"H-how should I wait for you?"

"On your knees, I think. Yeah. I like on your knees. Hands back. Like this. See how it pushes everything out for me to look at?"

"X-xander..."

"We don't have to do this, Will."

A kiss. A single, lingering, trembling kiss. "I want to."

"Then wait for me like this, sweetheart. At exactly six o'clock, I'll be home, and it starts. Gonna make you all mine."

"M-make me all better?" Embarrassment, at even this oblique reference to what William wants.

A shiver as Xander's hand draws down over William's spine, but stops above the belt. Where he always stops. Won't stop anymore after six o'clock that evening. "All better."

William's hands shook as he unbuttoned his shirt, keeping one eye on the clock. It had been all he could do to force himself to wait until five-thirty to prepare. All day had been an agony of remembering.

Some elements of learning to live in this strange new world were simple. There were still books, thank goodness, and television wasn't all that difficult to master. At least not once William recognized which channels he should stay far, far away from. Music Television, William had learned quickly, was less about music than about flesh. And flesh was at the heart of a much more difficult part of the modern age to reconcile with his upbringing.

And much more difficult to avoid than he'd ever dreamed. William felt a hot flush spread over his cheeks as he removed his shirt, the cool basement air making his hairs stand on end as if to remind him how exposed he was, in a basement like a servant-

But his developing modern mind whispered a different story. *This is Xander's basement. Xander's home. You're undressing for him. To- to- share pleasure with him.* William looked down at the shirt in his hands, wrinkled now from being clutched tight. God, what was he that he couldn't even think such watered down thoughts without tremors?

*A Victorian.*

*Yes. But this is no longer the Victorian age, and...I want him.*

*Then you know what you have to do.*

A shiver, more anticipatory this time, worked its way through William, and he folded the shirt neatly, laying it on the unfolded sofa bed.

Xander had been so patient. Reassuring William that there was nothing wrong with desires, and nothing wrong with acting on those desires. And William knew that. He did, truly. But a terror of flesh, of pleasures of the flesh, bred into him from a young age wouldn't let him go. It was terrible. Like a stern black-cloaked nanny scowling over his shoulder with disapproval whenever he- thought.

And oh, how the television could make him think.

Xander had walked in on him the night before, curled into a ball on the end of the couch, staring with fascinated horror at a documentary on the ancient Greeks. The fact or fiction, he later learned, of Alexander's bisexuality was the topic. In lovingly re-enacted detail.

He'd jumped when Xander had made his presence known, dropping the remote with a clatter, certain that Xander could smell the musk of illicit desire that must certainly have been rolling off him by then, but instead, he'd only taken the remote, and gestured at the TV. "Want it off?"

Right then, he had. He'd wanted the television and its temptation off so badly. But not because what it showed was so wrong. Intellectually, he accepted what Xander told him. That these days, it wasn't wrong. That it couldn't be wrong between two consenting, desirous adults.

He believed it.

But he couldn't do it. When he tried to speak the words, his throat closed in a horror of shame.

When he went to touch Xander, casual and sweet like Xander's touches that always made him burn, his hand shook so badly that he snatched it away before he could make contact.

But oh, how he still wanted if only he could break through that one, last barrier.

And in a rush of embarrassment at being caught out watching well-formed limbs twining on white sheets and blue pillows suffused with gold, William had told Xander this. All of it. Even told him about the forbidding figure of that nanny always watching him, and Xander hadn't laughed.

Instead, he'd only taken William's shaking hands and asked: "What do you need?"

And William had answered: "Show me. Teach me. Everything. And don't let me say no, because I want it. Want you."

So Xander had promised. And told him how to wait, and those simple pictures painted were enough to leave him both terrified and in a state of shameful arousal all day until when Xander's mother had come down the stairs to use the laundry machines, he'd hidden himself in the bathroom and not come out again until the dryer cycle had ended.

William realized that he was staring into space, his hands locked fast on belt and buckle. He cast a startled glance at the clock, feeling his heart pound as the small hand crept up on the eight.

He struggled with the button and zip of his jeans, wriggling them off his legs in the center of the basement, feeling his skin heat with a rush of blood to the surface, but Xander had said...

