friend’s revelation had disturbed him
so much. He had an alarming suspicion that the fact that Xan had gone on a date
was more than a little responsible for his current homicidal mood and he liked
*that* even less. He was in love with Buffy. He may have given up on any
relationship with her, but that didn’t mean that he was over her.
He went
home at midnight, still very tense. He’d taken care of three different kinds of
demons and quite a few fledges but it’d done nothing to alleviate the feelings
of confusion and anger, so he’d decided to call it a night. “Might as well go
brood at home, and when did I turn into the blasted Poof?!” he
growled.
The vampire had never returned home to find an empty apartment
before. Xander was usually there, albeit asleep either on the couch or in his
bedroom. The emptiness struck straight to Spike’s soul. For some irrational
reason he felt abandoned. Calling himself all kinds of fool the vampire turned
around and strode right back out the door, heading for the nearest bar to drown
this annoyingly unsettling feeling in his gut.
Unlike his vampire
roommate Xander spent the night having the time of his life. Jeremy was an
eminently likable person and a highly entertaining date. They’d chatted and
laughed their way through dinner and had arranged to meet again the next day.
Getting ready for bed after returning home, the brunet sleepily smiled at the
thought of seeing Jeremy again and patted himself on the back on the
unmitigated success of his get-over-the-vampire plan. A few more dates like that
one and he’d forget all about any feelings he had for Spike beyond simple
friendship.
-------------------
Unfortunately for the vampire but to the
human’s great delight, Xander spent the next couple of weeks getting ready for a
date with Jeremy, being on a date with Jeremy or coming home from a date with
Jeremy.
Spike had managed to convince himself that he was only jealous
of the time Xander devoted to his new boyfriend; time that had previously
belonged to Spike. The brunet seemed to make time for everyone but him. The
Willow-Xander Thursday nights that the vampire used to crash whenever he felt
like it had mutated into Willow-Xander Friday lunches that he didn’t have a hope
in hell of attending in one undusted piece. The nights were now completely
devoted to Jeremy, the vampire being lucky to receive a greeting as Xander ran
into the apartment, showered and changed and then disappeared again going Hell
knew where with the boyfriend. By the time the brunet came back from his date
Spike was out patrolling. The few times the vampire made the effort to be home,
hoping to spent some time with his flatmate Xander had come in reeking of the
other man and gone straight to bed sleepily saying goodnight and wasn’t Spike
supposed to be patrolling right about now?
Xander on the other hand was
walking on cloud nine. He had just embarked on a relationship with a nice normal
guy and his life was finally going the way he wanted. Minimal exposure to Spike
meant that his unwanted feelings for the blond had abated somewhat and though he
missed his friend, he was too excited about Jeremy to think about it too much.
The young man was presently out on a date with said Jeremy and he was
happily planning the rest of their night. So far they’d fooled around a bit in
Jeremy’s couch and kissing for hours and groping through their clothes. Jeremy
kept insisting that he wasn’t ready for more but tonight Xander was determined
to take it at least a bit further. Grinning at the direction his thoughts were
taking the brunet leaned close to his boyfriend and whispered in his ear that
maybe it was time for them to head towards Jeremy’s apartment.
Safely
ensconced in Jeremy’s couch the boys followed their usual procedure of
increasingly passionate kissing. Just when Jerry was about to interrupt with a
suggestion to go home Xander whispered, “Let me touch you Jeremy, please, just
wanna touch.” He let his hand drop onto Jeremy’s lap massaging his erection,
head nuzzling into his neck licking and sucking on the skin. Jerry arched into his
lover’s hand murmuring ‘yes’ under his breath, moaning incoherently when his
trousers where expertly unbuttoned and pushed down, along with his boxers, and a
warm hand enveloped his cock.
Xander encircled his lover’s cock and
started gently pulling him, still licking and nibbling on his neck, whispering
to him, “That’s it baby, moan a little for me, I love listening to you like
this, so hot for me so right in my hand, come on sweetheart come for me, that’s
it…” Jeremy couldn’t hold back his orgasm and as he came he heard Xander
whisper hoarsely, “…that’s my Spike.”
And where the hell did that come
from?!
“Xander?”
Xander resignedly looked up to see hazel eyes
looking at him, hurt and accusations reflected in their depths. “I’m sorry Jerry
I…” he sighed, “I don’t know what to say, I’m sorry.”
Jeremy took an
unsteady breath. “Would you mind… could you leave now? Please.”
Xander
got up and moved towards the door. When he reached the exit he turned around and
timidly asked, “Could I still call you? Maybe in a few days? We could talk about
this.”
“No. I don’t think I want you to do that.”
Xander nodded
sadly and left.
-------------------
Spike slammed the front door
open and stalked into what he thought was an empty living room only to freeze
when he saw Xander sitting in the dark holding a bottle of beer.
“Why
are *you* here, I thought you had a big date,” he snapped.
“I…am a
loser.” The boy kept staring off into space his tone flat and
resigned.
“What are you on about pet?” Spike went from angry to concerned
at his flat mate’s depressed expression.
“I had a nice relationship with
a great guy. He *is* you know. Nice looking too.” Xander didn’t even hear the
vampire’s growl at his description of Jeremy and went on in the same flat
unemotional tones. “And what do I do? I screw it all up. D’you know what he
said? He asked me if I *minded* leaving. I did that to him and he asked me if I
could *please* leave.” The brunet gave a short bark of unamused laughter. “I’m
such an idiot. I should have known this would happen. Not like I ever managed to
hold together a successful relationship. Why would anyone want to stay with me?
*I* am fundamentally unwantable.”
