Part 3 ~ Ben is the worst best friend...

Bright and early on Monday morning, Ray almost did a little dance along the path as he headed toward the mail box with its upright flag. This present was more substantial than the others and he had to battle his inclination to open it immediately – delayed gratification absolutely wasn’t his thing, but neither was being sprung by either sister if they happened to look out of the window and spot unfamiliar and intriguing behaviour.

Much as he had the previous Tuesday, he pulled over a block from the house and dove into the packaging. When he opened this box he froze for a moment, so unexpected was this particular gift. He lifted the pewter tankard from where it was nestled in its protective layer of tissue paper and admired it, studying the Vecchio coat of arms that was engraved into the gleaming surface.

There was a piece of paper tucked inside, with descriptions of the main features in the crest. An eagle, wings spread, sat in the centre. The posture, Ray read to himself, typically symbolised power, freedom, nobility, foresight, and clarity. Beneath the eagle was a stag, representing wisdom and endurance, and…

“It can also represent fortitude, perseverance, and a strong commitment to protection,” Ray read aloud, once and then a second time. It was very nearly a statement of how Ray functioned as a cop.

To his shock, the emotion of that hit him like a low flying brick. He couldn’t recall the last time he’d thought about his choice of profession in any depth, or let himself acknowledge his pride in the service he was able to perform for his community. But it was still there, beneath the cocky attitude and the bluster, the need to do the right thing, to protect those who couldn’t protect themselves.

Ben already knew, of course, it was exactly what he’d been talking about at the hospital, when Ray had tried to dismiss the accuracy of his observations. At this point in time, Ray suspected that Ben knew him better than anyone ever had, and wasn’t that an admission and a half.

But what explained the need to keep his deeper feelings to himself? His father being exactly the kind of role model he hadn’t needed? Ask him to do a favour and he acted like he’d been mortally wounded! Give a neighbour a ride to the hospital? Lend the lawnmower? Change a light bulb for his pal who’d broken his wrist? All too intrusive and liberty-taking. Nothing was too little trouble.

Remembering his father being bombastic over the smallest of personal inconveniences made Ray crack a smile. It also reminded him of why he thought the world of Ben.

But what Ben had presented him with… Fancy reading a piece of history that showed you the best you could aspire to, and being scared of the responsibility.

Calmer now he’d had time to think, and taken all the information, plus his reaction to it, on board, Ray read all of the information for a final time. He accepted that he’d never be able to live up to all of the crest’s expectations, but maybe the clarity he personally possessed ensured he was honest enough to realise that.

Benny, however…

Ray needed to make a call. He glanced at his watch. The countdown to Ben’s work shift began.

…

“Is that how you see me?” Ray asked the moment Ben answered the phone.

“Good morning, Ray.”

“Because I don’t think I can live up to that.”

Surprised by Ray’s vehemence, Ben considered for a moment.

“I think you’re taking it too personally.”

“You don’t think maybe that’s because it is so personal?”

“A tribute to your lineage, it’s not symbolic of any expectations of you as a person. Although…”

“What? Although what?”

“It is very insightful.”

Exactly what Ray had thought, and now he was haranguing Ben over it.

“I… It was a shock, and I can’t really tell you why.”

“The meanings behind the crest do describe a lot of what I see in you. You’re already living up to it.”

“You see it,” Ray said. “Maybe that’s the problem. I’m not comfortable with being seen, not like that. It’s not like I want to be taken for granted, but there are parts of me that I feel happier to keep under the radar.”

“Do you feel that people will think less of you, or take advantage if they become aware of your well hidden depths? Compassion and devotion to duty aren’t weaknesses, Ray, they’re strengths.”

How the hell did he do that? Ray wondered, appalled at Ben’s perception. He didn’t just know Ray better than anyone else, he apparently knew Ray better than he knew himself.

“I can’t explain. It was just very… I don’t know, overwhelming, to see it spelt out like that.”

“I didn’t mean it to touch a nerve. I’m sorry if it made you uncomfortable.”

“No, it’s special, really special. It’ll get pride of place at home, all the Vecchio’s get to share it. But… Jeez, Benny. No more, okay? My heart can’t take it.”

Ray had clearly missed the point: it was his heart that Ben was aiming at.

“Understood.”

“God, that was a lie, why can’t you lie better?” Ray demanded, humour already creeping back into his voice.

