The Danger of Chinese Saunas

"Okay. China is off the list too," Xander muttered, folding the newspaper and leaning his elbows on his knees to read, dislodging Spike's head from his thigh in the process.

Spike grumbled irritably, shifting around until he was comfortable again. "Harris, is this your way of getting me used to the fact that you hate traveling?"

"No, no--I'm serious. Check out this article." Xander turned the paper, holding it in front of Spike's face the right way up for him.

"Oh, bloody hell, no..." Spike waved the paper away, tucking his hand behind his head, index finger brushing back and forth over Xander's inseam. "Pet, I could tell you more about sex in China than any buggering article."

Xander slouched back into the couch, making more room between his legs for Spike's fingers, should they choose to explore further. "Ahh, but could you tell me about the dangers of Chinese saunas?"

Spike gave Xander a look of perfect blankness.

"See? Not about sex today. I am capable of expanding my horizons. The amazing expanding Xandman."

"Expanding at the waistline, more like." Spike poked with his free hand.

"Hey--haven't heard you complaining lately, pal." Xander thumped his midsection with a satisfactory lack of jiggle. ...this week. "And until you stopped with the fingery fun, I was expanding below the waistline."

"Right." Spike rolled his head against the juncture of hip and thigh, nestling up against the Amazing Expanding Xandman Bit until it nestled back. "Right, now we've got that straightened out, tell me about Chinese saunas and why they're so dangerous that you won't be setting foot in China."

Xander's breath left him in a rush. "Well, okay, mostly kidding about refusing to set foot in China, but this one's pretty hard to believe."

"Xander?"

"Yeah?"

"Get on with it, or I'll stop this and go back to sleep."

"Kinky much? Are you starting to get off on the news, Spike?"

"I'm getting off on getting you off on the news. Now get on with it, Pavlov."

"Huh?"

"Never mind. China. Saunas. Get on with it." Spike's fingers slid down, giving Xander's thigh a squeeze hard enough to make him yip. "But remember, you stop talking? I stop moving."

Xander's eye went unfocused as Spike turned his face into Xander's lap for a bit of free-style zipper exploration. "Haa. China. Uh. Inner Mongolia actually. Muh."

"Doesn't count as talking unless it's actual words, Harris," Spike said, tugging Xander's zipper down and nuzzling his way inside.

"Spike!"

"China," Spike said to his cock, which jumped up in agreement. "Mongolia. Saunas."

"A boiler that exploded at a Chinese sauna sailed over a six-story building and landed on an old man crossing the road, Xinhua news agency -ugh- said. The 63-year-old ... pedestrian was killed ... gah .... instantly and three -fuck- three people injured in Sunday's bizarre accident in Baotou, ... Inner .... Mongolia, .... Xinhua-ahhh...! Fuck. Spike..."

Spike stretched, licking his lips and tucking both hands behind his head, looking up into Xander's flushed face with an expression of supreme contentment. "Foul mouths those news reporters have on them these days. All that fuck and gah and that lot. Think they'd been having orgasms over their tape recording things."

"You are a bad, bad vampire."

"What was that word again?" Spike pressed a finger to his chin, face screwed up in concentration. "Oh. Yeah. Duh?"

Xander's hand dropped to Spike's hair, combing through the curls. "Very bad. You gonna put me back where you found me?" He looked pointedly to his cock, nestled against the hollow of Spike's cheek.

"Nah." Spike smiled slowly, turning his head to give it a long cat-like lick. "You might find another news story to read me, and I'll be needing it out then, won't I? So tell me, pet, what else is going on in the wide world of news today?"