"I want you to strip in the basement. Right in the middle where I could see you if I was watching from the windows. Fold everything neatly, and then go take your shower. Feel the air on your skin. Really feel it. Cause you're not gonna be wearing clothes again until I'm done with you."

William fairly ran to the bathroom, locking himself within and leaning on the door, fingers clenched at his sides in an agony of mortification and anticipation. It hurt the rush of blood making his - even in his mind, William stumbled over the word, Xander's word, and forced himself on - his cock harder than it had ever been before. Unable to hide beneath layers of fabric and strategically placed books.

Shaking hands turned on the shower taps, and William wrapped his arms around himself, waiting for the water to warm. In the half-finished bathroom with its shower stall and clap-board walls, William had nothing to do but stand and think, stand and think. Xander's return would be a relief in freeing him from the thinking that seemed to focus on the heat and pulse in his groin and his nipples that stood out hard and sensitive in the cool air.

He felt more watched than he ever had before with a servant helping him into the bath.

Unable to bear waiting any longer, William stepped into the shower as soon as the water was not-cold enough to bear on his skin, and tipped his head back under the spray, attempting to relax with long, slow breaths. It was only a shower. Simply a shower like any other, only it wasn't. It was a shower to leave him sweet smelling, and soft for Xander's touches.

And oh that had done it. William let his head fall forward with a groan, staring with mingled shame and fascination at the drop of fluid emerging from the tip of his shaft at no more than a thought. His mind raced back to the one time, one time Xander had touched him there, shown him how good it could be with his rough, large hand so hot and quick on his-

William sucked in a quick breath at the pulse of *lust. This is...lust* that shook him and lowered a hesitant hand to himself, closing around so-hard flesh and stroking tentatively, his touch so much more soft than Xander's had been. Impulsively, William grabbed the soap, lathering his hands, and dropping them again to his cock, unable to stifle the moan that emerged with how good it felt to stroke all slick and tight over that throbbing flesh. He found himself light-headed, as if his blood was rushing - no, raging now, through his veins, then jerked his hands away with a sharp gasp as he felt the instant tightness in his testicles. He flattened both hands against the shower tiles, trying to calm down from the pounding in his ears.

He. Couldn't.

But Xander could.

Quickly, efficiently, William finished washing himself, lingering only over rinsing the sweet-smelling conditioner from his hair to leave it silky, because Xander liked to stroke it.

As mother had.

William jerked the water off hard and quickly enough to wrench his wrist in horror. He would not think of mother naked and indecently hard. Her soft hands smoothing through his hair so soothingly-

William fled the bathroom in terror, drying himself, shivering, in the middle of the basement instead as if he could physically run away from his thoughts that had absolutely no place here. No place now.

And perhaps he could. Out here, surrounded by odd colors and muted underground scents, and the vaguely floral tang of laundry products, it was easier to draw his mind back to Xander. Back to the chaste kiss he'd awakened to that morning as Xander left for work, and the promise of an end to that chastity when he came home.

Without his glasses, William squinted at the clock.

Fifty past five.

William was conscious of the soft trickle of water down his back as it dripped from his curls and dried in the basement air no matter how much he rubbed and squeezed with the sodden towel. After a moment's fumbling, and a wary listen to the sounds above to be certain the Harris elders were still out of the house, William turned on the hair dryer (wonderful invention), closed his eyes, and let the warmth and muted roar soothe him.

When he opened his eyes again, Xander was sitting on the bed wearing nothing but a pair of faded blue jeans.  And watching him with an expression so focused it felt physical and utterly took William's breath away. He looked at the clock in startlement. Five fifty-eight. And lifted a hand to his hair, fluffy and crackling with static. "You're early," he said, and cursed himself for the inanity.

"With this at home, I couldn't wait," Xander said, gesturing at William from head to toe in a way that made William remember his nakedness and flush, moving to cover himself, then freezing as Xander said softly: "Don't." William licked his lips, utterly still. "Put the dryer down and come over here, and wait for me the way I told you to, okay?" His voice was so gentle, as if William was a skittish animal.