Ben chuckled and hung up the phone.

Ray sat and tried a few deep breaths, impressed and unreasonably irritated and feeling like he had an itch somewhere that he couldn’t reach to scratch. Benton friggin’ Fraser. He was sometimes the worst best friend, with his insight and cleverness and saying the absolute right thing at the wrong time.

So much for the measured and unflappable Ray Vecchio who would undermine the Mountie’s plans through emotional restraint.

If emotional restraint had been one of the traits on the crest, that beautiful, inspiring damn tankard would have found itself lobbed into Lake Michigan.

…

Ben sat mentally dissecting his strategy of ‘appreciation’ and wondering if he’d irreparably overstepped a mark. Ray had not been his usual vociferous self, he’d sounded genuinely troubled, and that was not where Ben had intended this to go.

If Ray was feeling insecure in any way the need to reassure him became top priority for the day. From mid-morning on Ben had time to spare and once he left the Consulate his intention was to re-establish their status quo as firmly as possible. He would find an improbable cause, rope Ray in, get them both neck deep in trouble, then between them they’d endeavour to resolve the whole issue in as ludicrous a way as possible.

Sometimes, normality was key.

…

Several hours later, Ben waited at Ray’s desk while the man himself was getting cleaned up. Ben’s attire was, as ever, spotless. As he waited he pondered over how uncanny it was that Ray was always in the wrong right place when detritus came their way.

Lieutenant Welsh emerged from his office to confirm what he’d heard, although at this point, the more improbable the story, the more likely it was to be true if the Mountie was involved.

“So, there was a monkey?”

“Yes, Sir. Responsible for the jewel thefts. Although, not independently. His handler has been arrested and the monkey collected by Animal Services.”

“How did you even find out about the monkey?”

“The parrot was completely indiscreet.”

Welsh accepted that speechlessly and reversed into his office, closing the door without another word.

Ray returned from the washroom, almost squeaky clean, but there was nothing much he could do about his suit until he’d been home for a change of clothes. The tie had been protected, Ray having started to habitually stash it in the Riv’s glove compartment before things got crazy, as on this occasion when the monkey started flinging the contents of a food stall. The tie now stood out as a spotless beacon amidst the stains.

“Boy, I needed that,” Ray said with a smile as he sat behind his desk.

“You missed a spot.”

“Yes, that would be the entire suit,” Ray acknowledged as he examined the seven different menu options besmirching today’s attire. “For once I don’t care, because… I mean it, I needed that, the…everything. That was real life, right there. Our real life. I needed that.”

Ben beamed to see Ray so satisfied with his lot, and took a seat on the visitor’s chair.

“I was wondering, if tonight…”

“Don’t push your luck,” Ray warned. “One suit a day you can ruin. One.”

“No, this is suit safe. We could have dinner and afterwards, there’s a movie I thought you might enjoy.”

Ray stared at Ben, eyebrow cocked.

“That sounds like a date, and the answer is no.”

“But we often…”

“Nope.”

“Apparently there’s an extensive car chase.”

Ray wavered for just a moment.

“Nope.”

Ben paused in thought, before…

“I can always ask someone else,” he casually suggested.

“Go ahead. Warn them to bring Scotchgard.”

“Wouldn’t you be just a little bit jealous?”

“No, that’s ridiculous,” Ray lied. “It would be good for you. Why wouldn’t I want something that’d be good for you? As your best friend?”

With a nod and a sigh, Ben stood to go.

“Understood.”

“Maybe another night? When you’ve got over…y’know.”

“Could take a while.”

“Well, my wisdom and endurance think that’ll be fine.”

Watching Ben head for the exit, Ray’s attention was caught by the flash of red hair that was Shona, the computer expert, who had abandoned her technical companions for a chat with the Mountie. Paying close attention to the interaction, Ray tamped down any suspicion of ridiculous jealousy, due to it being ridiculous. Just a couple of nice people, having a nice conversation nicely, and not making nice plans for anything other than—

The pencil in Ray’s hands snapped in two.

…

Several days of the usual followed, the usual being Ben loitering at the station house far more than the Consulate, and the three of them – Diefenbaker included, naturally – solving Ray’s cases and having a satisfying, if sometimes perilous, time doing it.