For reasons he refused to examine, the
vampire couldn’t bear to let the boy think himself a loser, believing that no
one wanted him. So he did the only thing he could think of at the moment: he sat
down next to him on the couch and kissed him.
Xander froze for a second
before responding passionately to the kiss he’d been aching for, dreaming of for
weeks. His tongue set out to explore every single inch of Spike’s mouth and he
reached out to pull the blond closer. Xander lost himself in the sensations,
wanting this so badly he refused to think about consequences or allow either of
them to hesitate.
After what seemed like hours full of passionate kisses
Xander started tugging on Spike’s shirt trying to get it off the vampire’s body.
The vampire pulled away from him. “Xander are you sure about this?” he asked
worriedly.
“Sure I’m sure. Please take off your shirt,” the boy growled
never ceasing his attempts to remove it. Spike finally complied and shed his
shirt, throwing it next to them on the sofa. To the blond’s surprise Xander
immediately attacked his neck, peppering it with kisses trailing down to his
chest, licking across his torso and finally settling on his nipples, sucking and
biting on one and tugging at the other with his fingers. The vampire couldn’t
help but moan at the assault and arched into the brunet’s mouth, silently
begging for more. Xander thrust his hips against Spike’s rubbing their crotches
together, pressing down as hard as he could.
The boy suddenly leaped off
the couch, grabbed the blond’s hand and dragged him into the bedroom where he
resumed kissing him as thoroughly as possible, hands busy attacking the
fastening of the tight jeans his lover wore.
With the first touch on his
crotch, Spike finally threw caution to the wind and started taking a more active
role in the lovemaking. He quickly divested both of them from the rest of their
clothing, picked Xander up and laid him on the bed covering him with his body.
He kissed the boy passionately, letting his hands wander down the tanned
back and angling his hips and thrusting slightly so that their erections rubbed
together. Xander gasped breathlessly and tried to increase the friction, but
Spike wouldn’t have it.
The vampire interrupted the kiss, trailing down
Xander’s neck, before catching a nipple between his lips, giving it the same
treatment the brunet had given his before. The boy moaned and placed his hands
on Spike’s head trying to hold him in place. The vampire rested his hands on
Xander’s hips and licked down his chest, pausing to dip his tongue in the boy’s
navel. Then he stopped. Xander moaned loudly and brokenly begged for more.
“Xander? Pet, d’you have any lube?” the vampire enquired before briefly
dipping his tongue in the boy’s navel again. The brunet whimpered and directed
him to the bedside drawer.
After retrieving the tube Spike returned to
his pleasurable task, finally moving lower and engulfing the brunet’s straining
cock. Xander screamed at the feeling of cool wetness, so much better than the
dream sensation he had before. Pulling back the vampire licked the head, his
tongue dipping into the slit. At the same time he coated his fingers then
reached under to stroke along Xander's cleft. He circled and teased the boy’s
hole waiting until he bucked against the finger before slipping it inside and
crooking it slightly looking for the hidden hot spot. He lifted his head to
watch the brunet’s reaction to the penetration.
Xander tensed and
screamed as the vampire stroked his prostate. “Again Spike, do it again,” he
tremulously commanded. One more finger was added before the blond obeyed his
lover’s instruction stroking the nub again, smiling at the breathless moans and
entreaties coming out of Xander’s mouth begging him not to stop, to do it again,
to give him more. A third finger came to play and Spike happily stretched the
boy out, enjoying the reactions of his lover’s body until Xander couldn’t take
it anymore.
“Please Spike fuck me…I need more…please,” he whispered
between moans and shudders, hands grabbing the vampire’s shoulders, trying to
pull him up and into position.
Unable to hold himself back any longer,
the blond pulled his fingers from Xander’s twitching hole and slicked his cock
as quickly as he could. He turned his lover around and lifted him onto his
elbows and knees. He pressed the crown of his cock to the tight pucker and
slowly pushed inside. He kept pressing forward, groaning at the heat and
tightness, until he was completely enveloped and then he paused, trying to give
the boy time to adjust.
“Oh God Spike, don’t stop, please don’t stop, I
need you to move, just fuck me please Spike please,” Xander babbled deliriously,
thrusting his hips and trying to force the vampire to move.
The vampire
started a slow steady rhythm calculated to drive the recipient crazy, making
sure to rub against Xander’s prostate every couple of thrusts. The brunet tried
again to thrust against his lover’s cock, finally bursting out, “Spike, damnit
fuck me harder, please, you’re driving me nuts”.
“Whatever you say, pet,”
the blond whispered and began to thrust harder, faster, now hitting that sweet
spot with every move. He reached down and wrapped his fist around the boy’s hard
cock, pulling in time with his thrusts.
“That’s it baby, so hot, so
tight, feels so good, can’t wait much longer pet, gonna cum, cum with me
Xan…please luv,” Spike ground out, fucking Xander even harder, fisting the boy’s
cock with renewed intensity.
“So close Spike…don’t stop…” the brunet
shouted, feeling his sac draw up and he screamed out Spike’s name as he
climaxed.
The blond felt the boy’s hole tightening and rippling around
his sensitive cock and he growled as he too came before collapsing over his
lover. Almost immediately he moved off Xander, to lie on his back next to him.
The brunet snuggled against him and promptly fell asleep, not noticing the
sadness evident in his lover’s eyes the minute the act ended.
Spike spent
most of the night alternating between feeling guilty about what he perceived
taking advantage of his friend and trying to find a way to explain what happened
to Xander.
-------------------
Xander woke up to find ice blue eyes
watching him thoughtfully. He smiled sleepily at the blond hoarsely saying
good-morning.
“Xander, we need to talk.”