The thought that he must look so frightened only strengthened William's resolve, and he lifted his chin, setting down the hair dryer and walked with pounding heart and watery knees to the bed, shuffling onto it, kneeling, and folding his hands together behind his back in that way that made it impossible to hide.

He was through hiding, and lifted his eyes to Xander's, pleading silently with him to understand. If he could get through this once, just once, without the wrath of a modest god and terrifying nannies striking him down, he was so certain he'd be free of it.

"This all from thinking about me?" Xander asked, leaning across the bed to trail his fingertips from William's root to bared tip, sweeping them through the moisture gathering there and bringing it to his lips as William watched in horrified fascination, trembling on the verge from simply watching Xander's fingers slide in, out, so slick and- William closed his eyes with a sharp gasp, not wanting it to be over. "Hey, sweetheart. Open your eyes again."

Xander's palm was warm against William's cheek and he nuzzled into it, drawing on the strength there to force his eyes open, to watch Xander's finger descend again, touch, and rise to William's lips.

"Like I did," Xander said, painting the slick fluid over William's lower lip until he opened his mouth with a moan, trying his best to imitate Xander's seductive movements, cradling that strong finger on his tongue, swirling over the callus on the side, the nail, trimmed short and smooth, the taste-

William flinched, but darted forward as Xander started to withdraw his finger. He closed his eyes trying to capture that taste, musk, bitterness, and salt and something that reminded him of summer afternoons, and under it, the flavor of Xander himself. William settled back onto his heels with a sigh, letting Xander's finger go, and shyly lifting his eyes because he could feel the blush spreading over him, and knew he must be appallingly red by now.

"Okay?"

William shook his head. "Don't - don't ask, Xander. Do." If Xander asked. If Xander gave him a choice, William knew he would have to think, and then it would all fall apart. "Don't give me time to think."

"Then I want you to watch." Xander's fingers painted a trail of warm down William's throat, and over his chest, flicking against a nipple in a way that made William's body jerk as if an electric switch had been thrown. William closed his eyes with a moan, and cried out when Xander's fingers caught that small nub of flesh and pinched. "Watch," Xander insisted in a tone so firm William felt as if his eyelids had been glued open, as if he was watching someone else's hand on someone else's body that sent shocks and tingles through him.

Xander's palm slid lower, pressed against the quivering muscles in William's belly, circling there despite the way William twitched and flinched with every odd flutter of nerves when those rough fingers skirted too close to his sides.

"Ticklish?"

"I- I-" William's head swam, and his throat closed over the words, and his thighs shook with the effort of not rubbing lustfully against any part of Xander he could reach.

"Tell me," Xander said, circling William's navel with his fingertips, pale against the obscene red flush of blood marring William's skin, and he was so hard, so hard, standing so tall that the backs of Xander's knuckles almost brushed the fevered crown.

"Yes," he gasped, hoping it was the right answer, hoping for more, and dropping back onto his elbows with a whimper as Xander's fingers skated lower into that hair, and stroked him as if he were a trembling, mewling pet. Before his horrified eyes, he watched a thick pulse of fluid bubble forth, then stretch, dripping down onto his belly. Instantly, shamefully, William darted a hand forward to wipe it away, eyes snapping up when Xander caught his wrist roughly.

"Leave it." His touch gentled, and Xander crouched forward, turning William's hand over, and tracing his tongue along *the heart line* William realized with a sudden pounding of his own heart. "I like it. Lay back, but keep watching." Xander cupped a hand behind William's head, lowering him into the pillows.

Xander looked so gentle with his lip bitten like that, so tender the way he watched William's face, and William wanted to touch so badly he shook when Xander trailed his fingers back over his jaw, and kissed them dazedly when they passed over his mouth, feeling the tingle left behind by their roughness on his swollen lower lip.