The tankard was mentioned in respect of the welcome it had received in the Vecchio household, and Ray apologetically explained that he’d had to fabricate its origins just so the interrogation squad at home didn’t leap to any conclusions. Ben accepted Ray’s position, and was perfectly charming about it. That made Ray feel exceedingly guilty, so they saw the movie with the car chase.

Nothing untoward happened, Ben was the perfect friend and the best company, and Ray began to relax.

Until Thursday, when the flag was up on the mail box. Ray broke into a cold sweat, having learnt his lesson about exciting surprises and unexpected repercussions, and cautiously peered into the mail box as if this time it might actually be a bomb. The smallest package yet, once again perfectly presented, but no label.

He slipped it into his pocket and drove to work, but when he got there he realised the lack of privacy was less than ideal, and moved a block away before parking up. It was tempting to call Ben before he opened the package, just to be forewarned, moments before telling himself he was being an idiot and that there was no way Ben would give him something that could be in any way as unsettling as, not the tankard, but the message that went with it.

Taking a deep breath, Ray peeled away the paper. He couldn’t stop the delighted laugh that emerged when he saw what he’d been given. Dangling from a keychain was a perfect little Buick Riviera. Forget the tie, this was love at first sight with a vengeance. There would be no, ‘Oh, you shouldn’t have,’ where this was concerned. It was green. The hood actually opened!

With a flurry of excitement Ray transferred his keys over to the new chain and sat admiring his latest treasure for a few minutes before getting on with the day.

…

When Ben received a delivery of twenty-four assorted doughnuts from Ray’s favourite bakery he knew he’d got the latest gift right. In the currency of doughnuts, two dozen was a jackpot and Ben was elated: making Ray happy made his day, every time, and smugness radiated off him as he handed the pastries around to all and sundry at the Consulate.

Everything was back on the right track, Ben was sure of that.

And then he remembered what he’d committed himself to at the weekend.

…

“Hey, Benny, what are we doing tonight?”

“Tonight?”

“It’s a Saturday night, no work tomorrow, let’s hit the town.”

“I’m sorry, Ray, but I do actually have a previous engagement.”

“Work again? I thought it was just the morning shift.”

It occurred to Ben to lie but, although he considered himself to be quite intelligent, honesty won the day.

“Not work, no. A commitment I made when we weren’t seeing so much of each other.”

“Okay.”

“Perhaps tomorrow, we could…?”

“Sure, sure,” Ray sounded too agreeable to be believed.

“I’m sorry.”

“No, don’t be, I’ll…phone around, someone will be free.”

“Ray…”

“It’s fine. Have a good night.”

As Ben sat staring at the phone wondering if, quite unintentionally, he was about to pull the pin on that grenade Ray had once mentioned, Ray sat staring at the phone wondering… Just wondering. Ben hadn’t sounded happy that he was missing out on their evening, so was something questionable going on tonight that he didn’t want to get Ray involved in? No, it couldn’t be so obvious. After all, Ben knew that Ray loved getting involved in questionable goings on. Between them, questionable goings on were their raison d'être.

If Ben was in trouble he’d be honest about it, wouldn’t he. Well, wouldn’t he? Ray didn’t like the feel of this at all. He should have learnt his lesson last time, when he’d ended up following Ben into a rat’s gang bang of an alley, but tonight… Stalker mode was re-engaged.

…

Ray was dressed like a veritable ninja, all in black and doing his best to be as unrecognisable as possible, swaddled in low hat, high scarf – if it hadn’t been dark out he’d have gone straight for the sunglasses.

Tonight he chose a different skulking place than last time, just in case Ben was keeping an eye out because, if Ray was honest, and their situation was reversed, he knew he’d be.

And there was the Mountie, out of uniform and looking very smart casual, not exactly what he’d usually wear to embrace the something questionable, but maybe he was playing a part. A very handsome part, it had to be acknowledged. There wasn’t much scrubbing up to do, Ben being Teflon coated compared to Ray, but he scrubbed up very well indeed.

Ray experienced an unexpected pang of guilt about his behaviour. Ben had a right to do whatever he wanted on a free night, in fact Ray had been actively encouraging it. And now Ben was doing it? Too late to worry about it, Ray tried fooling himself as he fell into pursuit. Anything like the last time he’d get caught, and he and Ben could spend the evening either in dire straits, or in a bar. He didn’t believe that either. Ben was a man on a mission.