"Still watching?" Xander asked, peeking up at William through a tangle of dark hair in a way that was - *So beautiful. A man shouldn't be beautiful. So...*

William's thoughts scattered as Xander dipped, the muscles shifting sleekly in his arms to hold him up and then - then - William shuddered as he watched Xander's tongue drag across his stomach, swirl though the sticky pool dripping from his aching, aching cock and disappear behind so-red lips, an expression of such blatant pleasure on Xander's face, so shameless, so-

*Want him!*

"You taste like tea." Xander's words chilled the skin he'd licked clean, and feathered across the tip of William's cock as Xander lay his cheek on William's stomach. They both watched as one finger traced the vein throbbing on the under-side of William's erection, circled the foreskin, and up, and up in a slow lazy spiral that left William whimpering, his eyes unfocused because it hurt. "Want this," Xander said, rose, and sucked William neatly into warmth and wet and heat the likes of which William had never imagined and he cried out, flinging his head back desperately, thrusting into that slick, hungry suction and shattered, collapsing hoarsely as he came so hard he briefly wondered if this was dying.

Didn't care if this was dying as his heart pounded and his balls throbbed and ached, and he could feel the humiliating spurts and splashes within Xander's mouth, and oh, he didn't care, didn't care, felt so good...

William came to himself with a low moan, tingling from his fingers to his toes, almost numb now from the awkward position of his legs bent under him, but soothed by Xander's hands roaming up and down his thighs. "Open your eyes, sweetheart. Want to see you watching me." Xander's voice, so sweet, so gentle coaxed William's eyes open.

The colors seemed so bright around him, and he could only let Xander unfold his legs, kissing his way up one, then down the other until he nipped at William's ankle, sending a flash of arousal along still-sensitive nerves. "Oh," he breathed, unable express anything more coherent.

Xander kissed and nipped his way back to William's inner knee, sweeping his hands along his outer thighs. "You're gonna like this," he said, and before William could protest that he already liked this very much, Xander was pushing William's legs upwards, spreading them, spreading him in the most exposed way until William could only stare at him in shock. "Hold these."

"I-"

William felt as if a nerve had been severed between his mind and body, nothing but tremors and sparks existing beneath his head as Xander took one hand, then the other, and hooked them behind William's knees until William himself was clutching his thighs, spread wide and open, and-

He turned his face away so he wouldn't have to see so- so-

"Watch," Xander said, and William didn't even think to disobey, though his breath came fast and shallow, and he felt dizzy with exposure.

"What-?"

"Just watch," Xander insisted, then licked William from balls to hardening tip, already feeling that willing, needy ache building within him again.

"A-again?"

"Nah. Something different this time. You'll like it."

William wanted to assure Xander that he knew he'd like it, but couldn't find the words, then yelped in utter shock and shame as Xander lifted his testicles and licked beneath. He couldn't possibly mean to- Like an animal, he- Sensation shivered along William's nerves and he jerked, though he didn't let go of his legs, clutching them hard enough to leave bruises. "Xander, no!"

"Trust me."

"I-"

"Trust me," Xander said again, and bit William's inner thigh, the pleasurepain shooting through the fiery mass of nerves that had once been a body utterly under William's control. "Trust me," he said one more time, and the slick circling of Xander's tongue on the bite drew away any will William had left to protest with until he could only moan when Xander returned to that most indecent of places, that most-

"Oh, oh!" He could feel muscles fluttering against Xander's tongue, wanting more, yet fighting the instinct that said no, and he pulled his legs higher, wider, and rocked his head restlessly against the pillow, chanting nonsense and profanities under his breath like "no" and "please" and "more" and "God!". And arched against the thin mattress as that hot slick muscle breached him, flickering within, curling obscenely and taking him until William's world narrowed to the pinpoint of sensation that was Xander's- *Tongue, tongue, oh god, oh god! Yesyesyes!* within him. And then it fluttered there and William's thoughts scattered like a flock of startled birds, leaving him empty, and wet and shivering, feeling the come dripping down his cheek and over his collarbone, lifting astonished eyes to Xander's wicked gaze.

"Told you you'd like that," Xander said, resting his weight on the backs of William's thighs and leaning forward to lick up that trail of come sliding beneath the curve of William's cheekbone. William gasped, both at the heat of Xander's tongue, and the knowledge of where it had been and at the tantalizing brush of Xander's fabric-covered hardness against his own spent length. "Now," he said, lowering his mouth to William's ear, whispering there as he dotted kisses along the rim, "I'm going to fuck you."