Ben led Ray to a pleasant house in a respectable street and, as Ray ducked down behind a parked car, he entered an establishment that in no way sang of shady deals and rescuing damsels in distress, so there was that theory blown.

After a few minutes an unfamiliar man emerged and got into a car, driving past Ray as he ducked further out of sight. He peered after the vehicle, memorising the number plate just in case.

It wasn’t long before Ben left the house, escorting a young woman who looked familiar to Ray, even in the poor light. It all became clear when Ben and his companion walked into the brightness of the nearest street lamp. Shona. Shona? No. She was a self-confessed geek, she didn’t do dates. Half the men in the department had asked her out and she’d brushed them all off, surely due to being a geek who didn’t do dates. Ray was aware of how absurd that sounded, even as he thought it, but his logical brain had left the building and all that was left behind was hurt. And jealousy. Huge, implacable, tantrumming amounts of unjustifiable jealousy.

Ray knew that if he had any sense he’d leave them to it and go home to brood and sulk all night, but as far as he was concerned, he could do all the brooding and sulking he needed to as he pursued his friends to their destination. And once there? That was where Ray’s plan fell to pieces. Was he about to stroll in looking like a bank robber and make a scene because his friend was having an evening out with a perfectly nice young woman?

Arriving at their destination, Ben and Shona entered a small hall from which cheerful music was already blasting. Not the size of venue where you could sneak in and observe without your stalking being addressed. Ray went along the side of the building to see if he could see in any of the windows, but they were curtained, and the back exit was firmly shut. Ray had to admit he’d been foiled; reasoning with himself, he also had to admit that maybe it was a good thing too.

A fresh burst of music and a loud chorus of happy voices drove him away. Ben had moved on and clearly no longer wanted him in a certain, inappropriate way, exactly as he’d requested. That was fine. Absolutely fine. Nonchalant now as he strolled back in the direction of his car, Ray wondered if the guys from work had a poker game planned, or pool, or…

Damn, he was stupid. All he’d ever had to do was stop being a coward and say yes.

Damn.

…

When Ben arrived home that evening he was surprised, but not as much as you’d’ve thought, to find Ray, thankfully now in casual clothes, waiting for him. Ben came to a sharp halt in the doorway and watched as Ray paced.

“On your own?” Ray asked, sounding as if civil was a huge strain.

“Of course.”

“You really should get a lock on that door. Anyone could walk in.”

“Anyone did,” Ben smiled, “and I can’t say I’m unhappy about it.”

Ray stopped pacing and just stared, looking for what? A lipstick mark? Unusually ruffled hair? Teeth marks in Ben’s neck – what the hell was he thinking!

Ben came in and shut the door firmly behind him, waving a greeting to Diefenbaker as he headed to the kitchen, avoiding Ray’s piercing gaze and the chills it gave him for a few more seconds.

“Coffee?” he asked when he was brave enough to turn around.

Ray’s attention arrowed to a folded tartan ribbon that was pinned to Ben’s chest; it was like a red rag to an irrational Italian bull.

“What’s this?”

“It’s…”

“She’s giving you presents now?”

“Ah. You know where I’ve been.”

“I know who you’ve been with, so I guess I also know why you couldn’t bring yourself to tell me why you were busy tonight.”

“It wasn’t exactly a secret, I was just trying to be discreet and not upset you.”

“Uh-huh.”

Ray was still staring at the ribbon, so Ben attempted a diversion.

“It represents…”

“You’ve never heard the whole ‘Beware of geeks bearing gifts’?”

“It’s actually Gree…”

“I could get you better presents. You want presents? I’ll get you anything your Mountie heart desires.”

“That sounds a trifle…”

“What?”

“Romantic?”

“No,” Ray dismissed scornfully. “I’m reciprocating, being thoughtful. Hidden depths, remember?”

“The only thing you’re trying to hide, and not well, is that you’re jealous.”

“No,”

“Of Shona.”

“No. I mean… Yes.”

“Not that anything’s going on with Shona, but if it was… Well, you’ve repeatedly insisted that you and I are just friends.”

“Maybe it’s not her being with you that makes me jealous. Maybe, it’s you being with her. I mean, I met her first, we were getting along fine, and you come along and stick your annoyingly handsome face into the mix. Does she seem like a woman who’s fascinated by lectures on snowshoes? Does she plead for soliloquies on the migration habits of reindeer? Wolf training, or the lack of, how about that as pillow talk? Does Diefenbaker even like her?”

Ben waited patiently for Ray to run out of breath.

“Ray, you’re the one who said jealousy was ridiculous.”

“So I lied! At the risk of sounding eight years old, you’re my friend, not hers!”

“You don’t sound eight, you sound as upset as I was when I found out you were visiting Carl Willoughby.”

“Then you understand.”

“Yes. Do you?”

“Of course, I—”

Ray finally heard himself and shut up. Once he was sure Ray was paying attention, Ben tapped the tartan ribbon.

“This symbolises HIV awareness in Scotland. Tonight’s dance was a fund-raising event for the charity. If you’d like more information…?”

“No.”

“I do feel I need to point out that Shona only asked me to come along because her husband was unavailable.”

“So what? How many black widows do we have on file?”

“Perhaps you should meet Colin. He’s an extremely nice man. Shona introduced me earlier this evening, just as you would a new friend rather than a potential affair partner. He was on his way out to teach a line dancing class. That’s how they met.”

“Then why couldn’t she go dancing with him?”

“Because this was Scottish country dancing, and thanks to a diary clash, they couldn’t both attend.”

“And she recognised you were Scotch because of your thick highlander accent?”

“Scottish.”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Yes, it really does, it makes you sound ignorant and you’re better than that.”

Ray rolled his eyes.

“Scottish.”

“Thank you. Shona asked me in particular because she thought I’d appreciate her feelings of needing something familiar when she was so far from home.”

There was a lull as Ray took that in. His priorities shifted in an instant, petulance and jealousy evaporating as he considered Ben’s potential home-sickness.

“Are you missing home?”

Ben took a second to decide how to answer that.

“I empathised with her feelings, certainly.”

“Should we visit? I’m due some time off, we could…” A momentary unguarded flicker of exasperation on Ben’s face closed Ray down, if only for a few seconds. “Umm… Sorry?”

“What are you apologising for?”

“Whatever you want. Being an asshole?”

Ben shook his head.

“I confess that everything else has been an attempt to sway your feelings regarding our relationship. But not this. This was a favour for a new friend, lonely for her country of origin, and wanting to support a charity tied to it. I realise how it seems regarding the timing, especially after I was disingenuous enough to suggest I’d ask someone else out on a date, but the only reason I didn’t tell you about tonight because I was trying to avoid…this.”

“You could have told me.”

“Could I?”

Ray was about to spit out a ‘yes’ when the truth hit. Right now it was a firm and spiteful ‘no’. He didn’t need to speak, Ben could easily read his expression.

“I can’t begin to tell you how upsetting it was to see you with Willoughby, even though I knew it meant nothing, and that was before I knew I’d’ve ever been in with a chance with you romantically. As you keep reminding me, you’re my best friend; I didn’t want to inflict that same feeling on you.”

“Okay,” Ray said quietly after a painful pause. Abruptly seeing himself through fresh eyes, he knew he had to take himself away and think about all of this, long and hard. He was the one causing the problem here, not Ben, and right now he didn’t like himself very much. He headed for the door.

“Ray…”

Ray stopped and looked back at his friend, seeing the genuine concern on his face and feeling worse still.

“What?”

“I would never do anything to hurt you. We’ve been there before, and I swore never again.”

Ray nodded his acceptance, and with an unsure smile, Ben let him go.

Once alone, there was little left for Ben to do than sit at the table, head in hands, while he dissected the situation. He’d caused this, and he had no idea how to put it right.

…

Ray didn’t go home. He couldn’t face his mother asking how he’d spent his evening, when the whole debacle was utterly pathetic in one way or another. So he drove, and he thought, and he despairingly shook his head as he considered his behaviour. Forget his common sense, where was his pride? His self-esteem? Where was his respect for his best friend?

This was rough, and not in a cheeky ‘bit of’ way. That was where all this had begun, Willoughby, and being stupidly, unforgivably honest about himself. And Ben being…

Benny.

Okay, he rationalised with himself, him and Benny, why not give it a go? Rather than preserving their friendship, this situation was already driving a wedge between them, so how much more harm could it do? Ray hated that they’d got to a point where they couldn’t be honest with one another, because Ben should have been able to tell him about the invitation from Shona. If they’d been a couple, Ray would have listened, and naturally he’d’ve been sympathetic to Shona’s longing for a reminder of Scotland, in the same way he was always sensitive to Ben being far from home. The only real difference would have been him trying to swing an invitation for himself, rather than turning into the green-eyed monster he was now appalled by.