A jolt of instinctive fear and shame made a weak rally along William's spine, but he found he could only moan beneath Xander, listen, dazed, as he lowered the zip of his jeans and wriggled out of them. He groaned as he first felt the hot heaviness of another man's erection against his hole, nudging up, slickly and lewdly beneath his balls, wanting, more than the shame, more than the fear, too sated, too good feeling to not want. "Please."

"You sound so sexy saying please." Xander's voice had roughened, and William felt a thrill shiver through him at the realization that it was him making Xander sound that way, and boldly turned his head, dragged his tongue along the sharp line of Xander's jaw to latch and suckle at his ear in the way that had felt so nice when Xander did it to him. "Jesus. Sweetheart, you learn so fast." Xander lifted his head, looking down into William's eyes with such intense tenderness that he only gasped at the slight burn as Xander breached him with a slick finger and he caught the faint scent of cinnamon and clove. "You're so tight."

William felt tight, and Xander's fingers felt huge but wonderful, the slide of those work-roughened knuckles in and out leaving him shivering wantonly beneath Xander, wanting more. "Please more," he whispered, hoping it was - enough - to make Xander understand that it didn't hurt badly. That he was ready for more. That he wanted more. He dug his fingernails into the back of his thighs, arching his spine as a second finger entered with the first, rubbing over that so-sensitive spot that still sent sparks of ache and need and pleasure to his spent cock until he was shuddering with it, and yet- and yet-

Xander shifted, pulling his fingers from William's body, and then pressing with a slick heat that made William's eyes widen, breath flutter in his chest with the knowledge of what was happening, as Xander pushed in, breaching him slow, and slick, and hard, and so big William felt as if he was being split in two, and it was wonderful.

And he knew that he was chanting again, breathless words like more and please and nonsense that had no meaning at all because he could feel Xander's heartbeat within him and how could this possibly be wrong when his very heart swelled with the need for more? He couldn't imagine feeling any closer to anyone than he felt in this moment with Xander, held throbbing and tight within him. Heartbeat - to heartbeat.

William's hands trembled as he sought, then caught that beloved face between them, drawing Xander's lips to his to kiss, and taste, feel like the slicked slide within him that left him feeling on fire, and so wonderful and so alive, and so right, and-

A third orgasm, tingling and electric shivered through William, and he tasted salt tears in the kiss, heard himself moan at the hot throb and splash within that he knew was Xander coming before he became a warm, and damp, and sated weight on William's body that he clutched to him, feeling two pounding hearts slow gradually.

Xander mumbled an incoherent apology, shifting to move his weight from William's body, but William tightened his limbs, clutched Xander close, and wouldn't let him go.

"Stay," he whispered, burying a still trembling hand in the lush waves of Xander's hair, savoring the blissful heat and slide of skin against skin and two bodies with no secrets left between them. How...could this ever have been thought evil, thought wrong? "Xander..."

"Is that...what you needed?" A hesitant note had crept into Xander's voice, and William opened his eyes, lifted his head to scatter soft kisses across lips and jaw and throat.

"Yes." He let out his breath, realizing that he'd been all but holding it, feeling the room spin pleasantly. "Oh yes." Xander lowered his head to William's shoulder, and William could feel him smile against his skin, resuming the soft stroking of his hair. "It - it was once believed," he began, the memory only a memory now, its power over him gone, "that every orgasm lessened a man's life-span by five minutes, but I feel so alive..." He realized that Xander was shaking - no, laughing, and lifted his head. "What's so funny?" A sudden flicker of worry skittered through his mind.

Xander lifted his head, kissing it away sweetly, granting William one of those wide, lazy, happy grins that made his heart melt and his mind long for the perfect rhyme to "Xander". "Just...if that was true, by my estimate, I would have died an old man some time during my Junior year in high school."

The last of the lingering tension in William's stomach broke, and he found himself laughing, then crying, though he should be laughing, not crying, because he felt wonderful, and then Xander was wiping his tears away and kissing him again, and he felt so good.

Yes. Good.

Complete.

Ready.

And no longer afraid.