Of course the next thing that popped into his head had been at the back of his mind all along, trying to make itself heard. Whenever Ray had been with men in the past, it had always been a short term thing, very sexually motivated, and lacking in emotional intimacy. None of those dalliances stood a chance in hell of surviving once the novelty wore off.

But – and this BUT deserved to be capitalised – although he was loathe to use the L word, Ray was pretty sure he and Benny did already love one another. There, he’d thought it, and the world did not burn. He wasn’t thinking about the throwaway ‘love you like a brother’, and maybe it wasn’t the upgraded ‘in’ version, but at times they’d put each other through hell, and the fact that nothing had managed to tear them apart suggested that, whatever they had, it wasn’t merely a run of the mill friendship.

Of course love could be about friendship, it didn’t have to mean romance. And if Ray lost what he had with Ben… He couldn’t bear the thought, hence the evening’s frankly humiliating behaviour.

He’d have to park up soon so he could bang his head on the steering wheel for several seconds/minutes/hours. Knock some sense into his highly confused brain.

He pulled over and reached down to turn off the ignition, his hand landing on the model Riviera that dangled from the keychain, possibly the silliest, most perfectly thoughtful gift he’d ever received.

“Ah, Benny,” he whispered sadly. “Benny, Benny, Benny.”

…

When he left work on Monday Ben was surprised to find Ray waiting for him in the Riv. After a split second’s hesitation he let Diefenbaker into the car before dropping into the passenger seat.

“Ray,” Ben acknowledged, not sure what he could add without putting his foot in it.

“Hey, Benny. Heading home?”

Without waiting for an answer, Ray pulled the Riv out into traffic and took the long way to Ben’s apartment building.

“Y’know what you said, about being home sick?”

“That isn’t quite what I said.”

“We could visit the cabin. Or just Canada. Is there an event you want to go to? Want to go dancing? I can dance.”

“I know you can dance,” Ben smiled, relaxing into those memories.

“It doesn’t have to be dancing. We always said we’d do work on the cabin, you seemed to think that would be fun, in your weird Canadian way.”

“I always meant to ask: how did you find the cabin that first time?”

“You’d mentioned the basic area, and when I got there I asked for directions to Robert Fraser’s cabin.”

“That worked?” Ben asked in surprise.

“Apparently, everybody in the Northern Territories knows Bob Fraser. Most of them knew you. I could have asked a passing moose and I swear it would have known.”

“Caribou.”

“What?”

“You could have asked a passing caribou.”

“Seriously? And it could have somehow told me? Given me the coordinates by stamping its foot?”

“I’m merely saying we have caribou not moose.” Ray was grinning by now. “How much of this do you do on purpose?” Ben asked him.

“Enough,” Ray admitted.

“But you find me annoying when I correct you.”

“Not so much as you’d think.”

Ray sent a smile in Ben’s direction; if it made Ben happy to be a pedant and drive him crazy with it, so what? Sure, he’d regret it later but right now…

“You like the idea? Time away?”

Ray said ‘time away’, and Ben heard ‘time together’. Alone. At the moment it was too tempting and equally problematic.

“Let me think about it.”

They arrived at their destination and Ben was surprised that Ray didn’t make a move to leave the car.

“You’re not coming up?”

“Not tonight. Just wanted to see you and make sure we’re okay.”

Ben turned in his seat so he could reassure Ray face to face.

“I think we’ll always be okay.”

“I was completely out of order and we both know it.”

“So was I, and we both know that too.”

“No, Shona’s a friend and…”

“I wasn’t talking about Shona.”

That mutual honesty made them both feel better; they’d always been good at reconciliation, and now the blanket of their friendship settled reassuringly over them.

“Think about the Canada thing, I mean it.”

“Sure you won’t come up?”

“Not for now.”

Ben nodded and tore himself away, but as he made his way up to his apartment, he was not thinking of Canada, or the cabin, or of dancing, but of Ray.

Ray, who was blaming himself for so much that was Ben’s fault, simply because, once he’d learnt that ‘I want you’ was all Ray needed to hear, it had been all he’d wanted to say.

The Rough with the Smooth 4       The Rough with the Smooth Index       Notes

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